09/03/2016

:00:16. > :00:18.Hello and welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker.

:00:19. > :00:22.And my girl Wednesday tonight - as Alex is on her third day at sea -

:00:23. > :00:38.APPLAUSE. Aaron Trippick sailor. I cannot even do the car ferry.

:00:39. > :00:41.And we apologise if your school dinner wasn't up to its usual

:00:42. > :00:44.standard today - that's because your school chef might be

:00:45. > :00:48.We've got the 10 finalists in School Chef of the Year 2016 -

:00:49. > :00:50.one of whom will be crowned champion tomorrow.

:00:51. > :00:59.Tonight's guests have also risen to the top of their game -

:01:00. > :01:03.they might not be able to make jam roly poly for 200 children,

:01:04. > :01:10.but they do know how to make us laugh.

:01:11. > :01:17.Their material sometimes slots together perfectly. I am a city boy

:01:18. > :01:23.myself. The countryside makes me nervous. It has not got a roof on

:01:24. > :01:29.it. I am not massively suited to country living. I hate people who

:01:30. > :01:35.are authorities of about country matters. Know the names of all the

:01:36. > :01:43.plans and stuff like that. Yes, this is Richard Meade broomstick route

:01:44. > :01:47.Hazel. I drove along a lovely country lane and saw white marquee

:01:48. > :01:51.tent. Instead of thinking somebody was having a lovely summer party, I

:01:52. > :01:52.just thought, someone has been murdered!

:01:53. > :02:08.APPLAUSE. We are in for a good hour tonight.

:02:09. > :02:12.You are both top of your comedy tree. When you were young one of you

:02:13. > :02:20.wanted to be a dictator and one of you wanted to be a stripper. How can

:02:21. > :02:27.you work out which? Sarah, dictator? I just thought stripping was nice

:02:28. > :02:34.lady dancing. I was good at dancing. You cannot do GCSE stripping. It was

:02:35. > :02:41.not for me. It is not just dancing. This whole dictator ship... When I

:02:42. > :02:49.was a kid, I used to draw my ideas. I had a republic and I drew the flag

:02:50. > :02:56.and it had me as the president. I used to draw all the buildings. My

:02:57. > :03:03.parents were in the Communist Party. That is where the idea of dictator

:03:04. > :03:10.ship came. Easy, Jimmy! We were having a chat area and Zoe

:03:11. > :03:15.said you two had met before. That is where the conversation ended. Yes,

:03:16. > :03:21.in a former life. I apparently pretended to remember. I was on the

:03:22. > :03:25.big breakfast before I did stand up. I was part of this youth TV

:03:26. > :03:31.programme where we had to make up a story about having been sort of

:03:32. > :03:34.hypnotised and it has gone wrong. We were supposed to get the story in

:03:35. > :03:40.the local papers and it went in all the tabloids. I guess I was good at

:03:41. > :03:48.lying! The big breakfast said, do you want to come on and come clean?

:03:49. > :03:54.The next time I saw you, you said, I remember. Of course you didn't! I

:03:55. > :04:02.don't remember anything from the 1990s. People constantly fill me in.

:04:03. > :04:08.Let's talk about Alex. The weather that hit Britain yesterday was

:04:09. > :04:10.awful. The plan today was basically to sail along the south coast.

:04:11. > :04:13.But as the Falmouth coastguard issued a warning saying that gale

:04:14. > :04:17.force 10 winds were expected across the English Channel,

:04:18. > :04:19.and continuing could have lead to them running aground

:04:20. > :04:23.with catastrophic consequences, they have had to dock in Plymouth.

:04:24. > :04:25.It's not often that the coastguard broadcasts a warning like this,

:04:26. > :04:30.so the team docked about midnight last night.

:04:31. > :04:39.We can see what the wind did on land. The roof off the supermarket.

:04:40. > :04:41.Blowing over lorries. Taking down trees. You can imagine a bolt on the

:04:42. > :04:47.EC that would have been terrible. We'll catch up with all

:04:48. > :04:49.the drama soon and - hopefully - have a word

:04:50. > :04:52.with Alex live a bit later. For 20 years, the town of Dunblane

:04:53. > :04:55.has lived under the shadow of the tragic school shooting that

:04:56. > :04:58.shook the community to its core. At the time many of those affected

:04:59. > :05:01.were too young to make sense of the experience -

:05:02. > :05:04.but now they can finally put those feelings into words,

:05:05. > :05:05.helping them come to terms The following testimonies come

:05:06. > :05:10.from an unmissable documentary to be shown later tonight -

:05:11. > :05:25.and they pack quite Word is coming in that one person is

:05:26. > :05:31.dead and several people have been injured after a shooting incident at

:05:32. > :05:43.Don blamed primary school. I think I am calling it the

:05:44. > :05:46.shootings because I was shot. We were skipping around the

:05:47. > :05:51.gymnasium hall. I do not remember the pain of being shot. I do not

:05:52. > :05:55.remember the noises, I do not remember the sounds. I remember my

:05:56. > :06:02.leg turn into jelly and falling to the floor. And then dragging myself

:06:03. > :06:08.through the -- to the gym covered, were other people.

:06:09. > :06:15.There were lots of mothers running towards the school. And a friend

:06:16. > :06:18.shouted across the street to me that there was a gunman in the primary

:06:19. > :06:22.school. We know there are a number of

:06:23. > :06:26.fatalities. David phoned and said there had been

:06:27. > :06:36.an incident at the school. I said, right. He said there had been a

:06:37. > :06:40.shooting. The police officer could not use the

:06:41. > :06:46.word death or deceased. I think he just said casualty or victim. He

:06:47. > :06:52.could not bring himself to say, your child is dead.

:06:53. > :06:57.The surgeon who operated on Matthew. The first thing he said to us was,

:06:58. > :07:03.you are Bay of Fundy you are Steve. And Matthew has a little sister and

:07:04. > :07:08.his favourite food is baked beans. -- you are Beverley. We knew he had

:07:09. > :07:16.not been shot so seriously that he could not talk.

:07:17. > :07:20.I was in there for six weeks. I had no interest in the Queen. I was

:07:21. > :07:24.wanting to look at the pictures in my magazine rather than the Queen at

:07:25. > :07:29.the end of my bed. Matthew, as he came out of intensive

:07:30. > :07:39.care, was very quiet. He did not really talk very much.

:07:40. > :07:43.Ready our not, in here I come! You have huge guilt about the fact

:07:44. > :07:47.you still have your son and others have not got theirs.

:07:48. > :07:56.I am angry that I do not have my sister now. I should have grown up

:07:57. > :08:00.with this girl. We should have been kind of laughing in the sunshine

:08:01. > :08:04.together. I do not have any memories of her at

:08:05. > :08:12.all. I was only three months old when she was killed. I do wish that

:08:13. > :08:17.I had had a sister. These are the facts I know about my

:08:18. > :08:22.sister. She is an artist, architect, a scientist and a gospel singer.

:08:23. > :08:27.She is training to be a vet. I can sit here say my sister would run a

:08:28. > :08:32.charity but that might not be true. We might have fallen out. We might

:08:33. > :08:38.not get on. I do not know these facts about my

:08:39. > :08:41.sister. With me comes the background baggage of a crime scene that put me

:08:42. > :08:51.on the map and I never want to say I am too afraid to say Dunblane.

:08:52. > :08:56.I've got scarring on my leg on both sides. The doctors suggested that

:08:57. > :09:03.maybe I would want skin grafts. To me it was not an option. These are

:09:04. > :09:06.my scars, they are on my body, it is my story, I am not ashamed of them.

:09:07. > :09:13.It is part of UK history now, unfortunately. We still had to power

:09:14. > :09:24.on and push on with our lives. It is important that we are doing it well.

:09:25. > :09:27.Catherine's incredible speech, absolutely beautiful. Is an

:09:28. > :09:29.incredibly moving documentary. You can see the full documentary,

:09:30. > :09:31.Dunblane: Our Story, Now Sarah, the last time we saw you,

:09:32. > :09:50.you were off on your Homebird Tour. This posh lady was very dramatic in

:09:51. > :09:54.all of gestures. She said to me that there was underfloor heating

:09:55. > :10:00.throughout. I said that does not impress me love, I have got

:10:01. > :10:05.slippers! Then as if to hammer it home she said, there is not a single

:10:06. > :10:09.radiator in the whole building. And I, though sometimes my mouth kicks

:10:10. > :10:15.in, said, how do you dry your knickers then? The friend that I was

:10:16. > :10:22.with said, just chuck them on the floor!

:10:23. > :10:26.Such a good point. I loved that. This time I suppose you are probably

:10:27. > :10:33.gathering yourself, preparing yourself to go on stage. Do you have

:10:34. > :10:39.rituals? Do you get nervous? I think it is healthy to be nervous. I still

:10:40. > :10:47.have little things I do. I have to have 74 last weeks. I have to pick

:10:48. > :10:57.the dress that is the least creased. I do not iron. I do eat before I go

:10:58. > :10:59.on stage. I cannot come on name-macro without having a super.

:11:00. > :11:14.-- name-macro. -- name-macro. It is the sandwich platter you leave

:11:15. > :11:17.your room. You have got to eat it. We have got an adorable photograph

:11:18. > :11:27.of the inspiration behind the new two, outsider. Here he is. This

:11:28. > :11:33.little chap. Introduce him. He is called Commander Tuvok. All of our

:11:34. > :11:37.pets have ranks. We are officially the best people in the world of

:11:38. > :11:42.naming animals. The show is not just about him. He has made me go

:11:43. > :11:47.outside. Outside was just between the car and the house but now I

:11:48. > :11:54.actually walk around on grass and stuff. I have got quite heavy

:11:55. > :12:04.trainers. I wear Wellington is quite a lot. I realised I was stepping

:12:05. > :12:11.over puddles. It is a lot of fun. But they need emptying a lot. At

:12:12. > :12:15.random hours because of your schedule? Yes, he has got a comic

:12:16. > :12:21.body clock. He goes to the toilet the last time at about two in the

:12:22. > :12:32.morning. But then he sleeps until 11. He is smashing! Much easier than

:12:33. > :12:37.a baby. Yes and cuter. Do you miss touring, Alexey? Yes, I do different

:12:38. > :12:42.tours. I do mostly literary festivals. That is great. You are

:12:43. > :12:49.not going to get somebody drunk and screaming at you at the Cheltenham

:12:50. > :12:59.book Festival. Salman Rushdie is in again! Your wife used to be your

:13:00. > :13:07.bouncer. Yes, she was chief of security. We were talking to Sarah

:13:08. > :13:12.before about how I invented everything and how she owes me

:13:13. > :13:17.money. But we were doing everything for the first time. Security was one

:13:18. > :13:21.of those things. If some he was being abstract as you could not hold

:13:22. > :13:25.a note. What Linda realised was they would always need to go to the

:13:26. > :13:35.toilet. And then she would not let them back in. -- obstreperous. Linda

:13:36. > :13:38.would go on the toilet... That is really what would happen! They were

:13:39. > :13:45.enjoying themselves in their own way. I have been to your shows and

:13:46. > :13:51.people do get fruity and shared things out. You do encourage it?

:13:52. > :13:56.Yes, but not all the time. If I ask a question I ask them to join in. I

:13:57. > :14:01.ask them what the best thing is they have seen in nature and they showed

:14:02. > :14:05.out various suggestions. But not all the time. Hopefully they are

:14:06. > :14:10.listening to the show. Fridays people more confident. Do you

:14:11. > :14:16.remember any of the things they have shouted out about nature? Yes, we

:14:17. > :14:20.have had some rude ones. Mostly people start bragging they have been

:14:21. > :14:24.on holidays somewhere posh. Somebody once said in London that they had

:14:25. > :14:32.seen a badger eating a kebab. That is quite nice. It was out in the

:14:33. > :14:35.street. Sarah's tour troubles run the

:14:36. > :14:38.country until the end of September. Alexi was part of the alternative

:14:39. > :14:41.comedy revolution in the 1980s, which led to stars like Sarah

:14:42. > :14:47.being able to hit the big time. But even before that,

:14:48. > :14:53.a group of fantastically funny people came together

:14:54. > :14:55.to change the face of comedy. Here's Alistair McGowan

:14:56. > :14:58.on the classic satirical show that's still throwing up some

:14:59. > :15:12.surprises today. Great-great-great-grandfather.

:15:13. > :15:15.In 1966 a new sketch show arrived on British television screens. I look

:15:16. > :15:20.down on him, because I am upper class.

:15:21. > :15:27.I look up to him, because he is upper class. I look down on him

:15:28. > :15:35.because he is lower class. I am middle class. I know my place.

:15:36. > :15:38.The class sketch is what many people best remember about The Frost

:15:39. > :15:43.Report. The show's sketches have seen it go down in TV history as a

:15:44. > :15:49.great. It launched the careers of a large number of our best-loved

:15:50. > :15:52.comedy stars. It fared the two Ronnie, gave John Cleese his big

:15:53. > :15:57.break. And many of the writers would go on

:15:58. > :16:03.to form Monty Python. The writing team also included Barry

:16:04. > :16:06.Cryer, and Bill Oddie. And the team would meet in this

:16:07. > :16:11.church haul in Central London to see the cast bring their sketches to

:16:12. > :16:14.life. You had Ronnie Corbett and Barker,

:16:15. > :16:19.could you see they were going to come together? We No noticed

:16:20. > :16:25.something, there was a sketch set in a police station. Good morning. The

:16:26. > :16:31.first thing the Two Ronnies did together was that, oh boy, these

:16:32. > :16:34.two. David Frost collated this extraordinary team of talent. He was

:16:35. > :16:39.great with people. The entrepreneurial thing he has, that

:16:40. > :16:46.was great. A great gift. He is like a football manager in a way. You get

:16:47. > :16:51.a team, build it up and these various players are so good they get

:16:52. > :16:54.transferred. The top team went on the big things with Barry writing

:16:55. > :16:59.for more come and wise and Bill with the goodies and the audience wasn't

:17:00. > :17:05.just mad about the boys. Leading cast member Sheila became one of

:17:06. > :17:10.Britain's pioneer funny women. The show went out live, it have been

:17:11. > :17:18.terrifying Very. John Cleese was the worst. He was a shaking massive

:17:19. > :17:23.jelly. We all were, in you mentioned it you could fall apart. Was a

:17:24. > :17:27.fairly male dominated industry? Yes, certainly. There aren't that many

:17:28. > :17:31.sketches written for women. That is another thing that The Frost Report

:17:32. > :17:37.gave us. Yes. Some of the sketches were some of the best.

:17:38. > :17:49.Do you want a bit of fun? Yes. Yes, I do. Right. The Frost Report was an

:17:50. > :17:53.instant hit but TV bosses at time never imagined that viewers would

:17:54. > :17:59.want repeats. So many of the original episodes were recorded over

:18:00. > :18:06.and lost forever. But in recent years TV expert Dick Fiddy has been

:18:07. > :18:10.establishing an archive where people can send in home recorded material

:18:11. > :18:15.of shows that have been lost. We have a special surprise for a man

:18:16. > :18:20.who got his break writing for The Frost Report. Michael Palin. The

:18:21. > :18:25.reason we brought you here is that all the second series from 1967 has

:18:26. > :18:28.been rediscovered on audio, so we are going to play you something that

:18:29. > :18:33.hasn't been heard for almost 50 years. Oh dear, I may just

:18:34. > :18:39.disappear. It could be the end of your career. Yes. I have called you

:18:40. > :18:44.here today to explain what may seem at fest glance a controversial

:18:45. > :18:49.decision, I refer to decision to strengthen the initial strike force

:18:50. > :18:53.of Fighter Command with the purchase of 43 electric toasters.

:18:54. > :19:00.Unfortunately we don't know the effect a large-scale toaster attack

:19:01. > :19:03.would have on the enemy. Let me tell you this, toast will outbutt without

:19:04. > :19:07.butter or marmalade can be unpleasant.

:19:08. > :19:13.Are you pleasantly surprised that stands up to the test of time? Yes,

:19:14. > :19:17.it wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it might be. Ronnie was

:19:18. > :19:23.brilliant. That is what makes it so funny, his delivery. Surviving

:19:24. > :19:26.episodes of The Frost Report remain legendary, but its greatest legacy

:19:27. > :19:31.it launched a new generation of comedy heroes.

:19:32. > :19:36.I am glad they found something. Isn't it wonderful. If you have

:19:37. > :19:40.anything in the attack get in contact. Dick would love to add that

:19:41. > :19:45.to the collection. During that you said you hated most things but you

:19:46. > :19:51.did mind The Frost Report. No, I thought it was... I gave it my seal

:19:52. > :19:55.of approval, even though I was probably only nine at the time. I

:19:56. > :19:59.mean, it was, realised this was before I was a comic, it was an

:20:00. > :20:04.interest cross overings there was Ronnie Barker but there was

:20:05. > :20:09.Oxbridge, that footlights crowd, that was an interest chemistry teen

:20:10. > :20:15.them. When Thatcher came to power you were at the mic at the first

:20:16. > :20:19.Comedy Store, I mean, and really you, we said you invented this

:20:20. > :20:24.alternative comedy, did it feel what you were doing was ground-breaking?

:20:25. > :20:29.I did. In all fairness we were lucky, there was a terrible vacuum,

:20:30. > :20:34.there was working mens' club comics and that is all there was, doing

:20:35. > :20:38.jokes about the mother-in-law and Pakistani, there was a massive hole

:20:39. > :20:40.we could fill and so you said, you said anything the least bit

:20:41. > :20:45.intelligent and people would laugh their heads off. We got away with

:20:46. > :20:50.some rubbish just, you would say habitat and they would go argh! Just

:20:51. > :20:56.because you weren't talking about the wife's mother. So, but

:20:57. > :21:01.politically it was such a, you know powerful time, the Thatcher was this

:21:02. > :21:05.huge, I mean The Comedy Store, and Thatcher both came to power in the

:21:06. > :21:10.same months as it were. Thatcher was this huge ogre and so, you know, and

:21:11. > :21:14.half the country loved her and half the country hated her. So it was

:21:15. > :21:19.just, you know, it wast just a massive opportunity to lay into her

:21:20. > :21:24.really. The start of that for you was your wife Linda seeing a tiny

:21:25. > :21:30.advert in Private Eye, asking for an MC, which I guess changed the curse

:21:31. > :21:37.of your life. End -- did end -- it did. Linda saw it. Yes, I went along

:21:38. > :21:41.and auditioned, and I mean, people won't understand because comedy is a

:21:42. > :21:45.huge business, there were no comedy clubs in Britain, and the people

:21:46. > :21:50.that they had or auditions there, when I went in, like it says in

:21:51. > :21:56.Thatcher Stole My Trousers, I mean, the I went in there and the act they

:21:57. > :22:02.were auditioning was a woman and she had all like irons and stuff, like,

:22:03. > :22:08.kitchen utensils hanging off her and she was singing I'm only a bird in a

:22:09. > :22:13.gilded cage. She wasn't the worst, not anywhere near the worst person.

:22:14. > :22:18.So when I turned up and half way sane they were so relieved. Because

:22:19. > :22:25.it started at midnight it was in a strip club, and it was just wild and

:22:26. > :22:30.so I just used, forced a personality and intimidation to keep people in

:22:31. > :22:33.line. It was my proud boast all the time I was at The Comedy Store the

:22:34. > :22:41.police were never called a. Is that true? What an accolade. Lots

:22:42. > :22:47.of comedians came through there, one of whom Robin Williams turns up. .

:22:48. > :22:53.He has been filming Popeye, you knew who he was, a lot of people might

:22:54. > :22:57.not have known who he was. I think he must have he must have asked a

:22:58. > :23:02.particularly hip taxi driver, because most taxi driver, he said

:23:03. > :23:07.take my to a comedy club, thinking London was like San Francisco, and

:23:08. > :23:14.most taxi drivers would have taken him to the Circus Tavern he would

:23:15. > :23:16.have been on ng London was like San Francisco, and most taxi drivers

:23:17. > :23:18.would have taken him to the Circus Tavern he would have been on with

:23:19. > :23:20.Jim Davidson, saying "My mother-in-law the Pakistani." Robben

:23:21. > :23:25.would have died but the cabbie took him to The Comedy Store. He went on,

:23:26. > :23:29.you know, that night, and he did like 45 minutes. As I say in the

:23:30. > :23:33.book, it is like being pushed down the staffs laughing. It was

:23:34. > :23:36.extraordinary. Have you been Sarah? Do you go up on stage, do you feel

:23:37. > :23:40.attracted to that kind of environment with your stand up

:23:41. > :23:45.still? I try all of my before it goes on tour, I try it out in

:23:46. > :23:50.smaller gig, you have to, you can't take your own wore for it is is

:23:51. > :23:53.hilarious. Everything I say I think is hilarious. I have to try on

:23:54. > :23:58.audience, I love all that sort of stuff. I play The Comedy Store a few

:23:59. > :24:03.times when I was on the circuit. It was brilliant place and you are

:24:04. > :24:09.surrounded by awesome comics and it made you raise your game. Through

:24:10. > :24:16.the comedy club came aided must be son, Rik Mayall. You went on to do

:24:17. > :24:22.one of my favourite show, I used to have to go to bed before it

:24:23. > :24:27.finished. The Young Ones, you played the Balowski brothers. The family.

:24:28. > :24:32.What was the guy with the long name, my favourite. That is putting you on

:24:33. > :24:37.the spot. It's a bit of my stand up when I talk about being called

:24:38. > :24:45.Alexei, being called Alexei in 1950s Liverpool, you know, when everybody

:24:46. > :24:53.was called like Steve. You know. I was called like Alexei, my

:24:54. > :24:59.parents... Stalingrad, glorious five year plan, Moscow dynamo. Amazing.

:25:00. > :25:04.You must have been such an incredible family. We were

:25:05. > :25:07.incredibly close. We went on holiday together and stuff. We went on a

:25:08. > :25:12.skiing holiday, that was hilarious in itself. We were great friends, we

:25:13. > :25:18.made each other, we made each other laugh. That was the real joy of it

:25:19. > :25:23.really, like being on the tour bus, or being backstage. They were all

:25:24. > :25:25.such funny people. It is all documented in this wonderful book,

:25:26. > :25:32.to us -- Thatcher Stole My Trousers. It is out tomorrow. Yes. Brilliant.

:25:33. > :25:37.A new BBC series starts tomorrow which turns Who Do You Think You

:25:38. > :25:41.Are? On its head. The secret his -- The Secret History of My Family. It

:25:42. > :25:46.starts with a Victorian family and sets out to find their present day

:25:47. > :25:50.descendants. It begins with a trio of pick pocketing sisters. You

:25:51. > :25:56.remember there was a third sister in the gang called Mary an. She got

:25:57. > :26:00.caught in the haberdashery shop, stuffing material up her bloomers.

:26:01. > :26:06.That is how she got sent the Old Bailey. She got six months for doing

:26:07. > :26:11.that. But prison straightenped her out. And after that, she went

:26:12. > :26:18.straight. She got married and settled down. She never ever got

:26:19. > :26:21.another conviction, and she was never transported.

:26:22. > :26:27.Her daughter stayed in East London. So did her kids, so did theirs. We

:26:28. > :26:35.all stayed. Loved our families and kept on the right side of the law.

:26:36. > :26:40.In fact I grew up up less than a mile from Shoreditch, where the

:26:41. > :26:45.Gadbury girls lived. It is fascinating. We are joined by

:26:46. > :26:50.Joe who created the series and Pat and Robert who with saw from

:26:51. > :26:54.tonight's episode. Welcome. So tomorrow night, where did the idea

:26:55. > :26:58.come from? You know, it was, we started with a series of meetings

:26:59. > :27:02.between these lady and gentlemen visitors who used to go on the

:27:03. > :27:05.expeditions in the Victorian times into the slums, and they would say

:27:06. > :27:09.we are going into the dark continent of working class Britain. When they

:27:10. > :27:14.got into the slums they would meet these families of slum dwellers,

:27:15. > :27:19.obviously. Don't ask me why, we would have meetings between the

:27:20. > :27:23.toffs and the slum dweller, we decided we were going to forward

:27:24. > :27:30.trace both sets of families. There the challenge. Took, 200 years of

:27:31. > :27:34.history. It took nearly 200 years, it took two years to research it. We

:27:35. > :27:39.ground our way forward and ended up with the living descendants. So what

:27:40. > :27:45.did you know about your family history beforehand? Nothing really.

:27:46. > :27:52.I knew about my nan and grandad. I knew he was sort of, a deserter from

:27:53. > :27:57.the army, and he but he was, he was shellshocked. This is why it was. I

:27:58. > :28:02.knew my nan used to be in the work house and he got her out of the work

:28:03. > :28:06.house, that is all we really knew. Didn't know nothing else about the

:28:07. > :28:11.Gadbury sisters or nothing. We need to talk about the sister, Joe comes

:28:12. > :28:17.along and starts rummages in your past. Who were they? They were three

:28:18. > :28:21.girls from Shoreditch in the heart, then of the London's criminal

:28:22. > :28:24.underworld, and they ran a sophisticated gang of pick pockets,

:28:25. > :28:28.that I were so sophisticated they had a legal fund they used to chip

:28:29. > :28:32.into for lawyers when one got nicked.

:28:33. > :28:37.Two went a bit too far and ended up getting transported and the fist one

:28:38. > :28:42.was 16 when she got transported to Australia, left her family forever.

:28:43. > :28:48.No postal service, never saw them again, but her descendant, she

:28:49. > :28:52.became successful an so did her descendant, I have met some of them.

:28:53. > :28:55.There are two Supreme Court judges and a reforming political leader and

:28:56. > :29:02.politicians and barristers, they are a very sort of highly achieving

:29:03. > :29:06.family in Australia. There was a third sister Mary-Ann who saw them

:29:07. > :29:12.getting transported and she thought I don't fancy that, she straightened

:29:13. > :29:17.out. Went straight, settled down, stayed in East London for 200 year,

:29:18. > :29:23.moved about a mile, until we got to these two. That is where you come

:29:24. > :29:29.in. What did you make then, of this shady past? If she didn't make that

:29:30. > :29:32.the decision to go straight I wouldn't have been with the wife and

:29:33. > :29:37.we wouldn't have had this history. There would have been no wife, no

:29:38. > :29:43.grandchildren, so I think it is brilliant like. What is fascinating

:29:44. > :29:49.this is a snapshot into every family has these moments, where things were

:29:50. > :29:53.going on. We would research some long dead historical figure for

:29:54. > :29:57.months on end and finally knock-on someone's door, and one of their

:29:58. > :30:00.living descendants and be confronted with people who seem really similar

:30:01. > :30:05.to the person we are learning about from the past. Someone called it

:30:06. > :30:08.ghosts in the nursery which is this idea when people start to have kids,

:30:09. > :30:12.they revert back to being their mums and dad, you don't realise their

:30:13. > :30:15.mums did the same and their mums did the same. We are all connected

:30:16. > :30:22.through this vast long train back to people in our past.

:30:23. > :30:28.What did it teach you about social mobility, the differences between

:30:29. > :30:34.the sisters? Each episode starts with one of these meetings between

:30:35. > :30:39.the toffs and the slum dwellers. We spoke to hundreds of descendants.

:30:40. > :30:43.Pretty much a very clear pattern emerged. If you are at the

:30:44. > :30:47.descendant of one of these lady or gentleman visitors, you are

:30:48. > :30:50.overwhelmingly likely today to be from an upper middle-class family,

:30:51. > :30:55.and if you are a descendant of a slum dweller, you are more than

:30:56. > :30:59.likely going to be from a working-class family. There are some

:31:00. > :31:08.amazing exceptions but it is much at zero. I am not surprised. You know

:31:09. > :31:14.these period dramas? You always wonder how your family would have

:31:15. > :31:20.fitted into this. You guys now know. If it was not for my daughter-in-law

:31:21. > :31:25.starting the family tree off, she carried on and on. She got so

:31:26. > :31:32.involved. All of a sudden she got a phone call from Joel. That is where

:31:33. > :31:38.it started. You have got to pass these stories on. How long have you

:31:39. > :31:46.been together? 55 years, 50 years married.

:31:47. > :31:51.APPLAUSE. The Secret History of My Family is on tomorrow evening at 8pm

:31:52. > :31:54.on BBC Two. The dumb blame documentary is on at 9pm on BBC One

:31:55. > :32:01.in Scotland. Thank you. -- Dunblane Street

:32:02. > :32:04.Soon we'll be catching up with Alex and team on Street board

:32:05. > :32:07.the Hell On High Seas boat - they've got a lot to update us on.

:32:08. > :32:14.they have put themselves through wind, rain and very cramped

:32:15. > :32:20.conditions. All to raise money for Sport Relief.

:32:21. > :32:43.This is how you can donate. To donate ?5, text the word help.

:32:44. > :32:46.To donate ?10 text help to 70010. There you go. We put the numbers on

:32:47. > :32:56.the screen. All of your donation will go to

:32:57. > :33:01.sport relief. You must be 16 or over. For full terms and conditions,

:33:02. > :33:14.go to the BBC Sport Relief website. Let's see how life on board has been

:33:15. > :33:19.since we caught up with them last night.

:33:20. > :33:25.The Hell on High Seas challenge heads south towards Land's End in a

:33:26. > :33:30.race to beat of oncoming storm. Some strong winds, severe gales...

:33:31. > :33:35.Night-time falls and below deck it is dark, really dark. But doing

:33:36. > :33:40.anything is a real struggle. This is a complete nightmare. In bed you

:33:41. > :33:45.cannot sleep because it is like sleeping in the middle of a

:33:46. > :33:49.hurricane. Boo IO was imagining things are worse than there are

:33:50. > :33:56.going to be. -- unbelievably I always imagine. It is freezing. It

:33:57. > :34:01.is so cold. It is chaos down here. Now that the weather has worsened,

:34:02. > :34:10.everybody is more intense. Up top there is a real emergency. The bolt

:34:11. > :34:19.loses its steering. The rudder seems jammed. The prime suspect is a fish.

:34:20. > :34:28.It may sound trivial but something as small as this could easily become

:34:29. > :34:35.very dangerous. Next morning, a vital landmark is

:34:36. > :34:45.inside. Land's End, my friend, Land's End. The westernmost tip of

:34:46. > :34:49.the motherland. You realise how insignificant you

:34:50. > :35:00.are out on the ocean. We are wet and we are cold. It is still quite

:35:01. > :35:08.beautiful. Time for bed. 28 hours since I last slept. Before that they

:35:09. > :35:10.are visited by the coastguard. Hopefully he will have a box of milk

:35:11. > :35:29.Tray. Hairy times out of there. He could

:35:30. > :35:37.have got on the helicopter. Which is what I would have done! They had to

:35:38. > :35:41.take shelter in Plymouth because of ferocious winds. For the very

:35:42. > :35:50.latest, let's join Alex. What is the situation? Hello. Zoe, as you said,

:35:51. > :35:56.we have been in Plymouth all day, hiding basically from the storm. We

:35:57. > :36:02.were out on that water for about two to hours last night just trying to

:36:03. > :36:07.come in. The conditions were so bad. To be clear, we have spent all day

:36:08. > :36:11.putting the sales back in bags because they were chucked in in a

:36:12. > :36:19.hurry last night. And rearranging downstairs because it was so wet. We

:36:20. > :36:24.have only gone overboard, born to land, to use facilities. Skipper Ian

:36:25. > :36:32.is here. We hear from Falmouth coastguards that the situation was

:36:33. > :36:38.bad. What decision led you to come in here? We knew when we left

:36:39. > :36:42.Belfast that the storm would spin up. We were always racing to be

:36:43. > :36:46.ahead of it. But when we got near Land's End there was a severe

:36:47. > :36:51.weather warning issued for the areas of Plymouth, Portland and the Isle

:36:52. > :36:55.of Wight, and -- of two storm Force ten. You cannot mess around with

:36:56. > :36:59.that. Even the fishermen had four port when you get weather like that.

:37:00. > :37:03.Although these boards are designed for sailing offshore and around the

:37:04. > :37:07.world, even with a fully professional crew we would be trying

:37:08. > :37:12.to avoid that. Prudence first. We came in here for safety reasons. We

:37:13. > :37:17.will be getting out as soon as we feel the conditions are saved

:37:18. > :37:23.assailing. It has been quite a nice break for us today to be off the

:37:24. > :37:27.water and to feel stationary. But we were chatting downstairs and we were

:37:28. > :37:32.thinking, the worst is surely over. It is plain sailing. What was your

:37:33. > :37:37.response? You ain't seen nothing yet. We have been listening to that

:37:38. > :37:42.wind while we have been here, really battering the boat. The sea

:37:43. > :37:46.condition bills from that. The winds may have dropped. But when we head

:37:47. > :37:50.out in a few hours, that sea condition will be quite large. There

:37:51. > :37:55.will be bigger waves than you have seen since we left Belfast. The wind

:37:56. > :37:59.is coming from the north. That makes it bitterly cold. There will be

:38:00. > :38:04.freezing water temperatures. But some fantastic sailing to be had.

:38:05. > :38:08.The boat will be fast. The professional sailors will be smiling

:38:09. > :38:12.but it will be cold and very tough. Basically tougher than you have seen

:38:13. > :38:15.so far. I am glad you are arrested and the apprehension can start

:38:16. > :38:22.building now as we head into the second part of the challenge. The

:38:23. > :38:25.temperature is dropping already. While we are stationary, let's just

:38:26. > :38:33.pop in so you can get a taste of life below deck. Mind your head. It

:38:34. > :38:38.is quite low. The rest of the team are down here sheltering from the

:38:39. > :38:43.weather. This is where we spend all of our time when we are off watch.

:38:44. > :38:49.This is the kitchen area. We have freeze-dried food and tea. Modelled

:38:50. > :38:55.by Susie. Through the hatch is what we call the head, where you do what

:38:56. > :39:00.you need to do. In terms of your business. Then we have six bunks for

:39:01. > :39:06.15 people. Angellica is taking a well earned rest to prepare to set

:39:07. > :39:11.sail again at midnight. We were having a chat earlier and just

:39:12. > :39:16.saying how today has been a lovely respite but we do feel nervous again

:39:17. > :39:22.now at setting sail because we know this time what is ahead of us? We

:39:23. > :39:23.are both really nervous and apprehensive, especially from

:39:24. > :39:30.knowing what we have been through already. Potentially it could be

:39:31. > :39:34.worse. It is frightening. The reason why I am resting is because Alex and

:39:35. > :39:39.I are Nightwatch from midnight. To explain what that is like, you are

:39:40. > :39:44.on the deck, it is pitch black, you are drenched to the bone and we have

:39:45. > :39:47.still got to sail the boat. It is scary. A number of times we have had

:39:48. > :39:51.to cling onto each other to make sure we do not hurt ourselves or

:39:52. > :39:58.fall into the water. Last night was really scary. It was a close shave

:39:59. > :40:02.last night when we were fixing the sales. It is a dangerous challenge

:40:03. > :40:07.and we are very grateful for every penny that the viewers can donate.

:40:08. > :40:09.We have got a tricky night ahead. We will update you tomorrow.

:40:10. > :40:21.Good night for now. APPLAUSE. An unbelievable effort.

:40:22. > :40:24.Just a reminder that when you are in bed, or about to go to bed, there

:40:25. > :40:31.are preparing to set sail at midnight. When the boat is out

:40:32. > :40:38.crashing around, you are not getting any sleep. You never dry off or warm

:40:39. > :40:44.up. I am glad they have a toilet. I was worried about that. The angle of

:40:45. > :40:52.the boat was like this. Imagine being in one of the bunks when the

:40:53. > :40:56.boat is like that. The difference when indeed, an experienced sailor,

:40:57. > :41:02.goes, the conditions will be terrified. Alex looks -- looked

:41:03. > :41:09.terrified. You can follow their progress online via our special

:41:10. > :41:17.tracker. Your family owned a canal boat? Not

:41:18. > :41:23.quite the same. My dad had an operation that went wrong so we got

:41:24. > :41:36.compensation. For some reason they bought a canal boat. Communist Jews

:41:37. > :41:43.should not own a canal boat. The outboard motor, we used to have to

:41:44. > :41:54.take it home on the bus. It was so bad. I had a row with my mother.

:41:55. > :41:59.Salt this! Quickly Sarah, we have two show this photo. What is

:42:00. > :42:05.happening here? It is when I did Who Do You Think You Are? One of my

:42:06. > :42:09.ancestors was a diver. They asked about wanted to put the whole outfit

:42:10. > :42:15.on. I said, OK. I wanted the proper ones. It was seven stone of weight

:42:16. > :42:20.on me. I shuffled a little bit. When the show aired, one of my friends

:42:21. > :42:21.said isn't it good to know you can put on seven stone and still get

:42:22. > :42:25.around! Before setting off, one of the team,

:42:26. > :42:29.Ore, went to find out how the money raised can make a real difference

:42:30. > :42:32.right here on our doorstep. He has seen first-hand how it

:42:33. > :42:34.ensures that our returning service personnel can be given the right

:42:35. > :42:49.care when life is no longer the way I thought I was going mad. I

:42:50. > :42:54.isolated myself from my family, who I love dearly. It is not nice to

:42:55. > :43:02.acknowledge the fact that you have stopped feeling.

:43:03. > :43:05.Post-dramatic stress disorder currently affects hundreds of

:43:06. > :43:11.serving and thousands of former military personnel. It is a complex

:43:12. > :43:14.and debilitating condition. But it is the stigma of being diagnosed

:43:15. > :43:19.with a mental health issue that can lead to many people suffering in

:43:20. > :43:22.silence. Jonathan is a veteran of Northern

:43:23. > :43:29.Ireland and also cleared minefields in Iraq, Kuwait and Cambodia.

:43:30. > :43:34.I was affected very badly in Northern Ireland. In 1979 we were

:43:35. > :43:40.working in west Belfast. There was high tension. My earliest trauma, I

:43:41. > :43:45.was in the back of an open-ended Land Rover with a colleague. I saw

:43:46. > :43:51.my wife and I waved to her. She waved back. My colleague looked at

:43:52. > :43:58.me and said, you have just compromised your wife. That may

:43:59. > :44:04.sound like nothing but at that time in that place, it was massive. I

:44:05. > :44:11.spent the entire day terrified. That stayed with me. Then I worked

:44:12. > :44:16.in Kuwait and Cambodia, clearing minefields. It was quite a turbulent

:44:17. > :44:20.area. Can you tell us the kind of things that were going through your

:44:21. > :44:28.head at the time? You are detached from your own reality. You do not

:44:29. > :44:36.realise. I started to hide away from things. Anger, depression, low

:44:37. > :44:41.self-esteem. I thought I was going mad. I isolated myself from my

:44:42. > :44:47.family, who I loved dearly. Before the change in my dad I was always

:44:48. > :44:51.daddy's little girl. We had no idea and we just thought that was being

:44:52. > :44:57.grumpy. We thought he did not want to be home. He was pushing us away.

:44:58. > :45:01.We see my dad is being a brave soldier, the man who cleared of

:45:02. > :45:05.these minefields, cleared -- picked up dead bodies. To know that he was

:45:06. > :45:11.so vulnerable inside his own head, and we were not understanding him,

:45:12. > :45:16.that is hard. The condition does not only affect

:45:17. > :45:18.men. Angela is a veteran of the recent conflict in Iraq and

:45:19. > :45:23.Afghanistan. I served a total of 13 years as an

:45:24. > :45:30.intelligence officer. If you get to a point where you shut down

:45:31. > :45:33.emotionally. But unfortunately, shutting the down the emotional side

:45:34. > :45:37.so you can get the job done, shuts down everything else in your life.

:45:38. > :45:42.Do you think there is a stigma within the military that you have to

:45:43. > :45:49.sort of man hope? I was worried that if I put my hand up and said, I am

:45:50. > :45:54.not coping, then I would be judged. It is only when you become a

:45:55. > :45:55.civilian that I guess you can go, I am not feeling great about this and

:45:56. > :46:05.I need help. We offer a range of clinical

:46:06. > :46:09.treatment programmes and what we want to get across through the

:46:10. > :46:13.funding and support from Sport Relief is to show there is help out

:46:14. > :46:19.there and things can get better and you don't have to suffer in silence

:46:20. > :46:22.or alone. If I had been aware of combat stress earlier, I would have

:46:23. > :46:26.been, in a heartbeat I would have got in touch with them. The it

:46:27. > :46:30.wasn't for this project he would not have the relationship he has with

:46:31. > :46:35.his two grandsons, we are stronger and tighter than ever before. You

:46:36. > :46:46.come here and you realise that I have been through this. I have this

:46:47. > :46:50.disorder, and it is OK. The valuable services provided by charities like

:46:51. > :46:53.this one ensures that former members of or Armed Forces don't only feel

:46:54. > :46:58.safe in coming forward but get the treatment they need to change their

:46:59. > :47:09.lives for the better. But, without your help, it wouldn't be possible.

:47:10. > :47:23.So please, to donate ?5 text 70005. Thank you so much.

:47:24. > :47:29.Now this is the bit of the show I've been waiting for.

:47:30. > :47:38.I loved school dinners when I was younger.

:47:39. > :47:47.All of these lovely people are school chefs and one will be crowned

:47:48. > :47:50.chef etch -- School Chef of the Year tomorrow. How you feeling in

:47:51. > :47:55.Nervous. Let us meet some of the finalist. Sharon, we have a lovely

:47:56. > :48:05.picture of you at work, and tell me what is happening? That was a number

:48:06. > :48:10.I threw on for Christmas lunch. I was an, lfie taking selfies. What

:48:11. > :48:16.did row have to do to get this far? We had to design a menu, two course,

:48:17. > :48:22.based round the Government nutritional standards, to 1.60. It

:48:23. > :48:26.has to be designed to be chosen by 11-year-old children, year six, so

:48:27. > :48:32.they are the people who decide what we do, they are judges in in the

:48:33. > :48:37.competition as well. It has to be produced on mass, so it could be 110

:48:38. > :48:40.portions or 1,000. Beer that the mind. Talk me through the menu you

:48:41. > :48:47.are presenting tomorrow you are going to cook this tomorrow. It is

:48:48. > :48:53.chicken breast, stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon. Lemon and herb

:48:54. > :49:00.crusted potatoes and a courgette coconut and lime pudding. Round of

:49:01. > :49:06.applause for that. That doesn't look like spam fritters. Abdul you are

:49:07. > :49:11.from Casablanca, how did you end up as a representative for the North

:49:12. > :49:15.East of England and Scotland. I ended up in Newcastle in the North

:49:16. > :49:22.East. Casablanca, Newcastle, which do you prefer? Newcastle is my home

:49:23. > :49:27.now. Your kids must benefit from the flavours you must bring. What is you

:49:28. > :49:32.got for your menu, your school council, the children, helped choose

:49:33. > :49:35.this menu. Yes, we did a taster and I desighed what I have to put, if it

:49:36. > :49:41.is not right they tell me straightaway. I love your kids. Talk

:49:42. > :49:52.me through it. This is my favourite. We beef and pork pulled pork slider

:49:53. > :49:59.with oven baked polenta chips. We have beans and coleslaw, deserted

:50:00. > :50:04.baked lemon desert with march mallow topping, fresh berries and home-made

:50:05. > :50:09.strawberry lemonade. You didn't bring any with you! This is like a

:50:10. > :50:14.dining room, talk me through this. This is at school every day. It is

:50:15. > :50:20.American diner with full working jukebox. Where is your school?

:50:21. > :50:25.Whitby. It want go there. Talk me through the main course. We have

:50:26. > :50:33.themeled our menu on Whitby Abbey so the main course is St Hilda's spicy

:50:34. > :50:37.pork and for dessert we have Dracula's baked lemon cheesecake

:50:38. > :50:41.with berry compote. Not a spam fritter in sight. I am

:50:42. > :50:51.going to ring this. Good luck tomorrow, you are amazing.

:50:52. > :50:58.There is two plates with mashed potato. Grab them and bring them

:50:59. > :51:03.forward. Because you used to be a dinner laddie. I was in an

:51:04. > :51:08.independent school in South Kensington. How bizarre. Before I

:51:09. > :51:13.was a comic. I had part-time jobs. Did you get lots of abuse from the

:51:14. > :51:18.kids. No they were terrified of them. They were little girls doing

:51:19. > :51:24.ballet and I used to go one sprout or two. I used to take all the food

:51:25. > :51:28.home. And eat it. Me and my wife used to sit up in bed eating its

:51:29. > :51:32.soles. We will test your knowledge of school dinners no, if you get a

:51:33. > :51:37.question right you will bag yourself a banger. So the person who has the,

:51:38. > :51:43.we haven't got that much time. Let us crack on. Sarah I will go first.

:51:44. > :51:48.Which processed feed was demonised by Jamie Oliver in 2005 in his

:51:49. > :51:57.school food campaign. Turkey Twizzler. She is right.

:51:58. > :52:02.Sarah gets a sausage What did parents deliver through the railings

:52:03. > :52:06.to scirn in Rotherham as a protest in healthy food the children didn't

:52:07. > :52:11.like served. What did they put through the railings? Fish and chips

:52:12. > :52:17.or doner kebabs. I thought it was Burgers. It wasn't in Islington

:52:18. > :52:22.because it would be humu successful they would fire in through a hose.

:52:23. > :52:27.Fish and chips. You have yourself a sausage. Have we got time for

:52:28. > :52:33.another one. Under Michael Gove school dinner rules how many pastry

:52:34. > :52:40.based dishes are children allowed a week. Ten. That is what I would say.

:52:41. > :52:46.Two. You get another one. Sarah's bangers.

:52:47. > :52:56.In 2013 a school banned triangular what as being dangerous? Samosas or

:52:57. > :53:02.flapjacks? Samosas, I imagine. It was flapjacks.

:53:03. > :53:08.Sarah is the winner. A boy got a sore eye from a flying flapjack. You

:53:09. > :53:13.have heard it all here. Well done. APPLAUSE.

:53:14. > :53:19.As we have been seeing this week Alex and the hell on high seas team

:53:20. > :53:22.are pretty tough they are thriving. But Andy has found one bird that

:53:23. > :53:32.could teach them a thing or two. You going to eat that? All of it. Face.

:53:33. > :53:37.Ness are the Cairngorms in Scotland. The toughest environment in Britain.

:53:38. > :53:44.Temperatures can drop to minus 25 degrees, and winds of over 100mph

:53:45. > :53:48.batter the landscape. In winter, these mountains are utterly

:53:49. > :53:51.inhospitable, but one remarkable creature survives here all year

:53:52. > :53:56.round. The ptarmigan. Britain's toughest bird.

:53:57. > :54:00.These cold weather specialists are members of the grouse family. And

:54:01. > :54:04.condition found in some of the coldest regions in the Northern

:54:05. > :54:10.Hemisphere. To understand how the ptarmigan survives the elements I am

:54:11. > :54:15.going to spend a night out in the mountains, just by like the

:54:16. > :54:21.ptarmigan does. But first, to help me track down these remarkable birds

:54:22. > :54:26.I have enlisted the help of wildlife photographer Andy Howard.

:54:27. > :54:34.So just to the left-hand side of the boulder. There. There is a white

:54:35. > :54:40.patch. Oh. Yes. They are especially adapted to these conditions. They

:54:41. > :54:43.have a hard exterior feather, but they have really soft Downie

:54:44. > :54:48.feathers close to the body. Which traps the eat in. Very similar to

:54:49. > :54:52.down jackets that people in the mountains wear. Their feet have

:54:53. > :54:57.feathers on them. Their eyelids have feathers on them. So when they close

:54:58. > :55:02.their eyes there is no heat loss from that bird. But surviving the

:55:03. > :55:05.conditions during the day is one thing, at night, the Cairngorms have

:55:06. > :55:16.the highest wind speeds and coldest temperatures in the UK.

:55:17. > :55:20.So, how do ptarmigans survive the hostile weather the Cairngorms

:55:21. > :55:23.throws at them? Well that I do something that mown nears have been

:55:24. > :55:29.doing for sevens. Basically they dig a hole in the snow.

:55:30. > :55:34.To escape the wind, ptarmigan dig themselves into the snow. They have

:55:35. > :55:37.been known to disappear beneath the snow entirely.

:55:38. > :55:43.These photos taken by Andy a few days earlier, show where a ptarmigan

:55:44. > :55:48.has recently spent the night. To show how effect the snow holes

:55:49. > :55:52.are and build our own we have enlisted the help of Heather, and

:55:53. > :55:57.her dog Milly. To survive the night out on the

:55:58. > :56:00.surface in a regular tent, would be particularly foolhardy, especially

:56:01. > :56:05.as it is forecast the wind getting up. We have 60mph wind forecast

:56:06. > :56:09.tomorrow morning. So what are conditions like in a snow hole? It

:56:10. > :56:14.will be amazingly comfortable. It will be a really comfortable the in

:56:15. > :56:18.there, snug inside the snow. Just like the wee palm Afghanistan. This

:56:19. > :56:21.might look like fun but it is accept Sean -- essential that the right

:56:22. > :56:28.training and equipment to build a snow hole. It helps to be fit too.

:56:29. > :56:36.What takes a ptarmigan less than a minute takes us nearly three hours

:56:37. > :56:41.of digging and careful excavation. But, once we finally finish, our own

:56:42. > :56:45.version of the ptarmigan's burrow is well worth the effort. Welcome to

:56:46. > :56:52.the best snow hole I have ever been in. It is palatial. It is very sieve

:56:53. > :56:58.prized. Outside tonight with the wind chill probably minus 20, in

:56:59. > :57:03.here, lovely and quiet, peaceful, and much warmer, so if I have got

:57:04. > :57:10.four of us in here, two guy, the crew and Heather, they reckon it is

:57:11. > :57:15.about five degrees and it is quite me sand, looking forward to a very

:57:16. > :57:20.nice night. Whatever the mountains have to throw

:57:21. > :57:29.at us, we are safe in our ptarmigan burrow until the following morning.

:57:30. > :57:35.Well, despite what you might think, that was a very pleasant night,

:57:36. > :57:41.warm, and cosy. These ptarmigans might be on to something.

:57:42. > :57:45.Thanks to Andy and talking about being at one with the animals is it

:57:46. > :57:50.right that you wanted to be a vet? Yes, I did. When I was quite young.

:57:51. > :57:55.After the stripper bit. Moved on from that. Yes, I wanted to be a

:57:56. > :57:59.vet, because I thought it was cuddling animals. I didn't realise

:58:00. > :58:03.it was as intense, I did a work experience at 14, and they said, do

:58:04. > :58:08.you want to come in and watch an operation, of course I do. I want to

:58:09. > :58:12.watch. It was like a hysterectomy of a dog. What is the bucket for, I

:58:13. > :58:16.don't need to know. I labelled bottles for the rest of the week.

:58:17. > :58:23.Felt sick the whole time. Listen. I don't want to be a vet. I wanted to

:58:24. > :58:27.do stand up. I have my magazine. Standard Issue is my women's

:58:28. > :58:32.magazine. Do you know what, you have squeezed that in. Have I? Thank you

:58:33. > :58:35.so much for your company tonight and to Zoe for joining us, thank you

:58:36. > :58:40.very much indeed. APPLAUSE.

:58:41. > :58:46.Just to remind you, Sarah's currently touring outside all of the

:58:47. > :58:51.UK and Alexei's autobiography Thatcher Stole My Trousers is out

:58:52. > :58:56.tomorrow. I will be be back tomorrow with Denise Lewis and we will talk

:58:57. > :59:00.to Call the Midwife Helen George, if you are missing Alex her new

:59:01. > :59:01.programme Sion for less is on next. Goodbye.

:59:02. > :59:03.APPLAUSE.