Postmen, Pigs and Dachshunds

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:02 > 0:00:04Get set for an action-packed road trip with your CBBC buddies.

0:00:04 > 0:00:08Ed works the catwalk - I mean dogwalk!

0:00:08 > 0:00:10Yes, this dog is hot to trot.

0:00:10 > 0:00:12Naomi works the dance floor.

0:00:12 > 0:00:15- Ben wins the best haircut prize. - Merci.

0:00:15 > 0:00:18Michelle sports a massive pig.

0:00:18 > 0:00:19Look! A massive pig!

0:00:19 > 0:00:23Barney works out what dried coconut is actually made of.

0:00:23 > 0:00:26- Dried coconut. - Hacker and Dodge chillax.

0:00:26 > 0:00:29Sam and Mark are all shook up.

0:00:29 > 0:00:32- And Chris gets a date.- Mmm, mmm.

0:00:34 > 0:00:35# All over the place

0:00:36 > 0:00:38# All over the place

0:00:39 > 0:00:41# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

0:00:41 > 0:00:44# Me and my mates, all over the place!

0:00:44 > 0:00:47# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

0:00:47 > 0:00:49# Whatever we do is strange but true!

0:00:49 > 0:00:50# All over the place

0:00:51 > 0:00:53# All over the place

0:00:54 > 0:00:57# This stuff to do with Europe is totally ace

0:00:57 > 0:01:01- # And it turns up... - # ..all over the place! #

0:01:09 > 0:01:12ED SIGHS

0:01:12 > 0:01:16- You OK, Ed? Got a postcard from a pal?- From Iain.

0:01:16 > 0:01:18He's always going somewhere exotic in the world,

0:01:18 > 0:01:21meeting new people, going to fantastic places.

0:01:21 > 0:01:23He's got a nerve! While we're stuck here!

0:01:23 > 0:01:26Where is the bearded Scotsman this time?

0:01:26 > 0:01:29Southwaite Services, just off the M6.

0:01:29 > 0:01:32And get this - he's in a hotel with a motorway view.

0:01:32 > 0:01:35Some kids TV presenters get ALL the luck!

0:01:35 > 0:01:37- So, where are we today then, Ed? - Oh...

0:01:37 > 0:01:41Just an exotic manmade palace in the south of France.

0:01:41 > 0:01:44Right, let's get to work.

0:01:46 > 0:01:49Those lucky devils! They never send ME a postcard!

0:01:49 > 0:01:51But just look at this palace.

0:01:51 > 0:01:57It was built by hand by one French postman - Ferdinand Cheval.

0:01:57 > 0:02:02He was inspired by the exotic postcards and magazines he delivered.

0:02:02 > 0:02:06So, he decided to build an exotic palace in his back garden.

0:02:06 > 0:02:10And get this - it took him 33 years to complete.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12If you think THAT'S a long time,

0:02:12 > 0:02:17in 2015, a letter was delivered in France

0:02:17 > 0:02:20138 years after it was posted!

0:02:23 > 0:02:25Ed and Ben, you have 38 seconds

0:02:25 > 0:02:31to find out as much as you can about postman Cheval's palace.

0:02:31 > 0:02:36Ben, you have Yanine, who knows all about postman Cheval.

0:02:36 > 0:02:41And Ed, you have Marie Jose, who knows all about the palace.

0:02:41 > 0:02:44Whoever the finds out the most facts is the winner.

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Trois, deux, un, allez!

0:02:47 > 0:02:50OK, so when was postman Cheval born?

0:02:50 > 0:02:53He was born in 1836.

0:02:53 > 0:02:55Why did he build this palace?

0:02:55 > 0:02:57I don't know. Perhaps because it was his dream.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59When did he start building the palace?

0:02:59 > 0:03:02When he was 43 years old in 1879.

0:03:02 > 0:03:04What's it made out of?

0:03:04 > 0:03:09- Er, stones, just stones and cement. - Cement?- Cement.

0:03:09 > 0:03:10So, he was always a postman?

0:03:10 > 0:03:13He also was a baker before he became a postman.

0:03:13 > 0:03:16How many people come and visit it every year?

0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Oh, a lot! More than... - A lot? That's not good enough!

0:03:19 > 0:03:21Did he live in the palace?

0:03:21 > 0:03:24No, because it wasn't built to be lived in.

0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Er... - HORN BLARES

0:03:26 > 0:03:28Oh, that's time. That's time!

0:03:28 > 0:03:33- And the winner is...Ben!- Yes!

0:03:33 > 0:03:36You get to host a special edition of Grande Designs

0:03:36 > 0:03:39with postman Cheval himself.

0:03:43 > 0:03:47Let's meet designer, owner, builder, architect, plasterer,

0:03:47 > 0:03:50artist and postman, Ferdinand Cheval.

0:03:50 > 0:03:55- Bonjour. Shires, oui?- Er...merci.

0:03:56 > 0:04:01Mr Cheval, how on Earth did you come to build this magnificent structure?

0:04:01 > 0:04:04- IN FRENCH ACCENT:- Well, I stumbled across this interesting rock

0:04:04 > 0:04:08one day on my post route. I call it my stumbling block.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10BEN LAUGHS

0:04:10 > 0:04:14I think to myself, "Hmm, interesting shape." I pick it up.

0:04:14 > 0:04:19Playing it back, that was 1879 - the first of many rocks.

0:04:19 > 0:04:21- Shires.- Oui?

0:04:21 > 0:04:23Ah. Merci.

0:04:26 > 0:04:30So, let me guess, Mr Cheval - wildly over budget?

0:04:30 > 0:04:33Non, I spent no money on materials.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35I simply found the stones

0:04:35 > 0:04:39and I push it all around in this - my trusty wheelbarrow.

0:04:39 > 0:04:42Ah, by the way, monsieur, one more for you.

0:04:43 > 0:04:44Bah.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48Mr Cheval, I know you wanted to finish this in a few months.

0:04:48 > 0:04:54- Did you run over schedule? - It took me over 33 years.- Right...

0:04:54 > 0:04:58But, it's still a triumph and truly a grande design.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02I have one more parcel for you.

0:05:03 > 0:05:05So you can build your own palace.

0:05:05 > 0:05:07Uh! Merci...

0:05:07 > 0:05:13A grande design by a great man. Who doesn't like postmen anyway?

0:05:13 > 0:05:16CAR ALARM BLARES

0:05:19 > 0:05:22Ah, the smell of the bins on the breeze,

0:05:22 > 0:05:25the melody of car alarms in the air...

0:05:25 > 0:05:29What could spoil a summer's day in a great British alleyway, Hacks?

0:05:29 > 0:05:33- Tch, I'll tell you what! - Oh, no.- One of them.

0:05:33 > 0:05:37Yes, one of that lot coming down my manor and ruining my chill.

0:05:37 > 0:05:41You know who I'm talking about. Postmen! Oh, they sicken me!

0:05:41 > 0:05:43They put me right off my meat paste smoothie.

0:05:43 > 0:05:45What have they ever done to you?

0:05:45 > 0:05:47They come over here in their funny-looking clothes,

0:05:47 > 0:05:50they stick their hands through our letterboxes

0:05:50 > 0:05:53and deliver stuff covered in those gaudy stamps! Argh!

0:05:53 > 0:05:55If one was to bowl up here,

0:05:55 > 0:05:58I would not be responsible for my actions, yes.

0:05:58 > 0:06:01Just calm yourself down, OK. There's no chance of any postman...

0:06:01 > 0:06:05- Hello! Knock-knock. It's me, the postman.- ..turning up here.

0:06:05 > 0:06:09What?! Woof, woof, woof! Now, get out of my grrr.

0:06:09 > 0:06:11- What's wrong with him? - I'm sorry about my brother.

0:06:11 > 0:06:14- He's not a fan of your lot.- Why?

0:06:14 > 0:06:18Us postmen have been around as long as the Egyptian pyramids.

0:06:18 > 0:06:21Even the Royal Mail's nearly 500 years old.

0:06:21 > 0:06:24We deliver billions of pieces of mail every year.

0:06:24 > 0:06:28Woof, woof, woof! Go away! Grrr, grrr! Arr, arr, arr!

0:06:28 > 0:06:31- That doesn't really help.- But we're the lifeblood of this country.

0:06:31 > 0:06:34Hacks, it turns out you SHOULD like them.

0:06:34 > 0:06:36Yeah, but woof, woof, woof,

0:06:36 > 0:06:38I don't know why, bark, bark, bark,

0:06:38 > 0:06:42I despise you filthy lot, woof, woof, I just do, howl.

0:06:42 > 0:06:44Sorry, mate, he needs help.

0:06:44 > 0:06:48Would it help if I told you that the first stamp, the Penny Black,

0:06:48 > 0:06:53was introduced in 1840 by a man who did loads of good for the community,

0:06:53 > 0:06:57called Sir Rowland Hill, and it cost one penny?

0:06:57 > 0:07:00Woof, woof, woof, grr, grr, grr.

0:07:00 > 0:07:03- No.- What's he doing here, Dodge?

0:07:03 > 0:07:05I can't stand his snivelling little face.

0:07:05 > 0:07:07Get him out of here and his withered old legs!

0:07:07 > 0:07:09I can't control him, I'm afraid.

0:07:09 > 0:07:11I think it's best that you just leave.

0:07:11 > 0:07:14But I've got a parcel here for a Hacker T Dog.

0:07:14 > 0:07:18Woof, woof, that's me! How kind. Thank you. Ah.

0:07:18 > 0:07:20What is it, Hacks?

0:07:20 > 0:07:23Ooh, it's my order from Meatpasteonline.Vom.

0:07:23 > 0:07:27- Look at that! Yum-yum! - Hey, come back! What about me?

0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Is there anything in that bag for me?- Um...no.

0:07:30 > 0:07:33Then there's just one thing I've got to say to you -

0:07:33 > 0:07:35get out of it, scram, go on, stay away from my trashcan

0:07:35 > 0:07:39and don't let me see you down this alleyway ever again!

0:07:39 > 0:07:40DODGE SIGHS

0:07:53 > 0:07:58- What a massive pig! - I'm not a massive pig!

0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Not you! Look! A massive pig!- Whoa!

0:08:01 > 0:08:03We're at the pig museum of Stuttgart, Germany.

0:08:03 > 0:08:05Come on, let's go and have a look inside.

0:08:05 > 0:08:08Oh, no. I'm about to go inside a pig museum.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10I've just been eating a pork bratwurst.

0:08:10 > 0:08:12Don't tell your mates, all right?

0:08:13 > 0:08:17X FACTOR MUSIC

0:08:26 > 0:08:29Erika, tell us why you are so fascinated with pigs?

0:08:29 > 0:08:32- TRANSLATION:- Well, that's a good question.

0:08:32 > 0:08:35At some point in the past, I was given a gift which was a pig

0:08:35 > 0:08:37and I fell in love with it and I found it lovely

0:08:37 > 0:08:39and I wanted to have more pigs.

0:08:39 > 0:08:42- And what's the biggest pig you've got here?- Oh, it's enormous!

0:08:42 > 0:08:45It's the tram that's standing outside.

0:08:45 > 0:08:48I received it from the Swiss tram authority, lovely people,

0:08:48 > 0:08:51who were able to give it away and now it's here and I own it.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54All these pigs must take quite a lot of looking after.

0:08:54 > 0:08:56- Do you need any help? - Yeah, this place must be a pigsty!

0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Come on, Ed, let's go and help clean up.- Good idea.

0:09:00 > 0:09:05Clearly you guys don't know that pigs are actually rather clean animals,

0:09:05 > 0:09:09especially in Erika's museum, which has been open for five years.

0:09:09 > 0:09:11But the weird thing about her museum

0:09:11 > 0:09:14is it used to be a slaughterhouse for pigs!

0:09:14 > 0:09:18Erika's collection is so big it fills three floors

0:09:18 > 0:09:20and 25 rooms of the building.

0:09:20 > 0:09:23There's not a spot of dust in sight.

0:09:23 > 0:09:26But surely the biggest pig in Erika's collection

0:09:26 > 0:09:28could do with a spring clean.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30Ed, it's really clean here.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32I thought pigs were meant to be filthy and disgusting.

0:09:32 > 0:09:34No, they're quite clean animals.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37They're very careful not to soil the areas where they eat and sleep.

0:09:37 > 0:09:40What, so we've been sweating like pigs for nothing?

0:09:40 > 0:09:41Pigs don't sweat either.

0:09:41 > 0:09:44Oh, it seems I need to learn a bit more about pigs somehow.

0:09:44 > 0:09:50Good idea, Michelle. Let's play Porky Pies.

0:09:50 > 0:09:54Question one. Is this true or a porky pie?

0:09:54 > 0:09:58Lie! A pig's squeal can be louder than a motorbike.

0:09:58 > 0:10:01I'm not really sure what a pig's squeal sounds like.

0:10:01 > 0:10:03ED SQUEALS LOUDLY

0:10:03 > 0:10:04Or... Brrrm-brrrm.

0:10:04 > 0:10:08The pig's squeal definitely sounded louder, so I'm going to go for true.

0:10:08 > 0:10:12- It's correct!- Yes!- A motorbike is measured at 100 decibels

0:10:12 > 0:10:16but a pig's squeal can be OVER 100 decibels!

0:10:16 > 0:10:18You've won some bees and honey.

0:10:18 > 0:10:23Money! There you go. Put that in your piggy bank.

0:10:26 > 0:10:31There's a colony of swimming pigs that live on Big Major Cay Island

0:10:31 > 0:10:34in the Caribbean - you know, where they play cricket.

0:10:34 > 0:10:37Is that true or a porky pie?

0:10:37 > 0:10:43- Lie.- Swimming pigs?! I've never heard of that. I'd say porky pie.

0:10:43 > 0:10:47Oh, er, no, it's true. Give us that.

0:10:47 > 0:10:51What?! But that's more than you gave me in the first place!

0:10:51 > 0:10:53- No, it's mine now. - HE SNORTS

0:10:56 > 0:11:02Pigs are used to produce pork, bacon, ham and chicken.

0:11:02 > 0:11:05Is that true or is it a porky pie?

0:11:05 > 0:11:08L... Do I have to keep doing this? Lie.

0:11:08 > 0:11:11You could ask this guy.

0:11:11 > 0:11:12TOY PIG SQUEAKS

0:11:12 > 0:11:14- It's a porky pie.- Correct.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17Chicken's used to make chicken

0:11:17 > 0:11:22but pigs are, indeed, used to make pork, ham and bacon.

0:11:22 > 0:11:26You've won 2p. I've got it here somewhere...

0:11:26 > 0:11:30There you go. Would you Adam and Eve it?

0:11:30 > 0:11:34Believe it. You did very well, but I've got all your money.

0:11:34 > 0:11:38Actually, I need somewhere to keep it. Give us that. Goodbye!

0:11:52 > 0:11:56# This song is all about the boats About the boats

0:11:56 > 0:11:57# In two museums

0:11:57 > 0:11:59# And all about two blokes About two blokes

0:11:59 > 0:12:01# Both Norwegians

0:12:01 > 0:12:03# All about the blokes who sailed the boats

0:12:03 > 0:12:04# So let's go see them

0:12:04 > 0:12:08# All about the boats About the bo-bo-bo-bo-boats

0:12:08 > 0:12:11# The first museum is called the Fram

0:12:11 > 0:12:15# This boat was sailed by Amundsen

0:12:15 > 0:12:18# All of his life he had a goal

0:12:18 > 0:12:22# But he missed out being the first person to get to the North Pole

0:12:22 > 0:12:26# So he took on a new expedition

0:12:26 > 0:12:29# To drift across the Arctic Ocean

0:12:29 > 0:12:32# Onto the Fram he did hop

0:12:32 > 0:12:36# It measured under 40 metres from the bottom to the top

0:12:36 > 0:12:40# He set off telling people he was going north but then

0:12:40 > 0:12:43# He turned it round He turned it round

0:12:43 > 0:12:48# Instead headed for the South Pole That was his secret plan

0:12:48 > 0:12:51# A secret, secret, shh A secret, secret

0:12:51 > 0:12:55# The Fram reached the furthest point south that a boat's ever been

0:12:55 > 0:12:58# The Bay of Wales, the Bay of Wales

0:12:58 > 0:13:03# He trekked to the South Pole Arrived there December 14

0:13:05 > 0:13:07# So what about this boat? About this boat?

0:13:07 > 0:13:09# The Kon-Tiki

0:13:09 > 0:13:10# How on Earth did this one stay afloat?

0:13:10 > 0:13:12# Looks pretty leaky

0:13:12 > 0:13:14# The chances of survival quite remote

0:13:14 > 0:13:16# Let's take a peeky

0:13:16 > 0:13:19# All about this boat About this bo-bo-bo-bo-boat

0:13:19 > 0:13:23# Thor Heyerdahl was an explorer

0:13:23 > 0:13:27# Who was keen on ancient culture

0:13:27 > 0:13:30# He wanted to prove his theory

0:13:30 > 0:13:34# That the Polynesians' ancestors had sailed across the sea

0:13:34 > 0:13:37# And so he built this out of logs

0:13:37 > 0:13:41# And at a speed of just two knots

0:13:41 > 0:13:44# He sailed across the Pacific

0:13:44 > 0:13:48# Took 101 days, you've got to say that's quite a trip

0:13:48 > 0:13:52# 8,000 kilometres is a long way on a raft

0:13:52 > 0:13:55# Very, very, very, very

0:13:55 > 0:13:59# And while on the journey they came across a massive shark

0:13:59 > 0:14:02# Scary, scary, ooh, scary, scary

0:14:02 > 0:14:07# Tried to cross the Atlantic on a reed boat called the Ra

0:14:07 > 0:14:09# He didn't make it He didn't make it

0:14:09 > 0:14:14# He rebuilt and tried again This time it sailed pretty far

0:14:15 > 0:14:19# This song was all about the boats About the boats

0:14:19 > 0:14:20# In their museums

0:14:20 > 0:14:22# And all about two blokes About two blokes

0:14:22 > 0:14:24# Both Norwegians

0:14:24 > 0:14:26# All about the blokes who sailed the boats

0:14:26 > 0:14:27# And now you've seen them

0:14:27 > 0:14:31# You know all about the boats About the bo-bo-bo-bo-boats. #

0:14:31 > 0:14:34- How do you do that? - It's just a gift.

0:14:46 > 0:14:50I wonder what the snow inside a snowglobe is made of.

0:14:50 > 0:14:52- Dried coconut.- Parmesan cheese?

0:14:55 > 0:15:00Wow! Ed, it's actually snowing. Wow, these things ARE magic.

0:15:00 > 0:15:06Ew! I doubt that the snowglobe's snow is made from Ed's smelly dandruff,

0:15:06 > 0:15:09but we can certainly ask this guy.

0:15:09 > 0:15:13This is Erwin III, who makes 200,000 snowglobes a year

0:15:13 > 0:15:18and get this - it was HIS grandfather who invented them by accident

0:15:18 > 0:15:22when he was trying to improve an electric light bulb 115 years ago.

0:15:22 > 0:15:26In the first ever snowglobe, semolina was used to create the snowstorm

0:15:26 > 0:15:30but now, the snow ingredient is strictly top secret.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32And not only that,

0:15:32 > 0:15:36how Erwin makes the snow magically fall is also hush-hush.

0:15:36 > 0:15:42Maybe he'll reveal all if the boys do well in his globe-trotting challenge.

0:15:42 > 0:15:45It's now time to find a snowglobe for the American president.

0:15:45 > 0:15:48- I think they're ALL fit for a president, Erwin.- Stop sucking up.

0:15:48 > 0:15:51He's not going to help you. OK, fit for the president - go!

0:15:54 > 0:15:59- Barney, I think I've found it! Erwin, is this it?- Yes, it is!- Oh!

0:15:59 > 0:16:01- Wow!- What's the story behind this then?

0:16:01 > 0:16:05I made this snowglobe for President Obama's youngest daughter.

0:16:05 > 0:16:08- She is a collector of snowglobes. - That's amazing!

0:16:08 > 0:16:10- So they've got a copy of one of these in the White House?- Yeah.

0:16:10 > 0:16:14- What's next?- Try to find a snowglobe featured in a Hollywood film.

0:16:14 > 0:16:16A snowglobe that's been in a movie.

0:16:16 > 0:16:19- Well, there's no business like snow business.- Come on.- OK.

0:16:23 > 0:16:24Mate, I've found it.

0:16:24 > 0:16:28- The most famous movie ever made - Citizen Kane, right there.- Ah!

0:16:28 > 0:16:31- Am I right?- Yes, it is! - It's annoying that, isn't it?

0:16:31 > 0:16:33- I quite like it.- Barney's right.

0:16:33 > 0:16:37Citizen Kane was recently voted the greatest American film ever,

0:16:37 > 0:16:40even though it was made a staggering 74 years ago.

0:16:40 > 0:16:42Best ask your granny.

0:16:42 > 0:16:45You're not telling me your family made the snowglobe

0:16:45 > 0:16:47- that was in Citizen Kane, are you? - Yeah.

0:16:47 > 0:16:49Have you made any other snowglobes for Hollywood films?

0:16:49 > 0:16:53- Yeah, Home Alone and Edward Scissorhands.- It's amazing.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56- OK, what's next? - Find the deadliest snowglobe.

0:16:56 > 0:16:57- Deadliest?- Yeah.

0:16:57 > 0:17:01- I bet it's a snow leopard. - Or the Abominable Snowman, urgh.

0:17:02 > 0:17:04- No.- No. There's a pig in that one. - Oh.

0:17:06 > 0:17:09- Ah, this could be it. Skull and crossbones.- Yes!

0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Is that what you were thinking of, Erwin?- Yes, it is.

0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Don't throw the confetti though. - He threw it anyway.

0:17:15 > 0:17:18- What's this snow made out of? - It's my personal secret.

0:17:18 > 0:17:20Oh, no, you can tell us. The camera's not on, is it?

0:17:20 > 0:17:23- No, the camera's not filming. Go on, tell us.- No, I don't tell you.

0:17:23 > 0:17:26- I think if we keep asking we're going to end up like that.- Oh, OK.

0:17:26 > 0:17:29You guys didn't find out the secrets of the snowglobes,

0:17:29 > 0:17:34but don't take it personally - Erwin hasn't even told his own daughter!

0:17:34 > 0:17:36Oh, Barney, they've given us paintbrushes.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39- This never normally ends well on this show.- I love painting.

0:17:39 > 0:17:41I've never painted a snowman before though.

0:17:41 > 0:17:43There's a first time for everything.

0:17:43 > 0:17:46Erwin's wife, Susan, hand paints 300 snowglobes a day.

0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Better get a move on, boys. - My snowman's had a nosebleed.

0:17:49 > 0:17:51There are 350 regular styles

0:17:51 > 0:17:54but if you want to pimp your very own snowglobe,

0:17:54 > 0:17:58then you can choose from thousands of unusual designs.

0:17:58 > 0:18:01I think I've found my calling. When the TV presenting work dries up,

0:18:01 > 0:18:03I'm going to be Ed Petrie, snowglobe maker.

0:18:03 > 0:18:05Ed Petrie and Sons - I'm going to join as well.

0:18:05 > 0:18:07Technically, you're not my son, but why not?

0:18:07 > 0:18:11- Can I have some pocket money?- No. - OK.- And there we go.

0:18:11 > 0:18:14Just ten minutes later, Barney and I have made our very own snowglobes.

0:18:14 > 0:18:19- Actually it takes a whole week. - It takes a...?- Shh!- Yeah.

0:18:20 > 0:18:22- They'll cut that out.- Yeah.

0:18:24 > 0:18:27How cool would it be to live inside one of these snowglobes?

0:18:27 > 0:18:32Mmm, I think it could be stressful. This guy looks a bit snowed under.

0:18:32 > 0:18:35Snowed under! Get it?

0:18:36 > 0:18:40MUSIC: Let It Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow by Dean Martin

0:18:40 > 0:18:42DOOR CLOSES

0:18:42 > 0:18:47- Oh.- Oh.- I am SO bored! - Eh, do you want to build a snowman?

0:18:47 > 0:18:53- No, that's all we ever do. I'm tired of snowmen.- Thank you very much!

0:18:53 > 0:18:55It's not like we even COULD build a snowman

0:18:55 > 0:18:59because this isn't real snow and HE isn't a real snowman.

0:18:59 > 0:19:03- Oi, watch your mouth! - I mean, look at this snowflake.

0:19:03 > 0:19:04Real snowflakes are made up

0:19:04 > 0:19:08of about 180 billion molecules of frozen water.

0:19:08 > 0:19:11- But it looks like real snow. - No, it doesn't.

0:19:11 > 0:19:13These snowflakes all look the same.

0:19:13 > 0:19:17Real snowflakes are all different, unique six-sided shapes -

0:19:17 > 0:19:20beautiful, intricate beyond your wildest dreams.

0:19:20 > 0:19:23- But it's white! - Real snow isn't white.

0:19:23 > 0:19:25It's colourless, actually.

0:19:25 > 0:19:29It reflects all colours of light. It just looks white to our eyes.

0:19:29 > 0:19:32Next you'll be telling me my carrot isn't orange!

0:19:32 > 0:19:33It's not a real carrot.

0:19:33 > 0:19:38- Eh, guys, it's not a snowflake, it's a snow-FAKE! Get it?- Yeah.

0:19:38 > 0:19:40- Oh, ha-ha, good one.- Snowball fight?

0:19:40 > 0:19:44No, not another snowball fight. Argh! Oh!

0:19:45 > 0:19:50- Sorry.- No, look, I'm sorry. It's me. I don't know.

0:19:50 > 0:19:54I just wish things could be shaken up a bit around here sometimes.

0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Well, careful what you wish for. - Oh, no...

0:19:59 > 0:20:01THEY SCREAM AND SHOUT

0:20:02 > 0:20:04THEY SCREAM AND SHOUT

0:20:04 > 0:20:06I love these things.

0:20:08 > 0:20:10- Oh! - MARK LAUGHS

0:20:10 > 0:20:13Brilliant(!) Now I look like a fake snowman.

0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Ooh, look, you dropped your nose. - Oh, don't worry about it.

0:20:17 > 0:20:20It's not a real carrot anyway... apparently.

0:20:20 > 0:20:23- Don't even think about it.- Oh...

0:20:23 > 0:20:25- No!- Oh...- No!- Oh...

0:20:25 > 0:20:29THEY LAUGH

0:20:29 > 0:20:32Whoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!

0:20:44 > 0:20:46Ah, look at those two dachshunds.

0:20:46 > 0:20:49It's funny, cos in Poland they're like the favourite dog

0:20:49 > 0:20:52and their nickname is sausage dog. It's like a nickname.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55But in Poland they really like sausage as well, so...

0:20:55 > 0:20:58Although, as far as I'm aware, they don't eat sausage dogs.

0:20:58 > 0:21:00Thanks for clarifying.

0:21:00 > 0:21:06- Look at those guys.- Yeah. - They're eating hot dogs?- Yeah.

0:21:06 > 0:21:10- Better get out of the sun then. - That's a good one!

0:21:10 > 0:21:14Well, if all of these dogs are as funny as you two,

0:21:14 > 0:21:18then the Krakow Dachshund March is going to be a bundle of laughs.

0:21:18 > 0:21:23But if you called them dachshunds here, they'd totally ignore you

0:21:23 > 0:21:26because a jamnik is Polish for dachshund.

0:21:26 > 0:21:30As well as taking part in a march, jamnik can also enter a competition

0:21:30 > 0:21:35which has three challenges - eating, doing tricks and walking.

0:21:35 > 0:21:39Hang on - are they not dogs' favourite things anyway?

0:21:39 > 0:21:44Maybe Gregor, the event organiser, can tell us more.

0:21:44 > 0:21:50- We are looking for the perfect duo this year - master and his dog.- OK.

0:21:50 > 0:21:55- And how many dogs attend? - 300, 400.- Wow!- That's a lot.

0:21:55 > 0:21:58- That's a lot of dachshunds.- Wow, so what do we need to take part?

0:21:58 > 0:21:59You'll need a dog.

0:21:59 > 0:22:03Right, guys, you need to go find your perfect match to compete with.

0:22:03 > 0:22:04Go, go, go!

0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Oh, who's this? - TRANSLATION:- Well, this is Caramel.

0:22:10 > 0:22:13Oh, hello, Caramel. Does he like dressing up?

0:22:13 > 0:22:16Oh, yes, he loves to be dressed up and admired.

0:22:16 > 0:22:19You see, he's a Mexican because he's very macho.

0:22:19 > 0:22:21Mexicans are tough, very tough.

0:22:21 > 0:22:24Wow, this is the coolest dog I've ever seen!

0:22:24 > 0:22:27It's even wearing sunglasses. What's her name?

0:22:27 > 0:22:30- TRANSLATION:- This is Sonia. She is ten years old

0:22:30 > 0:22:35- and she is a wire-haired dachshund. - What's her degree in?- Good question.

0:22:35 > 0:22:39She is a professor and she graduated from the Academy of Taste

0:22:39 > 0:22:42and her speciality is meat, especially little bits and pieces,

0:22:42 > 0:22:45you know, good for her health.

0:22:45 > 0:22:47Right, guys, now you've got your special dogs,

0:22:47 > 0:22:49you're allowed to join in the march.

0:22:49 > 0:22:53That's right, I've got a dog with a degree! Get your photos here.

0:22:53 > 0:22:54People are loving it!

0:22:57 > 0:23:01- Ah, we're being photobombed.- How do you say, "Sit" in Polish?- Siad.

0:23:01 > 0:23:05Siad, siad, OK. Caramel, hello, siad.

0:23:07 > 0:23:11You've learned some basics and you've got matching T-shirts.

0:23:11 > 0:23:15It's time you guys got on that stage for the main event.

0:23:20 > 0:23:24Points are given for the best pair sat on their derriere.

0:23:24 > 0:23:30- If Professor Sonia jumps off your lap, it's game over, Ed.- Siad!

0:23:32 > 0:23:35Have you ever seen such good sitting in all your life?

0:23:35 > 0:23:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:37 > 0:23:40Right, Chris and Caramel, you're up.

0:23:40 > 0:23:42Like we rehearsed, Caramel.

0:23:42 > 0:23:44Siad.

0:23:44 > 0:23:46Siad.

0:23:46 > 0:23:48Siad.

0:23:48 > 0:23:51Yeah, come on! No hands!

0:23:51 > 0:23:54- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Perfect!- No hands!

0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Is that sitting?- It is now.

0:23:56 > 0:23:59- You're using your hand - that's cheating!- Well...- He used his hand!

0:23:59 > 0:24:02Well, er... Yeah, I might have done.

0:24:02 > 0:24:08Who's in front after Round 1? Is it Mexican Caramel or Professor Sonia?

0:24:08 > 0:24:10She didn't study for all those years

0:24:10 > 0:24:13not to have her qualifications recognised!

0:24:13 > 0:24:16Ed's scores are in. 5, 5 and 5.

0:24:16 > 0:24:19That makes 15. Full points.

0:24:19 > 0:24:25- 15. Wow, well done. Good girl. - Paws crossed, Caramel.

0:24:25 > 0:24:30- And for Chris, 5, 5 and 5.- What?! - It's cos we did it with style.

0:24:30 > 0:24:33He used his hand. Surely that's not fair!

0:24:36 > 0:24:39Points are given for the best strut down the catwalk.

0:24:39 > 0:24:41Walkies! Walkies!

0:24:43 > 0:24:47- A wee stumble there from Sonia. - Let's do some trotting now.

0:24:47 > 0:24:51- But she's picked it up on the home straight.- This dog is hot to trot!

0:24:51 > 0:24:56And here's Chris and Caramel. They've opted to flounce along the catwalk.

0:24:56 > 0:24:58Oh, no! Wardrobe malfunction.

0:24:58 > 0:25:01Hat fell off. This wasn't part of the plan.

0:25:02 > 0:25:07- Oh, he's back on track. - It's a dog on a mission.

0:25:07 > 0:25:09Hat fell off. That's not very good, is it?

0:25:09 > 0:25:12- It was a balance thing, all right? - Don't see that on many catwalks.

0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Ooh, the model's hat's fallen off. - Shall we find out what points we got?

0:25:15 > 0:25:19Ed's team's scores are in. 3, 4, 3.

0:25:19 > 0:25:22Makes 10 points. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:25:22 > 0:25:26And for Chris's team - 3, 5 and 4,

0:25:26 > 0:25:29which makes 12 points. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:25:29 > 0:25:33- That's a number!- Oh! - Can Professor Sonia add up defeat?

0:25:33 > 0:25:37With Chris 2 points ahead, it's all to play for in Round 3.

0:25:39 > 0:25:40The presenters will swap dogs

0:25:40 > 0:25:43and see if they can make it back to the correct team.

0:25:43 > 0:25:45Professor Sonia, I know you and Ed get on,

0:25:45 > 0:25:49but if I give you three bones, will you lose this round?

0:25:49 > 0:25:54- Oi, what are you saying to her?- Just that she's got a lovely coat.- Hmm.

0:25:54 > 0:25:59- First to launch is Professor Sonia. - Oh, Sonia, come into my arms.

0:25:59 > 0:26:02Professor Sonia looks like she's going wide, Ed.

0:26:02 > 0:26:08Oh, look, straight into my arms! Oh, true love! True love,, everyone.

0:26:08 > 0:26:09What a beautiful moment.

0:26:09 > 0:26:12Looks like Chris's dog isn't feeling very confident.

0:26:12 > 0:26:17- Caramel's hiding under a chair. - She's seen Ed's face.- Here we go.

0:26:17 > 0:26:20We mean business, this round. Gloves are off, sombrero's off.

0:26:20 > 0:26:23Of course, most dogs won't be seen dead on a catwalk.

0:26:25 > 0:26:28Come on, Caramel. Caramel.

0:26:28 > 0:26:32Caramel. Hello...

0:26:32 > 0:26:36- Oh, I think we call that a flyby, Chris!- That dog left you hanging.

0:26:38 > 0:26:42Should have put more deodorant on this morning. That's what it was.

0:26:42 > 0:26:46Ed's team's scores are in. 3, 4 and 4.

0:26:46 > 0:26:49- It's 11 points!- 3, 4, 4.

0:26:49 > 0:26:54- Ooh, I'm pleased with that.- It's not bad. Paws crossed, mate.- Eurgh.

0:26:54 > 0:26:58And for Chris's team, 4, 4 and 5,

0:26:58 > 0:27:02- making 13 points!- Hey!- What?! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:02 > 0:27:05I think they've got the dogs mixed up. They've got the dogs...

0:27:05 > 0:27:07Eurgh, stop doing that!

0:27:07 > 0:27:12Total score is 36 to Ed and 40 to Chris!

0:27:12 > 0:27:14Ha-ha! Brilliant! Mmm, come here.

0:27:14 > 0:27:18Oh, what? I saw your dog licking my dog's bum earlier.

0:27:18 > 0:27:19Eurgh!

0:27:19 > 0:27:22- Eurgh!- And the winner is Chris. Congratulations.

0:27:22 > 0:27:24Hey, thank you very much. Cheers. There you go, Caramel.

0:27:24 > 0:27:27- Don't chew it too much. - Turns out you were right, Chris.

0:27:27 > 0:27:30She's not a professor after all. No wonder you lost, you fraud!

0:27:33 > 0:27:36You've been watching All Over The Place: Europe!