:00:00. > :00:00.Hello and welcome to the One Show with Matt Baker. And Alex Jones. Our
:00:00. > :00:14.guest tonight is Madonna. She's also Mel C, Cher and Joan Crawford. Not
:00:15. > :00:17.to mention Sigourney Weaver, Mel Gibson, Kate Winslet, Dame Maggie
:00:18. > :00:26.Smith, Meryl Streep, and Bono. Oh, and Gandalf. Until you arrive, life
:00:27. > :00:40.here has been so naturalistic. Tonight she's her Absolutely
:00:41. > :00:44.Fabulous self - it's Jennifer Saunders.
:00:45. > :00:55.APPLAUSE it is great to see you. We read
:00:56. > :01:06.somewhere that you said it is easier to play old. I plucked my chin
:01:07. > :01:13.tonight just for you. I didn't have to grow the beard, they stuck it
:01:14. > :01:20.on. I wasn't so bad in that make up, they have done worse than that. You
:01:21. > :01:26.have played so many characters, did you and Dawn ever argue about who
:01:27. > :01:33.would be who. Sometimes we used to write sketches and forget who was
:01:34. > :01:42.who. I would say, "no, I am woman number one" and we would argue about
:01:43. > :01:49.that. And did you ever wish you were woman number one? In one piece we
:01:50. > :01:57.did we had to record it twice because they changed our characters
:01:58. > :02:09.halfway through and I became the unfunny one. I have just ripped my
:02:10. > :02:13.shirt! Jennifer has written her autobiography - Bonkers - and later
:02:14. > :02:16.we'll find out how she actually shot one of her famous co-stars. With a
:02:17. > :02:19.gun. No joke. On Friday we followed the crew of
:02:20. > :02:22.HMS Illustrious as they raced to help those affected by the recent
:02:23. > :02:25.devastating storm in the Philippines. They're not the only
:02:26. > :02:29.people over there trying to make a difference. Here's Tony with two
:02:30. > :02:32.more stories from the heart of the relief effort.
:02:33. > :02:40.Less than a month ago the Philippines was hit by Typhoon
:02:41. > :02:45.Haiyan, the most powerful in the country's history. Millions were
:02:46. > :02:50.left homeless. The city of Tacloban was particularly badly hit. The One
:02:51. > :03:03.Show asked British aid workers to keep a video diary. This is Cat, she
:03:04. > :03:09.is based a few miles from Tacloban airport, her job is to help people
:03:10. > :03:13.who have been orphaned. On a visit to one women's shelter, she met a
:03:14. > :03:18.little girl who had lost everything. We came across a little
:03:19. > :03:26.girl who is apparently eight years old but I think she has been
:03:27. > :03:33.malnourished for some time. She has two wounds on her head, they need
:03:34. > :03:38.closing but she doesn't know where to go. I am going to describe it to
:03:39. > :03:45.our doctors to find out what they recommend. Carmela, who runs the
:03:46. > :03:56.refuge, explained how the eight-year-old have managed to
:03:57. > :04:00.survive the typhoon. Luck she survived the water holding a chair,
:04:01. > :04:08.and after that she found out that her parents and brothers and sisters
:04:09. > :04:14.were gone. Tom organises the statistics of getting the vital aid
:04:15. > :04:23.to the needy. His team and our emergency aid kits including soap
:04:24. > :04:26.and toilet roll. These kits will complement the food and water that
:04:27. > :04:32.have been provided so it is really good the military are here helping.
:04:33. > :04:41.With the Filipino Army giving out emergency food rations, things are
:04:42. > :04:47.getting pretty crowded. It is good in the respect that people are
:04:48. > :04:53.getting food, so when we come to give the household kits and the
:04:54. > :04:56.hygiene kits, it will complement that. The Disasters Emergency
:04:57. > :05:06.Committee says the British public have raised ?70 million since
:05:07. > :05:11.Typhoon Haiyan. It has helped 700,000 Filipinos, they have
:05:12. > :05:16.estimated. We need to distribute as much as possible as quickly as
:05:17. > :05:25.possible. A hazard for the aid workers are the diseases that spread
:05:26. > :05:29.quickly in the damp conditions. I have got flu which effectively means
:05:30. > :05:33.I am out of action for at least a couple of days and we realised it is
:05:34. > :05:38.because I have spent a lot of time in evacuation centres with kids who
:05:39. > :05:43.have the flow so they have dosed me up with some things and I have got
:05:44. > :05:49.to let it play itself out but I feel like we are losing valuable time. I
:05:50. > :05:54.am just unable to move. Where disaster strikes, aid workers
:05:55. > :05:57.follow. Their work here will eventually be done, but at some
:05:58. > :06:05.point it will be time to move onto the next one. Whatever or wherever
:06:06. > :06:08.that may be. Thanks to Cat, Tom and all the
:06:09. > :06:13.people doing selfless work over there. On Friday we asked for
:06:14. > :06:22.stories of your own efforts helping the Philippines appeal. Jennifer has
:06:23. > :06:30.got some here. The Association of Filipino British in Bristol have
:06:31. > :06:43.raised ?5,000 through cake sales and collecting donations of clothes. A
:06:44. > :06:47.student sent this photo of John Cowell attempting to break a record
:06:48. > :06:55.for the greatest distance run on a treadmill in 12 hours. He ran 102.8
:06:56. > :07:03.kilometres, raising more than ?7,000 for the Philippines typhoon. Finally
:07:04. > :07:12.the London Welsh Male voice choir. Yes, John Downing from the London
:07:13. > :07:17.Welsh Male voice choir sent this picture of him and his fellow
:07:18. > :07:23.choristers ready to perform at a fundraising dinner in Romsey Abbey,
:07:24. > :07:30.they raised ?32,000. We couldn't read them all out, but thank you
:07:31. > :07:36.very much. You can still donate to the Disasters Emergency Comittee
:07:37. > :07:40.appeal - details on our website. So you have written your autobiography,
:07:41. > :07:47.Bonkers: My Life in Laughs, so we were wondering what took you so long
:07:48. > :07:58.because Dawn got hers out... I am only 55! We wondered if it is this
:07:59. > :08:03.procrastination that you do because you sweep up instead of writing. I
:08:04. > :08:09.love sweeping, it is like a meditation, a kind of mindless
:08:10. > :08:15.task. Obviously very important, but otherwise fairly mindless, and I
:08:16. > :08:29.find that I think a lot when I am sweeping, vacuuming or power
:08:30. > :08:36.washing. Let's talk hand hoovers! When I am not doing that, I wrote
:08:37. > :08:42.this book. You talk about these pranks you did with Dawn, how
:08:43. > :08:47.extreme did they get? Because we were students living in the same
:08:48. > :08:53.flat and we get on extremely well, we had a lot of fun. In those days
:08:54. > :08:59.you had to make your own fun, getting high on something else, and
:09:00. > :09:06.that is basically making jokes. That is my dog whining over there. Look
:09:07. > :09:10.at that picture! We look so young and actually quite drunk because
:09:11. > :09:21.that is my 21st birthday party. We used to dress up as punks and try to
:09:22. > :09:29.intimidate people on the tube. You would probably get arrested for that
:09:30. > :09:34.now. Talk about the lulu incident. She was a regular guest on our show
:09:35. > :09:49.and we always wanted her on, and we always decided we would kidnap her
:09:50. > :10:00.as the... What is the movie? Pulp Fiction. You have read the book!
:10:01. > :10:04.Thank you. We would -- decided we would shoot her with a gun, and she
:10:05. > :10:10.had all these explosive lord charges all over her body, and they said to
:10:11. > :10:16.her, when they explode, don't put your arms down by your side, and she
:10:17. > :10:27.did. She did, and it blew a hole in her arm. She has had to have skin
:10:28. > :10:35.grafts. Don't go on about it, Alex! She hasn't sued, what are you trying
:10:36. > :10:40.to do? We are still friends. I cannot believe it has been 21 years
:10:41. > :10:43.since the beginning of Absolutely Fabulous. It is incredible, we are
:10:44. > :10:57.going to look at the very first episode. I will drink water. It is a
:10:58. > :11:03.mixer, Patsy, we are having whiskey. You have given up drinking
:11:04. > :11:12.before. The worst eight hours of my life. For fans of Absolutely
:11:13. > :11:17.Fabulous, you cannot imagine anybody else than Joanna Lumley playing the
:11:18. > :11:24.part, but originally she was not in the frame, was she? You have read
:11:25. > :11:33.the book, thank you. Your research is quite right, she wasn't. I had
:11:34. > :11:38.written the character as a lowlife journalist and had someone else in
:11:39. > :11:44.mind completely. Then luckily that person wasn't available, and we got
:11:45. > :11:51.Joanna. Was that person very different? I know you are dying to
:11:52. > :12:01.know, I will tell you after. Earlier we heard some whining, this was
:12:02. > :12:13.Olive, shall we get her in? Sporting a little snood. They are knitted by
:12:14. > :12:18.the Greyhound rescue people. You were saying how you like to dress
:12:19. > :12:25.her up, and we have a picture of her sporting a lovely scarf and a pair
:12:26. > :12:34.of glasses. I'm guessing she didn't dress herself. She had a sitcom to
:12:35. > :12:43.write. You make yourself at home, Olive. Isn't she lovely? She has
:12:44. > :12:48.seen herself on television. Anyway, she is going to check the areas of
:12:49. > :12:52.the studio that you need to sweep. John Sergeant has been to see the
:12:53. > :12:58.life-saving work of an organisation that allows dogs to become blood
:12:59. > :13:03.brothers. Watch this, you won't believe it.
:13:04. > :13:09.This is Percy, a five-year-old golden sceptre and he is doing
:13:10. > :13:17.something we often don't get round to in many cases, giving blood. It
:13:18. > :13:21.will go to a charity that pass it onto vets around the country until
:13:22. > :13:30.2005, animal welfare regulations prevented the storage of animal
:13:31. > :13:33.blood. The charity was launched soon after these restrictions were
:13:34. > :13:39.lifted. Wendy is the co-founder. What did vets do before? It could be
:13:40. > :13:45.two o'clock in the morning when they needed blood and they were often
:13:46. > :13:53.asking other owners if they could donate. And the moment the law
:13:54. > :14:05.changed, you set up this blood bank for pets? Yes, allowing easy access
:14:06. > :14:17.to blood. Like humans, there are different blood types. The blood
:14:18. > :14:21.comes from donor sessions across the country, and it is processed and
:14:22. > :14:27.used in thousands of operations each year, the length and breadth of the
:14:28. > :14:31.UK. All thanks to dogs like these, they are among the 5000 canine
:14:32. > :14:38.donors from across the country who give their blood to the blood bank.
:14:39. > :14:45.I joined Jenny Walton as she prepared Percy, a very brave dog for
:14:46. > :14:51.his donor session. Why is he taking it so well? He has been trained to a
:14:52. > :14:56.certain degree. Some dogs are not so keen and the worst thing is the
:14:57. > :14:59.noise of the clippers. He has a health check and he is tested to
:15:00. > :15:12.make sure he is well enough, they want to make sure the blood years
:15:13. > :15:21.passing on is safe. When I give blood, it is worth. Why do you want
:15:22. > :15:25.Percy to be a blood donor? It is a feel-good factor, that you are
:15:26. > :15:33.helping other dogs in the time of need. He is a bit of a hero will
:15:34. > :15:36.stop their were 11 donors today, including McAfee, a golden
:15:37. > :15:57.retriever. Health checks complete, it is time
:15:58. > :16:04.to donate. He is remarkably calm. It makes you so proud. I burst into
:16:05. > :16:13.tears the first time. I am so proud of him. Abe special award for being
:16:14. > :16:20.the best dog blood donor I have come across. This dog would have died
:16:21. > :16:26.without the blood bank. He has had nine transfusions for the he did not
:16:27. > :16:35.eat his breakfast one morning, which is very unusual for him. -- he has
:16:36. > :16:40.had nine transfusions. His system breaks down his red blood cells. We
:16:41. > :16:47.did not know if he would survive. It is very upsetting. He is one of the
:16:48. > :16:53.family. What do you think about the charity? Brilliant. Without people
:16:54. > :17:00.taking dogs to donate blood, Eric would not be here today. Murphy, the
:17:01. > :17:05.golden retriever, is next in line to donate a point of blood. When it is
:17:06. > :17:11.over, there is no sign of any after-effects. He gets a bowl of
:17:12. > :17:15.water, some food and a toy. It is the dog equivalent of a cup of tea
:17:16. > :17:20.and some biscuits. More and more dogs are doing what Murphy has done.
:17:21. > :17:25.Owners and vets are increasingly aware that these blood donations can
:17:26. > :17:33.really save the lives of many, many dogs who, in the past, would simply
:17:34. > :17:46.have been allowed to die. Live loved that. She was not too sure until she
:17:47. > :17:56.saw the toy. Is it just dogs that can give blood? Hamsters are all the
:17:57. > :18:02.rage. There has recently been a pilot scheme for cats. Watch this
:18:03. > :18:06.face the details. I was with a dog who had a shoulder replacement.
:18:07. > :18:12.There are all these human procedures that are now coming in for our pets.
:18:13. > :18:17.The Royal College of veterinary surgeons gave the go-ahead for the
:18:18. > :18:22.first kidney transplant for cats. It had to be ethically acceptable. Up
:18:23. > :18:28.to date not a single transplant has taken place in the UK and they have
:18:29. > :18:32.suspended it pending a review. American vets have done arena
:18:33. > :18:38.transplant with cats. The donor cat is a stray cat and the conditions
:18:39. > :18:42.are, if a stray cat is giving a kidney, it has to be adopted by the
:18:43. > :18:53.family who are receiving the kidney on behalf of the cat. Pet owners can
:18:54. > :19:01.donate tissue and bone. They can donate tendons and ligaments from
:19:02. > :19:07.their poor departed animal. But was run over earlier this year. His leg
:19:08. > :19:12.was broken in five places. He received a bone graft. Nine months
:19:13. > :19:17.later, he was incarcerated in his cell for nine weeks but he is making
:19:18. > :19:25.a really good recovery. We have donor cards. You can register your
:19:26. > :19:30.dog, Jennifer, are you listening? There are donor cards. Where do you
:19:31. > :19:37.draw the line? How extreme do you go with procedures for your pets?
:19:38. > :19:45.Especially if life expectancy is only short, I think it is odd. Maybe
:19:46. > :19:54.if people had valuable animals, may be breeding animals, I could
:19:55. > :20:00.understand it like that. I am a sucker for live. When Jennifer and
:20:01. > :20:07.her contemporaries burst out of the alternative comedy scene in the
:20:08. > :20:12.1980s, it was bad news for one particular comedian. But the
:20:13. > :20:15.slickest showman on telly managed to bounce back. Here's Ruth Goodman on
:20:16. > :20:22.his remarkable life. In this has lived a plump boy that locals
:20:23. > :20:28.laughed at. When I said I wanted to become a comedian, everyone laughed.
:20:29. > :20:31.They are not laughing now. Bob Monkhouse became one of the biggest
:20:32. > :20:39.and slickest entertainers on Saturday night television. I love
:20:40. > :20:49.the BBC. This is like home. The food is loudly and nobody talks to me.
:20:50. > :20:54.Life in a well -- life did not begin so smoothly when he was born in
:20:55. > :21:01.Beckenham in 1928. A thyroid problem meant he was overweight and made fun
:21:02. > :21:05.of. I got the impression it was not a happy childhood and he would
:21:06. > :21:11.retreat from life. If he had a pen in his hand, he was happy. In his
:21:12. > :21:17.early teens, he was drawing cartoons. He got his cartoons
:21:18. > :21:25.published at the age of 12. It was telling jokes to friends and family
:21:26. > :21:30.that got the best laughs. He used humour to prevent barracking that he
:21:31. > :21:39.would have got at school. As he became thinner, he decided he likes
:21:40. > :21:43.getting laughs. By 15, he had sold gags to his stand-up heroes. Soon he
:21:44. > :21:54.was treading the boards himself -- himself. Comedy, when Bob started,
:21:55. > :21:58.was a very working class medium. Coming from a different background
:21:59. > :22:03.and starting slightly posher come he really was a fish out of water. His
:22:04. > :22:08.father was an accountant and his mother came from a really nice
:22:09. > :22:13.background. It was pure tenacity and drive that kept him going. His
:22:14. > :22:20.middle-class roots would come in handy for his next goal, BBC Radio.
:22:21. > :22:23.When he was called up for national service at the aria essential
:22:24. > :22:31.medical establishment in London, he used his position to get an audition
:22:32. > :22:38.for the BBC. He got a blank page with a signature. To that, he wrote
:22:39. > :22:41.a letter to the BBC, telling them that this airman was suffering from
:22:42. > :22:49.terrible nerves and ought to be able to get an audition for radio. It
:22:50. > :22:55.worked and they loved him. He got into show business by a little
:22:56. > :23:01.forgery. By the 1970s he was one of the hottest and highest game show
:23:02. > :23:07.hosts on television. When alternative comedy arrived in the
:23:08. > :23:12.80s, his comic genius was forgotten. He was called smarmy and insincere.
:23:13. > :23:17.He said mother-in-law jokes do not get laughs any more. He felt this
:23:18. > :23:25.would be the time to be developed his routines and so he did. The king
:23:26. > :23:32.of the one-liner now held court on editions of Have I Got News For
:23:33. > :23:40.capital U. His new Renaissance were suddenly to be cut short. He died of
:23:41. > :23:46.cancer in 2003. He was gags have outlived him to this day. This is
:23:47. > :23:52.one of the famous joke books. All the jokes he ever needed, it used or
:23:53. > :23:56.invented are in here. The handwriting is beautiful but also
:23:57. > :24:02.profusely illustrated. For example, rather than scribbling their words,
:24:03. > :24:10.farm, for a bunch of farm jokes, he has turned it into a cow. Do you
:24:11. > :24:17.still use them? Absolutely. Recently, I needed a joke for Sir
:24:18. > :24:25.Terry Wogan for Proms in the Park. I might go to M, in Rumania I attended
:24:26. > :24:32.a concert attended by a three handed classical pianist. He does not play
:24:33. > :24:37.better than anyone else but he can turn his own pages. The Beckenham
:24:38. > :24:47.boy who started out feeling unloved really did have the last laugh with
:24:48. > :24:52.his jokes standing the test of time. He is one of the faces that was
:24:53. > :24:57.challenging the comedy establishment back then. Who is challenging view
:24:58. > :25:04.these days? I do not think we are paired to be challenged any more. I
:25:05. > :25:08.think it has happened. I think Miranda and Katie Wickes and Watson
:25:09. > :25:18.and Oliver, I think they are the ones who have to worry now. I think
:25:19. > :25:23.we are... You know, it is done. There is room for you all. It is a
:25:24. > :25:26.thorny issue for some, but we'll be soon be living alongside some new
:25:27. > :25:29.European neighbours when curbs on the migration of Romanians and
:25:30. > :25:33.Bulgarians to the UK are lifted on January first. But how well do you
:25:34. > :25:34.know the real Romanians? We asked a Romanian-born comedian to shatter a
:25:35. > :25:47.few stereotypes. Hello. I am a Rumanian actress. I am
:25:48. > :25:52.very happy to be doing the one show because normally I get asked to play
:25:53. > :25:56.Eastern European pickpockets, vampires and sex traffic victims. I
:25:57. > :26:04.am here to tell you ten facts about the mania. You probably think our
:26:05. > :26:14.national dish is horse meat. -- Rumania. Of course it is not. Our
:26:15. > :26:23.main dish is minced meat wrapped with cabbage leaves. We also make
:26:24. > :26:25.some exquisite cakes. You may think we are vampires and drink blood but
:26:26. > :26:39.our national drink is wine. We have the second largest building
:26:40. > :26:45.in the world, built by Nikolai Ceausescu. He demolished one fifth
:26:46. > :26:49.of Bucharest to make room for it. He was inspired by a visit by North
:26:50. > :26:54.Korea. What a dream holiday that must have been! Romanians are very
:26:55. > :27:09.hard-working. You may think of us as a Slavic
:27:10. > :27:17.country that actually we are a night -- a Latin nation. We are quite
:27:18. > :27:23.similar to you British fish and chip lovers. You have X Factor, we have X
:27:24. > :27:32.Factor. You have written is got talent, we have Rumania has got
:27:33. > :27:45.talent. We also have famous movie stars and producers. Durham call was
:27:46. > :27:54.a child of a famous immigrant. -- Lauren Bacall.Thanks, Elena. You
:27:55. > :27:58.have all heard of Oskar Schindler. A Rumanian doctors saved nearly 20,000
:27:59. > :28:02.lives. There was no movie. You are probably thinking we will come over
:28:03. > :28:09.here and steal your jobs. Do not worry, if you have no job, come to
:28:10. > :28:16.Rumania and steal ours. We have the fastest-growing economy in the
:28:17. > :28:21.Eastern Bloc. Please do not worry. I do not want your job, unless you are
:28:22. > :28:31.a comedian. The fact is, we have been living here for years. Thank
:28:32. > :28:36.you for this. Olive is having a little look at that. You can take
:28:37. > :28:39.that home and do what you want with it. And thanks, Jennifer. Jennifer's
:28:40. > :28:43.book, Bonkers, is out now. Tomorrow, comedy from Greg Davies, and Gordon
:28:44. > :28:44.Ramsey will be here cooking up a whole Christmas dinner. I love my
:28:45. > :28:47.job.