:00:18. > :00:26.Well, hello and welcome to our very last day at the Edinburgh Festivals
:00:27. > :00:32.with Jack Docherty. And Alex Jones. It wasn't that bad, was it? I
:00:33. > :00:37.couldn't be without you. We have been very lucky, because the sun
:00:38. > :00:41.came back, the view of the castle is back, looking gorgeous. Scotland is
:00:42. > :00:47.always this beautiful, yesterday was an aberration. It has been a
:00:48. > :00:58.fantastic couple of days, our guests tonight, one is an Iranian comic who
:00:59. > :01:11.calls in celebration marked. -- schmuck. Please welcome Rula Lenska
:01:12. > :01:18.and Omid Djalili! Welcome, both. Welcome. Lovely to have you with us
:01:19. > :01:35.on our last day. Rula, I understand your character is called Katya...
:01:36. > :01:41.Katya Kokov. Not even Ian Fleming would have risked that name! She is
:01:42. > :01:46.from Moldova, most people think it is a made up country, but in fact it
:01:47. > :01:51.is a real country. My co-host says to me at one point, you are dressed
:01:52. > :01:57.to kill, and I say the last time I was dressed to kilt was when the KGB
:01:58. > :02:00.was decommissioned. And this is in your show all about Eurovision,
:02:01. > :02:06.which we will talk about later, it sounds hysterical. And we have it on
:02:07. > :02:11.good authority, Omid, that you open your show in Edinburgh with a
:02:12. > :02:16.Scottish accent, which is brave. No pressure! Nobody is Scottish here!
:02:17. > :02:21.Thank you... The kind of people who come and see my show at four
:02:22. > :02:25.o'clock, and by the way it is called Schmuck For A Night, and only a
:02:26. > :02:28.schmuck would do a show called Schmuck For A Night and start at
:02:29. > :02:34.four in the afternoon. I thought that would get a laugh! But it was
:02:35. > :02:41.basically the four o'clock crowd are people who where comfortable shoes
:02:42. > :02:46.and light rainwear. We don't see ethnic, we just see not a English.
:02:47. > :03:02.Could we hear the accent? There was a bit of it there! His funniness is
:03:03. > :03:09.legendary, by which I mean it is a myth. It is a little bit
:03:10. > :03:13.Morningside! 37 Morningside Drive, very specific. We will talk more,
:03:14. > :03:17.and Deacon Blue are playing for us later.
:03:18. > :03:22.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Now, over half a million visitors
:03:23. > :03:25.descend on Edinburgh during the festivals, but of course for many
:03:26. > :03:28.people who live and work in the city, they don't really get to see
:03:29. > :03:32.the shows. We thought we would give three
:03:33. > :03:43.locals the chance to be a critic for the day.
:03:44. > :03:50.I am Graeme, I have lived in Edinburgh all my life. I get about
:03:51. > :03:54.town delivering letters. I would like to take in the festival if I
:03:55. > :04:00.could. I do like comedy, I would like to broaden my horizons a little
:04:01. > :04:13.bit. I do not know what the show is, I am about to find out. Silent Disco
:04:14. > :04:30.Walking Tour. Just follow my lead, you will be fine.
:04:31. > :04:39.IT IS LIKE WE ARE SENDING OUT THE RIGHT VIBRATION!
:04:40. > :04:47.I cannot stands in front of everyone like that, I cannot! Totally weird.
:04:48. > :04:58.You take your ear phones off, everyone is just dancing. It is
:04:59. > :05:01.completely bizarre. I am a big fan of green, so I
:05:02. > :05:17.enjoyed Bohemian Rhapsody. -- Queen. At the end of the union Rhapsody, me
:05:18. > :05:28.in the middle, everyone else to serenade. -- Bohemian Rhapsody. All
:05:29. > :05:46.I could think of was my mate ripping into me at work!
:05:47. > :05:53.My name is Jaz, I work in my dad's shop. It is all going on in
:05:54. > :06:02.Edinburgh right now. I would love to have a night to go out and check the
:06:03. > :06:06.shows. The show that I am going to see is Anything That Gives Off
:06:07. > :06:12.Light. Something to do with theatre, I assume. It actually looks very
:06:13. > :06:14.interesting, bringing in stuff, it has a musical side to it. I think it
:06:15. > :06:24.should be cool. There were a lot of things quite
:06:25. > :06:35.interesting about it, the rhythm, the bass I found really good. I
:06:36. > :06:38.really liked the energy of the performance, the rhythm and music,
:06:39. > :06:48.but overall it was not my cup of tea. My name is Jo, I have lived in
:06:49. > :06:56.Edinburgh for 19 years, I do not get to the festival much because I am
:06:57. > :06:59.driving around tourists. Back of the bus! I am intrigued to see what this
:07:00. > :07:08.is going to be about. I have never had a journey with
:07:09. > :07:28.people dancing on the bus before. We got off the bus, and I wasn't
:07:29. > :07:31.expecting that, it was really funny. It was really good, I would
:07:32. > :07:36.recommend it, it is not something I would normally go and watch, but I
:07:37. > :07:41.was pleasantly surprised, really funny, and I recommend every bus
:07:42. > :07:45.driver go and watch it. They all looked very good, didn't
:07:46. > :07:51.they? But I particularly liked the silent disco, but Graeme was dying
:07:52. > :07:55.of embarrassment in the background, watching himself dancing! And he is
:07:56. > :08:05.quite a hard man to please, so what we did, we were sent in to see your
:08:06. > :08:12.show, Omid. Oh, no, really? You have to remember he is a postman,
:08:13. > :08:16.second-class delivery, Omid. He doesn't push the envelope, no stamp
:08:17. > :08:22.of originality, not the full package, do you see what he is doing
:08:23. > :08:27.with this postman based criticism? I beg to differ! He didn't really say
:08:28. > :08:35.any of that! What did you think? Loved it! Would you like to
:08:36. > :08:42.criticise him as a postman? What did you think of the show? I think you
:08:43. > :08:49.are brilliant! You have got a good look. We are going to let you
:08:50. > :08:52.criticise your own show or not, Rula, because we would like you did
:08:53. > :09:00.tell is all about Eurovision. We have heard about your character, the
:09:01. > :09:02.Russian... Moldovan, darling! It is a gentle spoof on the Eurovision
:09:03. > :09:11.Song Contest, but exactly the way you would think, it is live, ten
:09:12. > :09:21.different participating countries. I thought you might be wearing a
:09:22. > :09:27.costume, Rula! Oh, sorry! This is called My Gypsy Violin. I have never
:09:28. > :09:33.actually seen that. There are ten countries, ranging from Sweden to
:09:34. > :09:42.the Vatican City, and their number is called Temptation. The Ukraine
:09:43. > :09:46.number is called Bang Me. Is there a winner? Different winner every
:09:47. > :09:50.night. At the beginning, everyone is given flags, and they are instructed
:09:51. > :09:53.to vote at the end of the show, after all of them have done their
:09:54. > :09:58.numbers, and then they are told by me in no uncertain terms that you
:09:59. > :10:08.are not allowed to vote for your own country. It is not impossible, but
:10:09. > :10:13.it is illegal! And the UK... We have Morris dancers, all related. And we
:10:14. > :10:17.hated like in the real-life Eurovision? Which country has proven
:10:18. > :10:26.most popular? Three of them, Morocco, which is I Am A Hot Like
:10:27. > :10:31.Vindaloo. Brilliant. Norway, with the Vikings. And the Vatican City,
:10:32. > :10:36.Temptation, so far the most popular, but it is different every night.
:10:37. > :10:40.This is your first time in Edinburgh. First time performing at
:10:41. > :10:45.the festival, yes. How are you finding it, then? I cannot describe
:10:46. > :10:49.how wonderful it has been, it has been like living in a box of the
:10:50. > :10:56.best chocolates, there are not enough hours in the day that nice?
:10:57. > :11:04.APPLAUSE I love your city!
:11:05. > :11:08.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Omid, take it up, praised Edinburgh
:11:09. > :11:13.even more than that, you will get a huge round of applause!
:11:14. > :11:17., Well, I don't know, I got a review once, I got a review that said
:11:18. > :11:22.sitting in this theatre, you see placards of all the famous writers
:11:23. > :11:26.who have had their work performed on this stage, Shakespeare, Marlow,
:11:27. > :11:31.David Mamet. One placard sums of Omid Djalili's show, it reads
:11:32. > :11:40.disabled toilet. LAUGHTER
:11:41. > :11:44.We will come to your show, Schmuck For A Night, shortly, but in the
:11:45. > :11:49.meantime, on Wednesday, our first show in Edinburgh, we spoke about
:11:50. > :11:53.the remake of Porridge. On Sunday night, we can also see a special
:11:54. > :12:01.episode, a new version of Are You Being Served? Before we see a clip,
:12:02. > :12:06.we are going to see what it is like to be the daughter of one of the
:12:07. > :12:14.original cast members, so over to Claire Louise English.
:12:15. > :12:19.My father, Arthur English, he was a gentleman, not at all like the
:12:20. > :12:26.Cockney wide boys that he used to play on TV. This is the new point of
:12:27. > :12:34.sale model... What brought into the public are it was Are You Being
:12:35. > :12:40.Served? He loved all saucy innuendo. His first wife, Ivy, died in 1975,
:12:41. > :12:44.they had 35 years together, and they had two children. A few years later,
:12:45. > :12:49.my dad met my mum, there was quite an age gap, so there were a few
:12:50. > :12:55.raised eyebrows. My dad was in his 60s, my mum was 22, but they fitted
:12:56. > :13:04.like a glove. This is one of his many scrapbooks, and this is what
:13:05. > :13:10.happens next. Me! And me... And more me... I always knew I wanted to act
:13:11. > :13:14.when I was little, and I used to talk to my dad about it, and he gave
:13:15. > :13:19.me a piece of advice, be very careful, he said, it is a dangerous
:13:20. > :13:22.industry with lots of drugs and alcohol around. Dad, I am nine, I
:13:23. > :13:28.have no idea what you are talking about. He loved his job, from the
:13:29. > :13:36.early days at the Windmill with all the dancing girls, lots of panto
:13:37. > :13:45.over the years, and the TV, including In Sickness And In Health.
:13:46. > :13:49.Are You Being Served? Did not finish, they are making a new one
:13:50. > :13:54.special with a new cast, and I am sneaking in to see the final run
:13:55. > :13:57.through. The last time I was on the set, I was six months old, and it is
:13:58. > :14:08.such a pleasure to come back again today. Dad loved playing Mr Harmon,
:14:09. > :14:14.and an IT is played by Arthur Smith. It is clever casting. How do you
:14:15. > :14:20.feel to step into his coat? It is a very similar code, I am probably a
:14:21. > :14:24.bit taller than him, I am a bit nervous, because loads of people
:14:25. > :14:28.have said, I used to love the English, so I feel quite a
:14:29. > :14:33.responsibility, I am a bit nervous. But I will be all right, won't I?
:14:34. > :14:37.You will be great! So we have watched the run through,
:14:38. > :14:43.the audience are in, and it is showtime.
:14:44. > :14:48.Let's see who I can spot, oh, there is the garish hairdo of Mrs
:14:49. > :14:56.Slocombe, not Mollie Sugden anymore, it is Sherrie Hewson. Mr Humphries,
:14:57. > :15:00.camp as ever, Jason Watkins. In dad's day, it was the wonderful John
:15:01. > :15:06.Inman, who was my godfather. And here he is, the star of the show...
:15:07. > :15:11.How do you like them apples?! Where is old frosty knickers? Sadly, my
:15:12. > :15:15.dad never got to see me perform professionally, which is one of my
:15:16. > :15:19.big regrets, and I wish I had been a bit older when I last came to see
:15:20. > :15:20.the programme, because six months was not old enough to appreciate all
:15:21. > :15:37.the subtleties. Ho Ho Ho, little boy. Have I got a
:15:38. > :15:42.surprise for you! I was 14 when dad died in 1995. He was 75 and I think
:15:43. > :15:48.looking back, he knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer.
:15:49. > :15:53.He always used to send me lovely jewellery, like this piece that I am
:15:54. > :15:56.wearing. He sent that to me when I was too young to appreciate it,
:15:57. > :16:02.which was the clue to how he was thinking. He was a good, kind and
:16:03. > :16:13.funny man, and I miss him all the time. Very touching. And we saw the
:16:14. > :16:18.new series of you being served being filmed there. Shall we see a clip
:16:19. > :16:28.from the brand-new episode that is on on Sunday? I'm going to start
:16:29. > :16:36.work today. Which department? Impossible, I'm head of menswear,
:16:37. > :16:48.and he would be under me. Strictly speaking, he would be under me. My
:16:49. > :16:55.pussy had a sneezing fit. After all these years, she has still
:16:56. > :17:02.got the same pet. Why does Mrs Slocum have a budget? But it works
:17:03. > :17:10.so well. Rula, you were saying you did a whole series. Where he played
:17:11. > :17:15.my secretary. I did panto with him twice as well, and we laughed
:17:16. > :17:21.nonstop. And we had Miriam Margulies on the show. She played nanny to my
:17:22. > :17:26.daughter and I spent the whole series with my hands clamped around
:17:27. > :17:30.a little girl's head, because of Miriam's filthy repartee and jokes
:17:31. > :17:46.about God knows what she did to men and women. Enough from you! Any show
:17:47. > :17:50.you would bring back? There was a series in the 70s with Roger Moore
:17:51. > :17:58.and Tony Curtis about two glamorous detectives, called the Persuaders. I
:17:59. > :18:07.thought you would pick the Omid Djalili show. Hosted by staff Ross
:18:08. > :18:11.Flatley. It was a classic. Let's talk about Schmuck For A Night. We
:18:12. > :18:17.have already touched on it. Schmuck, of course meaning idiot in Yiddish.
:18:18. > :18:22.On what grounds, Omid, are you calling yourself a schmuck? First of
:18:23. > :18:31.all, I like to set challenges. I asked myself for the most difficult
:18:32. > :18:34.venue at the worst time. Why? It is an audience that really want to go
:18:35. > :18:47.and the a cappella. They don't want to see stand-up comedy. Or Nicholas
:18:48. > :18:51.Parsons, at a push. At the festival, you have to be a bit sharper because
:18:52. > :18:59.it is a very comedy literate town. You can hear people saying, I have
:19:00. > :19:08.seen better. It has to be tighter, so you come here to sharpen up. So
:19:09. > :19:12.four o'clock is a tough crowd. And also, like most people, I get up in
:19:13. > :19:18.the morning, I am upset by the news. But the schmuck in me thinks I have
:19:19. > :19:21.too turned into comedy, but I want to make sense of what is going on.
:19:22. > :19:26.We are living in a difficult time, with terrorism and Brexit and all
:19:27. > :19:30.this stuff. I am just trying to make sense of things through stand-up
:19:31. > :19:33.comedy, and you have got to be a schmuck to do that. A lot of it is
:19:34. > :19:36.about the things that make you angry, as you say. Apart from the
:19:37. > :19:42.political stuff, what gets under your skin? I am very excited by the
:19:43. > :19:52.fact that we did so well at the Olympics. We came second!
:19:53. > :19:56.Unbelievable. We come from a generation who are used to Britain
:19:57. > :20:00.getting one bronze in the synchronised sweeping. So now,
:20:01. > :20:07.because we have lottery funding, we should be funding everything. Let's
:20:08. > :20:15.do the Brexit 100 metres, and four people resign before the guns go
:20:16. > :20:21.off. Don't you think? And you started in Newcastle. You are taking
:20:22. > :20:27.this show on tour. That is your thing. There are certain towns...
:20:28. > :20:33.Glasgow and Newcastle are the toughest towns, because they have
:20:34. > :20:36.seen so much. It works there, it works everywhere else. It is like
:20:37. > :20:43.being in a fight, take on the big guy first. Who one might fight
:20:44. > :20:54.today? I won it? Give him a round of applause. Well, in a second, we are
:20:55. > :21:02.going to hear Deacon Blue perform. But first of all, we have got part
:21:03. > :21:05.two and the and Buster's scenic tour around Scotland.
:21:06. > :21:11.I'm in the Highlands, travelling along Scotland's version of Route
:21:12. > :21:18.66, the north coast 500. I've just left Durness and I'm heading down
:21:19. > :21:24.the western side. This is the spectacular bridge, a 276 metre
:21:25. > :21:28.curve. It was built in 1984 and design supposedly to fit in with its
:21:29. > :21:36.surroundings. I will let you be the judge of that. My first stop is this
:21:37. > :21:40.stunning beach, but I'm not here for the scenery, but to find an
:21:41. > :21:44.architectural oddity that attracts lots of visitors every year. You
:21:45. > :21:48.might mistake it for a wartime machine-gun emplacement, but is
:21:49. > :21:52.known locally as the hermit's Castle. From here, it looks
:21:53. > :21:58.imposing, but it is in fact an optical illusion. When you get up
:21:59. > :22:03.close to it, it's tiny and repeatedly Europe's smallest castle.
:22:04. > :22:07.Perhaps calling it a castle is stretching it, but in the 1950s, a
:22:08. > :22:13.young architect from Norwich called David Scott found himself here.
:22:14. > :22:19.Margaret McLeod runs the local campsite. He asked, could he build
:22:20. > :22:23.something? We thought he was going to build something spectacular! He
:22:24. > :22:28.built it out of concrete and it took around eight months to complete.
:22:29. > :22:33.Then he left. He revisited when he was 80, but I never saw him. He
:22:34. > :22:38.didn't want to make himself known, because when he saw it, he felt
:22:39. > :22:44.ashamed of it. He said he felt ashamed? Why? I don't know. I wish I
:22:45. > :22:50.had seen him, because I would have told him just what it brings to the
:22:51. > :22:55.area when people see it. Well, from small castles to small bridges. I'm
:22:56. > :22:59.heading down to Ullapool to see a bit of Victorian ingenuity. In the
:23:00. > :23:02.19th century, Sir John Fowler designed one of the wonders of the
:23:03. > :23:09.industrial world, the Forth rail Bridge. To test the structure of
:23:10. > :23:15.many of his designs, Fowler built prototypes, like this one, four
:23:16. > :23:22.Ascension -- suspension bridge. Peter Newley is Sir John's
:23:23. > :23:26.great-grandson. You have the cantilevers that come out from the
:23:27. > :23:32.towers, and then there is the gap in the middle, the spam. That is not
:23:33. > :23:40.unlike this. It was a prototype. And Pete has a splendid photo album of
:23:41. > :23:47.Sir John and his work, including a picture of the Forth Bridge in 1890.
:23:48. > :23:53.The Prince of Wales drove in the last rivet, and then off they went
:23:54. > :23:56.to a big dinner. And Fowler was also responsible for designing much of
:23:57. > :24:03.the London Metropolitan line, which was the first line under the London
:24:04. > :24:07.underground. Yes. We have the nappies on the lower level and the
:24:08. > :24:12.engineers above. Top hats, not hard hats in those dates. As I leave the
:24:13. > :24:17.estate, my journey takes me south towards Loch Marie. The scenery
:24:18. > :24:23.along this road is so spectacular, the landscape so lovely, it really
:24:24. > :24:31.is a hazard to careful driving. Like Loch Ness, Loch Marie has its own
:24:32. > :24:34.reported monster. Its name translated in English means a slug
:24:35. > :24:39.pig, whatever one of those is. Of course, none of this should be taken
:24:40. > :24:44.seriously. There is also a myth that the waters of Loch Marie Cure
:24:45. > :24:53.insanity. Now, I'm not mad enough to take a dip. But I know someone who
:24:54. > :24:58.is. Go for a swim. I'm on the final straight, passing over the
:24:59. > :25:07.spectacular pass of the cattle, the UK's biggest rope climb, joined by
:25:08. > :25:10.some motorcycling pals. It is an incredible majestic route. Buster
:25:11. > :25:16.and I have had a fabulous couple of days driving the north coast 500.
:25:17. > :25:20.OK, so the roads might be pretty narrow and can get bumpy at times,
:25:21. > :25:24.but it's made me realise that within Scotland, there is one of the great
:25:25. > :25:32.road journeys of the world. Hey, Buster?
:25:33. > :25:36.What a lovely few days they had. And our journey is nearly over in
:25:37. > :25:42.Edinburgh. Have you had a nice time? The time of my life would not be
:25:43. > :25:45.overstating it. Thanks so much to everybody in Edinburgh for such a
:25:46. > :25:52.fantastic welcome. We have had a ball. We will be back in the studio
:25:53. > :25:57.on Tuesday. And our guest on Tuesday is Jamie Dornan, get in! Next to our
:25:58. > :26:02.guests tonight, Omid Djalili and Rula Lenska. It's been fantastic.
:26:03. > :26:07.Here to play us out with their latest single, from the album out
:26:08. > :26:11.next month, Deacon Blue! Have a good weekend.
:26:12. > :26:14.# Go on ahead, I'll be with you soon enough
:26:15. > :26:20.# I'll be walking in the cool of the evening
:26:21. > :26:25.# In honeysuckle and willow trees
:26:26. > :26:28.# Tell them your story, tell them what you dreamed about
:26:29. > :26:35.# Say you were lost, then one day you were found
:26:36. > :26:39.# And someone brought you home again
:26:40. > :26:43.# The believers know that it's going to get better
:26:44. > :26:53.# Cos no one here will ever forget you, not let you
:26:54. > :27:22.# When we say we know so much about everything?
:27:23. > :27:29.# May it take you to heaven and never bring you back again
:27:30. > :27:32.# So you no longer fear the boatman
:27:33. > :27:40.# The believers know that it's going to get better
:27:41. > :27:49.# Cos no one here will ever forget you, not let you
:27:50. > :28:23.# The believers know that it's going to get better
:28:24. > :28:32.# Cos no one here will ever forget you, not let you
:28:33. > :28:39.# The believers know that it's going to get better
:28:40. > :28:43.# There's nothing you can do about it now
:28:44. > :28:45.# You know you're on one side or the other
:28:46. > :28:56.# You're just one more believer.