0:00:06 > 0:00:10# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?
0:00:10 > 0:00:12# When it's just too much to handle?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# You should stay It can change
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# There's good days and bad days
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #
0:00:30 > 0:00:32They said they'd get back by today.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Oh, stop going on about your festival.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35I've got divorce papers to deliver.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- Now, just watch my back. - Just so you know,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40I'm not fighting your wife's new boyfriend.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41You don't have to fight him.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Just keep him at bay while I deliver the papers.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47He's had it in for me ever since I called him a shaven-headed gorilla.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Unbelievable.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56My massage chair!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Well, don't just stand there! Help me!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11"Superhead: Education My Way by Crispin Bell."
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- My books!- When did you write a book?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Well, in my heyday, obviously.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18I'm not going to write a book about my life now,
0:01:18 > 0:01:20except as a horror story.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Hey. What you doing?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Tony says you're not allowed in the house.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29I'm not in the house. Daddy's just rifling through Mummy's skip.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30This is your kid?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33This is Crispin Junior.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Don't call me that. It's CJ.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38I'm going to get Tony.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Don't you dare.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Crispin, I forbid you to go and get that gorilla.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Tony!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Quick, get the stuff!
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Tony!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51My books!
0:01:51 > 0:01:52He's coming! Run!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Gah!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11You never mentioned having a kid.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Well, I suppose you just never think to talk about them.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42CARAVAN RATTLES
0:02:44 > 0:02:47That's either a heavy-duty massage chair or Bell's got a poltergeist.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49THEY LAUGH
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Yeah, poltergeists don't exist!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Begone, unclean spirit!
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Go into the light!
0:03:05 > 0:03:07It went into the light.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Oi! You can't keep a vibrating caravan on school premises.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15It's my massage chair.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Well, get rid of it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- That's a health and safety nightmare right there.- Fine.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22You take it to the office until I decide what to do with it.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Did you not just hear what I said
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- about an international urban arts festival?- Yeah, so?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31You're not the only one going.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33What? You're going?
0:03:34 > 0:03:35You can't dance.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Maybe I can. Maybe I'm a brilliant dancer.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Maybe I'm better than you.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43HE CHUCKLES
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Yeah. Very funny. Very funny.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Hilarious.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51No-one's better than me.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58PHONE RINGS
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Yes, what?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03'Sorry, is that Crispin Bell?'
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I'm Anthea Dean Jones from the Aspiration Free School.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11'I read your book last night and'
0:04:11 > 0:04:14we're looking to appoint a visionary headmaster
0:04:14 > 0:04:17and I wondered if you would be available today
0:04:17 > 0:04:21for a few of us to drop by, see you in action?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24That is, of course, if you don't mind being headhunted.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28# I can't begin to tell you how life's been
0:04:28 > 0:04:31# Pretty rotten, I've been lost in a whirlwind
0:04:31 > 0:04:33# With no house, no money, no girlfriend
0:04:33 > 0:04:36# Lost all my pride, hoped the world would end
0:04:36 > 0:04:39# A caravan tramp sneaking to the boys' toilets
0:04:39 > 0:04:42# To wash my pungent armpits in the morning
0:04:42 > 0:04:44# And every day is like an earthquake
0:04:44 > 0:04:47# When these horrible little brats give my home a shake
0:04:47 > 0:04:50# And it's safe to say it's all been humiliating
0:04:50 > 0:04:53# But now it's finally turning around
0:04:53 > 0:04:56# The table's turning and I'm earning my crown
0:04:56 > 0:04:59# It's time for a change and that change is now
0:04:59 > 0:05:03# I can't believe it's turning round
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# Turning round, turning round, around
0:05:06 > 0:05:08# Good grief! It's turning around
0:05:08 > 0:05:10# Round and round and round
0:05:10 > 0:05:12# I'll go from a hobo to a head
0:05:12 > 0:05:14# A table to a bed
0:05:14 > 0:05:16# Bankrupt to boss instead
0:05:16 > 0:05:19# When I wrote that masterpiece I knew I was a winner
0:05:19 > 0:05:22# A driven go-getter, but now it's getting better
0:05:22 > 0:05:26# I can't believe it's turning round
0:05:28 > 0:05:31# Good grief, it's turning around
0:05:31 > 0:05:34# Na-na-na-na-na, aha, around
0:05:34 > 0:05:37# I can't believe that it's turning round
0:05:37 > 0:05:40# Turning round, turning round, around
0:05:40 > 0:05:43# Good grief! It's turning around
0:05:43 > 0:05:45# Round and round and round
0:05:45 > 0:05:48# I've got to plan right so nothing goes wrong
0:05:48 > 0:05:50# Turn things around, I shan't fail now
0:05:50 > 0:05:53# I can't mess up if I'm the king with a crown
0:05:53 > 0:05:56# I've got to turn it all around. #
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Today? That's wonderful.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Fantastic. Yeah. See you then.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06KNOCK AT THE DOOR
0:06:16 > 0:06:19I fed Tony's stamp collection to the dog.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Mum says I have to live with you now.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Don't tell me you live in this toilet.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Morning, Harris. Dexter.
0:06:34 > 0:06:40So I hear you've got some of your musos into a festival this summer.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Nice little holiday for a few teachers, I reckon.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Looking after the kids.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It's really about the performance.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Yeah, sure it is(!)
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Sure you'll be spending all your time at some poxy arts festival.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Say no more. So, have you decided who you're taking yet?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Look, Graham, the thing is,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I've already got all the volunteers I need, so...
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I see. Spare me your excuses, Harris.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I don't need you to get me a free holiday anyway.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05Two can play at that game.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12All right, if you're such a sick dancer,
0:07:12 > 0:07:14let me see some of your moves.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Like those, you mean?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18This isn't a dance. I need the bog.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24OK, let's start off with something real simple. Real simple, OK?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Hey! What?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31OK, now you do it.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Was that too easy?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34OK, how about this, then?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Could your mother not even have called...?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47CHILDREN COUGH
0:07:47 > 0:07:48LAUGHTER
0:07:56 > 0:07:59You two. Detention.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- Oh, man!- But... But that's not fair.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Fine. Well, then, you can have a behaviour remark on your record.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07And you can clear this up.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11And when you've finished that, you can clean the whole school.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13For a week!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15You, come on.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Thanks(!)
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Hey, did you see what I did back there?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28No. You know what must have happened?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Must have been one of them split seconds
0:08:30 > 0:08:32where I don't watch everything you do.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Ow! Don't flick me.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36This is important. Listen.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I was over there, right next to that fire extinguisher,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42but something told me I just had to get out of there.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- What, your bladder?- Exactly.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47It's like my body knew something bad was going to happen
0:08:47 > 0:08:51and took me right out of the firing line, to the safety of the toilet.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53You've got a psychic bladder.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Have you two completely lost it?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Don't diss my psychic bladder.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Yeah, Fleur, be careful.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Eli's only just started exploring his powers.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Who knows what he's capable of?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Unbelievable.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15I don't want to go to this crummy school!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I don't want to live with you.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Well, we don't always get what we want.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Today is a big day for me.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I've got some important people coming to talk to me about a job.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26What, as a snowman?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Look, how about I give you £5 to behave yourself?
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Will that help?
0:09:33 > 0:09:34I don't want your money.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Look, just stay out of trouble while they're here.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I need this.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45And you don't need me, right?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48# It's like my life's been turned upside down
0:09:48 > 0:09:51# Why d'you think I walk around now with a frown?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55# Used to be in a school with my crew at St Cuthbert's
0:09:55 > 0:09:59# Till my mum pulled me out of a hood called the suburbs
0:09:59 > 0:10:02# Stripped me out of school and moved me somewhere much worse
0:10:02 > 0:10:06# Why'd you do it, Mum? Was it cos of the divorce?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09# You can't afford school tuition, how's that my fault?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11# Now I'm stuck in this hellhole
0:10:11 > 0:10:13# I'm going to tear this place down
0:10:13 > 0:10:17# Cos this ain't for me and it's plain to see that it's paining me
0:10:17 > 0:10:20# I'm going to tear this place down
0:10:20 > 0:10:24# Uh-huh, I'mma tear this place down
0:10:24 > 0:10:27# Yeah, I'm going to tear this place down
0:10:27 > 0:10:30# Now my mum sold the crib and left me with my dad
0:10:30 > 0:10:33# He's a total loser, living in a caravan
0:10:33 > 0:10:36# All my homies have gone and it isn't nice
0:10:36 > 0:10:38# This new crib is a joke
0:10:38 > 0:10:40# I can't live my life
0:10:40 > 0:10:44# In this horrible dump with a chemical bog
0:10:44 > 0:10:47# Zero chance they'd ever want to pimp my ride
0:10:47 > 0:10:50# Dad couldn't care less if I look a right fool
0:10:50 > 0:10:54# Right in front of all the kids in this wack school
0:10:54 > 0:10:57# Now I'm feeling stuck and I can't be held
0:10:57 > 0:11:00# I'll do whatever it takes just to get expelled
0:11:00 > 0:11:04# There's no way that I'm falling face down
0:11:04 > 0:11:07# I'm going to rise up and tear this place down. #
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Good news, ladies and, um... gentleman. You have a new classmate.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- This is Cris...- CJ.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15They call me CJ.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Innit?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19SHE GIGGLES
0:11:19 > 0:11:24You three, introduce "CJ" here to the wonderful world of Elmsmere.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27And make sure he doesn't get into any trouble.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30HE MAKES FARTING NOISES
0:11:30 > 0:11:31THEY LAUGH
0:11:34 > 0:11:36HE CONTINUES FARTING NOISES
0:11:38 > 0:11:39That was proper funny.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Whatever. I'm out of here.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Well, he seems nice.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46We can't just let him go.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50If he gets in trouble, Ding-Dong blames us.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Yeah, Darnesh. We've got to look after the new kid.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Hey, kid, you got to come back to class.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Why? I'm having jokes.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16We've got to get out of here.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Crispin!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I recognise you from your book.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Sorry, were you going to...?
0:12:28 > 0:12:29This? Oh, this?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Why would I be going into this thing? This is...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35This is a toilet.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Where we store toilets.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Oh, listen to me!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Going on about school toilet stories when you've come all this way.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46HE LAUGHS
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Welcome. Shall we adjourn to my office?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Can I ask, why do you have that powder on you?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- Oh, this?- Mm.- This is just ordinary fire-retardant powder.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Do the children try to set you on fire?- Not yet.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Anyway, here we are.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15Oh, but that says "deputy head". I understood you were the head.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Did you?- Yes.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Oh, of course. I mean, of course you did.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22That's because I am the head.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26I just thought that you might be interested in seeing this door.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Well, the head's office, my office, is actually this way.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- Crispin, I wonder if... - On the other hand, perhaps
0:13:37 > 0:13:41you'd like to see other instances of my leadership skills, this way.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42I think you'll be... Quickly, hurry up!
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I think you'll be very impressed with the way...
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Argh!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Oh, my goodness, Crispin, are you all right?- Yes, I'm fine.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Oh, er, sorry, I should introduce myself.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55No, no, no. No need for that.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Helena Goodman, headteacher.- Oh.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03HE CHUCKLES
0:14:05 > 0:14:06BELL RINGS
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Isaac. How are you?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16You're not feeling guilty that
0:14:16 > 0:14:19you left a trolley full of toilet rolls in temptation's way?
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Eh?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Good.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26And I want you to know that you can always ask for help.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29I don't want any.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Oh. Well...
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Mr Bell has very kindly arranged
0:14:34 > 0:14:39for Nero and Polly here to give you some support this week.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have everything back under control
0:14:42 > 0:14:43in no time at all.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Oh, no. You don't get the mop.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53You get to clear up that lot.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Better get some rubber gloves.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Can you stop giving me the evils?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Stop glaring at you?
0:15:12 > 0:15:16When I stop pulling things out of toilets because of you.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20This ain't so bad, you know.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23And it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't said you could dance.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27I didn't say I could dance. Dexter wants me to sing at the festival.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31We won't get to go after this anyway.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33What?
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Since when have kids with behaviour comments been banned from trips?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40One of Mr Bell's new things.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43No privileges for six weeks, you get a comment in your record.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Well, I guess I'd better set my record straight, then, hadn't I?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Yes!
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Keep watch.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I will not keep watch.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Nero!
0:15:59 > 0:16:00That's the school office.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Nero...
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I'm going to tell.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Let's go cleaning, boys. Come on.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Let's sort this place out. It's a tip.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Down. Down!
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Oh, yeah.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18SHE SIGHS
0:16:20 > 0:16:21You can let go now.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Now look what you've done. I'm an accomplice.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29This will go on my school record.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32No worries. I'll just tamper with it.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Give it back.- It won't take long.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Seriously, this is not...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37No, don't touch it.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Whoa!
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Crispin!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Get back to the caravan. School is out of bounds at this time...
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Did you do this?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13You don't care! You don't even want me here.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- Crispin!- My name's CJ!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19HE RUNS DOWNSTAIRS
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Nero?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- What are we going to do about yesterday?- Uh...
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I'm talking about the...
0:17:50 > 0:17:54Well, you stop talking about it before someone hears us.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57No-one saw us. Relax. We got away with it.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Miss. What's happened?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Someone vandalised the school office last night.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10What's that got to do with Isaac?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Get back to your classes, please.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16The keys!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Aaliyah, I just wondered if you're still interested
0:18:21 > 0:18:22in coming to the arts festival.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Oh, sorry, Dexter, I've said I'll do something else.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28What's going on? You're the third person to drop out this morning.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Yeah, it's just...
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Graham's got this inter-school sports trip to Barbados, so...
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Nunn's doing a trip to Barbados? Since when?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Well, this morning, I think.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Unbelievable! Unbelievable!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I know what you're doing.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59So I called a mate who teaches PE in Barbados.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I can't help it if your helpers would rather lie on a beach
0:19:04 > 0:19:07than hang out at some Belgian prance-a-thon, can I?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10You won't beat me. I'll get enough volunteers.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Will you?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- How would you like a trip to Belgium?- Barbados! Come to Barbados!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Did you hear what happened to Isaac?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Oh, yeah, someone broke into the office and trashed it.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Someone - or something.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Think about it.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38An office gets trashed behind a locked door.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40No normal kid could have done that.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43It's almost like it was someone with...
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Special powers!
0:19:45 > 0:19:46Just what I was thinking!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48No, no, no. Don't say it.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Your evil bladder.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54You're right. My psychic guts are out of control!
0:19:55 > 0:19:59I think you need to confess before anyone else gets hurt.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Nero, we can't just blame Isaac.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08They could sack him.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11And you think I'd just let that happen? Come on.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- I guess we'll just have to say it was both of us.- Us?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17It was not us! It was you.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I was trying to stop you.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22So you just want me to take the rap, then?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I want you to tell the truth.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26That's all.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Just leave out the part where I was there.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Please, it's just supervising kids abroad.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I know you'd be brilliant.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I am a child.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I can't be legally responsible for my peers.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Get a grip, Mr Harris.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Get a grip.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Just seen Goodman.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54My return to work is now written in stone.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Are you OK?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Not unless we can get the twins to supervise a Belgian field trip.
0:21:01 > 0:21:07Dexter, this trip - it's on my work days. Tuesday and Wednesday.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I told you.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11You can't go. You're doing the childcare.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13- But...- Dex.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Can I have a word? It's about the office getting trashed.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18If you've got any info, take it to Mrs Goodman.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20She'll make sure they get expelled.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Expelled?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25It's breaking and entering. Of course they'll get expelled.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29# What? What? Am? Am? I? I?
0:21:29 > 0:21:30# Gonna? Gonna? Do? Do?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32# Wanted to hit the trip so I broke the rules
0:21:32 > 0:21:35# I stole the keys trespassing in the room
0:21:35 > 0:21:37# Changed some records and for the record I'm such a fool
0:21:37 > 0:21:40# Isaac getting moved for something he didn't even do
0:21:40 > 0:21:42# Should I confess? If I confess then I'll be ridiculed
0:21:42 > 0:21:45# Getting expelled, arrested right in the school
0:21:45 > 0:21:47# Everybody looking at me like some imbecile
0:21:47 > 0:21:50# I'm stuck between a rock and a bad place
0:21:50 > 0:21:52# Any direction ends in disgrace
0:21:52 > 0:21:55# I'll lose it all, even my fan base
0:21:55 > 0:21:57# No escape from a rock and a bad place
0:21:57 > 0:21:59# This is awful
0:21:59 > 0:22:00# Broken the rules
0:22:00 > 0:22:03# I never thought I'd learn to know what that feels like
0:22:03 > 0:22:06# I've never even broken a nail, now I've knocked over shelves,
0:22:06 > 0:22:07# Like some lawless criminal
0:22:07 > 0:22:09# I can't blame it all on Johnson
0:22:09 > 0:22:12# I was there too with a guilty conscience
0:22:12 > 0:22:15# Nero's used to being in the bad books
0:22:15 > 0:22:17# He can take the rap and he can add it to his antics
0:22:17 > 0:22:19# Is that right, though?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22# To let him take the blame while I get off scot-free?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24# Is that really me? Is that right, though?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27# To let him take the blame while I get off scot-free?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29# What do you do when you're stuck?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32# Do you just give up or do you let someone else take the rap?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34# Like black, never that
0:22:34 > 0:22:35# I'm Neville to the Johnson
0:22:35 > 0:22:37# I'm like Sherlock to a Watson and I'm down to solve a problem
0:22:37 > 0:22:39# I got it stuck, get it unstuck
0:22:39 > 0:22:43# Like grease, I ain't staying in between a rock and a bad place
0:22:43 > 0:22:46BOTH: # I'm stuck between a rock and a bad place
0:22:46 > 0:22:48# Any direction ends in disgrace
0:22:48 > 0:22:50# And I don't want to be disgraced
0:22:50 > 0:22:53# No escape from a rock and a bad place
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# I'm stuck between a rock and a bad place
0:22:56 > 0:22:58# Any direction ends in disgrace
0:22:58 > 0:23:00# And I ain't going to be disgraced
0:23:00 > 0:23:03# Got to escape from a rock and a bad place. #
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- What are you doing?- Change of plan.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I'm going to get Isaac off without dropping anyone in it.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Nice toilet stunt yesterday.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Believe! This school ain't seen nothing like me.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I'm going to tear this place to the ground!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Hey! Turkey Twist.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26I heard Ding-Dong's your dad.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28No... No, he ain't.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31So how come you've got the same name as what he's got?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33What? Mr Bell?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35I'm CJ, innit?
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Yeah, for Crispin Junior.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41And I heard you went to some swotty private swot school
0:23:41 > 0:23:43for private swots.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48Yeah? Well, I heard you went to a pig farm for a brain upgrade.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49- ALL:- Ooh!
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Well, I heard you went to a something for a whatever,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54and all you got was a thing.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Suck it up, posh boy!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I ain't posh! I'm this school's nightmare!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- You know who trashed that office last night?- Ssh!
0:24:01 > 0:24:02That was me!
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Well, a free holiday to Barbados
0:24:06 > 0:24:09and a public confession from the deputy head's son.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Could this day get any better?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Come on, Crispin. I'm going to enjoy this.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I'm so pleased that you gave me another chance...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Crispin, I wonder if...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Oh! Hello again.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24This is Anthea.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27I believe you met very briefly yesterday.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29We're interested in headhunting Crispin.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Oh, gosh.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33How exciting.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Well, I wonder if I might borrow him for a minute, if you don't mind?
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Of course.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Well...
0:24:43 > 0:24:45HE CHUCKLES
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Ah. A disciplinary matter.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53A room was vandalised and, um...
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- was the only one with the key. - I never done nothing.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Bizarre. Well, looks like we'll never find out who was the culprit,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- so might as well leave it at that. - Come on, you. Get in there.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Got a bit of news for you lot about the office getting smashed up.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08How about we leave that for another time?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Mrs Mop here didn't have anything to do with it.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15It was me.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I did it. I smashed up the room.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19What?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Crispin, why?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Why?
0:25:24 > 0:25:25That's a good question.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Um...
0:25:29 > 0:25:31The divorce has been very difficult
0:25:31 > 0:25:36and I needed to take my frustration out on something,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38so I chose some shelves.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Thank you for your time, Crispin.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I... I think I've seen enough.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44I'll just...
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- No...- Dad, stop.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52I know you're trying to help but it was me.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53I trashed the office.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- This school's rubbish. Just expel me.- Oh, dear!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02You finding something amusing, Graham?
0:26:02 > 0:26:03Just enjoying the show, mate.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Well, maybe you'd enjoy me cancelling
0:26:05 > 0:26:07your ridiculous Barbados trip.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10What? But you can't! I've already booked my penthouse.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Oh, dear!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I've got a confession! It was me who trashed the office.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18I have an evil psychic bladder. I need help!
0:26:19 > 0:26:23THUMPING AND RATTLING
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Was your chair in here last night when the office got vandalised?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I said that thing's a health and safety nightmare!
0:26:47 > 0:26:52See? We framed a chair. No-one got busted. Everything's frosty.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I have to admit, that was pretty sweet.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00See? You stick with me, you'll learn how to play by our rules.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03Nero, Polly.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- What are you two doing out of lessons?- Hey, Dexter.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09We were just...
0:27:09 > 0:27:11We were just, you know...
0:27:12 > 0:27:15..getting some extra practice in before the festival.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# La la la la la... #
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- The festival's off, I'm afraid. Double booked.- What?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Sorry, Nero. Twins come first.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Now, get back to lessons.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39And, guys...
0:27:39 > 0:27:42behaviour comment for both of you.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45For lying to a teacher and bunking off class.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49I really need to keep away from you.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55# Can't live with 'em
0:27:55 > 0:27:56# And you can't kick 'em out
0:27:56 > 0:27:57# When they're up they rub it in your face
0:27:57 > 0:27:58# Kick you when you're down
0:27:58 > 0:28:00# But when no-one understands them
0:28:00 > 0:28:01# You know what they're on about
0:28:01 > 0:28:02# Always gonna be around
0:28:02 > 0:28:03# Gotta find a common ground
0:28:03 > 0:28:07# If you know so much about me
0:28:07 > 0:28:08# Where do I go from here?
0:28:08 > 0:28:10# If you see 'em every day
0:28:10 > 0:28:11# You can never get away
0:28:11 > 0:28:14# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #