0:00:22 > 0:00:23Jam.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Hello, Nev.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Socks.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30What a long day I've had!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Jam.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Ali Baba, 40 thieves, you know, great show.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Just one problem.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I said there's one problem.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Oh! Angry Pants!
0:00:42 > 0:00:43HE SCREAMS
0:00:43 > 0:00:45No, it's not Andy Prank.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48One of the actors was hit by a flying sweetie,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50- thrown from the stalls.- Ouch!
0:00:50 > 0:00:54- Exactly. He's had to go home and we're an actor short.- Hmmm.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57What am I gonna do? It'll be a disaster.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00You can't have Ali Baba and the 39 thieves.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04I've got to find a replacement for the next show. Tomorrow.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09- There must be somebody out there who can act.- Hmmm. Ah!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14# De-de-de-de de-de-de-de de-de-de-de de-de-de-de... #
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Princess Fatima, it's me!
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Right.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- # De-de-de-de de-de-de-de.... # - Nev, let's talk. Listen.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Erm, Princess Fatima's not in this show.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Oh!
0:01:28 > 0:01:29I know. Sorry.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I tell you what you can do.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34You can help me decide who CAN be in it.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Somebody who's got even more star quality than you.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Ah! Beetroot!
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Yeah! Hey! Beatrice! Nice one!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49# De-de-de-de de-de-de-de de-de-de-de de-de-de-de... #
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Oh, hang on though,
0:01:51 > 0:01:54what happens if Beatrice gets stage fright?
0:01:54 > 0:01:58That'd be bad for her AND the pantomime, wouldn't it?
0:01:58 > 0:02:02It's OK, I can hold an audition and Beatrice can try out first.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08- Huh! Confused.- An audition? It's when you get lots of people together
0:02:08 > 0:02:13who act out the same part, and you give the job to the best actor.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Would you like to appear in our panto?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Pantomime auditions...
0:02:19 > 0:02:20..at 2pm...
0:02:21 > 0:02:24..in Barney's flat.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Huh!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28There. That sounds OK, doesn't it?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Huh! Groovy!
0:02:30 > 0:02:34In the morning I'll get some copies made, give them to postie,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37she can deliver one to everyone, including Beatrice...
0:02:37 > 0:02:39What exactly are you doing?
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Huh!
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Jam!
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Socks!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Oh!
0:02:46 > 0:02:50"The world's largest jam and sock tower was built in Blackpool
0:02:50 > 0:02:54"and stands over 15 metres high!"
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Oh! Wackadoo!
0:02:56 > 0:03:01This book of amazing records has some...amazing records in it!
0:03:01 > 0:03:0515 metres, me and Nev'll beat that no worries.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Our jam and sock tower will start down here,
0:03:08 > 0:03:12and then go up through the hallway, up, up and away! Whoa!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14BUZZER
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Oh! More socks!
0:03:16 > 0:03:20HE PANTS
0:03:20 > 0:03:21HE SNIFFS
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Oh! This must be one of Angry Pant's socks.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26They always pong the most!
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Nice jam!
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Nev? Can you send down some more socks, please?
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Socks!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- OK?- OK, Nevvie!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Now tomorrow, first thing,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42I'll start building the tower down here,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- while you make a start up there. Got that?- Yeah, yeah, tip-top-eroo!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Night, Nevvie!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Night, night, Keith.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54COCKEREL CROWS
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Make sure everyone gets a leaflet, Barney said.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Oh! It's a pity Beatrice isn't in.
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Oh! Mr Prank. His copy of Caretaker's Weekly.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Oh! He'll love that!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10He's so good at his work.
0:04:10 > 0:04:15And...his leaflet for the pantomime auditions at 2pm.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Oh! He'll make such a wonderful actor!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Oh! Come here.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35It's called a letter box.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Feel free to use it.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Oh! I love it when he's moody!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Can you believe it?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53After all those leaflets no-one has turned up to the audition.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Not one person.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Well, except you, of course.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Princess Fatima!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03# De-de-de-de de-de-de-de de-de-de-de de! #
0:05:03 > 0:05:09Nev? Why is there a smelly, jammy sock on the floor?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10KNOCK AT DOOR
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Ah! At last!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14The leaflets have paid off.
0:05:18 > 0:05:25Turnipy or not turnipy, that is the questione.
0:05:25 > 0:05:31Whether 'tis knobblier in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows...
0:05:31 > 0:05:36I'm sorry about the odd socks, Mr Barney, sir.
0:05:36 > 0:05:42I've been losing my usual socks from my sock drawer all week.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Highly suspicious.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46GROWLS
0:05:46 > 0:05:52Anyway, when do I begin in the pantomime, Mr Barney, sir?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56I'm free this evening.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58It doesn't work like that, Mr Prank.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- Please.- Thank you.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04This is an audition, so we'll be seeing other people.
0:06:06 > 0:06:11I'm sure they'll be here shortly. Let's talk about your audition.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14You're playing Ali Baba's 40th thief, OK?
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Your lines are,
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Who cuts my hair? Why, it's Ali of course.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Ali BARBER, you see, it's funny, it's a joke, OK? Easy?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Easy...peasy!
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Who cuts the hair...
0:06:30 > 0:06:32No, no.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Who cuts the hair?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Why not cut some hair?
0:06:36 > 0:06:41Is you hair being cut, sir?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43This is your hair.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Boring.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Is this your... Is this MY hair?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Is this Ali's hair?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Why, it's Ali, of course.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Yes, that's right.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Why, it's Barry, of course.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00(It's the 100th time, he's still not it right.)
0:07:00 > 0:07:03OK, Mr Prank, shall we... Shall we try this again?
0:07:04 > 0:07:05CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Yes.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Is it my hair...her...her choo!
0:07:12 > 0:07:18Oh, I'm sorry about that, Mr Barney, sir. The bear...
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Allergies...
0:07:20 > 0:07:25So, do I, er, do I get the part?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27No way, Jose!
0:07:27 > 0:07:28Mate, I've got no choice.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30OK, Mr Prank...
0:07:32 > 0:07:34..you've got the part.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Thank you, sir, thank you.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38You will not regret this.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Don't forget to learn your lines.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42You must be word perfect.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Perfect word.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Uncle? Are you ready yet?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Coming!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57CAT MEOWS
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I'm dressed as Ali Baba's 40th thief.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- Wow!- Thank you.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Can we go now?- Certainly not. CAT SCREECHES
0:08:07 > 0:08:12I have to rehearse for my big role tonight. Stick that in the CD player.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Mi-mi-ah-aaah.
0:08:20 > 0:08:26- CD: Greetings, fellow thespians. - Greetings, Sir Oliver.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31'Let us begin with the actor's most important tool - the lungs.'
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Yes...situated here.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35CAT MEOWS
0:08:35 > 0:08:42'Let's start by opening our mouths and breathing in - slowly,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- 'and deeply.'- Ooh.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- 'Slowly and deeply.' - Aaaa-aaah-tishoo-oo!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51CRASH!
0:08:51 > 0:08:57'Vocal chords...vocal vocal chords...vocal chords...'
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I think you broke it, uncle.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05That blue bear set off my allergies. Let's not worry about that now.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Now, my first line is...
0:09:08 > 0:09:13My first line... What is my first line? Um...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Who...
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Ah, yes, who...
0:09:18 > 0:09:25- Cuts my hair...- Ah, yes, of course. Who cuts my hair? Why it's...
0:09:25 > 0:09:30This is boring, Bandit. Wake me up when he gets it right.
0:09:30 > 0:09:36COUGHING Mr Barber cuts my hair.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Who cuts the...
0:09:38 > 0:09:44- Lawn!- Ah, lawn. Why, of course, it's...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- Sean.- Sean.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- The Prawn.- The Prawn.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Quack-quack, quack-quack!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Quack-quack, quack-quack!
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- NEV GIGGLES - Quack-quack?! What's that?
0:09:58 > 0:10:02There's no quacks in the script.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- Bear...- Oops.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Run!
0:10:07 > 0:10:12- Aa-aa-ah!- You blue...blue...furball!
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Ha-ha-ha! You beauty!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21What do you think of that, Squealers?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24- SQUEAKING - Yeah, up she goes.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28This jam and sock tower is built on very strong foundations.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Up! Up! Up!
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Woo-hoo!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35SQUEAKING
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Up and away! Heh-heh.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Strewth, it looks like the leaning jam and sock tower of Pisa up here.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Huh, better find more socks and build it up a bit.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Where are you, bear?!
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Oh... HE PANTS
0:10:56 > 0:10:59He sure is a fast runner.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02He needs to be. I'll deal with him later, no time now.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06I've only got an hour left before my big role.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Is it tea time already?
0:11:09 > 0:11:13No, not that sort of roll. My pantomime role.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17According to Sir Oliver,
0:11:17 > 0:11:22you have to get IN to the part.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Pretend it really exists.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Why don't you pretend to be a thief.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30I'll pretend to listen whilst I go get ice cream.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Perfect, yes!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35On you go... HE GRIMACES
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Old Angry Pants will have some socks I can borrow.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Blimey! What is he wearing?!
0:11:46 > 0:11:52Because I am the sneakiest thief...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55..they have ever met!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59I'm going to pinch everything they own,
0:11:59 > 0:12:06for none of those fools know that this is a brilliant disguise.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- HE CHORTLES - Oh, wackadoo!
0:12:10 > 0:12:15I am a master burglar at work.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19I need to tell Nev that Angry Pants is a real thief! Wackadoo!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Well, Bouncer Boy, what did you think of that?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Oh, ah...brilliant.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Let's hope my public agree.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Shall I get us some more ice cream?
0:12:35 > 0:12:40Ooh, I might try and sell some ice cream at the interval.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43Wobbly.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47# Do-da-roo-doo-da-roo-da-roo... #
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Nevvie!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50AA-AA-AA-AA-AA-AA-AARGH!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Can't scare me.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55It's Angry Pants. He's really a thief.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I heard him planning a B-I-I-I-G robbery.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00We need to phone the police.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03NEV GASPS AND PANTS
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Phone 999, Nevvie!
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Hello. It's me.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Quick, run, Angry Pants!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Hello, is that the police? - SQUEAKS FROM PHONE
0:13:16 > 0:13:21He's trying to say there's a thief on the loose. Name of Prank,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Mr Andy Prank... Spell it?
0:13:26 > 0:13:30That's it - 200 chocolate ice cream tubs ready to sell.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34And still ten minutes left for rehearsal, heh-heh.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38- Maybe you should get back into character, Uncle.- Good thinking.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I'm on the trail of the suspect, Sarge.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46I've got his description - short, bandy-legged male with bad skin,
0:13:46 > 0:13:50thinning hair, tiny piggy eyes that are too close together
0:13:50 > 0:13:53and a disguise that makes him look dead shifty.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58..Stealing the girl will make me the richest thief in the kingdom.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I'll call you back, Sarge.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Right, Prank, we know you're in there!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11What did you say?
0:14:11 > 0:14:15I said, come out with your hands up.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Well, no actually, I didn't say that but I am saying it now.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Em...who, more importantly, where are you?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I am here!
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I'm PC Morse. You are under arrest. Put your hands up.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I think there's been some sort of mistake.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Cool, a real policeman!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38SILENCE!
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- There's no mistake. We're acting on a tip off.- Oh, yes.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44You think I'm a thief, don't you?
0:14:44 > 0:14:49Well, I am... I can explain. Actually, I'm an actor.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53I'm in a pantomime at the moment.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Ooh, wobbly, wobbly, wobbly.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07If I don't get ready soon, there'll be no 40th thief for Ali Baba.
0:15:07 > 0:15:13Well, it does seem possible there may have been some mistake.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Oh, yes, there was, yeah.- Well,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I'll let you go this time, Mr Pants,
0:15:18 > 0:15:23eh, Prank, but I'll have my eye on you from now on.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Try to stay out of any more trouble.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- Can I take me hands down now?- YES!
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Oh...
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- I wonder who told on you, Unc? - CAT MEOWS
0:15:36 > 0:15:40I've got quite a good idea...
0:15:41 > 0:15:43SMASH!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- NEV SCREAMS - Can't scare me! Aa-aa-aah!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58NEV WAILS
0:16:08 > 0:16:10QUICK!
0:16:10 > 0:16:12HE CROAKS
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I think you've lost your voice, Uncle.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24"Find me a cure, fast."
0:16:26 > 0:16:28"You'll try anything."
0:16:28 > 0:16:30OK...
0:16:35 > 0:16:39Tee hee, I just called by to wish you luck in the panto today.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I hear you got the part.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46- I'm afraid there'll be no panto for Uncle... He's lost his voice.- Oh!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Oh, no, Mr P!
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Oh, I used to be a nurse.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55What you need is a throat gargle.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00GARGLING NOISES
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Mr Prank?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Oh, OK... Ready to go?
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Go, go.
0:17:08 > 0:17:15Yes. Yes, indeed, Mr Barney, sir.
0:17:20 > 0:17:26Now, is the winter of our discontent,
0:17:26 > 0:17:28made glorious summer
0:17:28 > 0:17:31by this son of York.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Oooh! Mr Prank!
0:17:36 > 0:17:39So, remember your lines?
0:17:39 > 0:17:40HE COUGHS
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Who cuts your hair? Ali of course.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Ali Who? Ali BARBER!
0:17:45 > 0:17:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Fantastic. Just fantastic.- Come on.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Come on, let's go.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00Oh, Mr Barney, sir, would you mind if I used the bathroom before we go?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Just in case I get caught short.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Uh-oh.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Oops.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- OK, sure.- Thank you, sir.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- Eh...- Grrrrrrr!
0:18:18 > 0:18:19CRASH!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21SHOUTING
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- HE GASPS - Oooh!
0:18:29 > 0:18:34- Uh-oh.- Wozzat?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Are you OK, Mr Prank?
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Mr Prank, who's that? What a stupid name.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Oh, no, he's got amnesia.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49What? No, he can't have. That's when you forget stuff, isn't it?
0:18:49 > 0:18:54What have I forgot? Who me? I haven't forgotten anything.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58No, no, Mr Prank, you're in a panto.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- Remember? You've got lines. - What panto?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06All right?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Lovely...
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Never mind.- That's the panto ruined.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Where will I find a thief for Ali Baba at this time?
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Is everything OK? I heard a terrible crash.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- Beetroot!- Beatrice, everything's fine. Hunky dory in fact.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Tell me, have you ever acted before?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:36 > 0:19:41# Doo-doo-doo, da-da-doo... # Here I am.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Oh! Oh, look, a beautiful princess.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49Visiting the sick. How charming.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Confused.
0:19:54 > 0:20:00Oh, and you bought me some flowers. What a lovely, kind gesture.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Are they daff...daff...?
0:20:05 > 0:20:06Aaa-aaa...
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Oh, no.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10..aa-choo-oooo!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Aa-aa-aa-aa-ah!
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I'll get you, bear!
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Yeah, the panto was a huge hit, mate. Beatrice?
0:20:19 > 0:20:24She was brilliant. No stage fright at all. The audience loved her.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Zippy-de-da!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- She's thinking of taking up acting. - No, no, she's not.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh, yes, she is.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32No, no, she's not.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33'Night, mate.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Night-night, Barney. Love you.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37I love you too.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39GROANING
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Who...who cuts your hair?
0:20:42 > 0:20:47Why...it's the barber.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- MUTTERING - Ouch.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54I know, poor old Mr Prank. I hope he feels better soon.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Me too.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58He'll not win any acting awards.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Who...does...my hair?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Ali Barber...
0:21:05 > 0:21:06MUTTERING CONTINUES
0:21:10 > 0:21:12It's behind you!