0:00:20 > 0:00:22Spoilers is about that.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26It's about the phenomenon of spoilers on the internet
0:00:26 > 0:00:31and in narrative storytelling, where everyone's fiercely protective
0:00:31 > 0:00:34of their right to experience a story on their own terms.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37So hence we have this advent of this spoiler alert that
0:00:37 > 0:00:39happens in reviews and media
0:00:39 > 0:00:42and so forth to warn people not to read ahead, and it takes that
0:00:42 > 0:00:47idea and applies it to love and the world of relationships.
0:00:47 > 0:00:52The film is very much a kind of magical realist story
0:00:52 > 0:00:57about two guys who literally have matching luggage and enter
0:00:57 > 0:01:03into a kind of extended date, if you like, over the course of a day.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07The spoilers themselves are kind of out there.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09In some ways, it's an experimental film.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I mean, it breaks many rules cos there's flights of fancy in it and
0:01:12 > 0:01:13there's huge leaps of faith
0:01:13 > 0:01:16and it's about that idea of love being a leap of faith.
0:01:16 > 0:01:22In some ways, the kind of cinematic vision is a leap of faith as well,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25like, hey, what if these gargoyles did talk?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27What if the sat nav had an opinion?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30What if a lobster was a bit homophobic?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I think it's extremely Welsh, actually.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I mean, I took that strategic approach.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39I didn't write the screenplay until I got here, which was a risk,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41but the concept was there.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45I arrived and actually used the location scout to inform the story
0:01:45 > 0:01:47and shape the kind of narrative
0:01:47 > 0:01:50according to the kind of locations that were available.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54What I love about Iris is it gives you complete creative freedom.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58It's been a very supportive but hands-off approach, sort of like,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01"This is your film now and we're here to support you."
0:02:01 > 0:02:04So I was afforded an enormous freedom.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I don't think you have to be a gay man to enjoy Spoilers
0:02:08 > 0:02:09or to relate to Spoilers.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13It's very much about love. It's a love story.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24BELL TOLLS
0:02:24 > 0:02:27VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS
0:02:30 > 0:02:32'Did I spoil it?'
0:02:35 > 0:02:38DOG BARKS
0:02:43 > 0:02:45'I bloody spoilt it.'
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- Um, oh, sorry, I think you've got the wrong...- Sorry, definitely mine.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- The sticker?- Correct.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06No, no, I mean, I know it's mine because of the sticker.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Glastonbury '99.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I was at Glastonbury in '99.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- You were?- I really was, yeah.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- Who did you see on the Friday?- Tori.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Amos to that. Saturday?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Shakespears Sister.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Sunday?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23BOTH: Korn.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- Holy...- Shit.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I have exactly the same sticker on exactly the same suitcase
0:03:29 > 0:03:31in exactly the same spot.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Does this prove or disprove the existence of a God?
0:03:34 > 0:03:38We certainly are in some kind of wormholey, Sliding Doorsy,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40timewarpy uncanny valley.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Felix.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Leon.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Ah, er, that is your bag...
0:03:50 > 0:03:52which must mean...
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Er, do you want some, er...
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Er, sure.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Um, let's start with the...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Voodoo doll?- Ah, him.
0:04:09 > 0:04:14Him. Uh, I had him made in the likeness of my ex.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Sounds weird now I say it out loud. - You've got these pins all wrong.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I'm an acupuncturist.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- No, you're not.- I really am. I mean, I do remedial massage too.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Shall I show you where these pins should be for maximum impact?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- Go on, then.- OK.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Well, this one should be here.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Swap these two around.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48And that one goes right in there.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- And that's it?- That's it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- Dead.- He's moved on.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Well, it's been delightful meeting you.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05You're handsome and clever and have fantastic taste in music
0:05:05 > 0:05:06and I will get out of your way
0:05:06 > 0:05:09before I start punching above my weight.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Goodbye, Felix.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27So what's an Englishman doing in Wales then?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- Looking for a fella whose baggage matches mine.- Yeah?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33THEY LAUGH
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Know anyone?
0:05:42 > 0:05:46You know you shouldn't say that about yourself.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- What? - You'd be punching above your weight.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Oh, that's just my Brooke Shield.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I know.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- You don't know what I like. - I bet I do.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Short fat blokes from Derby.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06We all have our cross to bear, Leon.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- SAT NAV:- 'At the old clock tower, stop.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18'Make three-point turn...
0:06:19 > 0:06:22'..then take next left at the third sheep on the right.'
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Driver, can you stop a sec? I've got to take a leak.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38'Show-er or grower?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43'I'd say show-er. It's bulge city back there.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45'Could crack a walnut on that thing!'
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Wait, am I...
0:06:47 > 0:06:51'Talking to the sat nav, yeah, doll, you are off your tits
0:06:51 > 0:06:54'cos someone's got a little crush, haven't they?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57'Those smouldering eyes as he laid into your ex...
0:06:57 > 0:07:00'Oh, don't blame you, he's lush.'
0:07:00 > 0:07:01He is, isn't he?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04'Oh, yeah, I'd have a crack.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06'But let's get real.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08'We know how this ends.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09How?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12'Spoiler alert. Abandonment, babes.'
0:07:12 > 0:07:14HE SIGHS
0:07:14 > 0:07:17'He draws you in, builds you back up,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20'makes you feel all safe and special again
0:07:20 > 0:07:22'and then, bang, it changes.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24'He gives you that look...
0:07:25 > 0:07:29'..like the whole thing has been inside your stupid fat head.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32'The laughs, the cuddles, the kisses and the joke's on you.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36'Why would a perfect, well-adjusted hottie like him look twice at you,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38'you big, ugly, worthless sack of sh...'
0:07:38 > 0:07:39DOOR SLAMS
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Warning. Didn't wash hands.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45All right?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Um, yeah, er...
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Headache. I get migraines.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Ah, balls.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Let's get you some fresh air, yeah?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Brought your scarf. Keep your neck warm.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Thanks, saviour.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09It's lovely here.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Mum used to bring me here when I was a kid and that cliff,
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I used to imagine that I'd grow up and I'd build a lighthouse on it
0:08:17 > 0:08:20and I'd live there being the lighthouse keeper.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23I'd also have my own shop down there on the beach
0:08:23 > 0:08:26and live happily ever after.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Just me and Whitney Houston and a lighthouse and little shop.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34That's cute.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37I badly wanted a shop too.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I ACHED for a shop.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- What's that?- Oh, nothing, bit of nonsense.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Show me.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Pretty bloody sweet, right? - Yeah, I want one of those.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52He wears his heart on his sleeve, he does,
0:08:52 > 0:08:56and what it is is a cute metaphor for precisely that.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I don't trust metaphors. Everything's got to be real. Look.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Left ventricle, atrium, right atrium, ventricle,
0:09:03 > 0:09:06pulmonary artery, aorta to scale, baby.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Tidy.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12Behold my heritage-listed, unbreachable heart fortress.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Walls of stone, ten-foot thick, sturdy portcullis
0:09:16 > 0:09:18and moat with big-arse shark.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Your heart fortress metaphor is no match for my imaginary siege tower.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Ah, but that's the problem, isn't it?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27It's imaginary.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30HOUSE MUSIC STARTS
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Absolutely not.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Got to get past my guard dragon first.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02The thing about wormholes is that
0:10:02 > 0:10:06they're all about infinite possibilities, aren't they?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Time and space, space and time are elastic
0:10:10 > 0:10:15and somewhere Leon Fitzell-Thorne slays heart dragons.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18We're in a wormhole, baby.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Do you like Chinese? - I fucking love Chinese.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I just remember some ginger thing in the distance
0:10:31 > 0:10:34mucking about on a piano.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- Oh, I can't eat that. - You're actually meant to eat them?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Have I been wasting food?- You have to eat them or they don't come true.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Well, let's see what our future holds then.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I got this covered.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Oy! Oy!
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Over here.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07You!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Yes, you.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Wipe that jizz off your face and mince over here.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Well, hello, Dorothy.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30How are things with your boyfriend?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- A bit early for that. - Well, had one in the tank last week.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Not a bender myself but he was a nice-looking lobster.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38But yours? Whoa!
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Did you see the way he ate that sang choi bao?
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- How?- Like it was the last bag of dicks at the fair.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47He looked contented, though, didn't he?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49LAUGHS
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Flapping his gums, waving his arms, giving it all that.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54You can't just have rice.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- He's happy.- He's jolly!
0:11:57 > 0:12:00You like it now cos it's funny and sweet and real,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02but, spoiler alert, after the honeymoon,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06"jolly" will start to shit you bad, boss.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10At first, it feels nice being needed and then, hello,
0:12:10 > 0:12:11he's getting all comfy.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14He wants in your fucking fortress.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18He gives, you take and it leads right down the garden path
0:12:18 > 0:12:20to domestic bloody dependency...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Fuck off.- Fuck you!
0:12:22 > 0:12:27..and you punish him for loving you and dump him for some horny cub
0:12:27 > 0:12:31cos you're an arsehole and a sociopath,
0:12:31 > 0:12:35cos you are incapable of loving anyone but yourself,
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- you lonely, sad, old cun... - I know exactly where we're going.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Come on.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait -wait-wait-wait-wait.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57And open.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Come on.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06You know what?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08If one of the trolley dollies had told me this morning
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I'd be spending the whole day with a handsome acupuncturist...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Hey, mister, everything OK?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19'Hey, girl!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22'She has got emotional transference plastered right across her
0:13:22 > 0:13:24'big old forehead and you ain't got the goods to stick around!'
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Oh, can you just...
0:13:25 > 0:13:28'Yeah, cut and run before you ruin more lives...'
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Handsome? - '..you miserable motherfucker!'
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- All right?- Yep.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40'Well, if it isn't Little Miss Fuckin' Romantic!
0:13:40 > 0:13:44'Don't come cryin' here when it all goes to shit, you pathetic victim!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47'Urgh, you make me sick!'
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- Fuck off. - 'Spoiler alert! It ends in tears.'
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Mate...
0:13:52 > 0:13:53Yep.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- ..don't call me handsome. - Don't call me mate.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I think that might be my cue.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Really?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Sure.- Yeah.- This is how it ends?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13That, er, that knitted fella...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Tom.- Did you love Tom?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- Yes.- Now you hate him?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- No.- Was he cruel to you?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29There was a long time when I thought he had been cruel.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31- He decimated my heart. - That's a metaphor.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Sometimes metaphors are the only way to say it.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Try me.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53After seven incredible years together, he told me
0:14:53 > 0:14:56he didn't love me and vanished.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03I got badly depressed.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Couldn't stop crying.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Hunched over on my...
0:15:08 > 0:15:11OUR bed for weeks.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Months.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18It was horrid.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I shrivelled into something unrecognisable.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Tom was my world.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31And suddenly he wasn't.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I had a kind of...
0:15:37 > 0:15:41mix tape of me and him on loop in my head.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Every intimate moment, every...
0:15:46 > 0:15:48The smell.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52His voice.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55His eyelashes. How silly he made me.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06And so I did that for a year and then got on a plane.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12That fucking sucks, Leon.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15We were good together.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Really good.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Have you...?- Hell, yeah.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31What did he do?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37He died.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I shouldn't have brought all that up about...
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- I can't compare what happened to me...- Grief sucks.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Doesn't matter the cause.- I know.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Where to? - Er, I was going to meet the fellas.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- Take a bowl?- Not really my scene.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Mine either.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- You?- Might watch a film.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- Look, I was thinking... - No, Leon.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- You don't even know what... - The answer's no.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- It's not your choice when someone pops up with...- Yes, it is.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- ..all the qualities you seek. - But I don't seek them, though, do I?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I didn't seek you.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- I'm a really great boyfriend. - I know.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- I don't know why I thought someone like you...- Oh, Leon!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Oh, fuck...off!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22A connection like this is fucking rare, Felix.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- You of all people should feel that. - Fuck you!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You got somewhere to go?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Probably just go home.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Sick of living out of a suitcase.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- Oh, fuck. - Fucking tide!- Oh, shit!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit!
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Pity the poor fucker who finds Tom on the beach tomorrow full of pins.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Listen...
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I got these tickets.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Special midnight screening.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I'll be there
0:19:46 > 0:19:49if you want to know how it ends.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55No more endings.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:08 > 0:20:11BELL TOLLS
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Hello.- Hiya.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- Enjoy.- Thank you.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Oh, sorry, I think that's my..
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Sorry, yeah. Definitely mine.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- Er, the ticket.- Correct.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49No, no, I know it's mine cos it's my ticket.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Sit down and eat your popcorn.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53'20th Century Fox presents...'
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- So what is this?- It's a romcom.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Better be short.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12'Um, oh, sorry, I think you've got the wrong...'
0:21:12 > 0:21:14'Sorry, definitely mine.'
0:21:14 > 0:21:15'The sticker.'
0:21:15 > 0:21:17'Correct.'
0:21:17 > 0:21:20'No, no, I mean, I know it's mine because of the sticker.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22'Glastonbury '99.'
0:21:22 > 0:21:24'I was at Glastonbury in '99.'
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- 'You were?' - 'I really was, yeah.'
0:22:13 > 0:22:15I was enjoying that.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Hey, mister, everything OK?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31What did I miss?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43I don't want to spoil it.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS