0:00:02 > 0:00:03Don't be stick-in-the-muds,
0:00:03 > 0:00:06sit back and enjoy Ed and Barney bog snorkelling...
0:00:06 > 0:00:07HE YELPS
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Iain in a lovely dress...
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Andy sheep racing...
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Chris having a right royal laugh...
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Naomi scaling new heights, and Johny get lost.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17I'm not being rude, he's in a maze!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# All over the place
0:00:22 > 0:00:24# All over the place
0:00:24 > 0:00:27# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# Me and my mates, all over the place!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# It's true what you've heard, everything is absurd
0:00:32 > 0:00:35# Whatever we do is strange but true!
0:00:35 > 0:00:36# All over the place
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# All over the place
0:00:40 > 0:00:43# Bet you didn't know this stuff was in the UK
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- # But it turns up... - # ..all over the place! #
0:00:47 > 0:00:50What did you go and do that for? I mean, look at this!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't think it through.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53What did you think would happen
0:00:53 > 0:00:57if you stepped into an inflatable dinghy wearing stiletto heels?
0:00:57 > 0:00:58That's our trip to the beach ruined.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Not necessarily. Looks like we're in a shipyard.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Surely somebody here can help us mend our boat.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Oh.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07I wonder if there's someone in that?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# Higher, higher... #
0:01:09 > 0:01:13This is the Titan Crane in Clydebank.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Ed and Naomi, it's the clash of the Titans!
0:01:23 > 0:01:29You have 34 seconds to find as much as you can about the Titan Crane.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Ed, you've got Ian.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Naomi, you've got Amy.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Whoever finds out the most facts in is the winner!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Three...two...one...
0:01:37 > 0:01:39GO!
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Hello, Amy, I'm Naomi. Right, let's do this.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- So what kind of crane is it? - It's a cantilever crane.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- When was this crane first built? - 1907.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48How much does it weigh?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50It weighs 800 tons.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51- When did they stop using it?- 2000.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Why is it blue?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56That was the original colour over 100 years ago when it was built.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- And what was it used for? - Fitting out ships, completing ships.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03If anything came loose on the crane, how would you TITAN it?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06We'd have to get another big crane to go up and tighten them.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08What sort of ships did they build here?
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Warships, liners, merchant ships.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I'm running out of questions!
0:02:12 > 0:02:13- What's it made out of?!- Steel.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15KLAXON Oh!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I ran out of questions there. I'm sorry. You did brilliantly.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- Thanks.- Good work. Fingers crossed.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24And the person who found out the most facts is...
0:02:24 > 0:02:25ED!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- Oh!- Yay!- Are you serious?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30A Titan Crane and a Titan Brain!
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Rarrgh!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37These are some of the ships that were built here.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- Why's the crane so big when the boats are so small?- Oh, ha-ha-ha(!)
0:02:41 > 0:02:44One of the world's most famous ships was built by Titan -
0:02:44 > 0:02:46The Starship Enterprise.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Ha, ha, no, the QE2.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- That was a posh one, wasn't it? - Mm-hm.
0:02:50 > 0:02:55Built in 1969 and luxurious, with two swimming pools on board.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- You know, each one of these rivets had to be put in by hand.- Really?!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Yeah, look. - There's loads!- It's crazy.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- You know what noise the frogs here make?- Oh, don't tell me!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Have a guess.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10- "Rivet"?- Yep!- Rivvvvit!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11HE LAUGHS
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Back in the day, to get to the top, you had to climb the steps outside.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Yeah. That would've taken ages!- Mm.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- I think I prefer this. - Yeah, this is better.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Lovely view.- Isn't it nice?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Hey, Ed, have you looked down yet? - Argh! Argh, no!
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Hello!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- Ah...- It's quite a scary view.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Why didn't they build a floor?! Ah, no!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
0:03:36 > 0:03:38This is the engine room.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Good, there's a floor in here. That's nice.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Well, it's not that nice. It's where the greasers used to work.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46A couple of greasers, all covered in oil,
0:03:46 > 0:03:48and covering all the machinery in oil
0:03:48 > 0:03:50to make sure everything kept moving.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Can't have been nice, being covered in oil.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Trying to get down the stairs?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Slip down them a bit faster than you planned!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03What were they doing? Slow coaches!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06I feel sorry for the guy at the end. The crane operator - he was alone.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- Ahh.- He wasn't even allowed to go to the toilet.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- He had to take a bucket up with him. - What?!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13FLUSHING
0:04:13 > 0:04:15You've got to hand it to crane operators, Naomi.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18- That's not an easy job. - You're not wrong there, Ed.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21You'd need brilliant eyesight to see objects way down here.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24One wrong move with these girders and you could cause a lot of damage,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27so just very gently try moving them to your left.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32CRASH!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Your other left!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- I think I just hit that building, Dad.- Never mind.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Cannae make an omelette without breaking eggs.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Still, better put the girders down next to that old factory
0:04:43 > 0:04:44before someone notices.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48I can't, the lever's stuck!
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Gently, don't force it.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I got it! I got it!
0:04:52 > 0:04:53CRASH!
0:04:55 > 0:05:00Och, Son. You've only gone and destroyed a chimney in the 1970s.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Sorry, Dad. Better just put the girders back where they were.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Don't worry - I'm going to do it very gently this time.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09That's it.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Nice work, son.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Set it down carefully
0:05:14 > 0:05:17next to that world's largest display of standing dominoes.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- CLANG! - See, Dad? Told you I could do it.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Nice work, son.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22CRASH!
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Whee!
0:05:38 > 0:05:42MUSIC: "Tragedy" by Steps
0:05:44 > 0:05:46# Here we are
0:05:46 > 0:05:50# In a rather pretty Midlands town
0:05:51 > 0:05:53# Famous for
0:05:53 > 0:05:56# A playwright of quite huge renown
0:05:58 > 0:06:00# He was born
0:06:00 > 0:06:04# Back in 1564
0:06:04 > 0:06:07# No-one had written plays like him before
0:06:07 > 0:06:09# Him before
0:06:09 > 0:06:12# Hiiim befoooooore
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- # He wrote - # Tragedies
0:06:14 > 0:06:16# Like Hamlet and Macbeth And he wrote
0:06:16 > 0:06:18# Histories
0:06:18 > 0:06:19# Like Henry The Fifth
0:06:19 > 0:06:22# And he was born right here
0:06:22 > 0:06:23# Stratford, Warwickshire
0:06:23 > 0:06:26# And his name is Shakespeare
0:06:31 > 0:06:32# All in all
0:06:32 > 0:06:36# He wrote 37 plays
0:06:38 > 0:06:39# And his wife
0:06:39 > 0:06:43# She was called Anne Hathaway
0:06:45 > 0:06:47# Also built
0:06:47 > 0:06:50# A theatre down in London town
0:06:50 > 0:06:54# Unfortunately, it burnt down
0:06:54 > 0:06:56# It burnt down
0:06:56 > 0:06:58# Iiiit burnt doooown
0:06:58 > 0:07:00# He wrote
0:07:00 > 0:07:01# Tragedies
0:07:01 > 0:07:03# Where everybody dies And he wrote
0:07:03 > 0:07:05# Comedies
0:07:05 > 0:07:07# With people in disguise
0:07:07 > 0:07:08# And what is more
0:07:08 > 0:07:13# He wrote sonnets galore - 154
0:07:14 > 0:07:15# Back in Tudor times
0:07:15 > 0:07:17# When his plays were on the stage
0:07:17 > 0:07:19# The female parts were played
0:07:19 > 0:07:21# By boys of a very young age
0:07:21 > 0:07:23# And when poor old Will Shakespeare
0:07:23 > 0:07:24# Finally wound up dead
0:07:24 > 0:07:26# In his will he left his wife
0:07:26 > 0:07:28# His second best bed?!
0:07:28 > 0:07:29# Tragedies
0:07:29 > 0:07:32# His characters were cursed And he wrote
0:07:32 > 0:07:33# Histories
0:07:33 > 0:07:35# Some of them in verse
0:07:35 > 0:07:37# And I don't like to gloat
0:07:37 > 0:07:38# But the lines that he wrote
0:07:38 > 0:07:40# I can easily quote... #
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Go on, then.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Is this a dagger which I see before me?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55And the most famous of all?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57"To be or not to be?"
0:07:57 > 0:07:58# Tragedies
0:07:58 > 0:08:00# The greatest playwright of all time
0:08:00 > 0:08:01# Comedies
0:08:01 > 0:08:04# Boy, could that dude rhyme
0:08:04 > 0:08:05# And just let me say
0:08:05 > 0:08:07# Many of his phrases
0:08:07 > 0:08:09# We still use today. #
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Oh, well, Ed. All's well that ends well.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Yep, that's one of his.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21What?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23That phrase was first used by Shakespeare.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Oh, fair play.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26That one as well.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28For goodness' sake!
0:08:28 > 0:08:29That, too!
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Are you pulling my leg?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Nah, he didn't write that one.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Uh...
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Argh!
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Oh...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I keep having this terrible dream that Chris Johnson's the Queen.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Ooh!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52What are you dressed like that for?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Just getting in touch with my royal roots, Mr Petrie.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I believe I may be a member of the Royal Family.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59- You?- Mm-hm.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01A member of the Royal Family?
0:09:01 > 0:09:02ED GIGGLES
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Oh, fine!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Hang on, where are you going?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08To the Buckingham Palace of Wembley. Good day to you!
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Margaret, what's going on? What is this?
0:09:24 > 0:09:25This is my collection.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29This is my lounge, and here we have William and Kate.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30And here, Her Majesty The Queen.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- This is the house you live in? - Yes.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36MUSIC: "Rule, Britannia!" by Thomas Arne
0:09:48 > 0:09:50And speaking of mugs...
0:09:50 > 0:09:52This is brilliant!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- I feel so at home. - You feel at home?- Yep!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- On a throne?- Yep!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Chris, you are not next in line to the throne!
0:10:02 > 0:10:05After the Queen, he's the top of the family tree.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07So let's play...
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Match the Royal face to the Royal name,
0:10:11 > 0:10:13using Margaret's collection of Royal mugs,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15and complete the Royal family tree.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20Chris, you have to find the Queen, her hubby, and her children.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Ed, you have to find the Queen's grandchildren.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27A completed family tree means you will be rewarded with cake.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Right. Oh, there's Andrew.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31And Edward's there. Ha-hey!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Oh, there's loads of Annes in here, Chris!
0:10:39 > 0:10:40OK, and Zara...
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Yes! Zara and Peter, her kids!
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Anne, Anne, got to find Anne. Got to find Anne. Erm...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52There's got to be one here somewhere.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Aha! There we go. Nice mug as well. OK.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Ha ha! William! Yes, there you are. Good.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02And Harry? Harry... Harry!
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Prince Charles... Aha! Prince Charles, yes!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Where's Harry?! He's in the Army - he's probably camouflaged!
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Ah, Your Majesty. There you are.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I just need Prince Philip. Erm... Aha! Here he is!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Come on, off the hook! There we go! Ha-hey!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Erm... Argh, Harry!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22HARRY! Where are you?! Come here right now!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25KLAXON Argh!
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Out of time.- Oh. And with a big chunk missing, as well! Look at that!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Yeah, that's all my fault, actually.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34No Beatrice, no Eugenie, no Louise, no James.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- No cake.- No me!
0:11:36 > 0:11:37ED GROWLS
0:11:38 > 0:11:41I'm very impressed with your collection, Margaret.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Thank you. It's absolutely priceless to me.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- So you've never been tempted to sell any of it?- Never. I'm a collector.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Chris, you couldn't sell it.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51It's so large, where would you start?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Indeed, Ed! But imagine if Her Majesty had to sell
0:11:54 > 0:11:57some of the real Royal Collection. Where would SHE start?
0:11:57 > 0:12:01Yes, and don't forget your priceless Ming vase!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02SMASH!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05And don't forget to get it insured!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Ah, hello, dear.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12What old tat - sorry, "antiques" - have you got for me today?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16How much wonga can I get for all this?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I'm saving up for a new games console,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21and I need to get my hands on some readies, pronto!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24This looks interesting.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Has it been in the family long?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28That's my lunch, you silly little man.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Now what about this?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Ah, now not many people know that Buckingham Palace
0:12:34 > 0:12:36has its own Post Office.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Yes. This is the original design for the first class stamp.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Although this is what I originally wanted to go for.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- And for some reason, they didn't want this one, either.- Mm.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I wonder why(!)
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Oh, now this looks like old film.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Is it?
0:12:53 > 0:12:54Yes, yes.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56The palace has its own cinema.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00At 12 o'clock, it's the Oscar-winning film, The Queen.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04At one o'clock, it's The Queen. At two o'clock, it's The Queen.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06At three o'clock, it's The Queen.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Hang on. Is there anything except The Queen?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Erm...
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- At seven o'clock, there's Alien Vs Transformers.- Really?
0:13:14 > 0:13:15No, it's The Queen.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Now, let's talk wonga. What are we looking at?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Well, for all this...
0:13:22 > 0:13:26..I would say it's worth an amazing...
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- REFINED:- So, are the antiques
0:13:28 > 0:13:30the Queen has brought along today worth a fortune?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- COMMON AS MUCK: - Or are dey worf nuffink?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Yes, that one. A big, fat zero!
0:13:36 > 0:13:37What?!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40But...I wanted a games console!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Argh! Arrrrghh! Aaaaarrrrrrgh!
0:13:45 > 0:13:47I think she handled it rather well.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59'This is Leeds Castle Maze.'
0:13:59 > 0:14:02'It's a-MAZE-ing.'
0:14:02 > 0:14:04'Terrible gag, Johny, terrible.'
0:14:04 > 0:14:06# Cos you're amazing
0:14:06 > 0:14:10# Just the way you are... #
0:14:12 > 0:14:14'Mazes have been popular for thousands of years.'
0:14:14 > 0:14:16'People like getting lost, then?'
0:14:16 > 0:14:18'Yeah, I wish you'd get lost!'
0:14:19 > 0:14:23# Cos, girl, you're amazing
0:14:23 > 0:14:26# Just the way you are... #
0:14:26 > 0:14:29'Look, I can see the way out, Ed!'
0:14:29 > 0:14:31'Oi! That's cheating!
0:14:31 > 0:14:32'There's only one way out of here.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35'That's through the underground grotto.'
0:14:35 > 0:14:37'So this is the grotto?
0:14:37 > 0:14:38'I cannot wait to meet Santa!
0:14:38 > 0:14:40'You won't meet Santa here.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43'For a start, this place was only built in the 1980s.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46'But you will come face-to-face with Typhoeus,
0:14:46 > 0:14:49'a giant from Greek myth, who tried to overpower the Greek gods.'
0:14:49 > 0:14:50'Was he mad?'
0:14:50 > 0:14:52'Maybe.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Zeus defeated him,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56'and he was said to have been put under the volcano Mount Etna.'
0:14:56 > 0:14:58'Bet he doesn't feel so hot now!'
0:14:58 > 0:15:03# Just the way you are... #
0:15:03 > 0:15:09'This maze was planted in 1986, and it contains 2,400 yew trees.'
0:15:09 > 0:15:11'All right, mate? How are YEW?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13'No, how are YEW?'
0:15:13 > 0:15:16If we woke up and we were in a maze, adults wouldn't have to work
0:15:16 > 0:15:18and we wouldn't have to go to school,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20cos we'd wake up and everyone would be lost.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23We wouldn't have to make up excuses any more.
0:15:23 > 0:15:28We would sit on a big, giant space hopper and jump over the hedges.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31The only way to get out of the maze would be to blow up a balloon,
0:15:31 > 0:15:36put it over your pet's head, then use it as a rocket and fly upwards.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37LAUGHTER
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Ed, what are you doing?!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Morning, Andy! Sorry, can't chat - I've got to finish this off.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- I never knew you knitted!- There's many things you don't know about me.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- I don't like to boast. - OK. So what you knitting? A jumper?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Sort of. I'm making a knitted version of you.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09What would I do with a knitted version of myself?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12We're going to race it against me, obviously.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Yeah, obviously!
0:16:13 > 0:16:18Because we're at the Big Sheep, in Devon.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21They run sheep races here every day.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30People have to guess which sheep will win the race.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33And they also have duck trials.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34BOTH: Ducks?!
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Ducks flock together like sheep and they're a bit closer together,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40a bit smaller, and easier to work with.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- Sound weird, but I'll give it a go. - Let's give it a go, then.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48There are four basic commands.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Walk on. Come by, come by. To the left.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55Away.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Walk on.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Lie.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Ed, Ed...
0:17:14 > 0:17:18Lie! Stand! Not you, Ed!
0:17:18 > 0:17:19I won't take you anywhere again.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I can't wait to do this. Can we have a go?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23We can, yeah. Let's get on with it.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Walk, walk.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Walk on.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29DUCKS QUACK
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Walk.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32- Good girl.- Hey!
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Lie down, lie down. Do a bit of lying down. Lie down.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36That's good. Well done.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Come by.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Ooh, erm...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41And stop!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Stand there with your tongue out!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Walk. Walk.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Walk. No! No!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50ED CACKLES
0:17:50 > 0:17:53You...! What are you doing to me?! Like, literally the last minute.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55I think we're done.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58You lie down. Go through there! Go through there!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Hooray! I did it!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Walk, walk, walk, walk.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Boom!- Yay!
0:18:04 > 0:18:05APPLAUSE
0:18:05 > 0:18:09It kind of worked. I don't know what I did, but it worked.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Do you like your jockey?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Yeah, he's a pretty little guy. - These are the other ones.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15BAA-rney Harwood.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Then Naomi WOOL-kinson.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19And RAAA-ni.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Oh, no, Iain! Iain! What have they done to him?!
0:18:23 > 0:18:26He really cares about his appearance. He won't be happy.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I know you're the best-looking jockey in this race,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31but don't let it go to your head, OK?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33It's not important - get ahead of the flock!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35This is it. This is game time.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I don't want a SHEEPISH performance. RAM it home for the team!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40And the gates are open and they're off!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43They head for the first furlong and it's all to play for.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46It looks like... Oh, it's Barney in a surprise move!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Ed and Andy towards the back of the pack.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52We're coming in round the first furlong and they're doing well
0:18:52 > 0:18:55and sloooowing down for no apparent reason.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57What's going on, you woolly nits?
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Oh, here's one of the judges speeding them up, and they're off!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- Come on, Number 3!- Number 5! You can take Baa-rney Harwood!
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Let's see if Ed's right - can he take Baa-rney?
0:19:08 > 0:19:09No, it's not looking good.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Baa-baa-baa-baa-rney is running away with it.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14And there's Ed - he's a wolf in sheep's clothing!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17It's going to be a close shave - he's coming up, he's coming up!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Oh, let's have a look at the replay.
0:19:21 > 0:19:27Barney was the winner, Iain came second, and Ed came third.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Then Naomi, then Andy, then Rani.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Ed's sheep has beaten Andy's!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Why are you running away? Stop running away! Don't be scared!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38No, this is... I'm happy! Don't...! No, come here!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I'm going to be here for ages.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Ah, finally. High five!
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Well, this is no bog-standard event today, eh, Ed?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00You all psyched up and ready to go? Are you wearing your swimming cap?
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Mate, the lengths you will go to to protect your hair, honestly.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- I've never snorkelled in a bog before.- Uurgh!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09No, not that kind of bog.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12That's a toilet, which is gross and disgusting.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Come to think of it, this is also gross and disgusting.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18You're not wrong, Barney. You and Ed are taking part
0:20:18 > 0:20:21in the Northern Ireland Bog Snorkelling Championships.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Ed, you OK? You look a bit weird. HE GRUNTS THROUGH HIS SNORKEL
0:20:24 > 0:20:28- I can't understand you. Take the snorkel out of your mouth.- Hi, there.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Wait a minute...
0:20:31 > 0:20:34You're not Ed! I knew it.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Ed Petrie!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39I'm not doing it. Look at it! It's a dirty, disgusting ditch!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42You wouldn't swim in that normally, but they put a sign up.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43I'm not doing it.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I blow-dried my hair this morning, looks lovely, doesn't it?
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Get your tall, lanky, well-groomed self into those snorkels
0:20:50 > 0:20:51and into that bog.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Stop being a wimp.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57It's all your fault. Why aren't you taller?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59And vainer, and also have a bigger nose?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01In Bog Snorkelling Championships,
0:21:01 > 0:21:0450 people swim up and down this bog using a snorkel.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- Not far, dude, not far. - Show that bog who's boss!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10The winner is the person who does it the quickest.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14The rules are, you can't use any normal swimming strokes.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Ed and Barney'll be just fine, then.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20And you have to breathe through the snorkel at all times
0:21:20 > 0:21:21whilst swimming.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25So I thought I'd enter us into the men's race.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Oh, what?! A lap of that? I'm never going to be able to do it.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Actually, it's two laps. ED SIGHS
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Come on, you're going to love it! Man up.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Actually, the quicker I swim, the quicker I get out,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38and the more chance I've got of beating you. Yeah, yeah!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41So bring it on, Harwood! I'm going to quickly get some tips.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45It's quite hard to make a fast exit, though, wearing these.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49The full course is like swimming the length of a football pitch...
0:21:49 > 0:21:51if it was flooded.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I've stumbled across the world ladies' junior champion
0:21:54 > 0:21:55at bog snorkelling.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58What sort of stroke are you going to do?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Sort of doggy paddle and a bit of flippers.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Do you want to demonstrate that for us now?- Sort of...
0:22:03 > 0:22:05A bit of doggy paddle.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07The way I do it, I keep my hands out in front,
0:22:07 > 0:22:10and use the streamlined position and kick my legs.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Show me the streamlined position.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Um... Put your two hands on top of each other.- Yeah.- Head down.- Yeah.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18And when you need to look up, just take your head up and down.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21- How do you steer?- Just turn your hands.- Like that?- Yeah.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24The fastest time this course has ever been snorkelled
0:22:24 > 0:22:26was one minute, 25 seconds.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28That's mind-bogglingly fast!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I think he's got a little outboard motor on his wetsuit.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34You could hide one in the bog, strap it on, no-one would be the wiser.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37It's three degrees. That's quite cold, isn't it?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39You won't be able to swim.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42That's three degrees off having to break ice off the surface.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45You look like you know what you're doing.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47I've been doing it for six years,
0:22:47 > 0:22:49and I'm currently second in the world.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Are you?- I am. You know, it's very good for the skin, the mud.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Just buy some moisturiser. - COMPETITOR LAUGHS
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- It's a lot easier.- It's a lot cheaper here.- I suppose so, yeah.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Swings and roundabouts, yeah, hmmm.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Who do you think's going to win out of me and Barney?- You are.- Yeah?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Is Ed going to win or am I? - I think you're going to win.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I've found out all sorts of interesting things.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Me too.- What was your top tip? - Uh... Get on a boat.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Yeah? My top tip was be really, really, fast at the beginning,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- and keep your eyes closed. - I know what you're doing.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18- I'm giving nothing away. - Neither am I.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I'm so confident, I nominate you to go first.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25That's the game, is it? Watch me, see how I do it, and then copy?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28It's going to do him no good, I'm going to sink like a brick.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- AMERICAN ACCENT: - He came, he wanted to conquer,
0:23:31 > 0:23:34but first, Barney must become...
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- The Bog Monster! - GROWLING
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Here we go.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- Go on, Barney! - WHISTLE
0:23:43 > 0:23:45CROWD CHEERS HIM ON
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Good start, actually.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- Go Barney! Go Barney, go! Woo! - APPLAUSE
0:23:50 > 0:23:52He's going really fast!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I quite like that he's got his head out of the water,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58so hopefully I can do the same thing.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02- Oh, he's stopped! He's stopped! - It's a bit chilly.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Yeah, keep talking, Barney, keep talking.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Oh, he's off again.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS
0:24:13 > 0:24:16He's stopped again, that's the second time.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Something round me legs. It's the real bog monster.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21See, Barney's problem is he loves the camera too much.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23He can't help stopping and having a chat.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26It's hardly going to be a world record.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28But I'm going to get there.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31The thing is, I can't feel smug about this,
0:24:31 > 0:24:33because I'm going in next.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Halfway, Barney!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41I reckon he's had a cheeky little wee in his wetsuit.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Can't get my breathing right.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Less chatting, more swimming, Harwood!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I think as long as I don't lose my flipper, drown,
0:24:56 > 0:24:58or get abducted by aliens, I could win this.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01DOG BARKS
0:25:01 > 0:25:02Nearly there!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04CROWD: Come on, Barney!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06CHEERING
0:25:06 > 0:25:07WHISTLE
0:25:07 > 0:25:09APPLAUSE
0:25:10 > 0:25:13What's hard about it, you can't breathe through your nose.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14It's tough.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- AMERICAN ACCENT: - He smirked at his friend,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20he flounced his hair, but now, Ed must become...
0:25:20 > 0:25:21The Bog Thing!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23GROWLING
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Oh, no.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29HE WHIMPERS AND SCREAMS
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Oh, that's great!
0:25:33 > 0:25:37WHISTLE CROWD CHEERS HIM ON
0:25:37 > 0:25:42When you're out here looking down, it just looks like a bit of water,
0:25:42 > 0:25:46but actually, underneath it, it's like soil and thick mud.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49These reeds that grab round your legs, they wrap round your legs,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51they make it very difficult to swim.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54See, he's waving.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57He's now waving. That's how cool he is.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03He's making it look easy. He's making this look so easy.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09He's at the end, touch the yellow post, turn round...
0:26:10 > 0:26:11..and he's on his way back.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17This is his home straight.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Not bad.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS
0:26:26 > 0:26:27WHISTLE
0:26:28 > 0:26:30There's things in there.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33There's horrible, weird, hairy things in there.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Still don't like it.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40- AMERICAN ACCENT: - They got in the bog, they swam for their lives,
0:26:40 > 0:26:45but which Bog Monster Thing snorkelled the fastest?
0:26:45 > 0:26:46So, Colin, how did we do?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49You both did very well. I can tell you your times...
0:26:49 > 0:26:52HEARTBEAT
0:26:52 > 0:26:56Barney, you did it in six minutes and seven seconds.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Not bad. It's not a bad time, I think.
0:26:59 > 0:27:06- Ed, you did it in two minutes and 42 seconds. Congratulations.- Oh, wow!
0:27:06 > 0:27:08That's pretty good, isn't it?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- And here's your award for being the fastest.- Oh, wow.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14- And, Barney...- Look at that.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- Bog Man.- Oh, dear.- You get the bog seat.- The human bog brush.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19It's a proud moment. Well done.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- That was fantastic.- I've finally found a sport I'm good at,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- and it's one of the most disgusting things I've ever done.- There you go.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Do you know what I fancy? A nice jacuzzi.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33Funny you should say that, actually, cos I know the perfect spot.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Oh, really?
0:27:35 > 0:27:36BOTH: Aaaargh!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38THEY LAUGH RAUCOUSLY
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Aaargh!
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Nice!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48You've been watching All Over The Place!
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd