:00:25. > :00:31.Over to the other side, that is all. Welcome to the end of the The One
:00:31. > :00:40.Show week. Our guest tonight is a man who is all skin and bones and
:00:40. > :00:46.makes Women run a mile. No, no, no! Not you! You are on with John
:00:46. > :00:53.Sergeant. Please welcome Stephen Merchant!
:00:53. > :01:01.Hi, Steve. How are you? All right. That joke is insultingly, right?
:01:01. > :01:09.That took us all afternoon. It was not even a joke. Just then a bit
:01:09. > :01:19.longer next time. How have you been. Good. How are you? Good. What have
:01:19. > :01:19.
:01:19. > :01:25.you been doing? I was not just like at Chris's house. I do a bit of
:01:25. > :01:32.writing. That is what I have been doing. I had a sandwich. It has
:01:32. > :01:38.been a packed day. It is all about mummy news tonight. Can you put
:01:38. > :01:48.those on, please, Steve? We wanted to handle the goblet in front of
:01:48. > :01:49.
:01:49. > :01:59.you. -- we want you. This is 3,000 years old. Come on! Just put the
:01:59. > :02:00.
:02:00. > :02:08.gloves on. Be careful! That is extraordinary. That is 3,000 years
:02:08. > :02:18.old. The wow. It is the eternal cup of life. It is like when you go to
:02:18. > :02:19.
:02:19. > :02:24.a restaurant and get a bottomless drink. 10 grand. 10 ran, mate.
:02:24. > :02:29.Nobody will sell it to you. More artifacts later. I am genuinely
:02:29. > :02:37.excited. There really is mummy news tonight because Manchester Museum
:02:37. > :02:47.is making public 24 of its specimens. We sent our own
:02:47. > :02:49.
:02:49. > :02:55.priceless relic - I did not right The Manchester children's hospital
:02:55. > :03:01.cares for nearly 200,000 young people every year. But tonight the
:03:01. > :03:09.radiology department are seeing an older patient. This is Dmitri, a
:03:09. > :03:13.magnificent, 2000 year old gilded Egyptian mummy. -- Dmitri hour. For
:03:13. > :03:20.the first time, the mysteries of what lies behind had bandages will
:03:20. > :03:29.be revealed in minute detail. This scanner will bring her back to life.
:03:29. > :03:39.She was discovered in 1910 at the sight of -- in Egypt. She has been
:03:39. > :03:40.
:03:40. > :03:48.on display since then in Manchester. Were she Royal? She was not. People
:03:48. > :03:52.assume that every ancient Egyptian was mummified. That is not the case.
:03:52. > :03:55.For most of the population, it was a pit in the sand. The body may
:03:55. > :03:59.have been preserved but you may not have been covered in nice things
:03:59. > :04:07.for the afterlife. The University of Manchester has been a pioneer in
:04:08. > :04:12.this research since they carefully unwrapped a mummy in 1908 in front
:04:12. > :04:20.of a packed auditorium. Over 100 years later, the tradition of
:04:20. > :04:26.research continues. What will be scanned do? It has an X-ray source
:04:26. > :04:30.that rotates rapidly. It is like a bacon slicer. You are doing now
:04:30. > :04:35.rare slices. There will be around 3,000 slices, and then, with
:04:35. > :04:43.software, you can get information. And the mummy will not be hurt at
:04:43. > :04:52.all? No, because we don't have to worry about radiation. Waiting for
:04:52. > :04:57.the result. Wow. What do you think? That is terrific. What are the
:04:57. > :05:02.seeing? That allows us to look inside the painted plaster. Here,
:05:02. > :05:07.you can see the spine. It is fractured there. You can see the
:05:07. > :05:13.chest is tightly wrapped. The pelvis is disrupted. Normally the
:05:13. > :05:17.chest would be that shape. That has probably happened postmortem. I did
:05:17. > :05:24.not see any evidence of disease. The wrappings are in good condition.
:05:24. > :05:31.She has got some Stubbs. What are they? They are gold-plated Stubbs
:05:31. > :05:36.in the wrappings. What are we seeing here? These are the eyes.
:05:36. > :05:46.This bone is missing. That tells us that the brain has been taken out
:05:46. > :05:47.
:05:47. > :05:52.through the nose. Oh. Classic mummification. A bit grim!
:05:52. > :05:58.Egyptians did not believe there was higher brain function. If you take
:05:58. > :06:07.the brain out, it cleans the skull and stops decay. This is the first
:06:08. > :06:17.time anybody has seen it like this. It is. Dosh. -- Ghosh. She has got
:06:17. > :06:27.As long as she looked good on the outside, she would be good for
:06:27. > :06:28.
:06:28. > :06:33.eternity. So this is not a bad mummification? It is quality.
:06:33. > :06:38.think she has come to life again as somebody who lived in ancient Egypt.
:06:38. > :06:48.That is how you should remember her. I think I will.
:06:48. > :06:50.
:06:51. > :06:56.So John is back from smuggling mummies. How are you? I am well.
:06:56. > :07:01.the mummy, we know about her. What about the others? All over the
:07:01. > :07:06.world, there are several hundred. If you are an Egyptologist, you are
:07:06. > :07:11.in heaven. You really want to see these mummies. It is what people
:07:11. > :07:16.are doing across the world. We have already acquainted ourselves with
:07:16. > :07:24.the lovely dream vessel here. Can you tell us what these other two
:07:24. > :07:28.are? This is important. We are being careful. The point about this
:07:28. > :07:34.is it is magical. All of these things are magical. You don't need
:07:34. > :07:40.any liquid. You can just drink forever. One drink or any drink?
:07:40. > :07:48.Anything. It is like a free bar! If you have got a chance of one of
:07:48. > :07:58.these, take one. Deduce still that from Manchester University? I had
:07:58. > :08:02.
:08:02. > :08:12.to work hard to get that. -- deduce If you turn this over, this warns
:08:12. > :08:15.
:08:15. > :08:25.your heart not to lie about yourself. That is pretty good.
:08:25. > :08:25.
:08:25. > :08:32.of these things matter in the afterlife. The last bit, this is
:08:32. > :08:40.incredible. You can see those fingers? Those are the fingers of
:08:40. > :08:47.the guy that wrenched the stuff out of the body of the mummy. That is a
:08:47. > :08:54.terrible sign. It says, back off. IMA mummy and I want to live
:08:54. > :09:04.forever. Those are the actual fingers of the M Obama. -- of the
:09:04. > :09:05.
:09:05. > :09:14.man who embalmed the mummy. These are not real fingers. Oh, I see!
:09:14. > :09:24.thought we had got past that. Let's calm down. But this is a
:09:24. > :09:25.
:09:25. > :09:35.representation. We want to know why mummies are called mummies. It's
:09:35. > :09:39.
:09:39. > :09:49.because one of the preservation fluids was called mummia. Fat is a
:09:49. > :09:51.
:09:51. > :09:58.rubbish reason! -- that is. We have got an example of an animal. A cat.
:09:58. > :10:04.That is a cat case. You can see the gap between the two sides. That is
:10:04. > :10:14.where you put the body of the cat. What else have you got? Or more
:10:14. > :10:20.
:10:20. > :10:28.animals! That is a crocodile. It is a small crocodile. What about this?
:10:28. > :10:35.That is a bird. So you are in the afterlife and you have got to staff
:10:35. > :10:39.with you. A round of applause for John!
:10:39. > :10:45.We after stories of amazing things Suns have done with their fathers
:10:45. > :10:54.for next week. Bruce Willis is going to be here! His new film is
:10:54. > :10:59.all about him and his son. E-mail us. Any photographer worth their
:10:59. > :11:09.salt will tell you that light is key to a good but will --
:11:09. > :11:11.
:11:11. > :11:17.Britain is rarely celebrated for its sunshine. But in the 18th
:11:17. > :11:21.century, Mary and Jane set about solving this perennial problem.
:11:21. > :11:26.There are deer was simplicity itself, but the beauty was in the
:11:26. > :11:32.detail. -- their idea. Having spent 10 years touring
:11:32. > :11:37.Europe, the Cousins returned to Devon in 7095, laden with souvenirs
:11:37. > :11:45.and with a dream of a house that maximised the week English sun. --
:11:45. > :11:49.17 of 95. So they built this 16 sided house, which, appropriately,
:11:49. > :11:54.means all around. The building has been designed so that the ladies
:11:54. > :11:58.could follow the sun around the house during the day. As the sun
:11:58. > :12:02.travels from East to West, one room after another has the benefit of
:12:02. > :12:09.direct sunshine. The ladies could follow the sun around the house.
:12:09. > :12:15.The day would begin in the east, in the study. Then, it would follow
:12:15. > :12:21.the sun to the musical room. The library. Then the drawing room. By
:12:21. > :12:31.the time it was dark, it would retire for supper in the dining
:12:31. > :12:36.
:12:36. > :12:44.The cousins could only ever appreciate their clever idea one
:12:44. > :12:52.room-mate time. But what I want to do his capture a whole day at A La
:12:52. > :12:56.Ronde in one shot. Fortunately, technology is on our side. Not only
:12:56. > :13:00.is the camera set up with a time that that is going to take a
:13:01. > :13:05.photograph every three minutes, but it is on a tripod driven by a motor,
:13:05. > :13:12.which is going to follow the sun through the day until it sets in
:13:12. > :13:17.the West. All I need to do is press the button.
:13:17. > :13:22.The two spinsters were, in early days, feminists. The conditions of
:13:22. > :13:27.their will said the house could only ever be passed to a man if no
:13:27. > :13:32.other female relative to be found. As a result, A La Ronde has only
:13:32. > :13:38.ever had one male owner in almost 200 years before the National Trust
:13:38. > :13:44.bought it in 1991. Even today, the spirit of the ladies is not only
:13:44. > :13:50.inside the walls, but covers them. They were added craft people,
:13:50. > :13:56.experimenting and a whole range of materials, a past and that dictated
:13:56. > :14:00.the building's form. They needed as much light as the day would give
:14:00. > :14:06.them, which is where A La Ronde's octagonal brilliance comes into
:14:06. > :14:14.play. This is true at the top of the House, especially. As you come
:14:14. > :14:19.around the corner, there's and amazing surprise. Upstairs? Yes.
:14:19. > :14:28.The crowning glory is exceptionally delicate up here, and visitors are
:14:28. > :14:33.not allowed. But today we have been given exclusive access. My goodness.
:14:33. > :14:39.I don't think I have ever seen anything quite like this before,
:14:39. > :14:47.Salli, or indeed anything like this. How have they made this? At the
:14:47. > :14:57.time, the house was really fashionable because it had a grotto,
:14:57. > :15:00.
:15:00. > :15:10.It is quite high up here. 10 metres above the crowd we took them
:15:10. > :15:14.
:15:14. > :15:18.several years to create this It is an extraordinary undertaking
:15:18. > :15:25.in an extraordinary house. Through the use of our camera, we have
:15:25. > :15:30.captured nearly 600 photos which I can flick through like a flick book.
:15:30. > :15:37.Even better, once they are put together on a computer, it reveals
:15:37. > :15:47.the genius of the ladies and their idea. A house that makes the most
:15:47. > :15:57.
:15:57. > :16:05.of the week British sunshine from That was a good film with a clever
:16:05. > :16:08.technique. I used to have the jury box like that. As big as that?
:16:08. > :16:13.I saw I Give It A Year this afternoon and I thought it was
:16:13. > :16:18.brilliant. He was supposed to be asking about his showbiz home.
:16:18. > :16:24.thought we would skirt over it. either of you know what is going
:16:24. > :16:28.on? I was laughing like a drain in the cinema. For people who have not
:16:28. > :16:34.seen it, which is everybody because it is not out, can you give us a
:16:34. > :16:40.synopsis? There are a couple of newly weds... Don't just go through
:16:40. > :16:43.the motions. We have only got 14 seconds to answer the question. I
:16:43. > :16:47.am trying to rattle through and now I do not have time to explain
:16:47. > :16:53.because I have to answer your question. Review would just shut up,
:16:53. > :16:59.I could explain. The energy is better straight away. Go and see it.
:16:59. > :17:06.She loved it in the cinema on her own, like a tragic, lonely woman.
:17:06. > :17:12.It is about a phrase often muttered at weddings, isn't it? It is a spin
:17:12. > :17:16.on a romantic comedy. You are the best man and friend of the groom.
:17:16. > :17:21.The problem with this clip is that because it is 7pm on Friday night
:17:21. > :17:26.you have had to cut out all of the jokes. So you will basically see me
:17:26. > :17:31.talking. It is good but it could be better, so use your imagination.
:17:31. > :17:39.This is the definitive worst best man's speech, and it is horrendous.
:17:39. > :17:43.Yes, but you will not see it. Because it is BBC One and it is 7pm.
:17:43. > :17:48.For those of you who do not know me, and especially if we meet in the
:17:49. > :17:53.bar later, my name is Danny, do you want a pint? It is great to see so
:17:53. > :17:56.many people turn out to see him tie the knot, and about time. She has
:17:56. > :18:01.got it all. She is brilliantly clever and I thought she could
:18:01. > :18:06.easily be a model, if it were not for her nose. I have no idea why
:18:06. > :18:10.her previous boyfriend cheated on her but I am glad that he did. You
:18:10. > :18:16.are 8 out of 10, and I mean that sincerely. We are delighted you
:18:16. > :18:23.have found each other. Everyone, raise your glass as we say a toast
:18:23. > :18:27.to Nat and Josh. That is how it starts, but where does it go?
:18:27. > :18:30.are the difficulties of the first year of marriage, the fact that now
:18:30. > :18:33.you are having to deal with the mechanics of living together, who
:18:33. > :18:40.takes out the rubbish, and this and that, the petty gripes and
:18:40. > :18:45.squabbles. The romance ebbs away. It is a happy film! Your character
:18:45. > :18:52.is probably the most annoying person I have ever seen, in a good
:18:52. > :18:56.way. You did improvise quite a lot to get to that state of annoying.
:18:56. > :19:02.Yes, we did. I was already pretty annoying and they let me be even
:19:02. > :19:05.more annoying and obnoxious. It was good fun. When I do stuff with
:19:05. > :19:10.Ricky Gervais, he makes other actors laugh, and that would annoy
:19:10. > :19:15.me when I was behind the camera, but now I do the same thing.
:19:15. > :19:21.said when you used to do stuff with Ricky Gervais. That is in the past.
:19:21. > :19:28.Is it all over? Too many questions. Which one do you want me to answer?
:19:28. > :19:36.You used to do stuff? I am working with him at the moment. I would not
:19:36. > :19:45.have him as my best man. Do you think he is as funny when you are
:19:45. > :19:49.not around? Yes. Tell us about this new film, Moody 43 with Halle Berry.
:19:49. > :19:57.That is a series of sketches with lots of famous people and they
:19:57. > :20:02.asked me to do one with Halle Berry. Were you nervous? Not at all. I was
:20:02. > :20:12.staring at her beautiful face. That is not the most flattering picture.
:20:12. > :20:13.
:20:13. > :20:17.It was not terrible. The let's hope she is not watching. She is not!
:20:17. > :20:22.have some couples here, and it is their first anniversary today.
:20:22. > :20:27.Let's meet them. We cannot meet them because we're going to play a
:20:27. > :20:31.game. Somehow, they are going to get to see your new film. If you
:20:31. > :20:37.guess which girl is with which boy, and you can see there are too many
:20:37. > :20:41.boys, if you can couple them up, we will pay for the tickets. If you
:20:41. > :20:49.fail to couple a mock, you pay for the tickets. That is not going to
:20:49. > :20:53.happen! M merk, good evening. How did you meet your husband? On a
:20:53. > :21:01.night out, drinking in Manchester. He is a police officer and comes
:21:01. > :21:06.from a large, crazy, Lao of family. How is it going? Great, we are
:21:06. > :21:11.having a baby. Mary, tell us about your husband. He is a computer geek
:21:11. > :21:18.and that is how we met. We work together and my printer was not
:21:18. > :21:23.working quite often, suddenly. often than it should have done. How
:21:23. > :21:30.is it going? Really well. I talked to you before I used it was like
:21:30. > :21:36.day one, no problems. Tell us about your husband. He is a care
:21:36. > :21:45.assistant and he used to work doing what I do, in a bar, so we swapped
:21:45. > :21:51.jobs. He is also from Scotland and he has a really annoying hobby.
:21:51. > :21:55.Stephen, you are looking for... This is pretty shallow, I have to
:21:55. > :21:59.say. You are looking for someone who might be a policeman. Somebody
:21:59. > :22:05.who could work in computers that will go with Mary, and somebody who
:22:05. > :22:12.is caring. First, which one is Emma's husband? First anniversary
:22:12. > :22:20.today. I will kiss her and see who punches me. This is tricky. I'm
:22:20. > :22:30.going to go with Sam. OK, can you stand behind her? Who do you think
:22:30. > :22:36.
:22:36. > :22:46.Mary's husband might be? This is tricky. Oh, God! Come on, Stephen.
:22:46. > :22:54.Shut up, woman, this is not easy. I will go for Rob. We have just three
:22:54. > :23:02.men. Who is her real husband? He is a carer, used to work behind the
:23:02. > :23:12.bar. Were you not listening? Thought I am going to go with this
:23:12. > :23:12.
:23:12. > :23:19.chap. Come here. Stick around U2. Let's look at Emma's wedding day
:23:19. > :23:24.picture. No, it is Mark. Sam, you go over there. A round of applause
:23:24. > :23:34.for Mark. You are paying for those tickets and they come to stay with
:23:34. > :23:41.you Fourie week! Mary and Rob. Let's look at Mary's photograph. No.
:23:41. > :23:50.So you are paying for them are. And the last couple, let's look at the
:23:50. > :23:59.photograph. Stephen Merchant is paying for all of the tickets.
:23:59. > :24:04.they still do the discount thing on Wednesday? Great, that is good.
:24:04. > :24:13.Give It A Year is out next Friday. Time for Foody Friday, with a dish
:24:13. > :24:18.that even I can cook, although I never have. Noodles.
:24:18. > :24:23.Instant dried noodles, the ultimate convenience food. Last year, 100
:24:23. > :24:26.billion packs and pots were eaten worldwide. Noodles have been eaten
:24:26. > :24:30.everywhere for centuries, from the Middle East, to Italy and Asia,
:24:30. > :24:36.with the earliest records appearing in a Chinese cookbook 2000 years
:24:36. > :24:39.ago. But they go back even further. Archaeologists in north-west China
:24:39. > :24:43.recently dug up a bowl of noodles from under 10 feet of sediment.
:24:43. > :24:50.They believe they are 4000 years old. Sadly, they would not let me
:24:50. > :24:53.eat them. Still, I have these. The instant variety are often seen as a
:24:53. > :24:58.bit lowbrow, but there is an altogether more sophisticated meal
:24:58. > :25:03.being served in Japanese and Chinese noodle bars. In this
:25:03. > :25:09.restaurant, they are taking it very seriously. Lots of us eat noodles
:25:10. > :25:14.but very few get them made like this. This is very traditional. It
:25:14. > :25:21.is very hard as well, as you can see. What is the DOH that he is
:25:21. > :25:26.using? Flour, salt and water. It is so simple. How long has he taken to
:25:26. > :25:32.learn to do this? It takes 10 years to master it. Because you have to
:25:32. > :25:40.understand how it works. He makes it look very easy. Yes. Do you
:25:40. > :25:47.fancy having a go? How hard can it be? And now back? I am not doing
:25:47. > :25:54.very well! This is a disaster. is a bit harsh. There is almost a
:25:54. > :26:02.noodle there. In the 19th century, the Japanese started selling their
:26:02. > :26:05.own Chinese-style noodles. Slowly, they adapted the recipe. This soup
:26:05. > :26:09.is basically noodles in a broth, and there are many different
:26:09. > :26:13.varieties, depended on whether you use pork, chicken or Sorley stock.
:26:13. > :26:18.You can add herbs, Chile or chop vegetables, making it a meal in
:26:18. > :26:28.itself, and a cheap one at that, with the average poll costing less
:26:28. > :26:32.than �10. -- bowl. At this restaurant, they use a machine to
:26:32. > :26:36.make the noodles. Simply, flour, water and other ingredients going
:26:36. > :26:42.and on the other end, perfect noodles come out. Obviously,
:26:42. > :26:47.noodles are important but this is also about stock. Yes, this one.
:26:47. > :26:57.Very thick and creamy. Thick and milky, yes. What is in the stock
:26:57. > :27:07.was to mark pig bones, basically. It is cooked and boiled over 18
:27:07. > :27:08.
:27:08. > :27:13.hours. Almost like a gravy. It is very thick and cheery.
:27:13. > :27:21.Ming Xun is with us. He is one of only a small number of people who
:27:21. > :27:28.can make noodles from scratch. How long is it going to take. Can you
:27:28. > :27:35.ask him? 20 seconds. It is a good job because that is all we have
:27:35. > :27:41.left. Jay you have done this. the thing is to have an elastic
:27:41. > :27:46.move and because if it is to shop they will break. Stephen is going
:27:46. > :27:54.to have a go. See if you can do better than in the other game.
:27:54. > :27:58.right, you have a go next time! I am not even sure what he is doing.
:27:58. > :28:05.You have got the hands for it. Dainty fingers. I have always liked
:28:05. > :28:12.your fingers. You just stretch it, really. What is difficult about
:28:12. > :28:19.that? There is no way I can do that. I do not know what is going on.
:28:19. > :28:24.is like magic. They appear from nowhere. You said noodles are 4000
:28:24. > :28:29.years old. When did they come to this country? With the first
:28:29. > :28:38.Chinese restaurants. There was a Chinese community in the east end
:28:38. > :28:48.in the 18th century, so there would have been some form of Chinese food.
:28:48. > :28:58.Go on, Stephen. And then he did that. Then he did that. What do I
:28:58. > :29:01.
:29:01. > :29:07.do now? I cannot just keep pulling. You are doing well. He is the only
:29:07. > :29:14.man who can do this, but I will have ago. There is stuff happening.
:29:14. > :29:20.It is a good effort, Stephen. Pretty good effort. Thank you, Jay.
:29:20. > :29:25.Stephen, good luck with the movie. It is out a week today. Next week,