:00:14. > :00:26.good weekend? I have watched clips of our guest back-to-back. I laughed
:00:27. > :00:34.my head off. Since when have you needed glasses? The weird thing is,
:00:35. > :00:44.you are thinning on top. You look a bit like. Top. Harry Hill, let's get
:00:45. > :00:55.on with the show. Hello and welcome to The One Show with
:00:56. > :00:58.And Alex Jones. Please welcome Harry Hill!
:00:59. > :01:14.APPLAUSE. He has been practising all day as
:01:15. > :01:18.well. You've written a new musical about
:01:19. > :01:22.the X Factor, but the scary thing is you had to get Simon Cowell's
:01:23. > :01:31.approval. What did he say when he came to the rehearsals? We went
:01:32. > :01:38.along to meet him to talk about the idea. At the end of it, he said, I
:01:39. > :01:47.like the idea. He shook us by the hand and said, you are through to
:01:48. > :01:53.the next round! You went to him with something. With Simon he has two
:01:54. > :02:00.hear or see something? We had one song and a storyline. Can't wait to
:02:01. > :02:11.see it. We'll see some of Harry's musical later and we'll be putting
:02:12. > :02:15.him on the spot with this. We've trawled the best of the
:02:16. > :02:20.international versions of X Factor to pick these six singers. Three can
:02:21. > :02:30.sing, three can't. Harry will be trying to pick between them later.
:02:31. > :02:33.What a fantastic bit of fun. We'll also be chatting with Mike Dilger
:02:34. > :02:42.and finding out why we have those massive whales and sharks outside
:02:43. > :02:50.the studio. When you did the introduction, I thought, this show
:02:51. > :02:54.cannot get more fun than this! But first, and we don't say this
:02:55. > :02:58.very often, but we want you to stop watching us, look around the room
:02:59. > :03:01.you're in, and ask yourself... How much clutter is there in my house?
:03:02. > :03:05.According to a survey out today almost a quarter of us are over run
:03:06. > :03:10.by stuff we don't need and it's stressing us out. So we sent
:03:11. > :03:12.Angelica Bell, a woman who has a zero-rubbish policy in her own home,
:03:13. > :03:16.to clean out her neighbours' clutter.
:03:17. > :03:22.I solute lead the test clutter in my house, but it can build up. I
:03:23. > :03:27.decided to go around and find out what people needed to get rid of. It
:03:28. > :03:37.is nice to live clutter free, but it is getting round to do it. I tend to
:03:38. > :03:43.gather lots of rubbish. And then he clears out cupboards. I take my
:03:44. > :03:51.stuff to the charity shops. Anything you want to get rid of that is
:03:52. > :03:56.taking up space? Only my wife. It genuinely stresses my out, I want it
:03:57. > :04:02.all gone, but try telling the children to come back and sort it
:04:03. > :04:11.out. If you have not used something for a year, throw it out. My toilet.
:04:12. > :04:18.We did notice that. I am sure somebody in the studio can use it.
:04:19. > :04:27.Brilliant. Thank you. Are you happy to get rid of them? I never use it.
:04:28. > :04:32.Having the same outfit helps with your wardrobe. You look organised
:04:33. > :04:42.with your pens. Is it chaotic at your house? On VHS I have every
:04:43. > :04:51.episode of The one Show since it started. I would not part with any
:04:52. > :04:58.of them. That is the spirit. We are hoarders, my wife and I. We get
:04:59. > :05:05.something delivered every day from eBay or Amazon. You don't chuck
:05:06. > :05:12.anything out? I used to like that programme on TV, Life Laundry
:05:13. > :05:22.whether you still encourage people to put stuff in skips.
:05:23. > :05:25.Getting rid of the clutter is one thing but with the recent terrible
:05:26. > :05:29.weather some people have had everything they own ruined by flood
:05:30. > :05:32.water. They now face an anxious wait to find out if the insurance company
:05:33. > :05:34.will help them replace what they have lost.
:05:35. > :05:38.On Christmas eve, Tonbridge in Kent was caught in the floods. One victim
:05:39. > :05:44.was Chris Jones who watched in harder -- horror as flooding
:05:45. > :05:51.engulfed his home. You cannot stop water. It was starting to appear in
:05:52. > :05:57.the house. When you are paddling around inside, you think it is
:05:58. > :06:00.serious. When the storms are over and the water has receded, the clear
:06:01. > :06:07.up operation could begin. But for Chris, the main concern was his
:06:08. > :06:18.insurance. Gary is a loss adjuster working for his insurance company,
:06:19. > :06:21.More Than. We meet up with customers, assess the damage and
:06:22. > :06:28.then we decide how to manage the claim. 1900 people suffered damage
:06:29. > :06:34.to their homes, and insurance companies are expected to pay out
:06:35. > :06:42.?400 million. Sorry to hear about your house. Today is Gary's second
:06:43. > :06:47.visit to this house. They have put the family up in rented
:06:48. > :06:54.accommodation but the final settlement has yet to be calculated.
:06:55. > :06:59.Straightaway I am hit by the heat. It is the speed dry to have the
:07:00. > :07:04.property drive. It was complete devastation just after Boxing Day. I
:07:05. > :07:14.assume this is where the water rose to? It was dirty water in here. The
:07:15. > :07:19.buildings insurance cover structural damage up to ?300,000 and the
:07:20. > :07:24.contents up to ?50,000. You can feel it has lifted. This entire floor
:07:25. > :07:31.will have to come out which means the kitchen units will have to come
:07:32. > :07:35.out. Surely you have that shoulder being tugged thataway sane, save as
:07:36. > :07:43.much money as you can, are under pressure? It is about covering the
:07:44. > :07:52.costs, making the customer happy without them feeling short-changed.
:07:53. > :07:57.These will be carefully reviewed. Unfortunately, because the house is
:07:58. > :08:02.not totally dry, Gary cannot assess the extent of the damage but the
:08:03. > :08:08.devastation is obvious. What would be an obvious estimate? This will
:08:09. > :08:16.cost about 70 to ?80,000. According to a survey, 12% of insurance claims
:08:17. > :08:22.are partially rejected based on objections in the small print. Have
:08:23. > :08:26.you turned any claims down? Yes, it is part and parcel of the job, but
:08:27. > :08:31.it does not happen very often. His next appointment is with Bruce and
:08:32. > :08:34.Linda who were forced from their home by the floods and spent
:08:35. > :08:41.Christmas with their daughter. It was the first time she did Christmas
:08:42. > :08:49.for us and she wanted it perfect. We were so miserable. We have other
:08:50. > :08:51.things on my mind. Gary has assessed ?30,000 for the house. Now they have
:08:52. > :08:57.found other content that were also damaged. Are those the things you
:08:58. > :09:05.need to speak to Gary about claiming for? This is the list. The list
:09:06. > :09:11.includes a karaoke machine, lawn mower and various Power Tools. But
:09:12. > :09:16.with a value of over ?2500, will Gary question this part of the
:09:17. > :09:20.claim? Looking at the list, there is nothing at all there that gives me
:09:21. > :09:27.any concerns, they are standard contents. There is no way you are
:09:28. > :09:34.thinking, I don't think that is legitimate. We are not here to do
:09:35. > :09:40.that. Every now and again you will get a claim when you suspect
:09:41. > :09:45.somebody is doing something wrong. But I have no concerns in the
:09:46. > :09:53.slightest. It is great they have a happy
:09:54. > :10:07.ending. Hope they get sorted soon. Back to the musical, we have a
:10:08. > :10:23.trailer for it. Five minutes call, Simon. Two minutes, Pat. One minute.
:10:24. > :10:44.It is time! To face the musical. Woops! Sorry!
:10:45. > :10:51.It is launching, so where did the idea come from? The TV Burp are used
:10:52. > :10:57.to watch X Factor, I'd pretty much watched every episode back came out.
:10:58. > :11:07.I was sitting watching it one night, the final and fell asleep. Sin eater
:11:08. > :11:15.came to me in a dream. She said, you must write the musical. She told me
:11:16. > :11:22.Simon's phone number in the dream and I woke up and remembered it. It
:11:23. > :11:26.was basically just a mad idea. I have a lot of these ideas and most
:11:27. > :11:36.of them don't go anywhere. Nigel Harman is playing Simon. He looks
:11:37. > :11:46.similar to him in that picture. He does, and that is what we were
:11:47. > :11:53.after. It is no accident. What makes this a Harry Hill musical? We take
:11:54. > :11:58.the Mickey out of the X Factor, obviously but we do it in the same
:11:59. > :12:06.way we did it on TV Burp. It is a family, entertainment show and we do
:12:07. > :12:12.it with a wink and tongue in cheek. It is kind of a celebration. If you
:12:13. > :12:16.love the, you will enjoy it. But if you hated the X Factor, you will
:12:17. > :12:22.enjoy it too. You have interesting titles. These songs tell the story
:12:23. > :12:29.of a girl that goes to an audition with her little dog. It is about
:12:30. > :12:37.this girl who lives in a caravan and her grandad is in an iron lung which
:12:38. > :12:42.interferes with the ITV signal. She has never heard of the. She ends up
:12:43. > :12:51.auditioning and their are other hopefuls, another lady who works in
:12:52. > :13:02.Tesda on the till. The hunchback that gets rejected. If you do want
:13:03. > :13:05.to see it, go and watch it, I Can't Sing! The X Factor Musical opens
:13:06. > :13:12.with previews on the 27th of February at the London paraded. We
:13:13. > :13:19.wondered whether you could tell if people can sink or cannot sing. This
:13:20. > :13:26.is a game for you. All you have got to go on are the faces. It is a bit
:13:27. > :13:34.like The Voice, but in reverse. Pick a number then, Harry. Who you think
:13:35. > :13:48.cannot sing. Has got to be number three. He is called Charles, he is
:13:49. > :13:57.57 and audition for the US version. # I've got to run away.
:13:58. > :14:12.Have a look at the board. Number two. Isabel is 18 and from
:14:13. > :14:26.Australia. She can sing. Let's go for another
:14:27. > :14:30.one. OK, number four. This is a girl called Paige who competed in the US
:14:31. > :14:49.X Factor, 24 from San Antonio. It is not as much fun when they can
:14:50. > :14:57.sing, this game! This is a good version!
:14:58. > :15:05.Their! Oh, I want to dance with somebody.
:15:06. > :15:14.As bad as that is, I could listen to it over and over again, it is
:15:15. > :15:23.remarkably entertaining. You could have won this album. Now she tells
:15:24. > :15:27.me! You are at number 14! Yes! Forget bad singing for a moment,
:15:28. > :15:32.let's have some nice music. It is the theme tune from Thomas the Tank
:15:33. > :15:38.Engine, the stories written by Reverend Wilbert Awdry about steam
:15:39. > :15:45.trains still make children smile. My father was the Reverend Wilbert
:15:46. > :15:51.Awdry, who wrote many of the Thomas the Tank Engine stories while he was
:15:52. > :16:00.bigger here in this parish in Norfolk in the 1950s. Thomas is a
:16:01. > :16:06.tank engine who lives on a big station. Well, little Thomas,
:16:07. > :16:13.chuckled Gordon, now you know what hard work means, don't you?
:16:14. > :16:19.My father loved all things to do with railways. The railway stories
:16:20. > :16:24.came around when my brother, Christopher, got measles, and
:16:25. > :16:30.father, to entertain him, told stories, but there were only two
:16:31. > :16:34.that really interested him, and one was down at the station early in the
:16:35. > :16:38.morning, see the little engine is all in a row. And to make it a
:16:39. > :16:45.little bit more interesting, rather than just repeating it, Father ended
:16:46. > :16:49.up drawing engines, Andy Drury faces on them. But it was the sad one that
:16:50. > :16:57.interested Christopher. -- and he drew. He asked, what is his name,
:16:58. > :17:11.Daddy? So Father said, Eduard. So the first engine was not Thomas, but
:17:12. > :17:18.the blue engine. The first book was published in 1945. It was very well
:17:19. > :17:24.received and had to be reprinted several times because it was so
:17:25. > :17:29.successful. We moved here when I was nine. I've lived here with my family
:17:30. > :17:38.and my brother Christopher and my sister Hilary. 13 of the 26 books
:17:39. > :17:45.were written here. It was wonderful, living here as a child, because it
:17:46. > :17:49.was so big. Including three attics on the top floor, two of which my
:17:50. > :17:55.father commandeered for his model railway. He never played with a
:17:56. > :18:01.model railway, it was a passion and that was it. Never playing trains.
:18:02. > :18:08.At state I'm in the kitchen, Father used to bring in what he had
:18:09. > :18:12.written. -- at tea-time in the kitchen. He would read aloud to us,
:18:13. > :18:17.because the stories were all written to be read aloud. The story that we
:18:18. > :18:24.had most influence on was the one about Thomas and Bertie the bus
:18:25. > :18:28.having a race. All three of us were unhappy about the fairness of such a
:18:29. > :18:33.race, because there seemed to be more hazards for one vehicle than
:18:34. > :18:38.another. I am going to win, I am going to win! So Father drew a map
:18:39. > :18:44.to prove that each at the same number of hazards.
:18:45. > :18:54.The sketch map led him to feel that the stories needed to be set in a
:18:55. > :19:02.place, and this led, eventually, to the introduction of the island.
:19:03. > :19:07.Welcome to the island! There was an episode where someone at school
:19:08. > :19:12.said, of course, you have no problem going somewhere on holiday, you can
:19:13. > :19:17.always go to the island, because they believed that it was an actual
:19:18. > :19:23.place, which I think was rather lovely, actually. The small amount
:19:24. > :19:27.of money that came from the series was good to supplement a passing's
:19:28. > :19:32.stipend. It would be the sort of thing that would mean there was
:19:33. > :19:37.money, perhaps, to buy some new shoes or a winter coat, that kind of
:19:38. > :19:44.thing. And it was only, I suppose, 20 years later that any income had
:19:45. > :19:47.reached what the equivalent of this stipend was, and so he felt he was
:19:48. > :20:01.able to retire. He always wanted his epitaph to
:20:02. > :20:07.reflect this feeling is about himself, if you like, what he gave.
:20:08. > :20:11.He would like it to say, he helped people see God in the ordinary
:20:12. > :20:19.things, everyday things of life, and made children laugh!
:20:20. > :20:24.What a story, his story certainly make me and my children laugh. You
:20:25. > :20:29.were saying the most successful thing you have done is right a joke
:20:30. > :20:35.book for kids. Kids still love jokes. How do you approach it? That
:20:36. > :20:42.one, I just went through a load of joke books. When you do storybooks?
:20:43. > :20:46.The key is not to patronise. I always think, you know, I used to
:20:47. > :20:49.read stories to my kids, and it is always nice if the person reading
:20:50. > :20:53.the story to the child can get something out of it, so it is like
:20:54. > :20:56.when you go to a pantomime, there are jokes for kids, jokes for
:20:57. > :21:06.parents that go over their heads. That is what I try to do with my
:21:07. > :21:09.books. And also, with programme-macro... Of funnier than
:21:10. > :21:22.grandmother falling over at a wedding. I wish there was!
:21:23. > :21:28.The sound of Jura on the west coast of Scotland is home to one of our
:21:29. > :21:31.largest and rarely filmed fish. I am joining sea angler Ian, who is
:21:32. > :21:36.hopefully going to help me catch more than just a glimpse of one. He
:21:37. > :21:41.is part of the conservation effort for the enormous common skate, which
:21:42. > :21:49.sadly today is anything but common. That is about 180lb going back. They
:21:50. > :21:54.are massive. They are critically endangered, on the same list as
:21:55. > :21:58.Siberian tigers and polar bears. Eight years ago, Ian established a
:21:59. > :22:02.conservation network to protect vulnerable skate and shark species.
:22:03. > :22:06.Skate are bottom dwelling fish, closely related to sharks, so
:22:07. > :22:08.hauling one up from the depths is going to be tough. 30 minutes
:22:09. > :22:21.later... And now I need to bring it up from
:22:22. > :22:28.450 feet of water. It is quite a poll on it! You could be here for 40
:22:29. > :22:32.minutes. I am seriously overheating, I will have to take my hat off. It
:22:33. > :22:37.is hard but vital work as the tagging programme is unravelling the
:22:38. > :22:42.mysteries of its life. The remarkable thing is that they do not
:22:43. > :22:46.go very far, 66% of the fish we have tagged have been recaptured within
:22:47. > :22:51.five miles of the original capture site. He hopes his work will lead to
:22:52. > :22:55.the sound being granted marine protected stasis as it is so crucial
:22:56. > :23:00.to the skate's survival. And after the hard work and reeling, I finally
:23:01. > :23:09.get my first glimpse of this amazing fish. He is coming, it is coming! It
:23:10. > :23:15.is flipping huge! Look at that! Oh, my word! I have just caught myself
:23:16. > :23:20.an absolutely enormous skate! What a beautiful animal! Look at that! Oh,
:23:21. > :23:24.my word! In order to get it on board and
:23:25. > :23:28.Taggart, we need to use books. It might look uncomfortable, but the
:23:29. > :23:34.work has shown there is no lasting damage, and the data gained is
:23:35. > :23:38.incredibly valuable. Look at that, that is amazing! I
:23:39. > :23:44.cannot believe that this fish exists in British waters.
:23:45. > :23:48.We need to minimise the time it is out of the water, so the first task
:23:49. > :23:54.is to tag it with a unique code attached to its giant wing. Check
:23:55. > :24:01.out the wingspan of this, a fish, not a bird. Quite a specimen!
:24:02. > :24:12.We need precise measurements for the scientific records. 53 inches 80",
:24:13. > :24:18.is that a good-sized? We have got the types and the measurements, we
:24:19. > :24:28.can put it back. Job done. With a fish this size, it is easier said
:24:29. > :24:33.than done. Ready to go? Yeah! Wow, there he goes! Just flapping off
:24:34. > :24:38.into the deep. Our job for the day is not done, and it is not long
:24:39. > :24:46.before we land another of these incredible fish. A smaller one, a
:24:47. > :24:50.male. You can see the row of teeth, it has a surprisingly large mouth.
:24:51. > :24:56.Anything that gets in there is history. They feed on other skate
:24:57. > :25:01.species and crustaceans. Males are smaller than females, and there is
:25:02. > :25:10.another obvious difference. The main difference is these, the penis, and
:25:11. > :25:15.a skate shark should have two. They are long-lived animals potentially
:25:16. > :25:21.living up to 100 years. Based on the size, about 20 years old. A fair bit
:25:22. > :25:28.of growing in that one yet. It is a pretty fine specimen. Let's get it
:25:29. > :25:34.back in the water. Yes. To date, Ian has tagged 3000 individuals, each
:25:35. > :25:36.one return safely increases our understanding of this spectacular
:25:37. > :25:43.skate. He and his team are playing a massive role in considering this
:25:44. > :25:47.beautiful species. Let's hope this skate will repopulate the seas
:25:48. > :25:52.further afield once more. Harry, we thought you might be
:25:53. > :26:00.missing people dressed in silly costumes, so please welcome Mike
:26:01. > :26:05.Dilger dressed as a common skate! Hello, Harry! What do you think? You
:26:06. > :26:11.look very much like a bottom dwelling fish. That is the way my
:26:12. > :26:16.career is going, I will take it where I can get it. Lots of people
:26:17. > :26:21.at home will be wondering why the skate has doubled gentlemen bits. It
:26:22. > :26:26.does effectively have two genitalia, and what they are for is grasping
:26:27. > :26:32.hold of the female. One of them is then inserted, and there is a
:26:33. > :26:38.groove, and that way the sperm enters the female. And here you have
:26:39. > :26:43.the mermaid's purse, the female gives birth to this, you find them
:26:44. > :26:50.on the strand line, and that is the way... How do you get them open? You
:26:51. > :26:54.can have that is a little present! As Ian was saying, they are
:26:55. > :26:59.critically endangered, we do see them on the menu quite a bit, so is
:27:00. > :27:04.it with avoiding completely? Avoid it completely. The common skate is
:27:05. > :27:09.critically endangered. You would not find it there, but you find a
:27:10. > :27:15.slightly smaller species which is near threatened according to the
:27:16. > :27:20.scientific criteria for red species. The best thing to do is, because you
:27:21. > :27:24.do not know if it is the small or big species, stick to Pollock and
:27:25. > :27:30.haddock, because they are sustainable. The skate we saw in the
:27:31. > :27:33.film were absolutely massive, so you brought these life-size creatures
:27:34. > :27:38.along with those who also share the waters around the UK. We have
:27:39. > :27:42.searched long and wide for huge leviathans in British waters. This
:27:43. > :27:47.is the basking shark, up to eight metres long, would you believe? The
:27:48. > :27:50.second biggest fish in the water, it eats things no larger than that.
:27:51. > :27:55.It's feeding technique consist of opening its mouth and swimming
:27:56. > :28:02.along, and it filters the equivalent of an Olympic sized swimming pool
:28:03. > :28:08.every hour. Never! You are doing ever so well, skate over here. It is
:28:09. > :28:13.difficult to take him seriously. You are watching BBC One, by the way!
:28:14. > :28:19.This is one of the smallest Wales in British waters, the minke whale. It
:28:20. > :28:24.is also a filter reader, and the interesting thing is that it is
:28:25. > :28:28.named after a Norwegian fishermen who thought it was the much larger
:28:29. > :28:33.blue whale, a good hunting species, rather than the smaller minke whale.
:28:34. > :28:37.He should have known that if you look at the flipper, where the
:28:38. > :28:41.camera is going to point, the minke whale has a white band across the
:28:42. > :28:50.flipper. Mike Dilger, the common skate, everyone! Thank you very much
:28:51. > :28:54.indeed. A career-high! All week we have been asking you to send in
:28:55. > :28:58.family photographs to make up the One Show Mosaic, and you have
:28:59. > :29:07.responded in droves. 1600 photos have been added so far, but we are
:29:08. > :29:12.aiming for 2014, this is a look at how it is looking at the moment.
:29:13. > :29:17.Send them into the usual address, you could be part it. Thank you very
:29:18. > :29:24.much to Harry for joining us tonight. I Can't Sing! Opens with
:29:25. > :29:25.previews at the London Palladium next month. Tomorrow Paul O'Grady
:29:26. > :29:28.joins us. Good night!