0:00:03 > 0:00:10MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:34 > 0:00:36A tie? Really?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Well, it's not every day you get asked to be a godfather.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43I want to show the Ruddocks that I'm taking it very seriously.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Oh, they'll get that from the way you keep smiling serenely
0:00:45 > 0:00:46like some saint.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Why do babies get christened?
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Well, Louie, some people believe if that if you're baptised
0:00:52 > 0:00:56and then live a good life, with proper guidance from adults
0:00:56 > 0:00:59chosen because of their wisdom, their maturity...
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Their planet-sized egos.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04..then, when you die, you go to heaven.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07What happens if you don't go to heaven?
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Well, some people believe you go to hell
0:01:10 > 0:01:12where you burn in agony for all eternity.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Kevin!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Them's the rules.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19What you doing with that mustard?
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Stupid food groups project. We've got to list the ingredients.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Well, don't get it on your good clothes.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27DOORBELL RINGS
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Oh! That'll be the Ruddocks! Charlie! The door!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Can't, Mum! I'm busy!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Alan! Sarah! Hello-o.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Hi, Helen! Kevin.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42This must be Grace. Welcome, little one.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44He's very excited about being godfather.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I've not seen him this chuffed since he won the egg and spoon race
0:01:47 > 0:01:49at parents day.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Nice to have a joke, but it is an important role
0:01:51 > 0:01:53and one I will take very seriously.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56We knew you'd be the perfect choice, Kevin. ..Didn't we?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Look! I wore my suit just for your special day.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01BOTH: Aw!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Come in, come in!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Charlie and Hannah will be down in a minute.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Mustard in a water pistol!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14This is insane!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Watered down mustard. It's an invention.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Yeah, right up there with the concrete parachute.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22We get ten of these, we can have our own paintball game.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24A fiver in, we'll make a fortune!
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Outstanding!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27We need to test it.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Hit me.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33But...what about your clothes?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37My new shirt! I'm dead!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41You're the science guy! Why didn't you warn me?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I did! What part of "insane" do you not understand?
0:02:46 > 0:02:51But...we might be able to fix it with science.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55Remember what Mr Dinsmore taught us in chemistry?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59The home-made stain remover? It's called the Carruthers Compound.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02It works on nearly anything.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04And he made it with just a few normal foods.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Look! I was downloading a film and this came up!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I can't get rid of it!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Ooh! That's the Laughing Clown virus.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16He laughs for a couple of hours, then wipes your hard drive.
0:03:16 > 0:03:21Mum's new laptop! You're not allowed to use that! You're toast!
0:03:21 > 0:03:22You can talk.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24The clown, how do I get rid of him?
0:03:24 > 0:03:28It's extremely difficult. You'll need an actual computer genius.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30CLOWN LAUGHS
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Jamie Stipe!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Stain remover! What do we need?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I'll check. But definitely ginger nuts.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I find they help with the stress.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Grace has launched her little boat
0:03:49 > 0:03:52on the ocean of life.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Where there are many dangers, sharp rocks,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59storms,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01cannibals...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03But what's this?
0:04:03 > 0:04:08A kindly old lighthouse to show her the way, steering her to safety.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11And that's me.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12I am that lighthouse.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Th-that's really nice, Kevin.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Yes, yes, it is.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I'm just going to pop out for a bit.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Hannah, notice anything different about the room? Like our guests?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- All right? - Hi, Hannah. Lovely to see you.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Hannah, you've got to be back by... Hannah!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- Ssh! You'll frighten the baby! - All right!
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Sorry. Sorry. She's fine, she's fine.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Not that I mind her crying. Oh, no, no, no, no.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Some people find it irritating, but to me
0:04:41 > 0:04:45there's no sound more beautiful than the weeping of a small child.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- So back by 11:40 at the latest, OK? - Yes, yes, yes, yes.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Charlie! Where's your shirt?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I thought I'd leave it for church in case it got mucky.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Good idea! Very good! Right, now say hello to the Ruddocks.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Can't, Mum. I'm really busy. - Get in here now!
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Hello, Charlie! Nice to see you.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Yeah.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09You're, erm...cooking?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Yeah. School project about people who are starving to death
0:05:12 > 0:05:14cos they don't have food like this.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16That's wonderful!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- Yeah. Better crack on. - Roger that.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. - Oh, er...likewise.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30He's really settled down.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33BOTH: Yeah, yeah!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44It's turning clear. That's a good sign.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I think we're ready for the first tests.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I've made a small jam stain on this.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Now, we just wait for a few minutes.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Who cares about tests? Let's just do it!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- What if... - Uh!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I can't believe we're not doing proper tests.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20Funny, there's a reckless side of me that's actually kind of enjoying it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33You've fixed it! You're a genius!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Just basic chemistry. I stand on the shoulders of giants.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38ALL: Bah-woooom!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43You have made it worse!
0:06:43 > 0:06:45What have you done? You idiot!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48I told you! I told you we weren't ready!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I don't have proper equipment! I don't have...
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Hey! We want results, not excuses.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Non-performing personnel will be consequenced.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01She means fix it!
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Hi, Jamie! All right?
0:07:12 > 0:07:13My lady...?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Still doing all that knight stuff then?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Brilliant! You know you're really good at computers...?
0:07:21 > 0:07:22CLOWN LAUGHS
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- I've got a virus. - Ooh!
0:07:26 > 0:07:31The Merry Jester - a most grievous ailment of the computational engine.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Wha'?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Please. The drawbridge is down, you may enter the castle.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43CLOWN LAUGHS
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Think you can fix it?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Verily.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55But I ask a small boon in return.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57That you shall be my lady at the tourney.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58CLOWN LAUGHS
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I literally have no idea what you're talking about.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Upon the hour, the knights of the realm gather at the castle.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06You shall come as my lady.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09I'd love to, but I don't have time.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11If you could fix that then I'll come back...
0:08:11 > 0:08:12It must be today
0:08:12 > 0:08:16because then I will be the envy of all the other knights,
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- even Martin Thompson.- I don't have the clothes you see.- Fear not!
0:08:27 > 0:08:31A damsel's dress for a damsel in distress.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33HE LAUGHS
0:08:33 > 0:08:34CLOWN LAUGHS
0:08:36 > 0:08:3911:10. If I put her down, she'll get nearly an hour.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40I'll take her.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43It's important Grace and I start the bonding process.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48Thanks, Kevin. It's really nice, the way you're taking this on.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51GURGLES AT BABY
0:08:51 > 0:08:53BABY BREAKS WIND
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Oh! Er...I think she needs...
0:08:57 > 0:08:58I think she needs changing.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Nappies and wipes - they're in the red bag by the bed.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Oh, OK. Right. Yes...
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Aw! Lovely, isn't it? You and Gracie...bonding.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Yay.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Oh, go on! I'll help. I can't resist those big, sad eyes.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17The baby's, not yours.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Dad was right.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23It says on the internet if you're bad, you go to hell.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Er...well, some people...
0:09:25 > 0:09:29You have to be good, I don't want to be in heaven if you're not there.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Aw! Sweet!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34If you have got to do something bad, get Dad to do it.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Silly! Then I won't be in heaven, will I?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Stinky nappy!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Take this, and pass me a clean one will you?
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Just a second.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01It's a nappy, not anthrax!
0:10:01 > 0:10:05You've never understood! I've a weak stomach and the famous Enright nose.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- I am like a bloodhound. - Just take it!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:10:10 > 0:10:11HE WRETCHES
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Stop it! You're going to frighten her!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16You sound like a dying water buffalo!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20He's a silly man, isn't he?
0:10:20 > 0:10:25No! No! No! Sensitive, I'm like a racehorse.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26It's a blessing and a curse.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30He's a silly, silly man! Yes, he is.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31The Carruthers compound,
0:10:31 > 0:10:36it works by a sort of phase shift through the acid alkaline.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Ben! Tell us what's happening or I WILL hurt you.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43The green, it fades away after 90 minutes taking the stain with it.
0:10:43 > 0:10:4690 minutes! We'll be in the church by then!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Sorry, I should have spotted the time delay.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Didn't scroll down far enough.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56Too lazy to scroll. You've got no chance when society collapses.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Maybe it'll wash off.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03It won't. And if you try, it'll turn orange.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05You see, it reacts with the oxygen...
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I have no choice, I've got to try!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09If my mum sees my shirt...
0:11:10 > 0:11:11..I'm dead!
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Alison, get some water. - Roger that!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Such a song and dance about changing one nappy!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23No! Don't wash her with that!
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- What? Why? - Because it's not hygienic!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28She's a baby, you can't use any old washcloth!
0:11:28 > 0:11:33I have finished now anyway. Right, time for your nap now.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37And henceforth,
0:11:37 > 0:11:41you shall fight the mightiest battle you have ever fought.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43And all for me.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46The damsel. Are you ready?
0:11:46 > 0:11:47KNIGHTS: Yes!
0:11:49 > 0:11:50My goodly knights...
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- It's a real girl!- No!
0:11:55 > 0:11:58She's wearing the Guinevere! You never let me wear it!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I told you. You're too big.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I am not big, I'm...willowy.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06This is my Lady Hannah. She will be our Queen.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08All right?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10To thine service, I do pledge my sword.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12To Queen Hannah.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17ALL: Queen Hannah! Long live the Queen!
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Long live the Queen!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Er...at ease.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22MOBILE RINGS
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Hello?- Hannah! Where are you?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Erm...kind of hard to explain.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31We're leaving for the church in 20 minutes. Get back here!
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- That might be slightly... - Just come home!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39All right, can we get on with it?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41"Can we get on with it?"
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Damsel! She doesn't have a clue!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Speak no ill of my lady!
0:12:44 > 0:12:48For though thou art a maid, doubt not I will bash thee!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51THEY ALL PROTEST
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Maybe it'll be all right. Maybe Dad rinsed the washcloth.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Doubtful. He was under pressure, he wasn't thinking clearly.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02It'll be fine.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Maybe just the faintest green tint, barely noticeable.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Yes! She's perfect!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Ssh! You'll frighten her!
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Blanket's not in the regulation position.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Now look what you've done!
0:13:26 > 0:13:28My parents will be so ashamed.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30They bought me my first chemistry set
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and I've used my knowledge for evil.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Can you fix her or not?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36No way! Not before the christening.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39The tabloids will love this.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43"Evil Boy Scientist Creates Mutant Baby".
0:13:43 > 0:13:44I've got it!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Your little brother, Jack, he's the same age as Grace, right?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Bit older. - That's it! We'll swap them!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Sorry? What?
0:13:52 > 0:13:53We'll get Jack, bring him here,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56put him in Grace's white dress and bonnet,
0:13:56 > 0:13:58take him to the church for the christening.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Are you saying, christen the wrong baby?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Exactly. It'll be enough time for Grace to get back to normal.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Then we swap them back.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10It's bold, it's unexpected, it's Hannibal crossing the Alps.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14It's unexpected because it's insane!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16We can't swap babies!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Why not? They all look the same.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19Please, Charlie!
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Let's just go down and make a clean breast of it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26OK, we'll have to accept our punishment, but in the long run...
0:14:26 > 0:14:28SHE DIALS
0:14:28 > 0:14:31It's astonishing. I'm always right, but...no-one ever listens.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Hi, Mum!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Remember you were saying Jack should go on more play dates?
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Well, there's a cute little baby over at Charlie's...
0:14:39 > 0:14:41You'll drop him over? Great.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44We are go!
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Back! You vile knave. Back, you low-born knave!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Eat my metal sword. Die! Back!
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Tempus! Tempus!
0:14:58 > 0:15:05My lady, it is not permitted to use sorcerer's engines during tourney.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Huh?
0:15:06 > 0:15:10The engines of...the thing that is in thy hand.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11My phone?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15I know not this word. But set it to mute.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Look, I've got to bounce.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- If thou departest... - I know, you can't fix my computer.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21But I've really got to go.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22If thou wishest.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28But I just wanted to say I really enjoyed today.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29It was great.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31For real?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Yeah. Erm... are knights allowed out on dates?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I see no reason...
0:15:36 > 0:15:40I was just going to say, we should go out some time, to the cinema.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41I know not this word.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44(But, yeah, definitely.)
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Well, that's if I'm not grounded.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Oh! The engine of computation.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58Yeah, my mum, the evil queen, she will lock me in a high tower
0:15:58 > 0:16:00if she gets fed up for many weeks.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Cruel.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05It would be because then we'd have to wait ages for our date.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Give it here.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I told Hannah to be back at 20 to. I mean, what is wrong with her?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Doh! That was for after lunch!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Don't worry about the sponge, Helen.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Lunch is about so much more than that.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23It's a coming together, a...
0:16:23 > 0:16:24I'll get it out the bin.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29There we go. That's not that bad.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32It's fine. It's fine. We'll just, erm...
0:16:32 > 0:16:34cut slices from the good bit.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36But it's dirty!
0:16:36 > 0:16:37HE GROANS
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- It's a sin!- Ssh!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Why would you do this, Mum?
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Why? Don't you want to go to heaven?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Brilliant! Him and Grace, they're almost identical.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Don't be ridiculous, he's almost twice her size!
0:16:58 > 0:17:00It's like a chicken next to a turkey.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Horsey. - He talks! He actually talks!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Just some basic military terms. Jack, look!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Let's just get him in the christening outfit.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Hi, Dad!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19What have you done?
0:17:19 > 0:17:24What? Nothing! Actually, something really good.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Grace woke up, so I dressed her for the christening.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Right. Where is she?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31I like to do these little things to help.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Charlie! Where is she?
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Alison!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Who's that?
0:17:47 > 0:17:48What are you on about? It's Grace!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Charlie, you've got three seconds.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57All right. But Grace is fine. It's not as bad as it looks.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- Right, Ben?- Horsey.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Of course. It's completely non-toxic.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04She'll have a full recovery.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Non... What are you talking about?! Where is she?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Oh, she's perfectly fine!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Yeah...most of her.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Ooh! Wha...?!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- What?- Ben - he tried to make a stain remover...
0:18:30 > 0:18:31but it went a bit wrong.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36We're going to have to wash it off!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39It's a non-washable technology at this point.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Basically, we have to leave her like that for an hour
0:18:42 > 0:18:44or she'll turn orange.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46What kind of idiot paints a baby green?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48One like you?
0:18:48 > 0:18:52The washcloth in the bathroom... it was contaminated.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Yeah! That's right. You cleaned a little baby with a dirty washcloth.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Oh, I'm not a good man.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09I've ruined my own goddaughter's christening!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Not necessarily.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20See? The stain fades out perfectly.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- So...?- So it's proof. Grace will go back to normal in an hour.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25I need to stall the Ruddocks,
0:19:25 > 0:19:27then they'll never know I can't be trusted!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Easy. Alison will ring the house.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34You answer, pretend it's the vicar, say the christening's been delayed.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37- Right?- Me and Ben will nip down to the church,
0:19:37 > 0:19:40tell the vicar the Ruddocks have been held up. Sorted!
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Yes. Yes. That might just work!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Yes, Alison, ring the house phone in three minutes.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Roger that.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Do you really think the vicar will listen to us?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Nah, grown-ups never do, do they?
0:19:53 > 0:19:57But we'll figure out a way to delay the christening.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00It's my mum. I think she's going to hell.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Where's Grace?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17She looks so peaceful I thought I'd let her sleep till we're all ready.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19We are ready.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21We're due at the church in 15 minutes.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Mm-hm.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Kevin, go and get Grace!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27All right, all right! Oh, was that the phone?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Did anyone else hear the phone then? I'm sure...
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Uh-oh, operational glitch. B&B house phone engaged!
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I can't believe Hannah's not back! She is so grounded. Where's Charlie?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Where's the phone? Who has the phone?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46And she lies, too. Do you think she'll go to hell?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Louie! Get off the phone! - Stop! I'm talking to Mrs Mullan.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53- Your teacher?- I'm trying to save your immortal soul.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Give me the... Give me!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Mrs Mullan! Yes, sorry about that. I know, he gets these ideas.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05OK. You, too. Bye-bye.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09OK. OK, Charlie! We're off now!
0:21:09 > 0:21:13If there's anything you need to do, probably best to do it right now!
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Kevin, what are you doing? Go and get Grace!
0:21:16 > 0:21:17PHONE RINGS
0:21:17 > 0:21:18Whah!
0:21:20 > 0:21:25Hello? Ah, Vicar! How are you?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Oh. Oh, I see. Yes, well...
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Not a problem, Vicar. Thank you for letting us know, Vicar.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Bye, Vicar.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34- That was the vicar.- You don't say!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36There's been a bit of a backlog at the font
0:21:36 > 0:21:39so they want us to wait for an hour.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Oh, well, never mind. Kevin can make us some sandwiches.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46- And I've got a beautiful sponge. - That sponge?
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Or biscuits! I've got some biscuits too. Lovely biscuits!
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Yes. So, sandwiches, we've got chicken, we have got ham.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Bread - we've got white, and green. BROWN!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Not green! Why did I say green? That's mad! Let's have a sandwich!
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Ah, Mr And Mrs Royson, yes? And this is Oscar. Hello, Oscar.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13What if we delay the vicar by drawing him
0:22:13 > 0:22:18into a conversation about monastic bee-keeping in the Middle Ages?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20What?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I know a lot about it. I can keep him talking for hours.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Just cause a distraction while I pour this in the font.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29The stain remover! It will turn the baby's head green!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Exactly. And that should delay the christening for a bit.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- Charlie, I really don't... - Distraction!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37So, welcome, welcome. Let's begin.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45We are gathered here to celebrate the christening of..
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Oscar Royson and...
0:22:47 > 0:22:51# We're walking in the air
0:22:51 > 0:22:56# We're floating in the moonlit sky
0:22:56 > 0:23:01# The people far below are sleeping as we fly. #
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- I'm sorry.- Who are you?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07I'm the singer from...Shrimpton's?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09I didn't order a singer! Be quiet!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12What are you...?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15You! You're the boy that ruined that wedding!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Ben! Run!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Come back here! You little...!
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Sarah, sandwiches!
0:23:26 > 0:23:28I just want to check on Grace.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32No! No! No! No! Best let her sleep.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Sorry...?
0:23:33 > 0:23:35You know...Grace, it's a big day.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37I think we it's best to let her sleep.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39We have got some ham, chicken...
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Kevin, I want to wake her. - No! No! I am the godfather.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45I intend to do the right way, even if it's not popular.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48No! No! My house, my rules, Sarah.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Come on, Charlie.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Begone, vile sprite!
0:24:05 > 0:24:06You did it!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10My lady, it does me good to see the sorrow leave your face.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11Yeah...
0:24:11 > 0:24:15So, later... the palace of magical pictures?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Sorry, Stipe, won't be happening.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20First thing you've got to learn about damsels
0:24:20 > 0:24:22is we're not to be trusted.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27My lady, thou hast played me like a lute.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I don't know! He just said it had gone wrong!
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- We need to run an extraction. - Ssh-ssh! Someone's coming!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Fall back!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40What did you say to Sarah? She's really quite upset.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42I just thought it was best to leave Grace sleeping.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Denying her access to her own child!
0:24:45 > 0:24:48They asked you to be godfather, not Supreme Ruler of the Universe.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49No! No! No! No! Helen! No!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52No! I am the godfather and I forbid you to wake Grace!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55We are going to have a little chat later. Subject - you.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58- Get out... - No! No! No! No!
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Helen, no! You will not enter.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Helen, it's not my fault! I did not know about the Carruthers.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06What are you on about?
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- I was enchanted by a pretty face. - Not that pretty if I'm honest.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21But henceforth, I will be steadfast in the knightly ways.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I will look no more at damsels.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24- Keep up!- I'm coming!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Stop them!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28A quest! We must help this goodly friar!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Seize them! They are meat for the gallows!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33ALL: Argh!
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Her little face, sleeping. It seemed a shame to wake her.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Look, I don't know what's going on, but we want to see Grace!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Of course you do, yeah. In say...20 minutes?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Now!
0:25:47 > 0:25:50What is the hurry? She's absolutely fine.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54No, Mum! Stop lying! Tell the truth!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Tell them their baby's green!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Seize them! - Sorry, Hannah, move!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17All right. I'll go to the cinema with you!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Just don't mention the laptop to my mum!
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- My lady!- No, Jamie! You said I'm the damsel!
0:26:22 > 0:26:23You said...
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Oh!- My lady!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30My laptop! This is your fault.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34No! No! It's completely harmless! And it wears off!
0:26:34 > 0:26:35This is all your fault!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38You said they're just harmless eccentrics!
0:26:38 > 0:26:39Wait!
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Look, Grace! She's gone back to normal!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Brilliant! And you know what?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47This will make a great story for the christening...
0:26:48 > 0:26:50They came in here!
0:26:53 > 0:26:54What's happening now?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Look at my robes, I have got five more christenings to do.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01And a funeral, I am not going to be able to do any of them like this.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Hannah! Is that my laptop?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09It's fine! It's just a bit more... tablety?
0:27:12 > 0:27:13There he is!
0:27:13 > 0:27:16That's the lad. Look at what he has done to us.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17Sorry, Dad!
0:27:17 > 0:27:20I tried to make the other baby green like you told me to
0:27:20 > 0:27:22but it went a bit wrong!
0:27:22 > 0:27:23No, no! No! No!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25No, I never!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I didn't. No, that is not...
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Charlie!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40How can this be right?
0:27:40 > 0:27:44Polish every candlestick in the church for a month! And for what?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47For trying to clean my shirt for a christening!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49What kind of lesson is that for a child?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51It's a travesty of justice!