Frank Skinner - There's a Lion in My Cornflakes

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0:00:06 > 0:00:09Hello, I'm Frank.

0:00:09 > 0:00:13I love spending time with family and friends. Do you?

0:00:13 > 0:00:16Tonight's bedtime story is about Eric and Dan,

0:00:16 > 0:00:19who were waiting for a brand-new friend to arrive.

0:00:19 > 0:00:23It's called There's A Lion In My Cornflakes

0:00:23 > 0:00:26and it's by Michelle Robinson and Jim Field.

0:00:27 > 0:00:30If you ever see this on a packet of cornflakes,

0:00:30 > 0:00:34"Free lion. Just save 100 coupons,"

0:00:34 > 0:00:36ignore it.

0:00:36 > 0:00:38You should see what happened when we didn't.

0:00:38 > 0:00:42Me and my brother Dan made umpteen trips to the supermarket

0:00:42 > 0:00:47and spent a whole year's pocket money on cereal.

0:00:47 > 0:00:50It took us ages to cut out all the coupons.

0:00:50 > 0:00:55Mum was so mad, she made us eat cornflakes for breakfast,

0:00:55 > 0:00:59- lunch and tea. - THEY MUNCH

0:00:59 > 0:01:04She said we'd have nothing but cornflakes until they were all gone.

0:01:04 > 0:01:06That could take for ever.

0:01:06 > 0:01:09And she said, there'd be no more pocket money until

0:01:09 > 0:01:13we'd eaten up every last boring crunchy flake.

0:01:14 > 0:01:19But we didn't mind. We really wanted a free lion.

0:01:19 > 0:01:23We could take it for walks, ride it to school

0:01:23 > 0:01:25and use it to open tin cans.

0:01:27 > 0:01:33Mind you, it seems everyone else had the same idea. Poor postman.

0:01:33 > 0:01:37We waited and waited for our free lion to arrive,

0:01:37 > 0:01:39but there was no lion on Monday,

0:01:39 > 0:01:41or Tuesday,

0:01:41 > 0:01:42or Wednesday.

0:01:42 > 0:01:46- Thursday...no lion. - DOG WHINES

0:01:46 > 0:01:49Friday...no lion.

0:01:49 > 0:01:54Saturday...still no lion.

0:01:54 > 0:02:00Even worse, by the time Sunday came, everyone else had theirs.

0:02:00 > 0:02:03- How unfair is that? - LIONS ROAR

0:02:03 > 0:02:07Then, on Monday, a delivery truck arrived.

0:02:07 > 0:02:11Oh, we were so excited but...

0:02:11 > 0:02:13one, it wasn't a lion.

0:02:13 > 0:02:16Two, they sent it next door by mistake.

0:02:16 > 0:02:21And three, it went ballistic in Mr Harper's back yard.

0:02:21 > 0:02:25It wasn't our fault, but Mum went bonkers.

0:02:25 > 0:02:29She made us apologise to Mr Harper and tidy up. It was awful.

0:02:29 > 0:02:32We had a grizzly bear, a grumpy mum

0:02:32 > 0:02:36- and absolutely no free lion. - BEAR GRUNTS

0:02:36 > 0:02:42We wrote to the cereal people and complained. They wrote back...

0:02:42 > 0:02:44"Dear Eric and Dan...

0:02:44 > 0:02:48"Sorry about the grizzly bear but we ran out of Lions.

0:02:48 > 0:02:54"Please accept this crocodile instead. Yours sincerely, Mr Flaky.

0:02:54 > 0:02:58"PS - Handle with care."

0:02:58 > 0:03:01"A crocodile?" Dan said.

0:03:01 > 0:03:05"We didn't eat all those cornflakes for a cranky old crocodile."

0:03:05 > 0:03:08And guess what? The crocodile spent all its time

0:03:08 > 0:03:11in the bathroom so no-one else could get in.

0:03:11 > 0:03:13Dad went nuts.

0:03:13 > 0:03:17He made us scrub the bath while he telephoned the cereal people.

0:03:17 > 0:03:19"Sorry," they said.

0:03:19 > 0:03:22- "We'll sort it out straight away." - BEAR GRUNTS

0:03:22 > 0:03:25We asked for a lion, not a grizzly bear,

0:03:25 > 0:03:28not a bathroom-hogging crocodile

0:03:28 > 0:03:31and definitely not a whacking great gorilla.

0:03:31 > 0:03:34But that's exactly what we got.

0:03:34 > 0:03:37It took an immediate fancy to Dad's car.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40No-o-o!

0:03:40 > 0:03:42He was not impressed.

0:03:42 > 0:03:46"Right, that's it," he fumed, "everyone in.

0:03:46 > 0:03:51"I'm going to give those cereal people a piece of my mind."

0:03:51 > 0:03:55The serial people said sorry. Again.

0:03:55 > 0:03:57But they really had run out of lions.

0:03:57 > 0:04:01They said we could keep the whacking great gorilla,

0:04:01 > 0:04:04the bathroom-hogging crocodile and the very grizzly bear.

0:04:04 > 0:04:10And they also gave us a lifetime supply of cornflakes.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12Finally, Dad was happy.

0:04:12 > 0:04:16But Mum wasn't, and we certainly weren't.

0:04:16 > 0:04:19You can't take a packet of cornflakes for a walk.

0:04:20 > 0:04:24Cornflakes won't get you to school in style.

0:04:24 > 0:04:29Can cornflakes help you open a tin of tomatoes? Not on your nelly.

0:04:30 > 0:04:32- But hang on a minute... - TINS RATTLE

0:04:32 > 0:04:34Chomp!

0:04:34 > 0:04:39A crocodile is the meanest can-opening machine I've ever seen.

0:04:39 > 0:04:42A grizzly bear can walk for miles and miles...

0:04:42 > 0:04:44- and miles. - CHILDREN CHEER

0:04:44 > 0:04:48And there can't be a better way of arriving at school than this.

0:04:48 > 0:04:51GORILLA GRUNTS

0:04:51 > 0:04:56So don't ever bother saving up for a lion. It's not worth the trouble.

0:04:56 > 0:05:00And besides, everyone's got one.

0:05:00 > 0:05:02But a free tiger...

0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Just imagine. - TIGER GROWLS

0:05:07 > 0:05:11That great story was called There's A Lion In My Cornflakes.

0:05:11 > 0:05:13It seems like Eric and Dan

0:05:13 > 0:05:17are planning to save coupons for a tiger now.

0:05:17 > 0:05:20I think I'll just stick with my teddy instead.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26Is your teddy tired? I think it's time for you

0:05:26 > 0:05:29to take him to bed and get tucked up for the night.

0:05:29 > 0:05:33I'll see you again soon for another bedtime story.

0:05:35 > 0:05:38HE SNORES