:00:17. > :00:24.Hello and welcome to the One Show with Gabby Logan. And Matt Baker. I
:00:25. > :00:30.haven't been here for a while. Can you tell me a bit about where
:00:31. > :00:42.tonight is going to start? Sorry, I haven't a clue! Stop it! From Sorry
:00:43. > :00:49.I Haven't A Clue, welcome to Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jeremy
:00:50. > :00:56.Hardy and Graeme Garden. I felt like I was a Radio 4 announcer! The show
:00:57. > :01:03.has been blogging for over 40 years. All right! It is incredibly
:01:04. > :01:09.popular. Can anyone of you begin to describe the madness and what the
:01:10. > :01:13.show is all about? The original idea was to do a comedy show without a
:01:14. > :01:18.prescription. Basically, get people to do silly things, set as if it was
:01:19. > :01:23.a game show. It was a parody of panel games as they used to be 40
:01:24. > :01:27.years ago. The Radio Times says it is the antidote to panel games. 40
:01:28. > :01:32.years later, it is kind of the template for panel games now. We'll
:01:33. > :01:39.be talking about that point a little bit later. The man who also features
:01:40. > :01:45.in the programme is your pianist, Colin Sell. Frankly, Colin usually
:01:46. > :01:54.never gets a edgeways. Poor Colin! Tonight, we are going to give Colin
:01:55. > :02:01.aid for use. -- a voice. He hasn't got a voice. He hasn't got a
:02:02. > :02:13.microphone or anything. It would seem the microphone is in vain. He
:02:14. > :02:19.doesn't like it. He spoke! He's never been the same since he found
:02:20. > :02:23.the lid opens. They will be doing most of the talking throughout the
:02:24. > :02:27.evening about their new tour. It will feature all of the old
:02:28. > :02:30.favourites, such as the Uxbridge English Dictionary, in which the
:02:31. > :02:37.team come up with new definitions for current words. To get you into
:02:38. > :02:44.that home, we'd like to put you to the test now. We will kick off with
:02:45. > :02:55.Jeremy was pandemonium. It's a musical instrument that won't breed
:02:56. > :03:07.in captivity. OK. Barry, go for it. Binge. Where Sean Connery puts his
:03:08. > :03:15.rubbish. Graeme, definite. Its street slang for hard of hearing.
:03:16. > :03:27.Finish us off with Arsenal. The whole body. Think about it.
:03:28. > :03:30.Brilliant! Or just an underperforming football team. If
:03:31. > :03:36.you can do any better at home, we'd like to hear from you. Come up with
:03:37. > :03:52.definitions for the following words. Macaroon. Parsnip. And finally,
:03:53. > :03:57.deduce. That got some reaction. E-mail us at the usual address,
:03:58. > :04:01.theoneshow@bbc.co.uk. We will be doubt the best later. Put your name
:04:02. > :04:05.on and where you are from. The honesty of the public has been
:04:06. > :04:08.called into question this week, with the news that WH Smith is scrapping
:04:09. > :04:11.some of it so called honesty box is scrapping some of it so called
:04:12. > :04:14.honesty boxes at stations and airports. Phil Tufnell has more
:04:15. > :04:19.faith in people and was prepared to put his money where his mouth is.
:04:20. > :04:23.Everybody loves and honesty box but apparently sometimes for the wrong
:04:24. > :04:28.reasons. So we've come to Bromley to set up our very own honesty box,
:04:29. > :04:34.full of umbrellas, to see what happens. Let the experiment begin!
:04:35. > :04:45.We've got one. He's had a look, no. A bit like fly fishing, just running
:04:46. > :04:53.the old fly across the fish's knows. Come on, someone take a bite.
:04:54. > :04:59.Someone has gone in there. I think they've put the money in the job.
:05:00. > :05:05.Let's have a word with them. Did you put your money in? We put a pound in
:05:06. > :05:10.each. What do you think about honesty boxes, are you honest? We
:05:11. > :05:14.are, but as we walked away we thought someone would make the money
:05:15. > :05:21.out of the pot. We feel good that we've been honest, and now we are on
:05:22. > :05:27.TV for it. We've got some more takers.
:05:28. > :05:37.Where rain. Got one. Do you think honesty boxes are a good thing?
:05:38. > :05:44.Guess, if there's enough people to be honest. As a nation, do you think
:05:45. > :05:51.we are quite honest? The majority of people. It's OK with umbrellas,
:05:52. > :05:56.perhaps not diamonds all jewellery! Someone has pinched a brolly, we are
:05:57. > :06:02.two quid short. Would you leave your balloons with a little box? I
:06:03. > :06:06.couldn't do that. Would they be gone? I think they are going for it.
:06:07. > :06:11.I'm not quite sure what happened there but I think someone put some
:06:12. > :06:15.money in the jar and didn't take an umbrella. He thought it was a
:06:16. > :06:21.charity box. Yes. I didn't think I was going to get an umbrella out of
:06:22. > :06:26.it. We owe you an umbrella. You've given us the money, so I'm going to
:06:27. > :06:37.get you your umbrella. Let's have a little count up. We should have 20
:06:38. > :06:43.quid here. Two, three, 18, ?19.20. Minus the ?1.50 from the chap who
:06:44. > :06:47.didn't take a brolly and he thought was a charity box, we are about
:06:48. > :06:52.three or four quid light. It's quite a good effort, we're quite an honest
:06:53. > :06:57.nation. I'm a big fan of the honesty box. Can any of you be trusted with
:06:58. > :07:04.an honesty box, have you used one? I collect them.
:07:05. > :07:13.I have them outside my shows. If you thought it was funny, put a coin in
:07:14. > :07:19.here. It rarely rattles. I thought it was like a swear box. If you say,
:07:20. > :07:26.you do look fat in that, then you have to put a quid in. You have to
:07:27. > :07:34.put a little bit more in if you haven't got change. I put more in.
:07:35. > :07:41.We are stupid! You and Graeme were the original founders. How did it
:07:42. > :07:47.come about? It came about because Tim and I were involved in a radio
:07:48. > :07:56.show, which was called, I'm sorry, I'll Read that again. It was a
:07:57. > :08:01.sketch show. There is an eclectic mix of age and our audience this
:08:02. > :08:07.evening. Some of them aren't going to last the winter! It's badly paid
:08:08. > :08:13.and you have to write more to fill the half-hour. This was a way round
:08:14. > :08:17.it. Bill Oddie and I were writing the radio series, we got work on
:08:18. > :08:22.television as well. We thought, we don't have time to write the radio,
:08:23. > :08:26.so why don't we do it without a prescription? The way to do would be
:08:27. > :08:29.to base it on a panel game but have ludicrous games and hopefully the
:08:30. > :08:32.funny people will write their scripts as they go along. The
:08:33. > :08:40.original series had John Cleese, Bill Oddie, me, Tim in it, John
:08:41. > :08:44.dropped out. Led the way for the likes of Mock The Week and Have I
:08:45. > :08:48.Got News For You. In what ways do you think your show has influenced
:08:49. > :08:55.the modern panel show as we know it? Wii I think it has a very well
:08:56. > :08:58.thought out chaos. It's at its best when it's falling apart. We don't
:08:59. > :09:06.know what each other is going to come up with. No formula really.
:09:07. > :09:10.What I like is none of us are trying to outdo the others, we are just
:09:11. > :09:14.trying to keep the ball is in the air. That's one of the things that
:09:15. > :09:19.attracts over 2 million people a week to the show. It's incredible
:09:20. > :09:22.for that longevity, to have that faithful audience that will come and
:09:23. > :09:32.go throughout time, people are going to grow into the show. People grow
:09:33. > :09:36.into Radio 4. Arthur Smith did a gig near where I live and he pointed out
:09:37. > :09:40.some young ones in the audience and said, do you listen to Radio 4? This
:09:41. > :09:45.young guy said, no. He said, you will all stop We were talking about
:09:46. > :09:49.the environment that people like to sit in when they are listening to
:09:50. > :09:55.your show and what kind of mood it puts them in. From Bromley, we've
:09:56. > :10:00.got Janet in the audience. Just tell us what situation you are in when
:10:01. > :10:06.you are listening to the lads. It seems like a long time now. We've
:10:07. > :10:10.been going to something called practical philosophy, where we have
:10:11. > :10:14.a meditation group. But on our way from Chislehurst, Bromley, near
:10:15. > :10:18.where we live, to Croydon, to get to our group, we always have your show
:10:19. > :10:25.on. We can be in absolute stitches when we get there. We park, and then
:10:26. > :10:33.when we go in its all gone and we meditate. Puts them in perfect state
:10:34. > :10:39.for the meditation. A lot of people listening to the show have to have
:10:40. > :10:45.counselling! We've already had some people with Uxbridge dictionary
:10:46. > :10:59.definitions coming in. Steve e-mailed us, did use, what you get
:11:00. > :11:08.when you squeeze de oranges. Anne Clough said it is dad's vasectomy.
:11:09. > :11:17.That is going to raise quite a few questions from our younger viewers.
:11:18. > :11:24.Golfing one is forebear. You wouldn't want an average vasectomy,
:11:25. > :11:31.pick the best. This tour, is that similar to what we would hear on the
:11:32. > :11:36.radio? Very similar. We do two halves like you do in the theatre,
:11:37. > :11:44.we almost pretend they are two recordings. Is it recorded? It's
:11:45. > :11:51.not. Does that mean you can be a bit more risque? We are naked. Is that
:11:52. > :11:54.not usually the case on radio? With compliance these days you can't be
:11:55. > :12:11.naked. They've cracked down hard on that. Have you got rock 'n' roll
:12:12. > :12:18.riders? Werther's Originals. It's a visual feast, it's a spectacular. To
:12:19. > :12:23.be honest, you don't really know what is going to happen on these
:12:24. > :12:27.evenings. You can get tickets to see it, they are on sale at the moment.
:12:28. > :12:37.The next stop is Newcastle on Tuesday. You will have to wear your
:12:38. > :12:42.blinker. You are nicking their gags. You can get arrested for that these
:12:43. > :12:45.days. Gull next week we've got Jerry Springer on the show, but did you
:12:46. > :12:49.know that Jerry Springer was actually born in a London
:12:50. > :12:59.Underground station. It's not Mornington Crescent. Born or
:13:00. > :13:04.conceived? He was born. Conceived at turn's green. We would love to hear
:13:05. > :13:09.from you if you were born in a very unusual place, definitely not a
:13:10. > :13:13.hospital or house. Tell us your stories at the usual e-mail address,
:13:14. > :13:18.theoneshow@bbc.co.uk. Any unusual birth stories from you. At any of
:13:19. > :13:29.you got one to contribute? I was born in Aberdeen. Just to confirm,
:13:30. > :13:32.we are not joking about this. We do seriously want your birth stories.
:13:33. > :13:41.There's not a huge amount of science in the marking system in Sorry I
:13:42. > :13:45.Haven't A Clue. In that there's not much of a marking system. But an
:13:46. > :13:52.awful lot of thought went into how another game was scored, years, in
:13:53. > :13:59.fact. Which evil wizard invented this infuriated thing? You aim for
:14:00. > :14:02.20 and what do you get? One. The numbers are cleverly arranged all
:14:03. > :14:06.over the door dash back the dart board to reduce your chance of
:14:07. > :14:11.getting a high score. But who was the wretched man who came up with
:14:12. > :14:16.it? The legend is his name was Brian Gamblin, and he dream did up in
:14:17. > :14:21.1896. I have come to bury in Lancashire, because that is where
:14:22. > :14:25.I'm told he's from. Berry are so proud of their famous son they've
:14:26. > :14:31.even said it in flowers, 5000 of them, topped with three giant darts.
:14:32. > :14:34.This display won a national award in 2009. But they are bragging about
:14:35. > :14:41.someone they know very little about. They know he was a carpenter. Beyond
:14:42. > :14:45.that, nothing. I thought the library archives would tell us more. They've
:14:46. > :14:49.given me all the back issues of the local paper for the whole of 1896,
:14:50. > :15:00.when the dartboard was supposed to have been invented. Guess what I'm
:15:01. > :15:07.of the words Gamlin and dartboard do not appear. Perhaps its descendants
:15:08. > :15:11.are still here. No. Who ever he was, darts took off as a national
:15:12. > :15:15.sport in the 1920s. The day championship games on TV draw huge
:15:16. > :15:20.audiences. It's reckoned that 7 million of us play regularly. And
:15:21. > :15:25.it's become a world sport, played in 60 countries. Bullseye has even
:15:26. > :15:29.entered the language in Mongolia. Most people take the jumble of
:15:30. > :15:33.numbers for granted, but statisticians save the layout is
:15:34. > :15:37.close on perfect to punish inaccuracy. Look at the penalties if
:15:38. > :15:43.you missed the high numbers. Missed 20 and you get five or one. The 17
:15:44. > :15:46.sits between three and two. Professor David Percy says they
:15:47. > :15:52.could have been configured in millions of ways.
:15:53. > :16:02.There we are. This sector can take 20 numbers. This one can take 19
:16:03. > :16:07.numbers. THAT can be 18 and so on. Multiply those together to get 20
:16:08. > :16:15.factorial... What about the people who have made a living out of it?
:16:16. > :16:20.This must be the place. King of Darts, Bobby George, please. One of
:16:21. > :16:24.our best-known internationals, the king, says the secret to good darts
:16:25. > :16:29.is not hitting the target, but also knowing the hundreds of number
:16:30. > :16:34.combinations by heart. Let's see the master in action. He is showing me
:16:35. > :16:38.501 where you count back to zero but have to end on a double on the outer
:16:39. > :16:44.ring. When he misses, he knows instantly how to recover. You have
:16:45. > :16:54.61 left, treble 15, double 8. If you hit the 15, leaves you 46. You have
:16:55. > :16:59.10 or a a 6 there. If you hit the 10, double 18. You don't see the
:17:00. > :17:04.numbers. They come out. If there is anything the king doesn't know about
:17:05. > :17:09.the board, meet Dr Darts. He is the only person in the world to hold a
:17:10. > :17:16.PhD in darts. Determined to find out more about Gamblin, he's spent weeks
:17:17. > :17:21.ploughing through the death records for the whole of Lancashire. Guess
:17:22. > :17:25.what? I could find nothing. So, in the end, I made the natural
:17:26. > :17:32.assumption that the man didn't exist. So, if he didn't exist, who
:17:33. > :17:39.was the genius behind our dartboard? I think it was a guy called Thomas
:17:40. > :17:45.Buckle. He lived in Yorkshire. I found he became a dartboard maker in
:17:46. > :17:50.the trade directories, so there was more to sustain the Buckle story.
:17:51. > :17:53.You had the family context. You had the evidence through the record
:17:54. > :18:01.office, through the trade directory, that this man existed. Your money is
:18:02. > :18:09.on him? My money's on Bucking. -- Buckle. Best not to mention that
:18:10. > :18:14.scurrilous notion in these parts. Brian Gamblin may have been from
:18:15. > :18:19.Bury and may have vented the dartboard, but it was Bury St
:18:20. > :18:23.Edmunds! I can hear people screaming at the telly now in Lancashire!
:18:24. > :18:28.Believe whatever you want to. We have been inundated with all these
:18:29. > :18:31.people coming in with the Uxbridge English Dictionary words. What about
:18:32. > :18:39.this one - deduce. A stammering tennis umpire. Good lad! Patricia
:18:40. > :18:43.has gone along with the golfing theme on parsnip. Golfer's haircut.
:18:44. > :18:48.Very good. Music plays a big part in the show. Colin is here. Let's have
:18:49. > :18:53.another round of applause for Colin. APPLAUSE
:18:54. > :18:58.Barry, can you explain? Title is self-explanatory. One song to the
:18:59. > :19:01.tune of another? It is self-explanatory. That is what it
:19:02. > :19:08.says on the tin! A particularly favourite of mine is My Old Man's A
:19:09. > :19:17.Dustbin to the tune of Heartbreak Hotel. We have another gem coming up
:19:18. > :19:25.now - One Tune To Another. It is one of the better ones. What is it?
:19:26. > :19:36.Tim's solo! It's Girlfriend in a Coma to Tiptoe Through The Tulips.
:19:37. > :19:39.Oh! Let's have a go then. # Girlfriend in a coma
:19:40. > :19:41.# I know I know # That it's serious
:19:42. > :19:46.# So girlfriend # In the coma
:19:47. > :19:49.# I know. # I know
:19:50. > :19:52.# It's really serious # There were times when
:19:53. > :19:54.# I could have murdered her # But you know
:19:55. > :20:00.# I hate anything # To happen to her.
:20:01. > :20:05.# Do you # Really think she'll pull through
:20:06. > :20:09.# Do you # Really think she'll pull through
:20:10. > :20:11.# Oh # Girlfriend
:20:12. > :20:13.# In the coma # I know I know
:20:14. > :20:28.# Yes, it's serious # Yes, it's
:20:29. > :20:33.# Oh my. # Let's keep on that musical theme.
:20:34. > :20:38.Karaoke-Cokey. Audience, you have been issued with kazoos. Please
:20:39. > :20:42.insert them carefully and correctly. And what will happen is you will
:20:43. > :20:46.play a tune which will be displayed to you using the digital laser
:20:47. > :20:51.display board provided by the BBC and we will try and guess what you
:20:52. > :20:58.are playing. We have no idea and we will guess and if we get it right,
:20:59. > :21:05.we will press the buzzer. A genuine, antique BBC buzzer. This is amazing.
:21:06. > :21:10.You win nothing at all! You can play along at home. Tonight, we are
:21:11. > :21:16.honoured to be joined by one of the world record-breaking kazoo team.
:21:17. > :21:18.Who would that be? ME! Brilliant. High-five. Let's do this. Take it
:21:19. > :21:43.away, Colin. You have to buzz! That's three
:21:44. > :21:50.buzzes. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
:21:51. > :21:57.Well done to all of our kazoo players. We are going to go live to
:21:58. > :22:02.a special guest to intro our next film. You are on, Morph! Do the
:22:03. > :22:25.link. Do the link! My father was Tony Hart, TV artist
:22:26. > :22:30.and children's presenter. And he presented and drew on children's
:22:31. > :22:36.programmes for almost 50 years during his career. The programme I
:22:37. > :22:44.remember best of all was Vision On. The music is very evocative. Not
:22:45. > :22:48.just of my childhood, but many childhoods because Pa was drawing
:22:49. > :22:56.for so long on TV. I'm not going to ice a cake. What I'm going to do is
:22:57. > :23:00.going to be completely inedible. My father would find art in it somehow
:23:01. > :23:04.or he would use it to create drawings or pictures, useful
:23:05. > :23:07.implements from the kitchen did have a habit of disappearing. Many of
:23:08. > :23:11.these things would turn up in the studio covered in paint. After
:23:12. > :23:14.breakfast, usually the Sunday morning when we would have a boiled
:23:15. > :23:20.egg, when your egg was finished, you would turn the shell upside-down and
:23:21. > :23:31.draw a face on it. That's something that goes on in our family to this
:23:32. > :23:35.very day. E When my father came out of the Army, he studied art. From
:23:36. > :23:40.there, he went to London. He went to a party and he met a producer who
:23:41. > :23:45.was looking for an artist who could draw quickly for a programme called
:23:46. > :23:49.Saturday Special. Pa drew on a paper napkin and the producer said,
:23:50. > :23:53."You're hired! " My father was involved with quite a number of
:23:54. > :23:59.programmes. He designed the Blue Peter ship. I was most aware of Pa's
:24:00. > :24:04.popularity by the reaction of my school mates and I would say my
:24:05. > :24:09.father is Tony Hart, the artist on TV. And they wouldn't believe me. So
:24:10. > :24:13.I would have to ask him to come and pick-me-up from school so I could
:24:14. > :24:18.show him and say, "There, it is true, he is my Dad! " There were so
:24:19. > :24:22.many inserts that went into Vision On. Quite a lot of them were filmed
:24:23. > :24:27.at the house. If I was at home, that was hugely exciting - loved it.
:24:28. > :24:36.There was one occasion when I had to help and it was brilliant. This
:24:37. > :24:41.place is very important to my father because it was founded by two young
:24:42. > :24:44.men who created a company called Aardman Animations after one of the
:24:45. > :24:48.characters they created which was used in Vision On. They of course
:24:49. > :24:52.went on to produce Wallace and Gromit and they have gone on from
:24:53. > :25:00.strength to strength. When Vision On came to an end, my father's producer
:25:01. > :25:07.said the format is lovely but we need something alongside you, not
:25:08. > :25:11.someone, but something. Morph, do you think that is a good idea? From
:25:12. > :25:19.then on, my father's name was synonymous with Morph.
:25:20. > :25:27.We're making a Morph. Always! For me, it is almost like a nervous
:25:28. > :25:31.habit. Many people always assume that it was Pa who invented Morph.
:25:32. > :25:43.Does this upset you at all? Not at all. Not at all, no. Oh. A Tony
:25:44. > :25:47.Morph! For you. Thank you so much. He once said when somebody asked
:25:48. > :25:51.him, you should never work with children or animals, or plasticine.
:25:52. > :26:03.Yes. Pa continued to work right up to
:26:04. > :26:08.2000. After my mother died, which was a tremendous shock, he had had
:26:09. > :26:13.several small strokes and that resulted in the loss of the use of
:26:14. > :26:18.his right hand which meant, of course, he could no longer draw. He
:26:19. > :26:22.was in hospital and then I woke up in the early hours of the morning, I
:26:23. > :26:25.could hear the phone doing a strange beep which meant there was a message
:26:26. > :26:31.left and it was the hospital to say he had gone. All the people who,
:26:32. > :26:38.even today they will come and find me and say, "I'm an art teacher, I'm
:26:39. > :26:42.an illustrator and I am this thing because of your Dad." That is just
:26:43. > :26:50.the most wonderful legacy he could possibly have left. Well, he was a
:26:51. > :26:58.real inspiration for me. Isn't the family resemblance striking.
:26:59. > :27:05.Following a campaign, Aardman Animations are to release 15 Morph
:27:06. > :27:10.animations to be shown in the summer.
:27:11. > :27:15.Owen is part of the Tap Attack attack. How come we are so good at
:27:16. > :27:18.this? We work together and it is such a close family. The
:27:19. > :27:23.choreographers are great. This routine was choreographed... We are
:27:24. > :27:27.going to see a bit. So get ready to do it.
:27:28. > :27:31.It will be brilliant. To all of our guests tonight, you can see I'm
:27:32. > :27:32.Sorry I Haven't A Clue on tour right now. We are going to leave you with
:27:33. > :27:36.Tap Attack. Take it away, guys!