0:00:02 > 0:00:05Oh, hang on, I might just need a dab of concealer...
0:00:05 > 0:00:07HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:00:08 > 0:00:12Oh. Actually, you know what, that's pretty perfect right there.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Action!
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Welcome. My name is Mr Bell.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27How do you like that, Barlow?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30HE LIP TRILLS
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Take two.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Welcome. My name is Bell. Crispin Bell.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39- And as head teacher... - Former head teacher.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41..former head teacher here at Elmsmere,
0:00:41 > 0:00:43today I'll be showing you the caring
0:00:43 > 0:00:46and supportive environment that we can offer to your...
0:00:46 > 0:00:48delightful children.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52We, the teachers, here are always seeking to feed our pupils'
0:00:52 > 0:00:55imaginations in a constant mission
0:00:55 > 0:00:57to expand their tiny brains.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01You could say we're the watering can refreshing the bonsai tree
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I like to call school.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Grow, little green shoots. Grow.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08And I think I can say without fear of contradiction
0:01:08 > 0:01:11that the bond between pupil and staff here is so supportive
0:01:11 > 0:01:14something very... Argh!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Gosh, you're like, a natural in front of the camera,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- aren't you, sir?- Thank you, Murphy.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20A natural disaster.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30And action.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35To me, Elmsmere is like a greenhouse.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37One with bells every 40 minutes
0:01:37 > 0:01:40and a cafeteria that serves tuna fritters on a Friday.
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Also rats.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48And, like any greenhouse, we encourage growth in all areas.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Although rest assured, if we see the wrong kind of growth...
0:01:53 > 0:01:55..we cut it back
0:01:55 > 0:01:56savagely.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Of course, this is a place where imagination has always been valued.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04How dare you burst in here like that!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I could have been doing anything.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Sir, it's urgent. You need to come.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12There's...there's been a...a...
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- A what?- It's Miss Andress, sir. - And what about her?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- She's had an accident. - Oh, is it serious?
0:02:18 > 0:02:23She's...she's lost...a leg, sir.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27'We're famous for encouraging creativity and storytelling skills.'
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Maybe, it was an animal, sir.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Are you saying an animal ate Miss Andress' leg?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35I don't know. She just had one leg less than last time I saw her.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36(Fewer.)
0:02:36 > 0:02:37One leg fewer.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41I don't get it. She's gone. We need to go and find her.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I'm starting to suspect
0:02:43 > 0:02:45that this whole thing MIGHT be a pack of lies.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Maybe, she crawled away.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48So, where is the blood?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Perhaps, the animal licked it up.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Perhaps, we should go and find out
0:02:53 > 0:02:55exactly why you're not in detention like you're supposed to be!
0:02:55 > 0:02:59'We enjoy pushing the younger pupils to think for themselves.'
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- What's the matter?- My bag. Josh Carter hid it in there.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Oh, did he?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06All right.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- HE BANGS DOOR - Hey!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15'We want our students to be able to imagine the impossible
0:03:15 > 0:03:17'and then make it happen...?'
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Your attention, everyone. The mayor.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23APPLAUSE AND CAMERA FLASHES
0:03:23 > 0:03:26It's with great honour that I proudly declare...
0:03:26 > 0:03:28He's rigged the sign.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32..the new Elmsbury Academy officially open.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40HE SCREAMS IN SLOW-MO
0:03:47 > 0:03:49What are you doing, man?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Get up!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Get off her! Carter, stop ruining everything.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58"Smelly bum arcade!"
0:03:58 > 0:04:00No photos.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03'Murphy! This isn't the right script. I didn't write this.'
0:04:03 > 0:04:05"Imagine the impossible?" What's all this twaddle?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Where's my bit about imagination being dangerous in the wrong hands?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11The new head rewrote it, sir.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I imagine it's pretty gutting, sir.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Being replaced with someone else cos you weren't good enough.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20All right, all right, all right.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Right, what's next?- We've got to interview some pupils
0:04:23 > 0:04:26and Miss Andress wants you to ask them these questions.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32OK. Go and get me some Year 11s.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36And not Newman or Rodgers.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Murphy! What did I say?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yeah, well, I imagined the impossible, sir.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43And I made it happen.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46OK. First, Newman.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Can you tell us how everyday life at Elmsmere encourages you
0:04:49 > 0:04:51to use your imagination?
0:04:51 > 0:04:52YES!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55What about when I solved the ever so tricky problem
0:04:55 > 0:04:59of locker security with the simple but brilliant use of pants?
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Pants.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- What is that?- Left a pair of wet pants in there end of term,
0:05:06 > 0:05:08you know, to deter thieves?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Idiot!
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Urrgh!
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Or when I came up with a very creative suggestion about staffing?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Do you know what would make a great head of year?
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Here it comes.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23A monkey.
0:05:23 > 0:05:29Or when I went on an unplanned but thoroughly enjoyable field trip.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Andress.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37Stay quiet, I think she saw us.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Quick.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- Ashley!- Get in!
0:05:55 > 0:05:58OK, OK, listen, listen, listen.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Right. I'm sorry I got you trapped in the back of an ice cream van
0:06:00 > 0:06:02and about the disco last year. And them girls,
0:06:02 > 0:06:06but think about the genius of where we are now.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07How is this genius?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Because of this.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Right. Next question.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24You know, sometimes it's frightening.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26My imagination is so out there.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29It's as though I've got a special gift.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Can you give it back?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Isaac, you would not be saying that
0:06:35 > 0:06:38if you'd seen The Attack of Mr Chimpy, Mutant Monkey.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Moving on. Next question.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- "Mr Chimpy?"- Oh!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Hey, Josh, have you seen the lens on this thing?
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Look, you could go in and you can go out
0:06:49 > 0:06:52and you can go in and you can go...
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Ash, you're kind of making me feel sick.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- Whoa, it's even better than I thought.- My dad got it for me.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I was thinking about making my first film.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01You know, I want to do something like The Dark Knight,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03moody and edgy.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Yeah, totally that,
0:07:05 > 0:07:07but with a mutant monkey that wants to eat everything.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11No, Ash, I want to establish myself as a serious director.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14What's more serious than people running and screaming
0:07:14 > 0:07:18torn between fear of the giant monkey
0:07:18 > 0:07:20and respect?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Monster monkey rap movie...
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Terrified kids fleeing from a giant gorilla.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Fear, screams,
0:07:30 > 0:07:35and an epic soundtrack by the rap meister J Carter. Yes.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Well, I've got the monkey.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40But where are you going to get thousands of screaming kids?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- BELL RINGS - This ain't the bell's whatsit,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46if it was, then all this is a practice thingy,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48but it ain't. This is well beyond happening.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- So, we're all going to die. - EVERYONE SCREAMS
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Remember, calm walking in single file!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Leaving with me.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Calm down. Stop running.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02OK, Ash, I believe you.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Mutant Monkey is a great idea. Now wrap it up before we get caught.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Chill out, Beverly. - Keep shooting, keep shooting.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I can feel the hits racking up.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- Ding-dong alert. - Jump in the crowd, merge.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Mr Chimpy!
0:08:17 > 0:08:21You three, my office now. Time for a friendly chat.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23It's not going to be a friendly chat
0:08:23 > 0:08:27cos even the way he says friendly is unfriendly.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Causing mass panic and the evacuation of the entire school
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- with a mangy, stuffed monkey...- Hey!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Mr Chimpy has feelings, you know?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36..isn't the best example.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37That's a bit judgmental.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39No, I don't think so.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Look, sir, I ain't excusing anything,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45but we didn't set off the alarm.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48See, we just seized the opportunity to record the events
0:08:48 > 0:08:51that unfolded for the benefit of others.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Oh, really?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- ON THE CAMERA:- All we got to do is set off the fire alarm.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Next question. Can either of you recall a time
0:09:04 > 0:09:08when you used your imagination to solve a practical problem?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10(Oh, good heavens.)
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Erm...
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Yeah.- Really?- Yeah.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- When Josh had that problem. - Oh, yeah.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Lent him a spare pair of pants, did you?- No.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22The other problem.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29An interview?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Oh, what!
0:09:32 > 0:09:33It were a proper nightmare.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- Josh's auntie wanting to come and work here.- It's like he was cursed.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41This place is so distressing. They never let you do anything.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Yeah, so imagine what it will be like when my auntie gets here.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- What?- Yeah, she's got an interview at 9.30
0:09:46 > 0:09:49and I need to think of a way to fudge it up. Any ideas?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51What about a fat bomb, you know?
0:09:51 > 0:09:56It's like a water bomb only fattier.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Hang on, that was my idea!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Stop trying to jack my mojo.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I mean, I thought of it. You messed it up.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Your auntie...splat, yeah?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10She is covered in lard.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12That is a bad interview technique.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Who wants to hire a greasy secretary? It's genius.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Right, she's coming. You doing this or what?
0:10:21 > 0:10:22OK, yeah. Let's do it.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Now!
0:10:35 > 0:10:38HE SCREAMS
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Argh! Eck!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- You greased up the egg, you dumbo. - You said, "Now."
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I said, "No."
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Everything would have been fine if you hadn't got all...
0:10:54 > 0:10:56creative.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Proving that too much imagination from a pupil is a dangerous thing.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Too right.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05BELL RINGS
0:11:05 > 0:11:08And then my patrol leader said I could do model aircraft-making
0:11:08 > 0:11:11for my creativity challenge, which was a massive relief.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Hold up, man, I need to tell Nero something.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Nero!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Owen is being well boring about Scouts. You have to shut him up.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- Charming.- All right.- Nice hat.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Cool, huh? It's Josh's.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29You borrowed your cousin's stuff.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32You've got to be careful there, mate, you know what he's capable of.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Josh Carter could do revenge for his creativity challenge.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38If he was a Scoutly loser, which he's not.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41HE RAPS: # Anybody got a double-crossing little cousin
0:11:41 > 0:11:44# Who you thought was cool but then you found out that he wasn't
0:11:44 > 0:11:47# Should have known the moment when he stepped into my home
0:11:47 > 0:11:50# And left his pants in every single spot except his own
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# But this is worse than using all my stuff without permission
0:11:52 > 0:11:56# Laptop, headphones, CDs missing
0:11:56 > 0:11:59# One time when he was in the bath for ages
0:11:59 > 0:12:01# Caught him using my toothbrush for cleaning off his trainers
0:12:01 > 0:12:05# What, he thinks it might be plain sailing at the top
0:12:05 > 0:12:07# Just because he tricked the school to give his mum a job
0:12:07 > 0:12:10# I know what it's like to have an elder on the staff
0:12:10 > 0:12:13# And when he realises that it's hell I'll have to laugh
0:12:13 > 0:12:16# But first I've got to make it hell and that I'll guarantee
0:12:16 > 0:12:17# Cos Nero may be smart
0:12:17 > 0:12:19# But he ain't half the man as me
0:12:19 > 0:12:20# Yo!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22# Maybe once he was a friend to me
0:12:22 > 0:12:26# Now he's my new best enemy
0:12:26 > 0:12:29# Maybe once he was a friend to me
0:12:29 > 0:12:32# Now he's my new best enemy
0:12:32 > 0:12:34# Maybe once he was a friend to me
0:12:34 > 0:12:38# Now he's my new best enemy. #
0:12:38 > 0:12:40- I've got to go, I'm late. - We've got plenty of time.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Yeah, but, erm I'm late for...earliness.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Maybe, he's a bit embarrassed. - Oh, of course, he ain't.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- He was telling me how lovely it would be to see more of you.- Oh!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53But he, erm, forgot his embroidery kit, though.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54- He does embroidery?- Yeah.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56And he's got textiles second period.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59It's a shame there's not like a convenient way to get it to him.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- I'll do it.- OK.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- He can see me then.- Super.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Nero, is that your mum?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12SHE MOUTHS
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Sorry.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Sorry. You forgot your embroidery kit.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Love you, darling. Love you.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28THEY SNICKER AND GIGGLE
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Chill. I can handle Josh. Always have done.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Garland, Grant, the bell has gone.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Why aren't you in lessons? Detention.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41And you, name? HE MUMBLES
0:13:41 > 0:13:43What? Right, fine.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Well, well, well.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50The famous Josh Carter.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Detention for you too.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Now get back to lessons!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- Thanks a lot, Josh. - Ain't my name, not even my jumper.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I'm only at this stupid school because my parents had a row.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03The second they get back together, I'm out of here.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Well, while you're here, you might want to stay out of trouble.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Or...
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- HE RAPS: - # Hey, today might not be all bad
0:14:13 > 0:14:15# Got a licence to kill when there is trouble to be had
0:14:15 > 0:14:17# I can roam alone, wreak havoc on the school
0:14:17 > 0:14:19# Or maybe with these two sidekicks
0:14:19 > 0:14:20# They seem cool
0:14:20 > 0:14:22# Well, maybe one of them
0:14:22 > 0:14:23# But I can run with them
0:14:23 > 0:14:25# Make the lame school day seem fun again
0:14:25 > 0:14:27# OK, I never wanted to be here
0:14:27 > 0:14:30# But now I'm here I might as well be menace of the year
0:14:30 > 0:14:32# Cos what have I got to lose
0:14:32 > 0:14:35# I'm not even Nero here I'm walking around in Josh's shoes
0:14:35 > 0:14:37# And really what's the worst they can do...expel me
0:14:37 > 0:14:40# Mate, I'm leaving anyway There's nothing you can tell me
0:14:40 > 0:14:42# No-one knows my real name Isn't that a real shame
0:14:42 > 0:14:45# Head teacher, listen up, you're about to feel pain
0:14:45 > 0:14:47# Raised hell Now I'm gone leave you speechless
0:14:47 > 0:14:50# And leave Josh to pick up the pieces. #
0:14:50 > 0:14:52THEY ARGUE INDISTINCTLY
0:14:52 > 0:14:54All right, cut it out!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56What's going on here?
0:14:56 > 0:15:00Never mind that, miss. The more important thing here is...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03how long do you reckon you could balance this on your head?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Two seconds. It's not that great, is it, miss?
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Your name is going on the detention list,
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Josh Carter, and it is never coming off.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Oh, yes!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Payback, good times.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Why did you do that?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Got you out of trouble, didn't it?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Yeah, but you are in detention.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30That's where you're wrong. I'm not, Josh Carter is.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Anyway, what's this creativity award you keep on chatting on about?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38What are you doing? He'd only just shut up about it.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Eli, not all of Owen's Scout stuff is boring.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Nero...I'm touched.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Well, the creativity challenge award
0:15:48 > 0:15:50is one of the 11 Scout Challenge Awards,
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- of which I already have my entrepreneur...- OK,
0:15:53 > 0:15:54and I was wrong.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56THEY LAUGH
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Fine. Mock.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01You two wouldn't know creativity if it bit you on the...
0:16:03 > 0:16:04..nether regions.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Erm, excuse me, we are very creative.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- Well full of ideas.- Like what?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Have you forgotten so soon the glory
0:16:14 > 0:16:18that was mug-treeing in the staff room?
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Epic!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Hang on. I reckon I can fit one more on.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32OK, everyone, if you can just grab some mugs and then come over here.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Quickly! We need to get out of here.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38If he could just...
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Isn't that Mr Bell's mug?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Ugh, get off. I'm not doing nothing with no cup with cooties all over it.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46LOUD CRASH
0:16:48 > 0:16:49We should go.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53THEY LAUGH
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- That was truly epic.- Yeah.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58We should all deserve a badge for that.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03Yeah, but unfortunately being an idiot isn't in the Scout Handbook.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04THEY LAUGH
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Like the moon revolves around the Earth,
0:17:10 > 0:17:14imagination certainly plays a part here at Elmsmere.
0:17:14 > 0:17:19As teachers, we find creative lesson plans and punishments and erm...
0:17:19 > 0:17:22and, erm... Ooh.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26I think we might just stick to less creative shots from now on.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29You certainly used your imagination the day you picked the prefects,
0:17:29 > 0:17:31didn't you, sir?
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Excuse me?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Everyone thought you completely lost the plot.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38In the Bible,
0:17:38 > 0:17:43Jesus had 12 disciples.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46In the film 12 Angry Men,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49there were 12 angry men.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Here at Elmsmere, we're going to have seven or eight prefects.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Couldn't actually get 12,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59but anyway, these are the names of the prefects.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Nero Johnson.- Whoo hoo!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15They've chosen you?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Eli Grant.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Yes!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- Agness Adoo.- Yay!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I'm sorry.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27There seems to be some kind of error on Mr Bell's part.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Really?- No.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- These...these are the prefects you've chosen?- Oh, yes.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34In that case, carry on.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Eleesha Rahaad.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Fleur Murphy.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Isaac Rodgers.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Ash Newman
0:18:48 > 0:18:52and finally Zoe-Marie Ingham.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I hadn't lost the plot.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I was just making a brave decision.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- FLEUR:- Yeah, sure you were, sir(!)
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I don't know, picking Zoe-Marie Ingham to be a prefect...
0:19:03 > 0:19:06now that is quite brave.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I'd like to say thanks to my friends and family apart from Small Eddie
0:19:09 > 0:19:12who lives next door cos he said I'd never amount to anything.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- What I'd say to him is... - Yes, yes, thank you, Zoe-Marie.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25It's true that there have been some disciplinary issues.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Kicking a raw chicken around canteen.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30But that's exactly why I wanted to make these kids my prefects.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32It is?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I wanted to give them a challenge, Tony.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37And more than that, I wanted to give them hope.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41I wanted to let them know that unlike some...
0:19:44 > 0:19:47..I haven't given up on them.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Sorry, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55And this list I found on your desk.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58That's nothing to do with the prefects then?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Absolutely not. No.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05If you'd excuse me, Tony, Mrs O'Brien.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I picked you two as well.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You should be thanking me for giving you the chance to prove
0:20:10 > 0:20:12that you weren't just irresponsible delinquents.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Come off it, sir. We know you just got the lists mixed up.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17How'd you know that?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20I mean...erm, what makes you say a silly thing like that?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Harris!- Mr Bell. Hey, great choice of prefects.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Are you trying be funny?- No, at first I thought it was all a mistake,
0:20:27 > 0:20:29but then I heard what you were saying...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Of course, it was a mistake! And it was all your fault too.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- Mine?- Your detention list got mixed up with the prefects list.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Oh...
0:20:38 > 0:20:41You are going to make sure that those degenerates
0:20:41 > 0:20:43behave like prefects are supposed to.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46If they mess up,
0:20:46 > 0:20:51someone is going to be in big trouble.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53When you say someone...
0:20:53 > 0:20:55You.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Anyway, do go on, sir. Didn't mean to interrupt.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Yeah, well, you did, so...
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Anyway, where was I?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Right.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Imaginative use of a resource such is that that you would find...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Although, to be honest,
0:21:13 > 0:21:15being a prefect wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20You're so right. It was a proper rubbish idea of Mr Bell's.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Argh!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I like the badges, but when do we get the handcuffs?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Don't be silly. They're not going to give us handcuffs.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29The most we're going to get is a Taser.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31OK, no-one is getting a Taser.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34What?
0:21:34 > 0:21:38You'd have thought there would be a few prefecty perks.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41But it were all work.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Keep walking.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- Like a chicken. - I'm not walking like a chicken.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48You have to, we are prefects.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51And you can't make people walk like chickens.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Well, what's the point then!?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55The honour. And you get a few little jobs to do.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Jobs?- Well, just a few little things at break time
0:21:58 > 0:22:02like supervising homework or litter patrol, checking the loos...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I ain't checking no loo jobs.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Stop people pushing in the tuck shop queue.- Yeah, but
0:22:06 > 0:22:09we're the ones doing the pushing in so how is that going to work? Duh!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Do you know what? I'm outta here. - ALL: Yeah!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- I bet this isn't even real gold. - Listen!
0:22:14 > 0:22:18Just hold on. Look, I was a prefect once.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- It's tough, but you get a lot out of it.- Like...?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23We got free pencils, a special tie,
0:22:23 > 0:22:28- a common room with a pool table and a radio in.- What room?
0:22:30 > 0:22:36# Is it one of those smart rooms full of widescreen TVs playing cartoons
0:22:36 > 0:22:38# And would it have like solid chocolate seating
0:22:38 > 0:22:40# So even when you're sitting on the chairs you could eat them
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# Bet a few ladies would come if I let them
0:22:43 > 0:22:46# Check my extensive monkey collection
0:22:46 > 0:22:48# The most fun you could have with a lad
0:22:48 > 0:22:51# Forget bachelor, this could be my Ashelor pad
0:22:51 > 0:22:53# Dark, damp dirt Leave all that behind
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# Better than every room in my flat combined
0:22:56 > 0:22:57# Proper, proper posh
0:22:57 > 0:22:59# Seeing is believing
0:22:59 > 0:23:00# Telly in the fireplace
0:23:00 > 0:23:01# Mirrors on the ceiling
0:23:01 > 0:23:04# Big paintings of me on the wall
0:23:04 > 0:23:06# Some butler called Jeeves in the hall
0:23:06 > 0:23:07# Gold-plated toilets
0:23:07 > 0:23:09# Jewels on the sink
0:23:09 > 0:23:12# And only the very, very finest orange drink
0:23:12 > 0:23:14# Picked a perfect palace for a pretty perfect princess
0:23:14 > 0:23:16# Or a queen like me, strictly VIP
0:23:16 > 0:23:19# Basically that's me, my Auntie Jean, my stylist Pierre
0:23:19 > 0:23:21# And a Ch-Chihuahua, Dennis Pierre, also does his hair
0:23:21 > 0:23:23# Yeah, there's teddy bears everywhere
0:23:23 > 0:23:25# Precious jewels are on the staircase
0:23:25 > 0:23:27# All the things these stupid kids'll never have at their place
0:23:27 > 0:23:30# Marshmallow pillows so sick and you know the best bit
0:23:30 > 0:23:33# Stinky, flipping chubby Turner, she ain't on the guest list
0:23:33 > 0:23:35# You can have anything under the sun and moon
0:23:35 > 0:23:38# Do what you want to do in our very own common room
0:23:38 > 0:23:41# In our very own common room
0:23:41 > 0:23:43# In our very own common room
0:23:43 > 0:23:45# You can have anything under the sun and moon
0:23:45 > 0:23:49# Do what you want to do in our very own common room
0:23:49 > 0:23:51# In our very own common room
0:23:52 > 0:23:54# In our very own common room. #
0:23:54 > 0:23:55The problem with that, though,
0:23:55 > 0:23:59was that Mr Harris had raised everyone's hopes up a bit too high.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02The muppet.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04It might not seem like much,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07but it's all yours.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Where's the pool table? Where's the radio?
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Yeah, this stinks.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Wait! If we all pull together, we can really make something of this place.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I'd like to make something of your face.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I would've thought you'd known better, sir.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27That's what happens when people's imaginations run away with them.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31Like when Sami Taylor had the idea he could eat that Christmas tree.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It ends in disappointment.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35And tinsely teeth.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43One of the few safe places where creativity is allowed to roam free,
0:24:43 > 0:24:45within carefully set limits,
0:24:45 > 0:24:47is Elmsmere's beloved school assemblies.
0:24:51 > 0:24:59THEY PLAY MUSIC
0:25:02 > 0:25:04What they should do, yeah, is let us have a little sleep
0:25:04 > 0:25:06like they did in primary school.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Assembly is a valuable opportunity
0:25:07 > 0:25:09for the school community to join together.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Yeah, but my idea would be a valuable oppo-thingy
0:25:11 > 0:25:13for us to have a little sleep.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- WHISPERS: - Psst. Excuse me.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I think you've dropped something.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19HE MAKES A FART NOISE
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- GIRLS LAUGH - That wasn't me. It wasn't me!
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Quiet, girl!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Sittin' in a big hot room listenin' to Johnny Doo-Dah
0:25:28 > 0:25:31and teachers blabber on about pointless stuff like goin' to uni
0:25:31 > 0:25:34or raisin' money for orphans or stopping global swarming
0:25:34 > 0:25:35or whatever. It's an insult is what it is.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Slow down, you're talking gibberish.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40No, I flippin' well officially ain't. Ask that snarky cow
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Miss Wilkinson, she says my knowledge of modern languages
0:25:42 > 0:25:45is "totally non-existent," not that it's any of her business,
0:25:45 > 0:25:46who does she think she is.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Now, I'm sure you all want to know what this is all about.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Three little words,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Good. Buddy. Points.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00Being a good buddy to your class, to your teachers...
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- Laters, ladies. - ..and to yourselves...
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- Where...where you going? - It's time for payback.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08..the discipline issues at Elmsbury together.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Who's he calling a discipline issue?
0:26:11 > 0:26:12- He's a discipline issue.- Sh!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I ain't even done anything disruptive. That's well outrageous.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Thank you, Zoe-Marie.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I found assembly allowed me as once and future head
0:26:21 > 0:26:25to introduce many new ideas designed to improve school life.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- It was an unparalleled avenue with... - An unpara-boring-nue, more like.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31'Part from that time that Josh Carter secretly recorded
0:26:31 > 0:26:32Mr Harris in the shower.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Let's achieve the level of discipline that
0:26:37 > 0:26:39I know this school is capable of.
0:26:39 > 0:26:46OVER LOUD SYSTEM: # Oh, Mr Shower Man. Oh, baby... #
0:26:46 > 0:26:49# Scrubbing my face ain't no disgrace
0:26:49 > 0:26:51# Yeah... #
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- Is that you, Harris? - It could be anybody.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57# Dexter, ooh-oh-la-la
0:26:57 > 0:26:59# It's so Dextie
0:26:59 > 0:27:00# Washing my pits
0:27:00 > 0:27:02# That's my pits
0:27:02 > 0:27:04# Oh, yeah
0:27:04 > 0:27:09# Here comes the shampoo-ooo! #
0:27:09 > 0:27:10(Josh!)
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Mr Harris is well hopeless. He's like one of them toy dolls
0:27:13 > 0:27:15that cries until you pick them up but alive and a man.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- FLEUR:- That was a very IMAGINATIVE description, don't you think, sir?
0:27:24 > 0:27:25And action.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31How to sum up Elmsmere's approach to creativity?
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Well, as a wise man once said,
0:27:33 > 0:27:35"If you wish to be out front,
0:27:35 > 0:27:38"act as if you're behind."
0:27:38 > 0:27:42- And that says it all, really. - Is that a quote about bums, sir?
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Cut.