0:00:28 > 0:00:29SHE SIGHS
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- DONKEY BRAYS - Good afternoon, Marjorie.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Afternoon, Mrs Daniels.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38SHE SIGHS
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Another lovely day, Marjorie.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Sun shining, not a cloud in the sky...
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Ooh!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Well, it seems like everyone's spring cleaning
0:00:53 > 0:00:55for the big weekend, then.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56You mean this?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58"Stand up and be counted
0:00:58 > 0:01:02"in Caesar Augustus's fabulous Roman census."
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Oh, you youngsters are all the same.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Bethlehem will have seen nothing like it.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13People coming from hundreds of miles,
0:01:13 > 0:01:17all to return to the town in which they were born.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, it'll be quite a party.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24What, a real party, with jelly and balloons
0:01:24 > 0:01:29and people dancing on milk vans with tinfoil wrapped around them?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Oh, I most certainly hope not!
0:01:32 > 0:01:35This is about family, Marjorie.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Will there be music?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- Possibly, but...- And singing?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40There may be a bit of...
0:01:40 > 0:01:42And will Judith be going out?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Judith will not be going out!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Her uncle is coming all the way from Nazareth.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50But this place will be rocking later?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53People will start arriving this evening, yes.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56But it'll be bedlam in the streets, Marjorie,
0:01:56 > 0:02:01and King Herod's guards will be keeping everything in order.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Best stay indoors.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07A street party...in Bethlehem!
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Who'd have thought?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12CHICKENS CLUCK
0:02:12 > 0:02:15You think you're going to do WHAT?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Oh, you know, I thought I'd go out for a gentle stroll.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Are you kidding? You, young lady, are far too young
0:02:22 > 0:02:25to go out gallivanting after tea.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Calm down, love. Marjorie will be fine.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29My child is not going out there
0:02:29 > 0:02:33to mix with goodness knows who from goodness knows where!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I bet Judith's going out.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Oh, JUDITH, the donkey from number 75?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41She most certainly is not.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Brian and I were chatting to her mother, Beryl, this morning.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Isn't Beryl's brother Ted, Fred, or Jed,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51coming for this census thing?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53He's coming from Nazareth.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57If Judith's Uncle Edmund is coming from the back of beyond,
0:02:57 > 0:03:01you can be certain that Judith is staying put to welcome him.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02HE CRIES OUT
0:03:02 > 0:03:06But it's SO boring in Bethlehem.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Nothing ever happens,
0:03:08 > 0:03:12and nothing ever happens in this blinking stable either.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16This, young lady, is not a stable, and well you know it!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19This is a barn. It's got a manger and an outside loo.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Stable, barn, same difference.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25There most certainly IS a difference.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28No member of our family, adopted or otherwise,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30has ever lived in a stable.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33A stable's good enough for Judith's...
0:03:33 > 0:03:37I don't care if Judith's family live in a reptile house!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39This is a barn!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41And in it, Marjorie, you are staying.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47Hey, don't worry about your mother. I'll win her round.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51You go out and have a good time. I'll take care of your mum.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56But not a word to your brothers and sisters,
0:03:56 > 0:04:01and don't be out late, or both your mum and I will be after you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09Oi, oi. Here, Marge, where are you off to in such a hurry?
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Golly, you frightened me! I'm going into town.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- There's a street party tonight, apparently.- Going out? Ooh!
0:04:17 > 0:04:23Right, excellent! Any chance of you staying out, you know, for good?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27For good? I was only going for a few hours.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Well, if you WERE thinking of going out forever,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32you'd let us know, right?
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Cos then, maybe we could borrow your room for a bit.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Isn't this room a bit big for one rat?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Well, the wife and kids would move in, too.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43You've got kids?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Just the 2,053.
0:04:45 > 0:04:472,054 tomorrow, of course.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Right. I had no idea there were so many of you.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56Why don't we look after the place while you're gone?
0:04:56 > 0:05:00We'll keep it spick and span, clean as a whistle. Promise.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- And when you get back... - If you get back...
0:05:03 > 0:05:08You'll never know any of us have ever been here.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Have we got a deal, Marjorie?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Well, I will be back later,
0:05:12 > 0:05:16and you can't tell anyone I've gone. I promised my dad.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Oh, for you and your dad, anything.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23OK. Don't forget, if any of the young ones ask you where I've gone,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26you keep hush-hush, right?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Or my mum and dad will get in a right flap.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Right. We won't tell a soul. Scout's honour.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37SHOUTING
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Oh, my...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47..giddy aunt!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49What on Earth? Hang on a minute.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53No, no, no. The answer is no.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- But I'm coming dancing with you. - Dancing?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Yeah, you know, partying,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01hanging out with all the cool people.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Right, and who told YOU I was going dancing?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Well, the rats just told me.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Although, they said I wasn't to tell a soul.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- Scout's honour, apparently. - Of course.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Do Mum and Dad know you're here?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Yeah. Mum got a bit cross,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20but Dad said you needed looking after, so here I am.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- But I'm an almost fully-grown cow! - Exactly!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Look, I'm coming with you, and that's that.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Nothing ever happens in this town, or this stable.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34You said so yourself. It's the party of a lifetime, Marge.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37And with me here, you've got your very own
0:06:37 > 0:06:41bodyguard-come-party guide to look after you.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:06:44 > 0:06:46OK. Let's get one thing straight.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- I- will be the one doing the guiding tonight.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Yeah, of course. Absolutely.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56I decide where we go and who we talk to. Get it?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Got it.- Good.- Taxi! - Hang on a moment.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Where are we going?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Town centre. That must be where the party's at.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10Everyone will aim for the middle of town, then... You know...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Right, of course. To the town centre!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18We don't seem to be moving.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22There's a traffic jam.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Come on, let's go and find out what it is.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Maybe some celebrity's appeared and stopped the traffic.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32But this is Bethlehem, Brian!
0:07:32 > 0:07:36- No-one famous ever comes to Bethlehem.- Come on!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Excuse me. Yeah. Thanks a bunch.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Yeah. Yeah.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Large lady cow coming through!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Sheep! - HE SIGHS
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- Let's introduce ourselves. - Are you kidding? They're sheep!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Hello, I'm Marjorie.- And I'm Brian.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57BOTH: Welcome to Bethlehem.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Smile, Dave, and back away slowly.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03SLOWLY: Have you travelled far?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05SLOWLY: Rome? Alexandria?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Milton Keynes?!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11No, just a few miles outside the town walls.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14But you've come for the census? To be counted?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16No! We came cos we were told to.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18By a letter in the post?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21No, it was a most peculiar occurrence.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23On a cold night in the middle of last week,
0:08:23 > 0:08:27there was a low-lying mist and all was calm.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29We were up on these hills, see?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32MUSIC BEATS THUMP
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Right, ladies. That's it! I'm not going to ask again.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Who's listening to music?! - SHEEP SNORE
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Cos I'm sure I can hear it.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Umsk, umsk, umsk! It's stopping me going to sleep.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- THEY LAUGH - This is not a laughing matter,
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and we've got a hard day's grazing tomorrow.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- MUSIC STOPS - OK, that's more like it.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59No more music. Not even if you're wearing headphones!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Complete silence!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Thank you.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- TWINKLING NOISE - Right, that's it!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12When I find out which one of you is...
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Hang on, Lance. Take a look at this.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I knew I could hear music!
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Angels! A host of them. Oh, it's so beautiful.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- What are they singing about? - Stop bleating, and we'll hear!
0:09:29 > 0:09:30ALL: Oh!
0:09:30 > 0:09:34I think, ladies, that's what's commonly called a visitation.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37And to think it happened up here, on a hill,
0:09:37 > 0:09:41in front of a herd of sheep and a couple of dozy shepherds.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Watch out, here they come. Sleep, everyone!
0:09:48 > 0:09:50And that was that.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54We all marched down the hill, and ended up here. Gridlock City.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55How amazing!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Did you catch what the angels were singing about?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Dave said he heard something about a new king being born.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Oh, that's more like it! I love a new baby, me.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Especially for the royals.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10And did the shepherds say anything?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12No, a bit dopey, them two.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14It's this way up, look.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16They said something about a star.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I think that's what they were following.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22A pop star! There ARE famous people here!
0:10:22 > 0:10:26They'll all be partying too. Come on, before we miss them!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28A twinkling kind of star?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30It was definitely up there earlier.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Marjorie! Oi, Marge! >
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Over here! Coo-ee! >
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Hey, Marge, isn't that your donkey friend from number 75?
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Judith? Where?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Marge, it IS you! Mum said you wouldn't be allowed out.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- She said...- Judith, what ARE you wearing?- Shush!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- We're in disguise.- We?!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Yeah, me and this lot. - ALL: Evening.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58These are my cousins, Benjamin and Lionel
0:10:58 > 0:11:01and this is my half cousin, Colin.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- Colin?- What's with the sunglasses?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- I mean, who wears sunglasses after dark?- Shh!
0:11:06 > 0:11:10We're in disguise cos we're not supposed to be out here.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- My uncle's come from... - Nazareth. Yeah, we heard.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17If he sees any of us out here, then the whole world knows,
0:11:17 > 0:11:20and then Mum finds out Dad knew all along
0:11:20 > 0:11:25and bang goes the chance of us ever getting to this party thing.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- So there'll definitely be a party? - Shush!
0:11:28 > 0:11:32It's a big place, Bethlehem, and with all this clobber on,
0:11:32 > 0:11:35what's the likelihood of us being spotted, eh?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Judith! Is that you, Judith?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Oh, my good Lord! Mercy me! It's Judith!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43My own family! It's been so long!
0:11:43 > 0:11:48I've travelled so many miles! Months and months, we've walked!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50You've come from Nazareth.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Well, just outside the new ring road...
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Do you remember Benjamin and Lionel?
0:11:55 > 0:11:59How could I possibly forget? Benny boy!
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- It's Lionel!- Oh, yeah, Lionel.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03And, of course, Colin.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07And my friend, Marjorie, from three doors down.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- Everyone calls me Marge. - And her sister...- Brother!
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Have you come for the Roman census?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16The census! The bane of our lives, Marjorie!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19And it's been made worse, with the baby...
0:12:19 > 0:12:21You're having a baby and all?
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Everyone's having babies! Even the royals.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- Not me! My passenger. - Uncle Ted's in the transport game.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Works for a carpenter.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Yeah, ferrying all his gear about, and his family.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Oh, it's a hard life!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38You were saying...?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Oh, yes, my passenger.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43The boss's wife, Mary. Lovely lady.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Ready to have a baby at any moment.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49A baby?! And she still travelled? I'd have stayed put.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Yeah, but this baby's special.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55It was if it had to be born in Bethlehem,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57like it was its...destiny.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- HE CHUCKLES - Let me explain...
0:13:00 > 0:13:04It was the most extraordinary afternoon a few months back...
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Ted, are you on call tonight? - No, I'm done for the day.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Just had to go to the store to get some new kitchen units.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Notice you got clipped on the rear side.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Yeah, a caravan coming from Galilee rammed me up the...
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Oh! Here, is that the boss's wife?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Sounds like she's in some distress.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Who's he?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Never seen him in my life before.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32He's got wings!
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Maybe he's an angel. They're all over the papers at the moment.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Sightings left, right and centre. - Look out, it's the gaffer!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Phew!- That flying bloke disappeared sharpish.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49- What did he want? - Looked like he had some news.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Mary looked well chuffed. - Shush, I can't hear!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I'm missing the best bit.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Did we miss something? What did we miss?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00It's Mary.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03She's going to have...a baby!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09What happened next?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Well, it was going swimmingly for a few months,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14until this census nonsense came along.
0:14:14 > 0:14:20Then it's, "Get your bags packed, we're getting on the donkey."
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- And here we are.- Here we are?
0:14:22 > 0:14:23I beg your pardon?
0:14:23 > 0:14:27You said, "Here WE are." Where's the rest of your gang?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Well, they're trying to find the hotel.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32They did try to book ahead,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35but it's worse than Jerusalem with a conference in town.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38How many hotels have you tried?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40All of them! Hotels, motels,
0:14:40 > 0:14:42boarding houses, guesthouses, B&B's,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45every single one packed to the rafters!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Have you tried the one on King David Street?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51It's next door to Marge's house.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Oh, I don't believe we have.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Not sure it's what you want. It's a bit poky,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59and the drains smell terrible.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01The hotelier's a lovely bloke.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04If he's full, he'll find you somewhere else.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08He lets us rent his stable for some eggs and a bucket of milk.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11It's a barn, really. It's even got a manger.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Whatever it is, it sounds promising.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17I'll just see if I can catch their attention.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Right, we've got to get back
0:15:20 > 0:15:22before he lets the cat out of the bag.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Oh!- But what about the party?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27What party? Where is the party?
0:15:27 > 0:15:32Could someone please tell me where the party is before we miss it?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35There's probably pop stars, angels...
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Watch out, here they come! Scarper!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Come on!
0:15:40 > 0:15:42BRIAN BABBLES
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Romans!
0:15:46 > 0:15:47THEY SCREAM
0:15:49 > 0:15:52That was close. I wonder who they were after?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- That could have turned nasty. - Could have?!
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Eh?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Put you here.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Oh, crikey, who are you lot?- Lot?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Lot? We are not a lot.
0:16:06 > 0:16:12A lot is what you might call a herd of common one-humped camels.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17- We, you might have noticed, have two.- Am I missing something?
0:16:17 > 0:16:21One hump, two humps. Do you see?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24One hump, two humps.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Oh, right, camels! I know a joke about camels, you'll love this.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31What do you call a camel with three humps?
0:16:31 > 0:16:36CAMELS: We don't know, what do you call a camel with three humps?
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Hump-three. Humphrey. Do you get it?
0:16:40 > 0:16:45- Ha, ha, ha!- So, have you come for the Roman census?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- Romans? Did you say Romans? Where? - They are coming to get us.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- King Herod and his band of nasties. - We're all doomed, I tell you!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- Doomed!- I'm guessing you're from out of town, then.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58We have come from the East.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01We have been crossing the desert for many months.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05And what's with all this fancy make-up and stuff?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- We are astrologers.- Golly!
0:17:08 > 0:17:13It's fashionable for astrologers to wear eye-liner where you come from?
0:17:13 > 0:17:18Well, we are wise astrologers.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Royal wise astrologers. - That explains it.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Well, we're not actually astrologers as such.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30But we are wise, definitely wise.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33The astrologers are the blokes who have been riding us.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35BOTH: OK.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37They're kings, astrology kings,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40three of them. They just dashed in for something to eat.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44So, these three astrologists kings then...
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Wise astrologer kings, yep.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50They've come for the census, have they? To be counted.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- Well, not as such, no. - CAMELS: They've come for the star.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00- Goodness, the food must be amazing. - No, the star. In the sky.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04We've been following it all the way here to Bethlehem.
0:18:04 > 0:18:10It started a month or two back, in the Eastern deserts.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14So, how much longer do you think they're going to be?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Uh! Astrology is an art, Howard,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- it's not something you can do in a matter of minutes.- Whatever.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Cos I'm properly parched, I need a drink!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25It's like both humps have run totally dry.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Look, as I have said, as soon as we get back to town,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31we'll stop at the watering hole and fill up.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34But I haven't got any money or anything.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36They're kings, Jeffrey, relax.
0:18:36 > 0:18:42- Strictly speaking, mine is actually a magi rather than a king.- What?
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Mine's a magi, which means you've been keen on the whole
0:18:46 > 0:18:49dressing up box and star gazing is a bit of a hobby.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- They're not actually kings, then? - No, they are.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54My one is called Balthazar.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58You got to be a king with a flouncy name like that, surely.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Look, all I want to know is, when can we get a drink?
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Hang about, Howard, I think they've spotted something.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Now, that is what I call a star.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- It is magnificent! - Do you think it means something?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15It means our refreshments just got a step closer!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18They're packing up! On your feet, boys!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20So, did the star mean anything?
0:19:20 > 0:19:25- The birth of a new king, apparently.- Another one?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28This is turning out to be a very regal occasion.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31And all that from a single, twinkling star.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34They did say those astrology blokes were wise.
0:19:34 > 0:19:41- And seriously loaded, too.- Loaded? Rich, beyond your wildest dreams.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- So, they got you that drink? - Nope, not yet.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47But we had to stop at the market on the way here to get some presents
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- for the baby. - Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56- Wow! They must be rich.- What's myrrh?
0:19:56 > 0:20:01A type of tree resin used mainly in the making of perfume.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I'd stick with gold and frankincense, myself.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08And this new king, he's been born here in Bethlehem?
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- This very night.- I knew it!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Didn't I say tonight was special, Brian?
0:20:13 > 0:20:16No, you didn't, I did.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20But the Romans must be delighted, clashing with the census and all.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23- Romans?- Eh?- Where? Do you see them? - Oh!- We're doomed!
0:20:23 > 0:20:25So it was you they were chasing!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29They came for the three astrology magis with us,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31sent by the horrid King Herod.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36- He wanted to know more about the new king.- The King of the Jews.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41But our kings were having their supper, see? And we kept it zipped.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Which narked King Herod.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47As without our three wise kings, there's no way this Herod king
0:20:47 > 0:20:50could find the Jewish king, who's only just been born.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Luckily, we escaped.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Oh!- Uh! I've just about had enough of all this.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Call me a party-pooper, but I can't see a bright star over Bethlehem.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I can't see no three wise astrology magi blokes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06And there's way too many kings for my liking.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09So, as much as I have enjoyed this charming romp,
0:21:09 > 0:21:15how do we know you're not just a bunch of giant...fibbers?!
0:21:15 > 0:21:19CAMELS: Fibbers? He's calling us a bunch of fibbers?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Oh!- How dare you, sir! I am an honourable animal.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25We are, we are immensely honourable.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Come on, gents, let's show this party-pooper the star.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Yeah, party-pooper!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33If you just come back a bit farther,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36you'll be able to see it over these rooftops.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Just about...- Neigh!- There they are!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41CAMELS: Romans! ROMANS: Camels!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Horses!
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- ALL: Aaaah! - Huh?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02ALL: Aaaah!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Right, Brian, in here.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08What? Eh...? Ah!
0:22:08 > 0:22:12You! In the name of King Herod,
0:22:12 > 0:22:16come out of the shadows and present yourself.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Ah-ha-ha!
0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Right, what's your name, woman? - Marjorie, sir.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I am but a helpless old washerwoman,
0:22:26 > 0:22:31washing clothes in the street...without any water.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Drycleaners, that's what we are. Dry...cleaners.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39Right. Have you seen three Bactrian camels come down this street?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43They may have been travelling with a large cow wearing heels
0:22:43 > 0:22:47and a malnourished lady chicken in a cheep sparkly all-in-one number.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Bactrian camels, you say?
0:22:49 > 0:22:54Yes, madam, two humps instead of the usual one.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Yeah, have I told you that camel with three humps joke?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Yeah, his name's Humphrey. Can we get on with this?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03We saw them only moments ago, didn't we, Brian?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05BOTH: They went...that way.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Oh, no, it was that way, definitely that way.
0:23:09 > 0:23:15Excellent! Thank you, ladies. Right, after those camels!
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Flippin' hate horses, me.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21This King Herod fellow, bit of a spoilsport.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25And his knees-up of a lifetime census thingamy is slightly
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- over rated so far.- That's how tonight'll go down in history,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31not the most important date for 1,000 years...
0:23:31 > 0:23:34But a colossal damp squib.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Hm...
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Well, you can sit here and mope,
0:23:39 > 0:23:42but I'm going to at least find out where on earth we...
0:23:42 > 0:23:45are!
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Brian! Brian, are you all right?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53I don't believe it! Marge, you need to get up here quick!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I'm a cow, Brian, hooves and roofs don't mix.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00No, really, Marge, you're definitely going to want to see this.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Right, come on!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Where are we going, Brian, what did you see?
0:24:05 > 0:24:10- Brace yourself, Marge, this is going to be big.- Oh, it better be, Brian.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13It's a star!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Oh!
0:24:15 > 0:24:21So, those camels, the kings, the whole star-following thing,
0:24:21 > 0:24:26it was all true. And we called them a bunch of fibbers, eh?
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Lucky we won't be seeing them again.
0:24:28 > 0:24:35- Not unless you visit your bedroom any time soon.- Oh! That's our house.
0:24:35 > 0:24:40They're having a party at our house! The party, Brian, THE party!
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Mum and Dad most have known all along. Of all the rotten things!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47BOTH: Mrs Daniels?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Well, hello, Marjorie, Brian.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Having a nice evening, are we?
0:24:53 > 0:24:57You haven't by any chance seen my daughter on your travels?
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- Eh...- Have we seen...?
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- No, no! No, of course not. - Is she in trouble?
0:25:05 > 0:25:09No, Marjorie, she's not in trouble,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12but if she doesn't get here soon, she will be.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16She will miss the best night in history!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18BOTH: I beg your pardon?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22It's everything I said it would be, Marjorie!
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Family and singing...and a baby!
0:25:26 > 0:25:32It's the party of a life time! Everything's wonderful!
0:25:32 > 0:25:36See that? This whole star thing has gone a bit to her head.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38She was right about that baby, though.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43Everyone's cooing over the baby. He's got his own halo and everything.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46His name is Jesus, Jesus Christ.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47BOTH: Oh!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49That's, uh...a lovely name.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53You don't think they thought I meant this was the hotel, do you?
0:25:53 > 0:25:57What, and our front room was the presidential suite?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01- Nah! The hotel was probably full. - Well, I bet the innkeeper has told
0:26:01 > 0:26:03them they can keep here with us.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I'll be having stern words with him later, Marge, stern words.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Come on, let's go and tell them to hop it.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Hang about, Brian, I think maybe it's best
0:26:11 > 0:26:14we stick out here with everyone else.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17But we've got to eat out of that manger later.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20No, no, I think we've been spotted.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Ah-ha!
0:26:22 > 0:26:27- Oh. Yeah, you're right. - Still, we made it.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32Yeah, and everyone's here - royalty, pop stars, the new baby.
0:26:32 > 0:26:37Yep, the party of the millennium in our barn.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39And to think we almost missed it.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Hang about, Brian.
0:26:41 > 0:26:46Oh, eh, Marge, you can keep your blooming bedroom, thanks.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Oh, right. Problem was there?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Let's just say it got rather squashed when a party
0:26:51 > 0:26:56of two-humped camels turned up...AND their three wise friends!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Wise? Do me a favour, they bring gold, frankincense
0:26:59 > 0:27:01and myrrh for a first child?
0:27:01 > 0:27:05I'll have child 2,054 and they don't even get me a card!
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Well, nice to see at least one family is cheerful
0:27:08 > 0:27:10at this time of year.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Yes, miracles do happen, you know, Ratty?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Miracles do happen.
0:27:17 > 0:27:22# Once in royal David's city
0:27:22 > 0:27:28# Stood a lowly cattle shed
0:27:28 > 0:27:33# Where a mother laid her baby
0:27:33 > 0:27:38# In a manger for his bed
0:27:38 > 0:27:44# Mary was that mother mild
0:27:44 > 0:27:52# Jesus Christ, her little child. #
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd