Fern and Persimmony Glitchet

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0:00:02 > 0:00:06# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

0:00:06 > 0:00:11# Has an original point of view

0:00:11 > 0:00:13- # And I say, hey!- Hey!

0:00:13 > 0:00:18# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

0:00:18 > 0:00:21# And get along with each other

0:00:21 > 0:00:24# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

0:00:24 > 0:00:30# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open your eyes! Open your ears!

0:00:30 > 0:00:34# Get together, make things better By working together

0:00:34 > 0:00:38# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

0:00:38 > 0:00:43# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

0:00:43 > 0:00:48- # And I say, hey!- Hey! - What a wonderful kind of day

0:00:48 > 0:00:53- # We can learn to work and play And get along with each other.- Hey!

0:00:53 > 0:00:59# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Hey, DW!- >

0:01:01 > 0:01:03Hey!

0:01:03 > 0:01:05Whoa!

0:01:04 > 0:01:05Oof!

0:01:09 > 0:01:12We all love the story of Cinderella.

0:01:12 > 0:01:15After this, you can weed the garden,

0:01:15 > 0:01:18clean the carpets and wash the windows.

0:01:18 > 0:01:20'But would we love it as much

0:01:20 > 0:01:24'if the wicked stepmother was a kind and caring person?'

0:01:24 > 0:01:27Never mind. I'll finish this up.

0:01:27 > 0:01:30Here, you'd better go change for the ball.

0:01:30 > 0:01:33Oh, thank you, kind stepmother!

0:01:33 > 0:01:37'And what if Jack didn't have to run from the giant?'

0:01:37 > 0:01:41Fee fi fo fum

0:01:41 > 0:01:44I like to share with everyone.

0:01:44 > 0:01:45Gee, thanks.

0:01:45 > 0:01:47Honk!

0:01:48 > 0:01:51'Imagine the story of Little Red Riding Hood

0:01:51 > 0:01:53'without the big, bad wolf.'

0:01:57 > 0:02:00Oh, Grandma, what strong arms you have.

0:02:00 > 0:02:03All the better to hug you with, my dear.

0:02:03 > 0:02:06So, how was your trip through the woods?

0:02:06 > 0:02:08It was perfectly boring.

0:02:08 > 0:02:10Yuck!

0:02:10 > 0:02:11Hey, you, narrator!

0:02:11 > 0:02:16If there's no big bad wolf in my story, then, what's the point?

0:02:22 > 0:02:26I've finished 13 in A Series Of Horrendously Horrible Happenings.

0:02:26 > 0:02:29- Me too.- Don't you love the ending

0:02:29 > 0:02:33with the Bronte children dangling from a cable car over the Alps?

0:02:33 > 0:02:36But I want to know what happens next.

0:02:36 > 0:02:38How much longer before book 14 is out?

0:02:38 > 0:02:43Ten more weeks. The Horrendously Horrible books are popular.

0:02:43 > 0:02:47I remember how I liked the first one - The Calamitous Commencement -

0:02:47 > 0:02:53'when Duke Vladimir first kidnaps the Bronte orphans during his magic act.'

0:02:53 > 0:02:55THEY GASP

0:02:57 > 0:03:01And know, before your very eyes

0:03:01 > 0:03:04- I shall make them disappear. - AUDIENCE GASP

0:03:04 > 0:03:06One!

0:03:06 > 0:03:07Two!

0:03:08 > 0:03:10Three!

0:03:10 > 0:03:11AUDIENCE: Ooh!

0:03:11 > 0:03:16The stage manager has informed me that it is time for her next act.

0:03:16 > 0:03:21Since the show must go on I'll be unable to make the children reappear

0:03:21 > 0:03:27during tonight's performance. Thank you and good night!

0:03:27 > 0:03:31What about book number ten - The Awful Aquarium?

0:03:31 > 0:03:34They find a happy home with Uncle Mac the ichthylogist.

0:03:34 > 0:03:38- 'but then Duke Vladimir ruins everything.'- Splork!

0:03:40 > 0:03:46Hand over your fortune or I will feed your sister to the sharks!

0:03:46 > 0:03:50EVIL LAUGHTER

0:03:55 > 0:03:58I wish I could write a book series someday.

0:03:58 > 0:04:01Why not send a letter to Persimmony Glitchet,

0:04:01 > 0:04:05and tell him his writing inspires you? There's an address in the book.

0:04:05 > 0:04:09"Due to the dangerous nature of his research,

0:04:09 > 0:04:12"Mr Glitchet is often on the run,

0:04:12 > 0:04:15"but you may write to his trusted chauffeur,

0:04:15 > 0:04:18"Max Wheeler, at this address."

0:04:18 > 0:04:21I wonder if he would write back?

0:04:21 > 0:04:22Are you kidding?

0:04:22 > 0:04:25Then why would he bother to give an address at all?

0:04:25 > 0:04:28"Dear Mr Glitchet,

0:04:28 > 0:04:32"I really like your Horrendously Horrible books.

0:04:32 > 0:04:37"I know you get lots of letters, so it's hard to answer all of them.

0:04:37 > 0:04:42"Other favourites are Mary Shelley and Agatha Christie but they're dead

0:04:42 > 0:04:44"so I can't write and expect an answer.

0:04:44 > 0:04:49"I'm writing because I hope to become a professional writer like you.

0:04:51 > 0:04:54"I would appreciate any advice that you have for me.

0:04:54 > 0:04:57"Sincerely, Fern Walters."

0:05:03 > 0:05:07Mr Glitchet, it's one of those dire emergencies.

0:05:07 > 0:05:09Thank you, Max.

0:05:11 > 0:05:16You don't expect an answer, do you? You've checked every day for weeks.

0:05:16 > 0:05:19"PG, in care of Max Wheeler."

0:05:20 > 0:05:22It's blank!

0:05:22 > 0:05:24I said he wouldn't write back.

0:05:27 > 0:05:29FRANCINE TUTS

0:05:30 > 0:05:34- Why would Persimmony Glitchet send a blank piece of paper?- Well...

0:05:34 > 0:05:37A blank piece of paper means invisible ink!

0:05:37 > 0:05:42He used invisible ink, like Victor Bronte in The Malevolent Mailbox.

0:05:42 > 0:05:43Are you sure?

0:05:43 > 0:05:47Only one way to find out - my Detecto-Spy lamp.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49Lights off, please.

0:05:53 > 0:05:56FERN READS LETTER

0:06:00 > 0:06:03"Number One: Read..."

0:06:03 > 0:06:05That one's easy.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14"..Finally, Number Three:

0:06:14 > 0:06:18"Look for opportunities to publish what you write.

0:06:18 > 0:06:20"This can be especially dangerous,

0:06:20 > 0:06:24"which is why you should never use your real name.

0:06:24 > 0:06:27"Best of luck, Persimmony Glitchet."

0:06:27 > 0:06:29If only I had more opportunities to publish.

0:06:29 > 0:06:34Why not submit something to the Lakewood Elementary Reader?

0:06:34 > 0:06:38- They're taking submissions for the next issue.- Great idea!

0:06:38 > 0:06:42I've got my pen name - Agatha Shelley!

0:06:42 > 0:06:45Will it be an Essie Beauchamp detective story

0:06:45 > 0:06:48like you did for Junior Detective Digest?

0:06:48 > 0:06:51That was published under my real name.

0:06:51 > 0:06:55This time I'm writing under the name of Agatha Shelley.

0:06:56 > 0:07:01This story will be something no-one will recognize as mine.

0:07:12 > 0:07:13BELL RINGS

0:07:20 > 0:07:22I'm published!

0:07:22 > 0:07:25Happy Happenings by Agatha Shelley.

0:07:27 > 0:07:31So, have you read Happy Happenings by Agatha Shelley?

0:07:31 > 0:07:33Was that the boring one?

0:07:36 > 0:07:39Happy Happenings sounds interesting.

0:07:39 > 0:07:42I read it. A shallow take on a shallow life.

0:07:45 > 0:07:48Is that a page from Happy Happenings?

0:07:48 > 0:07:50Yeah. I liked the happy ending,

0:07:50 > 0:07:54but the happy beginning and the happy middle didn't work.

0:07:55 > 0:07:59- Did you read Happy Happenings?- No. - Don't bother.

0:07:59 > 0:08:01- You'll hate it.- Why?

0:08:01 > 0:08:04There's no mystery. Nothing scary happens.

0:08:04 > 0:08:08Not all stories have to be scary or mysterious.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10Yeah, but this is way too happy.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13The main character is this girl, Felicity Bonchance.

0:08:13 > 0:08:17"One day Felicity Bonchance was planting peonies

0:08:17 > 0:08:21- "when she happened upon some buried treasure."- Oh, goody!

0:08:21 > 0:08:26Now I can buy candy and ice cream for everyone in the whole world!

0:08:26 > 0:08:28But it gets worse,

0:08:28 > 0:08:32she actually goes around passing out candy and ice cream

0:08:32 > 0:08:37- to everyone in the whole world. Bleurgh!- So what's wrong with that?

0:08:37 > 0:08:41It's so boring. And nothing bad ever happens to her.

0:08:41 > 0:08:46It was written by Agatha Shelley. I don't think she goes to our school.

0:08:46 > 0:08:50Maybe Agatha Shelley isn't her real name. Maybe it's a pen name.

0:08:50 > 0:08:54I wouldn't put my real name on this story, either.

0:08:54 > 0:08:58"Dear Mr. Glitchet, I wrote a story and got it published.

0:08:58 > 0:09:02"Thank goodness I took your advice and didn't use real name

0:09:02 > 0:09:06"because everybody hated my story. Should I give up?

0:09:06 > 0:09:10"What should I do? Yours truly, Fern.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13"PS Is Persimmony Glitchet your real name?"

0:09:15 > 0:09:20"Dear Fern, as to my real name, for your own protection

0:09:20 > 0:09:23- "I cannot disclose that information. - Indeed.

0:09:23 > 0:09:26"When people criticize it helps me to imagine

0:09:26 > 0:09:29"horrible things happening to them."

0:09:30 > 0:09:33This story is sooo boring.

0:09:33 > 0:09:36- BIRD SHRIEKS - Aaaaauuuugh!

0:09:38 > 0:09:41"After that, I take a walk,

0:09:41 > 0:09:45"and ask myself if there is any truth to their criticism.

0:09:45 > 0:09:49"Remember dreadful tip number two - write, but more importantly

0:09:49 > 0:09:54"rewrite. Of course, you can also just quit, and I, for one,

0:09:54 > 0:09:59"would not blame you. Only you can decide. Best of luck,

0:09:59 > 0:10:01"Persimmony Glitchet."

0:10:01 > 0:10:03Time for a rewrite!

0:10:03 > 0:10:06"You might think that nothing bad could ever happen

0:10:06 > 0:10:09"to a person as nice as Felicity Bonchance

0:10:09 > 0:10:12"but you would be wrong."

0:10:12 > 0:10:15Argh!

0:10:25 > 0:10:29A Terrible Twist. I've got a second chance!

0:10:29 > 0:10:33"Just when Felicity thought the treasure was hers..."

0:10:33 > 0:10:34Argh!

0:10:36 > 0:10:40- What are you reading? - A Terrible Twist by Agatha Shelley.

0:10:40 > 0:10:41That horrible writer?

0:10:41 > 0:10:47She got better. In this, Felicity is like someone you'd write about.

0:10:47 > 0:10:49You said she was way too happy.

0:10:49 > 0:10:52This time she's smart and funny and brave.

0:10:52 > 0:10:55Like her writing a letter in invisible ink?

0:10:55 > 0:10:58Yeah, and when she disguised herself as a Gypsy...

0:10:58 > 0:11:01..and smuggled the coins in a tambourine.

0:11:01 > 0:11:04But you said you hadn't read it.

0:11:04 > 0:11:06I, um, just heard about it.

0:11:06 > 0:11:10The Dreary Delicatessen is finally here!

0:11:10 > 0:11:13I can't wait to meet Persimmony Glitchet.

0:11:13 > 0:11:16Don't count on it. He never shows up for these things.

0:11:19 > 0:11:21Mr Glitchet, my name is...

0:11:21 > 0:11:26I'm Mr Glitchet's chauffeur. Mr Glitchet cannot be here today.

0:11:26 > 0:11:27I told you!

0:11:32 > 0:11:35I much prefer an Agatha Christie mystery

0:11:35 > 0:11:38to those Horrendously Horrible books.

0:11:38 > 0:11:42Persimmony Glitchet is one of my favourite authors.

0:11:42 > 0:11:45I hear he's extremely secretive.

0:11:45 > 0:11:48- He writes letters in invisible ink. - How do you know?

0:11:48 > 0:11:53He wrote to me twice with advice on writing. I wanted to thank him.

0:11:53 > 0:11:55Are you ready to go?

0:11:55 > 0:12:00- May I see your copy of Number Fourteen?- Um...sure.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07What was that?

0:12:07 > 0:12:10"Dear Fern, when you are a famous writer,

0:12:10 > 0:12:13"I promise not to reveal your identity..."

0:12:17 > 0:12:19It must be him!

0:12:30 > 0:12:34# Every day when you're walking down the street

0:12:34 > 0:12:36# Everybody that you meet

0:12:36 > 0:12:39# Has an original point of view

0:12:39 > 0:12:42- # And I say, hey!- Hey!

0:12:42 > 0:12:44# What a wonderful day! #