0:00:00 > 0:00:00ALIVE: RANKIN FACES DEATH FKA B245L/01 HSG7291
8:53:30 > 8:53:37.
8:53:55 > 8:53:59Just lean forward a little bit like that, that's good.
8:53:59 > 8:54:01That's fab, hon.
8:54:04 > 8:54:07'Seven years ago, my parents died,
8:54:07 > 8:54:10'really quickly, within three weeks of each other.
8:54:14 > 8:54:19'It struck me, as I was sifting through all their old photographs,
8:54:19 > 8:54:21'remembering my mum and dad,
8:54:21 > 8:54:24'that my whole idea of photography began to crystallise.
8:54:26 > 8:54:30'When you take a photograph, in that moment that you click the shutter,
8:54:30 > 8:54:32'you're capturing life.
8:54:32 > 8:54:34'It's a memory that you've made of somebody.'
8:54:34 > 8:54:37That's good, that's exactly what we want.
8:54:37 > 8:54:39'You're not intentionally commemorating them.
8:54:39 > 8:54:42'It's just a snapshot.
8:54:42 > 8:54:47'But when that person dies, the photographs become something else.
8:54:47 > 8:54:49'Suddenly, they have a potency.'
8:55:00 > 8:55:02I want to explore that.
8:55:02 > 8:55:06I want to push myself and take my work somewhere new.
8:55:06 > 8:55:09And I want to come to terms with my parents death
8:55:09 > 8:55:12in the only way I know how, through photography.
8:55:12 > 8:55:18So I had this idea to do an exhibition about death...and life.
8:55:18 > 8:55:21I want to photograph people who are staring death in the face
8:55:21 > 8:55:24and see what I can learn from them about life.
8:55:31 > 8:55:36You only get one chance to live, to express yourself.
8:55:36 > 8:55:38We can taste, we can feel.
8:55:38 > 8:55:43We can feel each other's love. It's amazing.
8:55:43 > 8:55:44That's what it should be.
8:55:45 > 8:55:49All the things that normally I'd be worrying about or
8:55:49 > 8:55:52what would be bringing me down, you suddenly realise it doesn't matter.
8:55:52 > 8:55:54It just doesn't matter any more!
8:55:54 > 8:55:56It doesn't matter what's happened in the past, it doesn't matter
8:55:56 > 8:56:00what's going to happen in the future, because there is no future.
8:56:00 > 8:56:03You... You are alive.
8:56:03 > 8:56:06It doesn't mean that all I want to do is sit around
8:56:06 > 8:56:09and have deep and meaningful discussions all the time.
8:56:09 > 8:56:12That's not what happens when you get cancer.
8:56:12 > 8:56:15That's not what happens when you think you're,
8:56:15 > 8:56:17well, you know you're going to die.
8:56:17 > 8:56:24You either look at the fact that you're dying and cry about it,
8:56:24 > 8:56:27or you look at the fact you're dying and laugh about it.
8:56:27 > 8:56:32And inevitably, it's nicer laughing than crying, isn't it?
8:56:33 > 8:56:38Things begin, grow, alive, end.
8:56:40 > 8:56:44It's the most ordinary thing in the world. Why be frightened of it?
8:56:57 > 8:57:02After my parents passed away, we got all the photo albums.
8:57:04 > 8:57:08They didn't take a lot of photographs.
8:57:08 > 8:57:12They were under-exposed, badly-shot photos.
8:57:14 > 8:57:18That's a good picture of my dad. That was what my dad was like.
8:57:18 > 8:57:19Always the joker.
8:57:23 > 8:57:27They passed away six years ago
8:57:27 > 8:57:32and I'm only just really coming to terms with them not being here.
8:57:35 > 8:57:38I feel a, kind of, responsibility to my son
8:57:38 > 8:57:46and to my family that... I make sure I prepare them
8:57:46 > 8:57:49for my passing away.
8:57:51 > 8:57:56And I guess that's why I wanted to do the project, just to stare
8:57:56 > 8:58:04death in the face a bit and ask yourself a few questions about it.
8:58:10 > 8:58:12So I'm going back to my roots.
8:58:12 > 8:58:16I want to photograph real people, with real problems,
8:58:16 > 8:58:18people who are facing one of the biggest challenges of all -
8:58:18 > 8:58:20their own death.
8:58:25 > 8:58:29When I get ready in the night, when I put my wig on, I feel ultra-glam.
8:58:29 > 8:58:32And when I take it off, I don't.
8:58:32 > 8:58:37So this is what I look like if I take my wig off.
8:58:37 > 8:58:40I'm being brave, but that's it.
8:58:40 > 8:58:43That's my bit of growth from my chemo.
8:58:43 > 8:58:48I don't like it, I'm putting my wig back on, thank you.
8:59:02 > 8:59:03And everybody says to me,
8:59:03 > 8:59:06"Oh, you're more glamorous now than you used to be."
8:59:06 > 8:59:09So, cancer forced me to be glamorous.
8:59:13 > 8:59:15I love Lesley.
8:59:15 > 8:59:20Lesley is full of an incredible amount of self-belief,
8:59:20 > 8:59:25with a very healthy dose of self-criticism.
8:59:25 > 8:59:27I've only got one eyelash on.
8:59:27 > 8:59:30HE LAUGHS
8:59:30 > 8:59:31You look great.
8:59:31 > 8:59:34- Do I?- Yeah. - We're trying to look like Kim.
8:59:34 > 8:59:37- Kim Kardashian?- Yeah.
8:59:37 > 8:59:42If I don't look like her at the end of this, there'll be trouble.
8:59:42 > 8:59:43Why do you want to look like Kim Kardashian?
8:59:43 > 8:59:45I think she's really pretty.
8:59:48 > 8:59:51That's one picture that I actually think is cute of myself.
8:59:51 > 8:59:55I look like a boy most of the time, but I like that one
8:59:55 > 8:59:59because I've got bunches in. I look cute.
9:00:00 > 9:00:06I was adopted when I was seven days old and grew up feeling
9:00:06 > 9:00:12very different and lonely,
9:00:13 > 9:00:16and always wondering where I was from
9:00:16 > 9:00:18and why I was being bullied at school.
9:00:18 > 9:00:21Why I was bigger than everyone else,
9:00:21 > 9:00:25why I was darker than everyone else, and I had no answers.
9:00:25 > 9:00:28It was just "in" to be blonde and blue-eyed,
9:00:28 > 9:00:30and if you were anything other than that, you were a freak.
9:00:52 > 9:00:56The social workers used to come and say, "What's the prognosis?"
9:00:56 > 9:00:58and I said, "Oh, I'm going to get better."
9:00:58 > 9:01:00They said, "Who told you that, the doctor?"
9:01:00 > 9:01:02I said, "No, me."
9:01:02 > 9:01:06And she was like, "Well..." As if to say, "Who are you?"
9:01:06 > 9:01:07Do you know what I mean?!
9:01:07 > 9:01:11And I thought, "Well, I'm me, actually."
9:01:11 > 9:01:14So I thought... And I'm in charge
9:01:14 > 9:01:16of whether I'm going to get better or not.
9:01:16 > 9:01:19And one day, she was due to come, I felt rough,
9:01:19 > 9:01:22I was being sick, I thought, "Oh, God!"
9:01:22 > 9:01:27But I did it. I put make-up on, wig on and I opened that door
9:01:27 > 9:01:33and she just went, "Oh, you've proved us all wrong, haven't you!"
9:01:33 > 9:01:35And I thought, "Result! Result!"
9:01:35 > 9:01:40It was only a wig and a bit of make-up, but she believed me.
9:01:40 > 9:01:44It's the wig! The wig saved the day again.
9:01:45 > 9:01:49Hmmm. I don't like myself on pictures.
9:01:49 > 9:01:51Why not? You look great.
9:01:51 > 9:01:54- I don't know.- You look beautiful.
9:01:56 > 9:01:58SHE CHUCKLES
9:01:58 > 9:02:00- Do you not like them?- No.
9:02:01 > 9:02:02We could do that.
9:02:02 > 9:02:05That's nice, what have you done to it?
9:02:05 > 9:02:07That is just so much better.
9:02:07 > 9:02:09HE LAUGHS
9:02:09 > 9:02:11In't it, though?
9:02:11 > 9:02:13I tell you what, we could do something like that,
9:02:13 > 9:02:16then do something more real that goes with it.
9:02:18 > 9:02:20What's interesting for me, and for other people,
9:02:20 > 9:02:24is that when you see the pictures of her she doesn't really look ill.
9:02:24 > 9:02:28It's not until she takes the wig off that there is a hint of how she is.
9:02:28 > 9:02:30Shall we take your wig off, then?
9:02:30 > 9:02:31Go on, then.
9:02:31 > 9:02:34Oh, God!
9:02:34 > 9:02:37- I would never normally have my hair like this.- Oh, wow!
9:02:37 > 9:02:39Just let me say that.
9:02:39 > 9:02:43- But it looks great!- No way! - It looks great like that!
9:02:45 > 9:02:50Her whole personality is just full of energy and positivity.
9:02:50 > 9:02:55She's great to be around. You come away feeling a bit exhausted by her!
9:02:55 > 9:02:57That's great. Really look in the lens,
9:02:57 > 9:03:01- almost like you're talking to the camera.- OK.
9:03:01 > 9:03:03Talking inside, to the person who's looking at your picture.
9:03:03 > 9:03:06Tell them your story with your eyes.
9:03:06 > 9:03:07That's great, I love that.
9:03:09 > 9:03:11Hmmm. I feel nervous.
9:03:11 > 9:03:15Don't feel nervous, you're going to look amazing, don't worry.
9:03:18 > 9:03:20I love that one.
9:03:20 > 9:03:22I think you look like a French movie star.
9:03:22 > 9:03:25What do you think?
9:03:25 > 9:03:27I've had better pictures.
9:03:27 > 9:03:29Like, from me...
9:03:29 > 9:03:31SHE LAUGHS
9:03:31 > 9:03:34- ..from me mobile phone. - Tell us about it.
9:03:34 > 9:03:35SHE LAUGHS
9:03:35 > 9:03:37Where's me phone?
9:03:37 > 9:03:38I'll show you the ones.
9:03:38 > 9:03:41It just bleaches you out and you look like you're 12 years old.
9:03:41 > 9:03:43That's why I like it!
9:03:43 > 9:03:45- Because it makes you look really young?- Yes!
9:03:45 > 9:03:50That looks absolutely awful and I look like a convict.
9:03:51 > 9:03:55I can't be beaten by a mobile phone.
9:03:55 > 9:03:57Can I get the Leica, please?
9:03:57 > 9:04:01ISO 400, 2.8, 125. You'll probably be fine.
9:04:01 > 9:04:03Please let me put my wig on?
9:04:05 > 9:04:08What was interesting is that, right from the beginning,
9:04:08 > 9:04:11she didn't feel comfortable in front of the camera.
9:04:11 > 9:04:14And a lot of beautiful people have that, where they're quite analytical
9:04:14 > 9:04:19of themselves, and she looked very sad, her eyes looked very sad.
9:04:19 > 9:04:21But then she just wanted
9:04:21 > 9:04:25to look like she was Wonder Woman, Katie Price.
9:04:25 > 9:04:28Do your face that you do.
9:04:28 > 9:04:30- What face?- The camera phone.
9:04:30 > 9:04:32Oh, the camera phone!
9:04:32 > 9:04:36Hang on, let me... Just a minute, let me think.
9:04:36 > 9:04:37Right.
9:04:37 > 9:04:41'It's just a pity, because it's all pre-conceived notions of what's beautiful,
9:04:41 > 9:04:44'and to me that's not what's beautiful about her.
9:04:44 > 9:04:47'What's beautiful is her incredible personality
9:04:47 > 9:04:49'and her really cutting sense of humour.'
9:04:50 > 9:04:54Ooooh, look at that! Now, see, that's what I'm talking about!
9:04:55 > 9:04:58That is what I'm talking about!
9:04:58 > 9:05:01Who knows me better than me?
9:05:01 > 9:05:06That's amazing, I need a copy of that, I just love it.
9:05:06 > 9:05:08Do you not agree, though?
9:05:08 > 9:05:10Well, no, I think...
9:05:10 > 9:05:15I feel that this was more about you fighting something,
9:05:15 > 9:05:20whereas this one's you trying to look glamorous.
9:05:20 > 9:05:24But does every woman not want to look glamorous?
9:05:24 > 9:05:26I don't want you to be unhappy with your photo.
9:05:26 > 9:05:27I'm unhappy.
9:05:27 > 9:05:31See, we're going to clash, we're going to clash.
9:05:31 > 9:05:34Can I have both? Please?
9:05:34 > 9:05:37I'll let you have that one, if you let me have that one?
9:05:37 > 9:05:39It's a negotiation?
9:05:40 > 9:05:43I like that one, you've done well.
9:05:43 > 9:05:47But notice how I put my bit in and showed you how to do it?
9:05:49 > 9:05:51You certainly did.
9:05:53 > 9:05:55To me, once you've died...
9:05:56 > 9:05:59..it's all about your soul, not your body.
9:05:59 > 9:06:01They can do what they want with my body,
9:06:01 > 9:06:04I don't care, I'm not here anymore, I'm not in it. I've gone.
9:06:06 > 9:06:07Back to where I belong.
9:06:08 > 9:06:10Back to home.
9:06:11 > 9:06:13Do you like that?
9:06:13 > 9:06:15I'm happy. You've done well.
9:06:15 > 9:06:16Thank you.
9:06:16 > 9:06:18How much do I get paid for this?
9:06:20 > 9:06:23Joking. It was a joke.
9:06:23 > 9:06:25Normally people pay me.
9:06:43 > 9:06:48It's very therapeutic to start with, digging around in earth.
9:06:50 > 9:06:54I think we have a connection to the earth. All human beings have.
9:06:57 > 9:07:01And just planting things and seeing them grow, really.
9:07:01 > 9:07:02There we are.
9:07:16 > 9:07:19I've got what is called Chinese lanterns,
9:07:19 > 9:07:25and when they dry up and die, they make this fantastic little mesh.
9:07:25 > 9:07:28It's got a little seed in there, as well.
9:07:30 > 9:07:33They're bright orange when they come out.
9:07:35 > 9:07:39They don't last long, because they are so delicate.
9:08:08 > 9:08:14In March 2005, I had a mastectomy, my right breast went.
9:08:14 > 9:08:17In 2007, it spread everywhere.
9:08:17 > 9:08:25It spread in my bones, soft tissue, lungs and liver.
9:08:26 > 9:08:31After that, I developed a brain tumour on my cerebellum,
9:08:31 > 9:08:35the back of my head. I had to have brain surgery.
9:08:35 > 9:08:42Then they burned my cancer in my lungs. Then I had a collapsed lung.
9:08:42 > 9:08:46I had to stay in hospital for two weeks and got swine flu in hospital.
9:08:47 > 9:08:51- Thank you.- What do you want me to do, just pour it in?
9:08:51 > 9:08:54SHE PANTS REPEATEDLY
9:08:54 > 9:08:56Thank you.
9:08:56 > 9:08:57- Are you all right?- Yeah.
9:08:58 > 9:09:01It's like King Canute pushing the wave back.
9:09:06 > 9:09:10- Can you stand there, like that? - Yeah, that's great.
9:09:10 > 9:09:12Just reflector please.
9:09:12 > 9:09:15Yeah, I'd like the eyes closed for one, as well.
9:09:15 > 9:09:17Do you want me to take this off?
9:09:17 > 9:09:19Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's a good idea, for one shot,
9:09:19 > 9:09:21it might be interesting.
9:09:21 > 9:09:22- How's that?- Yeah, that's great.
9:09:24 > 9:09:28It's not a disease that is outside. It's inside.
9:09:29 > 9:09:31And most of it I disguise,
9:09:31 > 9:09:35because I don't want other people to worry about me.
9:09:35 > 9:09:38Just push your chin out a little, hon.
9:09:38 > 9:09:40That's it, and down a little.
9:09:40 > 9:09:43I don't want their pity. I don't want that.
9:09:43 > 9:09:49Because if I take on their pity then it's going to make me feel or think,
9:09:49 > 9:09:55"Oh, yeah, I'm a poor girl, what I have to deal with."
9:09:55 > 9:09:57Then I can't continue any more.
9:09:58 > 9:10:00I'm still here,
9:10:00 > 9:10:07and I'm kicking and I'm fighting to get as much out of life as possible.
9:10:07 > 9:10:09And in the end, we all go to the same place.
9:10:09 > 9:10:13All of us. It's just a matter of time.
9:10:35 > 9:10:38It's quite strange, actually, because when you've always been into
9:10:38 > 9:10:42sport and fitness and that sort of thing, and enjoyed life to the full,
9:10:42 > 9:10:45to all of a sudden be told that you're...
9:10:45 > 9:10:48For want of a better word, dying.
9:10:48 > 9:10:50It's quite a strange feeling.
9:11:25 > 9:11:29I went and met my daughter for lunch, who's 18.
9:11:29 > 9:11:31The first thing I said was,
9:11:31 > 9:11:35"If I said to you, quality or quantity, what would you say?"
9:11:35 > 9:11:37And Charlotte said, "Quality."
9:11:37 > 9:11:40She said, "Why do you ask?" And I told her the situation.
9:11:40 > 9:11:43And she said, "Well, I'd like you to say quality, as well."
9:11:43 > 9:11:45When I was diagnosed, I was told
9:11:45 > 9:11:47that I probably had about five years to live.
9:11:47 > 9:11:49But instead of turning my energy inwards,
9:11:49 > 9:11:53I wanted to project it out, to help people, really.
9:11:53 > 9:11:55And I started up a charity called Climbers Against Cancer,
9:11:55 > 9:11:57or CAC for short.
9:11:57 > 9:12:00I've already raised somewhere in the region of £75,000.
9:12:01 > 9:12:03Cancer's a big word.
9:12:03 > 9:12:05It's too big actually, it shouldn't be that big.
9:12:05 > 9:12:08It's a terrible disease, a lot of people die of it,
9:12:08 > 9:12:10but people are really frightened of cancer.
9:12:10 > 9:12:15And what I wanted to do was create a sort of vibrancy around cancer,
9:12:15 > 9:12:18create a happiness, so people can see that, you know,
9:12:18 > 9:12:21here's a guy that's got terminal cancer, I'm just a regular guy,
9:12:21 > 9:12:24but I can deal with it the way I deal with it,
9:12:24 > 9:12:25and I can smile all the way through it.
9:12:25 > 9:12:27I'm not saying I'm happy all the time,
9:12:27 > 9:12:32but predominantly, I can be really happy and love life as you should.
9:12:33 > 9:12:37I'm really quite humbled by the whole thing, because
9:12:37 > 9:12:42little old me, in little old Ribchester in the Ribble Valley,
9:12:42 > 9:12:45comes up with an idea that's affecting people around the world.
9:12:45 > 9:12:47It's really quite rewarding.
9:12:48 > 9:12:52It's really important to me that Charlotte can look back
9:12:52 > 9:12:54and think, you know, "My dad were a cool guy."
9:12:56 > 9:12:59Now that's me nearly getting upset, there.
9:13:22 > 9:13:27I'm considering myself as an Amazonian Indian woman.
9:13:27 > 9:13:32You know, the Amazonians purposely cut off their breasts,
9:13:32 > 9:13:35so they could shoot their arrows?
9:13:35 > 9:13:39That's true! Yeah, that is actually true.
9:13:39 > 9:13:42And I thought, "Well it's only a bit of flesh, it's not that important."
9:13:44 > 9:13:49It should symbolise the inner strength that comes through me,
9:13:49 > 9:13:51how I want to deal with this.
9:13:51 > 9:13:54That I'm fighting to the bitter end. I'm not giving up.
9:13:57 > 9:14:02I see a warrior. I see someone battling her illness, that will win.
9:14:04 > 9:14:09She may die in the process, but she'll still be a winner.
9:14:27 > 9:14:31John brings a new dimension to optimism.
9:14:31 > 9:14:36I think he's the kind of person that I wanted to do the project to meet, really.
9:14:36 > 9:14:39He's the sort of person that I thought we'd come across,
9:14:39 > 9:14:46but he's almost liked pumped, amplified, he's like a steroid version of optimistic.
9:14:47 > 9:14:49Yeah, really looking through the lens.
9:14:52 > 9:14:55The thing about CAC I really like is the minute you say it, you smile.
9:14:55 > 9:15:00Know what I mean? You can't...CAC, it makes you...it makes you smile.
9:15:00 > 9:15:05- It's cheerful. - Yeah. It's fun, but...
9:15:06 > 9:15:08We all know there's a serious side to it, though.
9:15:10 > 9:15:13- But you can't let that get to you. - No, of course not.
9:15:16 > 9:15:18How do you stop it getting to you though?
9:15:18 > 9:15:21You wake up every morning with a smile on your face.
9:15:21 > 9:15:24Is that how you get, sort of, through it?
9:15:24 > 9:15:27Yeah, yeah. It's terminal, but you can't moan about it.
9:15:27 > 9:15:33He's my perfect subject, really - a golden ticket of subjects,
9:15:33 > 9:15:36because he comes out and makes you feel at ease
9:15:36 > 9:15:40talking about something that's very hard to discuss.
9:15:40 > 9:15:43And then, on top of that, he takes the mickey out of it.
9:15:43 > 9:15:46Do me! Do me! He's going to do me! Do me.
9:15:46 > 9:15:48Actually I'll shoot it, I'll shoot it.
9:15:48 > 9:15:50That's great, do me.
9:15:50 > 9:15:56He's brilliant, but very hard for me to photograph, because I couldn't work out what would be meaningful
9:15:56 > 9:15:59to the people who'd see the shots, and to him.
9:15:59 > 9:16:01Can you tip your glasses to the side?
9:16:03 > 9:16:07He did try a few pictures that were a bit "Eric Morecambe" looking.
9:16:07 > 9:16:11I wasn't sure if that was... really me, as such.
9:16:11 > 9:16:15I like natural humour rather than contrived humour, if you will.
9:16:16 > 9:16:19I think we need to do something like that with you.
9:16:19 > 9:16:22You're so...you're not a serious per-... I mean...
9:16:22 > 9:16:25No, I find it hard to be serious.
9:16:26 > 9:16:29Try the other way, try the other way.
9:16:29 > 9:16:32Very good. OK, good, well done. That's brilliant.
9:16:34 > 9:16:35Come and have a look at that.
9:16:38 > 9:16:40So you couldn't do two together?
9:16:40 > 9:16:45I could do two together or I could do you facing each other, which could be quite nice.
9:16:45 > 9:16:49It's almost like one person is looking at another person,
9:16:49 > 9:16:51you know what I mean, in the mirror?
9:16:57 > 9:17:03I think he went for a great shot cos he referred to the fun one as him,
9:17:03 > 9:17:08and the other one, as his life with cancer, which I thought was quite...
9:17:09 > 9:17:13..quite...quite emotional, really.
9:17:28 > 9:17:33I'm not normally like this. I don't normally bring myself into projects quite as much.
9:17:33 > 9:17:37But this one, I've just gone inside my own head.
9:17:37 > 9:17:43Kind of a self-obsession, about my own personal mortality.
9:17:43 > 9:17:48And I'm trying really hard to process that, get it out of me,
9:17:48 > 9:17:51and just doing these things gets it out.
9:17:53 > 9:17:56The skull has always been this symbol of death,
9:17:56 > 9:17:59but it's been sort of hijacked by the fashion world.'
9:17:59 > 9:18:03You see it everywhere - T-shirts, perfume bottles, jewellery.
9:18:03 > 9:18:06It's, kind of, lost that original meaning.
9:18:06 > 9:18:10So I wanted to play with that a bit by doing some self-portraits,
9:18:10 > 9:18:14even though I know it's going to make me look totally self-obsessed.
9:18:14 > 9:18:16CAMERA SHUTTER
9:18:16 > 9:18:19I guess this probably is the most indulgent I can be.
9:18:45 > 9:18:49Of all the people I've photographed writer Diana Athill is one of the most impressive.
9:18:49 > 9:18:53She's lived a long and full life...
9:18:51 > 9:18:53KNOCKING
9:18:53 > 9:18:57..and is coming closer to her own death, something she's written about candidly.
9:18:57 > 9:18:59Hello, Rankin, how nice to see you again.
9:18:59 > 9:19:03- Hi, Diana, how are you. - I'm all right, come on in.
9:19:03 > 9:19:07- You look really well.- So do you.
9:19:09 > 9:19:13And what's the point of this programme, what is it that you're trying to get at?
9:19:13 > 9:19:19The core of it is that I'm scared of death, and I've realised,
9:19:19 > 9:19:22through my parents passing away, that I'm scared of death.
9:19:22 > 9:19:24I remember when I was very young...
9:19:26 > 9:19:30..I think it was Montaigne who said everyone ought to spend 15 minutes
9:19:30 > 9:19:33every day thinking about death, so they're used to the idea.
9:19:33 > 9:19:36And I thought, "that's rather sensible!"
9:19:36 > 9:19:41And it seemed to me, very quickly, that it was a part of life.
9:19:41 > 9:19:45Even enormous mountains, they have a beginning,
9:19:45 > 9:19:50they come up to their best and then they wear away and then they die.
9:19:50 > 9:19:52Everything does.
9:19:52 > 9:19:57That's the pattern of how life works and if it didn't work like that, God knows where we'd be.
9:19:58 > 9:20:05- So that it can't be, if it's SO completely universal, it can't be that bad...- Hm.
9:20:05 > 9:20:07..is how it struck me.
9:20:07 > 9:20:11It's the most ordinary thing in the world. Why be frightened of it?
9:20:11 > 9:20:15There's things I think I'll miss, you know, I'm going to miss...
9:20:15 > 9:20:17like, a sunrise.
9:20:17 > 9:20:21You won't miss it, darling, because you won't be there to miss it!
9:20:22 > 9:20:28I remember a friend of mine who felt it very strongly.
9:20:28 > 9:20:34He would wake up in the night and say "I'm going to die. How awful!
9:20:35 > 9:20:39"And all those fucking birds will still go on singing!"
9:20:39 > 9:20:41LAUGHTER
9:20:41 > 9:20:44I said, well, that's what cheers me up!
9:20:44 > 9:20:45I like to think...
9:20:45 > 9:20:47All the birds singing.
9:20:47 > 9:20:52..all the birds go on singing, babies go on being born, life goes on.
9:20:52 > 9:20:55It doesn't make me feel bad, it makes me feel better.
9:20:55 > 9:20:59It made him feel furious, he wanted them all to stop!
9:20:59 > 9:21:05A lot of what I'm talking about is just this selfish notion of how important my death is to me.
9:21:05 > 9:21:08It's not really going to be that important to anyone else!
9:21:08 > 9:21:11It's going to be very important to other people -
9:21:11 > 9:21:14more important to other people, than it is to you, actually,
9:21:14 > 9:21:17because they're going to know about it.
9:21:17 > 9:21:20So, basically, I'm just a whining middle-aged bloke.
9:21:22 > 9:21:24I think it's fine. I just needed to be told that.
9:21:28 > 9:21:30HEAVY BREATHING
9:21:46 > 9:21:50Something has to make you feel good and clothes make me feel good.
9:21:50 > 9:21:55And why shouldn't a guy of almost 70 wear pink shoes, if he wants to wear pink shoes?
9:21:55 > 9:21:59No reason at all. So, it's just something that keeps me happy.
9:21:59 > 9:22:03And so few things do. So, bugger it!
9:22:33 > 9:22:37Most people would just think a bath is just something you do,
9:22:37 > 9:22:42but when you can't have 'em, you really see the benefit of having 'em.
9:22:42 > 9:22:46It takes you out of yourself for a while.
9:22:46 > 9:22:50It's another diversion to stop you thinking about bloody dying.
9:22:50 > 9:22:57You're laying here warm and comfortable and the bubbles are going. And it's grand fun!
9:23:11 > 9:23:15We'll start off me funeral with All Things Bright And Beautiful.
9:23:15 > 9:23:18Then we move onto It Ain't Necessarily So.
9:23:18 > 9:23:20Then, we have Pluck It.
9:23:20 > 9:23:26And then we go out, as I go through the curtains, we're going out to The Internationale.
9:23:26 > 9:23:27And that'll wind a few up!
9:23:41 > 9:23:47Aye, lots of people I'd like to say goodbye to, I don't see anymore.
9:23:49 > 9:23:52I either can't get to where they are
9:23:52 > 9:23:55or I'm frightened to go to where they are.
9:23:57 > 9:23:59They don't come to me.
9:23:59 > 9:24:03That's the saddest bit of my life at the minute, it's...
9:24:07 > 9:24:09..that I just don't see people any longer.
9:24:13 > 9:24:17We had some wonderful times with the bikes. We did the Beaujolais run.
9:24:17 > 9:24:23We were in each other's pockets for years and it's...it's all gone.
9:24:24 > 9:24:28But...that's the way life goes, I suppose.
9:24:37 > 9:24:38Where do I find joy?
9:24:40 > 9:24:42Sitting and holding me wife's hand.
9:24:42 > 9:24:47Sometimes it's nice just to sit and hold hands.
9:24:47 > 9:24:50It's lovely and comforting and...
9:24:50 > 9:24:54..I think...no, I might well up...no! OK?
9:24:56 > 9:24:57OK?
9:24:58 > 9:24:59Enough!
9:25:02 > 9:25:03EXHALES
9:25:08 > 9:25:09You can't...
9:25:18 > 9:25:22..you don't ever accept that you're dying.
9:25:27 > 9:25:29You can't.
9:25:30 > 9:25:32Yeah, you can't take it in.
9:25:34 > 9:25:36And then sometimes, it just does.
9:25:38 > 9:25:39CLEARS THROAT
9:25:56 > 9:26:00MUSIC
9:26:14 > 9:26:17Well, I mean, what is this problem people have with death, right?
9:26:17 > 9:26:21I mean...it's our natural state.
9:26:21 > 9:26:26Time began 13 billion years ago, whatever, with The Big Bang.
9:26:26 > 9:26:28I was dead, actually, at that time.
9:26:28 > 9:26:34And so I was right up until... right up until 1947, when...
9:26:36 > 9:26:39..I started trying to puzzle things out, you know.
9:26:39 > 9:26:46And now after this brief glimpse at this...vast universe, I'm going back to that.
9:26:46 > 9:26:49I've had 13 billion years of practise!
9:27:03 > 9:27:06BLUES MUSIC
9:27:11 > 9:27:17In January, legendary Dr Feelgood guitarist Wilko Johnson was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer
9:27:17 > 9:27:19and given nine months to live.
9:27:19 > 9:27:24But it was his attitude to that prognosis that caught the attention of the world's media.
9:27:26 > 9:27:31I always have been a miserable so-and-so and we walked out of the hospital
9:27:31 > 9:27:39and the sky was very bright and seeing the trees against the sky, you know?
9:27:39 > 9:27:43Fucking hell, man, it looks so good! And I just felt this...
9:27:45 > 9:27:47..elation.
9:27:47 > 9:27:49I thought, "you are alive!"
9:27:49 > 9:27:56And you can walk out on the street and the very paving stones seem to be shimmering, you know?
9:27:56 > 9:27:59Like it's, er...wow!
9:28:00 > 9:28:05I mean, I realise my attitude may seem unusual or something, but it seems to be
9:28:05 > 9:28:08a very logical attitude.
9:28:08 > 9:28:13I mean, erm...everybody's going to die, you know.
9:28:13 > 9:28:18And I've got the advantage of knowing it's worked out for me.
9:28:20 > 9:28:26Because death is something you always looked at as something in the indefinite future.
9:28:26 > 9:28:31I'm sure that when you're 95, you will be thinking the same thing. It's...it's...
9:28:31 > 9:28:33And...
9:28:34 > 9:28:37..me, it's going to be...
9:28:39 > 9:28:42..I don't know, a few months or something?
9:28:42 > 9:28:47"But, if it be not now, then 'tis to come.
9:28:47 > 9:28:50"If it be not to come, then 'twill be now.
9:28:50 > 9:28:55"But if it be not now, yet it will come."
9:28:55 > 9:28:59Hamlet, you see. He was right. It's true for everybody - it will come.
9:29:01 > 9:29:03MUSIC: "Johnny Be Goode"
9:29:10 > 9:29:14We finished the set with this song, Bye-Bye, Johnny.
9:29:14 > 9:29:22The crowd is all below you. It was really rammed and they're all going "Bye, bye, bye."
9:29:22 > 9:29:28And I tell you what, you could have waxed very sentimental over this, right, but it didn't.
9:29:28 > 9:29:30That was a buzz!
9:29:30 > 9:29:33Because it was such a great piece of showbusiness!
9:29:33 > 9:29:37Everybody's crying and that. It's fantastic!
9:29:39 > 9:29:41# Goodbye, Johnny, be goode. #
9:29:55 > 9:29:58Thank you! Goodnight!
9:29:58 > 9:29:59..and goodbye.
9:29:59 > 9:30:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
9:30:15 > 9:30:20Yes! Spot on. Wait until you see the cufflinks.
9:30:20 > 9:30:23Somebody said I was a, sort of, champagne Socialist.
9:30:23 > 9:30:25I'm not, I'm a champagne Communist!
9:30:25 > 9:30:28LAUGHS
9:30:28 > 9:30:29- Brilliant!- >
9:30:30 > 9:30:32My hairdresser, Andrew...
9:30:33 > 9:30:40..he's about 6 foot 3 and broad and if he finds you've buggered it up,
9:30:40 > 9:30:42he'll beat you all over the place!
9:30:42 > 9:30:43LAUGHTER
9:30:45 > 9:30:47CHEERING
9:30:56 > 9:30:57You look amazing.
9:30:57 > 9:30:59Thank you very much.
9:30:59 > 9:31:02Wish I could say the same about you, with your terrible eye.
9:31:02 > 9:31:04LAUGHTER
9:31:04 > 9:31:05Straighten your head.
9:31:05 > 9:31:09- My assistants now love you, do you know that?- That's OK.
9:31:09 > 9:31:11Straighten your head a little that way...
9:31:11 > 9:31:13Drop your shoulders a little bit, if you can.
9:31:13 > 9:31:15Breathing is a problem with that.
9:31:15 > 9:31:17- Oh, really?- Yeah. - Do you have to have them up?
9:31:17 > 9:31:19- I tend to.- Go on, then, put them up.
9:31:19 > 9:31:21No, it's all right, I 'll keep them down.
9:31:21 > 9:31:25- Can you put your hands up still? - Yeah, yeah.- That's great.
9:31:25 > 9:31:29And leaning to me a little... That's great, yeah, good.
9:31:31 > 9:31:32And take the light a bit higher.
9:31:32 > 9:31:36Just push your chin out a little for me. That's gorgeous.
9:31:38 > 9:31:41- Can I have a break for a minute? - Yeah, cool.
9:31:41 > 9:31:43Sorry, it's keeping my shoulders down.
9:31:43 > 9:31:45Yeah, sorry, I didn't realise.
9:31:46 > 9:31:48- I think I've got it.- Sure?
9:31:48 > 9:31:52- I'm going to show you and see what you think.- Yeah?- Yeah.
9:31:52 > 9:31:53Here you go.
9:31:54 > 9:32:00- Oh, I like that. I DO like that! Isn't that lovely?- I really like it.
9:32:00 > 9:32:03- That is super. - And I like your eyes in it.
9:32:03 > 9:32:04HE LAUGHS
9:32:04 > 9:32:06- Oh, impressed!- Good!
9:32:06 > 9:32:08Are you happy with it?
9:32:08 > 9:32:10- I'm very, very happy with it.- Good.
9:32:10 > 9:32:13I think it captures something about you.
9:32:13 > 9:32:16- I'm ever so pleased with that, I must admit.- Are you?- Yeah.
9:32:16 > 9:32:19Oh, that's brilliant!
9:32:19 > 9:32:21You're a clever bugger, aren't you?
9:32:27 > 9:32:29You've got the best eyes in the world.
9:32:29 > 9:32:33If you can maybe bring one hand up here. Like that, yeah.
9:32:33 > 9:32:35And lean this way a bit more...
9:32:39 > 9:32:45Do you think, as an artist, like, you contemplated death in the past?
9:32:45 > 9:32:49Do you think that prepares you more for it, at all?
9:32:49 > 9:32:55My wife died of cancer, I think nearly nine years ago now.
9:32:55 > 9:32:59We were together for 40 years and I love her still.
9:33:02 > 9:33:08It was just this terrible thing, you know, that I knew she was going.
9:33:08 > 9:33:12I might be sitting down here and she was upstairs in bed.
9:33:12 > 9:33:15And I'm thinking, "Man, she's... Wow!"
9:33:15 > 9:33:18So I'd go up and sit with her and thinking, "Stop the clock!"
9:33:18 > 9:33:21- You know? She's here! She's going to go.- Slow down time.
9:33:21 > 9:33:25Yeah. Stop it, stop it! You know, but, of course...
9:33:25 > 9:33:27it inevitably happens.
9:33:28 > 9:33:30Now put your chin right out.
9:33:30 > 9:33:31That's great.
9:33:31 > 9:33:35I do believe we have a soul, but I don't believe it's immortal.
9:33:35 > 9:33:37And I think consciousness is a product
9:33:37 > 9:33:40of this organ in our heads, you know,
9:33:40 > 9:33:44and once that stops, there's no more consciousness and no more soul.
9:33:46 > 9:33:49If I thought that I would see Irene again, when I die,
9:33:49 > 9:33:53I would have killed myself nine years ago, you know, so...
9:33:56 > 9:33:57..I'll find out.
9:33:57 > 9:34:00Well, I won't find out, will I? Cos I won't be here to find out.
9:34:00 > 9:34:01HE LAUGHS
9:34:01 > 9:34:04It's a big...yeah, it's a tricky one, a tricky one.
9:34:04 > 9:34:05MUSIC: "One Kind Favour"
9:34:05 > 9:34:10# You know it's one kind favour I'll ask to you
9:34:10 > 9:34:17# You know it's one kind favour I'll ask to you
9:34:17 > 9:34:22# One kind favour I'll ask to you
9:34:22 > 9:34:28# See that my grave is kept clean... #
9:34:53 > 9:34:54Hello!
9:34:54 > 9:34:57Hello, it is very nice to meet you.
9:34:57 > 9:34:59Lovely to meet you, I've been so excited to meet you!
9:34:59 > 9:35:03Oh, I am very excited to meet you! I am very happy to meet you.
9:35:07 > 9:35:11I am a Hungarian camp survivor,
9:35:11 > 9:35:13slave-labour survivor
9:35:13 > 9:35:16and death march survivor.
9:35:16 > 9:35:20So I survived quite a lot in my life.
9:35:20 > 9:35:23So you've looked death in the eye a few times?
9:35:23 > 9:35:25More than one time.
9:35:27 > 9:35:32First of all, I looked death in the eye
9:35:32 > 9:35:35when we arrived in the camp.
9:35:35 > 9:35:38- Which camp were you in? - Auschwitz.- Auschwitz.
9:35:43 > 9:35:47The life was so difficult, we had no food.
9:35:48 > 9:35:52We... How we slept,
9:35:52 > 9:35:56even animals would not sleep like that.
9:36:00 > 9:36:03We were not taken for humans.
9:36:05 > 9:36:08Their aim was to kill us.
9:36:08 > 9:36:13- Yeah.- It was an upside-down world -
9:36:13 > 9:36:17bad was good, good was bad.
9:36:17 > 9:36:19Killing was OK, that was the norm.
9:36:21 > 9:36:25When you helped somebody, when you tried to be kind to somebody,
9:36:25 > 9:36:27you were punished for that.
9:36:30 > 9:36:34So the situation was so bad,
9:36:34 > 9:36:37that, in a way, you wanted to die.
9:36:37 > 9:36:41But when you went before the Germans
9:36:41 > 9:36:44and you know, you can be selected now,
9:36:44 > 9:36:47and they take you now to be killed,
9:36:47 > 9:36:51somehow, then, you were afraid.
9:36:51 > 9:36:52Right.
9:36:52 > 9:36:56That shows how strong is life.
9:37:11 > 9:37:17Now, life must be so amazing?
9:37:17 > 9:37:19It is.
9:37:19 > 9:37:23I appreciate life, every moment,
9:37:23 > 9:37:27because I knew I get a second chance.
9:37:27 > 9:37:30Cos you seem a very optimistic person.
9:37:30 > 9:37:36What I have learned from this is take everything how it comes.
9:37:36 > 9:37:41In one word - to be tolerant to each other.
9:37:41 > 9:37:43Uh-huh, yeah.
9:37:43 > 9:37:48If somebody is different than you,
9:37:48 > 9:37:54it does not mean that he is better or worse - just different.
9:37:55 > 9:37:59But one thing is sure for all of us humans -
9:37:59 > 9:38:03our blood is red and if you cut it, it hurts.
9:38:14 > 9:38:17Are you scared of death now?
9:38:20 > 9:38:23No, I am not afraid of, no.
9:38:23 > 9:38:25I have children.
9:38:25 > 9:38:28I never believed that I would be a mother,
9:38:28 > 9:38:31- not grandmother, great-grandmother...- Yeah.
9:38:31 > 9:38:35How did that make you feel when you were nursing your first child?
9:38:35 > 9:38:39You created life. That feeling must have been...
9:38:39 > 9:38:43That was really the first thing that really belonged to you.
9:38:43 > 9:38:45Because they took away everything -
9:38:45 > 9:38:48your family, they killed your family. They took everything.
9:38:48 > 9:38:53So the first thing really who belonged to you was the first baby.
9:38:53 > 9:38:57- So that was... - How did that make you feel?
9:38:58 > 9:39:00You cannot describe.
9:39:01 > 9:39:04You're asking me something that I cannot.
9:39:06 > 9:39:08Simply, I cannot describe it.
9:39:18 > 9:39:20There's no hate there.
9:39:20 > 9:39:24She'd taken away, from the most inhumane circumstances,
9:39:24 > 9:39:27from being that close to death, tolerance.
9:39:27 > 9:39:31I mean, how you can take that away from that, to me, is...bizarre.
9:39:33 > 9:39:37She's determined and optimistic and positive
9:39:37 > 9:39:41and has taken tolerance as a lesson.
9:39:43 > 9:39:45What an inspirational person.
9:39:46 > 9:39:48Something that struck me about Lily's home
9:39:48 > 9:39:51is that she surrounds herself with photographs.
9:39:51 > 9:39:53They're everywhere you look,
9:39:53 > 9:39:57and they remind you of what she says - of how precious life is.
9:39:57 > 9:40:00I didn't meet any of the people in these images,
9:40:00 > 9:40:02her children or grandchildren,
9:40:02 > 9:40:05but I couldn't help but think that none of them would have existed
9:40:05 > 9:40:07if she hadn't survived.
9:40:07 > 9:40:12Those photos, snapshots or not, have the potency I'm talking about.
9:40:18 > 9:40:21What I've learned is that everyone's going to die,
9:40:21 > 9:40:24and all these photographs are going to mean something when people die.
9:40:24 > 9:40:26When I die, they're going to mean something else,
9:40:26 > 9:40:29when the people in them die, they're going to mean something else.
9:40:29 > 9:40:32So if you go to the show and you look at them,
9:40:32 > 9:40:36you can't help but think about life and death.
9:40:37 > 9:40:40These photographs have a potency,
9:40:40 > 9:40:45because I've put that title on them, Alive: In The Face Of Death.
9:40:45 > 9:40:48And, actually, forget all the cameras and the lighting.
9:40:48 > 9:40:51It's engaging with people and them giving you something.
9:40:51 > 9:40:54All these people have given me something.
9:40:54 > 9:40:56And I've wrapped it up and put it in a photograph.
9:40:56 > 9:40:58And that's what's brilliant about it.
9:40:58 > 9:41:00And that's what I love about my job, that I get to do that.
9:41:02 > 9:41:06I'm sure I'm going to get criticised for it, but I don't care...
9:41:07 > 9:41:10..because I feel really good about this one.
9:41:53 > 9:41:56The reason I was interested in this, in the first place,
9:41:56 > 9:42:00was cos...a very simple thing, to start with, was the title.
9:42:00 > 9:42:04It was called Alive: In The Face Of Death, and I just thought,
9:42:04 > 9:42:07"Well, that really chimes with what I'm trying to say."
9:42:07 > 9:42:13You know, just because you acquire a terminal disease or whatever,
9:42:13 > 9:42:15it doesn't mean that you stop being yourself.
9:42:15 > 9:42:18It doesn't mean that you stop living.
9:42:18 > 9:42:20That's the way I look at it.
9:42:26 > 9:42:28You have beautiful days, you know.
9:42:28 > 9:42:30When you're going through something really grim
9:42:30 > 9:42:33and then, you go out and you have a fantastic day,
9:42:33 > 9:42:36you just appreciate it all that much more.
9:42:36 > 9:42:41And...so it's not all grim and depressing and horrible and painful.
9:42:41 > 9:42:46There's really beautiful things that come out of these situations.
9:43:18 > 9:43:21It's weird, cos, at the moment, I feel fine.
9:43:21 > 9:43:24And my friends tell me I look the same.
9:43:24 > 9:43:27You know, I have these things inside me
9:43:27 > 9:43:30that are, one day, going to kill me, um...
9:43:32 > 9:43:33But...
9:43:34 > 9:43:39Yeah, I'm making time for the things I want to make time for.
9:43:43 > 9:43:44Was it Hemmingway that said that,
9:43:44 > 9:43:48when you love someone, there's never a happy end to it?
9:43:49 > 9:43:52But, actually, I think he was also saying
9:43:52 > 9:43:56that, you know, your life is incredibly more fulfilling
9:43:56 > 9:43:58when there's somebody in it that you love
9:43:58 > 9:44:01and that you're sharing it with. And...
9:44:03 > 9:44:05..that's definitely how I've felt.
9:44:10 > 9:44:12'When you love someone, you want to take away hurt,
9:44:12 > 9:44:14'you don't want to give hurt.'
9:44:14 > 9:44:19And I'm giving hurt to quite a lot of people I love.
9:44:20 > 9:44:24And...that's why I'm crying,
9:44:24 > 9:44:27because, when I first found out the news,
9:44:27 > 9:44:34from the doctor, that there's nothing they can do about my cancer this time,
9:44:34 > 9:44:37you know, probably one of the first thoughts I had
9:44:37 > 9:44:40was about my mum and dad and Al.
9:44:40 > 9:44:43And we got home to our flat
9:44:43 > 9:44:49and I couldn't stop imagining Al having to walk into our flat
9:44:49 > 9:44:55for the first time with me gone, because I was thinking...
9:44:55 > 9:44:57I was imagining myself doing that.
9:45:02 > 9:45:04I've probably taken more photos than I've ever done,
9:45:04 > 9:45:08I've always taken a lot of photos, but I've taken lots of photos over the last few months.
9:45:08 > 9:45:11I'm recording everything.
9:45:11 > 9:45:16Yeah, I suppose I'm thinking about it, thinking, you know,
9:45:16 > 9:45:19this is the only thing that I'm going to really have left
9:45:19 > 9:45:22which is going to be so tangible of Lou.
9:45:22 > 9:45:23But...
9:45:33 > 9:45:37'I couldn't have done any of this without Al.'
9:45:37 > 9:45:42He needs to...know that it's OK...
9:45:46 > 9:45:49..to let me go.
9:45:52 > 9:45:55But I've told him I'll be watching over him
9:45:55 > 9:45:58and if he does anything wrong, I'm going to haunt him!
9:46:00 > 9:46:02And I will.
9:46:02 > 9:46:04SHE LAUGHS
9:46:23 > 9:46:27I love her. I think she's such an incredible person,
9:46:27 > 9:46:31who's not afraid of her emotions, either.
9:46:31 > 9:46:34She's not afraid to not be happy.
9:46:37 > 9:46:38That's really beautiful.
9:46:38 > 9:46:42'She's very close to her emotions.'
9:46:49 > 9:46:50Just let it go.
9:46:56 > 9:46:57Beautiful.
9:47:08 > 9:47:10That's really wonderful.
9:47:13 > 9:47:15- You OK?- Yeah, I'm all right.
9:47:26 > 9:47:30Just seeing all those photographs appear on screen
9:47:30 > 9:47:32and you can't quite believe it's yourself,
9:47:32 > 9:47:34and that it's Rankin that's taken them.
9:47:34 > 9:47:38And, you know, you're aware that it's a very special,
9:47:38 > 9:47:40like, one-off event,
9:47:40 > 9:47:42and that this isn't going to happen again.
9:47:42 > 9:47:45You know, so that makes me want to kind of cry,
9:47:45 > 9:47:47cos that was quite special.
9:47:50 > 9:47:54I think that these are really, really exciting.
9:47:54 > 9:47:56I think they are fantastic.
9:47:57 > 9:48:01I'm really hoping that I'll make the exhibition in May,
9:48:01 > 9:48:03that's my next goal.
9:50:18 > 9:50:21We all look, you know, prettily done up
9:50:21 > 9:50:24and, you know, lovely for the show,
9:50:24 > 9:50:29but the foundation of it is not really like that, is it?
9:50:29 > 9:50:31Some people are here,
9:50:31 > 9:50:33they're suffering, whilst they're going round.
9:50:33 > 9:50:36Some on the verge of dying.
9:50:36 > 9:50:38And it's, you know, it's close to home.
9:50:41 > 9:50:43But I'm not going to cry tonight.
9:50:43 > 9:50:47I want to remain the image that I'm portraying.
9:50:50 > 9:50:52I love it. And do you know what?
9:50:52 > 9:50:56I even love the middle photo more than the other two,
9:50:56 > 9:50:57which I'm shocked about.
9:50:59 > 9:51:02It's real and it shows my strength.
9:51:04 > 9:51:08It's good. It looks serious, doesn't it? You know what I mean?
9:51:08 > 9:51:11Looks like a guy who's got some thoughts on his mind.
9:51:11 > 9:51:13It just shows you!
9:51:13 > 9:51:15HE LAUGHS
9:51:18 > 9:51:20It, literally, took my breath away when I first saw it,
9:51:20 > 9:51:22it's absolutely wonderful.
9:51:22 > 9:51:25I must admit I love watching people coming up and looking at it,
9:51:25 > 9:51:29and then dashing in and saying, "Have you seen the cufflinks? Have you seen the cufflinks?"
9:51:29 > 9:51:30That goes down well and all!
9:51:33 > 9:51:35I don't think any of us feel like we're dying, you know.
9:51:35 > 9:51:39For me, I mean, I'm living. That's my view.
9:51:39 > 9:51:42And I'm living more than I was before.
9:51:42 > 9:51:46So if cancer's done that, then, you know, what can I say?
9:51:46 > 9:51:47I just think it's amazing.
9:51:47 > 9:51:50I'm really glad to be a part of it. Really, really glad.
9:51:52 > 9:51:55Yeah, there have been times when I didn't think I'd get this far.
9:51:55 > 9:51:57I mean, it's May, it's crazy.
9:51:57 > 9:52:02I mean, I remember coming out of the shoot and saying,
9:52:02 > 9:52:06"Oh, I'm so happy, you know, if I die today, I'm just so happy."
9:52:06 > 9:52:10But then, of course, the next day, I changed my mind
9:52:10 > 9:52:15and I was like, "Actually, no, I want to go to the exhibition."
9:52:15 > 9:52:20So, yeah, it's been special for me, on that level, yeah.
9:52:22 > 9:52:23I've made it.
9:53:00 > 9:53:03Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd