0:00:06 > 0:00:13This programme contains adult humour, strong language and flashing images
0:00:17 > 0:00:21Yo, Belfast! You wanted it, you've got it.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24It's me, DJ Steeky, here to make you shake
0:00:24 > 0:00:27like a wee lad locked in a parochial house.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29First up, a big shout out to my main man, Stevie.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Some of you will know that Stevie is in jail for something he didn't do.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38That something he didn't do was remember to put on his balaclava before robbing the Post Office.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Hard luck, Stevie, see you in five.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44And here is my great mate, a man you can't hate,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47the chicks love to date, you know him as Pablo!
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Steek, Steek, Steek, Steek, Steeky! Ker-ching!
0:00:50 > 0:00:54On with the show. Tonight we have got Radio One hippy, Dr Stuart Flanagan.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- Wanker.- We've got country bumpkin and Big Brother winner, Josie Gibson.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- Would. - Music from The Wonder Villains.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06- Class.- But, first up, ladies and a gentlemen, some music.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08THUMPING DANCE MUSIC
0:01:08 > 0:01:10MUSIC ON RADIO
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- All right, mate?- All right.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Sorry I'm late, Jamie Oliver was on.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27You know that Who Do You Think You Are? show?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Aye, the one where the celebs all start girning
0:01:29 > 0:01:32because someone they didn't know died years ago?
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Aye, that's the one. Well, I've been tracing my family tree. Well, more of a stump, really.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Is that cos your ma doesn't know who your da is?
0:01:39 > 0:01:45Aye. But using records from the clap clinic and her diary, I've narrowed it down.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50- Your ma kept a diary? - Well, when I say diary, it's more a list of phone numbers and positions.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Some of these guys have got a star, they must have been good.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Star's just another position.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Oh, aye. I was wondering why it was brown.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03Any of the men in March 1990 could have been my da.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- Jesus, there's loads.- Well, you can't pregnant over from doing that.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10You can get arrested for doing that.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13That one probably explains why she walks with that limp.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Is that a picture of a goat?
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Pablo, if you get rid of all the men your mum did unnatural things with,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23you get left with just one respectable front door entry.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28Pablo, this phone number is your father.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30I'm phoning it.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35This is a touching moment. This is going to be real emotional.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Here, get on the speaker phone, so I can call your da a wanker.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42'Hello, you're through to the parochial house.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45'Unfortunately, Father McGimley isn't here right now.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48'Please say a Hail Mary after the beep.'
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Holy shit!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Exactly. This explains a lot.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54When I was a kid, I was always nervous around priests.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57All kids are nervous around priests. It's good sense.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Maybe it explains why my ma is so religious.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Well, she's always on her knees, that's for sure.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06When I was a kid, growing up,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10most nights in the house I could hear my ma going, "Jesus, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13"oh, Jesus!"
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- Do you ever watch that Who Do You Think You Are? stuff on the telly?- Yeah.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24You know what's refreshing? When you see Jordan doing shows like that
0:03:24 > 0:03:27you realise there were thick people back in the day.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- The lift's moving. Jeez, it's that time already. - Who've we got first?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Cockwatcher doctor from Radio One.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Right, our next guest is an expert in sexually-transmitted infections,
0:03:40 > 0:03:44an area that Pablo's ma had done a fair bit of research on, as well. Ha-ha!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47From Radio One, please welcome Dr Stuart Flanagan!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:51 > 0:03:56- Hi, boys.- # Here comes Dr Flanny! He likes to look at fannies! #
0:03:56 > 0:04:01- Dr Stu, what about you?- How's it going, guys? Nice to see you. - It is a privilege to have you here
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- because we were thinking, we may need you help some time soon. - Yes, exactly.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Your precious jewels may be in my hands at some point.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- So, you know, be nice to me. - We will be. We will try.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- So, here, you're a doctor. - Yes, I am.- Do you know Dr Dre?
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Dr Dre, yeah, he actually didn't go to my medical school,
0:04:19 > 0:04:24- but I've heard about him. I think he's got similar qualifications. - He was a real doctor.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- Whereabouts in London do you live? - I live in Camden.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- BOTH COCKNEY-ESQUE: Camden.- Camden Town. Camden Town.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- That's where all the Irish people go, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Is that where you pick up a lot of work?
0:04:34 > 0:04:39- Keeps me in business, in sexual health.- A lot of boys with, you know, issues down there.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42A lot of issues down there, and the problem is what they issue,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45obviously, and that's where I come in.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Is it true, on your radio show,
0:04:46 > 0:04:50that someone asked you if crisp packets can be used as a condom?
0:04:50 > 0:04:55- Yes, that is true. - And the answer, I know you guys probably want to know about this,
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- is no.- No!- No.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01You see, I thought there would have been some kind of hierarchy.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Your kettle chips for the ladies and a packet of potato for the filthy whores.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07You could use prawn cocktail, I guess.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12I suppose it would kind of, the smell would remain the same, it would be consistent.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- But salt and vinegar might be a little bit problematic. - Right out the window!
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- You're know for working with, what do you call her, Sara Cox on Radio One.- Yes.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- Do you like Cox?- I like Sara, yes.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Would you be averse to kissing Cox?
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Er, I've not been known to, at this stage,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33but, you know, should things come up, obviously.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34THE DUO SNIGGER
0:05:34 > 0:05:38You go on the radio and you talk to teenagers about their private parts.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- Yes, I do. - Your parents must be very proud. - They are very proud of me, indeed.
0:05:42 > 0:05:48- There's a lot of private work in sexual health, and lots of openings in sexual health.- Wah!
0:05:48 > 0:05:53- I've been working on that one for about six weeks. - Nice one. Well done, Stu.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Have you guys ever needed to go to a sexual health clinic?
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- No, definitely not, no. - No, definitely not, no, no, no, never, never.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Because I did want to give you some advice about things that might happen
0:06:04 > 0:06:09- that you might be worried about. - OK, then, hypothetically speaking, just say a friend, let's call him
0:06:09 > 0:06:13um, Eeky, right, say one of his testicles, right,
0:06:13 > 0:06:17swole up to the size of a small grapefruit and the other one
0:06:17 > 0:06:19shrank to the size of a peanut.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Yep. Just say that happened.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25Then he'd definitely need to get a check-up and probably need a course of antibiotics.
0:06:25 > 0:06:31But, you know, in worst cases, sometimes we need to do surgery.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Have you ever heard, for example, of a fractured penis?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- What?!- Yes, it can happen.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- You can break your dick, like? - Yes, you can do.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45I don't know it would ever happen to you guys, because you have to have sex for it happen.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47PABLO GROWLS
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Pablo, calm down, he's a doctor, we may need his services.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- The safe word is Battenberg. - Battenberg.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- OK?- Battenberg.- That'll stall him for about two or three minutes.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Thanks.- What were you saying, you might have to operate?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Yes, if you have really rough sex,
0:07:04 > 0:07:09sometimes it can actually crack the penis and all the blood spills out.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10THEY CRY OUT
0:07:10 > 0:07:13It's not a good look.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Jesus!
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Right, OK, but just stay where you are, go nowhere,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20because we're going to have a wee break for a nice piece of music.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23THUMPING DANCE MUSIC
0:07:23 > 0:07:25SAME MUSIC FROM CAR
0:07:35 > 0:07:38I have heard tell that you were actually in a Dr Who film.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42I was in one of the DVDs, yes.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Was it shite?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48It was voted by Dr Who fans as the worst DVD extra ever.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52How about that?!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Being voted the worst by a bunch of losers like Dr Who fans,
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- that must be pretty embarrassing. - It's not good.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00You're at Radio One at the minute.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05- Yep.- Who's nice to hang out with and who's a bit of a prick?
0:08:05 > 0:08:10Well, Annie Mac is pretty cool. She went to Queen's in Belfast.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- That's right.- And Grimmy, he does the show with Annie Mac.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15He wears them wee tight jeans, doesn't it?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Yes, he does.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19- Wanker.- Hippy.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21And who's a bit of a, bit of a wad, let's face it?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Um...- Name names.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27I have to say the diplomatic answer would be everybody I work with is really nice.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Who don't you work with, then? - Um, I don't work with Fearne Cotton.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Right.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35See what he's saying there? Reading between the lines.
0:08:35 > 0:08:40- Probably you guys are big fans of her, are you?- To me, looking at Fearne Cotton,
0:08:40 > 0:08:45- she's as dirty as a bag of spuds. Would you agree?- Um, Fearne has never been to my clinic,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- so I couldn't discuss those issues. - She can afford better.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Dr Stu, is it true that here in Northern Ireland,
0:08:52 > 0:08:56and Belfast specially, there is a very high incidence of teenage pregnancy?
0:08:56 > 0:09:01Yes, that is true, actually, teenage pregnancy is quite high in Northern Ireland.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05It's something we're really worried about and why we're encouraging people...
0:09:05 > 0:09:10Two things, really. If you're going to have sex, make sure you use contraception, like a condom.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Or you don't have to have sex. I know that's a concept that's a bit crazy.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Sorry, what?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17You don't have to have sex.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22- I know.- What? My brain's just melted.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Dr Stu, have you actually ever tried sex?
0:09:25 > 0:09:29You'll know how good it is. How enhancing of the soul it is.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33If you are going to have sex, at least use a condom, not a crisp packet.
0:09:33 > 0:09:39I suppose that's fair enough. Good advice. Right, that's all we've time for. Pablo, show the man out.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Ladies and gentlemen, Dr Stuart Flanagan!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Cheers, bucko!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Thanks for coming round, nice to meet you.
0:09:47 > 0:09:53Here. When you get back to Radio One, give that Fearne Cotton one for me, all right, son.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55See you, I got to go.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Wanker.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03And a big shout out to Gav, who's sad today, as his pet tortoise has died.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- Aw.- But look on the bright side, Gav, you've lost a tortoise,
0:10:07 > 0:10:09but you've gained an ashtray.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Can I check something with you? - Sure.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Here it is, right? It's really funny. I mean, you find it funny
0:10:17 > 0:10:20when you see a bloke put a kitten into a catapult,
0:10:20 > 0:10:23set it on fire and then fire it towards an orphanage. You'd laugh.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- You'd laugh if you saw that, right?- What?!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29No! That would be the most awful thing ever!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Right. Of course, that wouldn't be funny at all.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Listen, mate, don't look up my name on YouTube for a while.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39HE GROANS
0:10:39 > 0:10:42And now on to the mystery quiz, where our caller has two minutes
0:10:42 > 0:10:44to guess our mystery item.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Once more, we're playing with returning champion, Giles.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Giles, are you ready?- 'Ready!'
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Your time starts...nnnnnnnow!
0:10:51 > 0:10:55- It's something you need to live. - 'Erm, is it oxygen?'
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- No. Something that makes you smile. - 'Erm...did this item
0:10:58 > 0:11:00'write Chesney Hawkes' The One and Only
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- 'and become famous for wearing a snood?'- Not Nik Kershaw, no.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05'What if I put this item in my mouth?'
0:11:05 > 0:11:07You'd become way more attractive to women
0:11:07 > 0:11:11and suddenly be able to solve all the world's political problems.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14'Did it appear in a video with 300 German men in a bouncy castle?'
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- No, it's not my ma.- 'Would I take this item to a desert island?'
0:11:17 > 0:11:20You would, if you wanted to get laid. Almost out of time.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22'Er...is it a pint of lager?'
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Balls! How do you do it?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26'Ha-ha!'
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Still to come, we have Big Brother queen, Josie Gibson,
0:11:29 > 0:11:31and music from The Wonder Villains!
0:11:31 > 0:11:34But before all that, a music track.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36POUNDING DANCE MUSIC
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- Red sauce for burgers.- No. - Brown sauce, pasty bap.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- Did you say red sauce with a burger? - Yeah.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- Mate, get out of the car.- What?! You have brown sauce on a burger?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48The lights are red. Get out of the car.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- Right, you'd order a cheeseburger and you'd get brown sauce?- No!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55What would you have on a cheeseburger?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- Mayonnaise! - No! Mayonnaise on a chicken burger.
0:11:57 > 0:12:02Mayonnaise on a chicken burger, on any of the burger family.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- Got to go to my granny's funeral this weekend.- Oh, mate, is she dead?
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Gone...but not forgotten.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- Right, you'll be wanting to borrow my formal tracksuit, then.- I will.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I'd just like to make a quick apology for last week.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Apparently, I really, really, really,
0:12:18 > 0:12:23really, really should not have used that word about Barack Obama.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26But we heard it in a rap video and thought it was OK for anyone to say.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31- There's the lift going!- Who's this, mate?- It's the band I booked.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34They've been on TV a few times. They've played at Glasgow.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36They've been on the radio.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Er, and apparently they're from a place called Londonderry.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- They're called The Wonder Villains. - It's not Oasis or Kasabian,
0:12:43 > 0:12:44like I asked you to book?
0:12:44 > 0:12:49- No.- Was there some kind of a problem with the booking?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51We were slightly shy on the money front.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Right, OK. Bring them in.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54BELL PINGS
0:12:54 > 0:12:58CHEERING
0:12:58 > 0:13:04- Hello!- Hello, Wonder Villains! How are you?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Good.- Isn't it great to have an all-girl band on the programme?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10It's full of beautiful ladies! How are youse?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- ALL: Great. - Happy days.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Is it true that youse like to write songs about television
0:13:16 > 0:13:17and most of your songs is about TV?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- True.- We're working on a song with you guys at the minute.
0:13:20 > 0:13:26- What sort of TV do you write about? - All my classics - Lost, Heroes...
0:13:26 > 0:13:31Listen to their voices. "Bubbly, bubbly, bubbly, bubbly."
0:13:31 > 0:13:34THEY CHUCKLE
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Don't they talk great? Rachel, tell us which song you want to do for us.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41It's called Space Jam, about the classic film Space Jam.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46That is one of the top three best films of all time, as well as Street Fighter and Cobra.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49If you don't mind making your way to the boudoir and get set up for the tune.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- Right-o. Thanks.- Thank you.
0:13:52 > 0:13:57And you'd better be good. For 50 quid we could have got Wagner!
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Wankers.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03What were you at at the weekend?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Ended up at Ravenhill, at a rugby match.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- You went to the rugby?- Yes.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13HE LAUGHS I know. Mate, it was awful!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16It was pure shite. And, my God, you wouldn't believe it.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- See the way if we were at a match, right?- Right.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23And it's all like, "COME ON! GO AND BREAK HIS LEGS!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26"REFEREE, YOU BASTARD!" All that there.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- Mm?- None of that. - What do you mean?
0:14:28 > 0:14:32It's all like, POSH VOICE: "I say, Jonny, spit it out. Spit it out to the wing.
0:14:32 > 0:14:37"Spit it out to the wing. Go on, Mark. Chase him. After him. Mark, get in there. HEAVE!"
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Really boring. And their songs are absolutely crap.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- Do you know what the main Ulsters' chant is?- What?
0:14:44 > 0:14:48CHANTS LIKE A FOGHORN: Ulster!
0:14:48 > 0:14:52BOTH CHANT: Ulster!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Sounds like a farting goose.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57The guests won't ever, ever sing.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Even the shape of the ball, it's shaped like a testicle.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01They love it.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05They do. Then they all get in the shower and rub each other down.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07POSH VOICE: "I say, Jonny, well played."
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- Well, they have to get the mud off somehow.- "You missed a bit.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13"Let me get that for you. Ha ha. How's that?"
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Those shorts are awfully tight, aren't they?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19They have, and they've got huge, big, massive, big thighs.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21And arses.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Massive big buttocks. Big, manly, big, beefy buttocks.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28As my uncle used to say, "There's no greater joy than a big-arsed boy."
0:15:28 > 0:15:30He was in the Navy, wasn't he?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- Then jail, yeah.- Yes.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35LIFT WHIRS
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- It's about time for our next guest. - Another one?- Aye.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Who is it this time? - It's your woman from Bristol.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Our next guest claims that she goes for men who treat her mean.
0:15:45 > 0:15:51Well, then, I'm your man. Get out of that lift, you sexy bumpkin! Josie Gibson! Yeah!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54CHEERING AND WHISTLING
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- BRISTOL ACCENT:- Hello, my lovely.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- All right, love?- Sit yourself down there, love.- Thank you very much.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04- I like your pussy.- Thank you very much.- What is that on your head?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Have you got a dead rodent on your head?- This is my new hat.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09It's all about the animal hats this year.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- It's very fetching. I like it. - It's nice and warm for the winter.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- Steeky, mate?- What, mate? What? - Is she foreign?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- I can't understand a word she says. - She's from Bristol.- Bristol?
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- Bristolian.- Apparently one of your hobbies is riding horses.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Do you like having big things between your legs?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29SHE LAUGHS
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Pablo! Answer the question, though.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Sometimes.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38What's the largest thing you've ever ridden?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43SHE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- Ha ha!- You two are really naughty. - We are a bit.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- Sorry about that.- I love it.
0:16:49 > 0:16:55- You should be punishing us. - Vigorously and repeatedly.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58We have seen you on the cover of various magazines
0:16:58 > 0:17:01and I just wanted to inquire, when can we see you on the cover of Razzle?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Razzle? What's that?
0:17:04 > 0:17:07It's a men's specialist interest magazine.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09What do they specialise in?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Tits.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16- I can't get my babbers out just yet, can I?- Why not?
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I haven't really got the babbers to get out, really.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Au contraire, my dear.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Oi, you perv!- Sorry. I was not looking at nothing.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Can I say that one of my favourite moments of your stay in the Big Brother house
0:17:31 > 0:17:36wasn't just the kind of glimpse at your body,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40but that heart-warming story you told about the unfortunate woman
0:17:40 > 0:17:43who had her face eaten off by a chimpanzee.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47I know. I bet that woman bloody hates me now.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Cos I've brought it all out in the open again.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54You know, it was done, dusted, in the past and I brought it all up. So I bet she hates me now.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58I laughed my bollocks off. I thought it was class.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Right, don't you go anywhere. We're going to take a wee break for a piece of music.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05BANGING HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Is that that bird that was going off with your man the Aussie boy?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- Yep. You would as well. - I don't know about that.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- What do you call an Australian with a bottle of champagne?- Dunno.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18The waiter. THEY CHUCKLE
0:18:22 > 0:18:27Josie, when you won Big Brother, is it true you gave 20 grand away to charity?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30To cancer and leukaemia in children.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Fair play.- Thank you.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36But 20 grand? That would have bought you, like, a lot of drugs.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40And a chocolate fountain. A brilliant, big chocolate fountain.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44With marshmallows, stuff on sticks and strawberries and stuff.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- I know but it's gone to a good cause.- Yeah...
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- A real good cause.- I love that in a woman, a good tender heart.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- I bet you do.- Having a great set of norks isn't too bad either.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57THEY CHUCKLE LASCIVIOUSLY
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Is it true that you have a scent on the market?
0:19:01 > 0:19:06I do. I've got a perfume called Josie. It smells super lush.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08You're giving some of that to charity, right?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Yeah, £1 goes to a women's cancer charity
0:19:11 > 0:19:15so when they have all their chemotherapy and radiotherapy,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18it sends beauticians round to their house
0:19:18 > 0:19:22and it supplies them with wigs and make-up days, you know,
0:19:22 > 0:19:26and beauty products and things like that just to perk them up.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30So if we were to launch our own Pablo and Steeky scent,
0:19:30 > 0:19:33how do you think we should go about doing that?
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Um, I would say, you could have a Posh Spice and David Beckham one.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43But like a gay Posh Spice and David Beckham one, you know.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- No, I do not know! - What are you implicating?
0:19:46 > 0:19:50They've had a couple, like, a husband and wife perfume,
0:19:50 > 0:19:53but they've never had a gay couple perfume.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55We're not a gay couple, I assure you.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58I think you misunderstand the nature of our relationship.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I've just seen you touch his wanger under that desk!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05I can't help it! It keeps knocking against me. It's like a python.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- I love you. I think your class. - I love you.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13You can come round and stay in my spare room any time.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- You don't have a spare room. You don't even have a room. You kip on my sofa!- Shh!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Any time.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Josie, thank you very much for your time. Been lovely to meet you.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- Cheers.- Thank you. Can I get a little kiss before you go?- Yeah.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Thank you. I love you.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32See you later, Pablo. Nice to meet you, mate.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Pablo, show the young lady out.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36With pleasure.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Love you.- And you.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Josie Gibson there.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Josie and her fiance claim to use JLS condoms. Who would have thought?
0:20:45 > 0:20:50- Members of a boy band touching men's penises.- Right, Josie. It was great to meet you.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52It's a pity John James couldn't come over, you know what I mean?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- We could have met him as well and all that, you know.- Erm, yeah.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Well, I've got to go now, Pablo. So it's really nice to meet you, mate.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Tell you what, if it doesn't work out, give us a wee ring.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- Suck you what?- If it doesn't work out with John, give us a ring.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Oh, you're disgusting. I've got to go. Bye.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Bye.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I'd fuck her till her teeth rattled.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Do you think he kisses his ma with that mouth?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Probably kisses other people's mas with that mouth.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22Ah! The lovely, lovely, lovely Josie.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I am now very, very happy.
0:21:24 > 0:21:31Well, I'm sorry to pish on your chips, as it were, but we have a very sad shout-out now to Dave.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Unfortunately, Dave's just got the all clear from his cancer specialist.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38But why is that a sad shout-out, Pablo?
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Well, he's going to lose his DLA payments, isn't he?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Oh, that is harsh, actually.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Pablo, my producer, where are we for now?- Right.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Do you remember that band we was talking to earlier on from Derry?
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Yes.- They're going to perform in the boudoir.- In my bedroom?
0:21:52 > 0:21:57- Yes.- You'd better not make a mess, and they'd better probably not check under the bed.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00It's the Wonder Villains!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28# We need all your help
0:22:28 > 0:22:30# Help us in a hurry
0:22:30 > 0:22:36# No photographs, no fear You won't have to worry
0:22:41 > 0:22:46# You might thing you're fast But watch it back in slow mo
0:22:46 > 0:22:51# There's only seconds left But you haven't seen Apollo
0:22:51 > 0:22:54# So join us in the sky
0:22:54 > 0:22:55# Save us
0:22:55 > 0:22:57# From the future
0:22:57 > 0:22:59# We know you can fly
0:22:59 > 0:23:02# Help us save the future
0:23:12 > 0:23:17# You fall off our screen a million miles an hour
0:23:17 > 0:23:23# Roller hockey team with supersonic powers
0:23:23 > 0:23:27# We still need your help But we don't have to worry
0:23:27 > 0:23:31# Everybody panic now
0:23:31 > 0:23:33# Give us our fill early
0:23:34 > 0:23:36# Oh, oh
0:23:36 > 0:23:38# Whoa, whoa
0:23:38 > 0:23:41# Oh, oh
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# Whoa, whoa
0:23:43 > 0:23:46# You told us you could fly
0:23:46 > 0:23:49# Whoa, whoa
0:23:49 > 0:23:51# And you didn't even try
0:23:51 > 0:23:54# Whoa, whoa
0:23:54 > 0:23:59# So join us in the sky Save us from the future
0:23:59 > 0:24:01# We don't have try
0:24:01 > 0:24:04# Mike will save the future
0:24:04 > 0:24:06# Whoa, oh
0:24:10 > 0:24:12# Oh, whoa, oh
0:24:15 > 0:24:18# So join us in the sky
0:24:18 > 0:24:20# And save us from the future
0:24:20 > 0:24:23# We don't even try
0:24:23 > 0:24:26# Mike'll save the future
0:24:26 > 0:24:28# Whoa, oh
0:24:31 > 0:24:34# Oh, whoa, oh
0:24:37 > 0:24:43# Oh, whoa, whoa
0:24:43 > 0:24:49# Oh, whoa, whoa. #
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- So, Pabs, is your Marnie better now?- Aye.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22She's nearly off her crutches, which means the benefits'll be reduced.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- Ooh! Hard luck there, mate.- Yeah.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Well, maybe something will turn up.