0:00:11 > 0:00:12Hey, Julie?
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Oh, hey.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Happy Christmas, Len.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Oh.
0:00:18 > 0:00:21I'm sorry, we couldn't afford Christmas cards this year.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Oh, thanks, love.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27- At least we get our bonus today. - Ooh!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:00:34 > 0:00:37The Dry White Toilet Tissue Company
0:00:37 > 0:00:40want to say thank you for all your hard work this year.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43So, as a token of our appreciation,
0:00:43 > 0:00:48we'd like to give you a dozen of our finest bog rolls.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Merry Christmas.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I can't even afford to buy a present for my son.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Do you want them or not?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Merry Christmas.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Merry Christmas.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Merry Christmas.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, keep your chin up, Len.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Things will get better.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Well, they can't get any worse.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25THEY LAUGH
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Erm...
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Happy Christmas.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35And to you.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Ooh.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Hiya.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Christmas might not be that fancy schmancy this year, son.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Don't worry, Dad. Come on. I'll put the kettle on.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- See you later, boys. - See you, lads.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Oh!
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Thanks, Joe.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It's last year's.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13I got it for a pound.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16- Sorry, Dad.- Don't be.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Hey, I love it.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Here...
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Happy Christmas, Joe.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Thanks.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34I made it for you.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Yeah, I can see.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Best put Christmas dinner on.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01HE SOBS
0:04:06 > 0:04:10I'll get you a proper present next year, Joe, I promise.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15I don't know where I'll find the money from but I promise.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Dry on one side...
0:04:43 > 0:04:45..moist on the other.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Absorbent
0:04:49 > 0:04:51and refreshing.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Oh, that's it.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57That's it.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59This is the future of bum wiping.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I've invented a new bog roll!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- What?- Yes!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Moist on one side,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12dry on the other.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13That's brilliant, Dad.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I know! Your dad's a genius.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18All I need now is to come up with a name for it.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Er...
0:05:20 > 0:05:21..Wet Bottom?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25No.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Happy Cheeks?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Bumfresh?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Bumfresh! I love it.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38This is going to be the biggest thing to hit the toilet roll world
0:05:38 > 0:05:39since aloe vera!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Don't worry, son,
0:05:43 > 0:05:46next year we'll have a proper Christmas.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Next year, things will be different.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55'In what can only be described as an overnight sensation,'
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Bumfresh has outperformed all other competitors.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59They're calling it the biggest British invasion
0:05:59 > 0:06:00since One Direction.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Bumfresh... SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- Bumfresh... - SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
0:06:16 > 0:06:20We've got cooks, gamekeeper, gardener, maids, groom -
0:06:20 > 0:06:22in case we get an horse, to name but a few.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Now, I've not got us any old butler, I've got us a celebrity
0:06:26 > 0:06:29and I know how much you love Harry Potter, so guess who I've hired?
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- Harry?- No.- Dumbledore?- No. - Voldemort?- Oh, no.- Draco?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Can I stop you there? There's lots of characters in them films,
0:06:36 > 0:06:39so I've made Warwick Davis an offer his bank manager couldn't refuse.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Brilliant!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Excuse me, excuse me.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Oh, hello.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50You were Filius Flitwick and Griphook.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52I was also an ewok in Star Wars.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Let's just keep it to Harry Potter, shall we?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I've got you every video game you've ever wanted.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02100 pair of trainers, your own go-kart track,
0:07:02 > 0:07:07a 24-hour doughnut dispenser, table football.
0:07:07 > 0:07:13- What's that?- That's a water slide into the swimming pool.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Wow!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Hang on, you might want to put your...
0:07:24 > 0:07:26..trunks on first.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Woohoo!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Good day at school, Master Spud?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53It was awful.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Your father won't be happy. St Cuthbert's is the most expensive school in the country.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I just don't fit in there.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Why not?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04They look down on me, they call me names.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Do they? Like what?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Bottom Billionaire,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Master Plop Paper,
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Bum Wipe Boy...
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Well, children can be cruel.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16That were the teachers.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21'I wish I could just go to a normal school.'
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Leave it with me, young Master Spud.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31Oh, and I believe congratulations are in order. Happy birthday.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32I'm glad someone remembered.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Hi, Dad.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Hello, son.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Have you forgotten something?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59No. I still remember we're rich.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Dad, it's my birthday today.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13Yes! Yes, I knew that, that is why I was going to surprise you.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Happy birthday, son.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24One million pounds?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Yeah. That way you can buy yourself whatever you like.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30There's nothing left to buy.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Ah, but if I know you, you'll think of something.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Are we doing anything special tonight?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Why?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41For my birthday.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Oh, I'd love to but I've got an appointment.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Really?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Well, actually it's a date.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50A date date? With a lady?
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Yes, yes, with a lady. A very beautiful lady.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Sapphire Diamond and...
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Ooh, she'll be here in a minute.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59What does she do?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Oh, well, she's a model, of course.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04I only date models now
0:10:04 > 0:10:05and Sapphire's a supermodel.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Hey, do you want to see one of her adverts?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11DOORBELL RINGS
0:10:12 > 0:10:14'Bog Blitz kills all known germs dead
0:10:14 > 0:10:18'and leaves your toilet smelling strongly of bleach.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19'Bog Blitz.'
0:10:19 > 0:10:23You didn't even see her face.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29When I say supermodel, I mean hand model, SUPER hand model.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31You have to admit, they're absolutely knockout.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36A Miss Sapphire Diamond, sir.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Is he real?
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Yes.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Sapphire, my angel, how lovely to see you again.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51All right?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Urgh...right!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I see you got the designer bag I bought you.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Oh, yeah, yeah. Cheers, you know, and all that, that stuff.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Ken?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Len.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07I just seen that they do these in eight different colours,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09one for every day of the week.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12My sweet princess, I shall get you all the others.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- Oh, no, no, no! You mustn't. - OK, I won't, then.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17No, if you insist - yeah.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21What's that?
0:11:21 > 0:11:25Ah! This is my son.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Joe, he's 12 today.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Ooh! People will think I'm his sister.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Well, how old are you?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I'm 25.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Really?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Yeah, it says so on my Wikipedia page.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Remind me to have a Google.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45Yeah, I will.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48So where you taking us tonight, babes?
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Somewhere swish for a spot of dinner.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Do you like caviar?
0:11:55 > 0:11:56- SHE LAUGHS - No.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Then I thought we'd go for a little bop down the disco.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- SHE LAUGHS - No-one calls 'em discos any more.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08- What they called, then?- Nightclubs. Get with the beat, Grandad.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14All right, then, Den.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Len.- If you like.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Mm, help us up.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23HE GRUNTS
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Madam?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Oops. Er, may I trouble you to sign this, sir?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33- Er, what is it? - Oh, just some triviality concerning young Master Spud's schooling.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Thank you, sir.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Shall we take the car or the helicopter?
0:12:44 > 0:12:45I'm not sure about that Sapphire.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Oh, give it time.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Now, you might have to give it quite a lot of time
0:12:49 > 0:12:51but there is some good news.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Look!
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Your wish has come true, you are going to the local comp.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56You're the best!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58I know, but thank you.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04..43...
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Can we do this later?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Joe? What happened to your school uniform?
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I'm wearing it.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I mean, your Tudor one.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Oh, it's "wear what you like" day today.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28And you're going as...?
0:13:28 > 0:13:32A boy from local comp. Harrison Farquhar thought it'd be jokes.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Er, your parcel.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Oh! At last! This'll go with me new teeth.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Do you think it makes me look younger?
0:13:51 > 0:13:54It looks like a dead gerbil.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55HE SNIGGERS
0:13:55 > 0:13:57What do you think?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Er, do you want my honest opinion, sir?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Not really.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Then it's a thing of wonder.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Thanks!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Oh, now, you don't want to be late for school, Master Spud.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Come here, son!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Almost forgot.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20There's your lunch money.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- See you later, Dad. - See ya.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Oi, posho!
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Lend us a tenner.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41You may not wish them to know that you're a billionaire.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44You're right. Turn in here.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Do you have another bag?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Er...
0:15:01 > 0:15:05just this plastic one, cost me five pence, but you can have it.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Thanks.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Do you think things will be better at my new school?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12It will go wonderfully.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Yeah, my big chance.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19I'm going to make new friends, it's going to be great. Thanks for this.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Morning, Headmaster.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Yes, yes, good morning, now, please, leave me alone.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Sir? - No, no, don't hurt me.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- I wasn't going to. - Well, what is it?
0:15:43 > 0:15:47I'm just trying to get to my office, can I just get to my office, please?
0:15:47 > 0:15:51I just wondered whether I could come and see you later about something.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I'd really rather you didn't. Thank you so much.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Did you see that Rolls?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- Yeah.- There was a chauffeur and everything.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59I know.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I wonder what spoilt brat were in the back.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03THEY LAUGH
0:16:06 > 0:16:07You're new.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09That's right, I'm Joe.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14I've just moved into the area, into an average-sized house.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19I'm Gail Grubb, and this is my twin brother, George Grubb.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22In case you're wondering, we're the school bullies.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23As it's your first day,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26we'll be putting you in the bin to start with.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- What?! - If you have any complaints, you can write to our mum at this address.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Why do you have to bully me?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35We're not really good at anything else.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38But we're VERY good at this.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Now, come on, let's get this over and done with.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Hello?
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Hello? Can anybody hear me?
0:16:53 > 0:16:54KNOCKING
0:16:54 > 0:16:55I'm in this bin.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59KNOCKING
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Can anyone...
0:17:04 > 0:17:06What on earth are you doing in there?
0:17:08 > 0:17:09I fell.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- HUM OF CHATTER - Um!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- CHATTER STOPS - Thank you.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19This is Joseph Spud,
0:17:19 > 0:17:23he's new and this is the last time he'll ever be late for registration.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26It doesn't need discussion.
0:17:28 > 0:17:34Now, we're going to start the day with a little La Boheme by Puccini.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Not opera again, miss.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Listening to classical music is good for the brain, Gavin,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42which in your case needs all the help it can get.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44LAUGHTER
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Why you still standing, Spud? Sit, sit, sit!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Grubbs put you in the bin, did they?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Upside down or the right way up?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16(Right way up.)
0:18:16 > 0:18:17They must've liked you.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20- I'm Bob.- Joe.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Silence!
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Now, Madeline has got another one of her charity appeals,
0:18:26 > 0:18:28what is it this time, Madeline?
0:18:28 > 0:18:33Save the jellyfish? Hearing aids for dogs?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Equal rights for hamsters?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I'm raising money to build a school in Africa, miss.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Oh.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Lots of kids there never get the chance to go to school.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Lucky them. LAUGHTER
0:18:44 > 0:18:46It doesn't need discussion.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48So, please, give what you can.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54I'm not giving anything.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Me dad says they'll just spend it on scratchcards.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Do you organise all of this?
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Yeah, on my own.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07How much does it cost to build a school in Africa, then?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09About £100,000.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10That's not much.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Shame, I'm skint.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Give it here.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Well, that was another waste of time, wasn't it, young lady?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Barely enough to buy a pencil sharpener.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:19:43 > 0:19:44How do I look?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47There are no words.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50DOORBELL RINGS
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Your lunch guest, sir.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Cocktails?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06What's that thing on your head?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Do you not like it, my sweet?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Is that for me?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Yes.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- Oh, then, I love it.- Thanks.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15There you go, then.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16No, no, no, I can't accept that.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Well, if you'd rather not.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19No, if yous insist.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Real diamonds?
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Of course.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Oh, thanks, Ben.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30It's Len.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Is it? Oh, these are...beautiful!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Oh, come here.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Is there a gift receipt?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Yes, it's, er, it's in the bag.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Yeah, you know, just in case they don't fit, like.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47They're earrings.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50I know, but I've got very small ears.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53So, with this gift receipt, will they give us
0:20:53 > 0:20:56the cash or will I have to buy something else from the same shop?
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Either.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02Great. Right, what's for lunch, cos I can't stay long?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05The finest fine de claire oysters, madam.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Oh, just get us a bag of crisps.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Yeah, me an' all.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16I'll ask Chef to prepare a multipack.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22It's best to stick to the basics.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25That's Mrs Trafe, worst cook in the world.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27And any parallel worlds.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Hello, boys, do you want to know about me specials today?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Not really.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35For starter, I done me chilled pilchard soup, the pie today
0:21:35 > 0:21:41is kidney and custard, and for pud, I done me raw onion mousse.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46No, thanks.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Spam smoothie?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Just an apple, please, Mrs Trafe.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Same here, Mrs Trafe.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Oh, suit yourself.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57She can't ruin those.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07There you are, two nice, fresh, juicy apples.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20How are your crisps?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Oh...a bit dry.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Would you like some champagne to wash them down with?
0:22:31 > 0:22:32No.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37But I'll take a bottle home with us, though.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45So, er...
0:22:46 > 0:22:49..how much is a gaffe like this worth, then?
0:22:49 > 0:22:5120 million.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57How much is a half of that?
0:22:59 > 0:23:0110 million.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Interesting.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09You should've started here tomorrow.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Why?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14It's cross-country run today. Three miles of hell.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15I hope you're sporty.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18No, I hate sport, I'm rubbish at it.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Me too, I come last every year.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23It's horrible,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26all the other kids wait at the finish line to laugh at you.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Oh, no.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33How's the modelling going?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Oh, yeah, it's busy, busy, busy.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Mm, these bad boys have been really in demand lately.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40I'll bet.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45Yeah, I've been on the go all week, shooting my commercials.
0:23:45 > 0:23:51I've held a Cornish pasty, a hearing aid and some athlete foot powder.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Were your feet in the athlete's foot advert?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59No, they said my feet were too manky.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Glamorous work, though.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Oh, yeah.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I tell you what, though, Gwen.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11(Len.)
0:24:11 > 0:24:15I would consider giving up my glittering international career
0:24:15 > 0:24:18if the right bloke came along...
0:24:18 > 0:24:19like.
0:24:39 > 0:24:45Bob? What if I gave you a fiver to come last?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- No way.- A tenner?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- Nah.- 20?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53- There's nothing you can say... - 50 quid.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56You ain't got 50 quid.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24You can do it, Bob!
0:25:26 > 0:25:27THEY CHEER
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Last again, boy.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Sorry, sir.
0:25:34 > 0:25:39Don't worry, we can do extra training, every morning,
0:25:39 > 0:25:40before school.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Thanks.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Look, Joe, I feel bad, I can't keep your birthday money.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01No, really, you earned it.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04I can't take it. What does your dad do?
0:26:06 > 0:26:07He works in toilet paper.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Then he must've saved for ages to give you that.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Here, take it.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18My mum used to work in a toilet paper factory but she was laid off.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21What does she do now?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Cleaner and about six other jobs to try and make ends meet.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Then you keep it.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28I can't.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31But there is one thing you could get me, for coming last for ya.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Anything.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Some chocolate, I love chocolate.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Me too.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Come on.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Maybe not here.
0:26:45 > 0:26:46SHOP BELL JANGLES
0:26:46 > 0:26:50A-ha, my very most valued customer.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55And welcome...other child.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Hi.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Hi.
0:26:58 > 0:27:03Hello, Raj, if your name is Raj, because I don't know you, do I?
0:27:03 > 0:27:08From my luxury selection, a Double Double Decker, Minted Aero,
0:27:08 > 0:27:12or, or, or an Income Boost.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14No, thank you.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Oh...
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I don't want my new friend to know that I'm rich,
0:27:18 > 0:27:19it'll ruin everything.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Ah, I get the picture.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Is this OK?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Sure, just this please, sir.
0:27:35 > 0:27:39No problem, boys, just two ordinary boys,
0:27:39 > 0:27:41neither of who is a billionaire.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45CASH TILL RINGS
0:27:48 > 0:27:52By the way, I love the brand-new Bumfresh minty flavour,
0:27:52 > 0:27:56it's cool and refreshing on my bottom. I just wipe and go.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Why is he talking about his bum?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02No idea. Just smile and wave.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06MUSIC: You're My Best Friend by Queen
0:28:11 > 0:28:14# Ooh, you make me live
0:28:15 > 0:28:17# Whatever this world can give to me... #
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- BAGS POP - Ah!
0:28:19 > 0:28:22# It's you, you're all I see
0:28:24 > 0:28:27# Ooh, you make me live now, honey
0:28:27 > 0:28:30# Ooh, you make me live
0:28:32 > 0:28:37# Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had
0:28:37 > 0:28:41# I've been with you such a long time
0:28:41 > 0:28:45# You're my sunshine and I want you to know
0:28:45 > 0:28:47# That my feelings are true
0:28:47 > 0:28:50# I really love you
0:28:50 > 0:28:53# Oh, you're my best friend
0:28:56 > 0:29:00# Ooh, you make me live
0:29:00 > 0:29:03# Ooh, I've been wandering round
0:29:03 > 0:29:07# But I still come back to you
0:29:19 > 0:29:23# Ooh, you make me live
0:29:23 > 0:29:26# Whenever this world is cruel to me
0:29:26 > 0:29:29# I got you to help me forgive... #
0:29:29 > 0:29:30HE SIGHS
0:29:32 > 0:29:34It's a shame Sapphire had to go.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37Well, such is the life of a supermodel.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40Those pork pies won't sell themselves.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42So, what do you think of her?
0:29:44 > 0:29:47Is it an honest answer you're looking for, sir?
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Again, not really, no.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Then, I think Miss Sapphire is an utter delight.
0:29:55 > 0:29:59Oh, do you know, I think I might propose to her.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04HE CLEARS THROAT
0:30:04 > 0:30:05I thought the day would never come.
0:30:21 > 0:30:25Look, Bob, there's something I should tell you.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28When I said my dad worked in toilet paper...
0:30:28 > 0:30:31Oi! Give us that chocolate.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33I've only got a tiny piece left.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39Bob, if you don't give us it, we're going to give you a bog wash.
0:30:39 > 0:30:45Actually, let's take the chocolate and still give 'em the bog wash.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47There's no point giving it to you, then.
0:30:51 > 0:30:52Run!
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Oh, no.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16You run that way, I'll run this way.
0:31:19 > 0:31:21Oh, er, hi, Mum.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Oh, hi, how's it going with your new friend?
0:31:23 > 0:31:25Yeah, good, thanks.
0:31:25 > 0:31:27- Invite him round for tea if you like.- Er, maybe!
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Got ya.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37Look, couldn't we do a deal?
0:31:40 > 0:31:42A deal?
0:31:42 > 0:31:44OPERA PLAYING
0:31:57 > 0:32:00Do you really like opera, then, miss?
0:32:00 > 0:32:01I love it, Izzy.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05My dream is to go and see one at the Royal Opera House one day.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Why don't you, then?
0:32:07 > 0:32:10On a teacher's measly salary? I hardly think so.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13Homework, please, Maddie?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23Sorry, miss, I left mine at home.
0:32:25 > 0:32:26I did it, I swear.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28- Litter duty. - But, miss, I'm not lying,
0:32:28 > 0:32:30I could get someone to bring it in.
0:32:32 > 0:32:36You've got one hour to get it to me. Now, medieval torture.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40(You'd know all about that.)
0:32:40 > 0:32:42Be relieved I didn't hear that, Joe.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:33:02 > 0:33:03Oh, no.
0:33:07 > 0:33:08Wait.
0:33:10 > 0:33:11What's going on?
0:33:14 > 0:33:15Er...
0:33:24 > 0:33:25WHIRRING
0:33:26 > 0:33:29Oh, no!
0:33:52 > 0:33:53That's crazy!
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Yeah.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07Hi, everybody, are you all right?
0:34:07 > 0:34:11My name is Len Spud and I am the Bumfresh billionaire.
0:34:13 > 0:34:17Right! Who wants free bog roll? New minty flavour!
0:34:17 > 0:34:20THEY CHEER
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Go on, you there?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Who's going to get lucky?
0:34:24 > 0:34:25Is it you? Here you go.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Please, Dad, no.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33That's your dad?
0:34:33 > 0:34:37Excuse me, excuse me. Ah, there you are.
0:34:39 > 0:34:40There is your homework.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48Now, my son is a bit short on friends,
0:34:48 > 0:34:53so you're all more than welcome to come over to the mansion any time!
0:34:54 > 0:34:56- Dad!- Oh.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01Your lunch money. I'll pick you up at four.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02I'll walk.
0:35:04 > 0:35:10Bye, everybody! And don't forget, wipe and go with Bumfresh.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12See ya!
0:35:30 > 0:35:33You're five seconds late. Litter duty.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36You must be kidding me.
0:35:36 > 0:35:37A week's litter duty.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39That's not fair.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41One month's litter duty.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Or do you want me to treat you differently
0:35:45 > 0:35:47because your father's a billionaire?
0:35:47 > 0:35:49No, I don't want that.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Well, then, you'd better get started -
0:35:51 > 0:35:54that helicopter of his has made a frightful mess.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06EXCITED CHATTER
0:36:10 > 0:36:13Billionaire Boy, my bike's broke, will you buy me a new one?
0:36:13 > 0:36:15Could you buy my nan a bungalow, in Florida?
0:36:15 > 0:36:17Hit me, then I can sue you for a million.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19Hit me and I'll settle for half a million.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Buy me a packet of crisps.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Leave him alone!
0:36:24 > 0:36:27You should be ashamed of yourselves, shoo, shoo!
0:36:29 > 0:36:31Oh, you poor thing.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Well, not poor, but you get my gist.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Yeah, get out of it.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42I mean, just because your dad is obscenely rich, you don't want
0:36:42 > 0:36:43people begging.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47Here, have a toffee Brussels sprout.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50Thanks, but no, thanks.
0:36:52 > 0:36:57Now, Joe, I want you to know, whatever happens,
0:36:57 > 0:37:00I'm always here for you, all right?
0:37:00 > 0:37:02Thanks.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05Now, I just need 30 grand for my hip operation.
0:37:06 > 0:37:07HE SIGHS
0:37:11 > 0:37:13You missed a bit.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Why did you lie to me?
0:37:16 > 0:37:19I dunno, I thought you'd treat me differently.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24The Grubbs just asked me if I wanted to go round to theirs after
0:37:24 > 0:37:29school to play Hungry Hippos. Did you pay them to be friends with me?
0:37:29 > 0:37:31I was just trying to help.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33A real friend wouldn't lie to me.
0:37:33 > 0:37:34I'm sorry.
0:37:37 > 0:37:38You missed another bit.
0:37:43 > 0:37:44Litter duty?!
0:37:44 > 0:37:47I did not singlehandedly revolutionise the toilet paper world
0:37:47 > 0:37:50to have my son do litter duty.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54It's me teacher, Miss Sharpe, she's really horrible.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58Could you have her killed?
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Bit much, that.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02- Oh. - I'll sort it out.
0:38:02 > 0:38:06Please don't embarrass me like you did today with your stupid helicopter.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Don't worry, I'll think of something.
0:38:08 > 0:38:14So, anyways, it's my birthday in just under a year, Sven.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17- Len.- Whatevs!
0:38:17 > 0:38:20As the young people say... because I'm 25.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23And before you say another word, I do not need a present.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25- No?- I forbid it.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27- I must.- You must not.
0:38:27 > 0:38:28- I want to.- No, non, nein.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30OK, then.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32I've made a little list.
0:38:36 > 0:38:37Thank you.
0:38:42 > 0:38:43"Designer gear.
0:38:45 > 0:38:49"A massive, like, really big yacht.
0:38:49 > 0:38:54"A holiday home in Marbs with its own..." Jack, jacksie?
0:38:54 > 0:38:59No, Jacuzzi, oh, just, just give it here, give it here.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05Right, a bucket of diamonds, some money, a Bentley Controversial.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07I think you mean a Bentley convertible.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11It's the same thing. A tiara, some more money
0:39:11 > 0:39:13and a 12-pack of Faberge eggs.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Anything for you, my little bird of paradise.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21Dad, you're not really going to buy her all that stuff, are you?
0:39:21 > 0:39:22Whyever not, son?
0:39:22 > 0:39:24Yeah, why not, brat?
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Because it's obvious you only like my dad for his money.
0:39:27 > 0:39:28Oh!
0:39:30 > 0:39:33How dare you?!
0:39:37 > 0:39:40Go to your rooms.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46SAPPHIRE SOBS AND STUTTERS
0:39:48 > 0:39:52I'm so sorry, Sapphire, I just don't know what to do with him.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56Orphanage?
0:40:10 > 0:40:12It's about my boy, Joe.
0:40:14 > 0:40:21Now, there is one tiny little thing that you could change to
0:40:21 > 0:40:23make him happier here at school.
0:40:24 > 0:40:28Well, I have to run the school for everyone, I can't give anyone
0:40:28 > 0:40:31special treatment, however immensely wealthy they might be.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47# I'm in love with my car... #
0:40:53 > 0:40:55GEARS CRUNCH
0:40:57 > 0:40:58TYRES SQUEAL
0:41:01 > 0:41:03GEARS CRUNCH
0:41:30 > 0:41:34How dare you sack me? I gave this school everything, everything!
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Just keep it down, Miss Sharpe.
0:41:36 > 0:41:39Ding dong, the witch is dead!
0:41:39 > 0:41:40THEY CHEER
0:41:43 > 0:41:46Miss Sharpe was a good teacher, she didn't deserve that.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47We've got to do something.
0:41:51 > 0:41:52Sacked, on the spot.
0:41:52 > 0:41:58Oh, poor old cow, she was a good teacher, firm but fair.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01And she loved her pupils more than they knew.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05Though, she was once very hurtful about my lamb trifle.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Mrs Trafe...?
0:42:11 > 0:42:12Yes?
0:42:12 > 0:42:14You look...different.
0:42:14 > 0:42:19Oh, thank you, I've just had my hair done.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21Did you get the hip replacement?
0:42:21 > 0:42:23The one I gave you all that money for?
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Can I interest you in today's special?
0:42:25 > 0:42:27Curried pigeon, pigeons are all free-range,
0:42:27 > 0:42:30I shoot them off the roof myself with my catapult.
0:42:30 > 0:42:32You spent it all on plastic surgery.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36I'll have the hip op next time, I promise.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40Now, I just need another 30 grand.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42Unbelievable.
0:42:46 > 0:42:47What's this?
0:42:47 > 0:42:50A petition, to get Miss Sharpe reinstated, sir.
0:42:54 > 0:42:55Two signatures?
0:42:55 > 0:42:57It's just me and Maddie so far.
0:42:58 > 0:43:02Please, sir, teaching's all she lived for.
0:43:02 > 0:43:03Um...
0:43:05 > 0:43:11..I'm sorry, Joe, no, no, I just can't do that, nope.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17CAR LOCK BLEEPS
0:43:17 > 0:43:19Is that yours, sir?
0:43:23 > 0:43:27Er... It might be, yes.
0:43:27 > 0:43:28Why?
0:43:28 > 0:43:32What's so unusual about me having a car that goes from 0 to 60
0:43:32 > 0:43:36in 2.9 seconds with a top speed of 204mph?
0:43:36 > 0:43:38It was my dad, wasn't it?
0:43:47 > 0:43:48Joe?
0:43:48 > 0:43:49Yeah.
0:43:51 > 0:43:54Not bought yourself a new friend yet, then?
0:43:54 > 0:43:55Ha-ha(!)
0:44:03 > 0:44:05I'm sorry we fell out.
0:44:05 > 0:44:06Yeah. Me too.
0:44:11 > 0:44:12Look, I know you don't have much...
0:44:12 > 0:44:14So?
0:44:14 > 0:44:15So I guess I feel sorry for you.
0:44:15 > 0:44:17Why don't you just take this?
0:44:20 > 0:44:23I don't want your lousy money!
0:44:23 > 0:44:27You can't buy people, Joe, has no-one taught you that?
0:44:29 > 0:44:30You know what?
0:44:30 > 0:44:31What?
0:44:31 > 0:44:33- I- feel sorry for YOU.
0:44:48 > 0:44:49MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING
0:44:54 > 0:44:56MUSIC: I'm Your Man by Wham
0:44:56 > 0:44:58- # If you're gonna do it, do it right - right?- Do it with me
0:44:58 > 0:45:02- # If you're gonna do it do it right - right?- Do it with me
0:45:02 > 0:45:05- # If you're gonna do it, do it right - right?- Do it with me
0:45:05 > 0:45:09- # If you're gonna do it, do it right - right?- Do it with me... #
0:45:18 > 0:45:20Dad?
0:45:20 > 0:45:21Yeah!
0:45:21 > 0:45:23I need to talk to you about something.
0:45:23 > 0:45:24OK!
0:45:25 > 0:45:27Hang on, who are all these people?
0:45:27 > 0:45:29Partychums.com.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Why are you having a party?
0:45:32 > 0:45:34Because I've got some great news!
0:45:34 > 0:45:35What?
0:45:35 > 0:45:37Me and Sapphire got engaged!
0:45:37 > 0:45:39No!
0:45:39 > 0:45:41Yes! Isn't it wonderful?
0:45:43 > 0:45:49I'm going to be your new mam! Look! It cost 15 million!
0:45:50 > 0:45:51Dad?
0:45:51 > 0:45:53Yeah?
0:45:53 > 0:45:54Did you get my teacher sacked?
0:45:54 > 0:45:56No!
0:45:58 > 0:46:02Well, maybe...a bit.
0:46:02 > 0:46:04I just bought your headmaster a little sports car.
0:46:04 > 0:46:08You can't buy people, Dad! Has nobody taught you that?
0:46:08 > 0:46:11It only cost 400 grand.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14I'll get you one, if you like?
0:46:14 > 0:46:17I don't want any more stuff! I've got more than enough.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19You can never have enough, son.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21Yes, you can!
0:46:22 > 0:46:26I don't want to end up like you, an old man in a wig,
0:46:26 > 0:46:28with a fiancee who doesn't even love him.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35I love the ring!
0:46:37 > 0:46:40I never want to see either of you ever again.
0:46:52 > 0:46:53KNOCK ON DOOR
0:46:53 > 0:46:57Joe, open this door. Joe!
0:47:01 > 0:47:02Joe!
0:47:05 > 0:47:06HE COUGHS
0:47:06 > 0:47:10Oh, no, burnt again.
0:47:10 > 0:47:12He's locked himself in his room.
0:47:14 > 0:47:15Oh, dear.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20Can I ask you a question?
0:47:20 > 0:47:21Yes, of course, sir.
0:47:21 > 0:47:23Have I been a bad father?
0:47:25 > 0:47:26Do you want an honest answer?
0:47:28 > 0:47:32Yes. Definitely. This time, tell me the truth.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Yes, you have.
0:48:02 > 0:48:03DOORBELL RINGS
0:48:16 > 0:48:19I wanted to say sorry, I've been an idiot.
0:48:20 > 0:48:21Yes, you have.
0:48:22 > 0:48:24A big, stinking idiot.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28Probably bigger than that.
0:48:35 > 0:48:38I ought to go and say sorry to Maddie now.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40No need, she's here.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46We felt really sorry for Miss Sharpe so we've made her a Christmas
0:48:46 > 0:48:50hamper, mince pies and a leaflet about deforestation.
0:48:50 > 0:48:54It's all my fault, my dad got her the sack.
0:48:55 > 0:48:57But I've got a plan...
0:48:57 > 0:48:58to make it better.
0:48:58 > 0:49:01The thing is, I need your help.
0:49:03 > 0:49:04DOORBELL RINGS
0:49:06 > 0:49:10Oh, it's you. It's the middle of the night.
0:49:11 > 0:49:16Miss, I'm sorry you lost your job, it's all my fault.
0:49:16 > 0:49:17I got you these.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Thank you, I suppose.
0:49:22 > 0:49:23Oh...
0:49:24 > 0:49:26There's one more thing.
0:49:26 > 0:49:27What?
0:49:27 > 0:49:28Now!
0:49:29 > 0:49:31HORN HONKS
0:50:00 > 0:50:03You never got to go to the opera so we brought one to you.
0:50:06 > 0:50:08MUSIC: Ombra Mai Fu from Serse by Handel
0:50:11 > 0:50:14You put on all this just for me?
0:50:14 > 0:50:16Yeah. What do you think?
0:50:18 > 0:50:22It's the most generous thing anyone's ever done for me.
0:50:23 > 0:50:31# Ombra mai fu
0:50:39 > 0:50:46# Di vegetabile
0:50:46 > 0:50:51# Cara ed amabile
0:50:51 > 0:50:54# Soave... #
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Don't cry, miss.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58It doesn't need discussion.
0:50:58 > 0:51:05# Ombra mai fu
0:51:05 > 0:51:11# Di vegetabile
0:51:11 > 0:51:18# Cara ed amabile
0:51:18 > 0:51:22# Soave piu
0:51:22 > 0:51:29# Care ed amabile
0:51:29 > 0:51:36# Ombra mai fu
0:51:36 > 0:51:43# Di vegetabile
0:51:43 > 0:51:50# Cara ed amabile
0:51:50 > 0:51:58# Soave piu. #
0:52:05 > 0:52:07That must've cost a fortune.
0:52:07 > 0:52:11It pretty much cleared out my account but I had a bit of money left.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14I want you to have it. Build that school in Africa.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19Thank you! You've done a good thing.
0:52:23 > 0:52:24See you tomorrow, Joe.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26I'm broke, so you're buying the chocolate.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28Deal.
0:52:33 > 0:52:38Joe, what are you doing out in the cold?
0:52:38 > 0:52:39Come, come in.
0:52:42 > 0:52:45Come.
0:52:45 > 0:52:46Ah.
0:52:46 > 0:52:50Let me make you a nice hot mug of Lilt.
0:52:50 > 0:52:51I'm fine.
0:52:53 > 0:52:56Oh, I feel so very sorry for you and your father.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00Why?
0:53:00 > 0:53:03Have you not seen the headlines? Look.
0:53:11 > 0:53:15And on the TV as well, everywhere I look this morning,
0:53:15 > 0:53:18wall-to-wall purple bottoms.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20- TV:- 'The Bumfresh toilet tissue scandal continues to
0:53:20 > 0:53:23'escalate amid allegations that the new minty fresh brand is
0:53:23 > 0:53:25'causing painful purple rashes.
0:53:25 > 0:53:30'Stock prices have plummeted overnight, leaving CEO, Len Spud,
0:53:30 > 0:53:31'facing financial ruin.
0:53:31 > 0:53:35'I've lost everything, er, every penny I've got,
0:53:35 > 0:53:38'but all I want back is my beautiful boy.
0:53:39 > 0:53:43'He ran away from home last night, I've been worried sick, so,
0:53:43 > 0:53:49'so, Joe, if you're out there, please come home...
0:53:49 > 0:53:51'I love you, son.'
0:53:51 > 0:53:54JOURNALISTS CLAMOUR
0:53:57 > 0:53:58TV OFF
0:54:02 > 0:54:07He doesn't really care about me. All he cares about is money.
0:54:10 > 0:54:14You know, I was once a very rich man with huge chain of newsagent shops.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16How many did you have?
0:54:16 > 0:54:17Two.
0:54:18 > 0:54:21I had literally tens of pounds in my pocket
0:54:21 > 0:54:25but I was working so hard I forgot to spend time with my wife.
0:54:26 > 0:54:30I bought her lavish presents - flowers from the garage,
0:54:30 > 0:54:34jewellery, also from the garage,
0:54:34 > 0:54:38but all she really wanted was me.
0:54:40 > 0:54:45That's all I want, to spend time with my dad.
0:54:45 > 0:54:51Joe, you've just seen it, your father loves you very much.
0:54:53 > 0:54:57Let me take you home. Mm?
0:55:21 > 0:55:23There he is!
0:55:23 > 0:55:24JOURNALISTS CLAMOUR
0:55:28 > 0:55:30Go in, Joe, I'll deal with this.
0:55:32 > 0:55:35If I may make a short statement.
0:55:36 > 0:55:37Are we live?
0:55:37 > 0:55:39ALL: Yes!
0:55:42 > 0:55:47'Everyone come to Raj's shop, I have very special offer on Frazzles.'
0:55:47 > 0:55:48RAJ LAUGHS
0:55:52 > 0:55:54Where's Dad?
0:55:54 > 0:55:56Who cares? He's bankrupt!
0:56:03 > 0:56:05There's Sapphire Diamond!
0:56:10 > 0:56:12HUBBUB OF QUESTIONS AND CAMERAS CLICKING
0:56:37 > 0:56:39Dad?
0:56:39 > 0:56:43Joe! Joe! I was so worried.
0:56:45 > 0:56:46Sorry I ran away.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48No, I'm sorry.
0:56:49 > 0:56:51I wasn't a good dad.
0:56:53 > 0:56:58I've lost everything, son, and Sapphire's left me.
0:56:58 > 0:57:01I think maybe she wasn't "the one".
0:57:01 > 0:57:05But I've got you and you're still the most precious thing I have.
0:57:08 > 0:57:11I would make you one last cup of tea
0:57:11 > 0:57:14but the bailiffs have taken the cups, er, and the tea.
0:57:16 > 0:57:17Master Spud.
0:57:19 > 0:57:22Um... I hope you've got a job to go to?
0:57:22 > 0:57:24Yes, sir, a panto.
0:57:24 > 0:57:25Snow White?
0:57:25 > 0:57:29No, Jack And The Beanstalk, I'm playing the giant.
0:57:48 > 0:57:52Now, is there anything you want to go and get from your bedroom before they take it all away?
0:57:52 > 0:57:53No.
0:57:54 > 0:57:56Well, actually, there is one thing.
0:57:56 > 0:57:58SMASHING OUTSIDE
0:58:03 > 0:58:04JOE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:58:08 > 0:58:12You made it and that's what made it more special than anything.
0:58:13 > 0:58:14Come here, son.
0:58:18 > 0:58:20Hello?
0:58:22 > 0:58:23Knock-knock.
0:58:23 > 0:58:26Julie? Julie!
0:58:26 > 0:58:27Hello, Len.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31It's not been the best of days.
0:58:31 > 0:58:33Oh, it's OK, we understand.
0:58:35 > 0:58:36You two know each other already?
0:58:36 > 0:58:39Yeah, we used to work at the factory together.
0:58:39 > 0:58:41We had some happy times.
0:58:46 > 0:58:48We saw you on the news.
0:58:49 > 0:58:52Look, we thought you might want to come to ours for Christmas dinner.
0:58:54 > 0:58:56I mean, it won't be fancy schmancy.
0:59:00 > 0:59:02- We'd like that.- Oh.
0:59:03 > 0:59:05We'd like that very much.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION
0:59:15 > 0:59:18'So, we lost a fortune. But found a new family.
0:59:20 > 0:59:23'And who knows? Maybe we'll live happily ever after.'