0:00:31 > 0:00:36£565 taken off the credit card for my mobile!
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Have you been downloading films and stuff on my phone?
0:00:40 > 0:00:41No! Give me that!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Hm. Attack of the Giant Anacondas,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Alien Spider Massacre 3.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Remind you of anyone?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55I thought it was free. It's the 21st century. Who pays for downloads?
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Ho-ho-ho!
0:00:56 > 0:01:01I said, ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- Not the reaction I was hoping for. - Look!
0:01:06 > 0:01:11- 500...?! Ooo, Santa is not happy. - Him. Downloading stuff on my phone.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Now you know they're ripping you off,
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I've probably saved you a fortune.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19No. I'll tell what you've done, Charlie, you've ruined Christmas.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Hey, come on, love. These things happen.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- It's not the end of the world. - This was supposed to be our break.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36- No guests, put our feet up, get some treats in.- We'll muddle through.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39And we've still got your organic turkey to pick up. That's £80!
0:01:39 > 0:01:41We'll cancel the turkey, get a nice chicken.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.- Wait.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47You know you were thinking about getting me a new smartphone?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49We just decided, we're not.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53I'm not getting a smartphone because he decided to watch
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Attack of the Spider Dogs?!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I know what'll cheer you up.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Listen. Ho-ho-ho!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I've got a little twist that I do when I plant me feet.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Really? That's what you're thinking about?
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Well, I want to get it right.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09It's quite an honour to be asked to be Santa at the carol service.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I think you'll be brilliant, Dad. Really jolly.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I did have a few quid put by, saving up for me perfume.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21You'll always have your perfume, no matter how tight things get.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Not this year. Right. No point crying about it.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Let's make a list.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Good idea. And when you've done it, I'll check it twice.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Still nothing. You are one tough crowd.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43They just said no. "No, you're not getting a smartphone."
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Unbelievable! - Sounds like they can't afford it.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48How's that my fault? My old phone's broke!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I literally have no phone! I'm like a ghost!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Hannah?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Loser! That Ted, what a geek!
0:02:56 > 0:02:57He is a bit odd.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01He was only going out with Poppy for a few days and he bought her a pony.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- What?- Yeah. His family are minted.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06But still, an actual pony.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I forgot wrapping paper. Laters!
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Ted! Who are you texting? Your girlfriend?
0:03:15 > 0:03:16I don't have one. She rejected me.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20What? Must need glasses...does she?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Oh, I see. You're flirting with me.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Am I? I suppose I am!
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Santa?!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Oh, it's just you, Dad.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38Don't worry, the real Santa's out there getting ready for tonight.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39I don't like Santa.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I send him a letter telling him not to come.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Louie, Santa's a lovely man. Very kind.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47How do you know? Have you met him?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Well, no, I've not met him, no. - He's a stranger.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53And you told me not to take anything from strangers.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Santa's different. He's kind, he's...
0:03:55 > 0:03:57He's a stranger who can fly
0:03:57 > 0:04:00and gives presents to people he hasn't even met!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I can't believe you're even letting him in the house!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12And then my mum said I've ruined Christmas.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14I feel rotten about it.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17You feel sorry for doing something bad? This is huge!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I am very excited!
0:04:19 > 0:04:23That's why I'm here. I'm going to buy perfume to make it up to her.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Again, very excited!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Can I have your biggest bottle of this, please?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Large bottle is £90.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Right, OK. Um...could I have that one, the really small one, then?
0:04:40 > 0:04:4260.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45£60?! That's ridiculous!
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Does it give you magical powers? Does it have a genie in the bottle?!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Go on, clear off!- Come on!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56How am I supposed to get £60?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59We could provide a bodyguarding service.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03But first, we have to make people think they're in real danger.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05That's it! We'll do a Santa's grotto!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Sorry, what?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10We'll charge children a fiver and we'll make a fortune.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I'll be Santa, Ben, you can be the elf.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- Why do I have to be the elf?! It's not fair...- A-hem!
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Brilliant. I'd love that(!)
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Excellent! That is a military grade grotto.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Ben?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Ben?!
0:05:39 > 0:05:40BEN?!
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Jim! Call me Jim! I've just seen my neighbours walk past!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51So what? You should be proud of this.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I'm feeling a lot of things, but, er...
0:05:57 > 0:05:59..proud is NOT one of them.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Ta-da!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- Looks good, doesn't it?- Superb.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08What are you talk...?! You haven't even covered the toilet!
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I ran out of decorations.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12I'll be sitting on it, it can be Santa's seat.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Well, I've wrapped most of the presents.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Oh, brilliant! Looks proper professional.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21The kids will be really delighted when they open them and find
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- their ornamental garden toadstool(!) - Ben, stop complaining.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Oh, what does it mean by self-cleaning?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Oh, that means...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31You'll find out.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Argh! Aarrgghh!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- Hannah, there's someone here to see you, love.- Ted?!
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Thought we were meeting in a quiet cafe where nobody knows me.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Not that that's relevant.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- You're Hannah's mum?- A-huh.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- I thought you'd be younger. - Excuse me?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Ted! Let's go in the other room.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Good idea. I've done a playlist to teach you about music.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59My girlfriend has to like the right bands.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Girlfriend? SHE LAUGHS
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Laters!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14This is Skangerrr from Iceland.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Definitely the best band in the world.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20I'll take you to Iceland one day. We'll see them live.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Yeah, but that's not what I want for Christmas, right?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I know. You want the phone with the six-inch screen.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27And the 16 megapixel camera.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29So romantic.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Quite expensive.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34We've only been going out for four hours and 11 minutes.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I told you, it's not about how long, it's about the connection.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39I agree.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I've never felt this close to anyone.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47OK. Let's listen to Skangerrr's double album, Ragnarok.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Properly, without stupid talking.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54TECHNO
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Ho-ho-ho! Nailed it. - DOORBELL
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Ho-ho... Oh!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Ooo, it's so soft!
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Mm. Yes, you see, it's an alpaca-cashmere mix.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Cost a few quid, I can tell you. - Pfft!
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Yeah, but as I always say, if you're going to do it, do it right.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35There's more to Santa than an expensive costume, isn't there?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37It's all about the twinkle.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Oh, I can twinkle.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Go on, then.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Hm!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Right, who wants a cup of tea?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57'Course, my skills have been recognised.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00That's why the vicar chose me to be Santa at the carol service.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Oh, she's not told you, has she?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- This is going to be very awkward. - Told me...told me what?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I'm doing the carol service.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09No, no, no, no, no. It's all been arranged.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14Yeah, well, that was before I gave the vicar £600 towards the new roof.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16You bribed the vicar?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19She offered, you know. It was her way of saying thanks.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Well, what thanks do I get?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I've been in character for weeks, haven't I?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25It's been quite exhausting.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Right, better crack on.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Those reindeer won't feed themselves. Ha-ha! Ha!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Ho-ho-ho!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I'm going to pull my beard up now
0:09:40 > 0:09:44and it has a tendency to make my eyes water, but I'm not crying.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49But it's a toilet.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Oh, well, er...you see, it's a council project,
0:09:52 > 0:09:54really trying to use the loos.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56It's going to be a dance studio.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- FLUSH! - Next!
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Santa was grumpy with me.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05He said if I open it before tomorrow,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08it would turn into something rubbish.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11This isn't right. I'll be on to the council about you lot!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Oh, sir, this is a grotto.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22It's not really used for, er...any other business.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Ho-ho-ho! Who do we have...?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30CHARLIE SIGHS
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Fine! But no number twos!
0:10:44 > 0:10:46That was the vicar.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48She's coming to explain why she stabbed me in the heart.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Oh, no! Is that the Christmas bird?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I know. What did they do, starve it to death?
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Hey, have you met this Ted, Hannah's new boyfriend?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00He seems very controlling.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01With Hannah? He must like a challenge.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Why's she going out with someone like that?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Has she got low self-esteem?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Ted wants two mince pies,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10not too hot. He likes them around 82 degrees.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12No problem, I've got a little thermometer.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14T-T-That is quite a specific temperature.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Hannah, I don't think he's right for you.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17# Deck the halls... #
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I know he seems odd, but trust me, he's...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Carol singers!- Ohhhhh!- Oh, yay!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
0:11:25 > 0:11:27# Strike the harp and join the chorus
0:11:27 > 0:11:29# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
0:11:29 > 0:11:31# Follow me in merry measure
0:11:31 > 0:11:33# Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
0:11:33 > 0:11:35# While I tell of Yuletide treasure
0:11:35 > 0:11:38# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. #
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Oh!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43You must be freezing! Come in, girls! Come in!
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Who wants a hot drink and a mince pie?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Hey, Carol, everyone, in here!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Oh, no, no, no, no, no. In here, in here.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52That's right, in you go, in you go.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55In the guest lounge. That's right.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01The girls won't like Ted, that'll put Hannah right off him.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Look at you, plotting and scheming.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Better watch me step, you might try and topple me.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Not that I'm king or anything, I'm just, um... She's gone.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15A Carol singing carols. Funny, innit?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21I'm disappointed.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Thought it was boyfriend/girlfriend listening to music time,
0:12:24 > 0:12:25not being with random girls.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Any of you even heard of Skangerrr?
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Didn't think so.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35You two are going out, then?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Yeah. We're very happy.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I bet.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Quite sudden, was it?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Cupid. Sneaky little devil, isn't he?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46I think it's great.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50And it just shows, there's someone out there for absolutely everyone.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52It's true.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Usually, I only go for the very pretty girls,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57but there's something about Hannah.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Hi, Darcy, I got you something for Christmas.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08A friend.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10His name's Little Jackie.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11He can be a bit of a character.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Ho ho ho!
0:13:16 > 0:13:17What do you want?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I'm just doing my rounds, Louie, you know...
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Didn't you get my letter? I don't want anything.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Oh, but I've got it picked out for you. A lovely present.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28No. I don't want it!
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Leave me alone!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Oh, come on, I'm Santa, you little twit!
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Come on! What are you doing in there?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- There's more of them.- What?!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Hands up who's to see Santa?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Hands up who's for the toilet?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58I've got some new recruits to see Santa.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Right, finally!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Now the toilet is closed!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I better get these kids back for their tea.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12# I love working for Santa Claus
0:14:12 > 0:14:14# Comes to Christmas, he's the boss
0:14:14 > 0:14:16# Rudolph has a shiny nose
0:14:16 > 0:14:18# At the North Pole it got froze... #
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Hey, look!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23It's the Santa from the mall.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26He's on his lunch break!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Charlie, no!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Come on, Ben!
0:14:34 > 0:14:35I've seen you around school.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Laughing.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41I'm quite a happy person.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Don't know why.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45You've never heard of Skangerrr!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48And you ask stupid questions in maths.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52I bet she won't do well in life.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Ted! Why don't you go and check on the mince pies?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Because I don't want to.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Oh, is this one of them boyfriend things?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Yes.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I'd better do it then.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14You probably think I've lost it, do you?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Well, don't worry, I'm only going out with him
0:15:16 > 0:15:18so he'll buy me a phone for Christmas.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Hannah, are you joking?
0:15:20 > 0:15:23No! Me and Ted? Come on, give me some credit.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26As soon as I get that phone, he is dumped!
0:15:28 > 0:15:29What?!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I knew it. Too hot.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38I asked for mince pies at a specific temperature.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41And that request has been totally ignored.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44You'll get used to it. It's called life.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Going out with someone for a phone? It's too weird!
0:15:49 > 0:15:51And not very nice to be around.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53You're just jealous because you didn't think of it!
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Carol?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Sorry, Mrs Enright, got to run!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Right, tell me what's going on.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Nothing! What do you mean?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Hannah! Now.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Well, I suppose...
0:16:09 > 0:16:1082 degrees.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12See?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Just takes a little effort.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Enjoy!
0:16:18 > 0:16:19You, come here.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25You're going out with him just so he'll buy you a phone? Hannah!
0:16:25 > 0:16:26It's your fault!
0:16:26 > 0:16:29You won't buy me one and I can't live without a phone.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Might as well not exist!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32You know what you've got to do, don't you?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36Not dump him when he gives me the phone.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Wait a week till he feels OK...
0:16:39 > 0:16:40What?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52See? Empty.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54We can't do this! We are literally stealing Christmas.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Let's go.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Elf it up.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Merry Christmas, everyone!
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Thank you so much.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I am Jim and I'll be your elf for today.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Ho ho ho!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17I want a real bow and arrow for Christmas.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18What for?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21To kill pigeons, I don't like them.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Fair enough.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24But it's got to be a secret present
0:17:24 > 0:17:27because my mum won't let me have real weapons.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29I know, right? It's awful.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31In the olden days, kids had everything -
0:17:31 > 0:17:33knives, bows, arrows, spears...
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I bet it was amazing. Now it's all of these stupid rules.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38You're a really good Santa.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48The mince pies were mediocre.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50A 3.8 at best.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52We need to talk.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I know. It's one of the hard things about being a boyfriend.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59No, what it is, me and you, it's over.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02But it was going so well.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03No...
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I loved being your boyfriend.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I'm really sad.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Don't be sad, it wasn't real anyway.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I was only going out with you so you'd buy me a phone.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16And I did.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17See?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23I thought we'd have years together.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I'll probably see you around.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I hope so.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32The six hours 23 minutes we had together
0:18:32 > 0:18:34they were the happiest of my life.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40You're going to stalk me, aren't you?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49You'll be happy here, Little Jackie.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52You've got a beautiful view of the garden and...
0:18:52 > 0:18:54No!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59There are millions of children, why are you picking on me?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Vicar rung me and told me I wasn't doing it right.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Oh, that's terrible.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10So I was wondering if Kevin had heard out?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Well, as a matter of fact,
0:19:13 > 0:19:17the vicar did ring him up and asked him to step in...
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Yeah...
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I hope you don't mind me saying this,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26but your Santa was a little bit surface.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29You know? You need to get inside the character.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Sort of inhabit the role. I'll give you an example.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Ho ho ho!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Hear that? It's got everything.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40The laughter of children,
0:19:40 > 0:19:41mince pies,
0:19:41 > 0:19:43a robin in the snow...
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Let me hear yours.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- Kevin!- I'm trying to help.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Ho ho ho!
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- Was that it? Were you doing it then? - Yeah, I was doing it then.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Oh, I thought you were just warming up.- No, I was doing it.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Well, you see, this is the thing.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Not everybody is cut out to wear the red suit, are they?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Right.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I'd better get on then!
0:20:07 > 0:20:08See you, Michael.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- Yeah.- Yeah, bye.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Why did you have to do that? You could see he was upset.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22He deserved it. Bribing the vicar!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I don't see why you can't both be Santa at the carols.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Don't be ridiculous!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh, actually, that's not a bad idea.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32If we were both Santa, everyone will see how I am way better than him
0:20:32 > 0:20:35and I'll finally crush him once and for all.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I mean crush him in a nice Christmassy way.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Thank you. See you again.
0:20:43 > 0:20:4580 quid in half an hour!
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Outstanding!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52A tenner for this? Are you having a laugh?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Santa said not to open it or it would turn into something rubbish!
0:20:55 > 0:20:57And it has! Look!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59We want our money back!
0:20:59 > 0:21:02It's your sort that give Santas a bad name!
0:21:02 > 0:21:05You're ripping the heart out of Christmas, that's what you're doing!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Yeah, she's got a point!
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Well, I'm sure we can come to some arrangement...
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Listen, if you've got a problem, you can speak to our CO.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Oi!
0:21:18 > 0:21:19We want our money back!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22What money? I haven't had any...
0:21:23 > 0:21:25It's that boy!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27He took your money! Him, there!
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Yes, him over there! I say, you there!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Oh! Oh, madam, I am so sorry.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35He assaulted me!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Santa assaulted me!
0:21:37 > 0:21:41EVERYONE SHOUTS AT ONCE
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Just listen! Listen!
0:21:48 > 0:21:49There was a boy!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53A boy with an evil face!
0:21:56 > 0:22:01Look what we've done! No child should have to see that.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Collateral damage. I hate it, but I've learned to live with it.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Forget all that! Look!
0:22:06 > 0:22:0980 quid! More than enough for the perfume!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Mum, why are you making party hats?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20You get them from the Christmas crackers.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23We're not having Christmas crackers this year.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- It's because we're poor, isn't it? - Yep.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Mum, Santa's after me. He knows where I live.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Louie...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33We should block up the chimney.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Hi, Mum...
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Is it snowing?
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Yeah.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Ah, it's snowing!
0:22:44 > 0:22:46That makes it feel a bit more like a proper Christmas.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47It will be.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51We made a Santa's grotto at Ben's house, loads of little kids came.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Aw, that sounds nice.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57We made enough money to get you this.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59What's this?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Go on, open it.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05It's my perfume!
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Is it the right one? I got the old bottle from your room.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Oh, Charlie, I can't believe it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13That's so lovely!
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Yeah. It's just, I didn't want you to be sad on Christmas.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Oh!
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Mum!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33We're releasing you with a caution.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36But you've kept me here for hours! I'm late for carols now!
0:23:36 > 0:23:40And it wasn't my fault, there was this boy!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Merry Christmas!
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Ho ho ho! To one and all!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I see what you've done. You've stolen my signature twist.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Get over yourself, will you?
0:23:54 > 0:23:55HO HO HO!
0:23:55 > 0:23:56HO HO HO HO!
0:23:56 > 0:23:57HO HO HO!
0:23:57 > 0:23:58HO HO HO HO!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00HO HO HO HO!
0:24:00 > 0:24:01HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Hi, Dad.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Now, Santa number one, that's your dad.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12Santa number two, that's Mr Byrne. All right?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19It's all right, mate. We sort of got this covered.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Yeah, get your own carols.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Get out of my way!
0:24:26 > 0:24:30You want to spend Christmas in hospital, do you?
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Oooh!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Listen, mate, the only reason we'd be in hospital
0:24:34 > 0:24:35is if we were visiting you!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Woo!
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Ha!!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Well, what are you waiting for?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50We've got to go in, mate, but you are one lucky Santa.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53You dodged a bullet here, mate. Dodged a bullet.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02# God rest ye merry, gentlemen
0:25:02 > 0:25:05# Let nothing you dismay
0:25:05 > 0:25:07# Remember, Christ, our Saviour
0:25:07 > 0:25:09# Was born on Christmas day
0:25:09 > 0:25:13# To save us all from Satan's power
0:25:13 > 0:25:15# When we were gone astray
0:25:15 > 0:25:19# O, tidings of comfort and joy
0:25:19 > 0:25:20# Comfort and joy... #
0:25:20 > 0:25:23We will buy you a new phone. In a month or two.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25It's all right, Mum. I can wait.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# Now to the Lord's embraces... #
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Look!
0:25:37 > 0:25:41PHONE RINGS
0:25:41 > 0:25:44# O, tidings of comfort and joy... #
0:25:44 > 0:25:47PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Carol! In a church!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53She's got a nerve.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Hannah! Turn it off!
0:25:55 > 0:26:00PHONE RINGS LOUDLY
0:26:02 > 0:26:03Hannah!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05He wanted me to have it!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08He said being with me was the happiest six hours of his life!
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Didn't you, Ted?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Santa number one...
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Santa number two...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19The real Santa! He's come for me! Oh, no!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- No, no, no!- It's OK!
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- It's that boy!- Calm down!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Oi, you! You!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- Calm down. Calm down. - Get out of my way!
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Oh!
0:26:33 > 0:26:34No!
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Kevin, are you all right?
0:26:37 > 0:26:41I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do anything. Oh, my beard.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Somebody call the police!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I was at the Old Vic! Get off me!
0:26:45 > 0:26:46Oh, dear!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Merry Christmas, everyone!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Peace and goodwill to all men.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I'm telling you, he's here!
0:27:01 > 0:27:02The boy is here!
0:27:02 > 0:27:06You were warned, mate. Now it's Christmas in the cells.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08You'll never get me! Never!
0:27:08 > 0:27:13MUSIC: Ding Dong Merrily On High