:00:17. > :00:19.Hallo und herzlich willkomen zur Der Eine
:00:20. > :00:25.Heute Abend auf dem Sofa, der deutsche Comedy
:00:26. > :01:17.Very good. You have got more than I thought. Anyway... You've appointed
:01:18. > :01:24.yourself as a German comedy ambassador. What does this role
:01:25. > :01:31.involve? Being myself really and giving myself a grant and a title. I
:01:32. > :01:35.thought about it, what are the chances of somebody appointing me
:01:36. > :01:42.the German comedy ambassador? That's not going to happen so I might as
:01:43. > :01:52.well do it myself. It is a political party. . I went for the cheap route.
:01:53. > :02:00.We're not the only ones trying to speak German today. Here is Boris
:02:01. > :02:13.Johnson a few hours ago jeering a referendum speech. Anyway, you know
:02:14. > :02:21.it. What was that? I can really embarrass myself. I'm not going to
:02:22. > :02:31.say who it was by. But... It was Beethoven, wasn't it? The ode to
:02:32. > :02:38.Joy. He knows all the languages. He has got all the bloods. He has some
:02:39. > :02:42.German, Turkish, born in America. Drop a cosmopolitan. His family
:02:43. > :02:49.above but he says Britain should leave the European Union. We are
:02:50. > :02:55.going to do talk about Henning's tour later in the programme. Plus,
:02:56. > :03:00.we are going to go live to Orlando to get the latest on the Invictus
:03:01. > :03:03.Games after the spectacular opening ceremony last night.
:03:04. > :03:06.Well, our German might not be quite up to scratch but how
:03:07. > :03:09.Earlier today he took a sample English language SAT
:03:10. > :03:11.meant for ten or 11-year-olds and the result
:03:12. > :03:15.It's these Standard Assesment Tests that caused more
:03:16. > :03:18.than a thousand parents to keep their children out of school
:03:19. > :03:22.last week protesting that they put too much pressure on kids.
:03:23. > :03:32.We sent Trish Adudu to St Peter's Primary School to investigate.
:03:33. > :03:38.This primary School in Whetstone, Leicestershire.
:03:39. > :03:40.This primary School in Whetstone, schools where children will be
:03:41. > :03:44.setting the standard assessment schools where children will be
:03:45. > :03:45.tests. Compos three as part of the national curriculum, the government
:03:46. > :03:50.insists that they keep standards national curriculum, the government
:03:51. > :03:52.up. Critics claim they are in danger of sucking the joy out of
:03:53. > :03:56.up. Critics claim they are in danger for kids leaving them are
:03:57. > :03:56.up. Critics claim they are in danger overworked. The children aren't
:03:57. > :04:02.happy, they are crying overworked. The children aren't
:04:03. > :04:05.stressed. They are not enjoying learning any more. To find out how
:04:06. > :04:14.stressful they really are, we are putting the tests to the test. Are
:04:15. > :04:29.you smarter than a ten-year-old? I'm about to find out. Kids as young as
:04:30. > :04:36.six in year to take Sats. But we are testing the older children. How do
:04:37. > :04:40.they feel about it? I've been hearing on the news that people have
:04:41. > :04:45.been stressed out by it and have been taken out of school because of
:04:46. > :04:51.the stress levels. Seven tests in one week and I try my hardest. I get
:04:52. > :04:57.stressed at home a lot. I can't really help it. It's annoying me and
:04:58. > :05:03.I don't really like it. People are overreacting about it. It is a big
:05:04. > :05:11.thing but you just need to do your best. Trying to keep confident and
:05:12. > :05:16.not be as stressed. My dad says, it doesn't matter if you are low as
:05:17. > :05:20.long as you try your hardest. I've been summoned to the headteacher 's
:05:21. > :05:28.office. Michael Bailey reckons we need a rethink. Why are you so
:05:29. > :05:33.worried about Sats? I don't feel they are pitched at the right level
:05:34. > :05:39.for students. I love English but the need for that level of grammar isn't
:05:40. > :05:45.relevant to them. The new arithmetic test, 26 questions in 30 minutes.
:05:46. > :05:50.Why does it have to be done in 30 minutes? Are we testing their maths
:05:51. > :05:56.or ability to time manage? We are starting a learning journey and we
:05:57. > :06:02.don't want to put them off. Unlike the 11 plus, there are no passes or
:06:03. > :06:06.fails in Sats. Yet, the teachers union maintains they are causing
:06:07. > :06:13.chaos and confusion. The government insists gave grounding is vital for
:06:14. > :06:27.young children and some parents are backing a boycott but not here. So,
:06:28. > :06:35.just how hard our Sats? We invited ourselves to test themselves with
:06:36. > :06:41.the children. Also involved our parents and grandparents. You've
:06:42. > :06:44.been practising and we haven't. It's a long time since I've had a test
:06:45. > :06:57.like this. You will find it the hardest? I think Trish is cheating!
:06:58. > :07:02.It is so hard. I've no idea what a relative clauses. Just finished the
:07:03. > :07:10.answer you are doing and close your booklet. So, do you know you're
:07:11. > :07:16.subordinating conjunction from your coordinating conjunction? I found it
:07:17. > :07:20.really difficult. Some things I couldn't remember and some things
:07:21. > :07:26.were so obscure I had never heard of them before. Are you any good with
:07:27. > :07:30.modal verbs? There were words in there, I didn't even understand what
:07:31. > :07:37.the question meant? Can you pinpoint a possessive pronoun? Hands up if
:07:38. > :07:44.you think you did better than the kids? At least they got something
:07:45. > :07:49.right. Could adult concerns be misplaced after all. The kids beat
:07:50. > :07:54.the parents and grandparents by a healthy margin. The highest mark of
:07:55. > :08:09.90% went to a ten-year-old. How did I do? Trish, use good 49%. -- you
:08:10. > :08:18.scored. It just shows how difficult it is. We will be revealing
:08:19. > :08:24.Henning's results later. I found it very stressful. It was meant to be
:08:25. > :08:31.done in 45 minutes. I gave myself 35 minutes. My palms were sweating and
:08:32. > :08:35.it put me under stress. Here we are. It is a new system. The first time
:08:36. > :08:42.it has been done. Given as the background on this. We are hearing a
:08:43. > :08:48.lot about it because May is the time that Sats are taken. You have ten
:08:49. > :08:53.and 11-year-olds sitting them this week. Essentially, a new curriculum
:08:54. > :08:58.came in two years ago in 2014 which was supposed to be a bit more
:08:59. > :09:03.demanding, tougher, these are the Sats that follow. They are supposed
:09:04. > :09:06.to be more demanding in terms of punctuation, grammar, and
:09:07. > :09:12.arithmetic. It comes from a fear that we are falling behind as a
:09:13. > :09:15.country. It is based on a study from the commission for economic
:09:16. > :09:22.co-operation and development. They looked at 15-year-olds in 65
:09:23. > :09:29.countries in core subjects. We did not farewell at all. 26 in maths, we
:09:30. > :09:36.weren't making the top 20 in any core subject. China is on top. Also,
:09:37. > :09:43.European neighbours are doing better. Germany, Ireland, Estonia,
:09:44. > :09:47.Finland. This caused real concern in the government. They made these
:09:48. > :09:50.changes and that is why we are seeing the first cohort from the new
:09:51. > :09:56.curriculum going through these tougher tests. Lots of the parents
:09:57. > :10:06.are against the changes. Some of them have started a campaign called
:10:07. > :10:15.Let Kids Be Kids. They think it is too dry, turning schools into exam
:10:16. > :10:19.factories. They think these tests are killing creativity. They also
:10:20. > :10:24.fear that there is a danger that kids will feel like failures. That
:10:25. > :10:30.they are judged too regularly and if they are not up to standard, it is
:10:31. > :10:33.not good for self esteem. The National union of teachers are
:10:34. > :10:37.worried about the level of testing at primary level. I think that's the
:10:38. > :10:42.point. I understand that we want to progress and be up there in the
:10:43. > :10:47.league tables. I understand also that at some point in school, you
:10:48. > :10:51.should be able to underline the verb form that is the present perfect in
:10:52. > :10:58.the passage below. Should you be able to do that at ten? It is a lot
:10:59. > :11:03.of stress on young shoulders. The government say that this isn't just
:11:04. > :11:07.about testing children, it is about checking what schools and teachers
:11:08. > :11:13.are up to. They need some way of checking standards. The campaign for
:11:14. > :11:17.real education would say that it is important to get a health check for
:11:18. > :11:26.children. Where they are at. Where their progress is. Henning, how long
:11:27. > :11:35.have you been speaking English? What? How many years? I came over 14
:11:36. > :11:41.years ago. I did come over with school English. That doesn't mean
:11:42. > :11:47.much. You don't know idioms or colloquialisms, you have next to no
:11:48. > :11:51.vocabulary. You only know grammar. You say everything exactly the way
:11:52. > :12:00.it is in your grammar book. Living in London for some time you say we
:12:01. > :12:15.was instead we were. Let's get your results. There we are. 73%! APPLAUSE
:12:16. > :12:23.When I get deported, or will I not? That is the question. You can be a
:12:24. > :12:26.reporter on the show. And it's your second language! Stop patronisingly!
:12:27. > :12:30.reporter on the show. And it's your It's my second language as well, so
:12:31. > :12:40.I understand. According to a certain
:12:41. > :12:45.Swedish flat pack company - But nearly the same amount of people
:12:46. > :12:49.fear that they could lose years of precious pictures
:12:50. > :12:50.if technology failed them. So we sent Lucy out
:12:51. > :12:57.to print some memories. We will take one of you. It feels
:12:58. > :13:02.these days like we are constantly taking pictures. On our phones and
:13:03. > :13:09.our tablets. Does anybody feel the need to print them? Do you have an
:13:10. > :13:15.album? Are they on your phone? Both. On my phone. My Mrs has loads of
:13:16. > :13:24.albums. What happens to your pictures on the phone? The memories
:13:25. > :13:33.are gone unless you print them out. I've got a great one here. Very
:13:34. > :13:40.nice. You didn't blow it up. There is a limit to what we can do. Much
:13:41. > :13:46.better than photos, aren't they? I take lots of pictures on my phone. I
:13:47. > :13:51.don't use a camera any more. Do you print them out and put them in an
:13:52. > :13:58.album for the future? An album? What an album? When I was growing up, we
:13:59. > :14:03.used to have a photograph album. My mum has one of them. The only time
:14:04. > :14:10.the photo album comes out is when mum wants to embarrass you. That is
:14:11. > :14:17.my older sister's baby. Good quality? No. It looks better on the
:14:18. > :14:22.phone. How many pictures have you taken of this lovely little girl
:14:23. > :14:29.since she was born? In the thousands. She is in a memory box
:14:30. > :14:33.for her. Hardly anyone is printing them out but you are. Yes. I
:14:34. > :14:45.enjoyed. It is old-fashioned, as well. Look at that! What is this?
:14:46. > :14:50.This is my old camera. It is my fail-safe. We want a record of our
:14:51. > :14:56.lives to pass on to our grandchildren. This is going to be
:14:57. > :15:03.new for us. We have only done phones so far. Here we go. Memories. Our
:15:04. > :15:12.grandparents had photographs. We have still got those. Well, we did
:15:13. > :15:18.manage to find the last photo on Mr Baker's phone. A good one from last
:15:19. > :15:28.night. Congratulations, BAFTA winner. Brilliant team effort.
:15:29. > :15:32.Unbelievable. It was those see otters. We were up against Tim
:15:33. > :15:45.Peake. Sorry if you can hear is up there.
:15:46. > :15:54.The company I was working for in Germany, it was about to go under.
:15:55. > :15:58.What company - a comedy company? It was a company to do with golf
:15:59. > :16:04.courses. It was sports marketing. So, I looked at my CV. It looked all
:16:05. > :16:08.right. I did not speak English rather than basic school England. I
:16:09. > :16:14.thought I should go to England for a good few months and learn some
:16:15. > :16:21.English. God knows how I managed to end up with a job in the marketing
:16:22. > :16:25.department of Whickham Wanderers. Come on, the chair boys and I wanted
:16:26. > :16:29.to stay a few months, but somehow I am still here. Into the comedy I
:16:30. > :16:35.got, once I had been here for a year-and-a-half. Walked past a pub.
:16:36. > :16:44.A sign said, stand-up comedy. I was intrigued. Went inside. Enjoyed what
:16:45. > :16:48.I saw. And got started. Wow! Your last tour was incredible popular,
:16:49. > :16:54.Ein, Zwei, DIY - did I say it all right? Let's see a moment from that
:16:55. > :16:56.tour. Oh, yes. There was a tournament last
:16:57. > :16:58.summer... I might be able to jog your memory.
:16:59. > :17:12.Let me have a look... Everyone's got one back home. Now,
:17:13. > :17:37.come on, have a look. Have a look... This is the closest... Classic! That
:17:38. > :17:49.is out to buy now on DVD. And very topical as you can see.
:17:50. > :17:56.And the new tour then, Westphalia Is Not An Option, what can we expect?
:17:57. > :18:02.Well, that is actually a show about me being, essentially that was
:18:03. > :18:09.triggered by me being asked to hold An Immigrant's Guide To Britain. A
:18:10. > :18:12.guide for immigrants by immigrants. That was an eye-opening experience
:18:13. > :18:18.to me that I was considered an immigrant. I never considered myself
:18:19. > :18:26.an immigrant at all, for many reasons - the lack of hardship in my
:18:27. > :18:31.story. I think there is something extreme to be qualified as an
:18:32. > :18:35.immigrant - not just to go to Dortmund airport and an hour later
:18:36. > :18:41.you land in lieu on the and you can work. I -- Luton and you can work. I
:18:42. > :18:55.thought to qualify as an immigrant you had to move somewhere better.
:18:56. > :19:01.Good... Very good... Somewhere worse I always associate with becoming an
:19:02. > :19:05.ex-pat, or more extreme cases a relief worker. Anyway, essentially
:19:06. > :19:15.it is the, the whole show is a look at the topic of immigration - a
:19:16. > :19:19.fluffy topic for comedy. And then, on the show that I am putting
:19:20. > :19:26.together at the moment. And the show immigrant's guide to Britain is on
:19:27. > :19:33.Channel 4. The tours for Henning's latest tour, Westphalia Is Not An
:19:34. > :19:36.Option, are on sale now. The 2016 Invictuses kicked off today. It
:19:37. > :19:43.started with a challenge from the White House to the palace.
:19:44. > :19:51.Oh, message... From Michelle. Shall we watch it together? Yes.
:19:52. > :20:02.Remember you told us to bring it to the Invictus games. Careful for what
:20:03. > :20:06.you wish for. Oh, really, please. Her Majesty not phased at all there.
:20:07. > :20:12.The games are now in full swing and we can go live to Gabby and Ade in
:20:13. > :20:22.Orlando, where the time is coming up to 2. 20pm. Good afternoon.
:20:23. > :20:26.Good afternoon, spot on, Matt. Hello to Alex and Henning from sunny
:20:27. > :20:32.Orlando. The games are under way and we will bring the highlights on BBC
:20:33. > :20:36.One all this week. Last night Prince Harry launched the games. To all of
:20:37. > :20:41.those watching at home and who are suffering from mental illness in
:20:42. > :20:49.silence, whether a veteran or a civilian, a mum or a dad, a teenager
:20:50. > :20:53.or a grandparent, I hope you see the bravery of our Invictus champions,
:20:54. > :20:55.who have confronted invisible injuries and I hope you are inspired
:20:56. > :21:08.to ask for the help that you need. Powerful stuff and Prince Harry will
:21:09. > :21:12.be live for a chat with us later on. With us now are two competitors,
:21:13. > :21:18.Luke Sinnot, from the Armed Forces team and as you have Henning in
:21:19. > :21:21.there, from the German team we have Lieutenant Colonel Ralf Kleindienst,
:21:22. > :21:26.who has come in for a chat as well. Good afternoon.
:21:27. > :21:30.Ralf, first of all welcome, and Henning will be listening in from
:21:31. > :21:34.the studio. What are the key German characteristics that you think will
:21:35. > :21:39.lead the German team to success here at the Invictus Games? As always the
:21:40. > :21:44.Germans are serious, disciplined. That is the reason why we will win
:21:45. > :21:50.gold medals. It is of course friendly, Ralf. There is great
:21:51. > :21:54.friendship, let's not forget that. Everybody walks around with a smile
:21:55. > :21:59.on their face. The UK topped the medal table in 2014, so we would
:22:00. > :22:05.like a large haul of medal as well. We have been training hard. We have
:22:06. > :22:09.top guys competing. The Americans obviously - we have a few guys to
:22:10. > :22:14.beat out there. I hope Germany does well, but not too well. We want to
:22:15. > :22:19.rub it in their faces. There 's no football yet. Ralf, what
:22:20. > :22:25.events are you competing in Swimming and archery. How is the prep going?
:22:26. > :22:29.Pretty good. We have two weeks training in Germany. So, we are, I
:22:30. > :22:33.guess because of the wonderful atmosphere in the training camp, a
:22:34. > :22:38.good preparation for the games. Tell us about your preparations and where
:22:39. > :22:42.you are competing? Tennis and athletics, in fact I am running
:22:43. > :22:47.tomorrow morning at 8am for the 100 metres. I spend a lot of time on the
:22:48. > :22:51.track in the UK in the cold and the wet.
:22:52. > :22:55.You may knock a few seconds off your time.
:22:56. > :23:00.The best of luck you both. Enjoy it. It will be fantastic. Remember
:23:01. > :23:05.straight after The One Show we will talk to James Blunt and Gareth
:23:06. > :23:10.Malone who both performed at the Opening Ceremony last night. And
:23:11. > :23:13.Prince Harry. Don't forget him. We will stay tuned for that.
:23:14. > :23:29.Henning, we understand that you are a fan of the seaside. Have you heard
:23:30. > :23:34.of or been to Frinton-on-Sea? John Cooper Clarke, poet lives there. He
:23:35. > :23:45.has written a poem for The One Show, inspired be I the Essex Riviera.
:23:46. > :23:51.I have lived in Essex for the last 27 years.
:23:52. > :23:57.I see myself as an Essex bloke, yes. I have no plans on moving.
:23:58. > :24:03.Essex, home, sweet, swinging home. Thank you, Pauline.
:24:04. > :24:07.Around sort of 1976, when punk rock thing happened, I was advised
:24:08. > :24:11.Around sort of 1976, when punk rock perform my stuff at the punk venues.
:24:12. > :24:15.I figured out, yeah, I could fit in with that. I think poetry should be
:24:16. > :24:20.performed. It was always written in order to be
:24:21. > :24:20.performed. It was always written in Music made out a language. So you
:24:21. > :24:33.Frinton to me is the Essex Riviera, should hear it.
:24:34. > :24:39.Frinton to me is the Essex Riviera, it has a beautiful place of art deck
:24:40. > :24:41.co-houses, which are indicative of the way they were back in the '30s.
:24:42. > :24:47.It was going to be the Miami beach of the East Coast.
:24:48. > :24:52.A beautiful place. of the East Coast.
:24:53. > :25:02.I don't want to talk it up too much, otherwise, you know, everybody will
:25:03. > :25:05.want in. And now, get all fabulous, my poem
:25:06. > :25:15.Department A, the whole town is on for The
:25:16. > :25:15.Department A, the whole town is on holiday.
:25:16. > :25:21.Department A, the whole town is on I'm living in a show place, in a
:25:22. > :25:26.dream home ghetto. I'm living in a show place, in a
:25:27. > :25:31.Hands off the threads, this level of drapery don't come cheap. When do we
:25:32. > :25:33.sleep? I get my bread from a cake boutique. No pressure on the street.
:25:34. > :25:41.The gates give out boutique. No pressure on the street.
:25:42. > :25:43.embezzlement and disrepair. I boutique. No pressure on the street.
:25:44. > :25:50.take you there, somewhere boutique. No pressure on the street.
:25:51. > :25:54.People try to sell you stuff, you only think you want to buy. Extend
:25:55. > :26:01.your reach to the outside world, it is time you want to cry.
:26:02. > :26:05.I'll help you pack, I'll be right here when you get back. Here where
:26:06. > :26:10.things are kind of slack, in fact a dream home ghetto.
:26:11. > :26:20.There is a social road block, where the brakes are set to screech. Stick
:26:21. > :26:21.your cameo beach. Here is an avenue, of invisible worth. It is the nicest
:26:22. > :26:30.place on earth.ly give a wide Bert of invisible worth. It is the nicest
:26:31. > :26:37.to the white surf and I will take this ghetto. Cream coloured and
:26:38. > :26:43.streamlined. There's a balconed terks e and a
:26:44. > :26:48.place to hang your fishing net. You bet a dream home ghetto.
:26:49. > :26:55.The nearest neighbour is a guy with a gut, and a moo-moo. We've got
:26:56. > :27:03.gates which stay real shut. No buts, a real home ghetto. So, room number
:27:04. > :27:08.blue, apartment A, old towns on holiday. But I'm going no place. I'm
:27:09. > :27:15.living in a show place. Dream home ghetto. One more time, this time
:27:16. > :27:19.with echo, a dream home ghetto. Dream home ghetto.
:27:20. > :27:29.Beautiful. And the art deck co-houses are beautiful. A lot of --
:27:30. > :27:33.art Deco houses are beautiful. As we spent so much time speaking about
:27:34. > :27:39.English, we thought we would speak more English. We sent our cameras
:27:40. > :27:43.out to test the British public with the longest and most difficult
:27:44. > :27:44.German words. Henning you have to decipher what they are trying to
:27:45. > :27:53.say. Any idea? It is something along the
:27:54. > :28:16.lines of... So that is the Danube steam ship
:28:17. > :28:20.company captain. Yes. I thought it was the captain's
:28:21. > :28:27.hat. Wow! One more really quickly then.
:28:28. > :28:30.This is Raj. Here we are. Have we got it?
:28:31. > :28:37.Here we go. OK.
:28:38. > :28:53.Well... That's all we have time for. There we are. Insurance companies
:28:54. > :29:02.provide legal protection. Henning, thank you.
:29:03. > :29:04.We are off air for the Invictus Games tomorrow.
:29:05. > :29:07.But we'll be back on Wednesday night when our studio will be