0:00:18 > 0:00:22Belllfaaaasssst!
0:00:22 > 0:00:28DJ Steeky, here to make you dance like a small-bladdered pensioner.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Shout out this week to Steveo.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Like many burglars, Steveo always liked to take a crap on
0:00:33 > 0:00:35the carpet of the house he was robbing.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Unfortunately, last week Steveo had diarrhoea
0:00:39 > 0:00:42and the police just followed the trail home, like, kind of,
0:00:42 > 0:00:45a scatological Hansel and Gretel.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Here, a man who is smoking hot. The girls like him a lot.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52His knees sometimes get shot.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55You know him as Pablo. Respect, Pablo!
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Steek, Steek, Steek, Steek, STEEKY!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02On tonight's show we have, Big Brother winner, Brian Belo.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- Pooper scooper. - From The Apprentice, Ben Clarke.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09- Sandhurst nob.- Music from the live boudoir from Silhouette.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Our quiz brain dead, but before all that, some music.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16TRANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:20 > 0:01:21All right, Bobbie.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26- Wonders never cease. You're early. - Your girl's up on blocks?- Charming.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33So what were you doing last weekend?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Went out for the day, me and Chantelle.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- To where?- The Giant's Causeway. - The Giant's Causeway?- Aye. - What's that like?
0:01:39 > 0:01:44- Shite. - I would have thought you'd be more at home at, you know, the Giant's Ring?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Where's that?- You never heard of the Giant's Ring?
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- No.- I would have thought you would love the Giant's Ring.- Why?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52You know what goes on there in the car park?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56- What?- Dogging.- Oh, I've done that. - You've done dogging?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Well, you know, I'm a very exotic man, right?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Chantelle said our life needs spiced up.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03She suggested dogging. I said, "What's that?"
0:02:03 > 0:02:05She said, "You go up and you get at it".
0:02:05 > 0:02:07A little bit of bumping uglies in the car.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- And people come up and have a wee look at you.- Just like strangers?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Just like total strangers. - Watching you at it?- Totally. Right.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- And, you put the window down.- Right.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19That gives them a wee signal to pop the lad in.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22So you flash the wee lights and say, "Right, come on over, lads.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26- "There's a bit of action going down". - The window went down, right?- Right.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- Me and Chantelle going at it.- Right. - The fella pops the ole lad in.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- Right.- Chantelle thrashing about a wee bit.- Right.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Off comes the bedroom slipper. Hits the electric window.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- The fella might walk in three weeks. - Oh, my God. You chopped off his walt?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Up for assault, mate.- Nightmare.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49This week, I would like to apologise to all the fat people out there.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52The medical advice I gave out last week was wrong.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56It turns out that, crying while eating an entire tub of Haagen Dazs
0:02:56 > 0:02:58will not help with weight loss.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- Here, what's that noise? That's the lift?- Who is it, Pablo?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05It's our next guest, a Big Brother contestant.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Some people think of him as an idiot off Big Brother,
0:03:09 > 0:03:12but we prefer to think of him as a Shankill Road intellectual.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Please welcome, Big Brother supremo, Brian Belo.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Hello.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Can I get a whoop, whoop? - Can I get a whoop, whoop.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29Can I get a whoop, whoop? So, Brian, tell us this. How has the whole Big Brother thing changed your life?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I'm sure it's opened a load of doors for you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34The whole Big Brother thing changed my life.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I suppose, Big Brother changed my life massively.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42I was able to get a flat. I was able to sleep with glamour girls.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I was able to go out clubbing, to nice places.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- Are you a bit of a Mr Lover Lover man?- No, don't.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Don't, cos' then girls can start thinking I'm a player.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- I'm not a player. I'm not a player.- Are you sure?
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- If anything, I get played.- Really? - Honestly, I get played so much more.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02I haven't had a girlfriend in, in about two-and-a-half years now.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- So, what about the bird off Big Brother?- That was the last.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- That was my last girlfriend. - No!- Is it that long?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I think that was probably my only girlfriend. I've had girls in between,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15but that was my only proper relationship.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Brian, the next time you go off, it's going to be like a shotgun.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- No, I've had sex!- Oh, right.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I don't mean I haven't had sex for two-and-a-half years.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26It's a family-type show.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31So, Brian, tell me, at the time that you were dating,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33was it Sam or Amanda?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35It was Amanda.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37And, I mean, that you, kind of, were very hush, hush about,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40but you tweeted when you filled your trousers on a train.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- Was that a bad decision? - Was that a bad decision?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Do you know what, the thing is about me, I'm very honest.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50What happened, I know what happened there, I had only just really
0:04:50 > 0:04:53been on Twitter for a little bit, at that point.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I didn't realise how many people use Twitter.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01And, so, when I said, "Oh, don't, I've poohed myself on a train".
0:05:04 > 0:05:07So I thought, "Wait a minute, I can't ring anyone up
0:05:07 > 0:05:09"and tell anyone this", because I ring people,
0:05:09 > 0:05:13people on my carriage are going to then be able to know that I've just shit myself.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I would say it was becoming apparent.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20If I tweet about it, then I'd be able to get some advice,
0:05:20 > 0:05:21sort of thing.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23So, I tweeted about it.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Then, by the time I got from my home, so from the train
0:05:27 > 0:05:32to my destination, it had become an article on Metro.co.uk.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Then find out that, the next day I was, like, OK,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38everybody seems to know about the fact that I've just shit myself.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42What is the worst insult that anyone has thrown at you?
0:05:42 > 0:05:47That I appear to be like I was dropped on my head as a baby.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Didn't do me any harm.- I know. Do you know what the funny thing was?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I was sitting there with my old girl. She was talking to someone.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58She was like, "Do you remember when Brian was a baby and we dropped him on his head?"
0:05:58 > 0:06:00I was like, "You dropped me on my head?"
0:06:00 > 0:06:03She was like, "Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you."
0:06:03 > 0:06:08I was like, "Are you sure? I've got all the tabloids clippings calling me dopey and stupid."
0:06:08 > 0:06:13You know what I mean? I only found out I was dropped as a baby, that's probably why I'm quite stupid.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- You went to school with the other Big Brother winner, Chantelle?- Yeah.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19That must have been quite a school, quite special?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21It is a very special school.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24And, do you know, the winner of Britain's Next Top Model, 2007,
0:06:24 > 0:06:28also went to my school as well, Lauren McAvoy, because we was in the same class.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Wow.- Can I ask you just, what sort of music you like?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Cos I'm going to play a track now. What music?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35I love funkiness. I love funkiness.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39We're going to play you some hard house. It's time for a track.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43HARD HOUSE PLAYS
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- You want to learn some Belfastisms?- Proper!
0:06:53 > 0:06:56We're going to come out in Belfast and have it up.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Happy days. There's the three of us, right?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- We're flying through the streets of Belfast.- Yeah.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03There's a couple of girls at a bus stop.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- Are they hotties?- Oh, aye. Of course they are. Of course they are.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Right, proper sorts, like. Wee short skirts and everything.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Lovin' it.- We wind the window down, right? Wind the window down.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15You just go past them, dead, dead smooth.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Really, really classy, sophisticated, right?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20"Get her bucked!"
0:07:20 > 0:07:22What?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- Get her bucked.- Get her bucked.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Give us a buck at ye? - Give us a buck at ye?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Get her bucked. - Get her bucked.- You what?
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Get her bucked.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Get her book?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Or, alternatively, "Give us a buck at ye"?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Give us a book?- Buck. Buck.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Book?- Like... MAKES SQUEAKING SOUNDS
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Bock?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46THEY CONTINUE SQUEAKING
0:07:46 > 0:07:51- Boys, I've never heard of that one. Do you know what you need to do? You're going wrong.- What?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Boys, I'm not trying to teach granny how to suck eggs or nothing.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00But, at the end of the day, you need to learn how to sweet talk a bird.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Show her a bit of your personality, you know.- OK.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06You can't go up to birds like some sort of chav, giving it like that.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07They're going to tell you to jog on!
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- You want to be like, wind down your window.- Right.- Go.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16- "Excuse me, sweetheart".- Excuse me. - "I want to know whereabouts X is".
0:08:16 > 0:08:19As she gets closer and she's about to give you advice go,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22"Oh, babe, do you know what? I really love your eyes.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25"I've never seen a lady with such great eyes as yours."
0:08:25 > 0:08:29At this point, can you introduce her to the crippla?
0:08:31 > 0:08:37- Depends how filthy she is. - Or how unconscious she is?- Yeah.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Oh, you don't want to go for them unconscious though, son. I'll be honest.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44I usually find that they're quite pliable in that state.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49Yeah, they are, but there's the whole thing of Prisoner Cell Block H and everything.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I mean, I honestly don't want to be going down that route.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Do you think, if you were in prison, you might be,
0:08:55 > 0:08:59like, passed about like some kind of Christmas cracker?
0:08:59 > 0:09:00- Like a Christmas cracker?- Aye?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I would use you as currency in jail.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I'd be all right, I'll just hire you out, to Mr Big.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- So, you're going to pimp me, is what you're saying, yeah?- Yeah.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Thanks very much.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15I can tell, cos you boys like me, I think we've got a bond?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Oh, yeah, mate. Listen, we're cool.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I'm realising that Pablo's your main man.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24- If I get on Pablo's good side, I'm on the good side of everyone. - That's right.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- You're Pablo's little bitch, I can tell.- You're my bitch.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30You are Pablo's bitch. You're a proper bitch.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32You're the bitch of the relationship.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Trying to give it a bit of, like, "Yeah, this is how we do it"...
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- Steeky is my bitch. - Pablo tells you what to do, mate.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43Steeky is my bitch. Steeky is my bitch. You are my bitch.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Bitch.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- Are you two quite finished?- Bitch. - Youse have hurt my feelings.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.- You have.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58Why don't you go and get a nice manicure or something, or a wee pedicure, maybe?
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. - Don't. Your make-up'll run.
0:10:02 > 0:10:08- Shut up!- You're getting rinsed. Rinsed like a wet towel, rinsed.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14That's not fair. I thought you were my mate. I thought you were my mate.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I'm your mate! It's just a bit of friendly banter.
0:10:17 > 0:10:23- We're not mates no more! Not mates no more!- Steeky... This is banter.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Brian, don't listen to him. It's his time of the month.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34All right, all right, all right. We're mates now, it's cool.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- He fancies you as well. - It's all cool.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Brian, you were rightly hailed as the first ever black winner of Big Brother.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42That's true.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Do you think your victory gave Barack Obama the courage to run for president?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Honestly, I think it did.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Even when he was going in for his presidency and everything,
0:10:55 > 0:10:56I was like...
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- Oh, shut up! Barack Obama! - No-one had heard of Barack Obama.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Thank you very much. - He was not on the scene at all.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06And he is supposed to be American.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08How many famous black Americans are the?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Why couldn't Jay-Z or P Diddy be president?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15He hasn't even released a good album yet.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- What have you heard that as any good that he's released?- Diddy?
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- No, I am talking about Barack Obama. - Because Diddy is brilliant.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27At the end of the day, Jay-Z has done a lot for America.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28He has.
0:11:28 > 0:11:34He's gone around. He's made love and not war with Beyonce.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37He's got Crazy In Love on the Futurettes.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40And he's not been given the respect he deserves
0:11:40 > 0:11:42by the government of the USA.
0:11:42 > 0:11:48You're right, Brian. It's time to go. I hope you're going to tweet about meeting two extremely
0:11:48 > 0:11:50radically cool and handsome guys in Belfast.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55- Don't worry. I am tweeting about you now. See you later.- Cheers, Brian.
0:11:55 > 0:12:00Pablo, see the man out. Try and make sure he avoids the toilet. I don't trust him.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05- Nice to meet you, Brian. Sound. - Nice to meet you, mates. See you later.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08When the doors open at the bottom, that's when you get out.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Hope he leaves the lift the way he found it.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Brian Belo, there.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22Rightly hailed - hailed - as the first black winner of Big Brother.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Nice to know that Martin Luther King didn't die in vain.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30- Here, Steeks.- What?- You want to know what I found out last night?- What?
0:12:30 > 0:12:35Did you know that there's stuff on the Internet that isn't porn?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- Whaa! Aye, right? - I am deadly serious, mate.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- There was other stuff on the Internet that's not porn.- What?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Like it doesn't have tits in it?
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- It doesn't even have small tits in it.- Man, that's amazing. So what's that stuff like?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I don't know. I was too busy wanking.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- Turn it to radio Ulster. Rigsy's on.- Rigsy?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- That's even worse than this crap. He's shite!- Fair enough.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- Right, what's next, Pablo? - You have a caller on line one.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Hello and who's the next caller who we may help?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- 'Hiya. My name is Kieran.' - And how can we help you, Kieran?
0:13:14 > 0:13:17'I am feeling depressed.'
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Kieran, is that you from the Bally Flip Flops?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22'Yeah, it's me, mate. How are you doing?'
0:13:22 > 0:13:28I suppose you're feeling suicidal cos everyone knows that your girlfriend is buggering anything that moves.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33'What? Maryanne's cheating on me? Oh, Jesus, no.'
0:13:33 > 0:13:36No, no, whatever gave you that idea?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38'GUNSHOT'
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Brilliant work there, Steeks.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46- Steeky, do you think there's life after death?- Aye.
0:13:46 > 0:13:51- What you think heaven is like? - The rivers are WKD.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56The girls are so full of silicone they bounce.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00And all the dole clerks are trusting and naive.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04What do you think hell is like?
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Lurgan.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- What's that noise? It's the lift. - Oh, right. Who is it? - It's today's band.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16It's one of the most promising female singers I think I have ever heard.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Is it Pixie Lott?- No.- Is it Duffy?
0:14:19 > 0:14:20No.
0:14:21 > 0:14:27- Gary Lightbody?- Better than that. It's a band called Silhouette.
0:14:27 > 0:14:34- Hello.- Hi. Hello.- Hi, guys. - What's the craic with this band?
0:14:34 > 0:14:39- The lead singer of this band... She's called Shauna.- Right.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Hi!- Hi, Shuana.- Hi, Pablo.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46- Hang on a minute. I think you fancy her.- No!
0:14:46 > 0:14:51- No!- You do! You love her!
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- You love her! You want to marry her! - Shut up.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- Shut up.- You want to marry her and have little Pablettes.- Shut up.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02Tell us, Shauna, about your band. How long have you been together?
0:15:02 > 0:15:06About a year and a half, two years.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11- Do you have a website? - Aye, we've got a website!- Right.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16- Do you want me to give it to you? - Yeah. Any time.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19It's myspace.com/silhouetteofficial.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Official, right. - Do you know how to spell Silhouette?
0:15:22 > 0:15:27- We'll give it a go. Happy days. - Go on in, then!
0:15:27 > 0:15:33- Let us hear what you're made of! - Cheers! Bye!- See ya!
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Shauna! Shauna! Bye-bye!
0:15:37 > 0:15:42You are so in there. She was undressing you with her eyes.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- She had that trackie top off you. - I get that a lot.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50Now, onto the mystery quiz, where a caller has two minutes to guess our mystery item.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Once again, we're playing with returning champion, Jez.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- Jez, are you ready? - 'Ready!'- Your time starts now!
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- It's something to kick. - 'Is it the poor?'- No.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- Mind you, a lot of poor people worship this item. - 'Oh, Jeremy Kyle.'
0:16:05 > 0:16:09- No. It's leathery, and was at its height in the '70s.- 'Tom Jones?'- No.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13'Is it a huge underground structure that scientists are using
0:16:13 > 0:16:16'to isolate the Higgs-Boson particle and replicate the Big Bang?'
0:16:16 > 0:16:18It isn't that Large Hadron Collider, no.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22'Has it appeared on the Internet with a banana, a donkey and one of the weathermen off Sky News?'
0:16:22 > 0:16:24No, it's not Steeky's ma.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29It's round, full of air, everyone would love to kick it, and people get very annoyed about it sometimes.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32'Oh, you haven't brought Stephen Nolan into the studio, have you?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- 'Oh, wait. Is it a football?' - How do you do it?
0:16:35 > 0:16:36- Every flipping time.- 'Ha-ha!'
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- Look, there's the lift going! Who is it?- I don't know.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43What you call the wee fella? Whats-his-face?
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Our next guest often hears people saying that he puts up a plucky front.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Or at least that's what he thinks they're saying.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53From The Apprentice, please welcome Ben Clarke!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I think you've a fire in the kitchen, there, lads.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- Sit your wee self down there.- How are you doing?- I am exceptionally well.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- What about you?- Not too bad, thanks. - You're looking well.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- I don't know. I think I'm getting a bit fat, to be honest.- You are.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Can I ask you, that's a rather unusual surname, Clarke-From-The-Apprentice.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Is that Dutch-Irish?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22The big forehead would suggest I am slightly Dutch.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25So, Ben, how are you getting on at Sandhurst?
0:17:25 > 0:17:29- Unfortunately, I didn't go. I should have gone, shouldn't I? - He lost his bottle!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- He lost his bottle! - Did you chicken it?
0:17:32 > 0:17:36THEY CLUCK
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Could you lend me and egg, Ben?
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Are you maybe waiting until David Cameron pulls the troops out of Afghanistan
0:17:42 > 0:17:44so you don't go and get your balls shot off?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I could get posted in Northern Ireland, couldn't I?
0:17:47 > 0:17:51There'd be plenty of people who would like to shoot the balls out of you there.
0:17:51 > 0:17:56- Let's face it.- That's what I was thinking!- Absolutely.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Ben, you were on that Dating In The Dark show, yeah?
0:17:58 > 0:18:03That was an absolute 'mare. An absolute disaster. That's right.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05You were blown out by a girl with massive big jugs.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09- I know, they were class. - Why do you think that happened? Did the lights go on?
0:18:09 > 0:18:14I think she kind of realised that all I wanted to do was motorboat her and from there...
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- Sorry, what?- Do what?- Motorboat her. - Moat her boat her? What?
0:18:18 > 0:18:22This is what you do. You stick your head between his tits, and you go...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Like that.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- Oh, motorboat. Right! - You said "moat her boat her".
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- You're posh, we can't understand you. - Sorry about that.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36- I love the way he talks. - Say "How now, brown cow?"
0:18:36 > 0:18:38"How now, brown cow?"
0:18:38 > 0:18:41EXAGGERATED MIMIC: "How now, brown cow?" "How now, brown cow!"
0:18:41 > 0:18:46"It's how now, brown cow?" say it.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49How now, brown cow?
0:18:49 > 0:18:53- That's better! - By George, I think he's got it!
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- Now you're talking proper!- Good man! - OK.- Good man.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Listen, we want to ask you a question,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02because of your incredible business acumen.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07- OK.- Me and Pablo here, we've a... How would you describe it?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10..a lucrative flour distribution business.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Have you any advice on how we could expand our business
0:19:13 > 0:19:16into further markets and territories without increasing
0:19:16 > 0:19:19the chances of the PSNI beating in our back door?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Pay them off!
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- Ahhhh! - The boy's got the smarts!
0:19:25 > 0:19:30- Would you be our business manager? - Would you like to come on board? - And sell flour for you?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33They won't be able to search you, cos you look under age.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35You've got to think about it.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Running a flour business is like running any other business.- Right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43In terms of economics, if you take the world's big flour producers,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46based in South America, the way their operations are run,
0:19:46 > 0:19:51very, very similar to the way other major Fortune 500 company is run.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55- Is that right?- Same structures. It's just a different product.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Am I actually like the CEO? - Technically, yeah.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01C-O-C-K, more like.
0:20:01 > 0:20:06Ben, stay there. Don't move a muscle and I'll be right back. Hold on.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09TECHNO MUSIC
0:20:11 > 0:20:12Weee!
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Weee!
0:20:18 > 0:20:22You appeared on the RTE show Lords Of The Ring.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Was that a remake of Queer As Folk?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27HE LAUGHS
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It wasn't far off, to be honest!
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- Was it like boxing, yeah? - It was.- Who were you fighting?
0:20:34 > 0:20:39I got pulled out by the doctor before I got to fight.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40You got pulled off?
0:20:40 > 0:20:41I was gutted.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Who were you meant to fight?
0:20:43 > 0:20:48I was meant to fight Paul Martin. The showbiz journo from The Mirror.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50PABLO GROWLS Easy, easy.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Has he been slagging off your show?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54He's been milking the whole Stephen Gately thing
0:20:54 > 0:20:59- and that's a big idol of Pablo's. It's a bit personal. - I'll never forget you, Stephen.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04He had the greatest technique of standing off the stool at the key change I've ever seen.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08He was the master. The master. The Gately.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10That move is now called The Gately.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- The Gately? - How come the doctor pulled you off?
0:21:14 > 0:21:18A suspected aneurysm on my head. In my brain.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Wow. They discovered you actually had a brain, brilliant!
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- I was delighted myself.- At that stage in life, that's pretty handy.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Mum and Dad threw a party for me and everything. They were as shocked as I was.
0:21:29 > 0:21:35This being a radio station, we often ask our guests what sort of stuff they life music-wise.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36What do you like?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Love Snow Patrol.- Shite.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- Kings Of Leon.- Shite.- Shite.- Shite? What do you like? Scooter?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Tiesto. Scooter.- Scooter, Tiesto?
0:21:45 > 0:21:46PABLO BEATBOXES
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Nice one. Bring the beats, Pabs.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51BEATBOXING CONTINUES You feeling it, Ben?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53I can get into that.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57Ben from The Apprentice, where are you going to be in two years' time?
0:21:57 > 0:22:01Hopefully in somewhere like Hong Kong
0:22:01 > 0:22:05on a trading floor making lots of money.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Is money really better than sex?
0:22:08 > 0:22:13That's a good question. I only said it to get on the show.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16You've got to sell to your audience,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20and if your audience is a load of researchers, tell them what they want to hear.
0:22:20 > 0:22:26I was wondering in case maybe you'd never had sex. That's a ridiculous thing to say.
0:22:26 > 0:22:32It's quite a likely thing that could happen. Ugly mug, fat keg.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37- I've got terrible chat for a woman. - Have you got bad breath too?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Bad chat, bad breath...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- Tiny wiener?- Tiny.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43A weenus?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- A mangina?- A weenus?
0:22:45 > 0:22:49I've been known to sport the mangina once in a while.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- I think our work here is done.- Yes.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Ben Clarke from The Apprentice! Thank you very much.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Thank you, lads.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- Show the man out and then lock the door, please.- I shall do.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Toodle-loo!
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Pity about the whole Sandhurst thing but pleasure to meet you. Good luck.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Thank you very much. I'm going to need it.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Aye. Sandhurst. Girl Guides, more like.
0:23:19 > 0:23:26Ben Clarke there! Ben famously said that making money is better than sex.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Obviously he's never been rimmed by a Portuguese hooker while another sucks coke off his bell end.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Our thanks to Jackie Fullerton for that observation.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- AMERICAN ACCENTS - Jackie Fullerton? - Jackie Fullerton.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Jackie Fullerton?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Jackie Fuller-TON.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Jack-ee Full-ER-ton.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Jackie Full-erton.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Jack-IE Full-er-ton.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Jackie Fullerton.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Ah-league leaders Linfield-ah.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Are playing ah-Liverpool.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Slow, slow, quick, quick. 2-1.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58THEY LAUGH
0:23:58 > 0:24:01David Healy, Northern Ireland.
0:24:01 > 0:24:07I've got a big shout out here for Seamus from Fermanagh, and that's from his auntie, mother and sister.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Aw, three women who love him.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12It was just the one woman, actually.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16- And who's the next caller? - 'Hi, It's Graham, here.'
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Graham-boooo!
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- What can we do you for? - 'I was wondering if you know how to use a tranquiliser gun.'
0:24:22 > 0:24:26Eh... how big is the thing you want to drug?
0:24:26 > 0:24:27'ELEPHANT TRUMPETS'
0:24:27 > 0:24:30I'm not sure we can help you, mate.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32'I don't want to get a dart gun.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35'Just beat it to death with a shovel or something. Thanks. That was useful.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38'Do you fellas know anything about the ivory trade?'
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Do you not screen these calls?!
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Producer Pablo, produce this. What are we doing now?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48It's time to sojourn to the boudoir
0:24:48 > 0:24:52to hear that band we were talking about earlier.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56They are Silhouette and this track is called Volume Destroyed.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08# Volume destroyed
0:25:08 > 0:25:10# My brand new fluffy toy
0:25:10 > 0:25:12# The childish dream
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# Wasn't listening
0:25:15 > 0:25:17# Send you to go
0:25:17 > 0:25:18# I swear you'll love me more
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# Another day
0:25:20 > 0:25:23# Can't live my life this way
0:25:23 > 0:25:25# Yeah
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# Don't wait, wait up
0:25:43 > 0:25:45# So confusing, I can't
0:25:45 > 0:25:47# Make up my mind
0:25:47 > 0:25:49# Got me in a spin
0:25:49 > 0:25:52# Watch me, ignore me
0:25:52 > 0:25:54# If you want me, no
0:25:54 > 0:25:56# Love me, hate me
0:25:56 > 0:25:58# Depends what mood you're in
0:25:58 > 0:26:00# Your volume destroyed
0:26:00 > 0:26:02# My brand new fluffy toy
0:26:02 > 0:26:03# The childish dream
0:26:03 > 0:26:07# Wasn't listening
0:26:07 > 0:26:10# Send you to go I swear you'll love me more
0:26:10 > 0:26:12# Another day
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# Can't live my life this way
0:26:15 > 0:26:17# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:26:17 > 0:26:19# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow
0:26:19 > 0:26:21# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:26:21 > 0:26:24# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow
0:26:24 > 0:26:26# Little blue bird
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# It's flyin', it's flyin'
0:26:29 > 0:26:31# It's magic white wings
0:26:31 > 0:26:33# Surrounding my cars
0:26:33 > 0:26:36# And all the pretty eyes
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# They're staring, staring at me
0:26:38 > 0:26:42# And I can't control myself
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# Don't wait, wait up
0:26:45 > 0:26:46# So confusing
0:26:46 > 0:26:50# I can't make up my mind
0:26:50 > 0:26:51# Got me in a spin
0:26:51 > 0:26:53# Watch me, ignore me
0:26:53 > 0:26:56# If you only knew
0:26:56 > 0:26:58# Love me, hate me
0:26:58 > 0:26:59# Depends what mood you're in
0:26:59 > 0:27:01# Your volume destroyed
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# My brand new fluffy toy
0:27:04 > 0:27:06# The childish dream
0:27:06 > 0:27:08# Wasn't listening
0:27:08 > 0:27:10# Send you to go
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# I swear you'll love me more
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# Another day
0:27:14 > 0:27:17# Can't live my life this way
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow
0:27:26 > 0:27:28# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:27:28 > 0:27:30# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow
0:27:30 > 0:27:32# Yeah, yeah, yeah
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# Ow-wow-wow-wow-ow. #
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:47 > 0:27:50E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:28:05 > 0:28:08That is one hell of a fancy bracelet your bird's got.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Nah, she's on bail. It's an electronic tag.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Ooh, that's awful!
0:28:12 > 0:28:16It's been mis-wired. Every time I send her a text she pisses herself!