0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# When it's just too much to handle?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# You should stay It can change
0:00:20 > 0:00:22# There's good days and bad days
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# So the only time is now 4 o'clock
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# 4 o'clock, 4 o'clock, 4 o'clock. #
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Oi! Moon man.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48What's with the life jacket?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51This? It's part of the uniform.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54I've got a job working at The Arena.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- The Arena?- Yeah.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59It's where all the cool new bands play.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02So, you...probably wouldn't have heard of them.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Why does she always rise to me?
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Maybe because you always act like a massive idiot around her?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- That is a fair point. - You should ask her to a gig.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17We've got all types of new cool bands playing.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18The Vikings, there's The Splutters...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20The Splutters?
0:01:23 > 0:01:28Yeah, they're sort of, pop meets turbo-folk, with elements
0:01:28 > 0:01:30of post-grunge and...
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Not you again.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Oh, come on. Look, I know you think I'm a chump
0:01:39 > 0:01:42because I botched up your volcano display.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- And gave me fleas.- Yeah.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46That's actually right.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50But I do want to make it up to you, by taking you to a gig.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55What? Some stupid rapper like Jazzy Jay or ASAP Whatshisface?
0:01:56 > 0:01:57No. The Splutters.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59The Splutters, really?!
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- Course. They're my favourite band. - What's your favourite album?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07I think...it would have to be...
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- their last one.- Me, too.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13OK, cool, so I'll meet you tomorrow outside The Arena.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14One o'clock?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I can't believe you got a ticket. I thought they'd sold out weeks ago.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30HE SIGHS
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Why do no girls ever want to go out with me?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Do you want a full explanation or just the edited highlights?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Move it, Harry Potter!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Me glasses! They're broken.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45What am I going to do?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I'm supposed to referee a chip fight later.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Chillax, Goober. I know someone who can fix them.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Thanks, Amber!
0:02:55 > 0:02:56This is Amber, innit?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I've got no marking this evening. How do you fancy helping
0:03:04 > 0:03:06your old dad do a jigsaw puzzle?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Bog off! I'm your son.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I'm not your mate.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11If you're lonely...
0:03:12 > 0:03:13..get a dog.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Oh, touche!
0:03:16 > 0:03:17That's my boy.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Always ready with the witty one-liner.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22In that respect, you are very much like your mother.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27They're busted.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30He knows that, you spoon!
0:03:30 > 0:03:31What are you going to do about it?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- This...- Oi, Rogers. I thought I told you to mop up that sick
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- in the showers.- I already did it. - Some of it must have bubbled back up
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- the plughole. - Hello, Mr Nunn!- Who's that?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Eugh. I don't like it. His eyes are too small.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Now, come on, I've got these Year 10s next and they pong like
0:03:50 > 0:03:51a barnful of goats.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54But what about my glasses?
0:03:55 > 0:03:56I'll do it later.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- How am I supposed to see where I'm going?- Come on.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Ooh, I could get used to this.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Crispin.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I do hope you don't think I'm intruding,
0:04:12 > 0:04:16but there's a single parent group meeting in the hall at lunchtime.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18The Broken Biscuits.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21And they are looking for new members, so...
0:04:21 > 0:04:22I suggested you.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26That's very kind of you, but CJ and I are getting on.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37He's such a practical joker.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Of course, it's more for their sake, really.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45They are terribly mum-heavy.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I know that they'd just love to have a dad join them.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Someone manly, capable,
0:04:52 > 0:04:54to give the ladies a bit of support.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Well, I suppose I could... - Excellent!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59One o'clock, in the hall.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Oh, and Crispin...
0:05:02 > 0:05:03..there's no shame...
0:05:04 > 0:05:05..in asking for help.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13And I was like, "Lady, is it hot in here or is that microwave
0:05:13 > 0:05:16"leaking dangerous levels of radiation?"
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Darnesh, we're up here.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Oh. I wondered why you weren't telling me to shut up, like normal.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I told you we shouldn't have left him in the lunch queue by himself.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28That's where you're wrong.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Cos I asked out by a stunning lass, by the chips.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- She asked me on a date. - Who is this mystery woman?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- I don't know.- You don't know who asked you out?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I can't see, can I?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42But I'll find out at Chickentastic tomorrow at three.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Chickentastic?!
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't want any other lonely, single ladies
0:05:48 > 0:05:49getting any ideas.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- I've got them.- What?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Splutters' gig. All ages show tomorrow afternoon.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- You can always trust your old pal Eli.- How?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04I called in some favours. I'm, kind of a big deal in showbiz now.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08The other day, I rubbed shoulders with the lead singer from
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- The Kryptonites, while I was having a widdle.- Better not be hoaxing me.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Me? When have I ever let you down?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18So, how did you find it?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Well, I must say, I had my doubts,
0:06:20 > 0:06:22but it's been wonderful to meet everyone.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Parenthood can be so very lonely.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29- Hello!- Ah, Mr Nunn. Everything all right?- It is now.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31What are you up to, you cheeky devil?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Erm...Broken Biscuits. A single parent support group.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Lovely bunch of girls.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Bye, Sharon. See you tomorrow.- Bye!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- When's the next meeting?- Tomorrow. We're going crazy golfing.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Well, strap yourself in, cos now you've got competition from someone
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- who knows his way around a bunker. - I'm sorry...it's parents only.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53If you haven't got a child, you can't come.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00You want ME to pretend to be your son?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03You know, for a dork, you're pretty slow to catch on.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04But I've got Scouts tomorrow.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I'm meant to be doing my fire safety badge.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Listen, Garland, you can either come crazy golfing with me
0:07:09 > 0:07:11or I'm making you prop forward for the rugby team.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14You'll be like a bruise, with hair.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18# Feel like I've been bamboozled
0:07:18 > 0:07:20# By Mr Nunn, what a rude dude
0:07:20 > 0:07:22# And now he wants me to be his son
0:07:22 > 0:07:23# He'll make me run until I puke
0:07:23 > 0:07:26# Make me build muscles against my will
0:07:26 > 0:07:28# He'll have me doing push-up drills
0:07:28 > 0:07:31# Arm wrestles and other ghastly things of that nature
0:07:31 > 0:07:33# Sweating in the heat from manual labour
0:07:33 > 0:07:35# Worse than ever is an understatement
0:07:35 > 0:07:37# I'm underrated Handsome, gracious
0:07:37 > 0:07:40# Still untaken Don't know how kids do independent
0:07:40 > 0:07:43# See those gremlins in PE lessons Last thing I want is one at home
0:07:43 > 0:07:46# But I wouldn't mind a lass to call my own
0:07:46 > 0:07:48# But women these days are a bit of a joke
0:07:48 > 0:07:50# They don't want a man that hunts wild buffalo
0:07:50 > 0:07:53# Tussles with lions and fights in wars, in drawstring shorts
0:07:53 > 0:07:56# With a slice of pizza and a joypad, fighting off minotaurs
0:07:56 > 0:07:58# All from the comfort of my own sofa
0:07:58 > 0:08:02# They want a kind and caring joker Not me, but I'll have to be
0:08:02 > 0:08:04# The world's best pretend dad in history
0:08:04 > 0:08:06# I'm a different breed A clever kid with a cool manner
0:08:06 > 0:08:08# Shame my dad's a spanner
0:08:08 > 0:08:10# What's he thinking? He's not my best mate
0:08:10 > 0:08:13# Sending me texts with slang to get me to like him more
0:08:13 > 0:08:15# He's still my dad I can't write him off
0:08:15 > 0:08:17# But there's no chance him playing crazy golf
0:08:17 > 0:08:19# He's got no idea what's going on.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21# What's going on? How are you, son?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24# Is he strange? No, you know how kids are these days
0:08:24 > 0:08:26# Blank you at breakfast Dislike hugs
0:08:26 > 0:08:28# Throw away the markings you did over summer
0:08:28 > 0:08:30# Leave a fake poo on your evening supper
0:08:30 > 0:08:32# Just a strange way of saying, "I love ya!"
0:08:32 > 0:08:35# A chillax, as father and son Will make him appreciate
0:08:35 > 0:08:36# What I've done
0:08:36 > 0:08:38# Me and my dad not a great match
0:08:38 > 0:08:40# Me and CJ, we're a right team!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42# Mr Nunn's the most worst-spec dad
0:08:42 > 0:08:45# Sons wish they had dads like me. #
0:08:46 > 0:08:48- So?- Do I have any choice?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Eh, no.- Then, yes.- Yes, Dad.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- Yes, Dad.- Terrific.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55See you tomorrow....Son.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Oi, Woggle, what were all that about?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03He's making me pretend to be his son, so he can take me down
0:09:03 > 0:09:05the crazy golf course and impress a bunch of women
0:09:05 > 0:09:06- he doesn't even know.- What time?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Tomorrow, after lunch.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11We're not doing anything tomorrow. We'll come.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Please don't.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14See you then, Doughnut!
0:09:19 > 0:09:20This is a living nightmare.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Thanks!
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Wait! Are you sure this is a good idea?
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Why?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Think about it. The girl you're smooching tomorrow
0:09:33 > 0:09:35has only seen you without your glasses.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38So? If she likes him, she'll like him with or without glasses on.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42I mean, she's obviously got pretty weird taste, anyway.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Yeah, but do you really want to risk it?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48This could be your only chance of a date...forever.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51You're right.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- Barefaced and lovely, it is. - Good decision.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Well, don't blame me when you trip over the tablecloth
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- and set the whole place on fire. - She's got a point.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- How am I going to see where I'm going?- We'll help you.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Oh, great - the perfect Saturday(!)
0:10:06 > 0:10:09You'll like it. There's loads of other kids with single parents.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11- You'll have loads in common. - No, I won't.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13They all got rid of their dad.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14I'm still stuck with mine.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Ha-ha!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Greetings, fellow Dad.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19What are you doing here?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Just spending some quality time with the beloved fruit of my lions.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Yes. What a treat.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Oh, they're terrible at this age, aren't they?- I hate you.
0:10:26 > 0:10:31- I hate you, Dad.- OK, Biscuiteers, everyone on the Biscuit Barrel Bus.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- This seat's taken. - He is such a card.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44He gets that from me.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Chocolate raisin?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I can't believe I'm really seeing The Splutters!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58The actual Splutters.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Sorry! I'm a bit over-excited.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Hi, I've got two tickets to see The Splutters.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15My best mate Eli said he'd leave them behind the counter.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22My boy wouldn't let me down.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24There's nothing here.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26I'm Nero Johnson and she's Polly Morgan.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Nero and Polly?
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry. We've been waiting for you.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Come right this way.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Two crazy guys loose on a crazy golf course.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51- What can go wrong? Am I right?- Don't touch me.- Sorry.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54First, I'll take a visit to the little boys' room. Nature calls.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- How old is he?- Eh, ten. 12.
0:11:59 > 0:12:0016?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- They grow up so fast!- They certainly do. Are you going to beat your dad
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- at golf today?- Eh...- No chance. I'm buff and he's a wimp.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12I think you'll find those guns skipped a generation, love.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Everybody off, so we can lock up your valuables.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17We don't want The Broken Biscuit Van getting broken into.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- The irony!- Actually, it's not irony. It's simply misfortune,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22which is very different, as any linguist will tell you.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Oi, shut it, son!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Careful. Mind the step.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- Where's your dad? - Oh...I dunno.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I...think he's gone in.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53BANGING
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I'm in here, in the toilet!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58And this...
0:12:58 > 0:12:59is the VIP area.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Did you hear that? We're VIPs!
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Course you are. You're hanging with me, innit?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11You can help yourself to any of the drinks or snacks.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Thank you!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Nero, how did you wangle this?!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20You know, I've got contacts.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Oi, oi, how's my boy?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Thank you so much, Eli! I owe you big time.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32De nada. I had a word with the band and they said yes, straightaway.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- How come?- You know how last year at the school dance,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38you thought Katy was dying and you were really nice to her,
0:13:38 > 0:13:42even though she's a total nightmare? Well, I thought, why not do the same
0:13:42 > 0:13:46thing? I told them Polly only had six weeks left to live.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- You told them Polly's dying? - Oh, and if anyone asks,
0:13:51 > 0:13:53she was bitten by a poisonous snake in Borneo.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54A snake?!
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Are you serious?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Well, you know what they say,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59if you're going to tell a lie, go for a big one.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Anyway, I'll catch you later. I've got to bleach the backstage bogs!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Showbiz, eh?!
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Oh, dear!
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Right, Son, ready for a fun day of healthy father-son bonding?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21(You muck this up and I will destroy you!)
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- Why are you here?! - Enjoying the show!
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Oh, all right, thank you for turning up to witness my abject humiliation.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29CLICKING
0:14:31 > 0:14:33No, no, no, no, no! No photos.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- Having fun?- Yeah, it's good for Owen's confidence. He's quite weird.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40He gets that from his mum. It's not me. I'm normal.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43So, Scout, are you ready to tee off?
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Off you go, Spud Job.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Daddy's waiting!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49GIRLS GIGGLE
0:14:49 > 0:14:51CLICKING
0:14:59 > 0:15:01What are you doing?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Well, I've never played crazy golf before but I assume that the
0:15:04 > 0:15:07first step is to calculate the shot angle, perpendicular to the
0:15:07 > 0:15:08sides, relative to the hole.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09What?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Fluke, absolute fluke. Get out of the way.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Watch how a real man dunks it.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Eye of the Tiger Woods.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Oi, watch it!
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Not too bad. Maybe try just a bit less velocity on the swing.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43I don't need any tips from you, dweebo.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49He's a right little clever clogs, isn't he?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52You know, sometimes I wish I'd had him adopted.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Guys, I've got some good news.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01So I've spoken to the band and they'd really like to meet you.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03The Splutters want to meet us?!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Yeah.- Oh!- Ah!
0:16:06 > 0:16:10That is awesome. But are you sure there's time?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13They're probably mega busy spluttering or something.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15No, no, they're never too busy to meet fans.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Especially fans as brave as you.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I'll just go and see if they're ready.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22What does she mean, brave?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29# Oh, man I say what am I going to do?
0:16:29 > 0:16:33# I've got myself in a situation Now I look a fool
0:16:33 > 0:16:35# Oh, dang Oh, man
0:16:35 > 0:16:37# Front row tickets to her favourite band
0:16:37 > 0:16:39# Told her I'm a fan
0:16:39 > 0:16:41# How am I going to get out of this jam?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43# Do you know what I mean it's the best band of all
0:16:43 > 0:16:45# I've got all the pictures on my wall
0:16:45 > 0:16:48# And I can't believe the day's arrived
0:16:48 > 0:16:50# I get to meet them in real life Dream come true
0:16:50 > 0:16:54# Nero, has he gone from zero to hero?
0:16:54 > 0:16:55# I'm not sure yet
0:16:55 > 0:16:56# But I feel swell
0:16:56 > 0:16:58# Is Nero a hipster? Time will tell
0:16:58 > 0:17:00# I'm not a hero or a hipster
0:17:00 > 0:17:01# I look a conman or a trickster
0:17:01 > 0:17:04# The only reason we're at the gig's cos the big fat lie got told
0:17:04 > 0:17:08# To pull on the heartstrings of the band like guitar strings
0:17:08 > 0:17:09# Not the plan Am I dancing with death?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12# When Polly finds out she's supposedly dying
0:17:12 > 0:17:13# Yet I'll be the one totally dead
0:17:13 > 0:17:16# If you're going to tell a lie make it skyscraper sized
0:17:16 > 0:17:18# Cos no-one ever said no to supersized vibes
0:17:18 > 0:17:19# Nero should thank me for saving the day
0:17:19 > 0:17:22# He could have crashed and burned and wasted away
0:17:22 > 0:17:24# But thanks to my showbiz connections
0:17:24 > 0:17:26# He'll be hanging out with real legends
0:17:26 > 0:17:27# The Splutters will probably take him on tour
0:17:27 > 0:17:29# Bet he won't have time for his mates any more
0:17:29 > 0:17:31# Could I be wrong all along
0:17:31 > 0:17:34# Did I make an assumption about Nero Johnson?
0:17:34 > 0:17:38# Always in trouble, silly in class playing pranks with a funnel
0:17:38 > 0:17:40# He's not a stranger to writing lines
0:17:40 > 0:17:41# And he does the wrong thing all the time
0:17:41 > 0:17:45# But if he's cool to the Splutters posse, then he's cool enough for me
0:17:45 > 0:17:48# Polly, yikes, just look at her face
0:17:48 > 0:17:50# When her smile turns to tears I'll be a disgrace
0:17:50 > 0:17:52# So I can't tell the truth Eli's right
0:17:52 > 0:17:54# If you're going to tell a lie Tell a big one, right? #
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Polly?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59I was given these tickets
0:17:59 > 0:18:02because I saved the lead singer's dog from drowning.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Are you serious?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Yeah.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13I was just out walking, in the park, and I just saw him paddling
0:18:13 > 0:18:16in the lake, doing his little doggy screams.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Woo-woo-woo! Woo-woo!
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- Aww!- So I jumped in, I pulled him right out.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24I had to punch a swan.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Wow.- Yeah.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- Nero, that is brave.- I know.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33Just don't mention it in front of the band, OK?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35I don't want them to think I've been bragging.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- Guys, the Splutters are ready to meet you.- Yay!
0:18:44 > 0:18:49- Oh! That's your fault, you were distracting me!- No, I didn't.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50Yes, you were. You've been trying
0:18:50 > 0:18:53to make me look an idiot in front of all the fit mums.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55I think you're doing a good enough job of that yourself, Dad.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58SHE GIGGLES Oh, you think that's funny, do ya?
0:18:58 > 0:19:00You didn't even get a bogey on the last hole!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Maybe you should sit the rest of the game out.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Look, I'm sorry, all right? I didn't mean it.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09It's just...I've been feeling really sad since...
0:19:09 > 0:19:12since his mum died in a...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15a freak lighthouse accident.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18She got caught in a storm at sea and... Oh, whatever!
0:19:21 > 0:19:22You can carry on playing with us if you want?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Or do you want to sit with your dad?
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- Nah, I think I'll stick with you, thanks.- It's only your own dad!
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- I wish I could disown my dad. - Where is Ding Dong?
0:19:37 > 0:19:38- MUFFLED:- Hello!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Hello!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Guys, I've brought you some very special visitors.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Nero and Polly, meet the Splutters.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52SHE GIGGLES
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Sorry! I... I'm just so excited.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59We're, like, your biggest fans, aren't we, Nero?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Oh, yeah. We...love you guys.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05SHE GIGGLES
0:20:05 > 0:20:11Oh, sorry. I can't believe this is happening. I feel sick.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Oh, no, I'm sorry. Here, have some water.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22- This is the best day of my life. - Aww.- I mean it. Now I can die happy.
0:20:22 > 0:20:27- Bless.- Can we...take a photo? - Of course.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31CROWD CHANTS: Owen! Owen! Owen!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39CHEERING
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Congratulations, you've broken the course record.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Thanks and I'd like to dedicate this award to my wonderful dad.- Fix!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Wow. I'm going to put these on Instagram.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55All my friends are going to be so jealous.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58They told me I'd never make it.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Polly, you're the bravest, humblest person I've ever met.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Great story. Um, Polly, I think we should go.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07You know, leave you guys to zhush up your fringes.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- Come on.- Guys, sound check in two, yeah?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Wait! Here's a crazy idea.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Why don't you guys join us onstage
0:21:16 > 0:21:18and sing backing vocals on our first song?
0:21:18 > 0:21:23We'd love to, but, um, seriously, guys, Polly gets tired very,
0:21:23 > 0:21:27very quickly and I've got a little bit of a croak throat, so...
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- SHE SCOFFS - So what?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I'd love to do it. It'd be amazing.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Polly...you're an inspiration.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Thanks but, like I said, it was Nero, really.
0:21:40 > 0:21:45Can't believe he actually punched a swan to save...
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- OK, OK, I'll see you later. - See you. Bye, guys.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50So here's how you're going to play it.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54Your glasses are in your top pocket, but strictly for emergencies.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55We'll be sat up by the counter.
0:21:55 > 0:22:00- If you need any help, just give us a wink.- Like this?
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Maybe skip the wink.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12This is the worst idea I've ever heard - and I've heard
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Darnesh's idea for a TV quiz show for dogs.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18It's almost time for your date to turn up. Come on.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21# Ever since I took the spectacles off
0:22:21 > 0:22:23# The look of love is a detectable force
0:22:23 > 0:22:25# Look, I've even got smarter I use bigger words
0:22:25 > 0:22:27# Yeah, I walk into people
0:22:27 > 0:22:28# Tables and chairs
0:22:28 > 0:22:31# Everyone I've knocked over says this new look suits you
0:22:31 > 0:22:33# I replied, "Thanks a lot, whoever you are"
0:22:33 > 0:22:36# I can't see much but I can see a future
0:22:36 > 0:22:39# Of romance, roses and it looks super duper
0:22:39 > 0:22:43# The look of love is in his eyes, the look of love
0:22:43 > 0:22:45# I've got the look of love
0:22:45 > 0:22:49# And you might feel the fire of the look of love
0:22:49 > 0:22:53# The look of love is in his eyes, the look of love
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# I've got the look of love
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- # I've got the look of love - Of love
0:22:59 > 0:23:00# I've got the look, the look of love
0:23:00 > 0:23:02# I guess I just wasn't born with that cool gene
0:23:02 > 0:23:05# But since I've stopped me from being Mr Foolish
0:23:05 > 0:23:08# Super smooth, no glasses, Darnesh type of dude
0:23:08 > 0:23:10# Me chats are pretty lasting in the lunch queue
0:23:10 > 0:23:12# Wearing a suit with shiny lapels
0:23:12 > 0:23:14# No more dusty schoolwear if I want the girls
0:23:14 > 0:23:16# I've got the look
0:23:16 > 0:23:17# Of love
0:23:17 > 0:23:19# That makes me gorgeous
0:23:19 > 0:23:20# Ladies, sing the chorus
0:23:20 > 0:23:23# The look of love is in his eyes
0:23:23 > 0:23:25# The look of love
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# Of love
0:23:30 > 0:23:31# Of love
0:23:31 > 0:23:33# What an awesome vision of how life could be
0:23:33 > 0:23:36# I was blind as a bat but now I can see
0:23:36 > 0:23:39# I've got to keep these glasses tucked away if I want to give
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# The look of love to my date. #
0:23:41 > 0:23:43CLATTER
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Someone is coming.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47DOOR PINGS
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Evening, Milady. You look gorgeous.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Probably.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58What can I get you?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Would it be some of...?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Forget it. I'm just going to put my glasses back.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10BOTH SHRIEK
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Ingrid!- Harry Potter!
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Why did you ask me out?- Because I didn't recognise you looking normal.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20- Why did you say yeah?- Thought you were just a feisty blob.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- You better not tell anybody about this.- Believe me, I ain't going to.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- Oh!- Ah!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28DOOR PINGS
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Erm...girls!
0:24:33 > 0:24:36I might need some help getting home.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37BANGING
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Let me out!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40BANGING
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Let me out!
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Oh! Finally!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46It's so dark in there - and the smell...
0:24:46 > 0:24:49It's like bleach mixed with salami.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55You all right, Dad?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58One of those little hooligans locked me in the toilet. I don't know why
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I expected any better of the children of broken homes.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Oh, well.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06If it means anything, I had a really good day out.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Yeah, I've really enjoyed myself. Maybe we can do it again sometime?
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Perhaps you could come home to tea with us tonight,
0:25:19 > 0:25:20if your dad doesn't mind.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Where is he?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I need to close up now.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Wait, wait, I'm telling you, I can get a hole-in-one.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Just give me a chance, I can do it, I can do it! I'll prove it to you.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34CHEERING
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Thank you so much, Nero.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42I mean it. I'm going to remember this moment until the day I die.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Yeah. Look, if you don't want to go on...
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I totally understand.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55'Now I'd like to welcome onstage two guests...'
0:25:55 > 0:25:58CHEERING
0:25:58 > 0:26:00'..Poppy and Nero.'
0:26:00 > 0:26:02APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:26:07 > 0:26:10We're so pleased and honoured to have you here.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Polly is a very special girl, aren't you, Polly?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Because earlier this year she was bitten by
0:26:16 > 0:26:20a snake in Borneo and now she only has six weeks to live.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22What?! No, I never!
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- AUDIENCE GASPS - I never!
0:26:25 > 0:26:26AUDIENCE BOOS
0:26:26 > 0:26:27I never.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36You're sacked. You're banned from all Splutters' gigs forever.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39And you...
0:26:39 > 0:26:42I don't know what you are.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43You're a disgrace.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48- Thanks, Nero. Now my favourite band in the world hates me.- Polly.- No!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- Thanks, mate(!)- It's all right.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- I was being sarcastic. - Yeah, so am I.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02I do you a favour and this is how you repay me.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05I don't even know why I'm friends with you sometimes.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13By the way, could you lend me £2.50 for the bus?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15I left my wallet in that jacket.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18# Can't live with 'em
0:27:18 > 0:27:19# And you can't kick 'em out
0:27:19 > 0:27:20# When they're up they rub it in your face
0:27:20 > 0:27:21# Kick you when you're down
0:27:21 > 0:27:23# But what no-one understands them
0:27:23 > 0:27:24# You know what they're on about
0:27:24 > 0:27:25# Always gonna be around
0:27:25 > 0:27:26# Gotta find a common ground
0:27:26 > 0:27:30# If you know so much about me
0:27:30 > 0:27:31# Where do I go from here?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# If you see 'em every day
0:27:33 > 0:27:34# You can never get away
0:27:34 > 0:27:37# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #