:00:19. > :00:23.Hello and welcome to The One Show with Alex Jones. And Matt Baker.
:00:23. > :00:28.Tonight's guest is a comedian and master of improvisation, so we are
:00:28. > :00:31.putting him on the spot straightaway. Paul, you have 10
:00:31. > :00:38.seconds to give yourself a glowing introduction to the show, and you
:00:38. > :00:44.have to start with the words "Pam Ayres". Off you go! Pam Ayers is a
:00:44. > :00:53.famous comedian. Paul Merton is appearing on The One Show tonight.
:00:53. > :00:58.Pam, I am your illegitimate son. is of course Paul Merton. I did not
:00:58. > :01:05.know you're going to do that. My mum will not be happy. We will have
:01:05. > :01:09.more from Pam Ayres later as well. Excellent. Now, it has of course
:01:09. > :01:12.been a momentous couple of days for the people of Liverpool after an
:01:12. > :01:17.independent panel uncovered the true extent of the police cover-up
:01:17. > :01:21.after the Hillsborough disaster. a moment, we will talk to the
:01:21. > :01:24.city's mayor, Joe Anderson, but first, here is what you had to say
:01:24. > :01:28.on the streets of Liverpool. Everyone is going round with a
:01:28. > :01:33.smile on their face today, which we always have. But there is an extra
:01:33. > :01:37.smile today because we have justice for them people. It was just one
:01:37. > :01:41.last thing hanging over our shoulders as Liverpudlians. We
:01:41. > :01:47.always knew we were right, and yesterday we were vindicated.
:01:47. > :01:55.weight has been lifted. And the mood has changed. Liverpool won out
:01:55. > :02:00.in the end. They stood up for us. The truth came out. Liverpool, as a
:02:00. > :02:04.city, has always stuck together through everything. But today does
:02:04. > :02:07.for definitely feel a lot happier, and that we have come over the
:02:07. > :02:13.other side. As we said, Joe Anderson joins us
:02:13. > :02:17.now, the Mayor of Liverpool. A new inquest is expected to follow, but
:02:18. > :02:23.from your perspective, what effect have the apologies from the Sun,
:02:23. > :02:27.Kelvin McKenzie and the Prime Minister had on the city? From the
:02:27. > :02:30.prime minister, it was welcomed. He handled it well and he was
:02:30. > :02:37.dignified, with a personal perspective. We were pleased with
:02:37. > :02:45.that. From Kelvin McKenzie, it was contemptuous. He apologised during
:02:45. > :02:55.the two-minute silence we were holding, at 3.06, the time when we
:02:55. > :02:57.
:02:57. > :03:03.remember the 96 people. It is 23 years and 30 hours too late. As the
:03:04. > :03:08.editor rob the Sun, it was too late. As you say, it has been a very long
:03:08. > :03:11.time, but can you give us a flavour of how their campaign has managed
:03:11. > :03:18.to overturn what has been described as the biggest police cover-up
:03:18. > :03:23.over? The report has been something they have complained for in terms
:03:23. > :03:28.of the truth. That was what we always wanted. As a result of the
:03:28. > :03:33.report yesterday, the truth is now known not only to the UK, but to
:03:33. > :03:37.the whole world. The report is both shocking in one sense, but also
:03:37. > :03:44.liberating in another sense, in that it has lifted a cloud that has
:03:44. > :03:53.hung over the family's and victims who suffered at Hillsborough. It
:03:53. > :04:01.has lifted a cloud from the city. We all welcomed the report. As
:04:01. > :04:05.mayor of the city of Liverpool, I pay tribute to the families and the
:04:05. > :04:09.campaigners for what they achieved for the city. The likes of Kelvin
:04:09. > :04:13.McKenzie don't understand that it has added a sense of justice --
:04:13. > :04:18.injustice to their lives, as well as the bereavement process. What
:04:18. > :04:26.comes next for the families and Hillsborough? How good a move on
:04:26. > :04:29.now? We have now got the truth. From my perspective and there's,
:04:30. > :04:34.hopefully from the truth follows justice and accountability.
:04:34. > :04:39.Somebody made those terrible decisions. It is good disease some
:04:39. > :04:43.people coming out and making apologies, including the FA today,
:04:43. > :04:47.for their part. But clearly, somebody has to be held to account
:04:47. > :04:51.here. Somebody has to take responsibility for the decisions
:04:51. > :04:57.that were made. That is what the City of Liverpool will be looking
:04:57. > :05:01.for, and hopefully will get the support of government to back us up
:05:01. > :05:10.so that we can achieve what is rightly ours. We should not have to
:05:11. > :05:15.beg for justice. Paul, have you been following this?
:05:15. > :05:19.Yes, it is obviously an incredibly terrible story. Now the events have
:05:19. > :05:23.reached the point where they might find closure on the thing, but back
:05:24. > :05:27.then, the football fans were demonised a bit. People were so
:05:27. > :05:32.ready to believe that people could behave in the most extraordinary
:05:32. > :05:36.way while people were dying around them. I find it deeply disturbing.
:05:36. > :05:41.The people of Liverpool are a very tight-knit community, and it is
:05:41. > :05:49.something they have felt passion about for a long time. If there is
:05:49. > :05:54.a release, that is good. Now, all this week, we have been on
:05:54. > :05:58.an extraordinary journey with a retired teacher called Jackie.
:05:58. > :06:02.Jackie is back from India. She helps a small group of Indian
:06:02. > :06:06.children, all the way from her home in Oldham. Last night, we followed
:06:06. > :06:12.her to India to meet those children for the first time. This is the
:06:12. > :06:18.final part of her journey. Here near Oldham, tacky Berra
:06:18. > :06:21.teaches kids in India via the internet. Hi! After an emotional
:06:21. > :06:30.meeting with them for the first time, she is going to see where
:06:30. > :06:36.they live. It is a slum. I feel quite apprehensive. It is one thing
:06:36. > :06:46.to drive past these slums. It is something else to actually walk
:06:46. > :06:46.
:06:46. > :06:49.into them and really see how people are living. This man has been one
:06:49. > :06:53.of the most active members of Jackie's group since it began. His
:06:53. > :06:57.family moved to the slum in search of active employment, and Jackie is
:06:57. > :07:07.keen to talk to his mother. Do you notice that it has made any
:07:07. > :07:07.
:07:07. > :07:12.difference to him that he does sessions and talks to me? He seems
:07:12. > :07:22.very smart when I speak to him. What would be your hopes for him to
:07:22. > :07:31.
:07:31. > :07:37.His mother is so dedicated. She works physically so hard. She is
:07:37. > :07:42.not in good health. The idea is that her children were have a
:07:42. > :07:48.better life than she has had. Incredible. Over 7 million children
:07:48. > :07:54.in India have never been to school. Once a week, this 12-year-old girl
:07:54. > :07:57.learns how to sow in a group for girls with no education. Stand up
:07:57. > :08:07.and show me your skirt. It is beautifully made. I love the
:08:07. > :08:14.
:08:14. > :08:19.colours. Why don't you go to Do you know how to write anything?
:08:19. > :08:27.She can write her name. Would your parents be able to let you go to
:08:27. > :08:37.school? She really wants to go, but she doesn't know. Later that day,
:08:37. > :08:42.Jackie went to meet the girl's mother. The family of six live here.
:08:42. > :08:52.Come and sit with us. She was telling us that she doesn't go to
:08:52. > :08:54.
:08:54. > :09:04.school. But it was here that Jackie found out the real reason the girl
:09:04. > :09:07.doesn't go to school. Her little brother was the one who let the cat
:09:07. > :09:15.out of the bag. He said by the way, my sister left school because she
:09:15. > :09:19.got married. And as the guest, she is indeed only 12 or 13 years old.
:09:19. > :09:26.They were following a tradition. It will not be considered for at least
:09:26. > :09:29.another few years. And did she have any say in a matter? No. So it is
:09:29. > :09:33.understandable that she feels awkward about going to school, when
:09:33. > :09:38.probably, some of the other children would tease her. 18 % of
:09:38. > :09:44.girls are married before their 50th birthday, often in poverty-stricken
:09:44. > :09:48.rural areas. -- they are married before their 15th birthday.
:09:48. > :09:57.think that a child's life is set out for her before the age of 10
:09:57. > :10:01.without her having any say, that is just so shocking. Today is Jackie's
:10:01. > :10:06.last day here before heading back door Oldham. But before the good
:10:06. > :10:11.bys Begin, there is time for one last session. This is the last time
:10:11. > :10:16.I am going to CU here in India. I am going to show you how to make
:10:16. > :10:22.some bunting, like this. It has made a big impact. The boy who was
:10:22. > :10:25.cheating in my card game, and yet he was the one who was here till
:10:25. > :10:30.the last minute at this evening, holding my hand and reading bits to
:10:30. > :10:36.me out of a book. My relationship with the children will be different,
:10:36. > :10:40.particularly those two little girls. My name is Lakshmi. I have seen
:10:40. > :10:45.where they live and what their lives are like. They have big
:10:45. > :10:55.ambitions. One wants to be a doctor, and the other wants to go back to
:10:55. > :10:59.
:10:59. > :11:05.the village and make sure they have a clean water supply. And I think
:11:05. > :11:13.things like that will leave a lasting impression.
:11:13. > :11:19.As you saw earlier, Jackie is with us now. Watching that makes me want
:11:19. > :11:23.to cry now! That was quite a few weeks ago. Since you have come back,
:11:23. > :11:29.what have you said to the children about what is going on over here?
:11:29. > :11:33.We have spoken on several occasions. One of the lovely things was that
:11:33. > :11:36.the bunting we started making, we didn't finish it when I was there
:11:36. > :11:40.because we didn't have time. But they have finished it, and they
:11:40. > :11:45.showed it to me over Skype and they took a picture of them. They have
:11:45. > :11:50.sent photos of it. They know they are on television here this week,
:11:50. > :11:59.because I spoke to them on Tuesday. What was their reaction? They are
:11:59. > :12:04.really excited. They know the BBC. They were really enthusiastic about
:12:04. > :12:13.the idea of the film. Since we have been there, they wanted to make a
:12:13. > :12:20.film themselves. I think somebody is going to do storyboarded with
:12:20. > :12:26.them. They loved the fact that Mike was called Mike, because they kept
:12:26. > :12:31.saying Mike, can I hold the Mike? They thought that was a huge joke.
:12:31. > :12:35.They loved that whole thing about the filming. Big was a clear that
:12:35. > :12:40.Europe spending time with the children. We got clear impressions
:12:40. > :12:45.of you as a teacher. Paul has something here written by Sunil.
:12:45. > :12:49.says, we thought they were bird eggs, but when she gave them to us
:12:49. > :12:54.to eat, we realised it was chocolate. Jackie is rich, but she
:12:54. > :12:59.did not speed down to us. I liked that very much. So straight to the
:12:59. > :13:03.point. It is true about the BBC. When we were filming a documentary
:13:03. > :13:11.for Channel 5, we said we were from the BBC and immediately got more
:13:11. > :13:15.respect. And then you were there for Just A Minute. Yes, we did a
:13:15. > :13:18.show there earlier this year. In Indian universities, they often
:13:18. > :13:22.played Just A Minute as a way of improving your English language,
:13:22. > :13:28.because you must not repeat, deviate or has a tape. So it is
:13:28. > :13:32.used as a tool for exploring English. I would be hopeless.
:13:32. > :13:36.Jackie, you were an experienced teacher before going to India, but
:13:36. > :13:40.has your trip changed the way you teach the children via Skype now
:13:40. > :13:46.that you are back in the UK? It is really difficult doing it over
:13:46. > :13:52.Skype. You realise how much of interacting with people is to do
:13:52. > :13:57.with body language, hand movements, expressions. And over Skype,
:13:57. > :14:02.because the equipment is never great, that is quite hard. You have
:14:02. > :14:06.to work doubly hard. It is a slightly different technique.
:14:06. > :14:10.have inspired so many people. Lots of people got in contact with us,
:14:10. > :14:15.wanting to do what you are doing. The numbers are limited from a
:14:15. > :14:20.teaching perspective, but there are other things you can do. We have
:14:20. > :14:24.put a link up. There are loads of ideas on our website. If you want
:14:24. > :14:26.to volunteer, there are some postcodes specific ideas, and there
:14:26. > :14:31.are other ideas for people over the age of 50.
:14:31. > :14:34.And now, when Christine Walkden was invited the pan as garden, she
:14:34. > :14:41.found the green fingered poet had a very specific technique when it
:14:41. > :14:45.comes to planting. Paul, you know Pam quite well. What do you think
:14:45. > :14:55.is her gardening technique? On it all in and don't care about the
:14:55. > :14:58.
:14:58. > :15:05.Quiet please. Kindly, don't impede my concentration. I am sitting in
:15:05. > :15:10.the garden, thinking thoughts of propagation. Of nurturing the
:15:10. > :15:15.fruits that my work will bare and the place will not know what has
:15:16. > :15:20.hit it, once I get up from me chair! Pam Ayres and her husband
:15:20. > :15:26.have lived on this Gloucester farm for 25 years. From the look of it,
:15:26. > :15:32.there has been a lot of nurturing going on.
:15:32. > :15:36.I'm not much of a planner, really. My great aim is to bring insect
:15:36. > :15:40.noose the garden. As and when I read something or see a plant that
:15:41. > :15:47.is good for wildlife, I tend to buy it and bung it in. There is a
:15:47. > :15:54.structure, as you can see, but there is a lot of bunking in that
:15:54. > :15:57.goes on! I love bunged in! Now, you bunged in this remarkably well. It
:15:57. > :16:03.is so much easier to grow than lavender.
:16:03. > :16:09.I know and the bees love it. It is so much easier to grow. Everyone
:16:09. > :16:15.think it is is lavender. It is such good value. It is cheap, easy-going.
:16:15. > :16:21.It stands on a north wall. You don't have to fiddle to it or
:16:21. > :16:28.pander to it. You just have to bung it in! This is not a working farm,
:16:28. > :16:34.but animals of all sorts live here. And hidden away from them is a
:16:34. > :16:39.secret walled garden. So, the veggie garden? Yes, this is a
:16:39. > :16:47.vegetable garden. You can tell from this place, Pam
:16:47. > :16:53.knows her way around a runner bean. I am the youngest of six children,
:16:53. > :16:59.my dad grew all of our vegetables. At the back of our garden there was
:16:59. > :17:06.another huge garden. The man was always gardening, he would produce
:17:06. > :17:12.an abundance of vegetables in season. Dad would try to enthuse us,
:17:12. > :17:17.but I was bored by it. But when I moved away in my 20s, I
:17:17. > :17:23.never wanted to buy a tired old vegetable from somebody elgs, so I
:17:23. > :17:33.started to grow my own in my own garden when I was about 22 - not
:17:33. > :17:37.
:17:37. > :17:42.long ago, really! Absolutely! Look at those splend id flowers? I know.
:17:42. > :17:46.And the bees and the butterflies love them. I tell you what,
:17:46. > :17:50.Christine, I have started -- started to dead-head them. The only
:17:50. > :17:58.thing is you need to be very, very tall.
:17:58. > :18:01.Or good on a ladder? Or a pogo stick! Pam's favourite spot is here,
:18:01. > :18:07.looking out over the ponds and the fields.
:18:07. > :18:14.Has your life turned out as you expected it to? No. I did not have
:18:14. > :18:18.expectations. I was not a planner, but I did have an driving -- a
:18:19. > :18:23.driving ambition to be a performer. I loved the idea of being a
:18:23. > :18:28.performer. Because I have a cranky country accent. I have a funny
:18:28. > :18:32.sense of humour. I like write being small things, like the husband that
:18:32. > :18:38.know it is all. I was then able to put things together with that. It
:18:38. > :18:43.seemed to work. Did you ever dream about living on
:18:43. > :18:50.a farm? I did dream about living on a farm, but I only thought it would
:18:50. > :18:56.ever be a dream. I used to ride a pony in the village where I lived
:18:57. > :19:02.once, at the Manor Farm. I loved it. So craved to be in that environment,
:19:02. > :19:06.but I never thought I would be lucky enough to acquire one. I know
:19:06. > :19:11.every tree, stick, detail of the place here now. I cannot imagine
:19:11. > :19:16.not having it. It would be heartbreaking.
:19:16. > :19:22.She is so warm and lovely. So perfectly matched to the place
:19:22. > :19:28.where she lives. Yes, but one of the questions that Christine asked
:19:28. > :19:33.was had Pam's life turned out the way she expected it to, what about
:19:33. > :19:38.yours? I don't know, when I was young I wanted to be in comedy. I
:19:38. > :19:44.could not have predicted it lasting as long as this. Have I Got News
:19:44. > :19:49.For You has lasted 20 years. It is a long time. I'm immensely pleased,
:19:49. > :19:54.it has lasted all the way up to this evening, this could be the
:19:54. > :19:59.programme that kills it forever. You went to the circus? Yes, I went
:19:59. > :20:04.to the circus, I saw people, they said not to do that. Then I would
:20:04. > :20:10.see adults dressed in boots, throwing sausages at each other,
:20:10. > :20:14.throwing buckets of water. I loved You have been out on the road with
:20:14. > :20:19.On The Road. You came on the last time to talk about Out Of My Head.
:20:19. > :20:26.It is coming to the West End from October? It is.
:20:26. > :20:30.The blush describes it as "lovingly honed"? Well, we did 50 shows in
:20:30. > :20:37.the spring. Over 50 shows you develop things. Things change, you
:20:37. > :20:43.drop it if it is not good. It took ten gigs for one joke to work. It
:20:43. > :20:49.did, then, but it is like a moving jigsaw. That bit is OK, then this
:20:49. > :20:56.bit is not. You tink irwith it. That was fascinating as opposed to
:20:56. > :21:03.the improvised stuff. This has props, cues, so lots going on.
:21:03. > :21:09.Is that nerve-wracking for you? is. You don't know how it is going
:21:09. > :21:14.to work. You have to hope a lot. So it is nerve-wracking, but the sense
:21:14. > :21:20.of achievement after is enormous. You have not done stand-up for 14
:21:20. > :21:27.years? Something like that I did a solo stand-up tour 14 years ago. It
:21:27. > :21:31.was a tired cliche, listening to the buzz of the audience, while I'm
:21:31. > :21:37.having a cup of tea, liking like the most miserable person in the
:21:37. > :21:42.venue. There must be a better way to do it. There is, but this show
:21:42. > :21:48.is more social. Is it a massive difference
:21:48. > :21:54.withstand-up and improv? Improv is easier. The stand-up is hard.
:21:54. > :21:58.Why? It is funny, if you do an improvised show, the audience
:21:58. > :22:03.expect it. They buy that fact. When it is a written show it needs
:22:03. > :22:07.certain things. So a joke, you write a joke, now, if you give the
:22:07. > :22:12.audience too much information it sounds too corny. If you don't make
:22:12. > :22:16.the point that A is related to B, they don't know what you are
:22:16. > :22:19.talking about. So there must abgap that they have jumped themselves.
:22:19. > :22:26.So give them a certain amount of information, but not too much. That
:22:26. > :22:31.is difficult to judge. Doing it in front of a live audience is the
:22:31. > :22:35.best way. Until you get out there and try it, you don't know.
:22:35. > :22:40.Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they just look at you.
:22:40. > :22:47.You say that improv keeps you "match fit", as it keeps your mind
:22:47. > :22:52.ticking? It does. I do a regular show at the Comedy Store. Things
:22:52. > :22:59.like Have I Got News For You which is improvised. When they come along,
:22:59. > :23:05.I feel like I've done lots of improvisation. When I do the comedy
:23:05. > :23:10.store, I feel rusty. It is good the improv. It keeps you alert.
:23:10. > :23:14.Are you starting to rehearse? Yes a director coming in, John
:23:15. > :23:19.Nicholson. I am looking forward to it, but it is unlike the improv,
:23:19. > :23:25.there is so much to look forward to and fear that it may not work, but
:23:25. > :23:28.so far, so good. Well, Out Of My Head is on at the
:23:28. > :23:32.Vaudeville Theatre in London from the 1st to the 20th of October. Now
:23:32. > :23:37.to the weather. Of course, lots of people like to complain about it,
:23:37. > :23:43.but when you do, spare a thought for the men and the women working
:23:43. > :23:48.out on the oil rigs in the North Sea. Out there drastic changes in
:23:48. > :23:53.conditions can happen in a matter of minutes. Marc McCarroll explains.
:23:53. > :23:58.It is one of the most inhospitable workplaces in the world. Where the
:23:59. > :24:03.weather is often violent and always unpredictable.
:24:03. > :24:08.We are all used to changing weather, but out in the North Sea, the rigs
:24:08. > :24:15.can be hit by several severe weather systems in a single day.
:24:15. > :24:18.Because of its location, the North Sea is a hostile environment,
:24:18. > :24:24.bombarded by different weather systems battering it from both the
:24:24. > :24:29.Atlantic and the Arctic. In summer, the warm winds blow over the cold
:24:29. > :24:34.waters to create the har, a Scots word describing the sea mist and
:24:34. > :24:40.fog that smothers visibility. Winter brings the lows of cold air
:24:40. > :24:46.that hit the warmer sea, that creates a short-lived storm. That
:24:46. > :24:53.is not all. Storm surges build within hours. In squally conditions
:24:53. > :24:57.they build in minutes, bringing with them gales of up to 90 mph and
:24:57. > :25:02.waves that can reach nearly 20 metres high. Out here getting to
:25:02. > :25:05.work is a battle against the elements. Crews change shifts by
:25:05. > :25:11.helicopter, preparation is all. Over 30 years, the helicopter
:25:11. > :25:18.accidents in the North Sea have caused 110 deaths. Today, there are
:25:18. > :25:22.more res crews than fatalities, with the pilot training playing a
:25:22. > :25:28.crucial part in the successes. This helly centre is as close to the
:25:28. > :25:34.real thing as you can get. Chris puts the pilots through their paces.
:25:34. > :25:36.Chris, there is driving rain, poor conditions? Yes, we set up the
:25:36. > :25:41.simulator to represent the conditions that the pilot would see
:25:41. > :25:46.and the point where he has to make a decision whether to land or fly
:25:46. > :25:50.away from the ground. It is important to expose the pilot to
:25:50. > :25:56.the conditions, and to stimulate their decision-making process.
:25:56. > :26:01.We are going the wrong way! There we go. We landed.
:26:01. > :26:11.And it is not just the helicopters, every aspect of the oil industry
:26:11. > :26:12.
:26:13. > :26:17.has its risks. On December 27th 195, disaster struck the oil platform,
:26:18. > :26:22.Sea Gem. The steel legs gave way and the structure sank into the
:26:22. > :26:28.waters. Nearly half of those on board lost their lives. Kevin was
:26:28. > :26:32.won of the few who survived. I had been on board about half an
:26:32. > :26:35.hour. There were two huge explosions or cracks.
:26:35. > :26:39.I knew straight away that something was radically wrong.
:26:39. > :26:47.So I decided then that the best thing to do was to get off it.
:26:47. > :26:53.Which, -- which I did. It was freezing. We had a jumper on and
:26:53. > :26:58.slacks and I had slippers on. I had no time to get anything else.
:26:58. > :27:05.A public inquiry concluded that the probably cause of the disaster was
:27:05. > :27:10.metal fatigue, the cold waters had taken their toll on the structure.
:27:11. > :27:16.Hard lessons were learned. Today with the new rigs, insurers insist
:27:16. > :27:21.that a meteorologist is on board, but before they get to the sea, the
:27:21. > :27:26.engineers put themselves to work building platforms that are as
:27:26. > :27:31.weather-proof as possible. Here in Newcastle they are building a new
:27:31. > :27:36.rig, 5,5,000 tons of metal, the legs have been given a layer of
:27:36. > :27:40.specialist paint to protect them against the salty air, improving
:27:40. > :27:45.its defences against the temperatures of minus 50 to plus 50
:27:45. > :27:50.Celsius. You have to design these things to
:27:50. > :27:54.withstand massive wave and wind blowing. Some models anticipate the
:27:54. > :27:58.type of wave that may come along only once in every 10,000 years.
:27:58. > :28:03.That must be in place to have a safe structure that is going to
:28:03. > :28:07.stay there and make it is safe workplace for people.
:28:07. > :28:11.Today there are 283 platforms in production in UK waters. Their
:28:11. > :28:14.safety relies on the expertise of engineers, cruise and
:28:14. > :28:18.meteorologists. They will never completely weather-proof the
:28:18. > :28:22.industry, but they have learned from the mistakes of the past and
:28:22. > :28:27.work to ensure that they can deal with everything that nature throws
:28:27. > :28:32.at them. This work is essential to the safety of the 22,000 men and
:28:32. > :28:40.women working off our shores. Thank you very much, Marc McCarroll.
:28:40. > :28:46.Alright, improv time. Oil rig, ten seconds, go! What do you mean? Oil
:28:46. > :28:52.rig, well, I can do it in a minute. Oil rigs invented by Professor Oil