0:00:02 > 0:00:04Right, go. Shoot me so I look really tall and imposing.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06- SHE LAUGHS - Stop laughing.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07Action.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15Welcome. My name...
0:00:15 > 0:00:18- CHILDREN LAUGH - Carlo, detention, you little...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20HE PERFORMS VOCAL EXERCISES
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Take two.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- HE CLEARS THROAT - Welcome.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26My name is Bell. Crispin Bell. And as head teacher...
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Former head teacher.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Former head teacher here at Elmsmere, today,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34I'll be showing you the caring and supportive environment that we can
0:00:34 > 0:00:37offer to your delightful children.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43What you'll find here are pupils enthusiastically working
0:00:43 > 0:00:45hand in hand with the staff.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48And like limpets superglued to the rock I like to call school,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50they don't give up easily.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Yay! Go, Team Elmsmere. Rah-rah!
0:00:55 > 0:00:58And I think I can say without fear of contradiction that the
0:00:58 > 0:01:01bond between pupil and staff here is so supportive, it's something...
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- Oh!- Oh, you ding-dong.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Let's just stand still from now on, OK? Can you manage that?
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Our staff and pupils work hard - myself, harder than any of them -
0:01:19 > 0:01:22to make sure Elmsmere is the very best it can be.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- We're a great team, wouldn't you agree?- Yeah.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I didn't know 'team' could mean a group of violently aggressive yobs
0:01:30 > 0:01:32who kick off all the time.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34GIRL LAUGHS And that's just the teachers.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Before we go any further, an important history lesson.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Good morning...
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Once there was Elmsbury,
0:01:44 > 0:01:48a cutting-edge academy with a dynamic young headmaster that had to
0:01:48 > 0:01:51close due to regrettable events beyond my control.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52CROWD GASPS
0:01:52 > 0:01:53ALARM BELLS RING
0:01:53 > 0:01:54SIRENS WAIL IN THE DISTANCE
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Uh, do you mean when Mr Harris burnt it down after that party?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Maybe we used too many candles? - You weren't invited, sir.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03You must have been pretty gutted.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Moving on.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I then embraced the challenge of
0:02:06 > 0:02:08bringing the Elmsbury ethos to Fowlmere...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- Oi!- Get off your bike. - Wondering where to park your bike?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Go back to Elmsbury. There's loads of space there.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18..a lively local school that welcomed us following the closure.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Don't worry, Ash. We'll look after you.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22What makes you think I'm scared of that lot?
0:02:22 > 0:02:23- GIRLS:- Hey, Elmsbury!
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Egg! Oh!
0:02:24 > 0:02:25THEY LAUGH
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Merging the two schools together was a test I think
0:02:28 > 0:02:30we all passed very successfully.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35Myself maybe marginally more than anyone else.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40I'm well confused. I thought the merger was a right nightmare.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Sh!
0:02:41 > 0:02:42HE CLEARS THROAT
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Of course, before the merger,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47there had been some uncertainty amongst the staff.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48# Now we're out here
0:02:48 > 0:02:49# I'm afraid of Fowlmere
0:02:49 > 0:02:51# I'm afraid of Fowlmere
0:02:51 > 0:02:52# I'm afraid of Fowlmere
0:02:52 > 0:02:55# OK, let me get a grip, I can do this
0:02:55 > 0:02:56# I've got the experience
0:02:56 > 0:02:58# Here's my chance to prove it
0:02:58 > 0:02:59# I can handle Fowlmere
0:02:59 > 0:03:01# So what if it's derelict?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04# If I get a bit of stick, I'm gonna have to get in it
0:03:04 > 0:03:07# I've run the 4 O'Clock Club, it wasn't easy
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# And I've been head-to-head with Zoe-Marie, believe me
0:03:09 > 0:03:12# Yes, I heard the kids eat teachers for dinner
0:03:12 > 0:03:13# But I am Dexter Harris
0:03:13 > 0:03:15# I'm a winner, yes, winner
0:03:15 > 0:03:16# Winning?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18# Please, who are you kidding?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21# They'll pull you limb from limb and that is only the beginning
0:03:21 > 0:03:24# Cos you're weak, pathetic, you might as well forget it
0:03:24 > 0:03:26# You're gonna end up crying in the cupboard, you'll regret it
0:03:26 > 0:03:29# And that's only if you don't get hospitalised
0:03:29 > 0:03:33# By some falling tiles when the roof subsides
0:03:33 > 0:03:35# You'll be flushed away before you've even arrived
0:03:35 > 0:03:38# You're a loser and losers get eaten alive. #
0:03:38 > 0:03:40HE SCREAMS
0:03:40 > 0:03:44In the past, there had been some minor friction between the students,
0:03:44 > 0:03:45but nothing serious.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Nice one, sir.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51And you said he wouldn't know a joke if it bit him on the...
0:03:53 > 0:03:59Oh. You're not joking. Yeah, minor friction. Nothing serious.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- Where do you think you're going? - To school.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04You know the big grey building full of classrooms and...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Which school?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- Elmsbury.- Oh, take a look at the posh kids, boys.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11"Oh, we go to Elmsbury.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13"Mummy and Daddy take us to school in golden chariots
0:04:13 > 0:04:14"pulled by peacocks."
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- Yeah, because Elmsbury is so nice. - We go to Fowlmere.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Do you know what's nice about Fowlmere?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23The lovely students who would never beat anyone up?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Nothing is nice about Fowlmere.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Let's show them how nice we can't be, boys.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Hey, look at that big thing over there.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32That doesn't work in real life, you idiot!
0:04:32 > 0:04:33This does.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Ahh!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- MR BELL:- But once the two sides got to know each other,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40we were soon all just like one big, happy family.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41- Ohhh... - FLIES BUZZING
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Oh, you got a locker bully. - Yeah, with rotten feet.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52- Oi! Elmsbury! Get off!- Hi. I'm Josh.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Oh, Josh. Spiffing.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- What you doing in my locker? - Hey, it's my locker too, man.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01No, no, no. It's mine. It's got my name on it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- What, Wazzock?- No, Isaac. - What, Isaac Wazzock?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10N... No. Shut up!
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Ooh, and then we got that rubbish statue. Ain't that right, sir?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Our team spirit and togetherness was worth cherishing
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and celebrating in art.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21And no, the statue wasn't rubbish.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23It so was.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- Let me present...- Unity!- Unity!
0:05:33 > 0:05:34SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:05:36 > 0:05:39That is proper botched.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40A shame that the statue itself
0:05:40 > 0:05:43didn't survive a freak double decapitation.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48But the spirit it represented lives on.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51In fact, all across this school,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55largely thanks to my mostly unappreciated efforts, you'll find
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Elmsbury and Fowlmere students working together in close harmony.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02BOYS ARGUING
0:06:02 > 0:06:07- Is that some close harmony I can hear now, sir?- Cut.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11I mean, cut. I mean... Stop.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- No.- Give that back!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Come on. A chip for Ash. You've already had loads.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Yeah, because they're mine. Give it!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22You've got a fish finger,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25so you have that, I'll have this, we'll call it even.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29No. No. No. I want to eat the fish with the chip. They go together!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33I think I see. So...
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- You're saying they're a top combo, a dream team, right?- Yeah, yeah.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Like me and sport.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Er... No.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Oh! Ahh, ahh!
0:06:44 > 0:06:49- Just in time for some laps.- Laps? - Yeah. 20 of them.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52You know, get us warmed up for training later.
0:06:52 > 0:06:57- Tell you what, Ash, how about you do ours for us?- OK. 60 it is.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Come at me. Hit me with your best shot.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I will not feel it because I am Pad Man.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10- What's that on your head? - I don't know. Little helmet.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14No. All them sports would have been better off without you.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- Well, maybe when I joined wind band, then.- No.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20You've got what happens at wind band all wrong.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- They threw you out after five minutes.- It's their loss.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27I think I would have really added something to their performance,
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- you know.- Yeah, curry guffs.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31OK, then.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It's the delicious marriage of fish finger and chip,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35like when me and Nerdy Natalie
0:07:35 > 0:07:38joined forces to pick on the mighty maths army.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- Good old maths.- No!
0:07:41 > 0:07:45HE TAPS ON DESK
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Look, there are people out there playing football when...
0:07:51 > 0:07:54..they could be in here, you know. Doing maths.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00The big M.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04The science of numbers.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08So... How do you actually...
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Do you not understand the meaning of the word 'quiet'?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Er... Natalie, you forgot your...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Shhhh.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30OK. We've all got our books.
0:08:30 > 0:08:36Now we can start the test on page 76.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41So how does this team work, exactly?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Well, Natalie had provided the being good at maths bit
0:08:43 > 0:08:48and I chipped in with the expert copying skills. Boom.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- Pens down! That's it.- How did it go?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Easy as one, two...three.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Yeah. I knew that.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Ash Newman. You finished your test early.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07And you got... 97%.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11You're joking! My mum is never going to believe that.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13In a...in a good way.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16It's clear this class isn't stretching you enough.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21- I'm going to recommend you be moved to the top set.- You what? But...
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I mean, well, yeah. It's about time.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Good. I'll get the wheels in motion.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29You won't last five seconds.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33See, that's where you're wrong, my melon-headed friend.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34I've got a book with all the answers.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Living the dream. That's what I was doing.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Living like a monkey with its bum on fire.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41That's what you were doing.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Mr Barber is away today because of personal issues.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46HE COUGHS LOUDLY
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Divorce. All right? So I'll be taking maths.
0:09:50 > 0:09:56And you've got a brand-new class member, Ashley... Newman?
0:09:56 > 0:10:00That's right. Ash is in the place. Believe.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Shut it, Newman.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- You can work with Harlow. - Sir! No, sir.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Didn't realise I was a maths genius, hey, guys?- Pipe down!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You better not bring down my grade average.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Happy to take this one on my own, little lady.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20You see, I think in equations, you know.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25Long division. Could do that stood on my head. In French.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26It was going so well
0:10:26 > 0:10:30but what happened next was a tragedy for the world of maths.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Is there a problem?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Sir, you asked us to do the equations on page 360
0:10:35 > 0:10:38but there isn't a page 360.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Got the wrong textbook. We've finished that one.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44We've moved on to the red. Here.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Erm, sir...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Is it all right if I use the old one? It's just...
0:10:52 > 0:10:56I'm a very gifted student, you know, and I like to do my own thing.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Yeah, here's an idea. Do the work or do detention.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Hey, Natster.- No.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14How about you do the work in French standing on your head on your own?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17You and Nerdy Natalie were the worst double act ever.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I see. So you're saying that you eating this chip
0:11:20 > 0:11:25with your fish finger would be as bad as all of those combos?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- No.- You were, mate.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I am going to help you out here, OK?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Oh...
0:11:42 > 0:11:46You know what? Wasn't actually that bad.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- MR BELL:- Even for a nerveless professional like myself, it's
0:11:51 > 0:11:54a daunting responsibility to know that here at Team Elmsmere,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56we are nurturing the leaders of tomorrow.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Check out this new trick I invented.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Skateboarding with my finger up my nose.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Why has no-one else ever thought to do this?
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Everyone else just does ollies and kick things. Well boring.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- Dash and blast it.- I call it the nosyyyy!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21HE CRASHES
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- Problem?- I'm fine! I might just lay on the gravel for a bit.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Tell Uncle Nero.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28No. You won't be able to help.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31It's not about dance or getting into trouble. It's a real problem.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Shut up! That's not the only thing I can do. I'm the Emperor Nero.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39- Try me.- Well, it's my writer activity badge.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I've got to write 500 words about a role model
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I know with outstanding leadership qualities.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46What? That's well easy.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51- Come on, everyone.- There's Dexter. - Look, guys, I'm over here.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Am I invisible or something?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Maybe not.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- Come on!- Nunn?- Move it! - Have you lost your mind?
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- You're being chased by an angry farmer! He's got a stick!- All right.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I'm just getting warmed up. Keep your woggle on.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I'm not wearing my woggle. It's not Thursday.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16That's enough...erm...tricks for just now. I might just...
0:13:16 > 0:13:19..sit here and look cool for a bit.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Listen, I've got the perfect subject for you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23A true leader of men.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24I'm listening.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27I know you're finding the song challenging but I think
0:13:27 > 0:13:31if you run it through one last time as a team it will all come together.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Right, Miss Parkwood?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35SHE CHUCKLES
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Oh, you're being serious.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42- Yes.- No, definitely not.- Let's go. - I knew you couldn't help with this.
0:13:42 > 0:13:47Dexter just causes chaos. I suspect borderline personality disorder.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Will you stop shouting in my ear!?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50You're the one that's doing the shouting.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Oh, not Dexter, you plank.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56My cousin. Remember how we knocked that lame choir thing into shape?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57You could write about Josh.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- What's up, divots?- What are you doing here, king dropout?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04I'm sorry. Am I late? I was too busy doing some...
0:14:04 > 0:14:07# Vocal warm-ups. #
0:14:07 > 0:14:13You see, a choir is like a big speaker of people.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- Ain't that right, Dexter?- Kind of. - So Tweeters on this side.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Woofers over there. Ash, you got a good set of pipes, yeah?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22It's true. I'm a gifted man.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Well, maybe, you should stand at the back
0:14:24 > 0:14:26so you can really give it some welly. Yeah?
0:14:26 > 0:14:31Isaac, you need to sing in a higher key. And Eli...
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Eli, my main man.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Move your mouth up and down, open, close, like you're singing.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42But for me, don't let a sound come out.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Now, the rest of you, after three
0:14:44 > 0:14:47give me an a-wimoweh. One, two, three.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49# A-wimoweh. #
0:14:50 > 0:14:52That sounded proper good, that did.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56# A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh... #
0:14:56 > 0:14:57You have to admit it.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01The way Josh turned that whole thing around was well sick.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05# In the jungle, the mighty jungle
0:15:05 > 0:15:09# The lion sleeps tonight... #
0:15:09 > 0:15:13# In the jungle, the big jungle
0:15:13 > 0:15:17# The lion sleeps tonight... #
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I'm supposed to write about a role model with leadership qualities,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27not the raging egomaniac with control issues
0:15:27 > 0:15:29and no sense of boundaries.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- Bit harsh.- But true.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Remember Radio Elmsmere.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Agnes, message boards.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Isaac, I want you to do the weather. Eli, news. Ash, monkey news.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Owen, weird wiry hard stuff. Nero, tea boy.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46And J Carter, superstar DJ.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48What's going on, Elmsmere?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49It's your main boy, J Carter, coming live
0:15:49 > 0:15:53and exclusive from the J Carter Radio Show.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Text in to J Carter on the J Carter line, 47206.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Now we've got a banging chat coming up from none other than -
0:16:00 > 0:16:03and I love this kid, if I do say so myself - it's J Carter.
0:16:03 > 0:16:08- Didn't quite catch the name there. - Think he said it were J Carter.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11That wasn't leadership. That was just frightening.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16I'm sorry if you misunderstood but I ain't hosting no community mashup.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Well, that's fine by us.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22That's cute. So you think you can host a good show
0:16:22 > 0:16:25without the one guy who actually knows what he's doing?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31OK, think about it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35And when you do get your minds straight, call me. Yeah?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Something about microphones that turns your family into monsters.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40What? What are you chatting about?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Owen, get me those tracks ASAP, bro. Eli, get me some water, yeah?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Everyone, sh.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49OK, coming up, we've got some of your requests,
0:16:49 > 0:16:53but first we got the latest from your boy Dizzee Rascal.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Get, get, get, get, yeah!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56He might have gone mad with power.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Eli, where's the water, bro?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Fine. Find someone else to write about all by yourself.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03As it happens, I think I have.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- Sure you have.- I have.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07Ah, yes, I thought so.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10There is an alternative title for the writing badge.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13"Write about how power corrupts in 500 words or less using
0:17:13 > 0:17:16"examples from your personal experience."
0:17:16 > 0:17:18You're perfect.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20You're actually of some use. Weird.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24- Oh, ouch.- Shut up!
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Oh, Not you. I twanged my nose.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Do you think it'll go back to normal?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32- MR BELL:- Of course, it's not just the pupils
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I have inspired to work together.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38The level and quality of team spirit among the staff at Elmsmere is
0:17:38 > 0:17:40entirely my doing.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- Could you stop that? - I could, but I don't want to.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46- It's distracting.- So?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- What are you doing that's so important?- Leavers reports.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53Oh, pull the other one, Harris. No-one cares about leaver reports.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Year 11 have gone.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Just put "good riddance to eggy rubbish" in all of them
0:17:57 > 0:17:58and let's get down the dog.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- No. I'm doing these properly. - Oh, suit yourself.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Who's next? Josh Carter? Have fun with that one, mate.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12- Hey! Hey! No running! - Yeah, whatever.- Detention!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I think I might make a cup of tea first.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20There's a new sheriff in town. I'm in charge of 4 O'Clock Club now.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Pew, pew!
0:18:22 > 0:18:27- The man is a total hinge.- He actually thinks he's the boss of us.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Ah! Biscuits.
0:18:33 > 0:18:38- Josh, wait. Guess what. I got a us a gig.- What?!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40And we won't even have to travel. It's here at school tonight.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Are you crazy?
0:18:42 > 0:18:43I know it's a little bit soon
0:18:43 > 0:18:45but there's no need to be embarrassed of your songs.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- They're great.- It's not the songs I'm embarrassed about.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56So... Josh Carter's leaver report.
0:18:56 > 0:19:02Yeah. Here we go. No more delays.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06We're off. Now... Right now.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Oh, yeah. Um, Josh...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12..Carter.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- What?- You know what.- You look very athletic in those pants, sir.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Those were trunks. - Well, they look like pants.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32I can't believe you went on my laptop.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Oh, this was nothing to do with me, sir.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Josh Carter. Um...
0:19:39 > 0:19:43- Was a right stinking nuisance. - Was a pupil.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Look, the point is, I am the teacher here and I'm telling you.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- No, no, no. It's fine. I'll do it.- Good man.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- I'm going to need the bleach, though.- Good. Right.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- Hey!- Or could be I won't be needing it after all.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- HE LAUGHS - Hey! Hey!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Who was...um...
0:20:04 > 0:20:09- One of the worst excuses for a human being I ever taught.- Um, here.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11# I wanted them for breakfast
0:20:11 > 0:20:13# They went and had me for dinner
0:20:13 > 0:20:15# Battling with me There'll only be one winner
0:20:15 > 0:20:18# The first big test and I came up short
0:20:18 > 0:20:21# It's nothing but a game and I'm the king of this sport
0:20:21 > 0:20:23# Back to the drawing board to start again
0:20:23 > 0:20:26# Facts on the scoring board, ten out of ten
0:20:26 > 0:20:28# Cos I'm a true pro and he failed the teacher test
0:20:28 > 0:20:32# Now I have to go home with my tail between my legs, I guess
0:20:32 > 0:20:34# It's time to think of something new
0:20:34 > 0:20:36# The guy's a runner-up, a classic number two
0:20:36 > 0:20:39# Yep, I'll have to think of something new. #
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- That will do. Sorted. - SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Four o-flipping-clock. I'm out of here. Catch.
0:20:45 > 0:20:50- Oh! Ooh! You ruined it!- Unlucky.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59- Sir?- Go away now.- In a minute.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04- You know that spirit of togetherness thing?- Erm, yes.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09And the Elmsbury and Fowlmere living together in close harmony thing?
0:21:09 > 0:21:14- Yes, Alicia. I'm glad you were listening.- That's OK, sir.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Well, if all that's true,
0:21:15 > 0:21:18how come you and Mrs O'Brien made such a rubbish team?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Well, that's because the woman was a complete...
0:21:22 > 0:21:26..professional, and actually we made a perfect partnership.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Excuse me.
0:21:27 > 0:21:33- Crispin Bell. Head teacher.- I see. Aine O'Brien. Also head teacher.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Oh, yes. They said this would be a job share. For a time.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Well, until the governors decide,
0:21:38 > 0:21:42we'll just have to manage between the two of us.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Absolutely.- Let me show you where you'll be working.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Oh! This is most...acceptable.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Oh, I'm sorry. This is my office.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00You're next door.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I think it's important we have our own space.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18- I...- Good.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Now, whilst I'm here, perhaps we could talk about general standards
0:22:21 > 0:22:23of discipline.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I put a lot of work into my school
0:22:25 > 0:22:28and I don't want to see that undone by your pupils.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36But this is Fowlmere. It's the worst school in the country.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40- If anything, my lot will drive the standards up.- Really?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43With the likes of...
0:22:43 > 0:22:49..Josh Carter, Ashley Newman, Zoe-Marie Ingham, Agness Addo.
0:22:49 > 0:22:55Challenging students, of course. But not unmanageable.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Not with the right hand.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Even piranhas toe the line when the shark's in town.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Oh, right. Yeah.
0:23:04 > 0:23:11- I see. Great partnership.- Oh, shut up. Great partnership, my fat toe.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Without O'Brien, he'd have been head.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18He would be doing important things instead of this bobbins video.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20PHONE RINGS
0:23:24 > 0:23:30Hello? Hello? Yes. Yes.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Look, um...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Yes. Yeah, no. Everything's fine. Yeah.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Look, um... Look, ah... Let me call you back.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02"Meeting with Mrs Hussain. Parents' Association."
0:24:05 > 0:24:07# Oh, I see, I get it
0:24:07 > 0:24:09# She wants to be the only one who gets the credit
0:24:09 > 0:24:12# Cos if she's the only head and me, I can't contest it
0:24:12 > 0:24:15# I get all the crumbs and she gets all the best bits
0:24:15 > 0:24:17# Nice, big bench, big name on the stationery
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# Nice, big chair over there for assembly
0:24:20 > 0:24:22# Nice, big desk so nothing gets cluttered
0:24:22 > 0:24:25# Nice, big office, I'm in a cupboard! #
0:24:25 > 0:24:28This video is not bobbins.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31It establishes me as the face of this school. Isn't that important?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Come off it. It's not like you're on telly or anything.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Who's going to see it? Some year sixes and their mums?
0:24:38 > 0:24:43It is important. And I'm important. I am! I am!
0:24:43 > 0:24:45# If I'd imagined that I'd ever become
0:24:45 > 0:24:48# A co-head teacher, I'd have never begun
0:24:48 > 0:24:51# Two heads are never better than one
0:24:51 > 0:24:53# Two heads are never better than one
0:24:53 > 0:24:56# Next she'll be getting all the governors on her side
0:24:56 > 0:24:58# Put me on ice so she can take them for a ride
0:24:58 > 0:25:01# But I know how to fight and fix things well
0:25:01 > 0:25:04# She's underestimated Crispin Bell. #
0:25:04 > 0:25:09But if you're so important, how come you ended up getting demoted?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Something is clearly deeply wrong at Elmsmere,
0:25:12 > 0:25:17especially if this is what to expect from its highest achieving students.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18I hold you two responsible.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23- Don't make me leave. - We shan't be firing anyone.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Instead, we'll be introducing a new senior head teaching position to
0:25:27 > 0:25:30oversee the running of the school.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31So who is it going to be?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Would you like to come in?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Aine. Crispin.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49OK, you can go away now. Get Mr Nunn. Tell him to come here.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51That is important.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56And for your information, it wasn't a demotion!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59It was just a rebalancing of the workforce.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Recycling the creative talent.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09You what? Mr Bell wants me to stay late after school
0:26:09 > 0:26:13to be at his lamebrain ego project video nasty?
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- Yeah.- No way. I'm going down the dog. - He said it was important.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Oh, look, love. We don't need any more kids here.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22If it was a video designed to keep the little hooligans away,
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I'd be the first to sign up.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- But sir...- I'll pass, OK?- No!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Mr Bell said it was life or death.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33SHE CRACKS HER KNUCKLES
0:26:36 > 0:26:39It's a no-show from Mr Nunn.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Looks like I have to do everything myself.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:26:45 > 0:26:49How best to describe the team here at Elmsmere?
0:26:49 > 0:26:54Not just colleagues, not just teachers and pupils. No.
0:26:54 > 0:26:59The best word to describe us is friends. Join us.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02Yeah, that's it.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- Yeah, you're going to want to do that again.- Oh, really?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10And why is that, in your expert opinion?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Something that was happening in the back of shot.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Yeah, well, I'm sure it's fine. My performance was excellent.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Yeah, but, in the back...
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Quiet. Don't you know that sir knows best?
0:27:24 > 0:27:25"Sir knows best."
0:27:29 > 0:27:32How best to describe the team here at Elmsmere?
0:27:33 > 0:27:38Not just colleagues, not just teachers and pupils. No.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40The best way to describe us
0:27:40 > 0:27:43is friends. Join us.