0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Every day when you're walkin' down the street
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Everybody that you meet
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Has an original point of view
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- # And I say, hey!- Hey!
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# What a wonderful kind of day
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# We can learn to work and play
0:00:17 > 0:00:20# And get along with each other
0:00:21 > 0:00:23# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Listen to the rhythm The rhythm of the street
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# Open up your eyes! Open up your ears!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# Get together and make things better by working together
0:00:32 > 0:00:36# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# Oh, believe in yourself
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# For that's the place to start
0:00:41 > 0:00:46- # And I say, hey!- Hey! - What a wonderful kind of day
0:00:46 > 0:00:51# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other
0:00:51 > 0:00:56# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Hey, DW!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Hey!- Whoa...! - BUMPING AND CRASHING
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Oh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09They say everyone has a story to tell,
0:01:09 > 0:01:12and no-one has more stories than Fern.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15- Oh!- Well, usually, that is.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Hey, Fern - how's the story coming? - Huh? Oh, great.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Just writing up a storm here. - Good. Because your piece
0:01:22 > 0:01:25will be the main event at Muffy's Fiction Forum tomorrow.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Oh, and did I tell you - a famous writer is going to be there?
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Oh, no! I mean - that's great. Who?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36It's a surprise. But I'm sure he'll love your writing.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- You're so creative!- Oh!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44This story is called...Blank,
0:01:44 > 0:01:46so very, erm,
0:01:46 > 0:01:49blank...and, er,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- er...- Hold on! Did you write a story or not?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56I tried, but I just couldn't think of anything!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00You mean I hath travelled 404 years into the future for this?!
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Methinks this Fern is a fraud!
0:02:04 > 0:02:09- SHE GASPS - I need an idea - something, anything!
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Give me an idea!
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Hey, want to play catch?
0:02:22 > 0:02:26How can I when I'm supposed to write a whole story by tomorrow
0:02:26 > 0:02:28and I don't have a single idea?!
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Oh, yeah, Muffy's Fiction Forum - I'm going to that, too!
0:02:31 > 0:02:35I could tell you stories that smack the taste right out of your mouth!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37I never write them down, though. There was this one time...
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- Oh, I should let you work. - No, no - tell me, please!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Well, I have this Aunt Mable who knits these wild-looking ponchos.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47But what she's really good at is bingo.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49She's the second-best player in all of Orleans parish.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54Now, you might ask, who's the best player? No-one knows!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57He comes in a cloak and a hat pulled way down,
0:02:57 > 0:03:01and he never loses. Some people say he won a jet pack once.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Aunt Mable thinks he cheats but she can't prove it.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07But you know what the really spooky part is?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Aunt Mable can't knit.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Where do all the ponchos come from?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Erm, thanks. I've got to go!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Good luck!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Prizes had been mysteriously vanishing
0:03:21 > 0:03:24from the great bingo halls of Europe,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26and only one woman could crack the case -
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Detective Virgule Oiteau.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Eeen-teresting!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Agh! >
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Quickly, Bastings!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41There was a man in a grey coat and hat -
0:03:41 > 0:03:43he took everything, even a jet pack!
0:03:43 > 0:03:47There, there, Aunt Sabel - I'm sure we'll find the culprit.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Well, what are you standing around here for?
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Go after 'em!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54SHE SOBS
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Mmm! Something, it smells of ze fish!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Look, Oiteau - over there!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:04:05 > 0:04:08This way, mon ami - we shall take ze abbreviated route!
0:04:13 > 0:04:18So, we meet again... Monsieur Grey Dove!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20'Ow did you know it was me?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23It was...an 'oonch!
0:04:23 > 0:04:24What's an 'oonch?
0:04:24 > 0:04:29An 'oonch! You know, you get a feeling, but you have not ze facts?
0:04:29 > 0:04:34- Eh, forget eet!- Well done, Oiteau! Another mystery solved!
0:04:34 > 0:04:39Not yet, mon ami. You see, ze Grey Dove is just a piece of ze puzzle.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Multi-coloured ponchos? Where did you get these?
0:04:42 > 0:04:45And where are all the bingo prizes?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49She gave them to me on the condition that I never play bingo again!
0:04:49 > 0:04:51A-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54You'll never catch me now, Oiteau!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Quickly, toss me zat ball!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Agh!
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Ooh!
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Blimey! How did you know?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13When I find dis thread, Oiteau knows,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17it is from the unfashionable poncho of Aunt Sabel.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21It wasn't fair! I wanted to show them all that Aunt Sabel
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- was second to no-one!- Well, I guess this caper will be just another yarn
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- for you to tell, hey, Oiteau? - Bingo, my dear Bastings.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Bingo!- Ha-ha-ha!
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- That was great, Fern!- It's just like a Raymond Hammett story!
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Unfortunately, our guest writer couldn't make it today,
0:05:39 > 0:05:44but he's coming tomorrow, so I say we have another literary gathering then.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- All those in favour?- Aye!
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Great! Oh, and Fern - if you could do another Oiteau mystery,
0:05:51 > 0:05:53that would be fabulous - thanks!
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Another story?!
0:05:56 > 0:06:02Hey, nice story. Especially the part where it was completely mine!
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- What are you talking about?- The bingo, the ponchos, the jet pack!
0:06:06 > 0:06:10And why did you make my aunt the villain - she's a real nice lady!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13It wasn't your aunt - her name was Mabel.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- My character was Sabel. - Big deal - you changed a letter!
0:06:17 > 0:06:22OK, maybe I borrowed an idea or two, but Dial B For Bingo is a mystery -
0:06:22 > 0:06:25you never said anything about a detective.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28That's true. Still, I wish you had asked me first.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- I- might like to use that stuff in a story some day.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34And you should. If you wanted, I'd even help you.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- Just not tonight.- I know just what I would write about.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I've got this Uncle Silas, who's a clown, with the craziest hairdo,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44and he has this parrot who tells terrible jokes.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45But once the parrot got lost in...
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Ladonna, it sounds amazing, but I should really go and get to work.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Oh, OK. Good luck!
0:06:52 > 0:06:56What a great story - how does Fern come up with them?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Methinks you have writer's block.
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- What's that?- When one's well of ideas has dried to dust,
0:07:13 > 0:07:16the nib of one's quill begins to rust...
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Oh!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Oh, hi, Mrs Compson - can I speak to Ladonna?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Oh, she's asleep?
0:07:31 > 0:07:35OK. Erm, no, no message. Thanks.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Ah!
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Oiteau and Bastings made their way through the deep, dense jungle.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Polly the Parrot, the pride of the Cirque de Fauteuil,
0:07:47 > 0:07:50had gone missing, and the trail had led them to the Congo.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55A fezzer - and it is still warm! We are close...!
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Agh!- Watch out!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03It seems to be tipped with peanut butter.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07You have saved me from a really 'orrible rash, mon ami!
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Virgule Oiteau, she is very allergique!
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- I'm- not!- Bastings, behold -
0:08:15 > 0:08:18zer is more than one archer in zis jungle.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Only a clown would use this type of, how you say...prop comedy?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Agg! Polly! >
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Ah-ha! Siras the Clown!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33It was you who kidnapped Polly!
0:08:33 > 0:08:37You're right, I did it, but it was only to protect her!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- Someone else is after here.- But who?
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Zis thread - I have seen it somewhere before.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Huh! Ze Grey Dove!
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I got rid of the ponchos - they were itchy.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55But I guess a thread must have stuck to me.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Say bye-bye, birdie! It's time to collect my ransom!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Quick! Monsieur Clown - untie ze rope!
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Ugh!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Zis shape - it is like ze boomerang!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Ha-ha-ha-ha...! Ow!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Polly was safe, and the Grey Dove went to prison.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20But Siras did not take Polly back to the circus,
0:09:20 > 0:09:25because, more than anything, Polly wanted...her freedom.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27APPLAUSE
0:09:27 > 0:09:31That was wonderful, Fern - where on earth do you get these ideas?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- Erm, well...- Excuse me!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I've got a story I want to tell!
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Hope you'll like it as much as I liked yours(!)
0:09:40 > 0:09:46- CLEARS THROAT - Ferg - that's with a G, not an N - was a cat burglar,
0:09:46 > 0:09:51only instead of stealing cats, she stole something else.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55LIGHTNING CRASHES
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Why, Ferg - whatever are you doing?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Oh! Erm, nothing, Ladella, I was just leaving.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14I believe you have something of mine.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Ha-ha! What do you mean?
0:10:16 > 0:10:21You have stolen something that is very, very valuable to me -
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- my stories! - Wait a minute...
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Ladella couldn't let Ferg steal the story of Uncle Silas
0:10:28 > 0:10:31and his parrot - which he did not steal from a French circus,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34but bought at the pet store in the mall...
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- Hey, that was about me! - It's just a story!
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- See, the name's different? - You want a story? Fine.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I'm writing one right now about a girl named Ladoona,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- who doesn't understand the creative process.- Oh, yeah?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I'm writing a story about a writer named Ferm...
0:10:50 > 0:10:53who won't admit that she steals stories!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I'm not a thief. I tried to call you but you were asleep!
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Excuse me, but these new stories that you're writing -
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- they sound very dull. - I want her to admit
0:11:01 > 0:11:05that she was using stories about my family!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09I wasn't! That could have been any bad joke-telling parrot,
0:11:09 > 0:11:11and Sabel isn't Mabel, and Silas isn't Siras.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13I mean, Siras isn't...
0:11:13 > 0:11:17OK, I admit it! I have writer's block!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21I have no more ideas left! I'm finished!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23And I just got carried away.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I didn't think of it as stealing, but I guess it was.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I'm sorry.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Well...but you did start writing again.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34That Grey Dove stuff - that was all you.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- That's true!- Maybe we could even work on a story together,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- like, as a team? - BANGING
0:11:42 > 0:11:45OK, I'm officially bored, but the good news is,
0:11:45 > 0:11:48our guest author has arrived. Ladies and gentlemen -
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Ed Crosswire!
0:11:50 > 0:11:55This is from my new memoir, A Deal Like You Wouldn't Believe.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Chapter One - I was born near the dump,
0:11:58 > 0:12:01but I knew I wasn't garbage...
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd