:00:24. > :00:33.Hello and welcome to the One Show with Alex Jones and Matt Baker.
:00:33. > :00:41.I noticed I have got Gos on my top. Things you are likely to hear on a
:00:41. > :00:46.history documentary. Boudicca, to see you Boud.
:00:46. > :00:53.Mock The Week is back with a permanent but face and it is Chris
:00:53. > :00:59.Addison. A new face, what about that. A brand-new face.
:00:59. > :01:04.It is lovely to see you, Chris. I was was speaking to Rory brem nar
:01:04. > :01:07.earlier, he sends his regards. He said you were the greatest stand-up
:01:07. > :01:13.of all time. Did he say that with a straight
:01:13. > :01:20.face? He did. Do I owe him money? The most
:01:20. > :01:26.annoying thing was I only had a few minutes, but he ran me through your
:01:26. > :01:30.whole biography. We have a game called Mock The One
:01:30. > :01:33.Show later. We need to hear jokes from you at home. Yes, the subject
:01:33. > :01:37.for the jokes are birds, the seaside and the gym.
:01:37. > :01:40.Birds, the seaside and the gym. Please send them in. E-mail your
:01:40. > :01:45.jokes and all will become clear later on.
:01:45. > :01:48.Dom is here with advice on how to get out of your gym membership.
:01:48. > :01:52.you remember where you were when the horror of 9/11 started to
:01:52. > :01:55.unfold? It was an extraordinary day in Britain and it was difficult to
:01:55. > :01:59.tear yourself away from the pictures on television. For some
:01:59. > :02:02.that day holds more intense memories.
:02:03. > :02:09.I was back in the office working, sitting at my desk and somebody
:02:09. > :02:12.just came upstairs and said, "Have you heard what has happened? ". I
:02:12. > :02:17.was at the police police superintendent's annual annual
:02:17. > :02:22.conference. I was travelling on a train. I was
:02:22. > :02:26.working in my studio space in the World Trade Center. The studio was
:02:26. > :02:31.two floors below where the plane hit. As I stepped out of the
:02:31. > :02:35.elevator, there was a big blast which came down the corridor and I
:02:35. > :02:39.was thrown across the corridor and it was smoke and debris.
:02:39. > :02:42.Suddenly my mobile phone went and it wasn't Downing Street, it was my
:02:43. > :02:45.secretary son Hugh, who was -- second son Hugh, who was watching
:02:45. > :02:48.the television through a shop window.
:02:48. > :02:57.People started coming in because they were worried at what was going
:02:57. > :03:06.What I recall at the time was there was a sense of utter shock.
:03:06. > :03:15.reaction was incredit incredulity. Was this real? It was like watching
:03:15. > :03:25.a movie on TV at home. I started making my way to the fire escape.
:03:25. > :03:30.As soon as I switched the phone off, it rang again and it was the
:03:30. > :03:33.Cabinet Office. People couldn't believe what they were watching.
:03:33. > :03:39.It Australia went quiet and thinking about people they know and
:03:39. > :03:44.the devastation that was caused out there. Then I remember coming round
:03:44. > :03:49.the last block of stairs and seeing daylight coming out which was a
:03:49. > :03:54.sigh of relief and officers shouting "go, go, move, move." The
:03:54. > :03:56.sound was so loud that I looked up and saw this big cloud coming down
:03:56. > :04:02.on top. Gordon Brown was talking about the
:04:02. > :04:06.City of London and the possible attack on Canary Wharf. We believed
:04:06. > :04:10.there would be an imminent second attack in the United Kingdom.
:04:10. > :04:15.recall receiving a text from a friend of mine saying, "Worrying
:04:15. > :04:20.times. Muslims seem to be behind this." The hole atmosphere on the
:04:20. > :04:28.train began to transform. My wife pointed out that she felt that
:04:28. > :04:33.people had started to look at us and to her, a Muslim woman in a
:04:33. > :04:40.high a hijab, in a different way. I didn't think I could keep
:04:40. > :04:44.breathing. I remember feeling around and felt somebody beside me.
:04:44. > :04:54.I realised it was a fireman. I remember he put his jacket over me.
:04:54. > :04:57.
:04:57. > :05:04.I want to see if that fireman made Vanessa Laurence is here with us
:05:04. > :05:07.now. Extraordinary store story of you making your way down 91 floors
:05:07. > :05:12.and we have a photograph of the moment you left the building
:05:12. > :05:16.captured by a random photographer. Tell us happened next then.
:05:16. > :05:20.From that point on, I remember staying beside the fire engine for
:05:20. > :05:23.quite a while just with that fireman and other people were
:05:23. > :05:27.coming around trying to get water that was coming out from the mire
:05:27. > :05:31.engine to clear the dust off them and everything and then another
:05:31. > :05:36.officer came by and said, "Do you want me to take you away from
:05:36. > :05:43.this?" So we just started walking away and at the same time he is
:05:43. > :05:47.trying to calm me and he is saying, "I have seen all my colleagues walk
:05:47. > :05:52.in there" the ware of us are walking away dazed. We kept on
:05:52. > :05:56.walking. People were heading towards the Brooklyn Bridge. I kept
:05:56. > :06:01.walking north. And you are from Glasgow and that
:06:01. > :06:03.photograph ended up in a Glasgow newspaper? Just randomly. All the
:06:03. > :06:10.photographs appeared of people and it happened to be in the Glasgow
:06:10. > :06:13.Heard. I wasn't back in Scotland at that point. Yeah, it was strange.
:06:13. > :06:17.So the painting that you were working on at the time. It is a
:06:17. > :06:21.beautiful piece of work. You have redone it because the original was
:06:21. > :06:26.left-back there. So this was done from memory.
:06:26. > :06:30.It was done from memory. I had a couple - I lost all my photographs
:06:30. > :06:34.and everything - but someone had given me a photograph that was from
:06:34. > :06:38.the towers and I had the top half of it, but it is done from memory,
:06:38. > :06:41.the light and everything. And this is the view out of the of
:06:41. > :06:44.the studio. It would go, it would be further
:06:44. > :06:50.West and then all the way around, east and over to Brooklyn and
:06:50. > :06:55.across. It was Amazing. Ahad a hole panorama.
:06:55. > :06:58.It must have been a painful thing to do. Why did you feel you needed
:06:58. > :07:02.to complete that picture or start it again, but finish it this time?
:07:02. > :07:07.Because I had been working on it that morning so it was important
:07:07. > :07:13.because it was an unfinished piece. All the work I had been doing in
:07:13. > :07:18.there was unfinished, but I had to carry on from where I left off.
:07:18. > :07:22.How did it feel when you completed it? It was good. I enjoyed painting
:07:22. > :07:26.it, but no, it was good and I'm glad I've done it. It is the only
:07:26. > :07:30.one I have done, but I'm glad I've done it. It is not as good as the
:07:30. > :07:34.original in my head. Nothing is as good as the original
:07:34. > :07:38.in your head, ever. Thank you for joining us. There is
:07:38. > :07:43.services up and down the country this Sunday and you can see a piece
:07:43. > :07:48.of steel work at the imperial war museum in sal sord.
:07:48. > :07:54.Ssh Salford. Now as ever, Dom has been looking
:07:54. > :07:58.through your e-mails to see if he can give you a helping hand.
:07:58. > :08:02.A lot of you have run into problems when you need to find a tradesman
:08:02. > :08:09.in a hurry. HomeServe caters for that thing and they are a one stop
:08:09. > :08:12.shop that claims to be Britain's - a number for emergency experts. A
:08:12. > :08:15.viewer got in touch because he was at the end of his tether with this
:08:15. > :08:22.company. My daughter's father-in-law and I
:08:22. > :08:29.were working in the kitchen getting rid of old paperwork when we cut
:08:30. > :08:33.into an old water feed which burst. I rang HomeServe and they wanted
:08:33. > :08:36.�215 upfront to send somebody out. The plumber that came out wasn't
:08:36. > :08:43.able to carry out the work. He didn't have the right equipment and
:08:43. > :08:48.actually made things worse bending the pipes. The first plumber
:08:48. > :08:51.claimed he was unable to fix the pipe and a team was needed.
:08:51. > :08:56.HomeServe refunded Ian the cost of the first plumber, but a second
:08:56. > :08:59.visit was more expensive. They wanted to charge me �549. The
:08:59. > :09:06.second guy came out and did what the first guy should have done,
:09:06. > :09:09.turned it off in the street, the job was done in 15 minutes.
:09:09. > :09:14.I was upset I was charged double the amount I had originally agreed
:09:14. > :09:20.to. I'm disgusted at the way they have treated me. I feel I have just
:09:20. > :09:24.been ripped off. So Dom, Ian tried to contact
:09:24. > :09:30.HomeServe? Yes, first of all he tried phoning and then he wrote to
:09:30. > :09:36.the customer services and attempted to write to the CEO, he got no
:09:36. > :09:42.reply. He contacted us and we contacted HomeServe. They sent us a
:09:42. > :09:46.statement. They said they have offered an apology for Mr Skinner's
:09:46. > :09:49.unacceptable experience and they are offering a full refund and
:09:49. > :09:52.compensate him for his inconvenience. They say the first
:09:52. > :09:56.plumber had been dismissed by the company for failing to meet their
:09:56. > :10:02.quality standards. They have changed their pricing now. And for
:10:02. > :10:08.that service that Ian received they have dropped the price from �549 to
:10:08. > :10:11.�250. Ian has accepted the apology and the compensation came through,
:10:11. > :10:18.�50 and he got a bunch of flowers today.
:10:18. > :10:21.Did he? What a lot of people need to do, have a list of numbers and
:10:21. > :10:27.put them on the back of a door of who to call, an electrician,
:10:27. > :10:31.plumber, anyone like that in an emergency. Know where your stopcock
:10:31. > :10:34.is. Trades people, when you see them on these federation sites and
:10:34. > :10:40.trade bodies, they are paid up members. It doesn't guarantee their
:10:40. > :10:50.work will be good. Do your own checks on whoever you call up.
:10:50. > :10:50.
:10:50. > :10:58.Do you do any DIY, Chris? No. No, Do you know where your stopcock is.
:10:58. > :11:05.No. My wife does all of that stuff. There are two options, I can do the
:11:06. > :11:08.DIY and she can watch me and we will start doing it and I can
:11:08. > :11:12.pretend I was going to do something else in the first place.
:11:12. > :11:16.We are moving on to the gym now. It is about people who join gyms and
:11:17. > :11:22.don't use them. A lot of people we stop going, we
:11:22. > :11:26.stop hitting the treadmill, but the contracts keep on running.
:11:26. > :11:33.I had to end my contract with an illness and to have to pay three
:11:33. > :11:37.months, I thought was a bit... asked them if I could leave. They
:11:37. > :11:41.charged me for the last month and didn't let me stop my contract and
:11:41. > :11:45.I had to wait for a year and had to get parental consent.
:11:45. > :11:49.When I went away this summer, I wanted to postpone my contract, but
:11:49. > :11:56.you have to cancel for a month in event. I went at the end of July to
:11:56. > :12:01.cancel and they said if I want to cancel now, I would still pay until
:12:01. > :12:08.the end of August. I came from Cardiff to London and
:12:08. > :12:12.they didn't have that chain of gym here. I had to pretend that a
:12:12. > :12:16.family member died. It is such a hassle and lots of us
:12:16. > :12:18.have run into this problem. The Office of Fair Trading went to
:12:18. > :12:22.the High Court and they asked for action against unfair contracts. We
:12:22. > :12:29.have had a lot of complaints. The gyms had a lot of complaints as
:12:29. > :12:30.well. Now there was, the case they took to court was about a company
:12:30. > :12:36.called Ashbourne Management Services. The High Court ruling
:12:36. > :12:42.ruled that the contracts were unfair. Therefore, unenforceble and
:12:42. > :12:46.that opens up the floodgates. Go to your gym. Don't go to the High
:12:46. > :12:51.Court, have a chat with your gym and see if they let you out of the
:12:51. > :12:56.contract. There might be a small penalty. If you can't get anywhere,
:12:56. > :13:00.ring Consumer Direct. Always go to the gym first and give them a
:13:00. > :13:08.chance to resolve the situation. Great.
:13:08. > :13:13.When we told Marty Jopson to don't his wetsuit.
:13:13. > :13:19.We sent him to a less tropical surfing Mecca.
:13:19. > :13:22.Waves are fascinating, beautiful things, just the sound of them is
:13:22. > :13:26.mesmerising. They are a vivid demonstration of nature's power,
:13:26. > :13:31.moving across the oceans day and night, constantly changing in shape
:13:31. > :13:38.and size, but if you wanted to find the perfect wave, where would you
:13:38. > :13:44.go? Well, I was told the answer was here, at the very top of Scotland.
:13:44. > :13:50.But you know what, the sea is as smooth as a baby's bottom. It is
:13:50. > :13:57.cold as well. But usually the waves look like
:13:58. > :14:05.this. They are so good that every year Thurso hosts international
:14:05. > :14:10.surfing competition. For surfers these waves can rival the best of
:14:10. > :14:20.what of Hawaii and Australia. Sam lives in Cornwall, but prefers
:14:20. > :14:21.
:14:21. > :14:26.So this is where you get the perfect wave in Britain? British
:14:26. > :14:31.surfing mecca, that is Thurso. makes the wave perfect? For me, I
:14:31. > :14:36.like a 6 ft wave with a steep face, a long-running war and a bit of
:14:36. > :14:40.variety. And that is what you get here? Yes. One of the things that
:14:40. > :14:45.makes it so good for waves is its location. Waves are created when
:14:45. > :14:48.the wind blows across the surface of the ocean. The waves that reach
:14:48. > :14:52.the first so start hundreds of miles away out in the North
:14:52. > :14:59.Atlantic Ocean, with great big storms. That is one of the reasons
:14:59. > :15:04.why they are so good. It is clear ocean the whole way. At their peak,
:15:04. > :15:09.they can reach heights of 20 feet. But what is actually going on out
:15:09. > :15:13.at sea before they reached the beach? You might think it is just a
:15:13. > :15:17.moving mound of water. That is what it looks like. So if I was to take
:15:17. > :15:25.his boat and put it in the water, it would surf all away to the end
:15:25. > :15:29.of the tank. Right? But that is not what happens. It just goes up and
:15:29. > :15:35.down. And that is the same for the water molecules in the wave. They
:15:35. > :15:39.are not moving forwards so much as just going up and down. In fact,
:15:39. > :15:44.the only thing moving forward with the wave is the energy, the energy
:15:44. > :15:51.that powers the complex motion of billions of water molecules. The
:15:51. > :15:54.moving Mounds of water are just an illusion. But when the waves
:15:54. > :15:58.approach the shoreline, their behaviour changes. As the water
:15:58. > :16:05.becomes more shallow, the bottom of the wave travels more slowly than
:16:05. > :16:10.the top, making the waves curl and break. Exactly how it breaks
:16:10. > :16:14.depends on the shape of the sea bed. The reason that the waves break so
:16:14. > :16:19.perfectly here is that underneath the water is a smooth, sloping
:16:19. > :16:23.sheet of rock. We have waves coming from the north-west and at certain
:16:23. > :16:26.points on the coast line you get a reef like this, dipping to the sea
:16:26. > :16:31.at the right angle and the right direction to make a perfect wave
:16:31. > :16:35.for surfing, which can break out at the point and can peel along the
:16:35. > :16:41.rocker very slowly. At high tide, when the waves are here, where are
:16:41. > :16:46.they? This is low tide. When the tide moves up, the waves are
:16:46. > :16:51.breaking right where we are standing. What depth are we
:16:51. > :16:59.talking? It is about six feet deep here, with the wave breaking on top
:16:59. > :17:02.of your head. Thurso's location means that it gets powerful swell
:17:03. > :17:07.generated by Ocean storms hundreds of miles away and its underwater of
:17:07. > :17:11.reef reaches into the sea at just the right angle. It has all the
:17:11. > :17:19.ingredients for the perfect wave, just not today. Where are the
:17:19. > :17:22.waves? Bring them on! He has got the hair for it. You are
:17:23. > :17:27.joining Mock The Week when it comes back tonight on BBC Two, as a
:17:27. > :17:32.permanent face. We have a picture of the original line-up. Andy
:17:32. > :17:37.Parsons, Hugh Dennis and Dara O'Briain. And here is the line-up
:17:37. > :17:45.now. The question we are asking is, where were you hiding, because that
:17:45. > :17:49.is the first one and that is the second one. Are you an optician? I
:17:49. > :17:54.was hiding behind Dara. He is quite big and I am fairly slender. That
:17:54. > :18:00.is how we get into the cinema together. I have been on the show
:18:00. > :18:05.for eight series but I have been behind him! On Mock The Week, we
:18:05. > :18:11.had a debate earlier, how much do you really improvise? How much do
:18:11. > :18:15.we improvise? Everyone has seen the news. You think about the news and
:18:15. > :18:19.you have ideas coming into your head. But the best bits are always
:18:19. > :18:22.the bits where something happens in the room and one of us says
:18:22. > :18:27.something and somebody builds on that and it goes back and forth and
:18:27. > :18:31.everybody chips in. The best thing last series was when Dara foolishly
:18:31. > :18:36.brought in an article from an Irish newspaper about how people with
:18:36. > :18:41.large heads are less likely to suffer from Alzheimer's. Using him
:18:41. > :18:45.as an example of someone with a big head. He expected sympathy and he
:18:45. > :18:48.got six lines of put down and then he gave us a massive slam dunk of a
:18:48. > :18:52.put-down at the end. That is the best kind of thing, when something
:18:52. > :18:59.starts to take off in the room. It is the improvised bits that make
:18:59. > :19:06.the show. This is actually from tonight's show. This is you having
:19:06. > :19:10.a joke on the wife situation. the local news there was this girl
:19:10. > :19:14.who said, I heard they were going to smash Primark, so I went to have
:19:14. > :19:24.a look. I only went to have a look but I did not going because I am
:19:24. > :19:28.banned from Primark. That is what we need, law abiding looters.
:19:28. > :19:36.well as Mock The Week, you have a new tour starting in November. Had
:19:36. > :19:40.you written it? No, leave me alone! Yes, I have started writing it. I
:19:40. > :19:44.did the first new material last week. This is the terrifying bit.
:19:44. > :19:48.People always say, I do not know how you stand on stage. That is
:19:48. > :19:53.easy. The hard bit is sitting there going, what am I going to talk
:19:53. > :20:00.about? Sometimes I see the posters of my show. You have to get it
:20:00. > :20:06.sorted out ages in advance. I see the poster and I think, shut up!
:20:06. > :20:11.Where do you start? I always do exactly the same thing. I sit in my
:20:11. > :20:16.shed, my office at the bottom of my garden. I go, what is funny, leaves,
:20:16. > :20:20.gardens? But you read the paper and as soon as you know you have to
:20:20. > :20:26.make jokes about something, you start to go, is this funny? Why
:20:26. > :20:33.would this be funny? You get into the mentality. You have a new show,
:20:33. > :20:42.Show & Tell, when people bring things in. I brought this in today.
:20:42. > :20:48.Today was my little boy's first day at school. And this is his. So just
:20:48. > :20:54.before he went in, you went, I will be needing that! He went in wearing
:20:54. > :21:01.a clip on one today. Did you take a photo? It is his first day at
:21:01. > :21:04.school and he is wearing this! Is it a posh school? Before I dropped
:21:04. > :21:12.him off at school, I went to see David Walliams and offer him some
:21:12. > :21:18.words of encouragement at the River Thames in Oxfordshire. He is coming
:21:18. > :21:23.over. I don't want to break the rhythm. Give me a kiss, you naughty
:21:23. > :21:27.boy. You are just incredible. What is going through your mind and how
:21:27. > :21:31.are you feeling? Yesterday was really tough because I had a
:21:31. > :21:35.stomach bug. There is one thing you do not want to do when you're
:21:35. > :21:40.feeling sick, and that is to swim. Are you joining us for lunch?
:21:40. > :21:46.I will need a bit of a rub down because I am very sore. There he
:21:46. > :21:51.goes, straight back into it. I have done you bangers and mash. In your
:21:51. > :21:55.own mind, do you think you're going to do it? Maybe not by Monday, but
:21:55. > :21:59.at some point in the next decade. Is it harder than you thought?
:21:59. > :22:02.is hard to keep your head together because as soon as you think, it is
:22:03. > :22:08.cold, I am tired, I want to get out, you are letting your mind rule
:22:08. > :22:12.everything. You have to work in quite a lot of pain. In that action,
:22:12. > :22:19.thousands and thousands of times a day, for eight days straight, it is
:22:19. > :22:29.really tough. I have to give you a massage before we go. You have a
:22:29. > :22:29.
:22:29. > :22:34.lovely touch! I have dreamed of this moment!
:22:34. > :22:39.You were having a bit of a moment with him there. A massage, a kiss
:22:39. > :22:47.on the lips. There is not going to be a late night repeat with a
:22:47. > :22:53.little bit more for the ladies! Let's get back to the serious thing
:22:53. > :22:56.of raising money. David has raised �357,000 so far but he still needs
:22:56. > :23:01.your help. There is a text number on the website to donate and it
:23:01. > :23:05.could not be easier. We also want messages of support to give to him
:23:05. > :23:10.on Monday when he comes in. Send them to us and we will pass them on.
:23:10. > :23:13.When I heard that our photographer Jimmy Crawford was trying to take
:23:13. > :23:21.photos of birds having a bath, I thought we would have to get Dom
:23:21. > :23:25.Littlewood to sort him out. Don't worry, it is not what you think!
:23:25. > :23:30.British gardens are full of sites to lift the heart, and few more so
:23:30. > :23:34.than the Blur and splash of birds taking a bath. Most birds baith to
:23:34. > :23:38.help keep feathers in tip-top condition. The problem is, you
:23:38. > :23:43.cannot normally see the detail of what is actually happening because
:23:43. > :23:48.it is so fast and blurred. So today I am hoping to catch birds bathing
:23:48. > :23:52.in all their glory with high-speed photography. As most garden birds
:23:52. > :24:02.are small and nippy, I'm going to get my eye Ian with a much bigger
:24:02. > :24:05.
:24:05. > :24:08.and hope for the Co-operative I am using a shutter speed of about
:24:08. > :24:12.eight hundredths of a second which should show the tiny drops of water
:24:12. > :24:21.without blurring. A little bit over exposed but we do have a shaking
:24:21. > :24:25.dog. English summer. Lovely! I am reasonably pleased with the shots,
:24:25. > :24:33.but birds will be a very different ball game. I am going to need some
:24:33. > :24:37.help. And better weather! Perfect. Kim Taylor has helped me with
:24:37. > :24:44.several fantastic photos in the past, and in his front garden he
:24:45. > :24:49.has everything I need. This is a clever flash system which means
:24:49. > :24:55.that the action is shot at a minute 10 thousandth of a second, very
:24:55. > :24:59.artfully. If you just use one or two flash heads, you get hard
:25:00. > :25:06.shadows. The idea here is that we have four, so we get an impression
:25:06. > :25:10.of natural lighting. Can I burst of a few photos one after the other?
:25:10. > :25:13.Unfortunately not, because the flash takes six seconds to recycle.
:25:13. > :25:18.You have to choose your moment, take your shot and then wait before
:25:18. > :25:22.you can do another one. photography side is understandable.
:25:22. > :25:26.We have a lot of flashers ready because it is very fast action. I
:25:26. > :25:29.am going to be hidden behind a screen waiting for it to kick-off.
:25:29. > :25:34.When the birds fly down, test the temperature of the water, it is
:25:34. > :25:39.nice and warm, I think I do have a bath, they splash, I hit fire, and
:25:39. > :25:43.the flashes go off and we have an amazing photo. At least, that is
:25:43. > :25:48.the theory! Birds tend to use bird baths after a dry spell. Given the
:25:48. > :25:58.weather, it could be tricky. I am hoping we might get some fledgling
:25:58. > :25:58.
:25:58. > :26:03.blue tits, some chaffinch, some siskins maybe. Who knows? For the
:26:03. > :26:13.first hour, any birds are just drinking. But even that is
:26:13. > :26:17.
:26:17. > :26:26.difficult. They are easily spooked, so I need to be quick. Splash,
:26:26. > :26:35.splash in the water. Nice detail on the water, but for the next three
:26:35. > :26:45.hours, at nothing. In spite of all this technology, it is really
:26:45. > :27:14.
:27:14. > :27:20.Yes! Yes! Yes! Result! Result. I waited for a long time, about 4 1/2
:27:20. > :27:24.hours. Your flash system delivered fantastically well. It is a really
:27:24. > :27:30.nice shot. You can see he is flicking the water up with his
:27:30. > :27:35.wings and you can see every drop coming off. Beautiful. We now have
:27:35. > :27:39.some fantastic photographs of birds bathing.
:27:39. > :27:44.In honour of Mock The Week, returning to BBC Two tonight with
:27:44. > :27:49.Chris as a permanent face, we have a little game of our own. Yes, it
:27:49. > :27:54.is time for Mock The One Show. We asked for jokes based on today's
:27:54. > :28:02.show. Chris, do you have your laughter and booing at the ready?
:28:03. > :28:07.What is the first topic? The first topic is the gym. I saw a man lying
:28:07. > :28:17.on the floor in the gym and he was kissing a shrimp. I said, what are
:28:17. > :28:17.
:28:17. > :28:23.you doing? He said, I have pulled a muscle. I went to my local gym to
:28:23. > :28:33.sign up for yoga class. They asked me, how flexible are you? I replied,
:28:33. > :28:35.
:28:35. > :28:39.I can't make Tuesday's. The new topic is birds. A dog walks into a
:28:39. > :28:49.pharmacy. He buys a chap stick. Visas to the clerk, will that be
:28:49. > :28:50.
:28:50. > :28:54.cash or change? He says, just put it on my bill. The seaside.
:28:54. > :29:04.You would hear from the fray while, I am being investigated for
:29:04. > :29:09.
:29:09. > :29:13.stealing seaside inflatables. I got a lilo. I've got to lie low!