0:00:01 > 0:00:04What do you think my motivation is for this one?
0:00:04 > 0:00:05Action!
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Welcome. My name is Mr...
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Oh, dear, Barlow.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17That's rather ruined your attempt to brain me, hasn't it?
0:00:17 > 0:00:18Ow!
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Detention! Everybody!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23HE BLOWS LIPS
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Take two.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Welcome. My name is Bell. Crispin Bell.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- And as headteacher... - Former headteacher.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34..former headteacher here at Elmsmere,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37today I'll be showing you the caring and supportive environment
0:00:37 > 0:00:40that we can offer to your...delightful children.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47Even in a forward-thinking school such as this one, it's crucial
0:00:47 > 0:00:51to maintain the more traditional values of order and discipline.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54You could say it's like the dorsal fin steering the killer shark
0:00:54 > 0:00:56I like to call school.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Snap, snap!
0:00:58 > 0:01:01And I think I can say without fear of contradiction that the
0:01:01 > 0:01:05bond between pupil and staff here is so supportive, something...
0:01:05 > 0:01:06HE GRUNTS
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Oh, no!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11It's OK. It's OK, it's just a flesh wound.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13You've cracked my blinking lens!
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Like a cat without a tail,
0:01:25 > 0:01:28no school can operate without strong discipline.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32And so I'd like to introduce a key figure here at Elmsmere.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37(Harris. Harris.)
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Hello!
0:01:39 > 0:01:42You know, you do get cats without tails, they're called Man...
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Shut up. Shut up.- Yes, OK.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48From day one, Mr Harris worked hard to earn my trust.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51You have all the tools you need now.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53So if you can't make your "4 O'Clock Club" behave,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56then you've only yourself to blame.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Ow!
0:01:59 > 0:02:00I expect results.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Even if sometimes he didn't achieve it.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- Molly, what are you doing? - I meant to get him.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Mud fight.- Cut that out, that's enough!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15'As the teacher in charge of detention,
0:02:15 > 0:02:19'Mr Harris is the front line of Elmsmere's discipline policy.'
0:02:21 > 0:02:23What is going on out here?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26THEY LAUGH
0:02:26 > 0:02:30'Although detention is, of course, always a last resort.'
0:02:30 > 0:02:32And detention.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33- Detention.- Detention.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35You lot, detention.
0:02:36 > 0:02:3825 seconds we've been here.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Yes! New record!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45So, Mr Harris. Tell us, how you do it?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Do what?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Cut!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53That was pathetic.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Shut up, Murphy. And detention.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59And, Mr Harris, didn't you read that script I sent you?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I've been busy, er, actually teaching
0:03:01 > 0:03:03instead of talking about teaching.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I did bring it along, though.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09This video is my chance!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11To re-establish myself as a force within this school.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I need you to deliver for me, Mr Harris!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Right. No change there, then.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Pardon?- Nothing.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20This is my first assembly of the merger.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I really want to make a good impression on...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24HE GASPS
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Mr Bell.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29STUDENTS LAUGH
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Get inside, Carter.- Yes, sir.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35And take your small cousin with you.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Small cousin?- Come on, tiny man.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Which ding-dong called me small?
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I hope you haven't forgotten Friday's assembly, Harris.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- No, I've got tonnes of ideas. - So I should hope.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48As a former Elmsbury teacher,
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I'm relying on you to make a good impression.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Don't make me regret it.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55So, Mr Harris?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Our approach to discipline here at Elmsmere
0:04:00 > 0:04:05is what I like to describe as...robust but fair.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- Over the years...- Over the years, Mr Harris has introduced a range of
0:04:09 > 0:04:12initiatives, usually after a casual chat with yours truly,
0:04:12 > 0:04:16to ensure the smooth running of the school.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20I want Elmsbury to be a safe and trusting environment for everyone.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Which is why we're also installing these security cameras.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Contribute during lessons
0:04:27 > 0:04:30and you can earn yourself stickers for great prizes.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Like this stylish good buddy hoodie.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36HE WOLF WHISTLES
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Christmas is cancelled.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40As are all celebrations of any kind.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43We feel it isn't worth risking offence by favouring any one
0:04:43 > 0:04:44festival over another.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I'm glad I'm not the one that's going to break the news to the kids.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Mr Harris, Mr Bell would like you to announce it to the students.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53STUDENTS BOOING
0:04:53 > 0:04:55And so, December at Elmsbury will be an ordinary month
0:04:55 > 0:04:58with no celebrations of any kind.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00No Christmas? This place is well evil.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01It's like a flipping damage factory.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Mr Harris.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Um...
0:05:08 > 0:05:09In your own words, if necessary.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Well, it's important to strike a balance.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Come down too tough and you risk creating resentment.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19# Dexter Harris No nickname required
0:05:19 > 0:05:21# Elmsbury just found a hit man for hire
0:05:21 > 0:05:24# School hero Tick that off my check list
0:05:24 > 0:05:27# 4 O'Clock Club I could eat that for breakfast
0:05:27 > 0:05:29# Andress and Bell They just wanna see
0:05:29 > 0:05:32# How good I am And how tough I can be
0:05:32 > 0:05:35# Hope the 4 O'Clock Club are good listeners
0:05:35 > 0:05:37# Dexter Harris, he takes no prisoners
0:05:37 > 0:05:39# Yep, it's time for something new
0:05:39 > 0:05:41# New, new, new... #
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Detention! Tonight, all of you.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- What?- If you don't like it, you can have detention tomorrow, too.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53We didn't do anything.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57What's that you say? You want a detention for the next three nights?
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- OK, you got it. - LAUGHING: You're in detention.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03And you can have detention for laughing at their bad luck.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05And an extra one for kicking a bin.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09You can't hand out detentions like they're sweets, mate.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Oh, yes, I can.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14And you can have another one for calling a teacher "mate."
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- It's not respectful.- All true.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Detention! And you for laughing.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22That's what, four, five for Josh and three for you?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25I'll have to tot them up and let you know tonight.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Although, of course, you'll agree it's crucial to let
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- the pupils know who's boss.- Uh, yeah.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31MURPHY LAUGHS
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Murphy! No tittering!
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Right, I'm going to turn tonight's 4 O'Clock Club into a war zone.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40A few well placed words in the right ears
0:06:40 > 0:06:42and then we'll see who's really in charge.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Agness, Agness, have you seen Zoe Marie?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Not since last session, why?
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Oh, it's just I heard that she, um, she kicked your little sister.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Twice.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58And so it begins.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02So Agness said I live in a tent, did she?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04What do I look like, a tent lord?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I'm going to turn her head into a tent and punch its door in.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Don't shoot the messenger here, but I heard Zoe Marie tell people
0:07:10 > 0:07:12that you said you want to be a prefect.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14What?! I'll crush her tiny pea-brain!
0:07:14 > 0:07:19And now, tell us how you deal with a potential disciplinary flash point.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Like say, two students having a fight.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Pray? Beg? Close my eyes and hope for the best?
0:07:24 > 0:07:25HE LAUGHS
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I try to remember what I like to call the three Cs -
0:07:30 > 0:07:33control, calmness and confidence.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Come on, you can do this. You're their worst nightmare.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39STUDENTS CHATTERING
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I've got a question.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43What's your worst nightmare?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Getting bitten by a camel.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46THEY LAUGH
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Not any more. Now it's me.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I want you to sit quietly and think about everything that led to you
0:07:51 > 0:07:53being here tonight.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Sit quietly AND think? Pff! Talk about multi-tasking.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Josh! Sh!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02You're late... Agness, isn't it?
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- Zoe Marie, why did you kick my sister?- I never.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You're the one telling everyone I live in a tent.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09I don't want people thinking I'm some dirty weirdo
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- who lives in a tent. - Here we go.- I never said that.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15OK, well, firstly, there's nothing wrong with living in a tent.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17But I don't live in a tent. Why are you saying I live in a tent?
0:08:17 > 0:08:20You live in a tent. You're a tent lord.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Sir, she kicked my sister. - I'll kick you in a minute.- Now then.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Violence is not the answer. As Martin Luther King said...
0:08:27 > 0:08:30OK, I'm afraid you're late as well.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Sir, Martin Luther King did not say that.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Why did you tell people I wanted to be a prefect?!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- I did not!- Yes, you did!
0:08:36 > 0:08:37THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I really think that's enough.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40CROWD: Fight, fight, fight....
0:08:40 > 0:08:42All of you behave. You are in detention.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44This is the best detention ever.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49They're about to have a fight because of you.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Scratching, slapping.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52I'm getting a better place.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Do something.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55OK, right, that's it.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58People! Detention's over.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- SHOUTING STOPS - Over?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Yeah, go on. Go home.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I suggest you have a good think about everything you've
0:09:06 > 0:09:08learnt tonight.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Sir, are you sure?- Home.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16The biggest thing, I think it's...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18To make sure that the punishment fits the crime?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- No.- To give them a short, sharp shock.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Well, no.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25To scare the little horrors so much that it puts them
0:09:25 > 0:09:29- back on the straight and narrow? - To keep a sense of perspective.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Agness, where's that homework?
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Actually, sir, could I have a quiet word?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- No, you can't!- Look, sir, you see, it's my mum.- I don't want to hear it.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40I've had enough of your excuses. All of you. Have you done it or not?
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- Well, detention for you, too. - Sir, you can't.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46And order is restored.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52I don't believe this. No homework and now out of school.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- I can't believe I gave you a chance. - BABY CRYING
0:09:55 > 0:09:56- But...- I don't want to hear it.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Back to school now.- But... - I'm not listening.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00- BABY CRYING - Yeah, see how you like it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03You've got to remember that even though they're challenging pupils,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- they're people, too. - BELL SNICKERS
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Oh. You're serious.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11The way I see it, kids aren't just bad for no reason.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Where were you? I told you not to leave him.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I was only gone for a minute.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17What would happen if someone had ran off with him?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- I've got to look after you, haven't I?- Sorry.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22There's often all sorts of things going on in the background that we,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24as teachers, don't know about.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26# I'm not the rules
0:10:26 > 0:10:27# I'm a fool
0:10:27 > 0:10:28# So focused on myself
0:10:28 > 0:10:30# That didn't see it all
0:10:30 > 0:10:33# There I am acting as the world's hardest teacher
0:10:33 > 0:10:37# She nearly left a baby unattended in the street, oh
0:10:37 > 0:10:39# Trying not to be a clown
0:10:39 > 0:10:40# Let a girl down
0:10:40 > 0:10:42# I'm a bigger clown now
0:10:42 > 0:10:45# With all that Agness has to do on her own
0:10:45 > 0:10:49# Can't even imagine what she's going through at home
0:10:49 > 0:10:51# Guess it puts it all in perspective
0:10:51 > 0:10:54# Now I know why she was being so overprotective
0:10:54 > 0:10:57# Suddenly I feel so selfish
0:10:57 > 0:11:01# Trying to help myself when there's a good girl helpless
0:11:01 > 0:11:03# Why did I never ask her before
0:11:03 > 0:11:06# Why she's always tired Hands rough from the chores
0:11:06 > 0:11:09# Maybe she thinks it's normal To me, it's totally crazy
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# She's just a baby who's taking care of a baby. #
0:11:12 > 0:11:15I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Agness.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17I'll get you some help, yeah?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19See if I can sort out some extra tuition on your reading.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I don't want people to think I'm stupid.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23No, come on, you're not stupid.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26What you've been doing for your mum is incredible.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Thank you, Mr Harris, for your doubtless well-meant
0:11:29 > 0:11:31but largely misguided views.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Rest assured, parents, that rules are rules,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37and those rules are enforced. Without exception.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40And cut!
0:11:40 > 0:11:42HE COUGHS
0:11:42 > 0:11:43You, girl, I'm parched.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46If you make me a cup of tea, I'll let you off that detention.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48SHE LAUGHS
0:11:48 > 0:11:49I said cut!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51BELL RINGS
0:11:52 > 0:11:54No, I don't want to hear your rules for dating.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Course you do. Just a few things to bear in mind
0:11:58 > 0:12:03and then you'll be a massive hit with the ladies. Like me.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Hello, gorgeous. How would you like to come to the disco with me?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- You know, as a date. - Um... I'll think about it.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Is that a no?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15How would you like to come to the disco with me? Like, as a date.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17How would you like to come to the disco with me?
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- You asked me already. - Uh, are we on?- I'll think about it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25- I said no.- I understand. You are embarrassed.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28You don't want to admit how little you know.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32But listen to me, Isaac, soon,
0:12:32 > 0:12:37women will find it's impossible to resist even...your charms.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- Can I bring my date up here, you know, for a decent view?- What date?
0:12:44 > 0:12:45That one.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- Brilliant, I knew one of you would come.- What?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Erm... Nothing, nothing.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- Do you want some juice? - Yeah, I love juice.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Great. It's just over here.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Erm, I'll see you there.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Have you come as my date?- Yeah.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16Hi!
0:13:18 > 0:13:22However, ignore what I'm about to say and you run
0:13:22 > 0:13:25the risk of your love life spiralling into chaos.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27So, this is nice.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Yeah, it's all right, isn't it? - Maybe we should hit the dance floor.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- Yeah, you know, get the mosh pit started.- I meant Natalie.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37- Oh, right. Sorry.- Is he always this stupid?- Who, Ash? Yeah.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42All right, I'm going.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43But you are the stupid one
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- if you think you can get a snog off of her.- Ash!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- What's he on about?- Oh, ignore him. He's just jealous.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50He would have loved to got that letter off you.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- What, the one about the kissing? - Yeah.- Well, he did.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I gave one to everyone.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- What?- It's the same rules for everyone, Ryan.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02No kissing in the fire lanes. Or anywhere else, ideally.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Sorry, I'm a bit confused.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- The letter you left with your bra in my cello case.- What?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09You didn't leave this letter?
0:14:09 > 0:14:13- No!- What about this? - No, I didn't!- Oh, right.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- So there is no chance of a snog, then?- Ryan!- Oh, go on.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- See, I've got this bet with Ash. - Forget it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22You'd be amazed how even the most sussed people
0:14:22 > 0:14:23can get it so, so wrong.
0:14:25 > 0:14:31- Hey, hey, hey, R to the C.- Hiya. - So, what are you up to?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Standing by my locker getting my books out.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34HE LAUGHS
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Funny. So, uh, thanks for the add.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43- What add?- Last night on Facebook.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Oh, YOU'RE J Hyphen.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Yeah, yeah...
0:14:47 > 0:14:49It's just a stage name, you know, so people don't bother me
0:14:49 > 0:14:50whilst I'm chillaxing.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Oh, I thought it was Neil from French.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57He's always making up stupid, fake profiles to wire me up.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- Right.- Not that your profile picture is stupid.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Although, you do look different.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Well, you know,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07when I'm outside of school, I just like to switch it up some times.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Like, that's my chilling face, like, um...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Right. Well, it's French now, so see you later.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Yeah, man, everything is totally fine. Sorted.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- We're meeting up after school tomorrow.- Mate, we heard every word.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26I don't understand, man, it just fell to pieces.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29OK. That were bad.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30It was worse than bad.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33It was like watching a hamster get run over by its own wheel.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38- I guess I'll see you at the ball tonight.- Yeah.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Come on, then. Who is she?
0:15:40 > 0:15:45- Who?- Your girlfriend?- Oh, she's not. I don't have one.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Oh, my gosh, you can't just totally bodge, you fibulator.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Ash already told us that he went to your house and you were like,
0:15:50 > 0:15:54"No, you can't come in because I'm with my girlfriend." So, dish.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57- What's her problem? - Is that your girlfriend?
0:15:57 > 0:15:58She's not anymore, is she?
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Thanks.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Ah, I don't know. You'd think Josh would learn.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07But that was your fault.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Hopeless, isn't he?
0:16:08 > 0:16:13Maybe we can, uh, catch up and talk music over a burger or something?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Sure. When's good?- I've got a gap in my schedule right now.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And could you bring one of your friends?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Preferably a sparkly one cos I do like them feisty.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25They're all busy tonight. Maybe another time.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Ash!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31That's what you do all the time, then.
0:16:31 > 0:16:37- I'm sorry?- Josh gets somewhere with Rachel and then you...mess it up.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Uh, hello? It wasn't me that invited her to that gig, was it?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Look, Mum, this is High Q, OK? THE High Q.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48It's the only UK show he's doing. The ticket sold out in days.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49It's going to be the gig of a lifetime.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Well, then I'm sure you'll get a good price for them, eh?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- I'll have them. - You're not going either.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Listen, you're not going to some huge arena concert on your own.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01That's final.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05I'm not going on my own, actually.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08I...
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- asked Rachel.- Ooh!
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Well, you'll have to un-ask her.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Listen, the only way that you're going to a concert
0:17:18 > 0:17:20is if you go with an adult.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23An adult? What adult, Mum?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25All set for a fun day's learning?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30SHE LAUGHS
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- No, no. No, no, come on.- What?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36So I'm going to a High Q gig with a teacher.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- How am I supposed to tell Rachel? - Maybe it's for the best.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- You always let her down anyway. - I do not.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43When you gave her a CD full of bum photos.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- And lured her into the box for that made-up radio show.- Yeah, but...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48And sang her that romantic song that set all the fire alarms off.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Yeah, all right, I get the point.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52But I'm not going to let her down this time.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Except you haven't got a ticket.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Yeah, she hasn't said yes yet, has she? A bit of luck, she'll be busy.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59She won't be busy. You'll let her down.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Guess who.- Listen, Josh, you know that gig you invited me to?
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- The thing is, I...- You can't go. That's fine, I understand.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- Maybe next...- No, no, I can go. But I have to be home by midnight.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- That'll be OK, won't it? - Yeah. Yeah, of course.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- You still want to go, yeah? - Well, yeah.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- Yeah, definitely.- He's definitely got the tickets, you know?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Everything is fine.- Thanks, mate.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23He messed it up all by himself. It was absolutely nothing to do with me?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26The biggest thing little Josh did wrong was
0:18:26 > 0:18:28he ignored Ash Newman's first rule of dating.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32All right, tell me.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37Never look as if you are about to throw up over your date.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Oh, what's the matter with you?
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I had one of those quiches yesterday and I think it gave me
0:18:43 > 0:18:44food poisoning.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Bleurghhh!
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- What's wrong?- Oh, nothing. - Really? You look awful.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Are you going to be OK to go out tonight?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Yeah, yeah, of course.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00(I'm just pretending.)
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- Pretending?- Yeah, to have a cold, but really he's got food poisoning.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- Josh, have you got food poisoning or flu or what?- Yeah, Josh.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09We'd love to hear.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- Or maybe you are just trying to get out of your date.- What? No!
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Look, I am ill. I have quiche poisoning. Bleurgh!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19But Josh was just pretending to be sick.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24Them's the rules. It doesn't matter how good your explanation is.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Girls get really funny
0:19:25 > 0:19:27if they think you are about to do a massive vom all over them.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Are you a loner? Cos if you are, then we can't go out, can we?
0:19:32 > 0:19:37Right, well, I am pretending and I am definitely not ill at all.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- Right, fine. Just trying to get out of the date, then.- No!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43What? No, wait...
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Rachel, no, wait. I was just...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Rachel!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- What?- Look, I really need to apologise to you.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52What is with you, Josh?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55You say you like me, but then you do all this weird stuff.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Look, me pretending that I was ill wasn't to get out of our date.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- It's just Nero, man.- I don't really care about Nero, Josh.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Just tell me this - are we definitely going out tonight?
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Well, the thing is... I ain't got you a ticket.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12What? Why did you invite me, then?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- Look, it's just my mum, man, she made me...- What?!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17She didn't make me invite you. I wanted to invite you.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20But you didn't give me a ticket?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Look, Rachel, this whole situation has just been a nightmare.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Right, I'm really sorry in me saying yes when you asked me
0:20:26 > 0:20:28out was such a nightmare.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Maybe you shouldn't do that again. Like, ever.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33- Oh, but...- Bye, Josh.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37So that's your big thing, then? Don't throw up on them?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I think I could've worked that one out myself.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Hang on, that's just rule one. We've only just begun.- No, I'm off.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46What about rule two - when not to guff on a date.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- These aren't proper rules.- Don't go.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Do you want to die single or do you want to learn something?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00When it comes to keeping order here at Elmsmere,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03you'll find that we employ several different approaches.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Mr Harris has a way of thinking that represents what might be called...
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Wet and pathetic.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Whereas you might say that our head of PE, Mr Nunn here,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- is more of a traditionalist. - Too right you might.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Now listen up, folks, and this is from the horse's flipping mouth,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20the first thing you do is run them ragged.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Excuse me...- Back off, ding-dong, this is my rodeo.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26The reason being is that even the most evil toerag can't get up
0:21:26 > 0:21:29to much when they've just done 70 laps of the rugby pitch.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- On your marks, get set... - BLOWS WHISTLE
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Come on! Put your back into it.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Yes, well done, Savanavich.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Second, you rely on what I call the three Ts - threats,
0:21:44 > 0:21:46terror and a truncheon.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Cut.- Although political correctness gone mad usually means number
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- three isn't worth the hassle. - Let's cut. Cut, cut, I said.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Right, is that me done?
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Thank you, ladies.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02That man is a complete toolkit.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Yeah... I know what you mean.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07I mean, detention!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Fair enough.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I heard you two got detention...again.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Might have.- What for?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Fighting in ICT. Nero always being wrong.- Wrong?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27As if. Think how big his beak would be.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Yeah, but there is only one of them versus, like, 400.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Oh, whoa, whoa, OK.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- What is going on?- We are arguing about who would win in a scrap.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- One horse-sized duck or... - 100 duck-sized horses.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44- You disrupted a lesson over something stupid like that?- It's not stupid.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49- Yes, it is. Now you are in trouble. - So? Big deal. He ain't normal.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51It's like he's not even a real boy.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57It's like he's some... Fun-hating robot on a woggle.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00Stop it! 'I'm not a robot!'
0:23:00 > 0:23:03We need to get to geography. Have you any idea how easy it is to
0:23:03 > 0:23:04choke on a chocolate chip?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06'I just don't like getting into trouble.'
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Garland, the bell has gone. Why aren't you in lessons?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Don't you care about getting your billionth detention
0:23:11 > 0:23:13for something totally ridiculous?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16No. I can handle detention. Obeying the rules is for losers.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Right, Eli?
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- Right?- Not always.- What?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Oh, yeah... That.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Oh.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32You mean that time I was meeting my dad.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37No, seriously? Come on, now. That was a one-off.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39You think they'll let me go early?
0:23:39 > 0:23:42I haven't seen my dad in ages. He won't want to miss me.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45You better not be googling anything distasteful though, Grant.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I'm not googling anything, square bear.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- I am tweeting a mug-treeing photograph.- Oh, sweet.- You can't!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51You're not old enough to use Twitter.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- That's illegal. - Give me a break, crime watch.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58- I'm confiscating this for your own safety.- Oi, man, give me that!
0:23:58 > 0:24:01A Scout has the courage to stand up for what he thinks is right.
0:24:01 > 0:24:06- Even if others laugh or threaten him. - Watch the TV!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09OOHS
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Congratulations, mate, you just got your demolition badge.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Ms O'Brien is coming!
0:24:22 > 0:24:23Who did this?!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29No-one feels like saying?
0:24:31 > 0:24:32Fine.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Then we'll sit here until somebody does.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Listen, you know how it is.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44When do I ever get to see my dad? Almost never.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I thought you two had gotten over all that.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- HE RAPS:- # Aah!
0:24:49 > 0:24:50# What, no, man, I can't be late
0:24:50 > 0:24:52# Or I'm going to miss my own personal Fathers' Day
0:24:52 > 0:24:55# I could jump out of the window or crawl across the floor
0:24:55 > 0:24:58# On my belly like a snake before I sneak out the door
0:24:58 > 0:25:00# Or maybe I could tell O'Brien who broke the TV
0:25:00 > 0:25:01# Just the truth, no lying
0:25:01 > 0:25:03# Ahh, but then I'd be a snitch
0:25:03 > 0:25:06# Which breaks the code of the true school rules list.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07# True school rules not the one from the head
0:25:07 > 0:25:09# But the ones we live by instead
0:25:09 > 0:25:12# Number one, obs, don't be a grass
0:25:12 > 0:25:14# Don't blame your mate when you break wind in class
0:25:14 > 0:25:16# If you've got a shiny crystal charm bracelet on your arm
0:25:16 > 0:25:18# That don't make you any better than me, Priscilla Barnes
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# Never leave school with your whole shirt clean
0:25:20 > 0:25:22# Don't use Twitter if you're under 13
0:25:22 > 0:25:24# The rest of the rules repeat what number one is
0:25:24 > 0:25:26ALL: # Never, ever, ever be a snitch
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# So that is not an option, I don't do spite
0:25:29 > 0:25:31# But O'Brien's got to let us go soon, man
0:25:31 > 0:25:33# Maybe she won't She can be really tight
0:25:33 > 0:25:35# I heard once she kept some kids in overnight
0:25:35 > 0:25:37# Right, if Eli and Owen won't use their voice to own up
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# Then I've only got one choice! #
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Miss...
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Eli and Owen did it. But they didn't mean to.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04They were... And then...
0:26:08 > 0:26:09It was an accident.
0:26:10 > 0:26:15You crossed the line, man. You never give the names, tiny man.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16- My dad...- Hm?
0:26:19 > 0:26:20My dad was coming over.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24I haven't seen him in ages and I didn't want to miss him, you know?
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- 'The shame.- You would have done the same if you were in my place.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31'Unlikely.'
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- All right, men? What's up? - Did you hear something, Eli?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35I thought I heard an annoying buzz.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38You grassed us up to the head, mate. That's what.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Yeah, OK, but you know why that was - cos my dad.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42It was really important, guys.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46Yeah, well, not getting grounded was pretty crucial to me, mate.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Pff.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49You know, I think the important thing is
0:26:49 > 0:26:51that we all came out of that still friends.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Right, guys?
0:26:52 > 0:26:56No. The important thing is that we learned rules on internet use
0:26:56 > 0:26:57are there for a reason.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01No. The important thing is that a giant duck would clearly trample
0:27:01 > 0:27:03all those tiny horses.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06BELL RINGS
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I like to think that the respect for rules Elmsmere students show
0:27:11 > 0:27:16is a lasting legacy that I left when I stepped aside, albeit temporarily,
0:27:16 > 0:27:20to give others to give a chance to challenge themselves.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Coming down the arcade?
0:27:22 > 0:27:27- No, got to do this. - It's gone four.- Oh, yeah!
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Hang on.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Where are you going?
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Sorry, sir, school is over. I get to go home.
0:27:36 > 0:27:37That's the rules.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40No, stop! Stop, come back.