0:00:02 > 0:00:05If you want to know why I'm sitting paddling in an empty paddling pool,
0:00:05 > 0:00:08in a dry riverbed, in the middle of Australia, keep watching!
0:00:08 > 0:00:09If you think that's weird,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12the rest of the show will totally blow your mind!
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Iain is in a vest, confessing...
0:00:14 > 0:00:15I just love didgeridoo!
0:00:15 > 0:00:21- Michelle, Sam and Mark...- And my clarinet, made of wood, yes?- Yeah.
0:00:21 > 0:00:29- Johnny... Cel... and Naomi destroys a flag.- You've broken my flag!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34# All over the place
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# All over the place
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# North, South, East, West, on a bizarre quest
0:00:39 > 0:00:42# Me and my mates all over the place
0:00:42 > 0:00:45# It's true what you've heard, everything is absurd
0:00:45 > 0:00:47# Whatever we do is strange, but true
0:00:47 > 0:00:49# All over the place
0:00:49 > 0:00:52# All over the place
0:00:52 > 0:00:55# There's stuff down under that is totally ace
0:00:55 > 0:01:00# And it turns up all over the place! #
0:01:00 > 0:01:03OK, let's start at Fingal Head in New South Wales, where the
0:01:03 > 0:01:06rocks look like the Giants' Causeway in Northern Ireland.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09DIDGERIDOO DRONES
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Iain, I am loving your new band. What did you say they were called?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15My band? They're called Three Haggis, One DJ.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17It's a great sound, no-one else is doing this.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20What we've done is we've just sort of sampled some didgeridoo...
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Oh, that's what it is, didgeridoo! It's very heavy on the didgeridoo.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27- Well, there's other elements as well.- Well, it's mostly didgeridoo.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29DIDGERIDOO DRONES
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Hang on a minute. This phone's not even on!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36It's just a bloke playing the didgeridoo.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Yeah, that's it, that's John. I'm not even in a band.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I just love didgeridoo!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Didgeri-don't lie to me again.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Didgeridoos are Aboriginal wind instruments over 2,000 years old
0:01:51 > 0:01:53and they are still played today.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57That's some pretty old wind right there! It might smell a bit.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00John has been playing these instruments for not quite 2,000
0:02:00 > 0:02:03years, but 35, which is long enough to make him something of an expert.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Ed, I'll be honest with you, these things are massive
0:02:06 > 0:02:11- and pretty awesome, but I've no idea how to play one.- Me neither.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15What we need is an All Over The Place step-by-step guide,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17to help us. It can't be that difficult, can it?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Let's find out, shall we?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Every time you hear didgeri-do, you're doing it right.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25When you hear didgeri-don't, you're doing it wrong.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26So, step one...
0:02:29 > 0:02:31This is what I need, a nice tree trunk,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33because those things are pretty big.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Ed, that's far too big, mate, you want one of these.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Travel didgeridoo, fits neatly in your rucksack.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46You need something about this size here. About a metre and a half.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48It's been eaten out by termites.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50So, you don't carve it out, the termites carve it out?
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Yeah, the termites do it.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Now, this one is a no-brainer. I used to play the recorder at school.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00It's just like that, isn't it? You hold it like this. WHOO!
0:03:00 > 0:03:04- It's quite heavy.- Ed, I used to be a rock 'n' roll star, OK?
0:03:04 > 0:03:09- You play it like a guitar. - So obviously not right!
0:03:11 > 0:03:15You need to rest it on the ground, then you play it from the other end.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18DIDGERIDOO DRONES
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- Oh, 'ello! I'm pretty good at the old breathing, Ed.- Yeah!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I don't mean to boast, I'm pretty good, too.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I think this is definitely a didgeri-do we're getting now.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33To play this instrument, guys,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36you need to learn a technique called circular breathing.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Ed is great at this, John. - Oh, yeah, look at this.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44HE PANTS
0:03:45 > 0:03:47He means this.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49HE PANTS
0:03:50 > 0:03:54To learn the technique, boys, you need to inhale through your nose
0:03:54 > 0:03:56and exhale through your mouth, like this.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01DIDGERIDOO DRONES
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- Wow, so you just keep on blowing for ever.- And ever and ever!
0:04:06 > 0:04:11ED PLAYS DIDGERIDOO BADLY
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Ed!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Ed!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19- You're getting quite good at that! - I'm getting a note out.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20I think with enough practice,
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- I could play in a famous orchestra. - That's highly unlikely, Ed.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Yeah, I don't think didgeridoos are allowed in orchestras.
0:04:27 > 0:04:34DIDGERIDOO DRONES
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Oh, that is brilliant, boss, you nailed that solo.- Thanks, mate.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I like that bit at the end, when it goes all crazy.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Excuse me, excuse me. You do know you shouldn't be sitting here with that?
0:04:44 > 0:04:50- This is the woodwind section, yeah? - Yes.- And this is wood, yeah?- Yes.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Eucalyptus wood, to be precise. - Yes.- And this...
0:04:53 > 0:04:56HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- ..is wind. Yeah?- Yes.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Looks like I'm in the right section, then!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04No, I mean the didgeridoo shouldn't be in this part of the orchestra.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Oh, right! Oh, that's OK then, because this isn't a didgeridoo.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- It's a yidaki, or a mandapul. - Or a paampu.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Depending on the name of the Aboriginal tribe that made it.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Didgeridoo is just the name European settlers gave it.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Because it sounds like this.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22# Didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo... #
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Yes, OK, thank you very much! Thank you. I'm very aware of that.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I am also aware that the hole
0:05:27 > 0:05:30going down the middle of your "instrument" was made by termites.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35- Termites?- Yes, which are wood-eating little bugs, yes?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Yeah, I know termites. Love eating wood.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- And my clarinet, made of wood, yes?- Yeah.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- And your chair, made of wood, yes?- Yeah...
0:05:47 > 0:05:49CHAIR CRACKS
0:05:51 > 0:05:54And that is precisely why you shouldn't be in the woodwind section!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Hmm!
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Michelle, stop! What are you doing, waving those scissors around?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- You might have someone's eye out! - They're not scissors,
0:06:10 > 0:06:13they're gardening shears, and I'm an adult, I'm allowed to use them.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- And why are you dressed like that? - I'm Edward Safety Scissorhands.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19You should have a pair of these.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Ed, that's ridiculous, I'd never get through a hedge with these.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24That's another thing, why are you trimming hedges?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- You might cut your fingers, young lady!- It's topiary.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29You don't want to cut your toes, either!
0:06:29 > 0:06:34No, trimming a shape out of trees or shrubs is called topiary.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- And all the shapes in this garden are made by one man.- Ooh!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Let's have a go.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Oh!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Great. That's just great.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Should have used safety scissors!
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Hug?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Hi, Neil.- How are you?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Sorry about that Edward Safety Scissorhands thing,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I've chased him off now, you shouldn't have any more trouble.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17That's all right, that'll grow back, that's the beauty of it.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18That's the wonder of plants, I suppose.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21That's the whole thing, it will grow back. Doesn't matter.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24So, Neil, how did you first get into topiary?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Um, I first got into topiary
0:07:26 > 0:07:29when I sort of moved into this town from Melbourne.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31I opened up a little shop and it was
0:07:31 > 0:07:34so quiet that I had to do something, so I started the topiary.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Oh, so it's to bring your customers in?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Yeah, to bring people either into the shop and into the town.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Well, it certainly worked, because here we are.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44This whole town has gone topiary mad!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Railton actually calls itself the Town of Topiary,
0:07:47 > 0:07:50with over 170 in this collection.
0:07:50 > 0:07:55The oldest one dates back to 1999, and it's this horse and farmer.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Want to know how to make a topiary shape?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Make a wire frame in the shape you want.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Plant a bush in the wire frame.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Wait for the bush to grow - this may take a few months,
0:08:05 > 0:08:07so let's skip this step four.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Trim the bush to the shape you want.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13You know what? I can't stand nosy neighbours!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Yeah, that's why I'll never live next door to a giraffe.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18All aboard Topiary the Tank Engine!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Toot-toot!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23There is so much topiary in this town that there is actually
0:08:23 > 0:08:26a tourist map showing you where it all is, which is good,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28otherwise you could end up being really BUSHED
0:08:28 > 0:08:31trying to find them all before you LEAF!
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Hmm. Topiary has been an inspiration to many over the centuries.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Wasn't there a famous writer
0:08:36 > 0:08:38who couldn't stop mentioning it in his plays?
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your shears!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Are you talking about William Shakespeare?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Because I'm sure it was, "Lend me your ears."
0:08:47 > 0:08:50No, he was talking to his gardening friends at the time.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51He also wrote the famous line,
0:08:51 > 0:08:56"Topiary or not topiary, that is the question."
0:08:56 > 0:09:00To be or not to be... Oh, I get it! That's good, yeah.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Good name for a game show.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07The premise is simple.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12I have hidden beneath a sheet several pieces of Neil's topiary.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- And it is up to Mike here... - Sorry, it's Michelle.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- It's up to Michael here... - No, my name is right there, Michelle!
0:09:18 > 0:09:22..to guess what's beneath the sheet. Is it topiary, or not topiary?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25If he guesses correctly using the eyes in his face,
0:09:25 > 0:09:28he will win a piece of topiary to take home with him.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Look at the sheet and guess what is underneath.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Is it topiary, or not topiary?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- I'm going to say, I think it's topiary...- Don't touch it!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- That's better.- I think it's topiary.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- Correct, it is topiary!- Yes! Yes!
0:09:50 > 0:09:51But unfortunately,
0:09:51 > 0:09:55you should have known that you can't take animals back into the UK
0:09:55 > 0:09:58without a licence, so, you can't keep this prize, unfortunately.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Let's move on.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I want you to look at this
0:10:04 > 0:10:07and guess what it is, is it topiary, or not topiary?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I am going to say topiary.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- It's correct!- Get in!- It's topiary!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Unfortunately, you can't take her home, because she is a plant,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19planted into the ground, it just wouldn't be feasible.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20I don't know why I ever thought it would be.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29What is beneath this sheet? Is it topiary, or not topiary?
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- Um, I'm going for topiary.- It has been topiary, hasn't it?- Yeah.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37The last two times. But you are incorrect! It's not topiary.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Unfortunately, you can't take this home with you, because this
0:10:40 > 0:10:44is one of our researchers and she needs to make me a cup of tea!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- So, I don't win anything? - No, you have won absolutely nothing.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54As Shakespeare would say, join me next time, game show fans!
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Where's my tea?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08In which sport is it very important to be able to jump really high?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10High jump.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12That's actually not the one I was thinking of, no,
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- you have to be able to run as well. - Easy. Long jump.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- No, no, it involves punching. - Boxing.- No, no, punching a ball.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23- Volleyball.- No, you can kick it as well.- Rugby. Football, football!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25No, OK, I'll give you a really good clue now.
0:11:25 > 0:11:30- The rules are similar to that, but it's Aussie.- Aussie...
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- rugby football rules game? Is that it?- No, it's Aussie rules football!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Oh!- You must have heard of Aussie rules football.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38That's why I brought you here,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41to the largest Aussie rules football stadium in South Australia!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- Oh, right!- Can't believe you didn't know what Aussie rules football was.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48- Sorry. So, how do you play it? What are the rules?- Um, I don't know.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51This is Adelaide Stadium, which is indeed the largest Aussie rules
0:11:51 > 0:11:54football ground in this part of the world.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57It was built in 1972 and is home to two local clubs.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05There are 18 teams that play in the AFL -
0:12:05 > 0:12:07short for Australian Football League.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10And Aussie rules is by far the most watched sport down under.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12So, it does indeed rule!
0:12:14 > 0:12:15'Ed and Naomi!
0:12:15 > 0:12:19'You have 40 seconds to find out as much as you can about
0:12:19 > 0:12:22'Aussie rules football and this massive stadium.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26'Ed, you have Garry, who knows all about the game.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30'Naomi, you have Justin, who knows all about the stadium.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34'Three, two, one, go!'
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- Are you ready, Justin?- Yes, I am. - When was the stadium built?- 1974.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43What games is Aussie rules football a combination of?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46It's a mix of rugby and football.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- How big is it from end to end? - Too big!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51You touch it with your hands, don't you?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- We do, yeah.- So, why do you call it football?!- I'm not sure.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- We handball and kick...- It doesn't make any sense, Australia!
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Do Aussies rule? - Oh, yeah, of course they do.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Why don't people just play rugby
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- or just play football? - We love the oval ball.
0:13:03 > 0:13:08- How many meat pies would you sell per game?- About 8,500.- No way!- Yes!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- How many players in a team? - Normally 18.
0:13:11 > 0:13:1318 on the field and up to four off the field.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Why is your pitch oval shaped? - Because it's shaped like a football.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18KLAXON SOUNDS
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Oh, we're out of time! Top work, Justin.
0:13:20 > 0:13:25'And the person who found out the most facts is... Naomi!'
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Yes! Yes!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Don't get ahead of yourselves, you are both off to meet
0:13:30 > 0:13:33the person who really rules Aussie rules, the umpire.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42You can hit, punch, kick and run with it, throwing is illegal.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45And if you do run with it, you need to bounce it every 15m.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50You can play the ball in any direction you want,
0:13:50 > 0:13:53just don't forget which way you're trying to score a goal!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57You are actually allowed to use another player's back to get
0:13:57 > 0:13:58up high and catch a ball.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01If you do catch the ball when it's really high,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04this is called a speccy, as in spectacular.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Rule four, you can tackle a player below the shoulders
0:14:09 > 0:14:12but you can't punch, push in the back or trip anyone up.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Rule five, to score a goal of six points,
0:14:15 > 0:14:17you must kick between the centre posts.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19If you miss and hit between the outer posts, you can
0:14:19 > 0:14:21still score one point.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Rule six, the umpire's word is final.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28His and his and his and his and his and his and his and his...
0:14:28 > 0:14:31That's because there are nine umpires in every game.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37So now you know the rules, it's time to learn to be an umpire,
0:14:37 > 0:14:38like Chris here.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Skill number one, running backwards.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41So what we're going to do,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43we're going to run out to that red footy
0:14:43 > 0:14:46and we're going to run backwards and run back here.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47So let's see what you guys have.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Running backwards out there and then back?- She's already gone.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56- And then back again. What have you done with the football?- Easy.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Now skill number two is a really difficult one.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02This is called the umpires' bounce, different from the players' bounce.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Now an umpire does a bounce after every single goal
0:15:04 > 0:15:07or at the start of every single quarter and...
0:15:08 > 0:15:11I'm so going to hit myself in the face doing that.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14I can see why that happens.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18You feel really stupid when you do that.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20That's not too bad, not too bad. It went a bit off to the left,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23but next time you've got to get down nice and low.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31- It almost hit me.- What are you trying to do to the man?- So sorry.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33- Flag-waving.- I think I might be better at this.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38- You do three things, you go across, out, and then down.- Starting up...
0:15:40 > 0:15:45Very good. That's fantastic. Second one. Bit easier, you wave one flag.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Umpires use flags to show a team has scored.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Two flags means a goal and six points, one flag means one point.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- You broke my flag. - You've really got it in for him.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- He's done nothing to you, this man. - I'm sorry.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- He's done nothing to you. - I'm so sorry.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Oh!- And my flag's broken again. - That was her fault.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08She did that first.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10As you two have destroyed every flag,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12maybe an umpire's job isn't for you,
0:16:12 > 0:16:16but, Ed, there is a role in Aussie rules that you could fly right into.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20All of a sudden I'm feeling like Aussie rules
0:16:20 > 0:16:22doesn't rule quite so much.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Bye. Off you go.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- SQUAWK! - Wave those arms. That's it, legs up.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- SQUAWK! - Mind the post.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Ed, I am so looking forward to this water park, are you ready?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Thanks for bringing me. I cannot wait.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Yes, I've got a bit of bad news re the water park.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- We are going to Atlantis Marine Park, right, here in Two Rocks?- Yes.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Yes, well, great, because I've got a brochure,
0:16:55 > 0:16:56and the things we can go do.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Look, they've got penguins, turtles, pelicans,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01dolphins and King Neptune! Look out, it looks amazing.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Yes, looked amazing. Looked amazing.- And the dolphin shows.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07You know what they're like, sitting in the front row.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08We're going to get soaked.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- Would have got soaked. We would have got soaked.- Ed...
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Why do you keep putting everything I say in the past tense?
0:17:15 > 0:17:21- Cos, I'm afraid, Cel, the water park is closed.- Closed?
0:17:21 > 0:17:28- What time did it shut?- Oh, let's see now, about August 1990.- What?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Let me explain.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31# Once upon a time
0:17:31 > 0:17:33# Several years ago
0:17:33 > 0:17:36# In 1981 or thereabouts
0:17:36 > 0:17:39# Atlantis Marine Park was the place to go
0:17:39 > 0:17:43# And, boy, did they have something to shout about
0:17:43 > 0:17:44# Dolphins, turtles, seals
0:17:44 > 0:17:45# Impressive water shows
0:17:45 > 0:17:49# Statues of celebrities carved in stone
0:17:49 > 0:17:50# It was all going so well
0:17:50 > 0:17:51# But suddenly it closed
0:17:51 > 0:17:55# Now it's left desolate and overgrown
0:17:56 > 0:17:59# It's long gone, sorry, Cel
0:17:59 > 0:18:01# You'll find I'm right
0:18:01 > 0:18:04# All that's left of this abandoned theme park
0:18:04 > 0:18:08# Is what looks like an archaeological site
0:18:08 > 0:18:10# Cos it's all just bubble when you walk in
0:18:12 > 0:18:14# No dolphins here at all
0:18:14 > 0:18:18# Just left to go to rack and ruin
0:18:18 > 0:18:21# With graffiti on the walls
0:18:21 > 0:18:23# Oh, no
0:18:23 > 0:18:26# Rubble, rubble, rubble
0:18:26 > 0:18:29# Oh, no
0:18:29 > 0:18:32# It's all just rubble, rubble...
0:18:35 > 0:18:37# The park ran out of cash
0:18:37 > 0:18:38# Trading had to cease
0:18:38 > 0:18:41# A massive disappointment to every child
0:18:41 > 0:18:44# The animals they kept had to be released
0:18:44 > 0:18:48# And rehabilitated back into the wild
0:18:48 > 0:18:51# Some things still remain slightly worse for wear
0:18:51 > 0:18:54# King Neptune still stands here tall and proud
0:18:54 > 0:18:55# Other statues too
0:18:55 > 0:18:57# Scattered here and there
0:18:57 > 0:19:01# Silently they wait for the tourist crowds
0:19:01 > 0:19:05# And it's long gone, sorry, Cel
0:19:05 > 0:19:06# It's in no doubt
0:19:06 > 0:19:10# But I'll admit as far as theme parks go
0:19:10 > 0:19:13# It's not your traditional fun day out
0:19:13 > 0:19:16# Cos now it's all just rubble when you walk round
0:19:16 > 0:19:19# No sea life here to see
0:19:19 > 0:19:22# No penguins, turtles, can be found
0:19:22 > 0:19:25# But at least admission's free
0:19:25 > 0:19:28# Oh, no
0:19:28 > 0:19:32# Rubble, rubble, rubble, rubble
0:19:32 > 0:19:35# Oh, no... #
0:19:35 > 0:19:38OK, I've got it, Ed, no need to go to so much trouble.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Ed, remind me why we're doing this again?- Because there's no better way
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- to get ready for the big race.- Yes, are you sure about that, are you?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Well, not in the slightest, to be honest,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02but I heard this is the world's oldest river race,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- so I thought it was worth a try.- Hang on a minute.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07If this is supposed to be a river race, then where's the river?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- You're in it. - How does it work, then?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Look, just trust me, this is the river, come on, keep paddling.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18Er, Ed, something tells me we're doing this wrong.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Yes, you might be right.- Follow that kayak.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23If we're quick, we can catch her.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Guys, there's something you need to under-sand!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32This is the Henley-on-Todd Regatta in Alice Springs.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36It's one of the most famous odd events in Australia.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Every year, people race up and down the dried-up bed of the Todd River.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45This is the 52nd annual regatta.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48It began back in 1962 and in all those years,
0:20:48 > 0:20:50it's only been cancelled once.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54The reason - it rained and there was too much water, making this the
0:20:54 > 0:20:57only river race in the world that gets cancelled if people get wet.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Sounds right up our street or should I say river bed?
0:21:02 > 0:21:06I don't want to be against those guys when we're racing.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I think my boat's turned up there, Jonny. Where's yours?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Hello, Henley-on-Todd Aussie sailors.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Hello there. Hello.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19What is it about the middle of Australia
0:21:19 > 0:21:20that makes people behave like this?
0:21:20 > 0:21:21It's the heat.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Well, looks like the heat got to you two.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29I'd just like to point out that all these people are queuing up
0:21:29 > 0:21:31for a boat race with no water. This is bonkers.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36Every year, around 4,500 people come to watch the regatta
0:21:36 > 0:21:40and over 350 of them take part in these wacky races too.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Anyone can sign up, you can race in the bathtub derby,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47do some sand skiing, sand surf on a boogie board,
0:21:47 > 0:21:50ride what looks like a giant hamster wheel
0:21:50 > 0:21:52and loads of other just as silly things,
0:21:52 > 0:21:56but today Ed and Jonny are going to take part in the kayak races.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59So they'll need a pair of kayaks, then.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02And fortunately, there are a couple of spares.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03These must be our kayaks.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Oh, yeah, I've just got to work out which one floats my boat.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Yes, an important decision this, it's sink or swim.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Oh, enough with the puns already.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14And anyway they both look the same,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16so just pick one, you pair of drongos.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- Oh, dry up, voice-over man. - He does have a point, though, Ed.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25Yeah, I suppose so. In fact, they're far too similar. Let's decorate.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28The ship that Captain Cook discovered Australia in was
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- called the Endeavour, so I'm calling mine the HMS Ed-eavour.- Genius.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36The Aussies are going to love it. What are you going to call yours?
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I'm going to call mine Pittsy's Pirate Piranha.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Aw-w! You look like you're having fun there, boys.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Well, sticking stickers is about your level right enough.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52It that a confession, Ed? No, it's sabotage.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- What's that?- What?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- What? That wasn't me. - That's childish, Ed.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59No, you must have written that when you are getting carried away.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10That's what I'm talking about, Pittsy's Pirate Piranha.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Watch out for the bite, Ed.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16To be honest, I think both of your efforts are pretty rubbish.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Maybe you need to find someone with some nautical knowledge.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- Are you like a seasoned sailor?- Aye aye.- Is this your mighty vessel?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25This is my mighty vessel. Welcome aboard.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28I have to say, our vessels aren't going to be anywhere
0:23:28 > 0:23:31near as mighty as that one, but have you got any tips for the kayak race?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34OK, you need strong muscles to hold up your boat.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Strong legs to power your boat. Keep the nose up.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- Oh, that's a good tip, nose up. - And don't fall over.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43What's your top tip for taking part in the event?
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Thin soles on your shoes. - Thin soles on my shoes.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- I've got thick soles, so I'm in trouble?- Yeah.- Great.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Thanks for building my confidence, Jacob. Thanks a lot.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54What's your top tip?
0:23:54 > 0:23:58How do I win an event at the Henry-on-Todd Regatta?
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Tell me now, quick! Don't tell him. tell me quick.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03BOY SHOUTS
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- Right, brilliant, thank you. - I missed that.- A bit of knowledge.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Well, that's what the public think, so how are you feeling, guys?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Seems like there are so many obstacles against you,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16it's like, it's baking hot, there's sand all over the place...
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- It's really dusty. - It's hard to run in the sand.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21- And those metal frames are heavy. - Yeah, they're really...
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Yes, they are. They're heavier than they look.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27"They look heavier than they look!" Oh, get over yourself, mate.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30It's time for the kayak race. The rules are very simple.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33When the race begins, you have to run 50 metres as fast
0:24:33 > 0:24:37as you can in the sandy river bed while carrying a kayak.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41You go round the barrel and then run 50 metres back again.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43The fastest racers go into the final.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46And first up to give it a go is Jonny.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Here we go - out first.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I'm going to show him how it's done...I think.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57Jonny, try not to be rubbish. I know your find it hard.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59OK, start-up, it's in your hands now.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Oh, here he goes. Jonny's lagging behind them.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Don't fall over, Jonny,
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Don't fall over, Jonny!
0:25:21 > 0:25:22So can you do better, Ed?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24No pressure, there, Ed.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- I didn't come last, did I? - No pressure, no pressure.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- So you don't really want to come last, do you?- No pressure at all.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Go away, Jonny, go away. I am quite worried, actually.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34That guy fell over, looked nasty.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36STARTING GUN FIRES
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Oh, look at that!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Oh, this is quite difficult.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Oh, no, the wind's against me.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Arrggh!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00So one question remains.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Don't know if either of us are through to the final yet.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Can I just say at this point,
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I definitely want to beat you still, but I was quite impressed with you?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10At least you didn't come last and neither did I.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12No, we did all right, didn't we? We did all right.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14I'm just saying this just in case I've lost.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I'm still hoping I smash you.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20Steady on, Ed. Neither of you made the actual final, so, instead,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23you're taking part in a special head-to-head
0:26:23 > 0:26:24All Over The Place decider's heat.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Ed, it was bad enough I didn't make the final,
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- but couldn't you have at least made the final?- I know.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- I've got to race again head-to-head. - I don't want to do it.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- I tell you what, let's just say you won.- All right.- Nah!- Oh.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Only joking. - Knew it was too good to be true.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41I really don't want to do this again.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I also really don't want to lose to Jonny.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47OK, here it goes, I really want to beat him, really want to beat him.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52I'm going to give it everything. Here we go, Jonny. Don't be rubbish.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53STARTING GUN FIRES
0:26:53 > 0:26:55And they're off! And they're going to kayak crazy out there
0:26:55 > 0:26:57and as we come to the turn,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00it's neck and neck and it looks like Jonny is... No, it's Ed.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Ed is going round the turn first. This is going to mean a lot to Ed,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06He's not particularly competitive. It won't matter if he wins or loses,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09he's not going to make a big song and dance out of it.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14Yes! Winner right here. Did you see that? Did you see that?
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Look at that, that's me. That's me, that is!
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Well, guys, have you had a great time here today?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23You're welcome back any time you like.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Now, the big trophy,
0:27:25 > 0:27:27the All Over The Place trophy. The winner is...
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Ed.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32Thank you, Commodore, thank you. It was plain sailing.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34I've got that sinking feeling. BUBBLING
0:27:34 > 0:27:37You've been watching All Over The Place Australia.
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd