0:00:02 > 0:00:04'When I had a baby, the furthest thing from my mind
0:00:04 > 0:00:08'was the growing pains that were just around the corner.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13'And there's a lot more to come as a parent.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15'You have to juggle teaching the ABCs...'
0:00:15 > 0:00:17All done, hooray!
0:00:17 > 0:00:21I'm literally ridiculously impressed.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23'Dishing out all the latest gear.'
0:00:23 > 0:00:26If they see something, by the end of the week they've got it.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28'Keeping them out of harm's way.'
0:00:28 > 0:00:33I just don't feel comfortable when there's so much knife crime and gangs, and things like that.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36'And wiping away the tears.'
0:00:38 > 0:00:43All she cares about is herself, and I don't know how you're meant to parent that.
0:00:43 > 0:00:48'I want to meet mums across Britain who are passionate about the ways they bring up their kids.'
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Two most important things are good manners and eating your vegetables.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55'In the hope of becoming best prepared for my daughter Coco.'
0:00:55 > 0:00:59You're definitely not equipped to deal with something like this.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I'm not, anyway.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06This programme contains some strong language
0:01:07 > 0:01:09'18 months ago,
0:01:09 > 0:01:13'I gave birth to the little miracle that is my daughter Coco.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16'She's the apple of my eye, and like every parent,
0:01:16 > 0:01:21'I want to bring her up to be a safe, happy and successful person.
0:01:21 > 0:01:28'But Coco is beginning to get a mind of her own, and starting to push the boundaries,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31'so how do I actually do it?'
0:01:31 > 0:01:33No, no. Coco, no!
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Up until now, there's been absolutely no method to my motherhood.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42I've just basically been winging it a bit, hoping instincts would be enough.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45There've been a few times where I've thought,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48"I don't know what I'm doing and how to handle this situation."
0:01:48 > 0:01:52I actually need to decide now what kind of mother I want to be.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Am I going to be strict or am I going to be relaxed and happy-go-lucky?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58I don't really know.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04'My mum says she struggled most with me when I hit my rebellious teens.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08'I was a nightmare, drinking, smoking and meeting boys.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11'It might be a long way off for Coco,
0:02:11 > 0:02:15'but even the thought of it fills me with dread.
0:02:18 > 0:02:24'The first mum I've come to meet is Lindsay, an A&E nurse from Rugby,
0:02:24 > 0:02:28'with two sons, Cameron and Logan, and a 14-year-old daughter, Abbie.'
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Tell me about your family life.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35It's good apart from my eldest, Abbie,
0:02:35 > 0:02:40who, yes, is a teenager, and we all know it!
0:02:40 > 0:02:41What are you finding hard?
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Everything with her. She...
0:02:45 > 0:02:49It's like she's got a tick-list of things to do to annoy your parents
0:02:49 > 0:02:53and things you're meant to do as a teenager, and she's working steadily through them.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59'The problems with bad behaviour and lying started when Abbie was 11.
0:02:59 > 0:03:04'Lindsay's now resorted to inspecting Abbie's bedroom on a regular basis.'
0:03:04 > 0:03:07In this pocket, she had a little bag of cannabis.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14So, yeah, now I have to check her pockets as well.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Can you get inside her head?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I do remember what it's like.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24I do remember that everything does revolve around your friends,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28and that adults are just... Just do nag at you...
0:03:29 > 0:03:35But I still had the respect that I didn't swear at my parents,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38and I was scared if I was in trouble,
0:03:38 > 0:03:43but she doesn't seem to care if she gets told off.
0:03:43 > 0:03:48It just goes straight over her head and she'll go and do the same thing.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54I don't trust her.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Everything that she says I just think is a lie now.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04More than anything, it's just sad. It shouldn't have got to this point
0:04:04 > 0:04:10and I'm not really sure...where you take it from here, really.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18When you do your ante-natal classes and they teach you about nappies,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21no-one really talks about the teenage years.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25You're definitely not equipped to deal with something like this.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27I'm not, anyway.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I wouldn't have a clue how to deal with this.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- Hiya.- Hi.- Hi, I'm Cherry. Abbie. Nice to meet you.- You, too.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- Was school all right?- It was OK. - Glad it's finished?- Definitely. - Yeah, I bet.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48- Cool, wicked. Shall we go?- Yeah.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53'14-year-old Abbie is a popular and outgoing student with clear ambitions about the future.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57'She wants to become a tattoo artist and move to the States.'
0:04:57 > 0:05:01I like doing my art, which is like tattooing. I want to do that.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- I noticed on your hands...- Yeah. - Practising.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07I got bored and my mates just did it.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09And they got bored and they got to do it.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12What kind of tattoos do you want?
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Quite a lot. I want ones on my hands, and on my back and everywhere.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18And the piercings as well, and stuff like that.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21What are things like with your mum at the moment?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I think she thinks quite badly of me.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26She's told me she's not proud of me, she never will be.
0:05:26 > 0:05:32She's told me I'm horrible, selfish, and so, so many things.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38And then she'll say she loves me sometimes but I think I've heard that once in the past year.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42And it's horrible. I just don't think she really likes me much.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47She'd much rather I be a completely different person but it's not going to happen.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Do you think you're badly behaved? - Probably, yeah.
0:05:50 > 0:05:56I try to be good sometimes but it's more fun when you're bad behaved, to be honest.
0:05:56 > 0:06:01'In two weeks' time, there's a gig night in town
0:06:01 > 0:06:03'that Abbie is desperate to go to,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06'despite getting into trouble there in the past.
0:06:06 > 0:06:12- Hello.- Hi.- What you after? - I don't know. Erm...
0:06:13 > 0:06:18- You know FMR?- Yeah.- Could I go?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- When is it on?- 1st April.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26Erm... I don't know Abbie, cos last time you went you weren't there.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29I know where I was and I was not at Found?
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- Well, I don't know where you were and that is the point.- All right(!)
0:06:33 > 0:06:37I'll think about it but it absolutely depends on your behaviour.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42Cos why should I let you go somewhere when you haven't given us anything back?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I'm not going to magically change overnight.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Well, I'd like you to magically change just a little bit.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Sod off... Bitch.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57And that's negotiation!
0:06:59 > 0:07:04The atmosphere in the house when Abbie's around is very tense.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07It's very stressful for Lindsay.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Communication has completely broken down, there is no trust.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14There's a lot of anger and they are at stalemate.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22'The challenges for me as a mum to toddler Coco are a bit more basic,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24'so you'd think more straightforward.'
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Mummy's going to make your lunch. - No!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29'How to feed my daughter healthy food.'
0:07:29 > 0:07:34Even the mention of the word "lunch" is enough to send her into a total whack attack!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36No!
0:07:36 > 0:07:41So on the menu today is a delicious pasta, vegetable
0:07:41 > 0:07:45and tuna baby-mush thing.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Look, yummy. Oh, delicious!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I'd happily eat it.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54No! N...
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Have a little sit in your chair.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59COCO CRIES AND SHOUTS
0:07:59 > 0:08:01She's really strong!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03COCO CONTINUES CRYING AND SHOUTING
0:08:03 > 0:08:08'It's got so bad that it's turned into a daily battle.'
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Just a little bit.- No!- No?- No!- No?
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- Would it make a difference if you knew this took me about four hours...- No!- No?
0:08:17 > 0:08:21'And sadly it's one that Coco usually wins.'
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Little try?- No! - A little tiny bit.- No!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26- No!- No?
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Meal times can be a real battle and sometimes if I've had a long day,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33'I can be really wet and give up,'
0:08:33 > 0:08:38and we just end up on the sofa watching bed-time telly.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41'OK, so it's not ideal,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44'but letting Coco win sometimes doesn't feel that bad,
0:08:44 > 0:08:48'and I don't really want to make food a massive issue.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53'But I know some parents would think it would cause problems later,
0:08:53 > 0:08:57'and that the key to a happy home is in setting very clear boundaries.'
0:08:58 > 0:09:01'I've come to Sussex to meet a couple
0:09:01 > 0:09:07who believe in an old-fashioned, disciplinarian approach to bringing up their two boys.'
0:09:07 > 0:09:11- Hi, Paul.- Hello, Cherry. Hi!- Nice to meet you.- Come in. And you, come in.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16- Ooh, are you a shoes-off household? - We are, but we don't mind. - It's all right. Don't worry.
0:09:16 > 0:09:22No. No. I like to play by the rules. I don't mind at all.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25As long as I don't have to go barefoot. That's fine.
0:09:25 > 0:09:32'From day one, Paul and Nicky have been very black and white about setting firm rules for their kids.'
0:09:32 > 0:09:35What are some of do's and the don'ts of your household?
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- Ooh...- Don't eat... You eat and drink at the table.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42They never sit on the couch with any food.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47The only time they can maybe sit on the floor is sometimes on a Friday
0:09:47 > 0:09:51it's "sweetie" day and they can have a little bit of relaxation there.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55We do pull them up every so often on manners. That's a very big issue.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59That they know they've got to have please, thank you, et cetera,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01and be very well-behaved.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03The little things like the shoes off when they come in,
0:10:03 > 0:10:07but it's instilled in them a lot of the time. They know that these are the rules.
0:10:07 > 0:10:14I gave Nicky and Paul a camera to film over 2 weeks to show me how discipline is enforced in the house.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Right, you, listen.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I heard you say shut up to me.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I did not say that to you!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Get outside,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25time out, you can go outside!
0:10:25 > 0:10:31We have got them into a routine but we still get times where they keep getting up out of bed
0:10:31 > 0:10:38and sometimes it gets too much and if they really are playing up, one thing we do do sometimes,
0:10:38 > 0:10:40particularly at night,
0:10:40 > 0:10:46is we bring one of them down and we put them just outside in the dark and shut the door.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- You going to go up to bed?- No.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52Well, then you better go out then.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56You gonna get into bed or are you going outside?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58What you doing?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02People might think that's quite cruel or not right at all, but
0:11:02 > 0:11:07the absolute amazing change you get after, I don't know, say 30 seconds
0:11:07 > 0:11:10to a minute of actually doing that,
0:11:10 > 0:11:14it's not long, you bring them back in, straight up to bed, no problem.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Right then, give me a kiss.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Love you loads.- Kiss.
0:11:19 > 0:11:25If you're going to say to them, "Look, if you don't shut up you're gonna be outside,"
0:11:25 > 0:11:28it's quite easy as a parent not to carry that through,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31but they're quite intelligent and they get to know,
0:11:31 > 0:11:36if you don't carry that through, they know that, they know it's just words.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I don't like doing it but I know I'm going to get the result out of it
0:11:40 > 0:11:43at the end of the day and that's why we have done that.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Right, well because you've been good boys,
0:11:46 > 0:11:51- who wants to watch the Doctor Who DVD we got later, yeah?- Me!
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Nicky and Paul's methods may not be to everyone's taste
0:11:55 > 0:11:58but they are demanding of themselves too,
0:11:58 > 0:12:03and have both chosen to work shifts so that one of them is always at home with the boys.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06There are definitely a few benefits to being strict.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Children helping with the washing up,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I want a bit of that!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14When either Lewis or Oliver don't toe the line,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Paul and Nicky also use smacking as their last resort,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21and they're keen to show me when they do this.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23It'll make me better.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27I'm not arguing with you, you're not having any.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Oliver, you'll be straight back outside.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41Don't you dare touch that fridge or that packet of crisps up there, no, no.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Now STOP IT.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Come on, bedtime.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Bed now,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03thank you.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Get off, don't do that, no!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08No.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Right, get upstairs, please, now.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13You've been told.
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Bed! Thank you.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Take your rag.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Bed.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33That last one's quite hard to watch, that last smack
0:13:33 > 0:13:35was a proper smack!
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Is that the hardest you do it?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Yeah, but it shocked him, didn't it?
0:13:39 > 0:13:45Yeah, it did and I think that's what you need, the shock factor sometimes because I think a very light tap
0:13:45 > 0:13:50he'd have laughed and it wouldn't have worked and you're losing
0:13:50 > 0:13:57the message there so sometimes a little bit harder so he does realise we do mean business.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- How often do you smack the children? - I suppose with Lewis maybe
0:14:01 > 0:14:06two or three times a week and with Oliver again about the same.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11You know, I'd rather see somebody discipline with a smack then watching a family,
0:14:11 > 0:14:15"No, don't do that, don't do that" and the child walking all over them.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Do you ever worry that violence breeds violence and that,
0:14:19 > 0:14:24by smacking your kids, you may be teaching them something unhealthy?
0:14:24 > 0:14:28I can only judge it by my own personal experiences and the same
0:14:28 > 0:14:35with Nicky, in the fact that we were smacked as kids and I don't think that did us any harm whatsoever.
0:14:35 > 0:14:42I was only smacked twice as a child and because it was so rare
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I remember it vividly.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Once when I cut the back of the sofa open with a knife
0:14:48 > 0:14:53and once when it tired to run across the road
0:14:53 > 0:14:58and I remember being really, really scared
0:14:58 > 0:15:01and very sorry and knowing I'd stepped over the line,
0:15:03 > 0:15:05but I think
0:15:05 > 0:15:10doing it that rarely means that it has a huge impact.
0:15:10 > 0:15:17I think two or three times a week and you're starting to step into a different territory.
0:15:17 > 0:15:22So smacking's not something I want to do on a regular basis as I am not sure it works,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26but a recent government survey found that two thirds of children in Britain
0:15:26 > 0:15:28have been smacked by their parents,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31although only a quarter of parents were happy to admit it.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36If the government made smacking illegal, would you stop?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39No, I'd rather go to court
0:15:39 > 0:15:46and justify why I'm doing it than stop doing what I feel is right.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50That's a really strong belief and I don't honestly think,
0:15:50 > 0:15:56um, anybody has the right to say what you can and can't do with your child.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Kids learn by example, kids are like sponges.
0:16:00 > 0:16:05They watch everything you do and they copy it, and if you're dealing with
0:16:05 > 0:16:11your kid by smacking constantly they can't but learn that example, surely?
0:16:13 > 0:16:20So if I'm not prepared to wield the stick for discipline, perhaps I can always encourage Coco with a carrot.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24After all, a bit of bribery never did anyone too much harm.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I've come to Derby to meet Chantal.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34She's a 28-year-old single mum, who works non-stop to keep a smile
0:16:34 > 0:16:39on her three kids' faces and pay for everything they could ever wish for.
0:16:39 > 0:16:46And when I say she works for it, I mean she really works it.
0:16:55 > 0:17:01As well as lap-dancing, Chantal works as a beautician and waitress
0:17:01 > 0:17:03to keep the money rolling in.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I like to make £200-300 a day.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I like to come to work and make 4, 5 6, 7, 900 pounds a night.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14- What?!- Yeah, you know what I mean? I've made two, three grand a night
0:17:14 > 0:17:16and who's making that?
0:17:16 > 0:17:22I've got kids that want, if they see something, by the end of the week they've got it.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I do this for my kids to have the best. I couldn't
0:17:25 > 0:17:29do it sitting on the dole. Who could live off £100 every two weeks?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32As long as I'm young, fit and able to work and I can give them
0:17:32 > 0:17:35what they want, there's no way over my dead body they're going without.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Juggling three jobs to provide her children with the best
0:17:39 > 0:17:45means that Chantal can work until 4am to earn the big bucks.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Wow, how do you feel?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06It's so early in the morning!
0:18:06 > 0:18:09How are you feeling?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12I'm tired. This is what I do all the time though.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15And how much money did you made?
0:18:15 > 0:18:19About £300, it's not the best but it's Friday night and it's hit and miss.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21What time are you gonna get up?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24What time is it now?
0:18:24 > 0:18:32- 4am.- I'll get into bed about five and be up at about seven with Kameiya for breakfast.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36See you tomorrow.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Bright and early, make sure you're there.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50It's 8am and I am bushed!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Hiya!
0:18:55 > 0:19:02But there's no rest for Chantal, as her five-year-old daughter Kameiya is definitely ready to play.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04How are you feeling?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08I feel like death.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15My head's spinning, I have a headache in my eye,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I feel like I'm dying.
0:19:18 > 0:19:24Chantal's incredible work ethic has paid for sons, Ma-kyi and Kamarl to have every computer console
0:19:24 > 0:19:26they could ever want,
0:19:26 > 0:19:29and daughter Kameiya gets anything she could possibly think of.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33So it's not always easy deciding who's first in line to play a game.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Kameiya, give Ma-Kyi...
0:19:35 > 0:19:38No-one's going to play with you in a minute.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I wish I knew how to do it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Ma-Kyi, come here, come and do it quick please.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Ma-Kyi?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51CHILD WHINGES
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Why is she upset?
0:20:05 > 0:20:10Because she's spoilt, if she doesn't get her own way, because she's got to have player number one,
0:20:10 > 0:20:14she obviously feels like she's got to say it all.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16She's just showing off.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18CHILD GRIZZLES
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Gosh, she's really shouting, isn't she?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Are you going to bed?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Come on then, right come on.
0:20:38 > 0:20:44Chantal's taking the kids out for some good old retail therapy, something they do most weeks.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53But it's not quite the fun and games I thought it would be.
0:20:53 > 0:20:58You boys look a bit sad, what's wrong? Are you all right?
0:20:58 > 0:21:03They've been so excited but if you don't smile I'm not taking you shopping.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05You ready?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07This might cheer you up a bit.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13How is it?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Where are my kids going?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Come here. Don't just walk off.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28If you don't eat your dinner, we ain't going shopping.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Ma-Kyi, no, come here now.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I've noticed that when things get really bad,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38you say to the boys "I won't buy you this, I won't buy you that,"
0:21:38 > 0:21:41do you then follow that threat through successfully?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48I think I'll take that as a no!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54What about these?
0:22:05 > 0:22:11After three hours, the kids have managed to spend 130 quid of mum's money.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Can I see your loot?
0:22:15 > 0:22:16You got an umbrella,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18a music book,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22another book,
0:22:22 > 0:22:23a puzzle,
0:22:23 > 0:22:25and some aqua beads,
0:22:25 > 0:22:28they look really fun.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Boys, what did you get?
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Is that what you wanted? How do you feel now you've got it?
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Happy.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41You wanted that game for ages and you're not smiling.
0:22:41 > 0:22:47Why do I bother because they don't appreciate what I do.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50They got everything they wanted and
0:22:50 > 0:22:54yet they were still really unhappy.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Chantal is either a saint or completely mad.
0:23:01 > 0:23:07I certainly want Coco to be happy but I don't want it to come at the expense of her walking all over me.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12She can't be the boss, I've got to take charge, so I'm going
0:23:12 > 0:23:16all out to tackle the point when I give in most - mealtimes.
0:23:16 > 0:23:23Today it's all about that high chair and this Bolognese, and unless those
0:23:23 > 0:23:29two are part of the equation there will be no food passing Coco's lips.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Cos I've been a bit silly, haven't, just I letting you eat what you want
0:23:33 > 0:23:40but now, my friend, the worm has turned.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44It's not just about food at the moment, it's also about who's boss
0:23:44 > 0:23:48and I've just been a bit wet and kind of relaxed and
0:23:48 > 0:23:53I'm slightly putting on my mummy hat at the moment and bringing out the big guns.
0:24:07 > 0:24:13So far, so predictable, but this time I'm not giving up.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15You want some of this?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23She really doesn't want it.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Surely she can't go on like this all day...
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Can she?
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Poor cow. The phone's next to get it.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I'm really tired of this game.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59OK, I'm throwing in the towel on the high chair,
0:24:59 > 0:25:05but I really want to stay strong on the Bolognese.
0:25:18 > 0:25:24Coco hasn't eaten now for 11 hours, it's 6 o'clock
0:25:24 > 0:25:26and the food is right there.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27She's...
0:25:30 > 0:25:33..definitely not gonna eat today,
0:25:33 > 0:25:34I'd put money on it.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52MOUTHS: Oh, my God!
0:26:46 > 0:26:50OK, she only had four mouthfuls...
0:26:51 > 0:26:57but after 11 hours
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I'm actually pretty happy with that.
0:27:06 > 0:27:12When Coco and I leave the house, my number one concern is keeping her out of harm's way.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18I obviously don't let her out of my sight, but, with constant reminders in news of abductions like
0:27:18 > 0:27:24Jamie Bulger and Madeline McCann, I worry if I'll ever eventually be OK with cutting the apron strings.
0:27:24 > 0:27:30So where should I draw the line between keeping her safe and living a life governed by fear?
0:27:33 > 0:27:38I've come to meet mum of two Faye, who's made the decision to live in
0:27:38 > 0:27:42a rural, gated community with her husband and daughters Eli and Brooke.
0:27:42 > 0:27:48Do you like the area you're living in, is this somewhere you feel safe?
0:27:48 > 0:27:54This particular flat, yeah I feel safe in here, outside this flat, no, not at all.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58I just don't feel comfortable letting my child roam the street
0:27:58 > 0:28:02when there is so much knife crime and gangs and things like that.
0:28:02 > 0:28:08I can understand people do think I keep them in my own little bubble,
0:28:08 > 0:28:12but at the end of the day that is up to me and that is how I want to bring my children up.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I don't want them to grow up too quick.
0:28:15 > 0:28:20The only place that Faye does let 10-year-old Eli play is on the tennis
0:28:20 > 0:28:24court next to her apartment, right where she can see her.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Is this where you like to come and play?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30- Yeah.- Why don't you go other places?
0:28:30 > 0:28:34Because my mum won't allow it, she's very protective between me
0:28:34 > 0:28:38and Brooke, and if we go somewhere else, she'll just worry and panic.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Who does your mum tell you to look out for?
0:28:41 > 0:28:45Well, gangs might jump out and say, "Give me your money!"
0:28:45 > 0:28:48And if you refuse, they might stab you,
0:28:48 > 0:28:56or people that you don't know, especially strangers,
0:28:56 > 0:28:58those are pretty scary, or babysitters,
0:28:58 > 0:29:00they could be very dangerous,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03people in shops that are standing round and you're scared
0:29:03 > 0:29:06and you walk past them and they cover your mouth,
0:29:06 > 0:29:08so you scream and they can't hear you or anything.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Is kidnapping something you're scared of?
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Yeah, like Madeleine, that scares me,
0:29:15 > 0:29:22because I see that or stabbing and being shot and everything.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26'Listening to Eli, I found that really, really shocking.'
0:29:26 > 0:29:29She is terrified of the world.
0:29:29 > 0:29:35She is completely petrified of really, really scary grown-up things, like murder.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41When Faye does go out with her daughters, she makes sure that they always stay within reach.
0:29:41 > 0:29:47When I was younger, I was able to go out and play with my next door neighbour
0:29:47 > 0:29:51and get our bikes and go riding round the block.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53They could never do that now,
0:29:53 > 0:29:56they could never ever in a million years do that.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Why can't Elouise walk down the street on her own?
0:29:59 > 0:30:07Because it's just far too dangerous. I'll show you the sort of things that scare me.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10All she was doing was walking a dog
0:30:10 > 0:30:14and she got slashed 41 times.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16She wasn't out in a club,
0:30:16 > 0:30:21she wasn't partying, she was out walking a dog.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25And this one, this happened the other day.
0:30:25 > 0:30:30He came out of a train station and they hunted him down
0:30:30 > 0:30:33and stabbed him to death, because they went to two different schools.
0:30:33 > 0:30:37Do you think the papers are blowing it out of proportion?
0:30:37 > 0:30:40No, I don't. You can't make something like this up.
0:30:40 > 0:30:45You just can't and, unfortunately, its just going to get a whole lot worse.
0:30:45 > 0:30:50Before you had children, did you think your fear would be this powerful?
0:30:50 > 0:30:54No. If I knew ten years ago
0:30:54 > 0:30:57what it was going to be like now, I wouldn't have had kids.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01'I'm so surprised'
0:31:01 > 0:31:05at her huge level of fear at the world.
0:31:05 > 0:31:13It must be completely exhausting for her and I'm not sure she needs to be that worried.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17Although I don't think the world is as hostile a place as Faye does,
0:31:17 > 0:31:19I can relate to her protective instinct.
0:31:19 > 0:31:24It is really difficult to learn to let go, but eventually I know I'll have to.
0:31:33 > 0:31:37Back in Rugby, and Abi's been grounded since I last saw her.
0:31:37 > 0:31:42But mum Lindsay's told me that, after two weeks of squeaky-clean behaviour,
0:31:42 > 0:31:46she's allowing her to go out to the gig tonight with her friends.
0:31:46 > 0:31:50How come you've decided to let her go? I know you were really questioning whether to.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53We've actually had quite a nice, sort of, week and a half.
0:31:53 > 0:31:58I know she's been grounded and it's kind of forced family time,
0:31:58 > 0:32:02but it's been quite nice really, so I don't want to spoil it
0:32:02 > 0:32:06- and everything to flare up again. - Are you nervous?
0:32:06 > 0:32:12Hmm, a little bit, yeah. I haven't got the energy for more arguments really, so I just hope she behaves.
0:32:14 > 0:32:19So do I, as I've been invited along tonight to observe what Abi's like when she's with her mates.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22- Ta-dah!- That looks sick.
0:32:22 > 0:32:27- Does it look all right?- Yeah, it looks good...and it works well with your nose piercing.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30TEENAGER-ESQUE: Ah, yeah, like, whatever.
0:32:30 > 0:32:33- Yeah, good?- Yeah!- OK, wicked. Great.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36What are the rules your mum has set in place for tonight?
0:32:37 > 0:32:39Don't come home drunk or lean.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44- Drunk or lean?- High, on drugs.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47Oh, God, I feel like your grandma. GRANNY-ESQUE: "What does lean mean?"
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Nah, most people don't know.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53- OK, so, no smoking pot and no drinking.- Mmm-hmm.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55How do you think that's going to go?
0:32:57 > 0:32:58Not well!
0:32:58 > 0:33:04It's like watching a car crash about to happen and I'm, kind of, stuck in the middle of it.
0:33:04 > 0:33:09I just hope tonight doesn't go as badly as I think it's going to go.
0:33:09 > 0:33:13I'm picking you up at quarter past 11. The gig finishes at 11.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17I expect you to be in the car, at the back of McDonald's,
0:33:17 > 0:33:21- at a quarter past 11.- OK. - And no drinking or smoking.- I know.
0:33:21 > 0:33:22OK.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25ABI GIGGLES
0:33:25 > 0:33:28- Can I go now?- I suppose.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42I've literally never seen so many teenagers in one spot, in my life.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Suddenly, they've just gathered!
0:33:46 > 0:33:51There's no cannabis in sight, but an older boy has bought Abi a bottle of vodka
0:33:51 > 0:33:55and she wants to neck as much as she can before going into the gig, where she won't be able to drink.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Can you drink it straight out the bottle?
0:33:59 > 0:34:00Apparently, yes.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- It tastes a bit grim, to be honest, but I can do it.- Is it worth it?
0:34:05 > 0:34:07Yes, without a doubt, it's worth it.
0:34:07 > 0:34:09What do you want out of tonight?
0:34:09 > 0:34:12Tonight, I want to get as...
0:34:12 > 0:34:15Have as much fun as possible and get fairly drunk,
0:34:15 > 0:34:17because it's been a while.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21I've had a break, I've been grounded, it's been a while. I want fun.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24Grounding Abi doesn't seem to have taught her anything.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27In fact, she's seems even more determined to have a blow-out.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31THEY CALL OUT AND SWEAR
0:34:40 > 0:34:43She's definitely off on one, isn't she?
0:34:43 > 0:34:47Yeah, she doesn't know her limit, really, I don't think.
0:34:49 > 0:34:50I burped!
0:34:50 > 0:34:55- Is that normal?- Erm, that's quite about normal for her.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58You're a fucking muppet, where the fuck are you?
0:35:00 > 0:35:02DEAFENING ROCK MUSIC
0:35:02 > 0:35:08The gig's in full swing, but the girls have been refused entry and I'm starting to wonder
0:35:08 > 0:35:12what Lindsay would think if she knew that the ground rules were being flaunted.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15- Are you worried about her finding out?- Where the fuck is my phone?
0:35:15 > 0:35:18No, well, yeah, but, you know.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21Do you think she'll be cross?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- Of course she'll be cross. She's a bitch.- Do you care?
0:35:24 > 0:35:29No, well, yeah, I do care, because if I'm really, really drunk...
0:35:29 > 0:35:36But mind you, I've got... two, three hours to sober up,
0:35:36 > 0:35:38because they took my fucking alcohol,
0:35:38 > 0:35:42so I really don't give a shit, because I'll be sober by then, with any luck.
0:35:42 > 0:35:43Oh, my God, there's Kirsty.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47JAMIE! Can I have a hug?
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Who said my name?
0:35:49 > 0:35:52Oh, it was Charlie. Fuck me!
0:35:52 > 0:35:56So she's basically going to hang around outside
0:35:56 > 0:36:01for three hours, on the streets, pissed.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03The thought of Coco hanging around
0:36:03 > 0:36:10in a busy town, completely wasted, for three hours on her own...
0:36:13 > 0:36:15I'd want to lock her in a cupboard.
0:36:18 > 0:36:24I'd agreed not to take sides, but it's proving increasingly difficult not to,
0:36:24 > 0:36:26especially since the venue have called the police.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Oh, fuck.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30- Abi, are you all right?- I'm fine.
0:36:30 > 0:36:36- What's going on, mate?- Can you just leave me, because if I get told off then my mum's going to kill me.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39- I need to take some details off you first.- No!
0:36:39 > 0:36:41- Listen.- No, you need to listen.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45We've had a call from the club, because of concerns for your welfare,
0:36:45 > 0:36:47so I need to get some details and get it sorted.
0:36:47 > 0:36:53- I can't just leave you. You're underage and you've had a drink. - No, I'm fine, don't ring my parents!
0:36:53 > 0:36:58- I'm not going to ring your parents. Can you make sure someone picks her up?- I'm sorry.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01No, don't be sorry, just trying to make sure you get home safe.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09- Where the FUCK is my vodka? - They took it away.
0:37:09 > 0:37:14You WANKERS! I hate you. I hate you.
0:37:17 > 0:37:22With Abi now unable to even stand up, I make the difficult decision to call Lindsay.
0:37:22 > 0:37:25Hi, Lindsay, it's Cherry.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29I thought I'd just call you. Things have gone a little bit pear shaped.
0:37:30 > 0:37:32Abi's not in a good shape.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41That's her.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Abi, get in the car.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08On one hand, I think, I think Abi's a teenager,
0:38:08 > 0:38:16loads of the other kids are drinking and going wild and...that's what teenagers do,
0:38:16 > 0:38:19but on the other hand, I feel frustrated,
0:38:19 > 0:38:23because I think, "Abi, you know, this is your last chance.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26"Your mum's trusted you to go out...
0:38:29 > 0:38:31"..and you've really broken that trust tonight."
0:38:33 > 0:38:39After seeing Abi rebel, I am really lost as to how us mums
0:38:39 > 0:38:42can keep our kids on the straight and narrow, or if it's even possible.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45Perhaps the only way to stop teens rebelling
0:38:45 > 0:38:49is to trust our kids to make their own decisions, from day one.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00Brighton, the home of all things eccentric and alternative.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04It's a place where anything goes and no-one bats an eyelid.
0:39:04 > 0:39:09I'm here to meet Kate Magic, a vegan food writer who tries to foster
0:39:09 > 0:39:14a stress-free, happy home for her three boys.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16Hello. Are you Kate?
0:39:16 > 0:39:17Nice to meet you.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27It's amazingly calm in your house this morning.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30You've got three kids!
0:39:30 > 0:39:33- How is that possible? - It doesn't usually stay like this.
0:39:33 > 0:39:38We just wake up naturally, usually around 9 o'clock.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40They can just choose when they wake up?
0:39:40 > 0:39:43It's really important to start the day without stress.
0:39:43 > 0:39:47How have the kids responded to having a more relaxed morning and no alarm clocks?
0:39:47 > 0:39:50Sometimes they're too relaxed!
0:39:50 > 0:39:55They're really happy and so I have to work to try and get them to focus
0:39:55 > 0:39:58and remember that there is stuff to do during the day,
0:39:58 > 0:40:01because they wake up and every day's a holiday.
0:40:01 > 0:40:07Ethan and Zac are allowed to wake up when they want to because mum Kate home schools them,
0:40:07 > 0:40:13and under her ethos, the school day begins with the least stressful lesson - colouring in.
0:40:13 > 0:40:18- So is this a normal typical day in your household?- Yeah, this is how they usually start.
0:40:18 > 0:40:20- Quite gentle.- Nice.
0:40:20 > 0:40:25I think, if you said to them, let's do maths first, they'd probably be really resistant.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27Do monkeys have whiskers or not?
0:40:27 > 0:40:29I don't think so.
0:40:29 > 0:40:35An estimated 50,000 British kids are home-schooled and it's becoming ever more popular.
0:40:35 > 0:40:40In Kate's unique take on it, lessons include tidying their rooms
0:40:40 > 0:40:45and washing up - chores which she sees as key to teaching self-discipline.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49It's only in the afternoon that traditional learning begins.
0:40:49 > 0:40:51But what's the number in category four?
0:40:51 > 0:40:53- 41.- Very good.
0:40:53 > 0:40:58So in total, every day, how much academic work do you think
0:40:58 > 0:41:01they'd be able to really do, like properly focus on?
0:41:01 > 0:41:05Their patience really wears thin after half an hour.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08I can't really get much more than half an hour out of them,
0:41:08 > 0:41:11then they need a break, something else, then come back to it.
0:41:11 > 0:41:17Kate believes in kids' independence, and 13-year-old son Reuben is even allowed to manage his own education.
0:41:17 > 0:41:22He's chosen to go to a self-learning college most mornings and spends
0:41:22 > 0:41:25much of the rest of his time writing a sci-fi novel.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27So how long is it at the moment?
0:41:27 > 0:41:30- Umm, 95 pages.- God!
0:41:30 > 0:41:34"Something exploded, men dived to the ground, then jumped to their feet
0:41:34 > 0:41:39"and started firing at an unseen enemy. Laser bolts flew off into the smoke.
0:41:39 > 0:41:44"Someone cried out in pain, then another explosion went off, killing soldiers.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48That's great. That's really good! Do you enjoy writing?
0:41:48 > 0:41:52- Yeah, I'd like to get published one day.- Wow!
0:41:52 > 0:41:56I'm genuinely really, really impressed.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58- I'd never... How old are you?- 13.
0:41:58 > 0:42:04I'd never have been able to do this at 13, on my own. I'm so impressed.
0:42:04 > 0:42:08There definitely is something to this independent learning.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Anyway, I love the outdoor gym.
0:42:18 > 0:42:22This is absolutely the opposite of what my school life was like.
0:42:22 > 0:42:24Right now, I'd have been in double French,
0:42:24 > 0:42:27definitely wouldn't have been by the seaside.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34After a blast of fresh air, I'm in need of a coffee.
0:42:34 > 0:42:39Sadly, it's only healthy living wheatgrass on offer.
0:42:39 > 0:42:42Urgh, that's really disgusting.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45OK, ready, steady, go.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Urgh, that is so gross.
0:42:50 > 0:42:53Eat the strawberry, the strawberry helps.
0:42:58 > 0:42:59What was your education like?
0:42:59 > 0:43:05I went to a private girl's school which was very strict and very, very academic.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09At assembly, we had to all kneel down to check our skirts were regulation length.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11We even had regulation knickers.
0:43:13 > 0:43:15You had to wear grey knickers.
0:43:15 > 0:43:20So even your pants had to be regulated?!
0:43:20 > 0:43:24If you want to be a doctor or a lawyer or something like that,
0:43:24 > 0:43:27then that is the education you need, but that's the minority, isn't it?
0:43:27 > 0:43:31And, for anyone else, it was just really intense.
0:43:31 > 0:43:36Do you worry that, although you're giving your kids these wonderful life skills,
0:43:36 > 0:43:39the qualifications won't necessarily be there?
0:43:39 > 0:43:45Are you worried that one day they'll come up against a brick wall where they need the qualifications?
0:43:45 > 0:43:48No-one's ever asked me how many O-Levels I've got. It doesn't matter that I've
0:43:48 > 0:43:54got a load, because it's never been something I've needed to use, so I don't feel its important for them.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56I think the two most important things
0:43:56 > 0:44:01are good manners and eating your vegetables, do you know what I mean?
0:44:01 > 0:44:03To me that is the most important thing - that they're nice people.
0:44:05 > 0:44:09Personally, there are some things I really love about Kate's parenting style.
0:44:09 > 0:44:14I love that she's so close to her children and wants to be part of their lives and understand them.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18'Maybe I'm a bit more traditional than I realise I am,'
0:44:18 > 0:44:22because I think for me, Kate's parenting style
0:44:22 > 0:44:26is a bit too alternative and wouldn't suit me, particularly.
0:44:32 > 0:44:37Whenever I've been away from Coco, I'm desperate to give her a hug and kiss,
0:44:37 > 0:44:41which makes coming home late hard to bear.
0:44:50 > 0:44:55As much as I love wine, it is a poor substitute for a cuddle.
0:44:56 > 0:45:00I mean, I don't want to say it to its face. I feel bad, but, yeah.
0:45:05 > 0:45:06Mummy's little helper!
0:45:10 > 0:45:17When I am with Coco, I always prioritise doing fun things together and keeping a smile on her face.
0:45:17 > 0:45:23But if I want her to do well in the future, am I holding her back by not pushing her more?
0:45:25 > 0:45:31I've come to the City of London to meet Emily Apple, a grade A motivated mum, who has
0:45:31 > 0:45:37already mapped out her daughter's futures to the best universities and the best possible careers.
0:45:37 > 0:45:40- Hello.- Hi, Cherry, I'm Emily.
0:45:40 > 0:45:41Nice to meet you.
0:45:41 > 0:45:48- How competitive are you? - I can't help but be competitive.
0:45:48 > 0:45:53You want your child performing better than everybody else. I think it's a natural instinct.
0:45:53 > 0:45:57Even if I think my child was born a week early and your child was born a week late,
0:45:57 > 0:46:02so my child's two weeks older than yours, even at that stage, there's a comparison.
0:46:02 > 0:46:06My child was crawling or was able to sit unaided at five months,
0:46:06 > 0:46:09whereas Billy down the road, he was only seven months.
0:46:09 > 0:46:12At every stage of a child's life, you can't help but look
0:46:12 > 0:46:15at your peers and see what their child was doing at the same age.
0:46:15 > 0:46:19I would be willing to trade some of their happiness for good grades.
0:46:19 > 0:46:22'Wow, that's quite a confession,'
0:46:22 > 0:46:24'but not that surprising considering her achievements.'
0:46:24 > 0:46:28I went to Oxford University and studied maths.
0:46:28 > 0:46:33- I actually got into Oxford when I was 16.- Oh, my God! What?! - Yeah, I peaked at 16!
0:46:33 > 0:46:38That's amazing. When I was 16, I was trying to work out which one of Take That I really wanted to snog.
0:46:38 > 0:46:39Oh, I did that, as well!
0:46:42 > 0:46:49Emily is a force of nature. She is fiercely competitive and used to success and achievement.
0:46:49 > 0:46:56The question I want to know is, how does Emily's children respond to that type of focus?
0:46:56 > 0:46:59Is it a negative thing or is it productive?
0:47:03 > 0:47:08It's Sunday and whilst five-year-old Yael is at a four-hour Hebrew class,
0:47:08 > 0:47:14Emily's attentions are focussed on her 18-month-old daughter, Roni.
0:47:14 > 0:47:16- What does a cow do?- Moo.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18Moo, very good.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20'Already, she's able to complete puzzles
0:47:20 > 0:47:23'and match animal noises to pictures.'
0:47:23 > 0:47:25APPLAUSE AND CHEERS
0:47:25 > 0:47:28I'm, literally, ridiculously impressed.
0:47:28 > 0:47:32Coco would never have done that, in a million years.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36How many times do you think she would have had to have done this before she gets to this level?
0:47:36 > 0:47:39I've probably done it with her 15, 20 times.
0:47:40 > 0:47:45I'm more impressed that she can match them together, because that took a bit of training.
0:47:45 > 0:47:48What do you think drives you to be a hands-on mum?
0:47:48 > 0:47:54Nobody gives you a tree diagram, when a child is born, of what to do to get them through various hoops,
0:47:54 > 0:47:57to get them to whatever outcome you're aiming for.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00My biggest worry is missing a step and that being really crucial.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02Is it stressful?
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Yeah, I try not to think about it too much.
0:48:06 > 0:48:11Emily is so passionate about achievement that she's enrolling
0:48:11 > 0:48:15five-year-old Yael on Kumon, extra curricular maths and English tutorial classes.
0:48:15 > 0:48:19- I've come to her first assessment. - Hello. Hi, how are you?
0:48:19 > 0:48:22Nice to see you, and who are you?
0:48:22 > 0:48:27- Yael.- Nice to meet you. It's quite a significant thing you're doing.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Yeah, it's hardcore brain training, so I'm told,
0:48:29 > 0:48:33so lets see what that's all about.
0:48:33 > 0:48:40One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...
0:48:40 > 0:48:44In addition to her full-time school-work, Kumon will involve
0:48:44 > 0:48:47two extra tutorials per week, as well as homework every single day.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50..18, 19, 20.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52Fantastic. What comes after 20?
0:48:52 > 0:48:5821, 22, 23, 24...
0:48:58 > 0:49:03It's quite a bit commitment, it's two classes a week and homework pretty much every day.
0:49:03 > 0:49:06Are you prepared to make that kind of commitment?
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Yeah, I want to do it straight away.
0:49:08 > 0:49:11Give me the homework straight away, because I can only see the benefits.
0:49:11 > 0:49:14Two plus one equals...
0:49:14 > 0:49:20- What does it equal? - Erm... I don't know.- Yes, you do.
0:49:20 > 0:49:26You hear so much this days about how hard it is to get a job, how hard it is to get anywhere in life, how,
0:49:26 > 0:49:31with inflation going up and salaries not going up and life is really tough, and the more I hear this,
0:49:31 > 0:49:36the more I want to give my daughter, as much as I possibly can, the very best grounding.
0:49:36 > 0:49:41If she's a willing candidate, why not load it on? Bring it on, that really is my attitude.
0:49:41 > 0:49:47Yael is one busy young girl, with ballet, swimming, Saturday and Sunday school,
0:49:47 > 0:49:52as well as these new sessions of Kumon, and I wonder if there is literally enough time in each day.
0:49:52 > 0:49:57Do you feel like the commitment Yael's going to make to Kumon
0:49:57 > 0:50:01is a big sacrifice for her, is she going to miss out on other things?
0:50:01 > 0:50:03I don't think so, I don't feel she's missing out.
0:50:03 > 0:50:05I think she gets pleasure from doing that sort of task.
0:50:05 > 0:50:12There are many hours in a day and to sit down for 10 or 15 minutes doing that is just 10 or 15 minutes
0:50:12 > 0:50:16less time of her pottering about with her toys. It's not meaning she can't play until Sunday.
0:50:16 > 0:50:21Emily is a self-confessed pushy mum.
0:50:21 > 0:50:27My only worry is, later down the line, with such high expectations on
0:50:27 > 0:50:33her children and herself, if things go wrong and they are not academic,
0:50:33 > 0:50:39how are they going to cope with that pressure and how is she going to cope with them not making the grade?
0:50:41 > 0:50:47I love Emily's dedication to her daughters and her competitive spirit has really rubbed off on me,
0:50:47 > 0:50:50so if you can't beat 'em, you've got to join 'em.
0:50:50 > 0:50:55A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
0:50:55 > 0:51:02I'm quite passive but, when you meet another mum like Emily, you do start to worry - am I doing enough?
0:51:02 > 0:51:07Am I being proactive enough? Is my child getting enough stimulation?
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Are you ready for your exams now?
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Yeah.
0:51:16 > 0:51:20In Rugby, Lindsay and Abi's relationship is now at rock bottom
0:51:20 > 0:51:24after she broke her promise not to get drunk at her gig on Friday.
0:51:24 > 0:51:31Lindsay's decided to try a mediation session as a last resort to rebuild their relationship.
0:51:31 > 0:51:34We're not on the best terms again, we're not even talking
0:51:34 > 0:51:38and stuff like that, so I kind of regret getting so drunk,
0:51:38 > 0:51:43but I had fun, so, you know, it happens.
0:51:45 > 0:51:48I don't know how
0:51:48 > 0:51:50really how to get past it. I'm so angry.
0:51:53 > 0:51:58I don't know, I can't even trust her to leave the house.
0:52:05 > 0:52:11All she cares about is herself and I don't know how you're meant to parent that, really.
0:52:13 > 0:52:19It'd be really good for the purposes of this session if we can try and keep it quite positive.
0:52:19 > 0:52:25Because I bet we could probably spend a couple of hours just moaning about each other.
0:52:25 > 0:52:31- Do you actually want to get better at listening, would that be a good thing?- Yeah.
0:52:31 > 0:52:33What about you, Lindsay?
0:52:33 > 0:52:35It just goes back to the truth, doesn't it?
0:52:35 > 0:52:40There's no point listening if you know what you're being told isn't the truth.
0:52:40 > 0:52:44What did you say to me on Friday?
0:52:45 > 0:52:48Can you not see why I'm so upset today?
0:52:51 > 0:52:56You promised me so many things on Friday,
0:52:56 > 0:52:59like you have done in the past, and you just threw it back at me
0:52:59 > 0:53:02and I don't know how we're meant to move on from that.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04LINDSAY SOBS
0:53:06 > 0:53:10I'm not going to do it again. I'm not stupid.
0:53:10 > 0:53:13But I don't understand why you did it in the first place.
0:53:13 > 0:53:17Because I'd been stuck in the house for two weeks.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21I wanted to see my mates and have some fun, for a change.
0:53:21 > 0:53:25But you didn't, did you? You were out for three hours and you got
0:53:25 > 0:53:30so paralytic that I had to pick you up from the street.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35I really seriously don't see the point of this.
0:53:35 > 0:53:39I just want to go home and find myself somewhere else to live.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45I'm sorry, I don't want to do this any more.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56I found that incredibly difficult to watch
0:53:56 > 0:53:58and I felt really upset for both Abi and Lindsay.
0:53:58 > 0:54:04There's so much pain between them and, obviously,
0:54:04 > 0:54:06it is hugely overwhelming for Lindsay.
0:54:06 > 0:54:10Sometimes you just want to run away, don't you?
0:54:10 > 0:54:13And sometimes that's a good thing to do.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19Yeah, I just needed some space.
0:54:20 > 0:54:25After 20 minutes, Lindsay's decided to give the session another shot.
0:54:25 > 0:54:29Mum's in tears, you're fed up,
0:54:29 > 0:54:31there's nothing to be said for this at all, is there?
0:54:31 > 0:54:36But there's everything to play for, if you start to break these patterns of behaviour between you.
0:54:36 > 0:54:42Apart from today, when was the last time you two got some time together to do something?
0:54:42 > 0:54:43A while ago.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45Yeah, it is really, isn't it?
0:54:47 > 0:54:50If you could go and do something, what would you like to do?
0:54:52 > 0:54:54To that tree top place, you know?
0:54:54 > 0:54:56Oh, yeah, that'd be cool.
0:54:56 > 0:54:59And how committed are you to making that happen?
0:54:59 > 0:55:01Yeah, we can do that.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03Get somebody to look after Luke.
0:55:05 > 0:55:10It sounds to me like it would be really great for both of you to have some time together.
0:55:13 > 0:55:19'I think one of the things that I've learnt is pick your battles.'
0:55:19 > 0:55:22Yes, it's your duty as a parent to make sure they're safe,
0:55:22 > 0:55:26but actually, if the relationship is not there, you can't discipline them.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29Can I actually ask you to give each other a hug?
0:55:32 > 0:55:35Lindsay and Abi clearly love each other
0:55:35 > 0:55:40and I really hope that they stay dedicated to rebuilding the trust.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47Hello! Hello, bubba!
0:55:50 > 0:55:53Hello! Give Mummy a cuddle.
0:55:54 > 0:56:00From meeting the mums, one of the things I've learnt is that motherhood isn't easy.
0:56:00 > 0:56:03It is wonderful, but it is full of challenges.
0:56:03 > 0:56:08I think part of the challenge of being a mum is that you love this little thing with all of your heart,
0:56:08 > 0:56:15but at the same time, part of your job is to equip them to live their own life, to grow up,
0:56:15 > 0:56:19to be independent, to have their own thoughts, and, in a way, that goes against
0:56:19 > 0:56:24the really strong instinct of wanting to keep them close and protect them.
0:56:24 > 0:56:28And I think that's a really tough challenge for a mum.
0:56:47 > 0:56:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:56:50 > 0:56:53E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk