0:00:01 > 0:00:04Five billion kilometres of roads network the planet.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Everywhere, new routes are being forged
0:00:09 > 0:00:11through increasingly difficult terrain.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Ooh!
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Across arctic wilderness...
0:00:14 > 0:00:17That was a game of chicken right there.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19..over high mountain passes...
0:00:19 > 0:00:22That's as big a drop as we've seen so far.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24..and through dense jungles.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Good work, very good work.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30These roads may be a testament to man's ingenuity,
0:00:30 > 0:00:32but driving on them requires skill...
0:00:32 > 0:00:34I'm going to get out the car. I can't bear it.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36..stamina...
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Andy!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39..and a steady nerve.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44This programme contains some strong language
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Comedian and broadcaster Sue Perkins
0:00:46 > 0:00:50is teaming up with the actress and presenter Liza Tarbuck
0:00:50 > 0:00:52to take on the Ho Chi Minh Trail,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54a road that became famous during the Vietnam War.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Jesus Christ!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Whoa!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Still littered with unexploded bombs,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08they'll tackle the most remote and inaccessible parts of the trail.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12I'm aware of UXB-ing, so, you know what I mean? Yep.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Round that way, darling.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22The road will take them on rough jungle tracks...
0:01:23 > 0:01:25A sign there said Death Falls this way.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28..across raging rivers... You all right? Yup.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Just need to get right to the river.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33..and through swampy, sticky mud.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Every mile hemmed in by tons of lethal explosives.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43THEY SHOUT
0:01:43 > 0:01:451,300km along one of the most infamous
0:01:45 > 0:01:48and perilous roads in the world.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53This is dangerous, actually. The bombs are very near the road here.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Liza and Sue know each other socially,
0:02:09 > 0:02:13but they've never been in such close proximity as they will be over the next ten days.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16They begin their journey in Vinh,
0:02:16 > 0:02:19a city that was completely obliterated by American bombing.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I guess what I really know about this area
0:02:24 > 0:02:26is what I've seen on television
0:02:26 > 0:02:29and possibly represented by Hollywood films.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I first met Liza in Holloway Prison for Naughty Ladies,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36we were both doing a six-year stretch and she, yeah, she ruled the roost.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Hi!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Welcome to our home!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Am I intimidated by it? No, I don't think I am, actually.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51You know, neither Sue nor I are idiots.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56I think it'll be a lot of fun,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58and she has the best breasts in show business.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Amazing, even better than Chris Moyles. Best breasts.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Let's just do it. Let's get on the trail.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I was really hoping she was going to drive.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16Their first hurdle is Vinh's rush-hour traffic.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Go, go, go.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Bit of UK intent for you, right there.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Now get behind this bike. He's going a nice, steady pace.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Vietnam has a population of 80 million people
0:03:28 > 0:03:30and 40 million motorbikes.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35The result is traffic chaos and 30 road deaths every day.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Not a fact that seems to faze the girls.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Good horn work. Here comes Susan.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Back off, pink hat.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45# King of the road
0:03:45 > 0:03:48# Trailer for sale... #
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Sue and Liza begin their journey in Vietnam
0:03:55 > 0:03:59before following the Ho Chi Minh Trail into Laos.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00They'll continue driving south,
0:04:00 > 0:04:04but the further they go, the worse the road conditions will become.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09The last stage of their journey will take them back over the border
0:04:09 > 0:04:12into Vietnam to finish on the beaches of the South China Sea.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19It's weird, being just sort of five minutes out of the city
0:04:19 > 0:04:22and there's just paddy fields.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31I did that too fast and I actually ate my own breasts for a second.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Vietnam is one of the world's biggest exporters of rice.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42Every year, over $10 million worth goes to the USA.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46How do they feel about America?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Have you got a bit of a clue on that?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Is there a general feeling?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I mean, you know, you wouldn't feel great.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57You know what, I don't think I would, if, 40 years ago,
0:04:57 > 0:05:00someone had napalmed London or any part of the UK.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Well, we're still in living memory. HORN HONKS
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Well handled. That was interesting. Yes, wasn't it?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17The Vietnam War between the communist North Vietnamese
0:05:17 > 0:05:21and the American-backed South Vietnamese lasted 19 years.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26It ended in 1975 with over 2 million dead,
0:05:26 > 0:05:31victory for the communist North and defeat for the Americans.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Two hours down the road,
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Sue and Lisa are approaching Dong Loc,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41one of the main junctions on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45During the war, this was a target for American bombers.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Today it's a place of national pride and mourning.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Look at that lovely, lovely temple.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03He was going at a lick, wasn't he? This is a shrine, not a motorway.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07A roadside stall is selling offerings for the remembered dead.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Please may I have one of these or do I take two of these?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13We take two, we want one each and burn them.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15A couple of these. Do you want to burn a mobile phone?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17No, not particularly. I'd sooner do that
0:06:17 > 0:06:20in a sort of what-I-know kind of level,
0:06:20 > 0:06:22and perhaps some chrysanthemums.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25So, I guess this is where we burn our sparklers.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Hello. Do you speak English?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Yes. Hi, there.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35We were wondering what we should do with all these things to be respectful.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40So, you pray and then you burn everything. Yeah. OK. OK.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53Everything on top? Yeah. The incense smells amazing.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55This one, the flowers, you put on here.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58So, what does it say up there, please?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Thousands of bombs were dropped on the road,
0:07:08 > 0:07:10but 30% of them failed to explode.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16It was the job of women to mark the unexploded bombs with flags,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19and in 1968, ten young women were tragically killed here
0:07:19 > 0:07:22while trying to keep the road open.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28So, to Westerners it's quite odd that some of the things you burn
0:07:28 > 0:07:31are mobile phones and sunglasses,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33this is all because in the next life...
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I genuinely didn't know how to feel about that.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59It seems very, very alien.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I felt like I didn't know what to do.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03And in that situation I feel really disrespectful
0:08:03 > 0:08:06because I don't want to be seen to be mocking it, and I'm not.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08It's culturally so kind of confusing
0:08:08 > 0:08:10to take up these stacks of fake money,
0:08:10 > 0:08:11and I didn't know the form.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16That's why all worship is a bit confusing if it's not your thing.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25HORN HONKS
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Sorry, I cannot... Oh, man.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29You all right? Well done.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33RSPCA that!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Think that was a slight education for all of us, including the pup.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40It's good, though, driving here, your brain is fully left and right activated.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Yeah.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43It's just things come out from the jungle either side.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Different concentration.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Buffalo, cats, dogs, farmers, all sorts.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55The most remote and challenging sections of the road
0:08:55 > 0:08:58lie across the border in neighbouring Laos,
0:08:58 > 0:09:02and that is where Sue and Liza are now heading.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04This is just heaven.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07It's magic, it really is magic.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15So, these plugs of limestone have popped up,
0:09:15 > 0:09:18and then what's fallen away in between them?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20So, limestone, you've got these fissures,
0:09:20 > 0:09:25so the rain gets in and it breaks it away in these sort of sheer faces.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28The Truong Son mountain range
0:09:28 > 0:09:31forms a natural boundary between the two countries,
0:09:31 > 0:09:35and they have to climb up through heavily forested mountains
0:09:35 > 0:09:36to reach the border.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Amazing that we've just gone one mountain in,
0:09:40 > 0:09:43and it's already so visually different.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Yeah. You get a sense of what Laos' going to be like now.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49During the war,
0:09:49 > 0:09:53the road was extended by the North Vietnamese into Laos.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56It became a vital route for arms and ammunition going south.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04So, this is the Laos border,
0:10:04 > 0:10:08and I'm officially, by about six, seven feet, in another country.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12We left Vietnam, we had to change cars,
0:10:12 > 0:10:15because you can't take those cars into this country.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18We'll use these until we get back down to the Vietnam border
0:10:18 > 0:10:20later on in the journey.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I don't know what to expect for the next few days,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24but nobody said it's going to be easy.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Laos is a far poorer country than Vietnam,
0:10:28 > 0:10:31and it's immediately obvious from the condition of the roads.
0:10:31 > 0:10:37It's just gone from nice highway to red, dusty track, hasn't it?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39As soon as you go over the border, it changes.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I guess there isn't the money for it, is there?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49At the border, the road is forced through a narrow gap
0:10:49 > 0:10:51in the mountains called the Mu Gia Pass.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01The road became so effective during the war that it was here in 1966
0:11:01 > 0:11:04that the US launched the biggest bombing mission since World War II.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17You can see all the blast marks in the rock up there.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23This feels properly like an adventure now.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I'm sort of so bewildered by the landscape.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30It's so beautiful, it's hard to concentrate on the road,
0:11:30 > 0:11:34but the beauty is so undercut by sadness all the time.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36It's so peaceful.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40You just hear the frogs and the crickets and the birds, nothing else.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43And just sitting in this landscape now, you'd have no clue
0:11:43 > 0:11:47that just a few decades ago this was the most bombed place on earth.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48That it was just a channel
0:11:48 > 0:11:52through which endless fighter planes dropped ordnance
0:11:52 > 0:11:54that smashed into the rocks,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56that burnt all the foliage to nothing.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58They even thought about nuking the whole place.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Just a basin of horror,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02and the reason they were doing all this
0:12:02 > 0:12:06and the reason they flew through this landscape
0:12:06 > 0:12:09is because of that aperture you can see in the distance.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10All the trucks, all the soldiers,
0:12:10 > 0:12:12everything had to go through that pass.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Morning rush hour on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Sue and Liza are now in a Buddhist country,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33and getting a blessing from a local monk
0:12:33 > 0:12:36is meant to ensure their safety on the road ahead.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38MONK CHANTS RITUALLY
0:12:54 > 0:12:57OK, welcome to Laos.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Got the soggiest pants in Southeast Asia right now. It's like we're on a ship.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03CHANTING RESUMES
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Do you know, I feel really honoured about that.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21That was really lovely.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I just didn't bank on getting quite as wet as I have.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27HORN BLARES
0:13:31 > 0:13:36In the coming days, they'll need all the help they can get.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47The Ho Chi Minh Trail has hundreds of river crossings,
0:13:47 > 0:13:52and Sue and Liza are about to confront their first big one.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Right, Sue, this looks like it might be quite fierce.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01I've never crossed a river in a car. This is going to be excellent.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03A sort of a mini-Niagara going on.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10What's making me laugh is this is the shallow pool and then you've got the deep pool
0:14:10 > 0:14:12where the grown-ups are,
0:14:12 > 0:14:16unless the water buffalo have suddenly got this small.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Right. I think we can do it, no problem.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26This fella, look, he's doing it on the bike.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27They're doing it on a boat, look!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Into first, that's it.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Right, good luck.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Really strong current.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Yeah, you can do it, I know you can do it.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Oooh!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59It knocked my bloody...
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I'm cured, I'm cured!
0:15:11 > 0:15:14My god, it's knocked some sense into me.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I feel alive again!
0:15:16 > 0:15:18THEY LAUGH
0:15:26 > 0:15:32I'm starving and I think I've probably got a bit of sunstroke.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35I've got away with it, apart from the tops of my ears.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38I, actually, am rocking quite a good look,
0:15:38 > 0:15:41I don't think I've ever looked this good.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43H-O-T doesn't even cover it.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Hot doesn't even cover it.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Look at those two, they look fabulous, don't they?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Marvellous.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Well, I like the look of this village.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01These villages once bore the brunt of heavy bombing,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04and it's left them with some challenging recycling.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09To be honest, if I came across a load of bombs,
0:16:09 > 0:16:11I'd either run like a girl and/or wee myself.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I wouldn't think, "Here's an interior design opportunity,"
0:16:14 > 0:16:16which is what the people of Laos seem to have done.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19It's Grand Designs in a military vein.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Because what they've done is they've taken all the ordnance
0:16:21 > 0:16:24they could find, once it's been defused,
0:16:24 > 0:16:26and they've just adapted it to improve their living conditions.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29So you've got cluster bombs here, which are providing shade.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I've also seen cluster bombs which have been used as stilts,
0:16:32 > 0:16:34so are supporting the building.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36But everywhere you go, there's invention.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42See the old use with things like this for your pig?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49You've got the feed for the pig, this big old boy here. I've got nothing for you, mate.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I'm sorry.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54He's lovely looking, isn't he? Very handsome.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58And then up there, you've got some growing out of an old bomb.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04The war ended nearly four decades ago,
0:17:04 > 0:17:07but there are still people in these villages that lived through it.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Mr Pong, lovely to meet you, sir.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Do you remember when you were a boy when they started to use,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17the Vietnamese started to use the Ho Chi Minh Trail?
0:17:33 > 0:17:34And how did the geography change?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37For example, we've got the mountains in the background,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40and I imagine that they were all changed with the bombing, too?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07There's very little land that's safe to farm,
0:18:07 > 0:18:11so people here risk collecting ordnance for scrap.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Some even hoard live bombs beneath their homes.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Since the war ended, 20,000 people in Laos
0:18:25 > 0:18:28have been killed by unexploded bombs.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33Even now, between 200 and 400 people,
0:18:33 > 0:18:38most of them children, lose their lives to UXBs every year.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52The roadside accommodation is proving to be interesting.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56It seems it's not just bed and breakfast on offer.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59That looks like a brothel to me.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Yeah, it's a Christmas-themed brothel.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03It's a grotto brothel.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Yeah, Santa's own whorehouse.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Oh, look at that, come on in.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12The fairy lights are up, the grog's on the go,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14the rice wine with the deer hoof is ready.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Come and brothel it up in here.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26This part of Laos had no roads
0:19:26 > 0:19:29connecting the villages before the Ho Chi Minh Trail was built.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Now the road is central to village life.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Just days into their journey,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Sue and Liza seem to have settled into their respective roles.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Darling, I've done your washing.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Would you like me to hang it out in the back of the car?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52If you could. OK. I'm just doing some basic car mechanics.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56And then what I thought I'd do is I'd sort of mitre off some wood.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59OK. And create a nice bench seat for us.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I have a herb rack. Have you?
0:20:01 > 0:20:02I'll be right back.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Take care. It really doesn't work like that.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Right, for those people who don't know much about a car engine,
0:20:11 > 0:20:15you've got your brake snake there,
0:20:15 > 0:20:18you've got a couple of litres of cola there.
0:20:18 > 0:20:24That's wi-fi there. Liza's drying her smalls in that.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Clearing Laos' unexploded bombs didn't start until the 1990s,
0:20:50 > 0:20:54and today only a tiny fraction of its land has been made safe.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Markers by the roadside are used to signify the level of risk,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03and red means danger.
0:21:06 > 0:21:13This is dangerous, actually. The bombs are very near the road here,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16which, of course, was the point, wasn't it?
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Jesus Christ!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Please stay in the middle.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32In the middle.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Four decades later, some of the very people who tried to destroy
0:21:39 > 0:21:43the Ho Chi Minh Trail are returning to it.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Interesting that they've come back, actually,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48so there's obviously something within them. Well, we'll find out, I guess.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Well, wouldn't you want to come back, though? I would. Yeah.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Do they come back because they feel guilty?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Do they come back because they want to connect to their past?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Because it makes it all right for them?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00In the East they do pilgrimages, don't they?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01And I think it's about that.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05That they need to put some things to bed
0:22:05 > 0:22:10and learn some things along the journey and honour their chums.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Sue and Liza have heard of two American veterans
0:22:13 > 0:22:15here to meet up with their old enemies.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20Roger Van Dyken and George Buchkowski were part of the top-secret Misty squadron.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Dedicated to disrupting supplies coming down the trail,
0:22:23 > 0:22:27they would fly low and fast to identify enemy targets.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Almost a third of Misty pilots were shot down.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33It's hard to use the term "beauty" when dealing with war,
0:22:33 > 0:22:38but it's been one of the, I can say joys, of now getting together
0:22:38 > 0:22:43with our former enemies, because we can both identify with the conflict
0:22:43 > 0:22:47and nobody can quite understand like we understand one another.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Even though we were on opposite sides,
0:22:51 > 0:22:56there's a common camaraderie that occurs quite quickly.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Because you're trained to take orders
0:22:58 > 0:23:00and you don't question them and you do,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02there's a sense of national pride.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06There's nothing personal. That shows that both sides have gone
0:23:06 > 0:23:10a long way to forgive the hostilities that we had back then,
0:23:10 > 0:23:14and I feel like we've bonded with several of these people
0:23:14 > 0:23:17that we've talked to. It's just absolutely amazing.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20So, if nothing else, we've made some progress here,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22it's certainly helped me.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Just one example of that, down the road here,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28a US airman was shot down.
0:23:28 > 0:23:35We met last night with the head of that nine-gun crew that shot him down.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38One member of that crew
0:23:38 > 0:23:40went to visit his son in the United States,
0:23:40 > 0:23:42and while he was there
0:23:42 > 0:23:45he went to Arlington National Cemetery
0:23:45 > 0:23:50and prayed at the grave of the person he shot down.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53And you met last night and you can all talk about it. Yup.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58So, you feel for your own loss, you feel for their loss and that's reciprocated.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Exactly. That's why "slowly" is a key word.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03You have to process that and come around
0:24:03 > 0:24:06to acknowledge we did terrible things to one another
0:24:06 > 0:24:12and at times we were terrible people in a terrible conflict,
0:24:12 > 0:24:18but now is a time to forgive one another and move on.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21It was lovely to meet you both. Thank you so much. A real pleasure.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Thank you. Thank you.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I did find it very emotional.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33Yes. I found his insight really profound.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36They were just kids when they were flying over here,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38and the whole of their adult life's been spent
0:24:38 > 0:24:41dealing with what they did as kids.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43When I think of when I was their sort of age, I was just...
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Were you not doing the same but different?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48I was drinking two litres of cider at the top of a car park
0:24:48 > 0:24:50crying about a boy called Richard.
0:24:50 > 0:24:57They were flying...you know...planes over Vietnamese mountains
0:24:57 > 0:25:00and rescuing their comrades.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02I mean, I haven't got over Richard, on some level,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05and they've managed to get over, you know,
0:25:05 > 0:25:07they've managed to get over...
0:25:08 > 0:25:11..sort of, one of the worst conflicts of the 20th century.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Look at the butterflies, Sue!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27It's just amazing!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Look at these guys, we're being followed by a line of them.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Butterflies, woo-hoo!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40There are hardly any other cars on the road, but mini tractors
0:25:40 > 0:25:47called tok-toks are used to work the land and get people around.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49It's like Wacky Races.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Thank you.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Sue and Liza have been on the road for nearly a week now,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02but they're not even halfway yet.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Stop annoying me, stop really annoying me.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Stop doing the spider on my knee.
0:26:08 > 0:26:13Well, what's a shame is that they've got two women in a car and all they've done is bicker.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14You know I'm ticklish on my knee,
0:26:14 > 0:26:17and all you're doing is the spider on the kneecap.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I'm trying to put it into fourth.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22What, by doing that? Who changes gear doing that?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Weirdo.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Wow, this is a bit of a viewpoint, I think.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Look at the colour of that!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39BOTH: Whoa!
0:26:39 > 0:26:40What the hell was that?
0:26:46 > 0:26:50This powdery road, it's like driving on cocoa powder.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Now we have another little turn.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Do you think it's down and round or straight on?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58That's very powdery there, whereas that looks more compacted.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01There's a few cobbles there, so there you go.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Good work, Perky.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Are there cobbles there? Yeah.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I think, yeah, 12-point turn here,
0:27:18 > 0:27:19you'll be able to do it.
0:27:25 > 0:27:30If you have to turn the car around on this road, there is no margin for error.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Sue, very uncomfortable.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39With what? With these turns.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41What, because of UXBs?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Well, yeah, actually, because,
0:27:42 > 0:27:48I think there's a level of slack comes in as you get used to it.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52And all the trees round here have got red lines on them saying,
0:27:52 > 0:27:53"Don't come in!"
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I realise... There's just nowhere to turn.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59I know, what can you do?
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Fuck it, I tell you what, they're really draining to do when it's this hot.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Oh, look, they're looking for mines.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28She's got her faithful little dog with her.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31What's intriguing me there is...
0:28:31 > 0:28:32It's woman's work.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35No, it's a little bit near the bleedin' road.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Yeah. And there's no markers.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Sabadee! Sabadee!
0:28:42 > 0:28:46The average wage in Laos is just $3 a day,
0:28:46 > 0:28:49so some people risk searching through danger zones
0:28:49 > 0:28:51with metal detectors to make a living.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57And this is a metal detector.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Are you looking for explosives
0:28:59 > 0:29:02and bombs are or you just looking or metal?
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Do you worry that this work is very dangerous?
0:29:12 > 0:29:16Have you heard of people being injured doing your work
0:29:16 > 0:29:18and hurt and killed?
0:29:25 > 0:29:29Could we look in your basket and see what you've managed to find today?
0:29:33 > 0:29:34Thank you!
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Steady, Sue, there.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40Yeah, interesting. We've got this kind of thing here.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42This is the fin of a cluster bomb...
0:29:43 > 0:29:47..which they jokingly call a pineapple.
0:29:47 > 0:29:53When you start to dig, how do you know whether it's a bit of old motorcycle or whether it's a bomb?
0:29:59 > 0:30:02How much money do you make to do this job?
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Do you mind telling us how old you are?
0:30:09 > 0:30:10Do you know how old you are?
0:30:14 > 0:30:16I wish you all the safety, be very careful.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Thank you very much. And thank you.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21It's really good to speak to you, thank you.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31I was astounded they didn't know how old they were,
0:30:31 > 0:30:34because, of course, that's not really that relevant.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38It's, sort of, surplus to requirements, birthdays and all that,
0:30:38 > 0:30:40just crack on, get on with it.
0:30:40 > 0:30:41There's more important things to do
0:30:41 > 0:30:44like finding where the next meal's coming from.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47Oh, what's this?
0:30:48 > 0:30:49Nana foot. Oh, my goodness,
0:30:49 > 0:30:51that's a bloomin' interesting bridge, isn't it?
0:30:51 > 0:30:53It's great.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55That's fantastic.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57Just bits of timber piled up.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00That's impressive, isn't it?
0:31:00 > 0:31:04And look, it looks like there was a bridge there but it's collapsed!
0:31:04 > 0:31:05THEY LAUGH
0:31:09 > 0:31:11I love it!
0:31:11 > 0:31:13God, I tell you what's interesting as well,
0:31:13 > 0:31:17doing it in a 4x4, with modern-day suspension, allegedly,
0:31:17 > 0:31:19that we've probably knackered,
0:31:19 > 0:31:23but if you were in trucks, army trucks, bikes or on foot,
0:31:23 > 0:31:27and still you're managing to get everything where it's meant to be.
0:31:36 > 0:31:37And it's a nice road.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Very. So, we're near the mine.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Yes, I'd have thought.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44This is money. There's money in this road.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46This is the yellow brick road. There's gold in them there hills!
0:31:51 > 0:31:55Sue and Liza are approaching the Sepon gold and copper mine.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57The existing road can't cope
0:31:57 > 0:32:00with the number of huge lorries accessing the mine.
0:32:00 > 0:32:03But before any work can begin to widen the road,
0:32:03 > 0:32:06the land must be cleared of unexploded bombs.
0:32:06 > 0:32:10Magnus Ahlstrom and his team have been called in.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14You want us to follow you into a site where there are possible
0:32:14 > 0:32:17unexploded ordnance now?
0:32:18 > 0:32:22You will walk on cleared area, all the time, but the surroundings,
0:32:22 > 0:32:24there can be UXOs.
0:32:24 > 0:32:28So, we basically stick to the path, follow you guys. Yes. Do not deviate.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30No. Otherwise trouble.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33Do we get to wear a hat? Yeah, sure.
0:32:38 > 0:32:42I won't be going to have a look at the danger UXB.
0:32:42 > 0:32:49It's a funny old thing, and call me a wuss if you want to,
0:32:49 > 0:32:52but as we were coming through the pass, it's the first time we had
0:32:52 > 0:32:56any juice on our phones, and suddenly a waft of texts etc came through.
0:32:56 > 0:33:01I got 11, three or four of which all said to me, from different mates,
0:33:01 > 0:33:04"I hope you're not taking any unnecessary risks."
0:33:04 > 0:33:06And then I've been presented with one,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09which, because we're on a roll, and we're on a big story,
0:33:09 > 0:33:11and we've been going, "War, war, war!"
0:33:11 > 0:33:14this is a magnificent thing to follow up,
0:33:14 > 0:33:16and how wonderful that people are doing it.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20I'm a pansy blooming presenter-broadcaster from England.
0:33:20 > 0:33:22I'm not Ross Kemp.
0:33:24 > 0:33:25We were going through the safety chat,
0:33:25 > 0:33:28and I was a bit gung-ho, because I thought, "Ooh, steel cap boots
0:33:28 > 0:33:31"and hi-vis jackets, and, ooh, all that sort of stuff."
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Got me, you know, quite pumped up,
0:33:33 > 0:33:35and then Magnus, off camera, just pointed out
0:33:35 > 0:33:39that there are two unexploded 750lb bombs within 100 metres of here,
0:33:39 > 0:33:41and suddenly the bravado has really gone
0:33:41 > 0:33:45and I just look like somebody who auditioned for the Village People
0:33:45 > 0:33:47and didn't quite make the grade.
0:33:47 > 0:33:54So, yeah, genuinely really queasy, plus the fact that, you know,
0:33:54 > 0:33:58Liza's very perceptive and when she says, "This is dangerous,"
0:33:58 > 0:34:01you know, I kind of hear it and part of me thinks, "Why am I doing it?"
0:34:01 > 0:34:04What am I trying to prove to myself or to everybody else?
0:34:04 > 0:34:08And yet here I am. So, we'll see, I guess.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Please hold on to the fence.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Yeah, no, I'm not going to mess around.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22Not overly convinced by the construction of that fence.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31Stay away from the edge.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35So, how many pounds is this one?
0:34:35 > 0:34:37750.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40When you're working with a bomb, what kind of safety equipment do you have?
0:34:40 > 0:34:43None. Helmet and boots.
0:34:43 > 0:34:47Because there's no equipment in the world that would stop... Nah, won't help you.
0:34:47 > 0:34:50You'd vaporise, presumably.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Yeah, you're going to become dust.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55So, ironically, your hat and boots would be all that remain.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57No, not even that.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01So, it would vaporise rubber and steel toecaps, everything.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04So, say, you have to do a controlled explosion,
0:35:04 > 0:35:06what's the procedure for that?
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Yeah, we have to move all living creatures
0:35:08 > 0:35:14surrounding about 1,000 metres away from here and block roads.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17I have to direct the blast, because the pressure's going out somewhere,
0:35:17 > 0:35:21probably go in the bush here and down to the river,
0:35:21 > 0:35:26need to seal off the river here, so there's not going to be boats or anything.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28Airplanes. God.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31I go over there and put some C4 on it,
0:35:31 > 0:35:32and a cable, we move away.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34And then... Bang.
0:35:34 > 0:35:38And you will hear if it goes bang.
0:35:38 > 0:35:42You've worked all round the world, all the major trouble spots of the world,
0:35:42 > 0:35:44have you found that this has been the most...?
0:35:44 > 0:35:48Yeah, this is the most bombed place on the planet.
0:35:48 > 0:35:52And how long do you estimate it would take to clear Laos?
0:35:52 > 0:35:55You'd probably need like a million people or something.
0:35:55 > 0:35:58And how long would a million people take. Oh, man!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00A lifetime? Yeah.
0:36:00 > 0:36:05So, why do you think this particular point on the Ho Chi Minh Trail took so much ordnance?
0:36:05 > 0:36:07Just here is because there's a river crossing.
0:36:07 > 0:36:08OK.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10You smash the bridges.
0:36:10 > 0:36:11Really close to the road.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13That sort of gives me pause for thought,
0:36:13 > 0:36:15because we're driving that road.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17There's this huge bomb just yay far from it.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19It's easy when you're doing long distances
0:36:19 > 0:36:22to be quite cavalier and not think it's dangerous. Yeah.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Because it's hidden, everything is hidden.
0:36:24 > 0:36:27They're just everywhere. Expect the unexpected.
0:36:28 > 0:36:32Thank you, Magnus. Right, much as it's been an education,
0:36:32 > 0:36:36it's not my natural habitat, so I'm going to, I don't know,
0:36:36 > 0:36:39go and go somewhere a bit more ladylike. Yeah.
0:36:39 > 0:36:40Is this a good way, or that way?
0:36:40 > 0:36:44No, don't go in there, follow the road down here.
0:36:46 > 0:36:49I've never been on a trip that's made me feel so conflicted
0:36:49 > 0:36:52and so brain-fugged, because half of me, it's all about,
0:36:52 > 0:36:58my mind is filled with war and destruction and fear and disbelief
0:36:58 > 0:37:02that this beautiful landscape, superficially,
0:37:02 > 0:37:04kind of draws you in with its gorgeousness,
0:37:04 > 0:37:09but it's just rotten with toxins and shrapnel and ordnance underneath,
0:37:09 > 0:37:12and the other part of me is trying to be a bit more Southeast Asian
0:37:12 > 0:37:15and a little less me, actually, and trying to say,
0:37:15 > 0:37:16well, you can dwell on that,
0:37:16 > 0:37:20or you can just look at what the guys are doing here, piece by piece,
0:37:20 > 0:37:24you know, clod of clay by clod of clay, trying to make it better.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31So, Magnus was quite the sex bomb,
0:37:31 > 0:37:35everyone within 100 metres of his blast radius
0:37:35 > 0:37:36was pretty much sucked in.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39Were you sucked in, Sue? I was a bit in the sense,
0:37:39 > 0:37:40and I'm ashamed to say this to you,
0:37:40 > 0:37:43but thought, "I just want to lie my head next to you,
0:37:43 > 0:37:45"just for an evening, because I'd feel safe there."
0:37:51 > 0:37:52Look at that!
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Let's just enjoy that.
0:37:54 > 0:37:55That is beautiful.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57Let's just look at the scenery
0:37:57 > 0:38:00and think this is the most beautiful place.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04This is a beautiful, ladylike country, buggered by war.
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Sue and Liza now face
0:38:26 > 0:38:29one of the most challenging sections of the road,
0:38:29 > 0:38:33400km of jungle, dirt tracks and river crossings
0:38:33 > 0:38:37from the Sepon mine down to the Vietnam border.
0:38:39 > 0:38:43But first, they have a big river to cross.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45The thing is with this river crossing is that if it all goes
0:38:45 > 0:38:49horribly wrong, at least we'll be spared another night in a brothel.
0:38:49 > 0:38:50Oh, there is that.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53There's a part of me that'd rather be washed downstream
0:38:53 > 0:38:56than have another night's accommodation like last night's.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Oh, yeah, that's doable.
0:39:03 > 0:39:06They've been told that vehicles do cross the river here,
0:39:06 > 0:39:10but they need to take a closer look before risking it.
0:39:10 > 0:39:16Because once you've negotiated the fallen trees, UXOs, rocks,
0:39:16 > 0:39:19I don't think there's going to be much of a problem.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28This is shite.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30It's what?
0:39:30 > 0:39:32And then it gets really deep there.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Oh, god, yeah.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36Really deep there.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39There is no way we'll get over there without stalling.
0:39:39 > 0:39:42The thing is not knowing what's in the middle of it. Yeah, exactly.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46So, I'm going to go human dipstick and see how deep it is. Lovely.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48It's nice.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53Oh, man, there are some very odd rocks here.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58That's good! LIZA LAUGHS
0:39:58 > 0:40:01This was in my contract. I said, "Whatever you do,
0:40:01 > 0:40:03"make sure there's a calendar opportunity."
0:40:03 > 0:40:06This is Sue, she's April.
0:40:06 > 0:40:11She's 42. These are her own breasts, as you can tell from the natural sag.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13What's the depth like?
0:40:13 > 0:40:16What do you think it's like?! I'm a dipstick, it's up to here.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20Like I'm going to drive it! I'm not. Why do you think I've gone in here?
0:40:20 > 0:40:24Despite the bravado, they girls have to consider another option.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Failing to get across here could mean losing the car
0:40:27 > 0:40:29and risking the whole trip.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32I understand we're in a 4x4, but I'm slipping all over the shop
0:40:32 > 0:40:34and there's this huge patch where there's just nothing,
0:40:34 > 0:40:37and however exciting it might be for a millisecond,
0:40:37 > 0:40:39the idea of the car actually filling with water...
0:40:39 > 0:40:40It's not exciting.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43We should check out this other river crossing.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52There's a sign back there that says "Death Falls this way,"
0:40:52 > 0:40:55so I suppose we're going to the right spot. Of course we are.
0:40:58 > 0:41:02There's the river. Doesn't look as bad as the other one, does it?
0:41:02 > 0:41:04No.
0:41:07 > 0:41:08Let's start this!
0:41:13 > 0:41:15Nicely done, nicely done.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29You all right? Yeah. I'm just keeping it right up the river.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44Straight, straight, straight.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47You've done something wonderful there, Miss Perkins,
0:41:47 > 0:41:50something wonderful.
0:41:58 > 0:42:00Do you know what? I'm going to cross the Thames like that.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04I've had enough of the Underground. We want to go north to south, we'll go that way.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07Let's not even discuss the fact that we're probably leaking quite a lot of fuel.
0:42:13 > 0:42:16Ooh, this is a bit tricky, actually.
0:42:16 > 0:42:17Yeah.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20This is a bit tricky. Stop, let me have a look.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Go down further to the left. Wait a minute, madam.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25MOUTHS WORDS SILENTLY
0:42:29 > 0:42:30Deffo left-ish.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Oh, I've left my effing brolly.
0:42:36 > 0:42:39Yeah, I want you...
0:42:41 > 0:42:44Whoa, whoa, right up.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Bit more. That's looking pretty good,
0:42:48 > 0:42:51just come forward a bit so you've cleared that.
0:42:51 > 0:42:52Spot on, and then it's a...
0:42:58 > 0:43:00We're probably going to have to go up on that boulder, though,
0:43:00 > 0:43:03because I think it's too high for us to...
0:43:03 > 0:43:06No, no you'll just make it, you just need to skirt that.
0:43:06 > 0:43:10There is enough room. Can you do it, are you all right? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine to do it.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12So, I'm going either side of it, you mean? No.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14Now I'm going this way, to the right of the boulder.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Don't go too right, because you don't want...
0:43:17 > 0:43:19That's when your steering will flip out of your control.
0:43:19 > 0:43:24Right the steering wheel. That's it, right the steering wheel,
0:43:24 > 0:43:26keep the steering wheel straight, and now...
0:43:28 > 0:43:29Round that way, darling.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31Oh, right, god, sorry,
0:43:31 > 0:43:32couldn't see where the road was, sorry.
0:43:32 > 0:43:36I thought we were going up there cos I'm a fucking idiot. Get back a bit.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44That's good, that's OK.
0:43:48 > 0:43:49Good work, very good work.
0:43:52 > 0:43:54Even on this mud track,
0:43:54 > 0:43:57any deviation carries a huge risk.
0:43:57 > 0:43:58Along this remote part of the trail,
0:43:58 > 0:44:01only a tiny fraction of the surrounding land
0:44:01 > 0:44:03has been cleared of unexploded bombs.
0:44:06 > 0:44:07Not that track, please.
0:44:07 > 0:44:10No, no, no, I'm just, you know...
0:44:10 > 0:44:13No, no, I'm aware of UXB-ing, so, you know what I mean?
0:44:13 > 0:44:15It's what I'm good at.
0:44:15 > 0:44:19So am I. I'm not going to try and kill you.
0:44:20 > 0:44:24After six hours picking her way across some of the trail's toughest sections,
0:44:24 > 0:44:25Sue's had enough.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30OK, do you want to swap driving? Yep.
0:44:43 > 0:44:46Sue and Liza are on the most remote part of the trail.
0:44:46 > 0:44:51Very few people come this way, and westerners are a real rarity.
0:44:58 > 0:45:03It's been a hard slog, and the girls decide to take a quick break.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06We might chomp on a few hot nuts.
0:45:08 > 0:45:12Uh-oh. What? Act normal.
0:45:12 > 0:45:14Oh, hello.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20Hello, boys. Hello, darling.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24Sabadee. Sabadee.
0:45:25 > 0:45:30Sabadee. Sabadee. Sabadee. Sabadee. Sabadee.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33Do you want some nuts? Any news?
0:45:33 > 0:45:35Quite scared by your massive knife,
0:45:35 > 0:45:38but I'm going to give you some peanuts and hope you won't use it.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40Yeah, he's put it away.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42There you go, sweetheart. That's great.
0:45:42 > 0:45:43Love the look of you.
0:45:43 > 0:45:46I know a few people who would kill for a chest like...
0:45:46 > 0:45:49Lovely, lovely chest. lovely musculature. Very pretty.
0:45:49 > 0:45:51I see you ogling my jugs, as well.
0:45:51 > 0:45:54Yeah, he's having a right good look at yours.
0:45:54 > 0:45:58What's in there? Can I have a look in there?
0:45:58 > 0:45:59In here?
0:46:00 > 0:46:03It's basically intestines, isn't it, so do I think?
0:46:03 > 0:46:05Actually, that might be chicken.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08Is it? SHE CLUCKS
0:46:08 > 0:46:11Yeah? Is that a yes? Yeah. Which could mean...
0:46:11 > 0:46:12Yeah, they're mental.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14See you later, then, lads.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20Bye, then. Bye.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23They were both really beautiful.
0:46:34 > 0:46:37Whoa, there goes the bottom of this poor thing.
0:46:37 > 0:46:40I look like an expendable crew member in Star Trek.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44I just ate the ceiling of the car.
0:46:44 > 0:46:46It's not over yet, Susan.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Yeah, they've requested at the funeral
0:46:50 > 0:46:52that Slip Sliding Away be played.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56# You know the nearer your destination
0:46:56 > 0:47:02# The more you slip sliding away
0:47:02 > 0:47:04# I know a woman... #
0:47:04 > 0:47:05Oh, that's a bit annoying.
0:47:05 > 0:47:07Are you stuck? Yeah.
0:47:12 > 0:47:14I'll go and push.
0:47:19 > 0:47:20Right.
0:47:22 > 0:47:25Britain's weakest woman is on push duty.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32I'm gonna reverse.
0:47:38 > 0:47:40That really smells bad.
0:47:40 > 0:47:46This is the only occasion where I've ever thought we might need Jeremy Clarkson.
0:47:46 > 0:47:49Why have you mentioned him?
0:47:49 > 0:47:52Problem we've got is there's no grip in the tyres,
0:47:52 > 0:47:55they're all absolutely ram packed full of the clay.
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Yeah.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00Even on the road, there is real danger.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02Churning up mud on the track can be lethal,
0:48:02 > 0:48:05as bombs are only cleared down to a depth of 50cm.
0:48:07 > 0:48:10You see, I don't want to touch anything from the side
0:48:10 > 0:48:12in case 500 bombies fall down.
0:48:12 > 0:48:15Rev, rev, rev.
0:48:17 > 0:48:19It'll be dark in less than an hour.
0:48:19 > 0:48:22If they don't want to spend the night in the jungle,
0:48:22 > 0:48:24they must get moving.
0:48:24 > 0:48:26We're getting more traction.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33Yeah, we're going to be all right. Just...
0:48:36 > 0:48:38Here we go. You can do it. You can do it.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51That's flat out on the accelerator, that.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56BOTH: Whoa!
0:48:57 > 0:48:58There we go.
0:49:00 > 0:49:05I tell you, it just makes a mockery of all the lovely ladies
0:49:05 > 0:49:08taking their kids to school in a 4x4.
0:49:08 > 0:49:09All rich people driving Chelsea tractors
0:49:09 > 0:49:13should be made to do the Ho Chi Minh Trail before they're allowed...
0:49:13 > 0:49:15Before they're even allowed.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17All those precious yummy mummies.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20Delightful people all.
0:49:20 > 0:49:23Where did they come from?
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Brilliant kids.
0:49:25 > 0:49:27Look at them legging it!
0:49:27 > 0:49:30Sabadee! BOTH: Sabadee!
0:49:30 > 0:49:33Sabadee! Sabadee!
0:49:39 > 0:49:41Eventually, they make it through
0:49:41 > 0:49:44and link up with one of Laos' brand new highways.
0:49:45 > 0:49:50This is one of several massive road-building projects
0:49:50 > 0:49:54that connects Laos with Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam.
0:49:54 > 0:49:57On the final leg of Sue and Liza's journey,
0:49:57 > 0:50:01they hope to make it out of Laos and back over the border into Vietnam.
0:50:01 > 0:50:04Da Nang and the beaches of the South China Sea
0:50:04 > 0:50:05will mark the end of their journey.
0:50:07 > 0:50:13The girls are determined to make it in one day, so they're up early.
0:50:13 > 0:50:17At the moment, it's looking like we'll have to go to the beach.
0:50:17 > 0:50:19FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS
0:50:32 > 0:50:35We love that one.
0:50:35 > 0:50:36We nearly there yet?
0:50:38 > 0:50:40The first part of today's journey
0:50:40 > 0:50:43takes them through a part of Laos that was once dense forest.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46Look at these big boys.
0:50:46 > 0:50:50Logging, logging, logging.
0:50:50 > 0:50:53Now, that's interesting, boys.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58Those beautiful trees.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03To get to the border, they're going to have to compete
0:51:03 > 0:51:08with heavily loaded logging trucks hauling hardwood into Vietnam.
0:51:09 > 0:51:13That lorry could topple over there.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15God, I don't want to see that, thank you.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18We're going to be in a log sandwich in a minute.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22OK, burn this.
0:51:26 > 0:51:27Do it.
0:51:29 > 0:51:31God we've just hit the logging trail.
0:51:33 > 0:51:38Oh, hello, our bloke's showing us how it's done, on a blind bend.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48Good god. Oh, my god.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50That doesn't look good at all.
0:51:50 > 0:51:54And it's right next to a slightly smoky... Oh, god!
0:51:54 > 0:51:57That looked like a fatality to me.
0:51:57 > 0:51:58Just when you get blase,
0:51:58 > 0:52:02you get a sobering reminder like that upturned logging truck.
0:52:02 > 0:52:06Just... It's not worth pushing it.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Look at its magnificence.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14Rolling forests just so gladden the eye.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16Beautiful.
0:52:21 > 0:52:25I'm going to have the best wee ever at the border.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28Not right on the border, though, as they tend to take offence at that.
0:52:28 > 0:52:32I think that was one of the dos and don'ts, wasn't it, don't urinate at the border?
0:52:34 > 0:52:36The girls are forced to stop at the border,
0:52:36 > 0:52:38but they are both keen to get moving
0:52:38 > 0:52:41if they're going to make it to the coast today.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44It's going to be faster and noisier once we're on the road there.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47I'm going to get horny. As soon as I pass that,
0:52:47 > 0:52:49I'm bipping that thing.
0:52:49 > 0:52:50Anything coming at me,
0:52:50 > 0:52:53whether it be livestock or a massive great logging truck,
0:52:53 > 0:52:54I'm going to horn the hell out of it.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03This is ridiculous, isn't it?
0:53:03 > 0:53:05It's just deserted. This is like the M25 but with nobody on it.
0:53:05 > 0:53:10And nobody on it for miles as far as the eye can see.
0:53:10 > 0:53:14So, who's it for? is it just to go, "We're communists, hear us roar?!"
0:53:18 > 0:53:23This is the new Ho Chi Minh Highway, built on top of the original trail.
0:53:23 > 0:53:27Just 15 years ago, this area was also pristine forest,
0:53:27 > 0:53:29but it's been stripped of its timber,
0:53:29 > 0:53:33and now coffee, tea and rubber grow here.
0:53:35 > 0:53:36Do you think I'm a bad driver?
0:53:38 > 0:53:41No, because I wouldn't have done this with you, you fruit.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44Who you calling a fruit?
0:53:44 > 0:53:46You bloody fruit. Who are you calling a fruit?
0:53:46 > 0:53:49I could have you. I could take you to a tribunal. Take me.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51That's what you want, isn't it?
0:53:51 > 0:53:53You're just trying to get me into your lair.
0:53:53 > 0:53:55# Sue me, sue me
0:53:55 > 0:53:56# What can you do me?
0:53:56 > 0:53:59# I love you. #
0:54:00 > 0:54:03That's on camera now.
0:54:03 > 0:54:05It's a song from a film!
0:54:17 > 0:54:19Come on, mate. What are you doing?
0:54:19 > 0:54:24This guy is absolutely stupid as all hell.
0:54:24 > 0:54:28Get right up the side of him. I'm going to open the blimmin' door on him if he keeps it up.
0:54:30 > 0:54:33I've got a Vietnamese driving license, have you?
0:54:33 > 0:54:35That'll show him(!)
0:54:35 > 0:54:38Susan, your blood's up, isn't it?
0:54:38 > 0:54:41I was hoping for a bit of... Do you know what I mean,
0:54:41 > 0:54:45you think it'll be all easy now, a nice little run into the beach.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47Don't be silly. Have we, heck!
0:54:48 > 0:54:51As the light fades, Sue and Liza
0:54:51 > 0:54:54are still miles from the beach, their hotel
0:54:54 > 0:54:55and the end of their journey.
0:54:58 > 0:55:01Not another bus. Oh!
0:55:06 > 0:55:09THEY SCREAM PLAYFULLY
0:55:09 > 0:55:12150,000 miles an hour.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14We've both taken an absolute pounding.
0:55:14 > 0:55:17It's like a game of pinball,
0:55:17 > 0:55:23with cars and livestock and buses just randomly fired in all kinds of directions,
0:55:23 > 0:55:25and you have to try and weave your way.
0:55:25 > 0:55:30Just when you think, "Surely I've reached the next level," no, you haven't.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34Who's this with full beams on?
0:55:34 > 0:55:39Christ almighty, they are willing you to fail
0:55:39 > 0:55:43at all times, drivers here, aren't they?
0:55:43 > 0:55:45Oi-oi-oi-oi. My god!
0:55:47 > 0:55:50Single file, darling, and your buffalo.
0:55:51 > 0:55:55Oh, baby, baby, baby, careful. Oh!
0:55:57 > 0:56:00It doesn't really become about preserving your own life,
0:56:00 > 0:56:04it becomes desperate tension about not wanting to kill anything else.
0:56:04 > 0:56:08Is he drunk? Has he got a kid on the back?
0:56:08 > 0:56:10Oh, Jesus. What are you doing?
0:56:10 > 0:56:14There's three kids just...
0:56:14 > 0:56:17Oh, my god, the eldest is, what, 14, driving that bike?
0:56:26 > 0:56:32Finally, after ten gruelling days, Sue and Liza reach sanctuary,
0:56:32 > 0:56:35and the end of their Ho Chi Minh adventure.
0:56:43 > 0:56:45We've gone from dirt tracks and indigenous peoples,
0:56:45 > 0:56:50from scantily-clad men with machetes and baskets of chicken guts
0:56:50 > 0:56:52staring at our boobs
0:56:52 > 0:56:55to mellow surroundings where everyone's dressed in pastels asking if you're OK
0:56:55 > 0:56:57and would you like a shiatsu?
0:57:00 > 0:57:02Come on, Perkins.
0:57:02 > 0:57:04I've absolutely loved it,
0:57:04 > 0:57:10and I think every single bit of it has been important,
0:57:10 > 0:57:11the good and bad.
0:57:13 > 0:57:16We actually journeyed through history,
0:57:16 > 0:57:22we got to bump along the same tracks that trucks bumped along 40 years ago.
0:57:23 > 0:57:26Got very tired about talking about the war
0:57:26 > 0:57:29because it was sort of contradictory
0:57:29 > 0:57:33to what we were actually witnessing, which is an extraordinary recovery
0:57:33 > 0:57:37by extraordinary people, be it in Vietnam or be it in Laos.
0:57:40 > 0:57:44Liza drove me utterly, utterly insane.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46We had a real laugh.
0:57:46 > 0:57:49And I couldn't have wished for a better person to do it with.
0:57:49 > 0:57:52Well done.
0:57:52 > 0:57:55Sue is fabulous and I drove her potty.
0:57:55 > 0:57:58I told her, "I'm going to drive you mad.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01"I don't know how or when or for how long, but I will drive you mad."
0:58:05 > 0:58:06I had a wonderful time.
0:58:06 > 0:58:08It wasn't the wonderful time I thought I'd have,
0:58:08 > 0:58:10but it so far exceeded that
0:58:10 > 0:58:14with its depth and its range and its character and its memories
0:58:14 > 0:58:17that I feel really blessed, actually. Really, truly, blessed.
0:58:47 > 0:58:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd