:00:34. > :00:38.with Matt Baker. And Alex Jones. Tonight's guests can be summed up in
:00:38. > :00:46.a series of impressive words spoken by somebody with a deep voice.
:00:46. > :00:52.Stroll, fast, toned... We are of course talking about Brownlee
:00:52. > :00:56.brothers, Alistair and his brother Jonathan. We will be chatting to the
:00:56. > :01:02.Olympic champions later and pitting them head-to-head in a way they have
:01:02. > :01:07.never competed before, involving an ironing board. As well as two
:01:07. > :01:17.Olympic heroes, we have also got the comedy queen of Britain. Please
:01:17. > :01:21.
:01:21. > :01:26.welcome Jo Brand. As we have seen, swimming, cycling, running, the
:01:26. > :01:36.chosen events of the Olympic triathlon, but what would be your
:01:36. > :01:36.
:01:36. > :01:42.triathlon? Trampolining. I said that! That is how I get the kids to
:01:42. > :01:49.school, then I jump off the shed. Trampolining straight onto a chair
:01:49. > :01:55.lift, then diving onto my bed with a book open ready for me to read.
:01:55. > :02:00.sure you would be a champion at that. We will be talking later about
:02:00. > :02:04.the Great Wall of Comedy, coming soon. 19 million people have a donor
:02:04. > :02:14.card, but would you be prepared to go one step further and give a
:02:14. > :02:14.
:02:15. > :02:22.kidney as a living donor? Last year, one woman did just that... Here is
:02:22. > :02:28.Jenny Kleeman. Jenny Kleeman is one of a growing
:02:28. > :02:31.number of people choosing to donate one of their kidneys to a stranger.
:02:31. > :02:35.It is called nondirected altruistic kidney donation. I have never heard
:02:35. > :02:39.of it until a friend told me his mother was about to do it and I was
:02:39. > :02:45.amazed anybody would be about to give their kidney to a total
:02:45. > :02:49.stranger. Why would people do it? And was it something I could ever
:02:49. > :02:59.do? The number of people donating kidneys in this way is increasing
:02:59. > :03:03.
:03:03. > :03:07.every year. My research led me to to -- to Visa and her husband. Why are
:03:07. > :03:17.you giving your kidney? My husband did it some years ago, and it became
:03:17. > :03:19.
:03:19. > :03:26.a question of why not? It is that simple for you? Yes, it is a
:03:26. > :03:32.relatively minor inconvenience for me, and one kidney is enough.
:03:32. > :03:37.risk of complications for the person donating is very low. Is this a
:03:37. > :03:43.straightforward procedure? Yes, it is major surgery, a big operation,
:03:43. > :03:49.no doubt about that. What will happen to her kidney after it is
:03:49. > :03:55.removed in surgery? It is allocated by the national scheme, done
:03:55. > :04:02.according to match and so on. It is then moved for the transplant to
:04:02. > :04:06.take place on the same day. That quickly! The operation is mainly
:04:06. > :04:12.keyhole surgery, with a small incision to remove the kidney. Once
:04:12. > :04:17.out, it is quickly prepared for the transplant. We are flushing the
:04:17. > :04:27.blood out of the kidney and cooling it down so that we can store it.
:04:27. > :04:32.That is invaluable. Just amazing. Of all the people in need of a kidney
:04:32. > :04:36.transplant, half of them will die on dialysis. Transplants are given to
:04:36. > :04:41.the person most in need with the highest chance of success. For those
:04:41. > :04:45.who have been on the transplant list for years, it can be an agonising
:04:45. > :04:52.wait. Some people are turning to the Internet to try to get the organ
:04:53. > :04:58.they need quicker. This website is called Matching Donors, claiming to
:04:58. > :05:04.pair people up, but so far no transplants in the UK have happened
:05:04. > :05:09.as a result of this website. Suzanne signed up because she has been on
:05:09. > :05:13.dialysis for 13 years. She had failed transplant in 2007 which
:05:13. > :05:20.means her only option now is a match with a live donor. It is my
:05:20. > :05:27.understanding that very few transplants are unsuccessful.
:05:27. > :05:32.stayed in for some time, I thought maybe it would work, but gave up.
:05:32. > :05:38.They said you won't have to wait too long for a new one and I am still
:05:38. > :05:43.waiting. So you have turned to the Internet now? Have you had any
:05:43. > :05:48.matches from the website? There have been a few people, I wrote back to
:05:48. > :05:53.them and they wanted to go ahead with it and I haven't heard any
:05:53. > :05:58.more. The most recent person to get in touch through the website did
:05:58. > :06:03.give Suzanne some hope. We arranged for them to me today but she
:06:03. > :06:10.contacted us to say she couldn't make it. I was looking forward to
:06:10. > :06:15.meeting her, a strange feeling anyway, but what can you do? When
:06:15. > :06:18.you meet someone like Suzanne, you realise how desperate some people on
:06:18. > :06:25.the transplant waiting lists are, desperate enough to try any means
:06:25. > :06:33.possible to get a new kidney. It is the day after her operation, and I
:06:33. > :06:42.have come back to the hospital to see how to Reza is doing. Forgive me
:06:42. > :06:49.for not standing up. How are you feeling? Not bad at all.Amazing.
:06:49. > :06:53.I'm glad to hear you are feeling OK and how did the operation go?
:06:53. > :06:59.been very straightforward, I have been well looked after. In six
:06:59. > :07:06.weeks, she should be fully recovered from the surgery. After meeting
:07:06. > :07:10.her, I would like to think that one day I could do the same.
:07:10. > :07:15.It is incredibly interesting about donor cards because I asked you if
:07:15. > :07:19.you had one and you said? I have just done it because when I spoke to
:07:19. > :07:23.the research of the other day, it is something I have been meaning to do
:07:23. > :07:28.for ages but there is a tiny part of me that is superstitious and I
:07:28. > :07:34.thought a great big weight would land on my head after I had signed
:07:34. > :07:39.it, but that was ridiculous and you can do it online. It is so easy, not
:07:39. > :07:44.that anyone wants my kidney. If you would like more information, it is
:07:44. > :07:51.available on our website. They say laughter is the best medicine, Jo,
:07:51. > :07:57.so let's talk about the Great Wall of Comedy. It starts a week on
:07:57. > :08:00.Sunday, all about sitcoms, and how does it feel for you? You are in the
:08:00. > :08:09.hotseat this time, we usually see you as a panellist even though you
:08:09. > :08:13.have posted on the odd occasion. is nice hosting, because when I
:08:13. > :08:19.worked in the NHS I made other people 's lives a misery. It is a
:08:19. > :08:28.chance to get in the bass's seat and it has been great. How does it work
:08:28. > :08:38.as a panel game? How it works is that we have two teams, one slightly
:08:38. > :08:38.
:08:38. > :08:42.more mature team. Experienced!Yes, exactly, headed by Barry Cryer, who
:08:42. > :08:50.is 143 and really shouldn't be let out but we have pulled him out for a
:08:50. > :08:58.couple of weeks. The other team captain is Rebecca , digging it up
:08:58. > :09:03.for the middle-aged investigated woman, and we have clips from
:09:03. > :09:07.sitcoms and guests each week that have been in iconic sitcoms. Part of
:09:07. > :09:13.the game is imagining what characters they have played because
:09:13. > :09:18.it is a while since they have been in them. Absolutely, so we have gone
:09:18. > :09:23.back many years, but also have contemporary stuff as well. It is
:09:23. > :09:33.not just a show for your grandma, but it is a real mixture of stuff.
:09:33. > :09:34.
:09:34. > :09:41.Here is the plan -- panel. Does anybody know why Manuel had a
:09:41. > :09:48.moustache? Was it because he didn't want to be recognised? Yes, so that
:09:48. > :09:54.when he was out and about people wouldn't recognise him in his
:09:54. > :10:01.ordinary life. That's why I used to take my boils off. I tried the
:10:01. > :10:07.moustache thing, but it didn't work!
:10:07. > :10:13.We were talking about the golden age of sitcoms, are you in that camp?
:10:13. > :10:17.No, I believe the modern stuff is just as good and you have got to
:10:17. > :10:23.move on. Fawlty Towers as a teenager was one of my absolute favourite
:10:23. > :10:27.sitcoms, but these days it wouldn't work because it is of its age and
:10:27. > :10:32.there are certain things in it that would be an acceptable these days.
:10:32. > :10:42.Things have moved on but that doesn't mean they have got worse. I
:10:42. > :10:43.
:10:44. > :10:50.think the standard is really high these days. And his name is Manuel
:10:50. > :10:55.apparently! And you are back on tour, Jo, moving on swiftly. Yes,
:10:55. > :10:59.it's just that I have not done stand-up for a long time and I got
:10:59. > :11:05.rusty, and it is the thing I like doing best. There is nothing better
:11:05. > :11:10.than driving to a small theatre, arriving in the middle of nowhere
:11:10. > :11:19.and enjoying yourself. And you are doing one tomorrow night? Where is
:11:19. > :11:23.it? Yes, in Croydon. Are you all right? Thank you! I love Croydon, it
:11:23. > :11:33.is a benefit actually and it is organised by Crystal Palace football
:11:33. > :11:35.
:11:35. > :11:39.club. The Eagles! Yes! And the money is being split between comic relief
:11:39. > :11:44.and the Crystal Palace Academy for younger players. It has done very
:11:44. > :11:52.well so far. Lets hope you get the full house. Shortly we will be
:11:52. > :11:58.chatting to the speedy siblings who took gold and bronze medals at the
:11:58. > :12:05.Olympic Games, but first you when Thomas takes us back to the time
:12:05. > :12:09.when to be an Olympian and you had to be an amateur athlete. This is
:12:09. > :12:14.John Tarrant, one of the finest long-distance runners Britain has
:12:14. > :12:19.ever produced but his name has been airbrushed out of history. He was
:12:19. > :12:26.banned for life for breaching strict rules on amateurism in the 1950s and
:12:26. > :12:31.the 1960s, but he defied the authorities and competed anyway, as
:12:31. > :12:37.the man they called the ghost runner. By the time he retired, John
:12:37. > :12:40.Tarrant had run over 100 races as the ghost runner, but the glittering
:12:40. > :12:47.prize he craved, representing his country at the Olympics, was denied
:12:47. > :12:53.to him. His crime had been to earn a few pounds as a boxer, enough then
:12:53. > :12:58.to be classed as a professional and cast out of amateur sports forever.
:12:58. > :13:03.John became a rather mediocre boxer. He fought half a dozen times and for
:13:03. > :13:08.his first fight he probably got paid no more than a quid and at best that
:13:08. > :13:17.would have gone up to five quid and that was to prove the poison pill in
:13:17. > :13:22.his tragic life. In total, for just eight fights, John was paid �17.
:13:22. > :13:28.John abandoned boxing and turned to road running, realising he had a
:13:28. > :13:33.talent for it. He ran in amateur athletics events, but filling out
:13:33. > :13:38.the forms honestly he had admitted the �17 earnings and regretted the
:13:38. > :13:42.decision as long as he lived. immediately banned from ever
:13:42. > :13:51.competing on British or international soil. He received some
:13:51. > :13:59.of the most atrocious letters, patronising, unforgiving letters,
:13:59. > :14:03.determined that he would never run. But John Tarrant gatecrashed
:14:03. > :14:08.official events to evade the watchful authorities. He was aided
:14:08. > :14:14.and abetted by his brother who is still an athletics coach today.
:14:14. > :14:20.used to get him on a motorbike, drop him off at the back, and he would go
:14:20. > :14:26.when the gun went. He would have a Macintosh and a cap on so that when
:14:26. > :14:31.the gun went off he could keep to the side. Almost as a regular
:14:31. > :14:41.spectator? That's right, and he was away. The ghost runner became a
:14:41. > :14:42.
:14:42. > :14:48.sensation in the press. It was the victim of petty official rules.
:14:48. > :14:52.official grabbed him, was pulling him, grabbed his arm, so I aimed the
:14:52. > :14:58.motorbike straight at the official. He went one way and I went the other
:14:58. > :15:03.way. The more races he was in and the more races he won, the more
:15:03. > :15:07.publicity it got him. In the back of his mind he wanted to do the
:15:07. > :15:12.Olympics. After four years of running as a ghost the authorities
:15:12. > :15:18.relented, but only permitted him to run in the UK and stubbornly refuse
:15:18. > :15:25.to lift the international ban. His Olympic dreams died. Ken Flowers ran
:15:25. > :15:30.with John and saw him at dozens of events with distances up to 50
:15:30. > :15:35.miles, and remembers him talking on little else apart from not being
:15:35. > :15:42.allowed to run for his country. had a team of ten, and out of them
:15:42. > :15:47.there were eight internationals. John was good enough to run in the
:15:47. > :15:52.Olympics, it was eating into him that they wouldn't pick him because
:15:52. > :16:01.of his reinstatement business. Despite his non-selection, his
:16:01. > :16:06.dedication to run was total, leaving little time for his wife and son.
:16:06. > :16:11.didn't see much of him. He was always running. Every single day.
:16:11. > :16:17.Christmas Day? Yes. It didn't matter what day it was, he went out
:16:17. > :16:23.running. He wanted to represent his country, but he was never allowed to
:16:23. > :16:30.do that. John Tarrant died at the age of 42 from stomach cancer.
:16:30. > :16:35.ran almost to the end, but never fulfilled his ambition. Please
:16:36. > :16:39.welcome Alistair and Jonathan Brownlee. Welcome back. That was a
:16:39. > :16:45.brilliant story about John Tarrant, but I bet you boys can empathise
:16:45. > :16:50.with his need to compete. Absolutely. We are both massive
:16:50. > :16:54.competitors. We have been brought up on it from a very young age. To be
:16:54. > :16:59.told you couldn't compete by officials, for something that seemed
:16:59. > :17:09.so pointless, would be really annoying. Would you go so far as to
:17:09. > :17:09.
:17:09. > :17:12.where and Macintosh? Definitely. Maybe not for the swim. Johnny,
:17:12. > :17:20.congratulations at a second consecutive win at the World Cup
:17:20. > :17:25.yesterday in Madrid. It is five races, and I have one two so far. I
:17:26. > :17:29.missed the first two because of injury. And celebrated quite
:17:29. > :17:34.heavily, Alistair, at the end in your absence, because you are
:17:34. > :17:41.injured. Look at you on the final straight! Yellow mac is he milking
:17:41. > :17:50.it a bit? Absolutely.In all seriousness, how are you feeling
:17:50. > :17:52.today? I am a little bit tired, but I am still on a bit of a high. On
:17:53. > :18:02.the train home tonight, I will be very tired then. Tell us about your
:18:02. > :18:06.new book. It is very exciting. this book Swim, Bike, Run: Our
:18:06. > :18:12.Triathlon Story, it is triathlon tips but also how to get through a
:18:12. > :18:16.triathlon mentally. I thought you would go for a triathlon of books!
:18:16. > :18:20.Wrote why did you decide to cram it all into one book. First off, we
:18:20. > :18:28.decided to write a book. There is only that much we can write about
:18:28. > :18:33.ourselves. I am 25 and he is 23. But once you get started... You have
:18:33. > :18:37.taken bits out! There is all sorts, hopefully there is a something for
:18:37. > :18:43.everyone who wants to go in a triathlon. There are tips on how to
:18:43. > :18:47.train, and a lot about our stories as well. You talk about growing up.
:18:47. > :18:53.How competitive were you as children? Do you remember life
:18:53. > :18:58.without competition with your brother, Johnny? Definitely not. I
:18:58. > :19:06.remember throwing golf clubs at Alistair at crazy golf. I remember
:19:07. > :19:14.that. We use to fall over -- fallout over board games at Christmas.
:19:14. > :19:18.you have to brothers as well. Was it the same? Absolutely. They said, you
:19:18. > :19:26.are supporting West Ham's, and when they lose, we will hit you. And they
:19:26. > :19:30.lost quite a lot in the 60s! Life must be tiring for you. As you
:19:30. > :19:36.are two of the fastest blokes around, we are going to hit you with
:19:36. > :19:41.a few speedy questions. You have these 'Me' or 'Him' boards. You have
:19:41. > :19:51.to flip them. Who is the biggest show off? Who's got the worst taste
:19:51. > :19:55.
:19:55. > :20:03.in music? Who is the biggest flirt? Who's got the worst temper? I get a
:20:03. > :20:11.bit angry occasionally. Who's got the best dress sense? I can't
:20:11. > :20:20.believe you said that! Who wrote the most of Swim, Bike, Run: Our
:20:21. > :20:23.Triathlon Story? There you have it. If you want to read all about it,
:20:23. > :20:28.Swim, Bike, Run: Our Triathlon Story is out today. Imagine being to tap
:20:28. > :20:33.in a metal to under the sea for months on end. You are cut off from
:20:33. > :20:39.family, friends and sunlight. For some it is the stuff of nightmares.
:20:39. > :20:45.For others, it is part of the job. Gibraltar, a tiny slice of Britain
:20:45. > :20:49.on the edge of the Mediterranean. On the harbour, one of the Royal
:20:49. > :20:53.Navy's longest service some brains is preparing for a final journey.
:20:53. > :20:59.This is HMS Trenchant, and by the time she gets back to her home base
:20:59. > :21:03.of Devonport, she will have been away for 11 months, longest ever
:21:03. > :21:08.deployment. The submarine has been on duty in the Middle East, carrying
:21:08. > :21:14.out surveillance patrols. Now she is about to head home, and with men
:21:14. > :21:18.aboard, that means a lot of long overdue reunions with their
:21:18. > :21:22.families. The journey from Gibraltar to Plymouth will take five days.
:21:22. > :21:30.Unusually, they will have a passenger on board, because The One
:21:30. > :21:38.Show has been given special access. Welcome to HMS Trenchant. Good to be
:21:38. > :21:43.here. Let's take you around.Where do the guys usually sleep? It
:21:43. > :21:48.depends on rank. We do not have enough beds on board for everybody.
:21:48. > :21:56.When one guy gets out of bed, another guy gets in, when he has
:21:56. > :22:01.finished the watch. You are in here. It is comfy, but a bit of a squeeze.
:22:01. > :22:07.And my first time sleeping next to a torpedo! The captain carefully
:22:07. > :22:11.guides the boat out of Gibraltar's shallow waters and in to the
:22:11. > :22:15.Atlantic. HMS Trenchant is a nuclear submarine, and its reactor generates
:22:16. > :22:20.enough power for a town the size of Swindon, giving it virtually
:22:20. > :22:26.unlimited range and the ability to stay submerged for as long as the
:22:26. > :22:32.food supply holds out. During our journey back to Devonport, we will
:22:32. > :22:37.be travelling at around 18 miles an hour, and we will dive 100 to down
:22:37. > :22:43.from the surface of the ocean. Safety on board is paramount, so the
:22:43. > :22:47.crew perform regular exercises, like this. Fire has been the cause of
:22:47. > :22:52.many of the worst submarine disasters in history. In such a
:22:53. > :22:58.confined space, fire can destroy essential equipment and breathable
:22:58. > :23:03.air. These drills take place every few days. What is really striking is
:23:03. > :23:07.that when the submarine is submerged, the crew are not able to
:23:07. > :23:12.contact their families, with no telephone, e-mail or Internet. Who
:23:12. > :23:18.are you going to see back home? ladies in my life, the mother and
:23:18. > :23:24.the girlfriend. I haven't talked to them for months. How long have you
:23:24. > :23:28.been away? Seven months. I will be glad to see my wife and kids.
:23:28. > :23:35.eight hours, HMS Trenchant comes up near the surface so the periscope
:23:35. > :23:39.can be raised. What are you looking out for? Predominantly, keeping a
:23:39. > :23:44.watch, looking for ships or anything that is going to force as deep.
:23:44. > :23:51.Periscope is fitted with electronic kit to help us detect other
:23:51. > :23:55.transmissions. As the days go by on our journey back to Plymouth, you
:23:55. > :24:00.find yourself falling into a routine. On board here, there's a
:24:00. > :24:04.lot of things you're not used to. I haven't seen the sun for a few days.
:24:04. > :24:09.It's incredible to be on-board here, but I am just a passenger. I
:24:09. > :24:14.can get off in a few days' time. Some of these guys have been on here
:24:14. > :24:19.for months on end, up to 11 months. It is an incredible test of
:24:19. > :24:23.endurance. Monotony of life on board is broken up by regular meals, and
:24:24. > :24:28.the chef is one of the men charged with keeping everyone fed. What is
:24:28. > :24:34.the general favourite that everyone forward to? Chocolate sponge with
:24:34. > :24:44.chocolate sauce. They like cheese, ham and eggs. That is normally on
:24:44. > :24:47.
:24:47. > :24:56.Wednesday. Cheese, ham and eggs, for 120! That is not a lot for me. The
:24:56. > :24:59.quiz keeps the crew entertained during the long months on C. The one
:24:59. > :25:07.show- inspired team names were keeping us entertained too! The
:25:07. > :25:17.winners this week are Row We Wanted Alex Jones But All We Got Was A
:25:17. > :25:27.Scouser Wearing Tight Jeans! We have resurfaced to see the sunset over
:25:27. > :25:33.the English Channel. Not long until the crew finally get ashore. That is
:25:33. > :25:40.quite similar to my pub squeeze name! It begs the question, what is
:25:40. > :25:45.cheese, ham and eggs? I think it is a toasty. I think it sounds
:25:45. > :25:51.unpleasant. Maybe it will be revealed tomorrow. We will find out
:25:51. > :25:56.from Dan Donnelly as he is on-board HMS Trenchant tomorrow. We know the
:25:56. > :26:02.Brownie brothers are good at cycling, swimming and running. Now
:26:02. > :26:06.they have flown the nest, how are they as -- at housework? It is
:26:06. > :26:10.interesting that they both decided to go for the aprons. We are going
:26:10. > :26:16.to do a bit of a game here. Welcome to the One Show Housework
:26:16. > :26:23.Triathalon. For the right to wear this medal! We had to bring a medal
:26:23. > :26:29.into it. Jo, you nailed this before we came on air. Tell the lads what
:26:29. > :26:34.you have to do. It is so easy. You've got to vacuum your section of
:26:34. > :26:40.carpet, IM a T-shirt, and then put on a duvet cover. When you hear this
:26:40. > :26:47.noise, that is when you will start. When did you last change your duvet
:26:47. > :26:52.covers? I can't remember! I have never ironed them in my life.
:26:52. > :26:59.have never ironed in your life! Alistair, what section of this would
:26:59. > :27:05.you be daunted by. I can't remember last time I used a Hoover. So get
:27:05. > :27:14.focused, and it is over to Jo. forget to put the hot bit of the
:27:14. > :27:24.iron away from you! Get set! I thought they were going to play the
:27:24. > :27:42.
:27:42. > :27:52.Don't bother! It is always tricky ironing something with an emblem
:27:52. > :28:01.
:28:01. > :28:06.on. Jonathan, what are you doing? Move on! Any tips here, Jo? Shove it
:28:06. > :28:13.under the bed and get in as it is! What about the technique of turning
:28:13. > :28:23.it inside out? Vary good. Is he going to get into bed as well at the
:28:23. > :28:26.
:28:26. > :28:31.right time? Jump into bed! Too much shaking! Before we have a look at
:28:31. > :28:37.the medals, let's have a little bit of a look at the carpet there.
:28:37. > :28:42.good at hoovering. That looks appalling, but it looks the most
:28:42. > :28:51.like my house, that one. I am going to give it to you, Johnny. There you
:28:51. > :28:59.go! Goodlad! Good luck with the Great Wall of Comedy on Gold from