0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Tonight, a Review Show special. Glasgow's most famous son.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10Hang on, I'll be down in a minute.
0:00:10 > 0:00:14His trademark hair and beard, along with some bold wardrobe choices,
0:00:14 > 0:00:17make Billy Connolly one of the most distinctive figures in comedy.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# Road to Arran... #
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Widely acknowledged by his peers
0:00:24 > 0:00:26as the godfather of alternative comedy...
0:00:26 > 0:00:28I swear, you know...
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I swear? Oh, that's news, Billy(!)
0:00:31 > 0:00:34..his natural and assured delivery have been making audiences laugh
0:00:34 > 0:00:36for almost 40 years.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38He's always shopping people.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Who broke the window? HIM!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44A THUG! He'll come to nothing!
0:00:44 > 0:00:46As he approached his 70th birthday,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50I met the Big Yin to talk about his latest foray into acting
0:00:50 > 0:00:54in Dustin Hoffman's directorial debut, Quartet...
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Why is it, Wilfred, I always get the impression you're up to no good?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Because I'm normally up to no good.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02..his troubled relationship with his father...
0:01:02 > 0:01:05It's a very odd affair, you know, sexual abuse.
0:01:05 > 0:01:10Mine is very, very typical. You don't tell anybody about it.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12..his hedonistic youth...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Asking for the wine list at breakfast has a certain cache, I think.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18..and flirting with Dame Judi Dench.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22And I thought, "God, she fancies me.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25"Judi Dench fancies coming on to me."
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Primarily the reason we're here is to talk about first of all, Quartet,
0:01:29 > 0:01:32so tell me, how did Dustin Hoffman sell it to you?
0:01:33 > 0:01:38It was the weirdest thing because he had been my pal for a while.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42We used to do these dinners for multiple sclerosis.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Very starry affairs.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I would do a bit of comedy
0:01:46 > 0:01:50and there would be all sorts of rock stars doing odds and ends.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53And Dustin was always in the audience. He always liked my stuff.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56He always pulled me over to tell me how good it was
0:01:56 > 0:01:58and then he started showing up at my concerts.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05My agent, Kier, called me up and said, "Dustin wants to speak to you."
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Then he started to speak about an old folks home with opera singers in it,
0:02:09 > 0:02:11and I thought, "What?"
0:02:11 > 0:02:14And then he read me the cast list.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16We have a serious problem.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18We can't make the gala into the hottest ticket in town.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21This house could collapse. We could lose it.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24We have four of the finest singers in English operatic history.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I don't think I want to sing with Jean again.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28They were married once but it didn't work out.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- We were different people then. - I have a brilliant idea.- What is it?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I can't remember. What is it?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I thought, "Oh, my God." I was scared to do it.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42But I fell back on my Judi Dench experience which was delightful.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44It's the most delightful thing
0:02:44 > 0:02:49when you're confronted with a Judi Dench or a Maggie Smith.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51It brings out the best in you.
0:02:51 > 0:02:57- Did you show off?- No, I didn't, but you do rise to the fly.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01You can't stand waving your arms around like you're in a soap.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05You can't go, "Why?" and stuff like that
0:03:05 > 0:03:07so you have to sort of be.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12I remember during Mrs Brown
0:03:12 > 0:03:13there was a section of it...
0:03:13 > 0:03:18We were doing the eighths of reel and she was facing me, Judi Dench.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I was opposite her getting ready to jig and I thought,
0:03:22 > 0:03:26"God, she fancies me!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28"Judi Dench fancies coming on to me.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30"What am I going to do? My God, what am I going to do?"
0:03:30 > 0:03:35And then it dawned on me, you know, it's that real stuff,
0:03:35 > 0:03:37real acting,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39so I started fancying her back.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Which is not the most difficult thing on earth.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- You never had any actor training? - None whatsoever.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- I'd never seen a play.- But now, you've never since had any training?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01No, it's too late now.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07The only thing I envy is, like, you know, you'll hear...
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Method acting.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15You hear them saying, "I was preparing for the character."
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I don't know what they're doing.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I don't know if they're doing press-ups or running about naked
0:04:21 > 0:04:23shouting poetry at the tops of their voices.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26I don't know what they're doing.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28So I just learn my words and avoid the furniture.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Why is it, Wilfred, I always get the impression you're up to no good?
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Because I'm normally up to no good and, please, call me Wilf.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38You've done this, remember. You don't have a button hole, Wilf.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Why do you persist in flirting with me, Wilf?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Because you're a cracker, a thing of beauty.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49You're not a bimbo or a chick or any of those awful things.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52You're one of that rarest of species.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54You're a woman, Lucy Colgan.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Early on, you took your first steps into acting
0:04:57 > 0:05:01and they were in quintessentially hard Glasgow plays.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05- Yeah.- Elephants' Graveyard and Just Another Saturday.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Yeah, Just Another Saturday was first.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09He comes right up to my bairn and introduces himself
0:05:09 > 0:05:13and he says to me, "Mr McNab, it's been a pleasure working with you."
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Empty! Empty! Empty!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19What is it, for Christ's sake?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Empty! Mair drink, ya clown. Three halves and three pints.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- Any more of that, son, and you're out on your arse.- Aye, very good.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28It's a big heider, that, talking away there like a big lassie.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I was very near planting him one.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34You inhabited that world, in a way, or you knew that world.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Did it make it easier to take the step from comedy into drama?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39It was the funniest thing.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44Peter MacDougal who wrote it had become my friend about six weeks
0:05:44 > 0:05:48before the play was done on television and we were very close.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52We were like lovers. I would pick up the phone and he'd be on.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55You know that way when you're in love these things happen?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57We'd become very close friends.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01He was my new pal and we met and he said,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04"Listen, I don't know how to put this,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07"but I think I've written you in this.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09"Have you ever acted before?" And I said, "No."
0:06:09 > 0:06:13He said, "Cos I think I've written you in this thing,
0:06:13 > 0:06:16"Just Another Saturday.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17"Would you have a go at it?"
0:06:17 > 0:06:21And I said, "Aye, sure". We had a wee rehearsal and it seemed OK
0:06:21 > 0:06:24and off we went and it was as easy as that.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Does that mean you've never really been daunted then?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29You went on to Elephants' Graveyard next so that gave you
0:06:29 > 0:06:30a really good grounding.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Yeah, and I had been in a live one, Clydeside,
0:06:33 > 0:06:37about the Red Clyde with Matt McGinn.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I was supposed to be just doing music.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44That's where I learned first of all.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I was in the pub, the Scotia, and the director, Keith Darvell, came in
0:06:47 > 0:06:50and he heard me playing the banjo and he said,
0:06:50 > 0:06:55"I'm doing a play about the Clyde. Would you come and play your banjo?"
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I said, "Is it for the actors and all that?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01"I'd love to but I'm not very good at music, the theory and all that,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04"but my mate is, Tom Harvey."
0:07:04 > 0:07:07# The teacher tells your ma you've been swearing. #
0:07:07 > 0:07:11We weren't the Humblebums yet. That happened second.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15I said, "He knows how to establish the keys people sing in and that."
0:07:15 > 0:07:18He said, "Bring him as well." And we went along.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22It was great. And then we were sitting watching the play
0:07:22 > 0:07:23and I was enjoying it immensely.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I'd never seen a play before.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I was in the first play I ever saw.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32I'm sitting on the stage. We had a wee area, you know.
0:07:32 > 0:07:37They were all acting away, and then our cue came in.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41I was totally unaware of this, and the director said, "Well?"
0:07:41 > 0:07:46And I said, "Very good." I thought he was asking my opinion.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48He said, "Some music would be nice."
0:07:48 > 0:07:53And I said, "Sure, what would you like? That one would be good. OK."
0:07:53 > 0:07:59- He had to explain to me.- The cues. - When he says that, you start to play.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Ooh, right, that's good.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04I came in the following day and I had bits of tape stuck on the pages.
0:08:04 > 0:08:09I said, "I have this idea. When the cue comes up I'll know I've got this
0:08:09 > 0:08:13"tape sticking out of the page there and I'll know where the cue is."
0:08:13 > 0:08:17He said, "Don't tell the others. They'll all be wanting to copy you."
0:08:18 > 0:08:23- Let's have a toast to our quartet. - To the quartet.- What quartet?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Cedric wants us all to sing in the gala concert.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Us to sing?
0:08:28 > 0:08:33- He wants us to sing the quartet from Rigoletto.- Such an honour.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Tell me, were you always going to be the lynchpin because
0:08:36 > 0:08:40you ended up really being this centrifugal force in the film?
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Well, the weirdest thing happened. Dustin's very free.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47He'll say, "Just say what you like."
0:08:50 > 0:08:53There's a lovely bit when I'm playing croquet,
0:08:53 > 0:08:56or there's people playing croquet, and I come walking past,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58and we have a smartarsed remark at one another.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03There's a big long walk I have to do after that and he said,
0:09:03 > 0:09:06"Say something in there."
0:09:06 > 0:09:10So the guy makes a funny remark about having seen me in an opera
0:09:10 > 0:09:11and his ears were bleeding.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16And I said, "Yeah, I saw your Carmen. I'll never forget it, but I'll try."
0:09:16 > 0:09:21And that was just ad-lib and it was one take in the can.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25So your part ended up being bigger than was originally planned?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Yeah, but I'll tell you the best thing.
0:09:27 > 0:09:32There was a bit where Michael Gambon attacks Cissy.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Sorry, I missed that last bit, Cedric.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- CEEdric.- Oh, CEEdric, of course, of course.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Now that Jean is here and the four of you are together again,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44I put to you that you should perform at the gala,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46the Quartet from Rigoletto.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51That's amazing. I've just been listening to us, the Rigoletto.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53And he says, "Put up your hand when you're going to speak to me.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55"Raise your hand like this."
0:09:55 > 0:10:00And I cross the room and say, "Don't you put your hand up for anybody."
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- Put your hand up.- Put your hand up?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05You must change her mind. She's a huge draw.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Don't you put your hand up for anybody.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09It would be as if Maria Callas were making a comeback.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11That wasn't in the script.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15I just defended her and then I started to do it all the time.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I became her defender and it made me two-dimensional
0:10:18 > 0:10:21because, before that, I was just a dirty old man
0:10:21 > 0:10:23and I was getting kind of fed up with it.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26My hair's changing colour. I've got the winter plumage on now.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28LAUGHTER
0:10:28 > 0:10:31But, at the back, it's gone a kind of Turkish hooker blond...
0:10:31 > 0:10:32LAUGHTER
0:10:32 > 0:10:35..which I must say suits me down to the ground.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36LAUGHTER
0:10:36 > 0:10:39My nose hair is accelerating for reasons best known to itself.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42LAUGHTER
0:10:42 > 0:10:48I used to cut it once every 30 years. Now it's like twice a month.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I presume the body knows what it's doing. I'm very baffled.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I wonder what's going to happen to me
0:10:52 > 0:10:54that's going to need long nasal hair to deal with it.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56LAUGHTER
0:11:00 > 0:11:06- You are going to be 70 soon. Did you ever think you'd get to 70?- No.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08You seriously didn't think you would get there?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I didn't think I would get to 50.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14The queerest thing is I was quite looking forward to it as well.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- What, dying?- Yeah.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Burning out.- Really?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Yeah. Boom!
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- That kind of James Dean thing? - Like a firework.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28It's a romantic, stupid, self-indulgent notion
0:11:28 > 0:11:31but I always thought I would explode, you know.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34- But you were on the way there, weren't you?- Yes.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39You went for it big style. You went for it with brandy, wine, cocaine.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- Wine for breakfast.- Yes.
0:11:41 > 0:11:46Asking for the wine list at breakfast has a certain cache, I think.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Better than asking for Buckfast.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53- I never drank Buckfast. - Thank the Lord for that.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- I did drink Vordeaux. - What's Vordeaux?
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- That was the pre-Buckfast Buckfast. - Vordeaux?- Yeah.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I just want to show you something.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05This is from something you made a long time ago.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11This must be the only country on Earth
0:12:11 > 0:12:13where men brag about their hangovers.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Oh, I remember doing this.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18'Only Scots brag about their hangovers.'
0:12:18 > 0:12:22And drinking in Scotland is an essentially male pastime.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Men bring their wives and girlfriends into lounge bars such as this,
0:12:25 > 0:12:29'but in there it is essentially a male bastion.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32'Drinking is a Scottish hobby.'
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Probably because we invented the best drink of them all, whiskey.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Oh, there's my da.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48The thing was, when that was going on,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51you embraced the excess then.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Yes. It was great fun.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I had the time of my life.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01I had funny wee rules for myself.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I never performed drunk.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- So you could hold off?- Yeah, and I was horrified by people who did it.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I remember in Edinburgh, a guy, I won't mention his name.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13He was in my dressing room. I was going on at the Playhouse.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I had a lot of drink on the table for afterwards
0:13:16 > 0:13:20and he said, "Are you not having a large one before you go on?"
0:13:20 > 0:13:26And I said, "My God, no." I wouldn't drink the whole day before.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28So you didn't need Dutch courage to go on stage
0:13:28 > 0:13:31but you needed Dutch courage for the rest of you life?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33That's right.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Also, in that...
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I never thought about it like that before. It's quite right, yeah.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42In that culture there, you preferred to drink with men
0:13:42 > 0:13:45or was there no option?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Well, there was pretty much no option.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50I've got a fondness for women
0:13:50 > 0:13:53but in the drinking situation,
0:13:53 > 0:13:54the pubs weren't very womany.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57They changed very soon after that.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Loads of Glasgow pubs women just wouldn't have got into.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02They did it with the toilets.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06They wouldn't put a ladies toilet in so women would come in for a while
0:14:06 > 0:14:08and then they'd have to pee and they'd leave.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- And that would be it. Tennents in Byers Road.- Yes.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14British Rail specialises in that one.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Go into the toilet, lock the door. Oh, for Christ's...
0:14:20 > 0:14:22LAUGHTER
0:14:25 > 0:14:28A wee jobbie.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30LAUGHTER
0:14:30 > 0:14:32A wee, beige jobbie.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41You flush and flush with all your might.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Your first step changing in your career came
0:14:46 > 0:14:48when Michael Parkinson took a risk.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Let's just play this.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53This young man is one of the most original
0:14:53 > 0:14:55and best comedians I've heard in many a day.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58He has, in fact, recently appeared in a solo concert
0:14:58 > 0:15:01at the London Palladium, played to a packed house and triumphed.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04In Scotland, his two long playing records have been
0:15:04 > 0:15:07the biggest seller since The Beatles' Sergeant Pepper album.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10The man who made them has been called Scot of the Anarchic,
0:15:10 > 0:15:13awful pun, and the Scottish equivalent of Lenny Bruce.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18Ladies and gentlemen, a very special welcome, please, to Billy Connolly.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Ooh!
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Sing, that's the chorus.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Ooh!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42So, no-one knew you were going to do that, or did they know?
0:15:42 > 0:15:43They had no idea.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Do you think Parkinson just about had a heart attack?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48He must have wondered what the hell was going on.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53I had wanted it for ages, Parkinson, in as much as I didn't want
0:15:53 > 0:15:57either him or Russell Harty but of the two, I wanted Parky.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59# I was heading with my cromack... #
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Oh, a cromack is a walking stick.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04You may have seen pictures of Harry Lauder.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06It's a knobbly walking stick.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10It's a Scottish portable phallic symbol, you know?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Used mainly for English bus parties.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Russell Harty was after me to be on his show,
0:16:18 > 0:16:22but I held and held and held and then the Parkinson thing.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Parky was in Glasgow and a taxi driver stopped the car to go
0:16:25 > 0:16:27and buy a cassette of me and give to him.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29They played it in the taxi.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31We'll have to find that taxi driver.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33You owe him a lot of money.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Not only that, on that show, I told the joke
0:16:36 > 0:16:38about the bicycle and the bum.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I got that from a guy in Valencia, in Spain.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I went to see Scotland play in Spain and we are all
0:16:44 > 0:16:48walking along the road to the game and a guy came up and told me it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51I was lying against a wall laughing as he walked away.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- I've never met him again. - Tell the joke again.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56It was two guys in a bar and one said,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59"I've just murdered my wife."
0:16:59 > 0:17:01"I murdered her."
0:17:01 > 0:17:04I said, "I don't believe you." He said, "I'll show you."
0:17:04 > 0:17:08He takes him behind the tenement to a wee wash house.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Sure enough, there's a big mound of earth.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13There's a bum sticking out of it.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17He says, "Is that her?" He says, "Aye."
0:17:17 > 0:17:19He says, "what did you leave her bum sticking out for?"
0:17:19 > 0:17:22He says, "I need somewhere to park my bike."
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- It's terribly wrong.- Wrong, so wrong.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39I think that's the best thing about it. That it's so wrong.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46So, here we have it, you're on Parky and here you are,
0:17:46 > 0:17:50this big voice comes on the telly and people are just shocked.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52They've never seen anything like you.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57It was extraordinary, for me, as well, because I will never forget,
0:17:57 > 0:17:59that was a Saturday evening,
0:17:59 > 0:18:03and on the Sunday, I was coming back to Glasgow where I lived
0:18:03 > 0:18:07and I was in Heathrow and a Chinese guy asked me for my autograph.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11I thought, "Woah! This is different."
0:18:11 > 0:18:16Then I got to Glasgow Airport and I was coming through
0:18:16 > 0:18:19the body of the airport and the people all started to clap.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23People coming up the escalators and all that.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26It got a sensational audience, the Parkinson show.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29It was only four or five stations then.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I thought, "God!" That's when it dawned on me
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I might have done something quite big.
0:18:33 > 0:18:38Then you went on to be someone that went on Parkinson every other week.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Yeah. That's what it felt like, but it was over many years.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I only did it once a year.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Ladies and gentlemen, a very special welcome, please, to Billy Connolly.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Billy Connolly.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Billy Connolly.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Billy Connolly.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Ladies and gentleman, Billy Connolly.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Billy Connolly.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Billy Connolly.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- Billy Connolly. - I think I hold some kind of record.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02I was on it more times...
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I used to be equal with Peter Ustinov
0:19:05 > 0:19:07and then he died and I overtook him.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Just as well you lived beyond 50 then.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- You keep rubbing it in about my bus ticket.- Of course I do.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15My parents used to take me
0:19:15 > 0:19:19to Lewis's Department store in Argyle Street in Glasgow.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21They were kind of skinflints.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24They'd take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28A big ginger cat, they say it's a baby tiger.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32"Where is the elephants?"
0:19:32 > 0:19:34"They're away for their lunch, now hurry up. Come on."
0:19:34 > 0:19:38But, the thing is, that you were going on stage, wowing the crowds
0:19:38 > 0:19:41and you were talking about the importance of...
0:19:41 > 0:19:45It was all about childhood and place and all of these things.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48But, actually, you weren't telling the truth.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Did you know you weren't telling the truth?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Because you were hiding what only came out so much later.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Did you know you were hiding it?
0:19:55 > 0:20:01I wasn't consciously hiding it, to hide it.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03I just didn't want to talk about it.
0:20:05 > 0:20:12It was mine. I kind of liked it, you know, being mine.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Having this really, really tortured childhood?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17I thought it made me very colourful.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21But only in your own head because you weren't telling it to anybody?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Yeah. It was up to me to make of it what I wanted to.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I always thought it made me kind of special.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34It wasn't the time to talk about things like that, you know?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- Not like now.- But then...
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Your Aunt Mona, because you lived with your two aunts,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43your Aunt Mona, it was just essentially mental cruelty.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Yes, she would humiliate me every day.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50She would do things like rub your underpants in your face.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54- Physical cruelty as well.- That was one of her tricks.- Tell me about...
0:20:54 > 0:20:59She used to put notes in them. She had a biscuit barrel. Remember them?
0:21:00 > 0:21:03You would go in for a biscuit and it would say, "thief".
0:21:06 > 0:21:10You know, it was like living with Tony Perkins, for Christ's sake.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15# My name is Norman Bates I'm just a normal guy. #
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Very creepy.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19She would do that and also, there's a story,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22someone had written you a neurotic poem and she found it.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Aye, it was Mexico Pete and Eskimo Nell.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- Yes.- She found it. It was a schoolboy thing.
0:21:29 > 0:21:33It was a very dirty piece and she found it and she humiliated me
0:21:33 > 0:21:37for years and years and years and threatened to take it to school.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Did she not threaten to tell your father?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Aye, she was always going to tell my dad
0:21:42 > 0:21:45and he was going to beat me limbless.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49It was every day, every single day.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53I had a teacher, Rosie McDonald, who was a bit of a psychopath,
0:21:53 > 0:21:57so I would leave my aunt and go to Rosie.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00It's astonishing I'm not gay
0:22:00 > 0:22:04because the women in my life were nightmares.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08I remember my sister standing outside school teaching me long division.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11I was scared to go in because I didn't know long division
0:22:11 > 0:22:13and I knew Rosie would kill me.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18My sister, who became a schoolteacher, explained it to me.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- She was your saviour. - She was my guardian angel.
0:22:22 > 0:22:29But, also, while that was going on, from the ages of 10 to 15,
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- you're also being abused by your father.- Yes.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35It's interesting because you saw your dad there in that clip
0:22:35 > 0:22:36in the documentary.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- Yeah. - Of course, it was all over by then.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Yes. I loved him.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I kept loving him and I love him today.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49And you know, forgiveness is a great thing.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52The power of forgiveness is immense.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55You can forgive dead people, as well.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58You know, you can forgive people.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01It is a very odd affair, sexual abuse.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Mine is very, very typical.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07You don't tell anybody about it.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12Everybody wonders why the people who are abused don't rush off
0:23:12 > 0:23:18to the police or the authorities or an auntie or an uncle and tell them.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21It just doesn't happen because you feel you've taken part in it.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Because sometimes it's not
0:23:23 > 0:23:26the most unpleasant thing that ever happened to you.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- Even admitting that is difficult, isn't it?- Yes.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33There's a deep guilt and shame involved
0:23:33 > 0:23:36and so you don't tell people.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- But it was over five years.- Yes.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- What do your children ask you about it?- Nothing.- Interesting.
0:23:44 > 0:23:50- Absolutely nothing.- Your older two must have known your dad.- Yes.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54They loved him. They thought he was a great guy. He was, a good guy.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57They would hit me in the rhythm of the argument.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Don't you ever let me see you doing that again.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Did you hear what I said?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Don't you ever, ever, ever.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Have you had enough?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15What a stupid question?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Would you like some more of the same?
0:24:20 > 0:24:21I think you're supposed to say...
0:24:23 > 0:24:26"Would a kick in the testicles be out of the question?"
0:24:28 > 0:24:30The thing was, this was your childhood
0:24:30 > 0:24:32but it wasn't all of your childhood.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36No. See, my pals had great parents.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38That was my saving grace.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- You saw great parents?- Yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Ian Meikle and Jackie Maxwell, and those guys.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I loved going to their houses and their parents were great.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49I thought, "It isn't all like this.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52"They're weird. The world isn't weird."
0:24:52 > 0:24:55They didn't have to share a bed with their dad for five years.
0:24:55 > 0:25:02- No, they didn't.- Did Pamela Stephenson save your life?- Oh, yes.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07No question. That was when it came to alcohol.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11When you met her and you fell in love with her,
0:25:11 > 0:25:13you were still drinking for Scotland.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20I'm sorry I came here!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23This is a confession!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- That's right.- She sorted you out.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Yeah. It's funny, I kind of sorted myself out.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I remember it was a Sunday afternoon and she came home
0:25:33 > 0:25:35and I was a bit pissed,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37which was highly unusual for me.
0:25:37 > 0:25:42I had been drinking on an aeroplane and for some reason,
0:25:42 > 0:25:45I had vodka and lime on aeroplanes and nowhere else.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50We were living behind Olympia in London
0:25:50 > 0:25:54and I was lying on a big bunch of coats
0:25:54 > 0:25:56and she came in and said,
0:25:56 > 0:25:58"Oh, God! Not again."
0:25:58 > 0:26:00The funny thing is, I will always remember
0:26:00 > 0:26:02she had one of those baseball caps
0:26:02 > 0:26:05and it had ears like a teddy bear
0:26:05 > 0:26:07and one of them flopped down.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10She looked so sad with this ear flopping down and she said,
0:26:10 > 0:26:13"I really can't take this.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16"This is serious stuff now.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18"This is alcoholism."
0:26:18 > 0:26:19I said, "Nonsense."
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Or words to that effect.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I said, "I could stop like that."
0:26:23 > 0:26:25I said, "Name a date."
0:26:25 > 0:26:28She said, "A year from today."
0:26:28 > 0:26:32I said, "Done." I didn't touch a drop in that year.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35And then, on the day we went out to dinner
0:26:35 > 0:26:38and we were in the Savoy or some place,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41and a bottle of champagne arrives and it was from Pam.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43She said, "Well done."
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Now, in the meantime, in that year, she had been saying,
0:26:48 > 0:26:52"You know, when you have a drink, you immediately change."
0:26:52 > 0:26:57She called me bogeyman when I was drunk because my personality changed.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01It was one of the most remarkable moments.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05They poured me a glass of champagne and I went like that
0:27:05 > 0:27:08and I took a sip, a siplet,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11and Pamela said, "what time is it?"
0:27:11 > 0:27:15I said, "What is it with you and the time?"
0:27:15 > 0:27:17I thought, "Oh, my God! That is him."
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- It is him.- That's the bogeyman.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22You know? What is it with you and the time?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25I had been perfectly nice before that.
0:27:25 > 0:27:30But one sip, "What is the time?" It is hardly a leading question.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33I was wondering, is it ever a two-way process
0:27:33 > 0:27:36because it seems Pamela has put so much into you
0:27:36 > 0:27:38and with the book and everything.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Now she's got her own book out.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44- Have you ever felt that you've helped her with anything?- No.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Well, hello, and tonight,
0:27:54 > 0:27:58I'm talking to Billy Connolly,
0:27:58 > 0:28:00a well-known Scottish comedian.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Billy, I understand that when you first came to England,
0:28:06 > 0:28:10people had a lot of trouble understanding your accent.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26- Do you get scared when you go on? - Oh, yes.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Why do you still get scared when you go on?
0:28:28 > 0:28:31I don't know and it's getting worse.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Thank you, thank you.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37It's going to be a good laugh. This is near the end of the tour.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38We've only got two nights to go.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41The last Scottish tour I did was unbearable.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44On stage was great, it was a huge success
0:28:44 > 0:28:47and I had some brilliant nights.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50And I would think, "Well, that's it, gone, it'll be OK tomorrow."
0:28:50 > 0:28:54The following day, I would go, "Oh, my God, here it comes again."
0:28:54 > 0:28:59- I would get hugely anxious and I had to get medication.- To calm you down?
0:28:59 > 0:29:04- Yes, to calm me down. - Tranquillisers?- Yeah.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08I had to get ready, just to get me on.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11But once I was on, it was a joy.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15That makes me think, is that why you were so angry with the hecklers,
0:29:15 > 0:29:17because it was such an effort to get on stage?
0:29:17 > 0:29:20I get angry at hecklers because they're cowards.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22They sit in the dark and shout at people.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25This is the hardest bit for me.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27MAN SHOUTS You shut the fuck up, you.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33I'll let you into a wee secret.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36When your light goes out and mine comes on, it's my turn, right?
0:29:36 > 0:29:39Mine goes out, yours comes on, it's you again.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Until then, shut the fuck up!
0:29:41 > 0:29:43They shouldn't be in the concert hall.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45It's OK maybe in a pub or something,
0:29:45 > 0:29:47maybe it isn't even OK there,
0:29:47 > 0:29:50but I don't want to make too big an issue of it,
0:29:50 > 0:29:53because I've always done my time.
0:29:53 > 0:29:56I'll always do my two hours and then after that,
0:29:56 > 0:29:57if they shout, I'll say,
0:29:57 > 0:29:59"OK, the night's yours", and I'll walk off.
0:29:59 > 0:30:02I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
0:30:02 > 0:30:07But the thing... I try to build stuff from nothing.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10Ad-lib upon ad-lib, and sometimes I don't know where it's going
0:30:10 > 0:30:14but I know when it's going somewhere and I get all excited.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17And blah, blah, blah, then, "Blah, blah!" and it all falls down.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20And I don't hear what they say.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22It sounds like... MUFFLED SHOUT
0:30:22 > 0:30:24It's absolutely no use to me.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28The house of cards collapses and I have to start again.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32I don't know where to start. It's a pain.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Then it cuts back to the female lines
0:30:34 > 0:30:37and they're now about six feet from the wildebeest.
0:30:37 > 0:30:41Their leader one is sneaking up doing that shoulder number.
0:30:48 > 0:30:49(Agnes.)
0:30:55 > 0:30:57(Agnes!)
0:30:57 > 0:30:58(Agnes!)
0:31:30 > 0:31:34Once my feet get on the stage, I become this other guy.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37You know, it's a different energy.
0:31:37 > 0:31:41I remember Barry Humphries put it much better than I could.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44He said, "Sometimes you'll be in Toronto or New York
0:31:44 > 0:31:50"and you do interviews all day and you get tired and tireder.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53"You walk onto the stage in front of 3,000 people and you think,
0:31:53 > 0:31:56"Alone at last."
0:31:56 > 0:32:00I know exactly what that means.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02This is where you can be you.
0:32:06 > 0:32:13The thing I've always loved is if you go to a bar,
0:32:13 > 0:32:19usually about 6:30, before seven,
0:32:19 > 0:32:22and there'll be a crowd of about 12 people,
0:32:22 > 0:32:28they might be nurses from the local hospital or girls from the office.
0:32:28 > 0:32:34A mixture of men and women from the offices or the banks next door.
0:32:34 > 0:32:39Somebody is leaving or somebody is getting married
0:32:39 > 0:32:41and they're having a wee do.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43If you watch them in the corner,
0:32:43 > 0:32:47they'll be getting drinks in and stuff and they will explode
0:32:47 > 0:32:52with laughter, a real explosion of hysterical laughter.
0:32:52 > 0:32:57There's not a comedian near them and I like to think that's what I do.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59That is the nearest to what I...
0:32:59 > 0:33:02That's what I aim for, to be as funny as ordinary people are.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06Then you go home and you watch telly and there's a comedian on
0:33:06 > 0:33:07and you go...
0:33:07 > 0:33:12"He's quite good, he's quite good. That's clever."
0:33:12 > 0:33:14But they're roaring.
0:33:14 > 0:33:17Maybe they're just impersonating the boss or something,
0:33:17 > 0:33:21but they've got it, whatever it is, they've got it.
0:33:21 > 0:33:22Just looking at that,
0:33:22 > 0:33:25you can say you were one of the original provocateurs
0:33:25 > 0:33:27and now you've got someone like Frankie Boyle
0:33:27 > 0:33:29- who's an absolute provocateur.- Yeah.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32His big thing is, "There is nothing I can't say."
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Do you believe that to be true of yourself
0:33:34 > 0:33:36or would you not be like that?
0:33:36 > 0:33:38There's stuff I wouldn't say.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41I don't know what it is but I know there's stuff
0:33:41 > 0:33:44that has crossed my mind and I've changed my mind about saying it.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47I think the Frankie Boyle's of the world are great.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50You've got Ken Dodd at one end and Frankie at the other.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54So you know where the middle is.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57You know where you stand and you've got a remote control.
0:33:57 > 0:34:01If you don't like Frankie Boyle, move your families out your life forever.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03You talk about outrageous stars now,
0:34:03 > 0:34:07when you made the Ken Bigley remark, about Ken Bigley,
0:34:07 > 0:34:09and he was killed two days later...
0:34:09 > 0:34:13Is that something that you think should have been off-limits,
0:34:13 > 0:34:15you should have censored yourself, or not?
0:34:15 > 0:34:19Actually, it was deeply overrated by the press.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22I was talking about CNN, I wasn't talking about Ken Bigley.
0:34:22 > 0:34:25I was talking about the newscasters getting fed up.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27- Reporting on it?- Yes.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30They were saying, "Still no word."
0:34:30 > 0:34:33And what they really mean is, still alive.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36But you got it in the neck for that.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38I got it in the neck from that man and wife team,
0:34:38 > 0:34:42that creepy couple who've got a book club and all that.
0:34:42 > 0:34:45- Oh, yes, Richard and Judy. - Yeah, that's where I got it.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47I thought you meant The Krankies.
0:34:49 > 0:34:53How I wish I was there when she fell out the Beanstalk!
0:34:54 > 0:34:58I want to play you something. This is from a documentary back in 1983.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05That's St Mungo.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07They call him "The Big Yin", The Big One,
0:35:07 > 0:35:10not just because he happens to stand over six feet tall,
0:35:10 > 0:35:13but because he's the biggest thing to sweep Scotland
0:35:13 > 0:35:16since, well, nobody can remember when.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18He's adored all over Scotland in general
0:35:18 > 0:35:22and in his home town of Glasgow, in particular.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24Hang on, I'll be down in a minute.
0:35:26 > 0:35:27St Mungo!
0:35:34 > 0:35:38I was going to come here on a bus but I was scared in case somebody
0:35:38 > 0:35:40thought I was the Pope and got tore into me.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Identity. Do you think of yourself...
0:35:44 > 0:35:47You talk about the fact that you live all over the world
0:35:47 > 0:35:49but do you think of yourself as Scottish?
0:35:49 > 0:35:52You've got the keys to the city of Glasgow.
0:35:52 > 0:35:54Do you think of yourself as coming from Glasgow,
0:35:54 > 0:35:56as coming from a kind of nation?
0:35:56 > 0:35:59I think of myself as a Glaswegian
0:35:59 > 0:36:02before I think of myself as a Scot,
0:36:02 > 0:36:04although I'm very proud to be a Scot.
0:36:04 > 0:36:08You've always had an ambivalent relationship with Scotland.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12You're identifiably one of the most famous Scots in the world.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15I've had no problem with Scotland in my whole life.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17I love the place and it kind of likes me
0:36:17 > 0:36:20but I've had a problem with the media my whole life.
0:36:21 > 0:36:25I find them to be middle-class arses.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27But...
0:36:27 > 0:36:30The kind of people who had dressing gowns when they were children.
0:36:30 > 0:36:35One quote, 1997, you were on Frost
0:36:35 > 0:36:38and you said about the Scottish Parliament.
0:36:38 > 0:36:39"We don't want a Stormont,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42"I don't want a wee pretendy Government in Edinburgh."
0:36:42 > 0:36:44God, that lasted for ages.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48Yes. But did you mean it? Did you regret it?
0:36:48 > 0:36:50- Are we out of place saying it? - I don't regret it.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53I thought it was terrible to have another layer of government.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55"Oh, that's what we really need(!)"
0:36:55 > 0:36:58I just keep saying to myself, well...
0:36:58 > 0:37:01and I do it a lot with politics,
0:37:01 > 0:37:05how is it going to affect the average plumber, this great idea you have?
0:37:06 > 0:37:10If it isn't going to affect him, away and work, leave us alone.
0:37:10 > 0:37:13What makes you so sure that having a Scottish parliament
0:37:13 > 0:37:16wouldn't be better than having Westminster, for example?
0:37:16 > 0:37:19It might well be but you've ended up with both now.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22So, where do you stand?
0:37:22 > 0:37:24The referendum has just been called for 2014.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27- Would you back independence? - I don't think so.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32No, it's a kind of hippy attitude I have to it.
0:37:32 > 0:37:37I think it's time for people to get together, not separate.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41It's quite interesting though because what is your kids' identity?
0:37:41 > 0:37:45They've got a New Zealand mum, a Scottish dad, they kind
0:37:45 > 0:37:48of live in New York, they live in Glasgow, they live in Aberdeenshire.
0:37:48 > 0:37:51They don't sound like you, presumably.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53No, they sound like Americans.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57Cara, who was born in Scotland, sounds like RP,
0:37:57 > 0:37:59because she was educated in Ascot.
0:38:00 > 0:38:05She's kind of posh sounding and Jamie, he's in his 40s now.
0:38:05 > 0:38:09He has a Scottish accent with an American edge to it
0:38:09 > 0:38:13because he lives in LA and has done for many years.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15We all have different accents.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19When the kids think of you, do they think of you like that
0:38:19 > 0:38:22with your welly boots on, your big banana feet?
0:38:22 > 0:38:26- They don't remember them. - They never see these pictures now?
0:38:26 > 0:38:29They see the pictures and think it's ridiculous.
0:38:29 > 0:38:33When they were younger, I used to put the stage gear on and march into the
0:38:33 > 0:38:38living room with the floral, silk trousers and the platform shoes.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41They would go, "My God! Who is this?"
0:38:41 > 0:38:43"Get out!"
0:38:43 > 0:38:46I had some wild stuff.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49You had really gone from musician, which you were, of course,
0:38:49 > 0:38:54originally, with Gerry Rafferty, to being a comedian, to being an actor.
0:38:54 > 0:38:59- Now the next stage is to be an artist.- Yeah.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Has that been a late in life transformation
0:39:02 > 0:39:04or have you always drawn?
0:39:04 > 0:39:06No, I started at Quebec in Montreal.
0:39:06 > 0:39:08It was freezing.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11There was a wee art shop across from the hotel
0:39:11 > 0:39:15and I got some felt tip pens and a sketchbook.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18I've never drawn in my life.
0:39:18 > 0:39:24I started to tootle about and I would just draw little islands,
0:39:24 > 0:39:27snakes and stuff.
0:39:27 > 0:39:32It kind of developed from there.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Did it get a critical appreciation?
0:39:34 > 0:39:37I'm just thinking, I would imagine
0:39:37 > 0:39:40if Billy Connolly put a dot on a piece of paper, it would sell.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44No, I don't know what the critics are saying about it.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46I don't read the critics but I remember,
0:39:46 > 0:39:49out the corner of my eye, seeing the word, doodle.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52I thought, I don't think I will read any further.
0:39:52 > 0:39:56I think they see them as doodles, which they might well be.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00So, this is the Hobbit.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03You asked me to find the 14th member of this Cabinet
0:40:03 > 0:40:05and I have chosen Mr Baggins.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08- Me, no!- Hobbits can pass unseen by most if they choose,
0:40:08 > 0:40:11which gives us a distinct advantage.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14We will seize this chance to take back Erebor.
0:40:15 > 0:40:19- Here, Mr Bilbo, where are you off to?- I'm going on an adventure.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21- Dain Ironfoot.- Yes.
0:40:21 > 0:40:25It's taken you a long time to get to all of that magic stuff
0:40:25 > 0:40:27and here you are, you're going to be Dain Ironfoot,
0:40:27 > 0:40:29King of the Dwarves in The Hobbit.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32- Did you read The Hobbit as a teenager?- No.
0:40:34 > 0:40:35Not only didn't I read it,
0:40:35 > 0:40:38I didn't like people who did.
0:40:38 > 0:40:42There was a definite split between the Tolkiens and the non-Tolkiens.
0:40:42 > 0:40:48I was bluegrass and blues and picking and singing and hairy
0:40:48 > 0:40:52and the Tolkiens had the book under their arm with the corduroy jacket.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54I've never liked Tolkien people.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56I always found them kind of creepy.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59Especially the ones who could speak those languages.
0:40:59 > 0:41:01Dwarvish and Elvish.
0:41:01 > 0:41:05- You're going to have to learn some of that stuff.- I've done it.
0:41:05 > 0:41:09- I can't remember it.- Speak to me in Elvish.- It is kind of...
0:41:09 > 0:41:12- It is Dwarvish I speak.- Oh, sorry. Speak to me in Dwarvish.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15It's very guttural, it's very Scottish.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17There is a lot of glottal stoppage.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20Do not remember any of it now?
0:41:20 > 0:41:21Not a syllable.
0:41:31 > 0:41:32Well, that could have been worse.
0:41:37 > 0:41:43The book, Billy, is, on the back, it says, "Who is Billy Connolly?"
0:41:43 > 0:41:45That was 10 years ago. It sold over 1 million copies.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48- Yes.- Who is Billy Connolly?
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- Is he an actor, performer, comedian, Dad, Grandad?- I have no idea.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54It depends on how you feel when you get up in the morning,
0:41:54 > 0:41:57what you're going to be all day.
0:41:57 > 0:42:05I find it quite difficult to think of exactly who I am or where I live.
0:42:07 > 0:42:08I'm not sure where I live.
0:42:10 > 0:42:15You know, I have the New York place and Scotland and a wee one in Malta.
0:42:15 > 0:42:19I like them all very much but I'm not sure which one is where I live,
0:42:19 > 0:42:21where my address is.
0:42:21 > 0:42:23- Or where you leave your shoes behind?- Yeah.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26That's the worst thing about having more than one house.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29You've got trousers in one house and jacket in another.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34- It's terrible. I feel like Eric Idle. - What an affliction.
0:42:34 > 0:42:39I feel like Eric Idle. He says nobody cares about the second homeless.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45I suppose you will always be a big show off.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Yes, that's what you're supposed to do.
0:42:51 > 0:42:56You're not supposed to be born and live and die and nobody noticed.
0:42:56 > 0:43:00You're not supposed to be a beige mirage.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03You're supposed to make your mark.
0:43:03 > 0:43:08I even remember it in Hyndland Road when I had platform shoes
0:43:08 > 0:43:12and the deckchair pants and the starry T-shirt
0:43:12 > 0:43:16pushing the children in a pram on my own going along the road.
0:43:16 > 0:43:20People were shouting at me and all that. I loved it.
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Billy Connolly, thank you very much.
0:43:23 > 0:43:25It's been a pleasure talking to you.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27# If they keep on they way they're goin'
0:43:27 > 0:43:28# We'll be all in the....
0:43:28 > 0:43:32# So you better get your feet in your wellies
0:43:32 > 0:43:35# If it wisnae fur yer wellies
0:43:35 > 0:43:37# Where wud you be?
0:43:37 > 0:43:40# You'd be in the hospital or infirmary
0:43:40 > 0:43:46# Cos you would have a dose o' the flu or even plurasie
0:43:46 > 0:43:54# If you didnae have your feet in yer wellies! #
0:43:54 > 0:43:57APPLAUSE
0:44:16 > 0:44:19I think you can take it that they liked you.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd