0:00:01 > 0:00:03Hola, mis amigos!
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Bienvenidos a Barney's America Latina!
0:00:06 > 0:00:07Ariba, ariba!
0:00:07 > 0:00:08It's showtime!
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Let me introduce you to a carnival of creatures.
0:00:11 > 0:00:12From fabulous and freaky frogs,
0:00:12 > 0:00:16to hollering howler monkeys, to manic, meat-eating plants.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Magnifico!
0:00:17 > 0:00:21They're all connected to each other in this wonderful world of wildlife,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24by funny, fabulous and fantastic facts.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25'Get on with it!'
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Oh, sorry!
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Tres, dos, uno! Es la hora de Barney's Latin America.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Ahh, this is more like it.
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Bit of a break, eh?
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Yeah.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49Good weather, good company, good times.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Oh, hey!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Right! Take your ball back!
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Ow!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08There's a note attached to it.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14"Dear Barney and Gemma, we, the animals of Latin America,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17"feel that our football team has been ignored for far too long."
0:01:17 > 0:01:19BOTH: Football team?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21"All we ever here is "flamingo" this,
0:01:21 > 0:01:25"killer whale" that. Can they beat two defenders and score a goal? No.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29"But we can. So we've been polishing up our football skills."
0:01:29 > 0:01:31BOTH: Football skills?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34"And now we demand that our story be told."
0:01:34 > 0:01:36BOTH: "Demand?" Ooooh!
0:01:36 > 0:01:39You're invited to take a grandstand seat to witness
0:01:39 > 0:01:43some of the finest footwork, striking skills and awesome agility
0:01:43 > 0:01:46that the animals of Latin America have to offer.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49From the speedy sailfish
0:01:49 > 0:01:51to the cunning caiman to the hovering hummingbird,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54prepare to be amazed by what you're about to see.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Yes, it's the Latin American football dream team.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05And every team line-up needs keen commentators.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07So, what are we waiting for?
0:02:07 > 0:02:08I've always wanted to do this!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Let's go over to the commentary box!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Well, hello, and welcome to Football Show Latino.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I'm Barney Harwood, and this is my co-commentator, Brian Hunt.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Now, the Latin American all-stars are manager-less at the moment,
0:02:21 > 0:02:24after sacking their long term manager, Alpaca,
0:02:24 > 0:02:26for being, well, a bit woolly.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Yes, Barney,
0:02:27 > 0:02:28but let's not dwell on that.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30The stadium is full.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34The crowd are about to pop with excitement.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Let's meet the team.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41So, in the show today,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43let's run through the team sheet
0:02:43 > 0:02:44and take a look at who's earned
0:02:44 > 0:02:46a place in the final 11.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47Some players are still undecided,
0:02:47 > 0:02:51due to the delay in appointing a new manager. Let the show commence,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54we can watch the team sheet unfold as final selections are made.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Allow us to present to you
0:02:56 > 0:02:58the all-star Latin American football team.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03First it's the goalkeeper, the trickiest,
0:03:03 > 0:03:05most specialist position on the pitch.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08There are two players in the running for this key position.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Two?- Yes, two.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Actually, there's only one goalkeeper in football, not two.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Exactly, so let's see who is in contention
0:03:16 > 0:03:18and what they could bring to the team.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21First up, with a safe pair of hands,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24is Guyana's spider monkey, Monkinho.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29It's true, he does have phenomenal grip. His agility around the trees,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31and therefore the goal, can't be questioned.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- However...- However, he's not the only agile Amazonian.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37The other player fighting for this spot
0:03:37 > 0:03:39is the pygmy marmoset Pygmito!
0:03:40 > 0:03:45I'm really fast between the sticks. Look at me! Go, go! Whee! Whee!
0:03:45 > 0:03:49This cheeky little customer hails from Peru and has immense agility.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50But most of all...
0:03:50 > 0:03:51He's tiny!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53He'd be rubbish in goal, look.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54BOOS
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I might be small, but I'm the number one round here!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Barney, can we please get back on track?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Look, I've just found the team sheet
0:04:02 > 0:04:06and the old manager has clearly placed the spider monkey in goal.
0:04:06 > 0:04:11But do we really want someone on the team whose idea of a half-time treat
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- is a mouthful of mud pie? - That is not mud, Barney,
0:04:14 > 0:04:17that is the latest healthy diet currently being adopted
0:04:17 > 0:04:19by all the continent's greatest goalkeepers.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21What?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23To stave off infection and improve digestion,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25the spider monkey eats cool clumps of clay.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26So, there you have it.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Agile, great grip and a healthy diet.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31But what about the pygmy marmoset?
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- He feeds on...- Leaves? Berries?
0:04:35 > 0:04:36- Bogeys.- Bogeys?
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Only joking, it's gummy tree sap, actually.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42A lot of keepers chew gum, Barney,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45but you need more than stickiness to stop a penalty.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Anyway, the spider monkey had already been selected by the old manager.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Fair play.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51The green goalie jersey
0:04:51 > 0:04:53goes to the spider monkey.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Let's just hope he doesn't have
0:04:54 > 0:04:56clay feet as well as clay breath.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58That's the goalkeeper sorted.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01The spine of the team is looking strong already.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I'm just getting some new information
0:05:05 > 0:05:09that the Latin American All-stars are on the verge
0:05:09 > 0:05:11of appointing a new manager!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14There's more news on that as we receive it, Barney.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17More news on that as we receive it, Barney, indeed, Brian.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Um, yes. OK, right,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24let's move on to the defence line-up, shall we?
0:05:24 > 0:05:25First up, we have
0:05:25 > 0:05:26a great player on the wing,
0:05:26 > 0:05:28it's the fringe-lipped bat
0:05:28 > 0:05:29from Panama,
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Batistuta.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31No time for fringe players,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34this is all about the first team, 110%, all the way.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37What's going on here? Is it floodlight failure?
0:05:37 > 0:05:38- I don't understand.- No, Barney,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42the fringe-lipped bat is just showing us his natural pitch sense.
0:05:42 > 0:05:47Thanks to his powers of echolocation, he can even play in pitch black.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I'm not sure how pleased the new manager will be
0:05:50 > 0:05:53that his player has been caught out the night before a big game.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Oh, I'm just receiving confirmation
0:05:56 > 0:05:59that we can go over for a press conference right now
0:05:59 > 0:06:01to meet the new boss.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Yeah, I'm Venus Cardelus,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I'm delighted to be taking over as the new boss.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Such a fantastic team of players.
0:06:09 > 0:06:14So how do you react to the all night partying of the bat?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I heard about that, I'll have a word with the boy about it.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Not too happy. Not too happy.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Well, that was interesting, but let's get back to the fringe-lipped bat,
0:06:22 > 0:06:27who is currently showing off his ability to pick off the opposition.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31That was a cracking press conference. Brian, you were saying?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37The fringe-lipped bat has the incredible ability
0:06:37 > 0:06:40of telling whether or not a frog is poisonous or not.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43By listening to the frog's call with those sensitive ears,
0:06:43 > 0:06:46he can tell a frog that's good to eat from one that isn't.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Excellent, so we've got a defender that can eat frogs.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51That'll come in really useful.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54So, the fringe-lipped bat is the ideal link man
0:06:54 > 0:06:56to take the ball from the spider monkey,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59as they are both careful about what they eat.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Good diet leads to good fitness,
0:07:01 > 0:07:02I always said that.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Who's next on our defence line-up?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Our next defender is also the team captain.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10He's menacing...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13..cunning...and a real predator.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Just the kind to lead by example, it's the caiman,
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Caimandrinho.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Let's take a look at some of his recent performances, shall we?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26He leaps into the air with vigour,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29crashing down on to the fish in the water below to stun them.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31What a stunning player!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36On me head!
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Referee!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Just look at how good he is in the air!
0:07:42 > 0:07:47But they're only playing against tiddly little fish, he's enormous!
0:07:47 > 0:07:48That's hardly a real test.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50This is just his warm up.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52He'll happily take on amphibians, water birds,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55and even wild pig, catching his target prey with one swift bite.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57That ability to go with the flow
0:07:57 > 0:08:00makes the caiman a deadly force in the centre of defence.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And he links nicely to the fringe-lipped bat,
0:08:03 > 0:08:05as they're both great players in the air.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09They haven't been wasting their time in the rainforest, have they?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- This is beginning to look like a solid outfit.- Indeed.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Now let's see who's the third member of our defence line.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18It's the brown pelican, Browpeldo.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I know for a fact that the new manager is a big fan
0:08:20 > 0:08:22of the swift, attacking defender.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25But wouldn't this brown pelican be the perfect wing back?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Wing back? Get it? Yes, she's got wings, well done.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32But why else is the pelican in our team line-up?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34For starters, Mexico's brown pelican
0:08:34 > 0:08:36doesn't mind playing in wet weather,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38she's the most sea-faring of all pelicans.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Her real skill is accuracy to the target.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44She's the only pelican to use plunge-diving to catch her prey.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Hang on, you said "diving." Isn't that cheating?
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Plunge-diving, a great technique
0:08:48 > 0:08:51for getting quickly to a fast-moving target, like fish.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Or a ball.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57Of course, she can spot a fish over 20 metres away,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00and hit the water at 70 kilometres per hour.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Wow, that's high-impact stuff.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05She must have a big BILL for all her physio!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Ha-ha, very good.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12Actually, air sacks under her skin cushion the impact of the water.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15A great athlete and a great sweeper, what a player.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Here, let me help you.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Oi, that's my fish! Give it back!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Hmm, looks like concentration might be an issue, though.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Not really. You see, that bill pouch
0:09:25 > 0:09:28is nearly three times as big as her stomach,
0:09:28 > 0:09:30and can hold three gallons of water and fish.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33That's like 77 bowls of porridge,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36so it can afford to lose the odd fish or two.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Yes, but what's really great about this player
0:09:38 > 0:09:40is her commitment to the future.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43As you can see, she's been working with the youth team.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45A guiding hand, is that what you're about to tell me?
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Oh! She's just stepped on one of the apprentices!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Oh, nice, now she just poops on him.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Fully justified. Our brown pelican
0:09:55 > 0:09:58will poop on its chicks to keep them cool.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01I think it's an excellent new training technique.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02Well, it's certainly different.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07So, the brown pelican connects to the caiman because...
0:10:07 > 0:10:09They both look good in shorts?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12They both hit the right target every time.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Making the brown pelican the ideal defender
0:10:15 > 0:10:17to take the ball from the caiman.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21So, the bat, the caiman and the pelican are shaping up nicely
0:10:21 > 0:10:23as one great defensive unit.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I think their new manager, Cardelus, really knows his stuff.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I'm a bit suspicious about this new manager,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34there's something about him I just don't get.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Don't be so silly, Brian.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37He's a football man, through and through.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40And rather good looking, don't you think?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Not especially, I don't really like moustaches.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Then you're in the wrong game, Brian.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48If you can't wear a moustache proudly in football, where can you?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Let's move on to that tricky right back position, Barney.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Here we have, fresh in from Galapagos United,
0:10:56 > 0:10:57a sleek, seamless player.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59The sea lion, Sealmino.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00In tandem with the brown pelican,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I can't think of a better pair on the defence line.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Yes, but Sealmino seems to be
0:11:05 > 0:11:08mopping up more of the sun than the opposition.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10He's still suffering with a hamstring injury,
0:11:10 > 0:11:14so has to undergo vigorous physio with the lava lizard.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16We'll have no more sliding tackles from you!
0:11:16 > 0:11:20At 250 kilograms, he's got a lot of weight to pull around.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Wow! That's like four Gemmas, after a slice of chocolate cake
0:11:23 > 0:11:25and six raspberry ripple ice-creams!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Hardly a sportsman's physique.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29But a powerful presence to block those passes.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Hey, ugly, get off my beach!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36It's my beach!
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Step outside.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Hang on, what's Sealmino doing here?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45He's throwing his weight around a bit, isn't he?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47He's just defending his territory.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51The male sea lion loses his territory, on average, every 27 days,
0:11:51 > 0:11:52to some young upstart.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56A good tournament player, maybe, but not much good for a full season.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59And too prone to injury, one for the subs bench, I think.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Not so fast. Take a look at
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Sealmino's streamlined, seamless play.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06He's sure to be an asset on the pitch.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Is that a Mexican wave?
0:12:07 > 0:12:13Very funny! His bad temper might make him a risky choice for the team,
0:12:13 > 0:12:17but his confidence in the water puts him on the front line of defence
0:12:17 > 0:12:18for those rainforest fixtures.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Hello, Mum!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Surf's up, dude! Woo!
0:12:22 > 0:12:26So he's very talented in the water, just like the brown pelican.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Great stuff.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30So, that's the final defender in position.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Magic.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Let's take a look at how this defence unit shape up together.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44Yes, it's time for the pre-match zonal analysis sector...thingy.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I was thinking more of a reminder of what we've seen so far, Brian.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Oh, yes.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52First up, and at his agile best
0:12:52 > 0:12:53between the sticks
0:12:53 > 0:12:56was the goalkeeping spider monkey, Monkinho!
0:12:56 > 0:13:00This stopper had the edge and the reach over his pygmy primate cousin.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Picking up the ball from his
0:13:01 > 0:13:03goalkeeper is Batistuta,
0:13:03 > 0:13:05the fringe-lipped bat.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08A smart diet regime makes Batistuta the ideal link man
0:13:08 > 0:13:10for his clay-eating team-mate.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Holding the line and leading by fierce example,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18is the caiman captain, Caimandrinho.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Just like Batistuta, his great skill in the air
0:13:20 > 0:13:22is sure to get the team leaping for glory.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Next up is Browpeldo, the brown pelican.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Her precision to the target
0:13:27 > 0:13:30makes her the perfect partner for the caiman.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Over on the right of defence
0:13:35 > 0:13:36is the sea lion, Sealmino.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Together with the brown pelican,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41their skills in the water are sure to carry the team
0:13:41 > 0:13:42through the wet weather games.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46So that's five on the list and six to go.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I think we've got a pretty solid defence there, Barney.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52But they'll need to get the ball up the field, won't they?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Absolutely, so let's move on to take a look at the midfield players.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00What would you say characterises a Latin American midfielder, Brian?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Speed? Skill? Agility?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06We're currently waiting on the new manager to decide who to choose
0:14:06 > 0:14:08for that first midfield position.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Going head to head for a place on the team are two Cuban internationals -
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Saoulle the sailfish, and Delphino, the spinner dolphin.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Woo-hoo!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Let's look at what they're made of.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25Wow, just look at how quickly this team of spinners move,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27they'll have no trouble getting to the ball.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Woo-hoo!
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Showboating, showboating, plain and simple.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34We can't have that.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37No, Barney, it may actually be a clever way of communicating.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39This lot are real team players.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42OK, maybe with a touch of ego thrown in.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Back of the net!
0:14:43 > 0:14:45The jury's still out for me.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Let's have a look at the sailfish, no doubts about this fella.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Well, he's pretty sleek.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53He'll certainly add a bit of style to the team.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Just look at that slender...beak?
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Nose?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58It's actually his upper jaw,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00it juts out to form a long spear,
0:15:00 > 0:15:03which he will sometimes use to stun or skewer his prey.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I hope the opposition stays out of his way!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08And what a beautiful fin.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10I'm not Finnish, I'm from Cuba!
0:15:10 > 0:15:13The characteristic sail helps Saoulle to round up the ball,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15setting him apart from other midfielders.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18That's a funny looking ball.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It's a ball of fish,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23and that sail helps him keep them together,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25making them easier to catch.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Just look at the way he brings his team-mates into play here.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Look, they're doing that ball thing again. Come on, lads, game on.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Quick, make a circle! Round and round and round.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Shouldn't we make a different shape? Like a triangle or something?
0:15:37 > 0:15:42But it looks like Delphino has some great skills on the ball, too.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Volley, go on, volley it.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46That's not a ball, it's a lump of seaweed!
0:15:46 > 0:15:47On me head!
0:15:47 > 0:15:51If you can have a ball made of fish, you can have a ball made of seaweed.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Just look at the way he handles the ball there.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57You're not allowed to handle the ball, this is football!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- Flipper-ball! - Hand-ball, flipper-ball,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02what we've got here is a clear case of hand-balls,
0:16:02 > 0:16:04so I'm afraid it's a red card for this lot.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Did I happen to mention the sailfish is the fastest fish in the sea?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13It can travel at around 110 kilometres an hour.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14OK, news just in,
0:16:14 > 0:16:16we're being told that the new manager has chosen
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Saoulle the sailfish for the right side of the midfield
0:16:20 > 0:16:22to work in tandem with the sea lion.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Spot on.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27With the ball passing between this streamlined duo,
0:16:27 > 0:16:29we're bound to see some seamless play.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Their collective speed will provide
0:16:31 > 0:16:32some great overlaps
0:16:32 > 0:16:33as the game gets into its flow.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Let's hope the pitch is waterlogged,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38to help the performance of these two marine marvels.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Who's next on the team sheet for midfield?
0:16:40 > 0:16:45Next up is a player with great speed, style and flair.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Three great ingredients for an attacking midfielder.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49Let me guess - Humandrino?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Swordbilldo. Billeko!
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Lionel, actually.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Lionel comes from a large family of footballing hummingbirds,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04and they all have super speed and manoeuvrability in their genes.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07But you can't wear jeans to play football! Whatever next?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Hummingbirds may be small, but they are magic.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13They can flap their wings up to 80 times per second
0:17:13 > 0:17:17and can fly up, down, left, right and even backwards.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19That's like the Robinho swizzle-dip
0:17:19 > 0:17:21and Tevez curl twirl rolled into one!
0:17:21 > 0:17:25And they can fly at up to 85 kilometres per hour.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27That's 400 body lengths per second.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Uh, OK, is that all?
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Well, Lionel is a sword-billed hummingbird,
0:17:32 > 0:17:36so he has a beak that is four times the length of his body.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38As well as being super quick to the ball,
0:17:38 > 0:17:41he can get himself into some seriously sweet scoring positions.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43That is impressive.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45With the joint speed and manoeuvrability
0:17:45 > 0:17:46of Saoulle the sailfish,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49these sword billed wanderers make a great midfield pair.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56So, that's two of our four midfielders sorted.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I have to say, there's a lot of flair in this team,
0:17:58 > 0:18:02but they're going to need some fancy footwork to keep hold of the ball.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Next in the line-up, in the centre of midfield
0:18:06 > 0:18:08is the wire-tailed manakin, Mankie.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10This pretty-boy is a great pitch communicator
0:18:10 > 0:18:12and definitely one for the ladies.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Mankie, nice.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Take a look at this training ground footage.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Just look at the all-round beauty,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22elegance and grace of this Ecuadorian international.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28That proves nothing, he's just dancing around like Drogba.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Or Peter Crouch.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34This stylish player uses his tail to signal to his team-mates,
0:18:34 > 0:18:37so they can then play the ball exactly where he wants it.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Fabulous team player!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42It's a Latin American Footballer Of The Year Award for this fella.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Oh, er, yeah. I'd just like to thank my hairstylist.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Oh, I see! He shakes his tail-feather like no-one else,
0:18:51 > 0:18:54making him a real heartthrob with the WAGs.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Oh, yes! These display matches may be the only chance he gets
0:18:58 > 0:19:00to build up his female fan base.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03OK, so the manakin takes the centre of attention in midfield
0:19:03 > 0:19:04with his groovy moves.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Paired with the hummingbird,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09there's no shortage of graceful, stylish manoeuvres here.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11That's three of our four midfielders sorted, Barney.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Well, whilst you try and digest that, Brian,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I'm going to head to the dressing room and smooth things over.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Er, right. Um, yes.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Let's find out who's going to be the final midfield player...
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Oh, hang on. It seems we can go over to the tunnel
0:19:27 > 0:19:29for another pre-match chat with Bobvado Cardelus.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32So, Bob, how do you react to accusations that your team is
0:19:32 > 0:19:36lightweight, showboating, preening and lacking any real toughness?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Well, you wouldn't be saying that if I put you in the room
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- with our team captain, the caiman, now, would you?- Er, no.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45No, you'd probably be saying, "Ee! Agh! Help!"
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Ha ha!
0:19:47 > 0:19:51But now, I have taken the criticism on board and I'd like to announce
0:19:51 > 0:19:53a shock change in midfield.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Hey, wait a minute. I can play in that position.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57No, you're off the team, mate.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I want a bit of aggression and control at the same time,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02so I'm going to put in the coati.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Well, that is a surprise.
0:20:06 > 0:20:12Carlo the coati is noted for his varied diet and scavenging tactics.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14As you can see from his past performances,
0:20:14 > 0:20:16he's a real team player.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Hang on, he's just milling around, isn't he? Avoiding the action!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I'm beginning to wonder if the manager has made a mistake.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25It may look like that, but that's because he's very sociable,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28roaming around in groups in search of good pickings.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31He has a real team ethic as well as being a supreme scavenger.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34No prey is too dirty, or too ugly.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37This one will always get stuck in when the other midfielders won't.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Hm! Needs some brown sauce.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44He also has a little trick up his tail
0:20:44 > 0:20:46that might surprise the opposition.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49He holds it up in the air to keep the team together
0:20:49 > 0:20:51and moves it around to signal to the others.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53It also gives him great balance,
0:20:53 > 0:20:56so he won't get knocked off his feet by his opponents.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59So he can coordinate a whole team with just his tail?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Yep. He also has reversible ankle bones
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- which enable him to climb down trees head first.- Fancy footwork indeed!
0:21:06 > 0:21:11So Carlo the coati is a perfect team-mate for Mankie the manakin.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Because they both prefer a cream tea to a slice of orange at half-time?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17No! Using their tails!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19They both have great communication skills,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22which help to keep the team on the ball at all times.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25The coati joins the sailfish, hummingbird and manakin
0:21:25 > 0:21:27to complete the midfield.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Attack! Attack! Atta-a-a-ack!
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- Calm down!- This is what Latin American football's all about.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38From the Uruguay World Cup in 1930 to Mexico '86,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41nothing says Latin American football more than attack.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44It's not about moustaches any more then?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46It's all about the whiskers, baby.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49And this cat has plenty of them.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Pretty!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55And deadly. This is Marcello the margay.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01As sleek and nimble a goal-mouth predator as you are likely to find.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Great technique there.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Just look at how he stalks around the penalty box in
0:22:06 > 0:22:09the same way as he protects the boundaries of his territory.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Boom! On target! Back of the net.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Not only is this Brazilian predator deadly in the box,
0:22:15 > 0:22:20- he also has fantastic footwork. - He's running away.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Behave! He's tracking back. Just look at those feet.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27He can almost invert them completely to keep a firm grip on the surface
0:22:27 > 0:22:30as he nimbly gets back to help the midfield.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Hang on! It's just a butterfly.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37A great striker just makes it look easy.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- Haven't you noticed it's dark? - Oh, yeah!
0:22:39 > 0:22:43The margay is nocturnal. He prefers to play at night,
0:22:43 > 0:22:47liking nothing more than the midweek floodlit atmosphere of a cup tie.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51But Latin America is being played here at 3pm.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53That won't be a problem.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56A mangay's dappled coat provides him with excellent camouflage.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59So he'll still be able to shake free his opponents
0:22:59 > 0:23:01and travel around the pitch undetected.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04- Even in broad daylight. - Blink and you'll miss him.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Precisely. So there we have our first striker, Marcello the margay.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12There should be a nice bit of link play between the coati and margay.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Two nimble players with fancy footwork
0:23:14 > 0:23:17will ensure an efficient attack.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20OK, so who's the other striker partnering the margay?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Well, this looks to be a controversial decision,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27but it's the territorial maned wolf, Madaldo.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29A maned wolf? That's madness!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33A dog playing alongside a cat? It'll never work!
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Look at the poise of Madaldo! Look at the legs!
0:23:36 > 0:23:40He can move when he wants to, use his height when he needs to,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43strike like a real penalty-box predator.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47That's a very non-league effort. Look at the opposition - a mouse!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Not top-flight, world-class performance.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Even I'D look good against them.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56On the contrary, the maned wolf is the largest canine in Latin America,
0:23:56 > 0:24:00an expert at playing on grass, a real lone hunter.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05And...he communicates by scent-marking with wee.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10Oh! Well, he's good at marking and protective of his territory.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I can't see him liking the idea of joining a cat on the field
0:24:13 > 0:24:15but I guess he's a professional, so there we have it.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19- Cat and dog!- Margay and maned wolf.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24Two great predatory attackers who are experts in protecting territory.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26The final additions to our line-up.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29OK, so time to take a look at the full team sheet.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33First up was Monkinho, the goalkeeping spider monkey.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Super agile and as solid in goal as dried mud.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39The ideal man to bring the ball into the back four
0:24:39 > 0:24:42is Batistuta, the fringe-lipped bat.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Good diet leads to good sense for both these players.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49The caiman captain, Caimandrinho has a taste for victory
0:24:49 > 0:24:51and is the perfect predator to head this all-star team.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54He and the fringe-lipped bat are both excellent in the air
0:24:54 > 0:24:56and are sure to have the team leaping for glory.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Next up is Browpeldo, the brown pelican.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Accuracy to the target makes him ideal to play beside the caiman.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Next is the sea lion, Sealmino.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09A powerful player who might pack a punch, but with the brown pelican,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12they're sure to win any wet-weather fixtures.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Next in line is sleek and powerful Saoulle the sailfish,
0:25:15 > 0:25:17The fastest fish in football.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20We'll see some streamlined, seamless play between him and the sea lion.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23With a similar physique is Lionel, the sword-billed hummingbird.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Equally quick and nippy, their joint speed and manoeuvrability
0:25:27 > 0:25:29will leave the opposition standing.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33- In the middle of the park is...- The swings?- No, it's Mankie the manakin.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Another stylish and graceful player to partner the hummingbird.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Shaking that tail-feather, he has great moves to communicate,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44whilst making him a huge hit with the WAGS.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Collecting the ball from the manakin is Carlo the coati,
0:25:46 > 0:25:47and equally good communicator.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Elective teamwork brings out the best in this player.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55And playing the ball forward to attack, the coati links up with
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Marcello the margay.
0:25:56 > 0:26:01similarly fleet with flexible feet, it's a sure-footed combination.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03This team is elevated from the lower leagues
0:26:03 > 0:26:08by another territorial pouncing predator - Madaldo the maned wolf.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11What better time to prove he's top dog?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14So there we have it, the final team line-up which should set them
0:26:14 > 0:26:18well on their way to winning the Copa Latin American Championship.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Gemma Hunt. Football Show Latino.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Whilst we wait for the players to take to the pitch,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25how do you react to suggestions that the cat and dog
0:26:25 > 0:26:27simply won't play together up front?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29I think it's a lot of rubbish, Jeff.
0:26:29 > 0:26:34I've seen a dog and cat play before. They've a lot of history, sure,
0:26:34 > 0:26:37but when it comes to football, they get on that pitch and score goals
0:26:37 > 0:26:40and that's what football's all about. Once you score,
0:26:40 > 0:26:42you win the game and people's hearts, Jeff.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Right. Thank you. I think.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- Is that the match ball?- It is.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51I designed it myself... Oh, no! The ball!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Well, it looks like the new manager has let the match
0:26:55 > 0:26:59slip through his fingers even before the opposition has arrived.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Come here, you stupid ball.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Come here!
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Gem, don't just stand there. Help me catch the armadillo.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- I mean ball.- Er, where's the moustache?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Barney! It IS you, I knew it! What are you doing?!
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Sorry, Gem, but I didn't want to stay in and read and be relaxing.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22The animals are so good at football, I wanted a bit of the action.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- Well, you have now. - He's there! Help me!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Well, I suppose I'd better help him. Tune in next time
0:27:28 > 0:27:32for some extreme knitting from Nicaragua.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:41 > 0:27:44E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk