:00:32. > :00:39.Patrick, it is perfect on the show tonight. Does that mean I am
:00:40. > :00:41.interesting, quintessentially Irish, quietly important, quality idiots?
:00:42. > :00:57.That is the one. # Trying to make a move just
:00:58. > :01:00.to stay in the game. # I try to stay awake
:01:01. > :01:04.and remember my name. # But everybody's changing
:01:05. > :01:24.and I don't feel the same. APPLAUSE. Welcome to The One Show.
:01:25. > :01:30.Patrick Kielty is back. And Alex Jones, what a lovely start. That was
:01:31. > :01:40.former Keane front man. He is looking hot and sexy. He looks like
:01:41. > :01:44.Tom Huddleston. Taylor Swift will be doing backing vocals later. He will
:01:45. > :01:49.be performing a track from his very first solo album at the end of the
:01:50. > :01:54.programme. We have more great against, one of home is an avid
:01:55. > :01:58.bird-watcher and these gas, they are quite rare breeds. One is a highly
:01:59. > :02:02.intelligent migratory bird who has made the journey from dead bark and
:02:03. > :02:07.risen to the top of the channel show pecking order. One is a greater
:02:08. > :02:11.spotted comedian often seen touring the British Isles with his
:02:12. > :02:16.distinctive facial plumage and exquisite birdsong. Let us see if we
:02:17. > :02:20.can spot them. But these terrible binoculars. They are very far away.
:02:21. > :02:35.I have them the wrong way around. Hang on. There we go. It is Sandi
:02:36. > :02:49.Toksvig and Bill Bailey! The Birdy Song. Nice to meet you. Is that
:02:50. > :02:53.right? Just for future reference. Put some breathing holes. Could you
:02:54. > :02:57.not breathe through your mouth? I did not think of it. We just brought
:02:58. > :03:06.two of the most intelligent performers on to the The Birdy Song.
:03:07. > :03:10.It is very The One Show! It is comedy gold. I have been attacked by
:03:11. > :03:17.a vulture on the show. Anything to do with birds. We bonded over a
:03:18. > :03:22.vulture. We were both nearly attacked, it was awful. Bill, we
:03:23. > :03:33.will be talking about this remarkable book, there it is, what
:03:34. > :03:40.is that? Scared. Clever. Lots of great facts. Lots of them. Something
:03:41. > :03:48.came up in the research, ravens, Tower of London, the idea that if
:03:49. > :03:54.they ever leave, the monarchy will fall, very cleverly, they are
:03:55. > :04:05.clipped and they can never leave! Does the Queen, round? First bird
:04:06. > :04:09.fact. They are incredibly bright, very intelligent. When Vladimir
:04:10. > :04:16.Putin visited, one of them said good morning to him. In Russian. We will
:04:17. > :04:21.be talking to you Sandi about your brand new appointment in QI. Last
:04:22. > :04:25.time you were on, you talked about your part in founding the Woman's
:04:26. > :04:30.Equality Party. This week we have learned how Ukip sort out their
:04:31. > :04:34.differences, how he did does it get? Obviously, women's party can get
:04:35. > :04:38.tense, we had an awkward discussion about whether the cream or the jam
:04:39. > :04:45.should go on to this: first, Devon versus Cornwall. We have got a very
:04:46. > :04:49.big treat for you, not for you, but for you guys, because we will be
:04:50. > :04:58.tasting the most expensive whisky on sale in the UK. Of all the times to
:04:59. > :05:05.be pregnant! It casts an eye watering ?20,000 per bottle. That is
:05:06. > :05:16.wider and security. We have Kim Kardashian security guard and the
:05:17. > :05:20.audience from The Price Is Right! It is not necessarily the best time to
:05:21. > :05:25.be taking on a brand-new high profile position. From England
:05:26. > :05:28.manager Sam Allardyce to Ukip's Diane James, we have seen some
:05:29. > :05:35.pretty rapid rise and fall is, but they are not the only ones lacking
:05:36. > :05:41.staying power as Tommy discovered. What is your problem? Have you ever
:05:42. > :05:45.been sacked? Or did you resign? You cannot fire me, I quit. Sometimes,
:05:46. > :05:52.it is just not that easy to hold onto that dream job. Many have
:05:53. > :05:58.failed. Sam Allardyce is recent 67 day stint as England manager was an
:05:59. > :06:03.age compared to some. A less was the reign of Lady Jane Grey as Queen of
:06:04. > :06:08.England, she had just nine days, the Berger lost her head. Or the actor
:06:09. > :06:13.George Lazenby, 007 for just 90 minutes. This never happened to the
:06:14. > :06:17.other fell off. Then there was George Entwistle, director-general
:06:18. > :06:22.of the BBC for just 54 days. Recognise the thing, it is back to
:06:23. > :06:29.the future, hang on, that is not Michael J Fox! Eric Stoltz was
:06:30. > :06:34.originally cast as Marty McFly but they got rid of him. What are you
:06:35. > :06:39.doing, we need to get you back to the future to find another job! You
:06:40. > :06:43.know about this kind of stuff, if I am only any job for five minutes
:06:44. > :06:47.will it affect my long-term career future? It will not help. What is
:06:48. > :06:52.worse, been sacked or resigning because you cannot get? 80% of the
:06:53. > :06:56.time you're better to have a conversation, because if you do not,
:06:57. > :06:59.you do not have control, it extra stress go through the roof and
:07:00. > :07:03.secondly, the organisation does not understand what you can do for them
:07:04. > :07:06.and what you want in return. If it is not right for you, you need to
:07:07. > :07:10.tell them. What is the shortest career time you have ever come
:07:11. > :07:15.across? And marketing director working for one of our biggest
:07:16. > :07:19.institutions, who was sacked on the first day for sitting in his office
:07:20. > :07:24.and reading the Financial Times. It happens to the best and the rest.
:07:25. > :07:29.Thank you. What is the shortest job you have ever been any duration
:07:30. > :07:36.wise? Three months. We can. Ten years. One evening. What happened?
:07:37. > :07:41.It was baby-sitting gig. Give the kids back. Cleaning toilets. I was
:07:42. > :07:45.in at about ten seconds. Internship. It ended because I was not getting
:07:46. > :07:52.paid. Why we only there for three months? I did not like my bars.
:07:53. > :07:55.Losing the job can mean having to change your wardrobe. In Jeremy
:07:56. > :08:04.Corbyn's case, it was the whole Cabinet. Part last resigned from her
:08:05. > :08:09.dream job after just two days. When it comes to keeping your job, good
:08:10. > :08:15.luck. The main thing we have learned today, it is you again, the third
:08:16. > :08:23.time today, I know you have only started, but you have to go. You are
:08:24. > :08:28.fired, Sun! I did two hours as our red pepper chopper but I was not
:08:29. > :08:32.chopping quick enough. I was fired. I have never really done anything,
:08:33. > :08:40.never asked back for any shows apart from this one! Patrick The One Show
:08:41. > :08:50.Kielty, that is what they call me. It suggests a low standard for this
:08:51. > :08:55.show. You have been on QI about 17 times as a guess, it must be a dream
:08:56. > :09:00.job. It is my favourite show. It is a perfect chill, you feel you being
:09:01. > :09:06.entertaining and informative. You no idea where it will go. You turn up
:09:07. > :09:13.and it happens. It flows in every direction. We had some extraordinary
:09:14. > :09:19.moments, Alan Davis, there is a moment, I was not responsible for
:09:20. > :09:23.the edit, but there is a moment where he fakes an orgasm. One of the
:09:24. > :09:32.single funniest things I have ever seen. Tune in just for that. I have
:09:33. > :09:38.never seen that. I have not seen out on the Natural World. Who knew that
:09:39. > :09:51.female child could be bothered to do that! It was in New York deli as
:09:52. > :10:01.well -- trout. Here is a clip. Just to be eccentric, we do not know,
:10:02. > :10:07.there is a story that Richard Daley, made a bet that within 48 hours he
:10:08. > :10:11.could get a word into common parlance and he distributed the word
:10:12. > :10:18.quiz to be put on walls all over Dublin and it became part of the
:10:19. > :10:30.language. That is from inquisitive. An inquisition. You're in the right
:10:31. > :10:38.chair. I got a cold feeling, then. APPLAUSE. . You knew that
:10:39. > :10:43.straightaway. What we loved about it, it looked like you have been
:10:44. > :10:48.doing it all your life. I was so comfortable. I know everyone, the
:10:49. > :10:53.only thing about it, I had the same chair that Stephen Fry had and they
:10:54. > :11:01.had to put it on a platform, I had to climb into the chair, because I
:11:02. > :11:08.was too short! It is much too short for the desk. Maybe next series I
:11:09. > :11:15.will get my own chair. What is your favourite fact about N? Sometimes
:11:16. > :11:19.your house smells and you do not know if your houses knowing, you can
:11:20. > :11:24.reboot your nose, introduce more oxygen and you do that by running up
:11:25. > :11:28.and down the stairs. They get to the bottom of the stairs and you
:11:29. > :11:33.suddenly go, that is a terrible smell. You have rebooted journals. I
:11:34. > :11:39.do not know what you do if you live in a bungalow. Move house! --
:11:40. > :11:51.rebooted your nose. I think you might need to reboot your as! QI is
:11:52. > :11:55.back for another series on BBC Two web Sandi at the helm album -- on
:11:56. > :12:02.the 21st of October. It is nearly time to taste the posh whisky.
:12:03. > :12:10.Scottish whisky is regarded as the best in the world. They do not even
:12:11. > :12:15.know how to spell it. Another country has taken on the Scots and
:12:16. > :12:24.Irish. It is a story that John Sergeant was very happy to tell. For
:12:25. > :12:31.obvious reasons. The highlands of Scotland can be so attractive. The
:12:32. > :12:35.mountains, the fresh air and of course the whisky. Across Scotland,
:12:36. > :12:41.there are over 100 distilleries, whisky accounts for more than 85% of
:12:42. > :12:49.Scottish food and drink exports. ?4 billion worth. Around the world,
:12:50. > :12:54.millions of people are partial to a wee dram. This is an award-winning
:12:55. > :12:58.whisky, one of the best in the world. But the strangest thing is,
:12:59. > :13:09.it does not come from around here, it comes from Japan. If I go on like
:13:10. > :13:15.this, I will get smashed, honestly. How the Japanese came to be so good
:13:16. > :13:21.at making whisky goes back to 1918 and the arrival in Glasgow of a
:13:22. > :13:26.Japanese chemistry student. He combined his studies here with
:13:27. > :13:33.apprenticeships in several whisky distilleries. And he returned to
:13:34. > :13:38.Japan with more than just expertise in Scotch whisky. He had fallen in
:13:39. > :13:43.love with a local girl, Rita Callen. Harry Hogan is her great nephew.
:13:44. > :13:51.This photograph is where they first met. He was invited to the house by
:13:52. > :13:56.Rita's sister to teach jujitsu to her brother, camel. Eventually, he
:13:57. > :14:03.moved on as a lodger. During that period of time, he got to know Rita
:14:04. > :14:12.well. They cut up the pudding and his piece had the silver sixpence
:14:13. > :14:16.and in Rita's piece was a ring, was that a message? Definitely. Within a
:14:17. > :14:19.very short space of time, they married. That must have been quite a
:14:20. > :14:24.strange thing to happen, a mixed marriage back then. It was very
:14:25. > :14:27.unusual. The families were upset but eventually, they came to the
:14:28. > :14:33.conclusion it was the best thing for everyone. At the end of 1920, they
:14:34. > :14:38.moved to Japan. That must have been a culture shock. I am sure it was.
:14:39. > :14:43.Very few people spoke English, but she got involved very quickly, she
:14:44. > :14:47.started offering piano lessons and teaching English to some wealthy
:14:48. > :14:57.families. Rita's income helped to tide them over and he was able to
:14:58. > :15:10.set out his own distillery. Life changed abruptly for the couple when
:15:11. > :15:13.Japan entered World War II in 1941. On December seven, 1941, Japan like
:15:14. > :15:21.its infamous axis partners to clergy were afterwards. By then, Rita was a
:15:22. > :15:25.naturalised Japanese citizen and she was suspected of being a spy,
:15:26. > :15:27.sending intelligence to be allies and she was kept under constant
:15:28. > :15:38.surveillance by the secret police. The war led to a boom in their
:15:39. > :15:49.business. This man is the boss of a
:15:50. > :15:54.distillerly. They developed a taste for whisky. Then came along the war.
:15:55. > :15:58.The suppliers cut off. It gave them an opportunity to sell their own
:15:59. > :16:04.whisky. You cannot fight a war without whisky, can you? Definitely
:16:05. > :16:06.not. After Japan's defeat, foreigners, including Rita, were
:16:07. > :16:13.slowly accepted back into the community.
:16:14. > :16:19.The Nikka distillery continued to thrive and still does today. One
:16:20. > :16:23.time arriving at the station and surprise, surprise, it is all tartan
:16:24. > :16:27.and shortbread, all this sort of thing. It is like being in Scotland.
:16:28. > :16:36.So a bit of Scotland has been planted in Japan. Very much so.
:16:37. > :16:46.In Japan, Rita is now much more than one half of a famous love story.
:16:47. > :16:49.She's renowned in her own right as the mother of Japanese whisky and I
:16:50. > :17:01.will certainly drink to that. John having a terrible time there,
:17:02. > :17:07.as we could all see! He's still missing in the Highlands... If
:17:08. > :17:14.anyone knows of his whereabouts. ?20,000 a bottle. It comes in its
:17:15. > :17:21.own cabinet. Each shot is ?1,000. We have not paid for it, so just down
:17:22. > :17:25.it. Really? Basically you are turning The One Show into a stag
:17:26. > :17:30.weekend! Smell it.
:17:31. > :17:37.This is a whole week's drinking in one sit. I let it touch my lips and
:17:38. > :17:43.that's ?700! I've had a terrible life... I
:17:44. > :17:50.have... I've always loved you. You are my best mate... No, no, no, no.
:17:51. > :17:59.Is there four people there? It is nice. It's lovely... You are not
:18:00. > :18:06.sure, are you? It is delicious. I will not rush out and buy... I feel
:18:07. > :18:12.it is a luxury drink. We should probably talk about... As we are all
:18:13. > :18:16.flying - I just thought about that after the first sentence. Tell us
:18:17. > :18:21.about the new book. Where did the inspiration come for this joy? Well,
:18:22. > :18:26.I think I have grown up in the West Country. My mum and dad going out to
:18:27. > :18:32.bird sanctuaries was always a family day out. So, it is, it came about
:18:33. > :18:40.really because a very old friend of mine who lives in the troopics in
:18:41. > :18:44.ind nose, I was with him -- troopics in Indonesia. I was with him, and I
:18:45. > :18:48.said anything you miss about Britain? He said it is the subtle
:18:49. > :18:55.colours of the British birds, the browns and the seasonal changes you
:18:56. > :18:58.don't get there. It made me re-think British birds, so when I came back I
:18:59. > :19:01.started to look at them in a different way. And then the
:19:02. > :19:05.opportunity to do the book came along. I thought I want to make a
:19:06. > :19:11.book about ordinary birds. Birds you used to see in your back garden. It
:19:12. > :19:14.is really for people, not necessarily bird watchers and
:19:15. > :19:18.twitchers, but people who don't know much about birds and this is a
:19:19. > :19:25.notebook. It is full of lovely illustrations. Very realistic
:19:26. > :19:32.pictures drawn by yourself. A very realistic picture... It is a
:19:33. > :19:39.regional variation. That whisky is a lot stronger than I thought! There
:19:40. > :19:50.are really good facts. We had one at the top of the show. Let's reel off
:19:51. > :19:56.some more. Here's one for you. Are you the guy at the bar going... I
:19:57. > :20:01.want to tell you about birds... ? You get four birds in a Renault...
:20:02. > :20:08.No! Oh, it is like being with a you kip
:20:09. > :20:15.person! -- a Ukip person! 1400 WRENS weighs
:20:16. > :20:22.the same as a swan. It weighs one swan. If you are... It
:20:23. > :20:26.must have been a very patient swan. How did somebody find out? That
:20:27. > :20:29.fact, I don't know. I suppose someone, that is a hobby. Can you
:20:30. > :20:44.identify this bird? Oh, sorry!
:20:45. > :20:51.Patrick One Show Kielty. It is amazing... It gives you psychic
:20:52. > :20:56.powers. It has a beak... It's... All four of us sitting here waiting for
:20:57. > :21:05.it to appear! No, that is... You don't see these
:21:06. > :21:12.very often. It is a cuckoo. No, it isn't. It is called Bill
:21:13. > :21:23.Bailey and flying over the sister har ra to the Congolese -- over the
:21:24. > :21:28.Sahara to the Congolese... I am delighted by that. I am very
:21:29. > :21:32.chuffed. Thank you very much. How marvellous. Bill aes Bill's
:21:33. > :21:38.Remarkable Guide to British Birds is out now. And the new series of Q it
:21:39. > :21:43.is about N. So our next film is about juggling. Shouldn't that be
:21:44. > :21:49.nuggling. Not dropping stuff... Oh, not
:21:50. > :21:53.dropping stuff! Circus acts have entertained
:21:54. > :21:59.families for generations and my personal favourite is the jugglers.
:22:00. > :22:03.You may not have noticed, performers almost never juggle any more than
:22:04. > :22:08.seven or eight items. Juggling three, five or even seven objects is
:22:09. > :22:14.relatively straightforward. Add one or two more and it rapidly becomes
:22:15. > :22:18.absurdly difficult. The record for juggling balls,
:22:19. > :22:23.throwing and catching them more than once each, is 11. Achieved in this
:22:24. > :22:29.attempt by Alex Baron, the only person to do it on camera. Is it
:22:30. > :22:35.possible to juggle more than 11 balls? Or does physics make it
:22:36. > :22:39.impossible? Gravity, the height you throw the
:22:40. > :22:44.balls and hand speed all place limits on how many balls you can
:22:45. > :22:50.juggle. Here to help explain this is Dr Colin Wright. The problem is the
:22:51. > :22:54.more balls you add it becomes disproportionately harder, that is
:22:55. > :22:58.because of gravity and how it works. What goes up must come down. But the
:22:59. > :23:01.problem is that objects like this ball don't go up and down at a
:23:02. > :23:06.consistent speed. As I throw the ball, it has to go
:23:07. > :23:09.fast out of my hand, but then it slows down when it gets to the top
:23:10. > :23:14.and stays there for a while and then starts to come back down again. When
:23:15. > :23:19.it comes to you it will once again travel fast.
:23:20. > :23:23.So you can see there, it actually seems to hang in the air for a long
:23:24. > :23:28.time. That is actually what happens. When you are juggling nine or the
:23:29. > :23:32.world record, 11, half of them are hanging their at the very top of the
:23:33. > :23:36.pattern and they all have to miss each other. And that is what makes
:23:37. > :23:41.it difficult. Because of this quirk of gravity,
:23:42. > :23:45.the more balls you add, the more congested the top of the arc
:23:46. > :23:50.becomes. So you need a lot more precision to stop them hitting each
:23:51. > :23:55.other. So that is one limit that makes juggling high numbers so
:23:56. > :24:00.difficult. To help me understand the other limits, Colin and I are
:24:01. > :24:05.meeting one of the UK's top jugglers, Josh Turner. Every time
:24:06. > :24:10.you have the ball you have less time to throw the balls yund have to
:24:11. > :24:14.throw them higher. Juggling more balls means you have to juggle them
:24:15. > :24:20.higher or faster, to give yourself time to deal with the extra balls.
:24:21. > :24:24.It is those limits of height and speed that cap how many it is
:24:25. > :24:30.possible to juggle and once again gravity makes things difficult.
:24:31. > :24:38.Here, tick, tick, I am juggling this high at this speed. If I want to get
:24:39. > :24:44.twice the time, tick, tick, I have to throw, tick, tick tick, tick.
:24:45. > :24:49.That is four times the height. So to avoid having to hurl balls miles
:24:50. > :24:54.into the air jugglers juggle faster. There are limits on how high and how
:24:55. > :24:59.fast someone can juggle. If we know what those height and speed limits
:25:00. > :25:04.are, we can work out a theatrical maximum number of balls.
:25:05. > :25:07.It starts to suffer there in the drop.
:25:08. > :25:13.Josh managed to juggle at seven metres for a short period. Juggling
:25:14. > :25:17.any higher than that would require almost superhuman strength. So that
:25:18. > :25:21.provides one limit for Josh, but the other limit on how many balls you
:25:22. > :25:29.can juggle is set by how fast your hands can move.
:25:30. > :25:34.Then it was too fast. Slowed down we can see Josh can make
:25:35. > :25:38.around eight throws a second before it simply becomes impossible.
:25:39. > :25:42.Combining that with Josh's maximum height of seven metres you can
:25:43. > :25:46.calculate that Josh could, in theory, juggle 15 balls. But that
:25:47. > :25:53.would require complete accuracy and no errors.
:25:54. > :25:58.So, in theory, the 11-ball record could be broken. But because of the
:25:59. > :26:06.limits of gravity and also hand speed, the jug her would need to be
:26:07. > :26:09.hugely strong. It would also be a super-human effort of precision.
:26:10. > :26:18.Here we go... I can't do three, let alone 11. We
:26:19. > :26:22.have done three. We cannot make it 11. That is almost it tonight.
:26:23. > :26:28.Thanks to Sandi, to Bill. Good luck with QI and the book. Thank you. We
:26:29. > :26:33.have more great guests next week, including Tom Hanks. Can you
:26:34. > :26:39.believe! Now from The Wave, it is former Keane front man, Tom Chaplin,
:26:40. > :26:48.with Quicksand. Have a great weekend.
:26:49. > :26:57.# Yeah, take it from me # It's how it'll be.
:26:58. > :27:31.# But if you crash-land in the quicksand.
:27:32. > :27:33.# I will pick you up, I'll pull you out.
:27:34. > :27:51.# You'll be on track, on the rack, bounce back.
:27:52. > :28:15.# Whatever you need, life's gonna bring you glory.
:28:16. > :28:35.# But if you crash-land, in the quicksand.