:00:30. > :00:40.Hello and welcome to the programme. Tonight's guest is Ian Hislop. It
:00:40. > :00:42.
:00:42. > :00:52.is as if butter would not melt. Please welcome Ian Hislop! I'm not
:00:52. > :01:00.sure that was quite emotional enough. Shall we? Come on! That's
:01:00. > :01:05.man's love. That's better. We will be letting our emotions run wild
:01:05. > :01:12.later. That's pretty crazy for me. Well, we will be speaking about
:01:12. > :01:16.your new show, Stiff Upper Lip, and finding out what emotions you bring
:01:16. > :01:20.out in the people of Britain.. out in the people of Britain..
:01:20. > :01:26.we will be asking you for a caption to this picture. Have a think about
:01:26. > :01:31.that, you have about 25 minutes. If you at home would like to join in,
:01:31. > :01:38.you can let us know what your caption would be. Sadly, tomorrow
:01:38. > :01:42.and Thursday sees the funerals of police officers Fiona Bone and
:01:42. > :01:49.Nicola Hughes. Their deaths have resulted in the usual calls to arm
:01:49. > :01:53.the police, but has policing really become more dangerous? This is one
:01:53. > :01:56.of the darkest days in the history of Greater Manchester Police.
:01:56. > :02:01.big news when police officers are big news when police officers are
:02:01. > :02:06.killed in action, and the recent events are no exception. The
:02:06. > :02:11.killings of PC Fiona Bone and PC Nicola Hughes came as a huge shock.
:02:11. > :02:16.In the past five years, thousands of police officers have been
:02:16. > :02:21.assaulted in the line of duty, and five have been killed. Each death
:02:21. > :02:25.brings an understandable public outcry. There are calls for police
:02:25. > :02:29.officers to be armed. But what I want to find out is, is policing
:02:29. > :02:36.more dangerous today than ever before? The modern police force was
:02:36. > :02:40.set up in London in 1829. The first Constable to be killed was PC
:02:40. > :02:44.Joseph Grantham, just one year later, kicked in the head whilst
:02:44. > :02:50.arresting a drunk. These new recruits for the British Transport
:02:50. > :02:54.Police are taking part in unarmed defence training. If something is
:02:54. > :03:00.going to happen, it is going to happen. It is a case of having the
:03:00. > :03:06.skills to deal with the situation. Do you think your role is any more
:03:06. > :03:12.dangerous than that of your male colleagues? I don't think so. Often,
:03:12. > :03:15.women can calm the situation down, so there are benefits. What about
:03:15. > :03:20.your family? My mum and dad have always supported me, they have
:03:20. > :03:26.never discouraged me from this line of work. These recruits think
:03:26. > :03:29.unarmed tactics are more important than carrying firearms. I do not
:03:29. > :03:37.believe the average police officer needs are done on his belt yet. If
:03:37. > :03:42.we aren't, the criminals will be wanting to take the next step.
:03:42. > :03:47.man is a former officer who was with PC Fletcher, the moment she
:03:47. > :03:55.was shot outside the Libyan embassy in 1984. It was just a normal day.
:03:55. > :04:00.Demonstration outside the Libyan embassy. There were 10 a penny then.
:04:00. > :04:05.A routine event turned nasty. I was devastated. I broke down, I
:04:05. > :04:09.wondered why it had happened. When I saw the photographs of those two
:04:09. > :04:14.officers in Manchester, it brought it all back. I knew what their
:04:14. > :04:19.family and friends and colleagues were going through. I joined the
:04:19. > :04:23.service in 1972. The only protection I had was a small wooden
:04:23. > :04:31.truncheon. We had respect for the public, the public had respect for
:04:31. > :04:34.us. What do you think about it? some respects, I can understand it,
:04:34. > :04:39.because the need is there for them to carry all of that equipment. I
:04:39. > :04:44.would probably hesitate to approach a policeman these days and ask for
:04:45. > :04:48.something, because they just look out of touch and very aggressive.
:04:48. > :04:54.People get so shocked when they hear the stories of police officers
:04:54. > :05:00.dying. I think because it is so rare in this country. He is right,
:05:00. > :05:04.it is rare. In the past 100 years, 149 police officers in England,
:05:04. > :05:09.Scotland and Wales have been killed and the line of duty as a direct
:05:09. > :05:14.result of violence. The place where, as an unarmed police officer, using
:05:14. > :05:17.to be most at risk of death, his New Zealand, in the post-war period,
:05:17. > :05:24.where the death rate appears to be two or three times what it is in
:05:24. > :05:28.Britain. Right at the very beginning, in the 1840s, you have
:05:28. > :05:32.got five was six cases where police officers have been attempting to
:05:33. > :05:35.make arrests, and have been beaten to death by crowds. In the last
:05:35. > :05:45.century, the Highers number of police officers killed in any
:05:45. > :05:55.single year was six, and that was in 1982. Some of those were at the
:05:55. > :05:59.hands of the IRA. Since then, the only year which has come close was
:05:59. > :06:05.1991, when five were killed. We can never predict violent murders. If
:06:05. > :06:13.you look at how many assaults there have been on police, it was running
:06:13. > :06:17.at around 28,010 years ago, but now it seems to be 7,000.
:06:17. > :06:21.circumstances in which the two women died were shocking and its
:06:21. > :06:26.extreme, but do you think the mood here is guilty of exaggerating the
:06:26. > :06:29.risks faced by police officers? and the press is fairly historical.
:06:29. > :06:33.Two weeks ago, all policemen should be put in jail because of
:06:34. > :06:39.Hillsborough. This week, they are all heroes, the issue beyond. You
:06:39. > :06:44.need a bit more distance. Most senior police officers have said,
:06:44. > :06:48.the Way you Are safest is if the crowd does not be due to death, but
:06:48. > :06:52.helps you a rest the person. So, the closer you are to the community,
:06:52. > :06:58.in other words, not armed, the better you are. That's my view.
:06:58. > :07:01.Your new series starts tonight on BBC Two. You start in the 18th
:07:01. > :07:07.century, and you describe this country as a surprisingly emotional
:07:07. > :07:12.place. Let's have a look. English were not known for reserve,
:07:12. > :07:19.they were known for exuberance, particularly the women. The Dutch
:07:19. > :07:23.scholar Erasmus came to London and wrote home, wherever you come, you
:07:23. > :07:27.were received with a kiss by all. When you take your leave, you are
:07:27. > :07:32.dismissed with kisses. When you return, kisses are repeated. They
:07:32. > :07:36.come to visit you, kisses again. They leave, you kiss them all round.
:07:36. > :07:41.Should you meet them anywhere, kisses in abundance. You cannot
:07:41. > :07:47.move without kisses. The whole thing sounds like a medieval
:07:47. > :07:52.lover's paradise. So, as a nation, we were quite the floozy.
:07:52. > :07:56.absolutely. The thing the British were known for at various points in
:07:57. > :08:01.history was being over-emotional. In the 18th century, if you were a
:08:01. > :08:07.proper, civilised, decent man, you worked a lot, you show people you
:08:07. > :08:12.were civilised by weeping. Surely that's Italy, isn't it? We were
:08:12. > :08:16.exactly like that. When did it change? It changed when we decided
:08:16. > :08:21.we could not be like France. Essentially, it was the French
:08:21. > :08:25.Revolution, the French, in a very major way, getting over-excited,
:08:25. > :08:28.and murdering everyone, and everybody running wild. The British
:08:28. > :08:34.establishment had one look at that and thought, we need to control
:08:34. > :08:38.this, we need to control ourselves, and we need to stop being like them.
:08:38. > :08:43.You referred to Nelson as a romantic hero - so, who in your
:08:43. > :08:46.opinion sums up the stiff upper lip? The real prototype was the
:08:46. > :08:51.Duke of Wellington. The Victorians made a real fetish out of the Duke
:08:51. > :08:54.of Wellington. He was the man who showed no emotion, he was reserved
:08:54. > :08:58.and restraint. There was an anecdote about him from the Battle
:08:58. > :09:02.of Waterloo, standing next to the Duke of Uxbridge, and a cannon ball
:09:03. > :09:08.takes off the leg of the Duke of Uxbridge. He turns to him and says,
:09:08. > :09:14.by God, I think I have been hit, I have lost my leg. Wellington goes,
:09:14. > :09:19.my God, so you have. That's it. This year, we have had the Olympics,
:09:19. > :09:24.we have had any number of different events, which have had us blubbing.
:09:24. > :09:29.We were crying everybody crossed the finishing line. Do we still
:09:29. > :09:33.have a stiff upper lip? Again, it is ambivalent in this country. If
:09:33. > :09:37.you watched the Olympics and the Paralympics, everybody was weeping.
:09:37. > :09:43.I think it is great. But you had a very mad event just before that
:09:43. > :09:49.with the Jubilee, with the flotilla of little boats. The weather did
:09:49. > :09:53.not help that one, did it? No, the weather did help! It is almost as
:09:53. > :09:58.if we were teasing ourselves to become emotional, and then, saying,
:09:58. > :10:03.no. The flotilla was really five hours getting drenched in the rain
:10:03. > :10:06.and everybody pretending it was not happening. We're fine! We are
:10:06. > :10:10.British, this is absolutely right, the Duke of Edinburgh is going to
:10:10. > :10:15.end up in hospital, fair enough. The people singing with the Mascari
:10:15. > :10:21.are coming down them, everyone got hypothermia. But no, we are not
:10:21. > :10:27.going to admit it. What about you, do you have a stiff upper lip?
:10:27. > :10:35.very, very touchy-feely. Are you? No. The last time I genuinely cried
:10:35. > :10:40.was when Piers Morgan went to America. The fact he had a return
:10:40. > :10:43.ticket? Then I would have cried again. Well, we wondered what
:10:43. > :10:50.emotion stirred inside people when they saw a picture of somebody
:10:50. > :10:59.famous, and that person in fact was you. Let's see what they had to say.
:10:59. > :11:08.It makes me feel happy. That makes me feel smug. Impish. Sometimes I
:11:08. > :11:15.just think of him as a little twerp. Happy. Happy indeed. He has got
:11:15. > :11:22.more hair than me, which is quite upsetting. He is quite chirpy,
:11:22. > :11:27.happy and bright. How does he make you feel? You look quite similar.
:11:27. > :11:33.Yes, people have said that before. He is beautiful. That's the best
:11:33. > :11:41.one we've had, he will love that. He has got a lovely little smiley
:11:41. > :11:47.face. You want to go like that to his ears. I think you got away with
:11:47. > :11:54.that, just about. Just about, I liked the baby, that was terrific.
:11:54. > :11:59.And the other little toddler said, give him a kiss. No reserve there.
:11:59. > :12:04.And you had some female fans - she thought you were sexy. Yes, that
:12:04. > :12:08.will do! We have kept her number. Every now and again, an
:12:08. > :12:15.environmental disaster looms on the horizon, threatening the end of the
:12:15. > :12:20.world as we know it. In the 1980s, it was the turn of acid rain.
:12:20. > :12:26.so long ago, a deadly enemy coming from the skies seem to pose a
:12:26. > :12:31.serious threat. The Government is trying to cut sulphur dioxide
:12:31. > :12:35.emissions from power stations... Lakes and forests were being
:12:35. > :12:41.poisoned. Scientific investigations suggested fish would die in their
:12:41. > :12:46.millions. With acid rain, we are all constantly told that there is
:12:46. > :12:51.no proof. But proof was quickly established when the very fabric of
:12:51. > :12:55.civilisation started to feel the effects of acid rain. Acid rain
:12:55. > :13:01.knows no boundaries, it is even eroding some of the world's most
:13:01. > :13:04.famous buildings, turning their facades into nothing more than rock.
:13:04. > :13:10.But now, acid rain is rarely mentioned - is that because it was
:13:10. > :13:13.a false alarm, or was the problem solved? What became of it? This
:13:13. > :13:19.professor from the University of no, has been investigating the
:13:19. > :13:23.phenomenon for 30 years. What causes it? When we burn coal,
:13:23. > :13:31.Salford comes off, as sulphur dioxide, which is converted into
:13:31. > :13:38.sulphuric acid up in the atmosphere. It is then washed out in the rain.
:13:38. > :13:42.But as industrialisation increased, there was more acid rain. Gases
:13:42. > :13:48.created by industry was swept across to Scandinavian, falling to
:13:48. > :13:52.earth as acid rain. Suddenly, around the 1960s and 1970s, we had
:13:52. > :13:56.dead fish in the water, and we thought, we have got to do
:13:56. > :14:00.something about this, this is not going to go away. In the laboratory,
:14:00. > :14:06.it is easy to see the effects of acid rain on stonework. Sulphuric
:14:06. > :14:10.acid, in a strength which mimics many years of acid rain, has little
:14:10. > :14:15.effect on hard as stone, like granite. But on soft limestone,
:14:15. > :14:22.used extensively for building, the reaction is obvious. It fizzes away.
:14:22. > :14:26.The legacy of acid rain can still be seen. This is York Minster, and
:14:26. > :14:29.inside the beautiful interior, the stonework is pristine. Outside, it
:14:29. > :14:39.is a different story. The stonemasons at York Minster have
:14:39. > :14:40.
:14:40. > :14:44.been dealing with the effects of We we place the stone with brand
:14:44. > :14:49.new stone to maintain the safety of the building, as well as the detail.
:14:49. > :14:52.If we didn't do this there would be a chance that some stones would
:14:52. > :14:57.become dangerous and the possibility that one could fall off.
:14:57. > :15:02.From up here, you can see five power stations, so whichever way
:15:02. > :15:06.the wind blew the Minister was bound to be affected. Acid rain was
:15:06. > :15:10.once one of the biggest environmental panics we faced. Now
:15:10. > :15:13.it's faded from the headlines, so what happened? The answer was
:15:13. > :15:17.international co-operation on limiting emissions. The amount of
:15:17. > :15:22.sulphur that is produced in Europe has decreased by more than 60% and
:15:22. > :15:26.in the UK there's been a 90% or so reduction in sulphur emissions, so
:15:26. > :15:31.it has been very successful. What's specific things happened, which
:15:31. > :15:35.made a difference to acid rain? the UK, at power stations, there
:15:35. > :15:39.was a shift from coal to gas and this led to a marked decrease in
:15:39. > :15:43.the amount of sulphur emitted. Long-term damage was done and the
:15:43. > :15:52.gas is still pumped out, but the area affected by it has diminished
:15:52. > :15:55.greatly. It's amazing to think that 30 years ago this huge ecological
:15:55. > :16:03.problem dominated headlines and what's even more remarkable is by
:16:03. > :16:08.countries coming together it was largely solved. Lucy, what exactly
:16:08. > :16:14.did we do to get rid of the problem? We did two things. We
:16:14. > :16:18.switched and scrubbed. Shall I explain? We switched fuels to ones
:16:18. > :16:22.that had less sulphur. The coal industry was in decline anyway and
:16:22. > :16:27.British Coal was high in sulphur and we changed toil and natural gas.
:16:27. > :16:33.That having hardly any sulphur. The other thing, which was really
:16:33. > :16:38.clever technology, we scrubbed the air in the big chimney stacks at
:16:38. > :16:40.power stations, so they have electromagnetic particles and they
:16:40. > :16:47.basically trapped the sulphur inside or mixed the gases with lime
:16:47. > :16:51.and the sulphur falls to the ground, so they cleaned the air, which is
:16:51. > :16:55.easy. It sounds easy, but I'm sure it was hard to get to the point.
:16:55. > :17:01.Then the other thing was that we began to outsource a lot of our
:17:01. > :17:04.industry, so actually acid rain might be an historical story for us,
:17:04. > :17:07.but scientists are very worried about it in India and China and
:17:07. > :17:12.even in parts of eastern Europe, where there is a lot of heavy
:17:12. > :17:16.industry. That's a successful British export? Yes! Another one.
:17:16. > :17:22.On the subject of global warm, -- warming, the Government has come up
:17:22. > :17:28.with the green deal, but it's quite confusing. It's not clear. Yes. The
:17:28. > :17:33.central idea is to make us all invest really in energy yom
:17:33. > :17:36.provements. We know we have leaky - - improvements. You know we have
:17:36. > :17:42.leaky old houses and energy bills are going through the roof, so what
:17:42. > :17:46.we need to do is start bringing in quite expensive stuff like cavity
:17:46. > :17:50.wall insulation and property loft insulation and they want us to take
:17:50. > :17:55.out loans, which will then be paid off through our savings in our
:17:55. > :17:58.energy bills. So, kind of, it could be revolutionary, but it's become
:17:58. > :18:02.so complicated I think it's fair to say it's going through a difficult
:18:02. > :18:05.phase at the moment. The green deal has been launched, but what
:18:05. > :18:09.nobody's quite sure about is how it will be financed and what
:18:09. > :18:16.particular product is going to look like. And whether, actually, it
:18:16. > :18:21.will be attractive to us all, so that we'll actually do it. It's got
:18:21. > :18:24.to make financial sense? It does. It's the golden rule, the pay-back
:18:24. > :18:28.time doesn't exceed the savings and it's about the balance. There are
:18:28. > :18:32.so many factors at the moment. That's with the economy and other
:18:32. > :18:35.things. And the debt, if you have the improvements, the debt stays
:18:35. > :18:40.with the house, not with the people who live there, so if you buy a
:18:40. > :18:43.house you're taking on that debt? Yes, that would be part of it
:18:43. > :18:48.possibly. They would buy in from the big companies and big DIY
:18:48. > :18:53.stores and some are keen and some may be not. Thank you so much. Ian,
:18:53. > :18:58.we have got a little game for you now. It's a headline round to get
:18:58. > :19:00.you warmed up for the brand new series of Have I Got News For You.
:19:00. > :19:08.As we have been staying, the media loves to exaggerate, so now it's
:19:08. > :19:14.time to play Headlines of Doom. We have taken headlines from every
:19:14. > :19:16.newspaper editor's favourite industry magazine, apocalypse Now.
:19:17. > :19:25.These are real headlines that didn't really materialise in the
:19:25. > :19:30.end. Lucy, you can help out. A confering round. Here's your first
:19:30. > :19:36.head -- headline of doom. It's 2008, are we all going to blank next
:19:36. > :19:43.Wednesday? Die? It's not Salford, is it?
:19:43. > :19:48.LAUGHTER That's one for the DG! Very good.
:19:48. > :19:54.No, in fact, Lucy you should have listened to your friend, the answer
:19:54. > :20:04.is going to die next Wednesday. For a bonus, what was the disaster?
:20:04. > :20:04.
:20:04. > :20:08.Swine flu. SARS. Mad cow disease. A comet, as strayed. No, only one
:20:08. > :20:18.answer. The Large Hadron Collider that could have created a mini
:20:18. > :20:28.black hole. Here's your second headline of doom. This one is from
:20:28. > :20:29.
:20:29. > :20:38.2006. Blank fears soar sky-high. The clue's on my top. Bird flu.
:20:38. > :20:44.It is. It's all about the beginning of the bird flu pandemic. Your
:20:44. > :20:54.final one and this one is from the year 2000. Blank ate my marriage.
:20:54. > :20:55.
:20:55. > :21:03.The big clue is the date. Any idea? May 2000. John Cleese? I don't know
:21:03. > :21:09.which marriage that would be. The year is significant. The K Y2 bug.
:21:09. > :21:14.He's got it. Very good. The millennium bug, a couple fled to a
:21:14. > :21:24.remote farm house and stockedpiled food. The world survived and their
:21:24. > :21:26.
:21:26. > :21:35.marriage tragically didn't. Good effort. Well done. Now, Miranda is
:21:35. > :21:45.at the Penallta Colliery looking at art project that has been made in
:21:45. > :21:46.
:21:46. > :21:49.memory of the pit ponies. She will take to the skies. By the way, it's
:21:50. > :21:54.pronounced Penallta Colliery. Working horses are part of our
:21:54. > :21:59.heritage. They pulled ploughs and toed canal boats, but there's not
:21:59. > :22:03.such a rosy glow surrounding the image of a pit pony, working
:22:03. > :22:07.underground in the cramped conditions of a mine. Horses
:22:07. > :22:11.working down mines have been recorded as far back as 1750. At
:22:11. > :22:14.first there weren't that many, but all that changed in the mid-19th
:22:14. > :22:21.century, when it was made illegal for boys under ten and all women to
:22:21. > :22:24.work in coal mines. Women and chirp's primary job down the mines
:22:24. > :22:29.was to carry coal. Without them, another way of doing this had to be
:22:29. > :22:33.found, so horses were sent down to replace them. Sometimes this meant
:22:33. > :22:39.they would have to be lowered down the shaft in a harness and once
:22:39. > :22:45.underground many spent the rest of their lives there. 10 metres
:22:45. > :22:50.beneath the surface of Yorkshire, at the National Coal Mining Museum,
:22:50. > :22:53.can I see how they used to live. It's not the best of environments
:22:53. > :22:56.to be living in. No access to the sunshine. It's a hard life and
:22:56. > :23:01.fairly short life too, unfortunately. How much shorter was
:23:01. > :23:06.the life down here for a pony than above ground? Probably looking at
:23:06. > :23:11.half, I would have thought, five years at the most, most -- maybe
:23:12. > :23:16.ten. They may have been worked hard, but some miners formed very strong
:23:16. > :23:23.bonds with their charges. 70-year- old John Carrington worked with pit
:23:23. > :23:30.ponies when he started aged 15. were all in a dangerous environment
:23:30. > :23:34.and you depended on him and he depended on you. If I pony wouldn't
:23:34. > :23:38.go down a road there were a reason, whether it was gas or the roof were
:23:38. > :23:41.coming in. Whether they could hear the cracking or smelt the gas, I
:23:41. > :23:47.don't know. He has got something there he knows and you don't know
:23:47. > :23:54.and you don't want to find out. the late 1800s the number of horses
:23:54. > :23:57.down mines reached a peak of an estimated 200,000. But, as
:23:57. > :24:02.mechanisation arrived, horses started to be relaced by machines
:24:02. > :24:06.and their numbers fell. Yet, as recently as 1961, there were still
:24:06. > :24:10.around 11,000 horses working in the collieries and some of the last
:24:10. > :24:16.ones like Jake here, were only finally retired at the end of the
:24:16. > :24:21.1990s. Jake is now 20 years old and is living out his days with other
:24:21. > :24:28.pit ponies in the Taff Valley. This part of industrial history has now
:24:28. > :24:32.come to an end, but at the sight of -- site of the former Penallta
:24:32. > :24:36.Colliery in South Wales, they've been a lasting monument, to make
:24:36. > :24:40.sure they don't fade from memory, but it's way too big to see
:24:40. > :24:44.properly from ground level. What I'm standing in is just a nostril
:24:44. > :24:49.and to take on the full effect, I'm going up in the One Show balloon.
:24:49. > :24:52.Joining me is Mick Petts, the artist who came up with the design
:24:52. > :25:00.and this flight will be very special for him. He's never seen it
:25:00. > :25:09.from the air before. Are you excited? Yeah. As we rise, the true
:25:09. > :25:12.form stands to reveal itself. brilliant morning, the first time
:25:12. > :25:15.I've been up in the air. Absolutely I've been up in the air. Absolutely
:25:15. > :25:20.brilliant. The reason for having the pony in this kind of shape,
:25:20. > :25:29.leaping hopefully in an expressive way, is symbolising the final
:25:29. > :25:36.release of the pit ponies. Taking over seven months to build, it's
:25:36. > :25:41.200 metres long and nearly made up of thousands of tonnes of coal
:25:41. > :25:46.shale, so this could be Britain's most asthetic slag heap. When it
:25:46. > :25:50.was completed one last thing remained, giving it a name. One of
:25:50. > :25:55.the first people who walked over the pit pony was one of the ex-
:25:55. > :26:05.miners and he stood on it, pointed to the ground and said, "This pit
:26:05. > :26:07.
:26:07. > :26:11.pony is going to be called Salt p Sultan." Working pit ponies may
:26:11. > :26:14.have disappeared from this country for ever, but this vast monument
:26:14. > :26:21.will serve as a reminder of the hundreds of years that those ponies
:26:21. > :26:24.helped keep our homes warm by working down the mines. It's so sad
:26:24. > :26:30.that they spent nearly a lifetime that they spent nearly a lifetime
:26:30. > :26:34.in darkness. What a beautiful place. It is. As we mentioned, the 44th
:26:34. > :26:38.series of Have I Got News For You starts next week. Yeah. You did say
:26:38. > :26:43.that you feel responsible for making one public figure really
:26:43. > :26:48.popular. Can you enlighten us? number of people have said that
:26:48. > :26:51.Boris Johnson was made by the programme. It's quite a serious
:26:51. > :26:57.charge. If he's Prime Minister you could have been partially
:26:57. > :27:01.responsible. I think we'll have to go to jail. Will Ferrell was saying
:27:01. > :27:06.he felt responsible for President Bush getting into power, so satire
:27:06. > :27:11.can be dangerous? Yeah t can backfire very, very badly. What if
:27:11. > :27:17.Number Ten called and said, "The Prime Minister would like to come
:27:17. > :27:21.on and host."? I think the produces would say yeah, get him on.
:27:21. > :27:27.wanted Tony Blair? I would love Blair to come on. It would be
:27:27. > :27:32.marvellous. Peter Mandelson on my side. We could have a big fest.
:27:32. > :27:37.could be watching now. We have a caption competition. We'll get your
:27:37. > :27:42.response to this. No, no, we can't have the public being funnier than
:27:42. > :27:48.me. Shall we do theirs first. yeah. All right. We have had loads
:27:48. > :27:54.of them in. Brian marshal says, "Come on Ed, your speech wasn't
:27:54. > :28:00.that bad." Brian, who is possibly a Private Eye employee, "It's the
:28:00. > :28:06.only way to read Private Eye in peace." Sal says, "Over here boys,
:28:06. > :28:14.I think I've found the economy." That's very good. Tim says, "We'll
:28:14. > :28:17.soon have you nought dear, the fire brigade are here now." James said,
:28:17. > :28:21."Ahead of the Conservative Party Conference, David Cameron finally
:28:21. > :28:29.manages to shake off Nick Clegg." Simon with my personal favourite,
:28:29. > :28:33.which is, "Fenton, Fenton, Fenton." Ian, time for yours? They are all
:28:33. > :28:37.extremely good. I thought that was looking -- that was me looking for
:28:37. > :28:44.ideas for my next series. I'll have to steal most of them for next week.