0:00:02 > 0:00:05This tie's silk, you know? Very expensive.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Probably best that you get a lot of that in.
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Action.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Welcome. My name is Mr Bell.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Ow!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Detention! I mean it Barlow, I am...
0:00:19 > 0:00:22That weren't Barlow, sir. That were Mr Nunn.
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Cut.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25HE LIP TRILLS
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Take two.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Welcome. My name is Bell. Crispin Bell.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- And as head teacher... - Former head teacher.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36..former head teacher here at Elmsmere,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38today I'll be showing you the caring
0:00:38 > 0:00:41and supportive environment that we can offer to your...
0:00:41 > 0:00:42delightful children.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46They say sharks never sleep.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Similarly, our teaching staff never rest in their quest to inform.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52You could say they're the finely-tuned educational engine
0:00:52 > 0:00:57that powers the exciting, dynamic lorry I like to call 'school.'
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Vroom, vroom!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02And I think I can say without fear of contradiction
0:01:02 > 0:01:05that the bond between pupil and staff here
0:01:05 > 0:01:08is so supportive it's something ver... Ow!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Cheer up, sir, that were brilliant.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15You've Been Framed pay loads of money for that sort of thing.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28There's no 'I' in team.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31But there is a 'me' in Elmsmere.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33And that's what we're all about.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Supporting and nurturing all the 'me's' in our charge,
0:01:36 > 0:01:38our cherished pupils.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Even I'm not so important that I could... Where are you going?!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- I need the loo.- Oh, no.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47You're not going anywhere until we've finished this. Get back here!
0:01:47 > 0:01:50'Our hard-working staff are fountains of knowledge.'
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Right, now this is what you do. You'll like this.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57Punch the crocodile... BANG! ..right on the nose
0:01:57 > 0:01:58and it just lets go.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- ON TV:- 'J'ai faim.'
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I am...a farmer.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04'They're steeped in culture.'
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- ON TV:- 'Je t'aime.'- It's time.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- ON TV:- 'Non, n'y a rien a bouffer.' - Mayonnaise on a rind.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11HE SNICKERS
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- ON TV:- 'Tu comprends?'
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- But two can play at that game. - HE LAUGHS
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- ON TV:- 'Oui, c'est vrai.'
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Ooh, yes. Several.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23OK, wait for the change.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26'Their life's work is to pass on their hard-won knowledge
0:02:26 > 0:02:27'to the next generation.'
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- STUDENTS CONTINUE PLAYING BADLY - Erm...uh...no.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32'Whether that's encouraging
0:02:32 > 0:02:34'an appreciation of the finest music...'
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Let's play some thrash metal
0:02:36 > 0:02:39and afterwards we smash the instruments up.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42'..or promoting a love of theatre.'
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- OVER PA SYSTEM:- 'Why are you faking bum photos?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46'Why am I faking bum photos? Ain't it obvious?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49'No-one's going to believe them's your real onions.'
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- School play rehearsals. - What play's that, then?
0:02:52 > 0:02:53McBum?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57'We want our students to leave Elmsmere
0:02:57 > 0:02:59'as fully rounded young people.'
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- FLEUR:- 'The school dinners'll do that, right enough.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04'Just be quiet, Murphy.'
0:03:04 > 0:03:07So, little girl, tell us about some of your first impressions
0:03:07 > 0:03:10of the staff here at Elmsmere. And be honest now.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I thought Mr Nunn was a wazzock.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Cut!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- FLEUR:- Eleesha interview, take two.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21So, little girl, tell us about some of your first impressions
0:03:21 > 0:03:22of the staff here at Elmsmere.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25And be respectful, now.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Um...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I thought Mr Nunn was a wazzock...
0:03:29 > 0:03:31sir.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Cut.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35What you should do, sir, is ask her about Mr Harris.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Good idea. Everyone likes Mr Harris.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Well?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I definitely remember when I met Mr Harris.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46No doubt you thought he was a dedicated professional.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I just can't get other kids to pay attention.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Not the 'other kids.' Just the kids.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You're a teacher.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Right. Yeah.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57A friendly and supportive educator.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Nice shirt, sir. - And matching socks, sir. Well done.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04You look like yoghurt.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Did your gran knit that for you, sir?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Or did you just find in the skip?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11So what did you think of him then?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14I thought he were a massive serial killer.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34- You what?- Cool!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I think you'll find that Mr Harris has not in fact
0:04:37 > 0:04:38got a body in the back of his car.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I saw it with my eyes, fathead.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44This is classic serial killer behaviour.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46What, like killing people?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49You know Mr Harris. Would a man like that do a thing like this?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Yeah, for sure.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53See? Ugh, he saw me.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55He knows I'm on to him.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58He's bound to do you next. Cover his tracks.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00OK, cut!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- FLEUR:- Are you kidding? This is gold! Carry on, Leesh!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07All the evidence said so. He was dead nervous.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09And then we confronted him.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Sir, is it true you have a dead body in your car?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16No, it isn't. I keep I keep all my dead bodies under the floorboards.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18HE LAUGHS
0:05:18 > 0:05:22No, I do not have a dead body in my car.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24That ain't what Eleesha's saying.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26You told him I have a dead body in my car?!
0:05:26 > 0:05:27No, no, definitely not.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31I didn't see anything. Please, don't hurt me.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36You can't be too careful, that's what my nan says.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38You could be a killer too for all I know, sir.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39You! I said cut.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41And you, detention.
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Mr Bell's never a killer. He doesn't have the inner steel.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- Bank robber?- No, he's more the unpaid-parking-ticket sort.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51This is absolutely ridiculous.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- And you, girl, you're a liability. - Ooh, do you think so?
0:05:54 > 0:05:55That isn't a good thing!
0:05:55 > 0:06:00To be fair to Eleesha, sir, Mr Harris did act well dodgy.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Oh...you must have seen Brenda.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Well, my first aid dummy.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Well, I thought people would laugh at me,
0:06:08 > 0:06:09so I put a bit of a blanket on her.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Well, if you don't believe me, you can come and see for yourselves.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Just a first aid dummy, see?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25There's nothing in there, sir.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26What?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31OK, so, we dress it up like O'Brien and sit it at the drum kit.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- Rock'n'roll!- Why?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37O'Brien. Playing the drums. Come on! It's funny.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- SHE GASPS - He was just trying to lure us
0:06:40 > 0:06:41to his car.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42'It was actually quite exciting.'
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- You are a murderer! - No, no, I can explain.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48'Maybe you should get more dangerous maniacs to teach us, sir.'
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Wait here.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51'He can't do that.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54'Precisely. The governors would have a conniption.'
0:06:54 > 0:06:55What do you think you're playing at?
0:06:55 > 0:06:59'Plus, he's not head teacher now. He doesn't make decisions anymore.'
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Look! He's got Mrs O'Brien.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09We thought he was going to do for Mrs O'Brien.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Perfectly understandable.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Pardon?- What? Oh, nothing.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Erm, that's enough now.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Oh-ho! Well, that weren't the end of it, sir.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23It's OK. Don't worry. Look.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28THEY SCREAM
0:07:28 > 0:07:31THEY LAUGH
0:07:33 > 0:07:35You, my office. Now!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37'Course now I know the truth.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Mr Harris wasn't a serial killer.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42He was just...nervous
0:07:42 > 0:07:44cos he was a rubbish teacher.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46(Oh, cut. Give me strength.)
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Were that all right?- My face weren't too shiny, were it?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51That were great.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52That was unusable.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Right, who's next on the interview list?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58A time when pupils and staff worked well together?
0:07:58 > 0:07:59'Yes. Well, come on.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01'Best one gets a pound.'
0:08:03 > 0:08:09Oh! This is harder than trying to eat jelly through a straw.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Yeah, like you've never tried that.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Got one! No, no, wait.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Got any less tricky questions? - No, wait, I've got one!
0:08:20 > 0:08:25HE PLAYS MUSIC
0:08:25 > 0:08:28That's my tune. How did you get my tune?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30You left your MP3 player.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Oh, and did I also leave a little note saying,
0:08:32 > 0:08:34"Hey, Dexter, feel free to take my MP3 player
0:08:34 > 0:08:36"and tamper with my music without my permission."
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Well, I was only trying to help. Sorry.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41HE GROANS
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Those keyboards, they were pretty cool. How did you do them?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- RAPS:- # Oh, my days, what is this horrible feeling
0:08:49 > 0:08:51# So frightening, disturbing, unappealing
0:08:51 > 0:08:54# It's a nightmare, entirely messed up
0:08:54 > 0:08:57# I...I think I admire Dexter
0:08:57 > 0:08:59# Those sounds he was tappin'
0:08:59 > 0:09:02# That was kinda sick, man, how is this happenin'
0:09:02 > 0:09:03# And I never saw it coming'
0:09:03 > 0:09:06# But everything changed in the moment of drummin'
0:09:06 > 0:09:08# He was always geeky, annoying and uncool
0:09:08 > 0:09:10# Now...
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Well, he's geeky, annoying and uncool.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13# But to bring it into balance
0:09:13 > 0:09:15# I can't deny, man
0:09:15 > 0:09:16# The guy's got talent
0:09:16 > 0:09:18# Who'd've thought in one of the stupidest teachers
0:09:18 > 0:09:21# Deep down there was a musical genius?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23# I know that me and him were never too tight
0:09:23 > 0:09:26# But I'll be honest, I'm seeing him in a new light
0:09:26 > 0:09:28# Now, I know this shouldn't happen
0:09:28 > 0:09:30# Back-to-back me playin', him rappin'
0:09:30 > 0:09:32# It feels so wrong
0:09:32 > 0:09:33# Yet it feels so right
0:09:33 > 0:09:36# And I'm seeing you in a new light
0:09:36 > 0:09:38# You can call me crazy
0:09:38 > 0:09:40# But I'm looking at Josh in a different way lately
0:09:40 > 0:09:43# Most nicknames he gives are derogative
0:09:43 > 0:09:45# Big ego, big mouth, got a lip
0:09:45 > 0:09:48# Cheatin', schemin', impetuous
0:09:48 > 0:09:50# Cheeky, sneaky and rebellious
0:09:50 > 0:09:53# Doesn't give half the care that he should give
0:09:53 > 0:09:56# But deep, deep down he's a good kid
0:09:56 > 0:09:58# And he has a natural talent
0:09:58 > 0:10:00# For which he does show an actual passion
0:10:00 > 0:10:02# I know that me and him were never too tight
0:10:02 > 0:10:05# But I'll be honest I'm seeing him in a new light
0:10:05 > 0:10:07# Now, I know this shouldn't happen
0:10:07 > 0:10:10# Back-to-back, me playin', him rappin'
0:10:10 > 0:10:11# It feels so wrong
0:10:11 > 0:10:12# Yet it feels so right
0:10:12 > 0:10:14# And I'm seeing you in a new light. #
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Wow! That was pretty cool.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Yeah.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24What are you doing after school?
0:10:24 > 0:10:29- We can ask to borrow some instruments, take them home.- Yeah!
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Although I've got a lot of marking to do and detention, of course.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Can you not just cancel that or something?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38I don't think Mr Bell would approve.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43- I left my bag and here.- Yeah, well, erm, I best be getting off anyway.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45I'll see you later, alligator.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48'No-one saw that coming, especially not Josh and Mr Harris.'
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Yo, Josh...
0:10:51 > 0:10:55'I don't think that counts. I heard it went rather badly.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58'Garland is right. That's a terrible example, Johnson.'
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Hang on, but they did a gig together and everything.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03How is that not working together?
0:11:03 > 0:11:04You and Josh, you're the band?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05For one night only.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Oh, don't worry, that suits me fine.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Apparently, I'm too embarrassing to be seen with Josh live on stage.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12So, I'm going to play the keyboard in the background.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Hey, I have an idea, how about I just lift up all the heavy stuff(?)
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Oh, shut up!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- You are so selfish! - I'm doing you a favour here.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Oh, yeah, by hiding me away like the elephant man?- Whoever!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24OK, break it up. It's time, you're on.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Last time, Josh.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32'OK, so, technically, they weren't on stage together,
0:11:32 > 0:11:35'but maybe that was like their gimmick, yeah?'
0:11:37 > 0:11:39OK, it's time for some live music.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41He's live, he's fresh, he's super cool.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Give it up for the amazing J-Hypen.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Where's the smoke?
0:12:04 > 0:12:07# ..Get a strange feeling whenever you walk round me
0:12:07 > 0:12:09# To make it worse, I'm not even sure...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11It isn't working! Is this right?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21# All I want to say is hello then I end up running home
0:12:21 > 0:12:23# Hey, you, over there Why don't you come closer, yeah
0:12:23 > 0:12:25# Cos I know I'm kinda rude
0:12:25 > 0:12:27# And I'm not supposed to stare
0:12:27 > 0:12:29# Didn't even know your name Yeah, it's true
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- # I'm so ashamed - This is a disaster.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33# But I like you more than most
0:12:33 > 0:12:34# And I hope you feel the same...
0:12:41 > 0:12:44# In your world, in your world,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47# In your world, In your world, girl...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49HE COUGHS
0:12:49 > 0:12:53# ..In your world, in your world in your world, girl...
0:12:53 > 0:12:54HE COUGHS
0:12:54 > 0:12:56# ..I was so, so close, girl and now I'm... #
0:12:56 > 0:12:59MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY
0:13:03 > 0:13:05AUDIENCE GASPS
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Don't just stand there.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09EVACUATE!
0:13:09 > 0:13:10FIRE ALARM SOUNDS
0:13:10 > 0:13:12It's fine. It's just the smoke machine.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Everybody out!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Can you at least walk, please? Walk calmly.
0:13:22 > 0:13:23'Nope, bad example.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26'No pound for you. They nearly burnt the school down.'
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Yeah, but they didn't, did they?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- 'Hmph! That time.- Cut.'
0:13:30 > 0:13:35'You two, can you think of a time you worked well with a teacher?
0:13:35 > 0:13:36'There's a pound in it for you.'
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- Well, sir...- No.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39'Oh, typical.'
0:13:39 > 0:13:42What did you say that for? You just did me out of a pound.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45What? We ain't never worked well with teachers.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47So! I was going to make something up.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49That's what you do with teachers, spanner.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Erm, shouldn't you lot be in lessons?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57We are on an errand.
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Who for?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00THEY SAY DIFFERENT NAMES
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Well, which one is it?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03All of them.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07What are you doing of lessons?
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Desperately need the toilet, sir.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- All three of you?- It can't wait. - It's leaking out, sir.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Get back here!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- We are in deep trouble. - Relax, man you're just do what I do
0:14:18 > 0:14:19- smile and style it out.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Smiling is not going to cut it. They'll know we skipped class.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- We missed Ms Parkwood's class. We will be fine.- Like how?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Watch.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Hey, Ms Parkwood. Nice lesson this morning.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- Sorry, what?- Nice lesson just now. It was well fascinating.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Oh, right, thanks.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42I was there too.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Haven't you learnt anything from hanging out with me and Josh?
0:14:46 > 0:14:50I learnt I could get more detentions than I thought were possible.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52That brings a tear to my eye.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Seriously, wise up, OK?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58You don't tell the truth to teachers. Look at them!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Oi! Out of the way, titchy!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03'Teachers - tall...angry...'
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Here!
0:15:06 > 0:15:07'..ginger...'
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Do you need to see the nurse?
0:15:09 > 0:15:10'And that's just Mr Nunn...'
0:15:10 > 0:15:13No, I was just laying an egg.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Right, well, lay one in your own time.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18You've got cross-country to run.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22'They are our natural opponents and they're bigger than us,
0:15:22 > 0:15:25'so we need to use all the weapons we've got.'
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- SCHOOL BELL RINGS - 'Flatter them...'
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Hello, Mr Byron. Is that a new tie?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Yeah, I'm liking the stripes, you know, a bit of retro chic.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35'Pretend to like them.'
0:15:35 > 0:15:37I'm loving the look, sir, very sports casual.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38'In other words...'
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- What are you doing in here?- '..Lie.'
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Ms Andress. Ooh, you're smelling lovely today.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Is that a new perfume?
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Yeah, I'm getting some nice little, subtle undertones of vanilla,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50a hint of aged leather.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52HE SIGHS
0:15:52 > 0:15:53I wish Josh was here.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Josh was the business at playing teachers.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02So, look, you want out of detention, right?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Well, I can fix that. You know I'm not the enemy here.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06I'm your best friend. I'm the man with the plan.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Well, what plan?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Whatever Nathan says you did, just say sorry.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13What? But I didn't do it.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15But look, you're in detention anyway, right?
0:16:15 > 0:16:18You might as well look guilty, fess up, say sorry, blah-blah-blah.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Nathan loves all that stuff.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Oh, and can you do this face, too?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Look, he's coming. All right.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Remember, "I did it, sorry, it won't happen again,"
0:16:35 > 0:16:37puppy-dog eyes, yeah?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40OK.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- So, what are we going to do now, then?- Shut up! I'm thinking.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45You shut up! We need to like sort it out or like whatever!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Oh, calm down.- Calm down, please.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51What is it with you and fights?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Shut up, Mary Poppins. - I said, "Enough."
0:16:55 > 0:16:57OK, tonight we're going to try something
0:16:57 > 0:16:59a little bit different here, right?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01So, I want everyone to get their chairs,
0:17:01 > 0:17:03get them in a circle around me, yeah? Come on, let's go!
0:17:08 > 0:17:13Right. I've got this book and I'm hoping that some of the exercises
0:17:13 > 0:17:17in here are going to help us break the cycle of detention.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Then why are we in a circle?
0:17:20 > 0:17:21- What?- Why are we in a circle
0:17:21 > 0:17:23if you're just going to break the circle?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25No, not 'circle,' 'cycle'.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27What are you chattin' about? I don't even have a bike.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Let's...just get started, shall we? Erm...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Maybe...Darius.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36You want to take a seat up here for me? Good man.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41There you go. OK, now, close your eyes.
0:17:43 > 0:17:49I want you to take a deep breath and imagine...
0:17:49 > 0:17:53imagine a really relaxing place somewhere. Right?
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Now, in your own time...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57(..tell me where you are.)
0:17:59 > 0:18:00So, I'm in detention
0:18:02 > 0:18:06and I broke the wing mirror off of Mr Byron's car.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I'm sorry and I won't do it again.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15'Inspired.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16'He was up against it too.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18'Imagine having a teacher in the family.'
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Faster than a kid running from Byron.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Stronger than a dinner lady's custard.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29The whole school bow down to the awesome power of...
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Natty C!
0:18:32 > 0:18:35RAPS: # Cometh the hour, cometh the man
0:18:35 > 0:18:37# And I have got a truer handle on these kids
0:18:37 > 0:18:40# Yeah, I got a hold of them like Superman could with a grip
0:18:40 > 0:18:43# Witness me saving detention, the 'in distress' kids
0:18:43 > 0:18:45# Bless me, I cleaned up the big mess
0:18:45 > 0:18:48# That Elmsbury was before my arrival
0:18:48 > 0:18:50# Right till I washed out all the bad blood
0:18:50 > 0:18:52# Like a tidal...wave
0:18:52 > 0:18:53# See, I crave kids badly behaved
0:18:53 > 0:18:56# And I grow 'em, mould 'em, show 'em the Natty C way
0:18:56 > 0:18:59# I'm a hero, type of dude you can't get near, yo
0:18:59 > 0:19:01# Head teacher, head of year
0:19:01 > 0:19:03# I fear no authority
0:19:03 > 0:19:05# Cos there ain't none above me
0:19:05 > 0:19:08# I've found out how to make these kids love me
0:19:08 > 0:19:10# Show respect and I'll start rewarding them
0:19:10 > 0:19:13# Let them leave detention early before it ends
0:19:13 > 0:19:16# Then I'll climb up on top of the tallest tower
0:19:16 > 0:19:20# And shout out, "Behold my awesome power..." #
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Cooler than an Eskimo's elbow.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Smarter than 47 Bryons.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Elmsbury is unprepared for the awesome power of...
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Jay Carter.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- RAPS:- # You can call me the super villain
0:19:35 > 0:19:36# But I'm used to chillin' now
0:19:36 > 0:19:38# So don't go hatin'
0:19:38 > 0:19:39# My work here is done
0:19:39 > 0:19:41# I totally own Nathan
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# Played him like a console
0:19:43 > 0:19:44# See, I've got so...
0:19:44 > 0:19:46# Much game I could entertain you for yonks, bro
0:19:46 > 0:19:49# I could take up buckin' bronco through a rodeo
0:19:49 > 0:19:51# And still have a smooth ride
0:19:51 > 0:19:52# So now you know me, yo
0:19:52 > 0:19:55# Super J... Oh, sh! Keep a secret identity
0:19:55 > 0:19:56# Just in case the powers that be
0:19:56 > 0:19:58# Might want to mess with me
0:19:58 > 0:19:59# I wouldn't recommend that
0:19:59 > 0:20:01# I'm the type to take a ten-foot steel bar
0:20:01 > 0:20:03# And then use my mind to bend it
0:20:03 > 0:20:06# I've got the brain of an elephant - extra-large
0:20:06 > 0:20:08# Shame Nate's just got the face of an elephant
0:20:08 > 0:20:11# But I can't control genes
0:20:11 > 0:20:14# I'm too busy reading minds, man, I know what you mean
0:20:14 > 0:20:17# I could address the United Nations and talk for hours
0:20:17 > 0:20:21# I'd be like, "Check out my awesome powers." #
0:20:21 > 0:20:23But Josh was always in trouble.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Lying to teachers didn't help him, did it?
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Isaac, Isaac, come on.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34Imagine how much trouble he would've got in if he had told the truth.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36You're an idiot.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38See? A lie!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39You're getting the hang of this.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Given all of this, we feel sure that all of the success
0:20:48 > 0:20:50that the pupils have isn't down to them,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52it's down to us.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56The hard-working, dedicated and inspirational staff at Elmsmere.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Nearly done. Go team Harris.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- HE SNICKERS - Team Harris?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04What sport do they compete at -
0:21:04 > 0:21:06being a bit awkward and rubbish with girls?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I've nearly finished this year's leaving reports.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12112 done and one to go. I think that deserves a biscuit.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Whoa! Does Usain Bolt do 90 metres then stop for a Jammie Dodger?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- But!- Finish it.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22Shouldn't take an athlete of your abilities too long.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Whose is it, anyway?
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Zoe-Marie.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27HE CACKLES
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Hey, guess what? There's a new one of those grown-ups
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- that still come to school!- Teachers? - Yeah, all right.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I ain't stupid. Anyway, there's a new one of those what-he-said.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- Teachers.- Oh, just shut up, yeah? All I'm saying is there's a new
0:21:38 > 0:21:41teacher and he's in the doo-dah and he's totally thingy!
0:21:41 > 0:21:42It's fine. I'll just tell the truth.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44No, you won't! Have you met her mum?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47She's just like Zoe-Marie, but about ten times worse.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Flippin' flip-flop chop, Mr Carter.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56- Hey, Zoe-Marie. - What are you two doing here?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Well, we just came out for a...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01private meal together.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03That's what we are doing. Me, Mum and Dad and Dino.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Hiya, babe, you all right? You all right?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I wanted to go for chicken, but they were all like,
0:22:08 > 0:22:11"Oh, not too spicy, Grandma won't like it." My grandma's cat swallowed
0:22:11 > 0:22:13a key. We still had to come to this flipping dive.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16They totally don't got any sauce like mild. They do mild, hot,
0:22:16 > 0:22:19and blowing your mouth off. Totally ruining my life. So, how are you?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22One cross word about her daughter and Mrs Ingham will have your bum
0:22:22 > 0:22:25as a toast rack. My advice, lie your face off.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Tell her that she's an excellent student and a pleasure to teach.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31That way you can keep your toast rack to yourself
0:22:31 > 0:22:33and I might give you a biscuit.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Carter, shut your yap. Ain't all about you. You got two of these,
0:22:36 > 0:22:39you got one of them and you're always buttin' in. Never once keep
0:22:39 > 0:22:41your flappin' trap shut and listen like the rest of us, yeah?
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- Oi, idiots!- Ladies, what seems to be the problem?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47What do you think, thicko? Like flippin' Molly said
0:22:47 > 0:22:49it was you that done it or was it?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- Is you been doing all this, yeah?- What was...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It's like, what do you think you was doing, yeah?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55You're like so whatever. You are such a yeah.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58You girls all set for another fun day of school, then?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00What? I only just got here. You having a go at me already?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- No, not in the slightest. - I heard how you said it.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05You were like, "Another fun day at school, girls."
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- What does that even mean?- It's just me saying good morning.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10What's so good about it anyway? What do you know that I don't?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Sorry, sir, Zoe is a little bit emotional. Mr Carter leaves today.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Shut up, yeah, I ain't emotional.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16What are you doin' tellin' him about emotions for?
0:23:16 > 0:23:21I can't lie, but maybe I don't have to tell the whole truth.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Erm, "Zoe-Marie...
0:23:25 > 0:23:27"..is a girl
0:23:27 > 0:23:30"who never fails to...amaze...
0:23:30 > 0:23:32"Stun." No, no.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33"..amaze."
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- You saying girls ain't no good at video games?- Everyone knows that.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Shut up, yeah, shut up. I'm well awesome at you know...you know...
0:23:39 > 0:23:41- Video games.- Yeah!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Well, I reckon I could kick your butt at any game in existence.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46You reckon? So, why don't, you know, thingy?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Prove it.- Yeah, prove it! - All right, name your game.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- Princess Dance-athon. - Princess Dance-athon
0:23:52 > 0:23:54this Friday in the AV room, yeah?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Yeah, I hope you like the feeling of, you know, thingy.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Defeat.- For flip's sake, would you stop finishing my whatevers!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Sentences.
0:24:01 > 0:24:06"She is incredibly confident in her opinions..."
0:24:06 > 0:24:07You're like a foghorn, Zoe Marie.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11At least I got legs. Those are more like monkey...poles.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14"..which she expresses in...
0:24:14 > 0:24:16"remarkable style."
0:24:16 > 0:24:19What are you supposed to be? You look like somebody ate a undertaker
0:24:19 > 0:24:21- and threw up over a thing. - Stop it, Zoe Marie.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Molly is obviously in mourning. Who died?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Well, duh! Obviously, she's in morning.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27It's like 9am or something.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31"She can always be relied on to contribute."
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Then my dad poured well too much gravy on my Yorkshire
0:24:33 > 0:24:36puddings and they got like all soggy. It was bad as custard.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I also had these earrings cos I just bought them. They're like
0:24:38 > 0:24:40- really valuable and everything... - OK, thanks.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Not finished. Then Ms Andress took them off me and she's
0:24:43 > 0:24:46like, "Yeah, you're not allowed to wear them." And my dad was
0:24:46 > 0:24:48saying that if my ears grow back he'll send a letter with a bill
0:24:48 > 0:24:50so she has to pay for 'em cos she made me take them off and
0:24:50 > 0:24:53made my ears grow back. The other day, I was at the park.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55I was like, "What are you doing on the swings?"
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- I was looking for the swing, then I...- Zoe Marie!
0:24:57 > 0:25:02Can I put 'shiny hair' as a contribution to school life?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Wait! I know.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09"..Erm, she has demonstrated a real flair
0:25:09 > 0:25:11"in the area of make-up and beauty."
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Can I make you up, miss? - Erm...- Wicked thanks.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Well, I suppose if it means that much to you.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I promise I'll make you look nice for a change.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- Thanks.- Don't get too excited, though.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I mean, I am good, but I'm no miracle worker.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29"And used these talents to raise the spirits of the staff."
0:25:29 > 0:25:31HE SNICKERS
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Certainly made me laugh.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Mrs O'Brien, about this time tab...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40It's not too much, is it, sir?
0:25:40 > 0:25:41No.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43If anything, I'd say it's not enough.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49"Zoe Marie is a girl who has taken part in music..."
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Get it off, get it off me quick! It stuck to my head. It stuck.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Get it off me! Get it off my head, quick!
0:25:55 > 0:25:58"And I can confidently say on her singing,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01"Once heard, never forgotten."
0:26:01 > 0:26:03SINGING BADLY: # I heard that you settled down
0:26:03 > 0:26:04# That you found a girl
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- # And you're married no-ow - All right.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09# I heard that you're dreeeams came true
0:26:09 > 0:26:10# Guess she gave you things
0:26:10 > 0:26:12# I couldn't give to yooo-ouu
0:26:12 > 0:26:14# Old friend, why are you so shy
0:26:14 > 0:26:16# Ain't like you to hold back
0:26:16 > 0:26:18# Or hide from the liii-ght! #
0:26:18 > 0:26:19OK.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23"To conclude, Elmsmere would be a much less...
0:26:23 > 0:26:25"lively place without her
0:26:25 > 0:26:28"and she will be...
0:26:28 > 0:26:29"missed(?)"
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Yeah, like I miss my athlete's foot when the footy season's over.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Did you input the correct code?
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Of course, I did, you half-sized know-it-all. It's stuck.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41I wouldn't do that if I were you.
0:26:41 > 0:26:45Every year, scores of people are crushed by toppled vending machines.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Statistically speaking, they're more dangerous than sharks.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Statistically speaking... Shut up!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52OK, she'll be...
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Somewhere else.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Done. Right, tin, please.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04What! Eh! Get back here!
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Oops!
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Teachers, how to describe us?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17The best word for us is...
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- Flaming idiots.- Pardon me?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- Flipping brilliant?- Oh, where was I?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Oh, yes! The best word for us is superheroes.
0:27:25 > 0:27:26FLEUR GIGGLES
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Murphy, are you laughing?
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Crying, sir, at the...
0:27:30 > 0:27:31beauty of what you're saying.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Yes, superheroes.
0:27:33 > 0:27:39Every day fighting the good fight against ignorance, apathy
0:27:39 > 0:27:41and illegal hoop earrings. So, I say to you...
0:27:41 > 0:27:43THUNDERCLAP CRACKS ..join us!