0:00:02 > 0:00:03PHONE RINGS
0:00:33 > 0:00:36HE LAUGHS
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Good morning. Hold on, does this work? No, it doesn't. Of course not.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Why would I expect a thing like that? These things do...
0:00:45 > 0:00:49For God's sake! Excuse me a second. I must come down here earlier.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- What's wrong with this thing? - I don't know, what have you done?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55The thing's not working. Oh, here it is, look.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57MIC BUZZES
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- Did we talk on the air about the fact that we discovered...- No.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04We have isolated a couple of well-known people
0:01:04 > 0:01:07who were hithertofore, or should I say heretofore -
0:01:07 > 0:01:10hitherto baldy but who are now not baldy.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13And we went to great lengths
0:01:13 > 0:01:18to try and discover where they got their hair from and we now know.
0:01:18 > 0:01:19HE LAUGHS
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I feel in need of it...
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I feel as if I'm letting my listeners down
0:01:23 > 0:01:25because every time I meet them,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27they look at me and I'm grand from the front
0:01:27 > 0:01:31but if I have occasion to bend down, or they come round behind me,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33they can see I have a little hole on the back of my head,
0:01:33 > 0:01:34where there is no hair.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36This is unfortunate on television
0:01:36 > 0:01:40because people always film you from behind when you're walking.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- I looked at myself - you know the way women look at you?- Yeah.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46When I walk along, and they look at me with desire in their eyes.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50But then when they pass me, they see the baldy bit. They lose interest.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53So I figure if they can stay with me front and back,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I might be in with a chance.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58We've been trawling for volunteers.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00For what?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02You know what I'm talking about.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05I don't know what you're talking about. For what?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Tell me what you're talking about, trawling for volunteers?- Yeah.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10For your hairpiece.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- Oh, you mean...?- Donors.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Listen, I'm not getting the respect in this programme
0:02:18 > 0:02:19that I feel as if I'm due.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25- Have you been out?- What do you mean, out?- Were you doing anything?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27You're a strange colour.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- What colour am I?- Nearly orange.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31What?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Did something go wrong?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36I...I was close to the Garvaghy Road yesterday.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Were you tanned or sprayed? Did you get a wee...?- Stop it.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- It's implying that, A - I'm vain. - Well, you are.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- All right, don't gang up on me! - Tell me this before you continue.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Before we go any further... - I want to...- Before you continue.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- No, but...- Before we go further.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- You see that...- Hey!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- You see that we're...- I'm not... - I can't get a word in with you.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57That's because I'm angry.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00You interrupt me all the time, why shouldn't I interrupt you?
0:03:00 > 0:03:01This is my programme.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Is this The Sean Coyle Show? No!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06That's a little one that comes on later.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09This is The Gerry Anderson Show. I can interrupt who I like.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10I get no respect!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14You're a strange colour. Maybe you should get your money back.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15I am no colour.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17You are, you're orange!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- I'm not orange.- You are!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Who's there with me today? You notice I don't say, "Who's there with you?"
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Because it's not about you, it's about me.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Do you think I have fake tan on?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- Yes, he says.- Well, I have.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Only a wee bit.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36I just can't get my head round the fact that any man...
0:03:36 > 0:03:40He gets up in the morning and he's in his bedroom
0:03:40 > 0:03:42and he looks at his body and he says,
0:03:42 > 0:03:43"I must get some fake tan."
0:03:43 > 0:03:47How can any human being be so vain as to do that?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51I'm a metrosexual.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Are you?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Yeah. You're not. You're a golfer.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Yeah.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01You don't understand the concept of looking a little better.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04You see, you expect people to think that.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05That's why I put it on.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Would you never say for instance,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10if somebody put something on your face, "That's good."
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Who's going to put that on my face?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15You're afraid of your feminine side, that's what's wrong with you.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18You're a big macho boy. You're one of those guys, and I know,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21when you go into a shower in a communal changing room...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Have you ever seen those men?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26The men who change and they all walk around going...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28HE GRUNTS AND GROWLS
0:04:28 > 0:04:30"I want to fight you!"
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Walking around naked.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36They're shouting because they're naked.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Walking around naked, they can't go, "Hello, how are you?"
0:04:39 > 0:04:40They go...
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- HE GRUNTS AND GROWLS - Implying I'm one of them?- Yes.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Would you walk around naked in front of another man?- Not at all.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Well, I would.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:04:56 > 0:04:59E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk