0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# When it's just too much to handle?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# You should stay It can change
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# There's good days and bad days
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #
0:00:30 > 0:00:33It just ain't fair. You're getting out of cross-country and we ain't.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Yeah! Why do you get to be the library book monkey
0:00:36 > 0:00:38when we have to run around a field getting yelled at?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Because I applied weeks ago, did an interview
0:00:41 > 0:00:42and got my parents' permission.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44So unfair.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Chill, Eli. We'll find our own skive.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48BELL RINGS
0:00:48 > 0:00:50OK, guys. That's it for today.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Dewey Decimal System, here I come!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Hey, Dex. Do you need any help tidying up?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Really?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02OK, thanks.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04You can start by taking these keyboards back to the storeroom.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06No probs.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08- COUGHS:- Suck ups.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- See you at cross-country. - Or will you?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Don't let me down.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22You've no idea how much this means to me.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25I'm turning a corner. No more detentions.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Good. Because there's no place for mischief in the library.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29We do things by the book.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30HE LAUGHS
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- What's funny?- "By the book."
0:01:35 > 0:01:37It's a pun.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Book?
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Library?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47What's the point in cross-country?
0:01:47 > 0:01:52Running but going nowhere. That's school in a nutshell.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57Right. In three, two, one...
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Run for it!
0:02:03 > 0:02:04What if we don't want to run for it?
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Just move it, will you?!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09You're being chased by a bull!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12It's massive and lonely and wants a wife!
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Run!
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Hey, look. I'm one of those creepy monkey toys.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Shut up! Someone'll hear.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24What happened to just saying we're doing an errand for Mr Harris?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27What if it's Harris that hears us? Put them down. Please.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44It wasn't us sir. It was a...
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Oh, a naughty boy. He went...that way.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49What have you done?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52We're just tidying up, innit? You got to keep on top of this, Dex.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Unbelievable. You can come back after school and sort this out.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57All right. Keep your chin strapped.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Anyway, I'd rather get to cross-country
0:03:01 > 0:03:02than get another one of your lectures.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Oh, would you?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Well, in that case you can miss the cross-country,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08and stay here and tidy up right now.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- Almost too easy, right? - HE CHUCKLES
0:03:17 > 0:03:18OK.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Ah! Ow! Argh!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Argh!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I'm meant to be supervising the school orchestra rehearsal.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38You've inconvenienced a lot of people.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Yeah, well, maybe you should have been supervising us better.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44You're lucky no school equipment got damaged.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Yeah, cos a tambourine's way more important than my foot, right?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Thinking about yourself, again.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50What about your impact on others?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52When are you going to grow up?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I've re-inked all the library stamps. What's next?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04The storeroom. Our old books are overdue for cataloguing.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Alphabetically, chronologically or in subject area?
0:04:07 > 0:04:08All three.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Just a bruise.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Don't do anything too strenuous for the next few days,
0:04:30 > 0:04:31it'll be right as rain.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43So...what did he say? How bad is it?
0:04:43 > 0:04:44How bad is it?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49# I'll tell you how bad - it's a minor bruise
0:04:49 > 0:04:52# But Dexy don't know if I'm fine or doomed
0:04:52 > 0:04:57# So that means it's time to choose whether I go for a lie or truth
0:04:57 > 0:04:58# I could test just how much he'll care
0:04:58 > 0:05:01# If I tell him I'm confined to a wheelchair
0:05:01 > 0:05:03# Or that I have to lose the whole leg
0:05:03 > 0:05:05# And walk around like a pirate with a peg
0:05:05 > 0:05:08# Poor little Nero! My life's horrible
0:05:08 > 0:05:10# And only one person who's responsible
0:05:10 > 0:05:12# That will serve him right for telling me off
0:05:12 > 0:05:14# In front of everyone making me look soft
0:05:14 > 0:05:17# If I pretend this injury might kill me
0:05:17 > 0:05:19# Think of the perks if Dexter feels guilty
0:05:19 > 0:05:21# If I can pull off the invalid thing
0:05:21 > 0:05:23# He'd have to treat me like his king
0:05:23 > 0:05:25# All hail Emperor Nero
0:05:25 > 0:05:28# Tragically injured Wow, what a hero!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30# Love him, serve him do his bidding
0:05:30 > 0:05:32# Might have lost a foot but trust me, I'm winning
0:05:32 > 0:05:37# All hail Commander in Chief With a bravery that's beyond belief
0:05:37 > 0:05:39# Look how he fights through the pain
0:05:39 > 0:05:41# You'll never see an emperor like this again
0:05:41 > 0:05:44# And you might say, "Well, he's lying, clearly"
0:05:44 > 0:05:46# It's more an exaggeration, really
0:05:46 > 0:05:48# I mean, man, what's the worst that can happen?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50# Time to put this plan into action! #
0:05:52 > 0:05:55They said I broke a bone. My index bone.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Totally splintered it. Could be out of action for months.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- Agh!- Whoa! Careful, careful, careful.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- NERO WINCES - Easy, easy.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11All right, let's get you home.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13And maybe we could stop off at that little shop on the way,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15get you some sweets.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17OK.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Yeah, Mum. It kills.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Yeah, they said they'd never seen a break like it.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34She wants to have a word.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40HE SIGHS
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Sorry.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Sugar? Mizz Magazine?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Are you planning some kind of makeover?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I'm taking them to be recycled.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00We'll have them!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02If you're sure. They're quite old.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Some of them go back years.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Great!
0:07:11 > 0:07:12All right?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Aw! Look at the cute little baby!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Aww.- Typical.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Show you girls a baby and then you are all melty and stupid.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Show us that again.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32That is amazing.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35You never told us you was a model.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37That's not me!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Oh, it is.- It's got your chin.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43No, he don't. Plus, he's a dog.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Not the dog, the baby.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I think I'd remember being a baby model.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53Look, did you have loads of baths when you were a baby?
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Yeah!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57And was there a lot of soap around your house growing up?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Yeah. Yeah!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Aw, we ALWAYS had soap.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05But...nah. It couldn't be.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Could it?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Wow, Eli. Why didn't you tell us?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Does it hurt?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Yeah, but I don't want to make a fuss, you know?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Good. Good.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Ow.- Mr Bell, could you...?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- Watch my head. Easy. Careful.- Sorry.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40That's the way it should be - teachers carrying kids.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- What happened?!- Broken foot.
0:08:42 > 0:08:47Aw, where's your cast? I wanted to sign it.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48I'll just sign your trousers.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50No, no, no. It's all right.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52I can take it from here. Oh!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I'll help!
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Watch the bin!
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Whoa!
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Sorry.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Eleesha. Eleesha! Whoa!
0:09:07 > 0:09:08You're killing me.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Nero! Eli told me what happened. Does it hurt?
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Only when Eleesha's pushing me.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16That bandage is shocking. You've barely got any support at all.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19That's more the sort of wrapping I'd use
0:09:19 > 0:09:20for maybe a sprain or a bruise.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Obviously, it's not just a sprain cos the hospital said it's broken.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Yeah, but not even a splint? It's unacceptable.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Owen, Owen.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Uh-oh.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Is that the whiff of deceit I can smell?
0:09:34 > 0:09:35ELI SNIFFS
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Oh, I hope so. I'm well hungry.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I mean he's lying.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Pff!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42So you haven't hurt your foot?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I pushed you all the way for nothing?
0:09:45 > 0:09:50I'm just, you know, making out it's a bit worse than it actually is.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Dexter had this coming.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Stick it to 'em. Low five.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I am not sure what I'm more appalled by -
0:09:58 > 0:10:00the misuse of hospital equipment,
0:10:00 > 0:10:03or the manipulation of people's sympathy.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Who cares? Bagsy pushing.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Does this thing do wheelies?
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Wahey!- Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, Eli!
0:10:11 > 0:10:14BELL RINGS
0:10:16 > 0:10:21OK. Homework tonight - osmosis in potatoes.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24At what concentration of water... HE GROANS
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Nero, are you OK? Is it your foot?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Uh...yeah, Miss.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33It's not going to stop you from doing your homework, is it?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35No. I mean...
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I have got physio tonight, but I'll cancel it.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Oh, no, Nero. I don't want you to have to do that.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43It's not your fault you've broken your foot.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Exempt from your essay.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Seriously?
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Oh, great!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05By the time we get served, all the dinosaur shapes will be gone.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Try and push me to the front. Got to be worth a try.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Excuse me. Sorry.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- Mind the wheels, you spam.- Sorry.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16KIDS GRUMBLE
0:11:24 > 0:11:27And what can I get you boys?
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Mmm! Delicious.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08You might've missed cross-country yesterday,
0:12:08 > 0:12:10but that doesn't mean I can't make you do it today.
0:12:10 > 0:12:1312 laps around that field or...
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Um...
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- I didn't realise that you were a... - Well, he is.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24Right. Well. Obviously, you can't do anything if you're a...
0:12:24 > 0:12:26if you're a...if you're a...
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Well, if you're in one of those.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Ow! Ow!- Sorry! Sorry. Sorry.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I'm...I'm going to...
0:12:32 > 0:12:33See you later.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I didn't give you permission to display that.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50But...it's been signed.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53By Baden Powell himself!
0:12:53 > 0:12:55The founder of the scouting movement?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I don't care if it's been signed by Father Christmas.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Please!
0:13:00 > 0:13:03It's a rare treasure. You have to.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Fine, it can stay. Just get on with your duties.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27I need you to put these up.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29And when you've done, I've a list of jobs
0:13:29 > 0:13:31that need doing round the school.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37THEY PLAY TUNELESSLY
0:13:46 > 0:13:48That's enough, thank you!
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Sorry - what's going on?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52New school health and safety policy.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Instruments over a certain size and weight
0:13:54 > 0:13:57are no longer allowed in school.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58This seems a bit extreme.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59You should've thought about that
0:13:59 > 0:14:01before you allowed your student to be injured.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Why would my mum get me Turkish delight?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I hate Turkish delight. She knows that.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I think it's delicious.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Whoa! Ow!
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Sorry.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Stop getting it on my head, like...
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You'll have to take the long way round.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- I need to make these doors safe. - Isaac...
0:14:32 > 0:14:34D-d-d-d! Don't have a go.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Miss Andress is making a few changes.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Oh, yeah. You don't say.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Watch it!- Sorry.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45So, I asked my mum last night
0:14:45 > 0:14:47and she said I have never been a baby model
0:14:47 > 0:14:49and to, you know, go to bed
0:14:49 > 0:14:51and stop bothering her at 1am when she's trying to sleep.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Well, she would say that, wouldn't she?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Yeah. She probably made millions out of your modelling career.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59She wouldn't want you to have that now, would she?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01You'd just spend it on crisps.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03That's so mean!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06No, my mum would never do that.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08She knows how much I love crisps.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Money does funny things to people.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16You really think I'm the...?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18We do.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Eli, you are the Softly Soap Baby. Be proud.
0:15:24 > 0:15:30# Ooh, I'm just so cute
0:15:30 > 0:15:34# I'm just so cute and smooth
0:15:34 > 0:15:37# Like a baby's bum and soft
0:15:37 > 0:15:41# And soapy I'm number one
0:15:41 > 0:15:45# Just think - all those years people have always said I was weird
0:15:45 > 0:15:46# Now I know why I stand out from the norm
0:15:46 > 0:15:49# I've been a male model since the day I was born
0:15:49 > 0:15:51# Funny, I always knew I was different
0:15:51 > 0:15:53# Now the whole world can stand up and listen
0:15:53 > 0:15:55# Start with the magazines then billboards
0:15:55 > 0:15:57# Train stations, stadiums still more!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59# This could be a real winner that I'm onto
0:15:59 > 0:16:01# Like the saying says - the world is my lobster
0:16:01 > 0:16:04# This time next year I'll be a cover star
0:16:04 > 0:16:07# In the Bahamas or some other far away tropical land
0:16:07 > 0:16:09# On a photoshoot surrounded by fans They know I'm cute
0:16:09 > 0:16:11# Anyone who ever teased me don't forget
0:16:11 > 0:16:14# I'm the Softy Soap Baby show respect!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17# Ooh, time to moisturise
0:16:17 > 0:16:21# This guy's a feast for your eyes
0:16:21 > 0:16:25# Ah, these brains, this face
0:16:25 > 0:16:29# Turn out I'm a gold mine So watch this space
0:16:29 > 0:16:34# So soft, so soapy So soft, so soapy
0:16:34 > 0:16:38# So soft, so soapy So soapy, so soapy
0:16:38 > 0:16:39# Uh! #
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Wow.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I need to watch my complexion in the sunlight!
0:16:51 > 0:16:53What's going on?
0:16:53 > 0:16:57New rules. Miss Andress is removing all books with dangerous content.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02The Giant Book Of Heart-warming Tales?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Or that could fall on someone and cause an injury.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Wait! You can't take that. It's special.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Fire starting. Tying knots. Knife and axe use.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Lock it away with the others.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Isaac! No!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27I'm just the caretaker. It's not my job to think.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Don't have a go.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36OK, Johnson is exempt from PE today due to being all...
0:17:36 > 0:17:38naffed up in the foot.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Naffed up foot my foot.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42The rest of you can get into position.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Should you be doing PE?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47What if you the ball hits you in the face?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Yeah. Your face is your fortune.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Sir, I shouldn't be playing rounders either.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54I'm a male model.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56You're a male idiot.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Nobody other that wheelie boy gets to sit this one out.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01No rounders! Give me that bat.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Ball sport is strictly safety first from this point.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- What?- She's out of control!
0:18:10 > 0:18:13She's even confiscated a valuable scouting book
0:18:13 > 0:18:15because she thinks it's dangerous!
0:18:16 > 0:18:18What am I supposed to do, then?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19They can pass this to one another.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23- Go long! - Fleur!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Stop! Roll it across the ground.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Man alive!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Obviously, real volcanoes erupt
0:18:32 > 0:18:35when magma rises through cracks or weaknesses in the earth's crust.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Hey. I can't see.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40This scale model merely demonstrates how it's easy to show...
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Stop right there.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42KIDS GROAN
0:18:42 > 0:18:45We can't have dangerous chemicals around the students.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48What? It's the explosions that makes school bearable.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- It's just water, baking soda... - I don't care.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54The very idea of volcanoes is dangerous.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Next they'll all be rushing off looking for lava to play with.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- I...- Uh...just following orders.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Don't have a go.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06In the wake of Johnson's injury, I'm not prepared to take any chances.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07What am I supposed to teach them?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I am sure even this lot would struggle to hurt themselves
0:19:10 > 0:19:11writing an essay.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- GROANING - Miss, that is not fair.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23A load of bored kids rolling a ball around? It's rubbish!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I'm supposed to be teaching physical education,
0:19:25 > 0:19:28not lazy snooze boring time.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30How can I do electrons and ions
0:19:30 > 0:19:32when she's confiscated my Van der Graaf generator?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Well done, Harris, for letting Johnson and Grant
0:19:35 > 0:19:36faff about in a storeroom.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I'll make it up to you. I promise.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Well, you better. It's political correctness gone mad.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Scalding hazard.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Don't have a go.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Where do you think you're going?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- To the playground?- Oh, no.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Until we can afford to make school wheelchair safe,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09you're a liability.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11You're staying inside at breaks.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- What about my lunch? - I'll bring you something.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17OK. I'll have a burger and chips...
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Oh, no, you won't. Hot food is now banned.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Miss Andress, a word.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33What are you doing here? It's lunchtime.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35I've come to ask for mercy.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38For a book. Isobel thinks it's dangerous.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Then I'm sure she's right.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42But...it's valuable.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Or, well...it is to me.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47You can't just lock books up!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50No. What a waste of space that would be.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- They're being sent away to be pulped.- Pulped!?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56The funds raised will go to pay for wheelchair ramps for the school.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09MOBILE RINGS
0:21:12 > 0:21:17Hello? Yes, this is Eli Grant, the Softly Soap Baby.
0:21:17 > 0:21:22I'm calling from Bettaways Supermarket on Crow Street.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25We would like you to make a promotional appearance
0:21:25 > 0:21:29at our store at 5pm tonight.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31How did you get this number?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34It's, er...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37in the Baby Model Directory.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38We'd love to have you.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Plus, you'd be handsomely rewarded.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Well, I am very handsome.
0:21:43 > 0:21:50And of course, we'd like you to come dressed as a giant baby.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Of course. Anything for the fans.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54See you later.
0:21:58 > 0:21:59I don't get it.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02You ain't got no Baby Model Directory.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04What?
0:22:04 > 0:22:09Eleesha...Eli ain't really the Softly Soap Baby.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Yeah, he is.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Why else would you be hiring him to appear at the supermarket?
0:22:15 > 0:22:20What about experimenting with static electricity?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22There's nothing in the new guidelines banning it.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24You utter buffoon.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28And as for PE, this memo doesn't mention Malaysian kickball,
0:22:28 > 0:22:30geocaching, gurning...
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Gurning?!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Get a grip, Harris! You've gone off the deep end.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- I'm just trying to help. - Well, don't.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55You need to tell Miss Andress there's nothing wrong with your leg.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57No way! You know how much cuss I'd be in?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Fine.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03But if you don't do something to stop that book getting pulped, I will.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04HE CHUCKLES
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Like what? Break into the staff room and nick it back?
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Yes.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11That's exactly what I'm going to do.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Nah.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Owen. Owen.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Owen! Wait up!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Think about this!
0:23:21 > 0:23:25# So, what do I do now? Lied myself into a corner, ouch!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27# Yeah, I know my foot don't hurt but my brain does
0:23:27 > 0:23:29# How do I make this thing work?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33# So, what do I do now? Lied myself into a corner, ouch!
0:23:33 > 0:23:36# Yeah, I know my foot don't hurt but my brain does
0:23:36 > 0:23:37# How do I make this thing work?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39# Times are hard for the boy who cried foot
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# Guess the plan worked that much was good
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# Homework and cross-country got skipped
0:23:43 > 0:23:46# And those dinosaur shapes were crisp
0:23:46 > 0:23:48# The guilt I made Dexter feel was perfect
0:23:48 > 0:23:50# But in the cold light of day was it worth it?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52# Look at all the drama I got now
0:23:52 > 0:23:54# Elmsmere on a health and safety lock down
0:23:54 > 0:23:55# Talk about your OTT
0:23:55 > 0:23:58# Andress is on the next level now, see?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00# On top of that I freaked out my mum
0:24:00 > 0:24:02# And to my mates I'm public enemy number one
0:24:02 > 0:24:05# Now Owen's going to raid the staff room and get nicked
0:24:05 > 0:24:07# And probably get suspended
0:24:07 > 0:24:09# Maybe I should confess this
0:24:09 > 0:24:11# And avoid the stresses
0:24:11 > 0:24:13# Oh, man, I can't do it!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15# He'll get suspended I'll get EXCLUDED!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17# Nah, I've got to come up with another plan
0:24:17 > 0:24:19# Before we all get stuck in another jam
0:24:19 > 0:24:21# Owen trying to be bad won't end well
0:24:21 > 0:24:24# I've got to stop him, I know I can't fail! #
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Owen!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I told you to stay put!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Yeah, you did, Miss, but I got cabin fever in there.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I just had to GET OUT!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Yeah, just had to GET OUT.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41It's my leg, you see, um, MISS ANDRESS.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43It needs air now that I can't RUN.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Since when did a broken leg need air?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Go back to the classroom!
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Wait, wait, Miss!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50There's something you have to know.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56I'm cured!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Oh, wow, it's a miracle.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01It's not a miracle, Johnson. It's a month's detention.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04You must think I am an idiot.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17I need you to put the school back to rights.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18But I was just...
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I want everything back to normal by tomorrow morning.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Argh!
0:26:23 > 0:26:26But you called me! Don't you know who I am?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29I'm the Softly Soap Baby!
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Come on. Move it.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Mum! Tell them who I am!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38And then tell me where you've hidden my millions, you dirty thief!
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Aw, look, it's a baby!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Aw, you're right, Eli.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Girls do get all melty and stupid when we see a baby.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Aww!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52That is so going online.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54You! You did this!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You've ruined my life!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58- Come on.- Mum!
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Move it.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04You'd think they'd treat him with a bit more respect.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06You know, with him being a male model and all.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Keep it up, Johnson, you little faker!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Come on, Nero. You owe Mr Nunn ten more laps!
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Pick up those puny legs, boy!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Thought you might need this.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Life-saver.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30It's the least I could do after you helped me save the book.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31Sorry you got in so much trouble.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32It's chill man.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35My mum said as a punishment I don't deserve any more Turkish delight.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Result!
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Move it! Come on!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Come on!
0:27:49 > 0:27:51- # Can't live with 'em - And you can't kick them out
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# When you're up they rub it in your face
0:27:53 > 0:27:55- # Kick you when you're down - But what no-one understands them
0:27:55 > 0:27:58- # You know what they're on about - Always going to be around
0:27:58 > 0:28:02- # Got to find a common ground - If you know so much about me
0:28:02 > 0:28:04# Where do I go from here?
0:28:04 > 0:28:06- # If you see them every day - You can never get away
0:28:06 > 0:28:09- # Only time that you're the boss? - 4 o'clock. #