0:00:06 > 0:00:09# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?
0:00:09 > 0:00:12# When it's just too much to handle?
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# You should stay It can change
0:00:20 > 0:00:22# There's good days and bad days
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop
0:00:26 > 0:00:28# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock
0:00:28 > 0:00:29# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# You can dance
0:00:36 > 0:00:38# You can jive
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# Having the time of your life
0:00:41 > 0:00:44# Ooh-ooh-ooh see doo, doo... #
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Sports day.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49# Digging the dancing queen. #
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Excuse me, but I've got some PROPER teaching to do.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57And there goes Bell, record-holder in the 100-metre sulk.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Where are the rest of these?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Ex-squeeze me?
0:01:03 > 0:01:05The medals, there aren't enough for everybody.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Yeah, that's because they're just for the winners, love.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12You're talking about rewarding a very small number of...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15physically blessed, overly confident individuals.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Yeah.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- Well, what about everybody else? - Now, steady on.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- I don't think...- Let's involve more than just the obvious athletes,
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- mix things up a bit.- It's too late to mix things up a bit.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- It's this afternoon.- You are a very capable teacher, Graham.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31You can do whatever you put your mind to.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Like giving some of our less able candidates the chance to compete.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Good.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49I had a dream last night that a big squirrel lived behind my wardrobe.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50What do you think it means?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52That we should hang out less.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Oh.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Steady on, sir.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Namby-pamby, new-fangled, liberal...
0:02:01 > 0:02:04If you weren't so scrawny, you wouldn't be knocked down as much.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Just saying.- I'm not scrawny. I'm lean.- Course you're scrawny.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09You've got the physique of a sick heron.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Congratulations.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16You're now competing at sports day, at the high jump.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18You what, sir? He can't jump!
0:02:18 > 0:02:22If I have to do this, I might as well have a laugh while I'm at it.
0:02:24 > 0:02:30Right, in high jump, say I average a speed of 2K per hour.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33That means max takeoff velocity is A...
0:02:33 > 0:02:35which means a back bend of...
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Owen.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Look, you don't want to do the high jump.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Just skive off.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Skive off?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48# Rules are in place for a reason
0:02:48 > 0:02:50# 'Tis the season to obey the teachers
0:02:50 > 0:02:52# That's all seasons
0:02:52 > 0:02:53# That's the way it is At least in my life
0:02:53 > 0:02:56# Someone in charge says to jump I say, "How high?"
0:02:56 > 0:02:58# Although I'm not the most sporting boy
0:02:58 > 0:03:00# I probably couldn't jump over a Matchbox toy
0:03:00 > 0:03:03# But none the less, Nunn said I must compete
0:03:03 > 0:03:05# So I better respect his authority
0:03:05 > 0:03:07# I have a problem that's all too high
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# I can't fix with division nor multiply
0:03:09 > 0:03:11# So, what's the conclusion?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13# Rack my brain Can't find a solution
0:03:13 > 0:03:14# Find a solution
0:03:14 > 0:03:17# Give me algebra, trigonometry or physics
0:03:17 > 0:03:19# Give me codes, riddles I'll solve them in five minutes
0:03:19 > 0:03:22# I'll work out the square root of any number required
0:03:22 > 0:03:24# Don't be surprised It's not rocket science
0:03:24 > 0:03:26# So why does my brain always turn to mush
0:03:26 > 0:03:29# When I have to jump, dance or do a cool look?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31# Mum always said I had two left feet
0:03:31 > 0:03:34# And playing by the rules still won't get me over the bar
0:03:34 > 0:03:36# Is Nero right?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38# Should I skive off or stay at home when it starts?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40# That goes against everything that I stand for
0:03:40 > 0:03:43# Ignoring the rules would be breaking the law
0:03:43 > 0:03:45# I have a problem that's all too high
0:03:45 > 0:03:47# I can't fix with division nor multiply
0:03:47 > 0:03:49# So what's the conclusion?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51# Rack my brain Can't find a solution
0:03:51 > 0:03:53# Find a solution
0:03:53 > 0:03:54# I have a problem that's way too tall
0:03:54 > 0:03:56# Can't spell it, solve it or count at all
0:03:56 > 0:03:58# So what's the conclusion?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01# Rack my brain Can't find a solution
0:04:01 > 0:04:02# Find a solution
0:04:02 > 0:04:04# When has Nero ever been right?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06# Looking back I just can't remember a time
0:04:06 > 0:04:09# But perhaps on this singular occasion
0:04:09 > 0:04:11# Skiving is the answer to my equation
0:04:11 > 0:04:13# And I feel awfully wrong for saying it
0:04:13 > 0:04:16# Should I do a skive dive or jump and fail it?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18# Both options will go wrong knowing my luck
0:04:18 > 0:04:22# But the time's up I think I've made my mind up. #
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I'm in.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28- No. No, I'm not. I'd just get caught.- Chill.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I'll write you a note. Easy.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Everything all right, Isaac? - No, it ain't.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Lizzie left me with all this stuff to do while she's off
0:04:42 > 0:04:44swanning about with her babies, innit?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Well, I don't think she's exactly swanning about.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48It's going to take me all day. Look.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Feed stick insects, take out old leaves, replace with new.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Well, that's quite straightforward.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Stick insects...
0:04:55 > 0:04:57look like sticks.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00So how do you figure out which sticks are insects
0:05:00 > 0:05:02and which sticks are sticks, eh?
0:05:03 > 0:05:08Possibly by starting with the actual stick insect tank
0:05:08 > 0:05:10and not the flower arrangement.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18My sister's boyfriend showed me
0:05:18 > 0:05:19a well good trick you can do with these.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Check it out. I'm eating a goldfish.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23THEY LAUGH
0:05:23 > 0:05:25That ain't how you do that trick.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28It's a fish. It's completely a fish.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30THEY LAUGH
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- I can do that SO much better. - Just leave it.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Do you reckon the kitchen will lend me a carrot?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Or you can go right ahead and escalate things.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44That always works out so well(!)
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Jones, Chowdhury, which one of you wants to do the long jump?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Tell you what, we'll make it three-legged. You can both do it.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Owen's got something for you, sir.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Your great-uncle's funeral?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Yes.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06This afternoon?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Yes. I should have said. I'm sorry.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10He forgot.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Blanked it out...
0:06:11 > 0:06:13what with all the grief and that.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20So I'm afraid it means I won't be able to compete in the high jump.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Fine. Have fun.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Just make sure you get a photo, yeah?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Pardon me?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29A photo of you - in front of the coffin.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Yeah...- I don't want anyone thinking they can fake a funeral
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- to get out of sports day. - A photo?- Yeah.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38And if you don't get one, I'll have you on toast. All right?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Oh, and that threat goes for your two little chums as well.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43You what now, sir?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Garland gets a photo or you all end up in a world of bother. All right?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Great!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Thanks, Owen.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53What are we going to do?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Yeah, lovely.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58And not a ridiculous amount of effort to go to
0:06:58 > 0:07:00for a lame trick at all.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's going to be proper jokes.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Trust me.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Wow! I'm starving!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I don't think I can wait until lunch.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Oh, sweet.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Come here, you.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27GASPING
0:07:28 > 0:07:30That's better.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Oh, my days. You just totally, like, ate a fish.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37No, it was a trick like you tried at break,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39but done proper.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Guys, I ate a carrot.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Yeah? Where's Bill the fish, then?
0:07:46 > 0:07:47In the tank.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Fish muncher! Fish muncher!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- CHANTING:- Fish muncher!
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Stop! Stop saying that! I didn't! I ate a carrot!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Fish muncher!- Shut up!
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Settle down. What's going on?
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Miss...
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Where's the goldfish?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Right.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Remove school goldfish from tank. Done.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Number nine - scrub tank and replace water.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Oh, what? You stay there, you.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28I don't know what happened to it.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Seriously? This is your best solution?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Gate-crashing a funeral?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Owen, all we've got to do is sneak in before it gets going and then
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- we're all off the hook with Nunn. - Yeah, I suppose.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47All right. Got the stuff. We're going to be mourning it right up.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Just had that lying around, did you?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Well, I was a vampire at Christmas.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- You mean Halloween?- No.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Yeah... Might go without the skirt I reckon.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Fine. If you want to stick out like a sore thumb...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16..you suit yourself.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Look. Just look. You can see the bit where I cut the fish out.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I see.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30You're saying the goldfish was somehow contained within the carrot?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33AMBER SIGHS
0:09:33 > 0:09:35No. I said it 100 times.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37There weren't no fish.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39It was a joke.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Oh, dear. Amber,
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I do worry that one day
0:09:44 > 0:09:48you won't find having eaten a living being
0:09:48 > 0:09:50quite as funny as you do now.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I ain't finding it funny now.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Well, there we are.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Progress.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01So...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03can you explain to us...
0:10:03 > 0:10:06why you wanted to eat the fish?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I didn't eat no fish.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14Perhaps the best thing is... call Amber's parents.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15No.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17No. All right.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Fine. I did eat the fish,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22and I'm proper sorry.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24OK. All sorted.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Now, find the coffin and get your photo. We'll keep a look out.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Actually, YOU'LL keep a lookout. I have to wee.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Hey, why do you always have to wee when we're doing something sketchy?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45It's well irksome.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47The heart wants what it wants, Nero.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Same for the bladder.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Dracula!
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Dark Lord.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Where have you been?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Flipping temp agencies.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Come with me now.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Nero?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24There's no coffin. Why is there no coffin?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- What kind of funeral is this? - Sh! Sh! Hi, Polly.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- What are you doing here? - What am I doing here?
0:11:34 > 0:11:38What I'm doing here is...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Yeah...
0:11:40 > 0:11:42# Getting caught in the funeral where
0:11:42 > 0:11:44# You don't even know the person that's dead
0:11:44 > 0:11:46# Could be embarrassing rather escape
0:11:46 > 0:11:48# Go back to school and join in a race
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# Can't you tell it's a problem if Polly finds out?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# Will be the end of whatever we had
0:11:52 > 0:11:55# What did you have? Nothing, but that's not the point
0:11:55 > 0:11:56# The point is I'll ruin my chances
0:11:56 > 0:11:58# If she finds out I'll just have to hide
0:11:58 > 0:12:00# Tallying up all the times that I lied
0:12:00 > 0:12:02# Like the time that her favourite band thought she was dying
0:12:02 > 0:12:04# I've blown it forever if she finds out why I am here
0:12:04 > 0:12:08# I've made my bed and I can't sleep
0:12:08 > 0:12:12# I've got to find my way free
0:12:12 > 0:12:17# I'm stuck in here and I can't leave
0:12:17 > 0:12:20# I have to lie my way free
0:12:20 > 0:12:23# If I talk my way out yeah, I can work it out
0:12:23 > 0:12:25# Yeah, I can work it out
0:12:25 > 0:12:27# Yeah, I can work it out
0:12:27 > 0:12:28# Yeah, I can work it out
0:12:28 > 0:12:30# Like the time I put glue in Bell's hair gel
0:12:30 > 0:12:32# Put a pin on his seat and said farewell
0:12:32 > 0:12:34# My alibi, I was helping out Goodman
0:12:34 > 0:12:36# He had to get his hair cut by a woodsman
0:12:36 > 0:12:38# His hands would have been permanently stuck
0:12:38 > 0:12:40# If I pulled that one off then I should have this locked
0:12:40 > 0:12:42# Make up a story that doesn't sound dodgy
0:12:42 > 0:12:44# Yeah, there's still hope for Nero and Polly
0:12:44 > 0:12:46# If I talk my way out I've got all the tricks
0:12:46 > 0:12:48# I'm like a magician at this
0:12:48 > 0:12:50# Yeah, I can work it out I can cheat death, yo
0:12:50 > 0:12:52# Abracadabra Can't let the rest know
0:12:52 > 0:12:54# Think of a story Make it the best though
0:12:54 > 0:12:56# Don't want to ruin what could be so special
0:12:56 > 0:12:58# If I blow it with Polly she'll let go
0:12:58 > 0:13:00# So it's time for some magic Hey, presto
0:13:00 > 0:13:05# I made my bed and I can't sleep
0:13:05 > 0:13:08# I've got to find my way free
0:13:08 > 0:13:13# I'm stuck in here and I can't leave
0:13:13 > 0:13:15# I have to lie my way free. #
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Well, I'm here for you, of course.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25You know, I heard you lost your...
0:13:29 > 0:13:30..loved one.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32It's really sad.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Right, well, I'm just going to go and look for the...- OK, mate.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Great.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40So...
0:13:40 > 0:13:42how are you?
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Fine.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48It was my dad's uncle, so I never really knew him.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49I'm here for my dad, really.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Well, I'm here for you.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55This is really weird. You should go.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57No. Wait.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Look, maybe it IS weird.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04It's just, I've done so many stupid things to you this term.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Come on, Polly.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Messed up your volcano, ruined your concert.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Oh, yeah, gave you flea bites. - Skip to the point.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Right.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17I just wanted to make it up to you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18I wanted to be here.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21It's, er... It's coming now.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Well, you're here now.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29You may as well stay.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Well, is there anyone else I should know about?
0:14:37 > 0:14:38No.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Let's go and get a pew.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Fish and chips, please.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Budge up.- Oi, pusher!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54My mates saved me a space, innit?
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Fish and chips, please.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I managed to get Goodman and Higgins off my back. Smooth as.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Just need to shut up Ingrid now.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04It was her, there. She did it.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Look, it was like a fish like this just dangling in front of her.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Fish and chips, please.- None left.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18But if you didn't eat him, what really happened to Bill?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Don't know. Maybe he jumped out and got eaten by a bird.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Yeah, cos there's so many of them in the science block(!)
0:15:25 > 0:15:27All right.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Maybe he was just behind a rock or something, like snoozing.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Yeah.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Maybe he's been there all along
0:15:34 > 0:15:36and this is just a total fuss over nothing.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41No rock. Great.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44So here's the plan. I buy another goldfish.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48You're still hungry? You've just ate all them chips.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51No, not to eat.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53I didn't eat Bill.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- You two believe me, right? - Of course we believe you.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Nah, I think you ate him.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02But I don't care. You're my mate.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05So we get a rock, put it in there with the new fish,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08tell everyone it's Bill and he was just asleep behind the rock.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11That doesn't sound at all contrived(!)
0:16:11 > 0:16:13One of you will have to go and get it, though.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Don't want no-one seeing me and saying I got a replacement.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19I'll go.
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Don't want you eating another one.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Sports Day seems to have changed somewhat.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Yeah, well, it's still a special day all about sport, isn't it?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36You can't play netball with six goals, sir.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- Yeah, and we ain't playing with 14 people a side.- Shut it, Murphy.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41You must be so proud.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01In here!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06She accepted eating the fish,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10but she seemed to think a smile and an apology made it all better.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Yeah! That was an outrage, earlier!
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Her and her mates eating that fish, leaving me with nothing!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Amber's friends were involved?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23And you also wanted to eat the fish?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Well, yeah, me and everyone else.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27It's the only good thing about being here.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30That's why people jump the queue. You want to do something about it.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- They queue up to do it? - It's spreading.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42This is almost as bad as loom bands.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45# I see them bloom
0:17:45 > 0:17:48# For me and you
0:17:48 > 0:17:51# And I think to myself
0:17:53 > 0:17:56# What a wonderful world... #
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Keep it together, OK? We'll get the photo at the end.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Yeah, at the end, when they're all gone.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05When it's just us and the coffin.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07It'll be easy. Easy.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10# And clouds of white
0:18:10 > 0:18:13# The bright blessed day
0:18:13 > 0:18:16# The dark sacred night
0:18:16 > 0:18:19# And I think to myself... #
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I love it when a plan comes together.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36It's black! Why is it black?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Evolution?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Darnesh, you were meant to get a goldfish. As in GOLD-fish!
0:18:42 > 0:18:47- Why's that, then?- Because it's a replacement for Bill. Remember Bill?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50I ain't going to forget the fish you ate, Amber!
0:18:50 > 0:18:53A, I didn't eat him,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56and B, remember how he was GOLD?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- Like that one?- What?!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Ha! I told you! I told you I didn't eat him!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05BELL RINGS
0:19:07 > 0:19:09And the rational explanation for this is...
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Ah, who cares? Everything's back to normal.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15SHE SIGHS
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Let's just get out of here, get to Sports Day.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Hang on, guys.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- Why?- I want my fiver back.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39Sports Day will commence in T-minus two minutes, people!
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Repeat, two minutes!
0:19:43 > 0:19:50Right, 7C, let me see. Ah, lovely, weight lifting in the gym.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Get three on each end and heave!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59You all right, love? Come to check I've mixed things up a bit?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I think you'll be pleased.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04What now?
0:20:07 > 0:20:12I'm really sorry that we have had to cancel Sports Day.
0:20:12 > 0:20:18I'm sure you'll all agree that it is a small sacrifice if we can
0:20:18 > 0:20:22stop people eating the school pets.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29We'll now break into discussion groups.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33Group one, Sophie Casey, Ben Croft, Polly Morgan...
0:20:33 > 0:20:38Oh, actually, Polly Morgan's absent this afternoon. She gave me a note.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- Funeral.- Hang on a minute, she's not at a funeral, she's skiving!
0:20:42 > 0:20:47- Just like Garland and his pretend dead uncle!- Oh, no, no, no, no!
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Polly Morgan is an exemplary pupil.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57# Today was my day, Sports Day, should've been a fun day
0:20:57 > 0:20:58# Doing it the Nunn way
0:20:58 > 0:21:00# Cos when it comes to sports I'm the King
0:21:00 > 0:21:03# The head honcho The sports captain
0:21:03 > 0:21:05# If I'm the King, you should do as I say
0:21:05 > 0:21:08# Make the whole school hop around on a Thursday
0:21:08 > 0:21:10# But no! Goodman doesn't quite get it
0:21:10 > 0:21:13# The idea's to win if you take part in it
0:21:13 > 0:21:15# My big day turned hideous
0:21:15 > 0:21:18# I'm a sports icon not an idiot
0:21:18 > 0:21:20# So why am I getting treated like one?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22# Cancelling my day, ruin my fun
0:21:22 > 0:21:25# Yeah! My big day has been a big mess
0:21:25 > 0:21:28# I'm the Queen of jokes, the joke Princess
0:21:28 > 0:21:31# Why am I getting treated like a mug still?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33# I don't munch pets I eat lunch meals
0:21:33 > 0:21:35# It was a joke, just some fun, just a wind-up
0:21:35 > 0:21:38# I thought everyone would laugh till their sides hurt
0:21:38 > 0:21:40# But my prank completely backfired
0:21:40 > 0:21:42# They think I eat school pets on the quiet
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- GIRL SCREAMS - # Goodman thinks we all need therapy
0:21:45 > 0:21:47# I didn't eat no fish so what's she telling me?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50# I'm going to prove them all wrong, they'll see, when they watch Bill
0:21:50 > 0:21:52# Swimming round looking healthy
0:21:52 > 0:21:54# Yeah! I'm a giant, kids are under my shoe
0:21:54 > 0:21:57# I see all the games, they must think I'm a fool
0:21:57 > 0:22:00# I know a lie and I see right through
0:22:00 > 0:22:02# At a funeral? Oh, boo-hoo-hoo!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04# Sorry for your loss
0:22:04 > 0:22:06# Skipping school to play games and doss
0:22:06 > 0:22:08# I'll catch Morgan like a fish on a hook
0:22:08 > 0:22:10# Show the whole school I'm the boss
0:22:10 > 0:22:13# 1-0 to none, I'm on top
0:22:13 > 0:22:15# My big day turned hideous
0:22:15 > 0:22:17# My big day has been a big mess
0:22:17 > 0:22:19# I've got to fix it
0:22:19 > 0:22:22# Put things right, so they all see it's not what it looks like. #
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Miss, I actually never ate a fish! He's back in his tank.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32We must have not looked properly earlier.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34We totally looked properly.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Go and check it - Bill's back in there.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40You probably just bought an actual replacement fish.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42That'll be just like you.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Well, I just wanted to watch a three-legged long jump.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46- ALL:- Same.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Look, being totally honest, Miss, I did buy a replacement,
0:22:49 > 0:22:53but I ended up not needing it because Bill was just, like, back.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54He is! Go look!
0:22:54 > 0:22:59See, here's the fish I bought, but I didn't use it.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Is that a lunchbox? - Fish muncher!- No, no, no!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- ALL:- Fish muncher! Fish muncher! - No, I'm not!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- Fish muncher!- Shut up! - Why me?
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- ALL:- Fish muncher! Fish muncher! - No, stop!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- ALL:- Fish muncher! Fish muncher!
0:23:11 > 0:23:16..Supporting each other at this very difficult time.
0:23:16 > 0:23:22And so now we formally commit his body to the flames for cremation.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24You what?!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Flames what?!
0:23:28 > 0:23:32ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- No!- Shh! Polly's right there. - I don't care about Polly.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I care about Mr Nunn using my head as a football.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I need that photo!
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Job well done, especially you.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00You did well, lad. You surprised me.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Right, come on - to the van, we've got four more cremations
0:24:03 > 0:24:05and an entombment before sundown, and then home.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Get cracking in the back room -
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- those bodies won't embalm themselves.- Actually...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14A funny story...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Ahhh!
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Never mind.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27SHE SIGHS
0:24:27 > 0:24:31All that talk about you eating that fish has made me well hungry.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32I didn't eat no fish!
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Look, Vi, I should have listened to you on this one.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- I'm sorry.- Well...
0:24:41 > 0:24:44You've got to admit, though, my trick was better.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Yeah, you did really well.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52- Oi!- I mean, I was all, like, "Ah, I'm eating a stick insect!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55"I don't want to but I'm really hungry!"
0:24:55 > 0:24:59- No, Amber!- What?! - Amber!
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Oi! Stop eating them stick insects.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06No, it's not what looks like.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08You stick insect muncher!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I don't know how you can eat like that,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14we are in huge trouble with Nunn.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Yeah, but I figured silver lining and that -
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I'm well in there with Polly!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Anyway...
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Thanks for coming.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38It's nice...
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Weird...but nice.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Oh!
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- DOORBELL RINGS - I'll get it.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Do you have to?
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Mr Nunn?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Very clever - wearing black so if anyone comes round to check,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08you can say you've just got back from the funeral.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10I HAVE just come back from the funeral.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Pull the other one, love, it's got bells on!
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Big ones that go...
0:26:13 > 0:26:17# Dum-dum-dadum-dum-dadum dadum-dadum-dadum. #
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- Get your bag.- What?!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21You're coming with me back to school.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I'm not going anywhere with you.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- Dad! - With all the other mourners, is he?
0:26:26 > 0:26:31Hello! Polly's imaginary daddy, where are you?!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Can you come and have a chat, please?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for your loss.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Sorry for your loss. Sorry for your loss.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Garland!
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Oh... Well, hi.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Come on, you don't want to embarrass yourself again.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55What kind of a monster would turn up to a funeral where they
0:26:55 > 0:26:59didn't even know the deceased just to get out of sports day?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Yeah, right.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Sorry, Garland.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11Yeah, what sort of a monster WOULD turn up
0:27:11 > 0:27:13at a funeral just to get out of sports day?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17NEVER speak to me again!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Pork pie, brilliant!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26So what did I miss?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- # Can't live with them - Can't kick 'em out
0:27:33 > 0:27:34# When you're up they rub it in your face
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# Kick you when you're down
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- # But when no-one understands them - You know what they're on about
0:27:38 > 0:27:40- # Always gonna be around - Gotta find the common ground
0:27:40 > 0:27:45# If you know so much about me where do I go from here?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48- # If you see 'em every day - You can never get away
0:27:48 > 0:27:52# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #