0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, good evening and thank you for cotching in our ends.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Tonight, we'll be looking at some of the biggest movie howlers
0:00:40 > 0:00:42ever to disgrace the big screen.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45And I can promise you it's going to be bare jokes.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I don't know what any of that meant but I checked with Dappy
0:00:48 > 0:00:52and he told me that, if I said it, I'd be down with the BBC Three massive
0:00:52 > 0:00:54and then he did some complicated hands.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01If you're the kind of person who, when reading a book,
0:01:01 > 0:01:03likes to skip over the difficult bits,
0:01:03 > 0:01:05and put Keira Knightley all over the rest,
0:01:05 > 0:01:07then you'll love film adaptations.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Since film was invented, directors have been slightly ruining
0:01:10 > 0:01:14or basically missing the point of some of the greatest literary works
0:01:14 > 0:01:17in the world. But they still found room to make some shocking mistakes.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Fortunately, the world of literature has been getting its own back
0:01:21 > 0:01:24for years by taking tremendous films and getting hacks to write
0:01:24 > 0:01:26unreadably awful novelisations.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29So, you know, swings and roundabouts.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33George Smiley's waiting for a call, with his shoes neatly under
0:01:33 > 0:01:37the table in the thrilling and classy Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45But when it's an important call,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48surely it's wise to be fully clothed,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51so in the next shot they're back on again.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Though now he's taken them off.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Oh, make up your mind!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57The same thing happens with his underpants
0:01:57 > 0:01:58but we can't show that bit.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07I think there's just a simple script typo in this scene
0:02:07 > 0:02:09from meandering flick The Rum Diary.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12There's Johnny Depp with his hair all unkempt
0:02:12 > 0:02:15and this line is delivered.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18You blew it, Kemp.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21And suddenly Johnny's neatly coiffed again.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24I'm pretty sure the line should have been, "You blow-dried it, Kemp"
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Want to have some breakfast? A little lobster on the beach?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- 20 minutes away.- Sounds inviting.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Sunglasses, like umbrellas and razors can be categorised as
0:02:37 > 0:02:39things in life you find yourself buying
0:02:39 > 0:02:41much more often than you ought to.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42I just called Miami.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45But on Movie Mistakes we love them.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Why? Well, take Johnny Depp. He puts them on...
0:02:49 > 0:02:50I better call in.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51..he stands up...
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Call from the car.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54..he picks them up again.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Well, it's easy to forget where you've put them.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Ah, look, nothing in the sky for miles around,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08except a few clouds in this expensive-looking but unnecessary
0:03:08 > 0:03:11umpteenth adaptation of The Three Musketeers.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16And yet just 39 seconds later...
0:03:17 > 0:03:21..where did this ruddy, great low-flying airship come from?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25SHOUTING
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Some mistakes can be put down to simple revenge.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Clearly the cameraman was so annoyed at crashing into this wooden pole...
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Careful! ..that he sneakily removed it for the next shot.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Luckily, someone noticed
0:03:43 > 0:03:46and Poley resumed his rightful place next to the step.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47For a bit.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Rule one of escaping from baddies -
0:03:59 > 0:04:01be sure you make a clean getaway.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05However, once D'Artagnan runs through the door,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07he just stops and waits.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Almost, and I know this is going to sound mad,
0:04:11 > 0:04:13almost like an actor waiting for his next cue.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22If I dared, I'd touch you, see if you were real.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27Mr Rochester's journal. 'Wednesday. An exciting day.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30'Jane Eyre returned from visiting her aunt,
0:04:30 > 0:04:34'I put this very journal down to say hello.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37'However, no sooner had she ascended the stairs
0:04:37 > 0:04:39'than my journal completely disappeared,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42'only to reappear moments later.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43'Should it disappear again,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46'I shall write my innermost thoughts on my massive hat.'
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Very sloppy.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Oh, hello. I'm just flushing 250 million down the toilet,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55rather like the makers of John Carter.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Here in Britain, we love an underdog.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02We like things that are plucky or unfashionable or sometimes
0:05:02 > 0:05:06just plain crap. We root for them, we cheer for them,
0:05:06 > 0:05:07we wish them the best.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10What we won't do apparently is buy tickets for them.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Which is why the following films appear in our
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Worst Flops of the Box Office section.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Here are some mistakes which, like the films they come from,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20you didn't notice the first time.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Conan The Terrible, sorry, Conan The Barbarian now,
0:05:26 > 0:05:29and Tamara's strolling through the forest
0:05:29 > 0:05:32with clear lines of sight in every direction.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Yet somehow she doesn't see or hear Massive Man On Horse.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41She failed to spot the foot-soldiers too,
0:05:41 > 0:05:44despite those skinny saplings being too small to hide behind.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45She didn't see them.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Just like nobody saw this film.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I Don't Know How She Does It,
0:05:57 > 0:05:59otherwise known as I Don't Know Why They Made It
0:05:59 > 0:06:02has Sarah Jessica Parker running kookily late
0:06:02 > 0:06:05with her beige heels and no tights.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08But here she's wearing black tights and boots.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- Oh, hi, Clarke.- Good morning.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13And now it's the original combo again.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I don't know how she did that.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20It may have been a flop,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23but John Carter was actually quite good fun.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24This is the wedding,
0:06:24 > 0:06:27and Sab Than is discovering that there's nothing more embarrassing
0:06:27 > 0:06:30than finishing your stag night with a drunken tattoo.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34In the time of oceans, the celestial lovers rose from the sea each night.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36And just like a drunken tattoo,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39this one is staggering all over his face from left to right.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41So may it be again.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48On to the hokey and scrappy Cowboys And Aliens now,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51and as Jake escapes from the alien stronghold
0:06:51 > 0:06:53he's covered in a blast of alien space dust
0:06:53 > 0:06:56or popping candy, as you youngsters call it.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I hate it when that happens.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05And so does Jake. Look, he's now dust free.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12The Thing is a dull, sloppy, unsuccessful prequel
0:07:12 > 0:07:14to a successful film called The Thing.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I'm hoping they make a sequel called And Another Thing.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Here, Kate turns on both taps,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25has the most feeble face-wash of all time,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28then turns off the water one-handed.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29So the thing about The Thing is
0:07:29 > 0:07:32why isn't the other tap still running?
0:07:37 > 0:07:40The aptly-named Anonymous was a preposterous romp based on
0:07:40 > 0:07:45the idea that Shakespeare wasn't Shakespeare, but the Earl of Oxford.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46However we can reveal
0:07:46 > 0:07:50that the Earl of Oxford wasn't the Earl of Oxford, either.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Judging by that very modern tattoo that's peeping out
0:07:52 > 0:07:56from under his doublet, he's clearly Rhys Ifans.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59It's a little bit of a Hollywood secret, but you can't just
0:07:59 > 0:08:03use normal cars, trains, motorbikes and so on, when making a film.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06No, all the vehicles you see are stars in their own right.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09The cars always demand their own trailers, every motorcycle insists
0:08:09 > 0:08:13on riders, buses won't film without regular stops and all the aeroplanes
0:08:13 > 0:08:17are scientologists and won't let anyone look them in the cockpit.
0:08:17 > 0:08:23Also, something about helicopters, um, they work on a rotor system?
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Something like that? Somebody sort this out.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Icily compelling sex pest docusoap Shame now,
0:08:31 > 0:08:35and here Michael "Middle Stump" Fassbender arrives at Fulton Street
0:08:35 > 0:08:38as he creepily eyes up a woman in a hat.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53But he's on the world's most inconvenient train,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55as you see when they leave Fulton Street.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Then after a few minutes of serious-faced ogling, arrive at...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04..Fulton Street!
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Get your coat, love, you've pulled.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Every which way but funny now with The Zookeeper.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Everything about this clip is ridiculous.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24The background is swishing about like nobody's business,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27and TV funnyman Kevin James isn't even turning the steering wheel.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Absolutely ridiculous.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35The talking gorilla in the daringly tight T-shirt, however, is fine.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Misbehaving wingtips now,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44which is the bane of the Victorian Dandy's life.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48But also in the turbo-charged Avengers Assemble.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54As the plane lands, the wings fold in.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58But when Captain America disembarks,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00they are folded out again.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Let's see it again -
0:10:02 > 0:10:05and watch out for the bonus boob here.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08What the hell happened to hi-vis orange runway man?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17The windscreen wipers on this police car
0:10:17 > 0:10:19in the comedically dry The Guard remind me very much
0:10:19 > 0:10:21of the men in The Grand old Duke of York.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Because when they are up they are up,
0:10:24 > 0:10:26and when they are down they are down.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30And that's the end of my simile. Wrong windscreen wipers is my point.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Just been transferred from Dublin.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Pointless remake of Footloose now -
0:10:36 > 0:10:39and a stark reminder that level crossings
0:10:39 > 0:10:41are dangerous places, kids. Here we see how,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44if you're not careful your lovely sister's saloon car
0:10:44 > 0:10:46will inexplicably turn into a black four by four
0:10:46 > 0:10:49the moment it touches the railway lines.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59He's not looking good, sir.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01The disappointing Johnny English Reborn now,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04and when Johnny says, "It's just like riding a bike,"
0:11:04 > 0:11:08that's clearly not what he said when they shot it.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09It's just like riding a bike.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Maybe he was actually saying, "Get rid of that man on the back seat,"
0:11:13 > 0:11:16because by the next shot, he has clearly disappeared.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Yes, it's all coming back to me.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29If violent revenge flick How I Spent My Summer Vacation
0:11:29 > 0:11:32is anything to go by, Mel Gibson spends his holidays
0:11:32 > 0:11:36dressed as a clown in a deserted part of Mexico.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Not that deserted, mind.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Those tyre tracks show there's been another car there,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43or at the very least a previous take.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Action movies are like making love. Last about 90 minutes check.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Have loud noises going on throughout check.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55An Aerosmith song playing check.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58And big men in vests running around shooting assorted Europeans
0:11:58 > 0:12:00or Middle Easterns - check.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02And, of course, an awful lot of blood.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Happy lovemaking, sex fans!
0:12:05 > 0:12:10What's wrong here in the hammy and laughably bad Abduction?
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Acting rule number one is never look into the camera, but gotcha!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Taylor Lautner can't resist!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Still if this is the take they used, the other ones must have just
0:12:21 > 0:12:25had him staring slack-jawed into the camera and wobbling.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Look at the light filtering through the outdoor window -
0:12:31 > 0:12:32I love a good sunset, don't you?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And so do the makers of Abduction.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40They've really captured that magic hour.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- Yeah.- 'Hey, I heard you pull up...'
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Or rather, that abrupt few seconds between day and,
0:12:47 > 0:12:48in the next shot, night.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It's the run-of-the-mill In Time,
0:12:54 > 0:12:58and Henry's timeline's running out, so he's decided to keel over
0:12:58 > 0:13:00and fall into some lovely running water.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09That's very fortunate, had he jumped a few seconds earlier,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12he'd have fallen on to a barely wet slab of concrete.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21The generally "meh" This Means War now and attention, ladies.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25If you've ever had your jacket stolen from a nightclub,
0:13:25 > 0:13:29it was almost certainly stolen by Hollywood actor, Reese Witherspoon.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34The proof? Well, here she is going in without a jacket,
0:13:34 > 0:13:39and here she is exiting the same club, with a jacket.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Tell it to the DA, Witherspoon. - I'm not the girl for you.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45Tooth fairy news now,
0:13:45 > 0:13:49and it turns out the little blighter's working overtime.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Here, young Joe is missing the traditional two front teeth,
0:13:52 > 0:13:58but the director clearly thought that was a bit of a cliche,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01because later on the same day the missing teeth are altogether
0:14:01 > 0:14:02hipper, edgier bottom-row ones.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08Hands up!
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Here's a clip from thin-on-laughs action comedy, 30 Minutes Or Less,
0:14:12 > 0:14:18which, if it isn't a sequel to One Hour Photo, should be.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Here, Chet spray-painted the inside of the door.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24It's like you bought a Mustang...
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Luckily, by the time they stop, the paint's disappeared.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31My wife gets angry when I eat sushi in the car.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34She doesn't understand it makes me a better driver.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Hugely-disappointing, dreary war-fest Red Tails now,
0:14:40 > 0:14:42and important advice on hat etiquette.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45We need everyone on this next mission.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Young Joe here is committing a faux-pas of epic proportions
0:14:47 > 0:14:50as Army regulations state that hats should be
0:14:50 > 0:14:52removed when indoors...
0:14:52 > 0:14:54and worn when outside.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55He's doing neither.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58He'd be a laughing stock at Ascot, the berk.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Cuba Gooding Jr is doing his best to win the coveted Pipe Smoker of the Year award.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Look at his masterful skills.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14He's so good, he can simultaneously point out directions with it.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16And smoke it at the same time.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Airports are stressful, all that queuing, waiting
0:15:22 > 0:15:26and having your private bits probed by security.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28These poor blokes are having a terrible time,
0:15:28 > 0:15:33their duty free fags have finished and their plane has inexplicably changed from an A3...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38..to A2.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Goodness knows where their luggage is going to end up!
0:15:41 > 0:15:46Deck the hall with merry gentlemen, it's the most wonderful time of the chestnuts roasting
0:15:46 > 0:15:49on a red-nosed sleigh bells jingle all the way.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54I actually used to hate Christmas, but one day, just as I was about to jump in a river,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57this angel came along and showed me what the world would have been like
0:15:57 > 0:15:59if Great Movie Mistakes had never happened.
0:15:59 > 0:16:04And let me tell you, it wasn't pretty, it wasn't pretty at all.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Thankfully, here's some festive movie goofs.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09HE COUGHS
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Timeless, feel-good, Christmas classic, It's A Wonderful Life, now
0:16:15 > 0:16:18and James Stewart has brought with him, a festive bog seat covered in holly
0:16:18 > 0:16:21to really liven up the atmos in the smallest room.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:16:23 > 0:16:25He puts it down...
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Harry...
0:16:26 > 0:16:29..but it immediately springs back up again.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32He must have caught his sleeve on a sprig.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Dancing is prohibited at this municipal pool, James,
0:16:38 > 0:16:39it's the rules.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45And where's your bathing cap?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Don't you know stray hair clogs the filters?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Even more so when your entire toupee floats off.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Well, I hope that distracts him from any heavy petting with that lady.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Before the tobacco ad ban,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05they said a pipe really does something for a man.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And here you can see they're not wrong. See this smoking chap?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Instant sex change.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Proof you should just say no to pipes, BBC Three viewers.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Wait a minute.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I think I've got a date.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22The Santa Clause is a reasonably jolly movie
0:17:22 > 0:17:25if there's nothing else on.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27And here's Father Christmas himself,
0:17:27 > 0:17:29having trouble doing his only job of the year.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33But what's this?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I know people say there's a blanket of snow,
0:17:35 > 0:17:38but that just looks like an actual blanket to me.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Watch the skies, says the sign on the movie theatre
0:17:45 > 0:17:49in the still very entertaining and funny festive treat, Gremlins.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Actually, that sign should have said,
0:17:55 > 0:18:00"Watch the hills," as they're green and free of snow, unlike the rest of the set.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Here, one of the crew must have had a late-night kebab and a couple of cans,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10as they're clearly visible pushing over the Christmas tree.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15Christmas spirit? Christmas lager, I wager.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Now viewers, here's something you really, really don't want to do.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25And that's cut the cable for some fairy lights with
0:18:25 > 0:18:28a pair of metal scissors while they're still on.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31But, here all the lights stay on.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35They must have matted out the stuntman who fried doing the scene.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38What would we do without crime?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Eh? If we didn't have crime, the Godfather films would be
0:18:41 > 0:18:44about a series of christenings, Sexy Beast would be just two hours
0:18:44 > 0:18:47of shiny cockneys having a lovely holly bobs, and Oceans 11 to 13
0:18:47 > 0:18:51would be a dreary account of too many men making a deposit.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54But, luckily there is crime.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Hurray for crime and all the films that are made about her.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Though, as you'll see,
0:18:59 > 0:19:04crime movies are just as guilty of some inexcusable errors.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07This is Drive, a soulless film about a character called The Driver,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09who does driving... And crimes.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Here, the driver nudges a car off the cliff, the rotter.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19But although he hits the door...
0:19:20 > 0:19:23..it's the bumper that gets crumpled.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Which is going to play havoc with the no claims bonus.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Now for the dullest transformer ever.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32A kind of Optimus Sub-prime.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40The car that beeps at Ryan and Carey is clearly a silver Ford Focus.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43But as it passes, it's equally clearly a blue Toyota.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Transformers, Toyota Corollas in disguise.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Sometimes in films, it's necessary to flip the shot,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59for example if an actor has put his face on the wrong way round
0:19:59 > 0:20:01or is frowning instead of smiling.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05But hey, Drive film-makers, if you are going to flip the shot try to
0:20:05 > 0:20:08do it when there's not lots of big writing on screen, yeah?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14We have a bit of an underwear problem
0:20:14 > 0:20:16in the moderately entertaining Man On A Ledge.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Joey is wearing his green undies
0:20:18 > 0:20:21above his jeans because he is one of "da yoot".
0:20:21 > 0:20:25But in the very same sequence they go all black.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29This is why they normally don't let actors wear their own pants.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Robert De Niro is, of course, a follower of the Method School
0:20:34 > 0:20:38developed by Lee Strasberg from the teachings of Stanislavsky.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Whereas Jason Statham supports Chelsea.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- What you doing? - I'm going to get my watch back.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48This is the pacey but basic action movie Killer Elite.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54De Niro's training is in evidence here as simply can't decide whether
0:20:54 > 0:20:58his character would wear his watch in his back pocket
0:20:58 > 0:20:59or on his wrist.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08Jason now peevishly kicks a slat from the chair he's tied to
0:21:08 > 0:21:11but such is his kinship with all things wooden,
0:21:11 > 0:21:13he's repaired it by next time we see it.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Hi. It's me, Robert Webb.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18I'm glad you could make it.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19What's your name?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26What a funny name. What a very funny name.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Would you like some wine?
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Cheers.
0:21:42 > 0:21:47- Cut.- You've just caught me making one of my new range of DVDs.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49This one is like an interactive date. You know,
0:21:49 > 0:21:52for lonely people who have basically given up.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55But before they give up, they tend to go out on actual dates
0:21:55 > 0:21:56to watch romantic movies.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59It's the perfect opportunity to see incredibly attractive people
0:21:59 > 0:22:02get up to all sorts of shenanigans on the bumpy road to love,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05giving them magical memories to cry over later, alone.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08And action!
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Have you done something with your hair
0:22:12 > 0:22:14if you're a woman, or trousers if you're a man?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Fancy a bonk?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Turgid bit of fluff Friends With Benefits now,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25and this scene's designed to show us how fun this lady character is.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31She outrageously draws on his face.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33But here the marks have gone!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35However, in the reflection,
0:22:35 > 0:22:37there they are!
0:22:37 > 0:22:40The marks are on his face. He bears the mark!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Ugh, tidying up, eh? It never ends.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48That's what Justin Timberlake would be thinking about
0:22:48 > 0:22:51if he weren't so focused on Mila Kunis's bottom.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Because no sooner has she taken out the rubbish from in front
0:22:55 > 0:22:57of the sofa, than it appears again!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Chores. Huh! What are they good for?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- What?- Let's have sex like we're playing tennis.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Jacob is sending a text message to Sam in Anna's kitchen.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Upon being questioned who he is texting,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15he puts his phone down in front of the laptop computer and goes.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26This is twinkly-sunlight, wistful Handycam, John-Lewis-ad-style,
0:23:26 > 0:23:30lower-sixth, romance film Like Crazy, and as you can guess,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33I'm filling time until the bit where Anna goes to check, and the
0:23:33 > 0:23:37phone has changed its position to the side of the computer instead.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Some heartfelt acting from a suitcase acting.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45As refusing to be outshone by these two moppets,
0:23:45 > 0:23:46it moves to his left.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53I mean, guys, it's a pretty big suitcase. Why aren't they moving it?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I think I know why.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58It casts no reflection in the window in the shots of her.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Perhaps it is a vampire suitcase...
0:24:04 > 0:24:09It's the sentimental and weepy One Day, and Emma can't make up
0:24:09 > 0:24:11her mind about her wine.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13She turns to get a glass
0:24:13 > 0:24:16but in the next shot she doesn't have the bottle
0:24:16 > 0:24:18and goes to take it again.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20She pours it out and puts the bottle on her right
0:24:20 > 0:24:22and now it's on her left.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26And she does a terrible accent but we'll spare you that madness.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29You know, we're a forgiving bunch here at GMME,
0:24:29 > 0:24:33and there's nothing we like better than seeing a mistake unmade.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36That's why we're thrilled that next year there's a whole crop
0:24:36 > 0:24:39of films which are going to be remade, re-released or done in 3-D.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Let's hope they do it right this time,
0:24:42 > 0:24:44not like these original doofs.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Ground-breaking thrill-athon Jurassic Park
0:24:47 > 0:24:49is released in 3-D next year,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52and this scene of flocking dinosaurs will look amazing.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Can I say "flocking" pre-watershed?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Anyway, watch as they run past the kids,
0:24:57 > 0:25:01only to disappear in the next shot as they turn and run away.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Dinosaurs are big and dangerous, yes?
0:25:06 > 0:25:10They might escape, so you need a strong fence around the perimeter.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11All the way round, no gaps.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Not like that massive one to the left of the gate.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Oh, my God, dinosaurs! We're all going to die.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Independence Day is getting a shiny new stereoscopic makeover in 2013,
0:25:31 > 0:25:35and let's hope it's a better special edition than the dreadful
0:25:35 > 0:25:39full-screen DVD release which revealed some astonishing clunkers.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43When under attack from 15-mile high flying saucers,
0:25:43 > 0:25:44what's the best thing to do?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Run for cover, arm yourself, stick your head between your legs,
0:25:47 > 0:25:52wet yourself... Don't do those last two at the same time, by the way.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Well, these Washington sightseers opt to keep calm and carry on,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58milling about and taking photos before the White House
0:25:58 > 0:26:00is blown to smithereens. The fools!
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Now what do we do?
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Of course, being the official residence of the leader
0:26:08 > 0:26:11of the free world, security in the White House is second to none.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16But no missile defence strategy could catch this intruder,
0:26:16 > 0:26:20who flummoxed them all by crawling on his hands and knees. Clever.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32A new version of Robocop is coming in, well, 2014, but will
0:26:32 > 0:26:36they solve the big mystery of the very satirical and violent original?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Pay attention to Robocop's chin strap.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48As when he removes his helmet, where's my chinstrap?
0:26:48 > 0:26:49He's a chinstrap-less wonder.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Perhaps 2013's Man Of Steel can match the awesomeness
0:26:58 > 0:27:00of the best Superman movie, Superman II.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02This is my favourite bit.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Where Non throws Daily Planet editor Perry White about.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08He's terrified.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Thankfully, a kindly crewmember on the right of the screen
0:27:11 > 0:27:12is there to hold his hand. Bless.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Oh, I hate goodbyes, don't you?!
0:27:17 > 0:27:18I feel like we've got to know each other
0:27:18 > 0:27:20so much better over the course of the show
0:27:20 > 0:27:23and now we're going to be torn asunder like so much unwanted paper.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Let's not put ourselves through this.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28I'll just close my eyes
0:27:28 > 0:27:32and you can all gradually creep away from your televisions.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Maybe a little wave as you go, but nothing too emotional or else,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37I promise you, I shall cry!
0:27:37 > 0:27:41Shall we, then? Let's hope it's au revoir.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49Have they gone?
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Good.