0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision. #
0:00:19 > 0:00:22MUSIC: "Rule Britannia!"
0:00:33 > 0:00:34I feel silly.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Silly?! You're wearing the uniform of a Beefeater,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43Yeoman of the Guard? Defender of the Crown Jewels?
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- How do you feel silly?- My hat's too big.- You'll grow into it.
0:00:47 > 0:00:52- Where's your pike?- I parked it round the back.- Not your BIKE, your pike!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55- You know what that is?- An ugly fish with big teeth.- No!
0:00:55 > 0:01:00- It's a long stick with a point on the end!- I saw one of those inside.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Ah, well...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Right, then...
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Ow!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- You could have had my eye out! - It was an accident.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- Accident nothing! Here, you have that one.- All right.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19- Oooh!- Ha ha! Sorry, it was an accident(!) Right.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- I'll teach you the basic moves. You do everything I do.- Right.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Over the shoulder with the pike. Get my pike... Then...
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Was that six wahs or seven?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Hold that.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46PAUL LAUGHS
0:01:48 > 0:01:49BIRD CAWS
0:01:55 > 0:01:58BIRD CAWS AGAIN
0:01:58 > 0:02:02You're the one that did it! Come down and try that again!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05You disgusting little creature!
0:02:05 > 0:02:09- Oh, I didn't mean you, I meant that black pigeon.- Raven.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14- Yes, he is.- I don't recognise you two. New faces, eh?
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- No, we've always had these ones. - We're in a state of high alert.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- Daring Derek's around!- Around what? - He's a notorious robber,
0:02:22 > 0:02:28famed for his ridiculous disguises. He plans to steal the Crown Jewels.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- And you want us to guard them? - Now, there's a thought.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34You two guarding the Jewels!
0:02:34 > 0:02:37HE LAUGHS
0:02:39 > 0:02:45No. You two keep well clear of them. I want you to look after the ravens.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50You know they say when the last raven flies from the Tower walls,
0:02:50 > 0:02:53buildings tumble and the kingdom falls?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57If the ravens left, it would be disaster for Britain.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- We don't want that, do we? - No. Now, to your duties.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Dis-miss!
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Told you this hat was too big! - PAUL SIGHS
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Bird duty! I can't believe it.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17The Crown Jewels are at stake, and we're sent to the sidelines.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- You could help!- No time, I've more important things to do.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23I'm reading up on Daring Derek.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28- Hickory, Dickory... - Don't tell me, Dock?
0:03:28 > 0:03:29No, Fred.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- Incredible!- Not really.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- We've got an uncle called Fred. - No, Daring Derek!
0:03:35 > 0:03:39He started his criminal career at Buckingham Palace.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- Disguised as a constable, he stole a corgi!- No!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Then he went on to paintings.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Disguised himself as a corgi, and stole a Constable!
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- Let's check the Crown Jewels. - But Sergeant Harris said not to.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56- But he doesn't know what we're capable of.- I don't know.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Word gets round.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Magnificent, eh? That's the biggest diamond in the world.
0:04:08 > 0:04:13- It's called the Koh-I-Noor.- That's the curry house in the High Street!
0:04:13 > 0:04:18- Yes!- Fancy naming the world's biggest diamond after a curry house.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Yeah. Queen Victoria used to go there for a Balti.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Fancy her liking curry!
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Well, that's down to her Nan. Ha ha ha, her nan...!
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Let's check out the security.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Ah, yes, here it is! I recognise this.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- That's a type 2 Schless and Warner. - You're not gonna fiddle with it?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Course not!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50ALARM BELL RINGS
0:04:52 > 0:04:57- Stupid thing!- I'll get Sergeant Harris.- Tut, tut, tut, no.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- I've got my screwdriver. - But Sergeant Harris...
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- This is beyond his stupid brain. - Stupid brain?- Yes...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Heh heh heh... Just an expression...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- RINGING STOPS - What you gonna do with that?
0:05:16 > 0:05:21Suppertime, lads. Bit of best steak. I've cooked it as well!
0:05:23 > 0:05:27- Paul? One of these ravens has grown since lunchtime.- Has it really?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Hickory, Dickory, Fred...
0:05:33 > 0:05:34And Harry!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37And Ha... Paul! Guess what?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- He speaks!- It's a raven, not a parrot!
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Expert, is he? Hasn't he heard of Doctor Dolittle?
0:05:45 > 0:05:49It's me! I can understand him! I can talk to the animals!
0:05:55 > 0:06:00- Cor, he's a big 'un!- Told you!- I didn't think you meant that big!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- What should we do?- Anything he says!
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Some chips would be nice. - He said he'd like some chips.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- I'll put the pan on. - Oh, and maybe some ketchup.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Some tomato ketchup, as well.- Yeah, OK!
0:06:14 > 0:06:19- Nah, forget the ketchup, make it mayonnaise.- Mayonnaise it is.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24- Can you change the ketchup to mayonnaise?- I heard!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Just a minute... I heard...!
0:06:30 > 0:06:35It seems you're not the only one who's a Dolittle, Barry!
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- Huh! More like a do nothing! - Right, you...!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43He's not a raven at all! After him!
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Ooh!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51It's no good, he's flown away!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54That wasn't a raven! That was Daring Derek!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Never!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00BIRDS CAW
0:07:01 > 0:07:04FLUTTERING, BIRDS CAW
0:07:09 > 0:07:12"When the last raven flies from the Tower walls,
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- "buildings tumble and the kingdom falls."- Don't rub it in!
0:07:17 > 0:07:22- What's Sergeant Harris gonna do? - He doesn't have to know.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- Eh?- Pass me some straw.
0:07:26 > 0:07:33We'll leave these fake ravens here while we look for the real ones.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38- There - Hickory, pretty life-like, eh?- I don't believe it!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- It's not that bad! - How did the Crown Jewels get there?!
0:07:42 > 0:07:47Daring Derek must have put them there! Of course!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Remember when the alarm went off?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53He was robbing the jewels!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Then he must have brought them here and hidden them under the straw!
0:07:57 > 0:08:02- He'll have left fake ones!- Shall we tell the sergeant?- Yes. Erm...
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Not yet. We'll take them to the Jewel House first.
0:08:06 > 0:08:12- We don't want anything to happen to them.- Let's wash them first.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14There. Good as new.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17What do you think you're doing?!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20- Just trying it on.- Well, don't!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- TINKLING - What was that?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Oh, no! Not the Koh-i-Noor!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28GURGLING
0:08:35 > 0:08:40All is not lost. If I blow down this tube, the jewel will just pop up.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- It's all about succumbing to pressure.- I know the feeling!
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- What?- Nothing.- Get in position.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- HE BLOWS - Anything?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- GURGLING - Not yet.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59LOUD CREAKING
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Now?- No. Try harder.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08LOUD CREAKING
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Still nothing.- Right!
0:09:15 > 0:09:18HE BLOWS
0:09:18 > 0:09:22LOUD CREAKING
0:09:28 > 0:09:33Nope. It must have gone down the drain. We'll have to get these back.
0:09:33 > 0:09:38- Won't someone notice the biggest diamond in the world is gone?- Yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46There. Nobody'll know.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52OWL HOOTS
0:09:52 > 0:09:56FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:09:58 > 0:10:00I don't think we should be doing this.
0:10:00 > 0:10:06- Relax. It's our job to protect the Crown Jewels.- Of course.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11- Tut-tut-tut! The place is alarmed! - So am I!- No, burglar alarms.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Invisible beams protect the place.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16That's why I brought this - smoke.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25- Hey! That's very clever! - It is very clever. Come on.
0:10:25 > 0:10:31MISSION IMPOSSIBLE-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Oh! Ah, yes!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Obviously faked, this lot.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- Ah!- Paul?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47- What?- You know how it's burglar alarmed?- Yes.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51- Has it got smoke alarms as well? - Probably. Why?
0:10:53 > 0:10:54ALARM
0:10:54 > 0:10:55BOTH: Wa-aah!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- Hang on! What shall I do with these?- Get rid of them.- OK.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09SPLASH
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- That's the last we'll see of those. - Let's go.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13ALARM STOPS
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Must be Sergeant Harris. - We'll have to go to Plan B.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- What's that?- You keep him talking while I go home.- OK. ..Eh?!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Too late! Hide!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Well, what have we here?
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- Daring Derek, caught you at last. - No, you don't understand.
0:11:30 > 0:11:35You know, in a funny sort of a way, I've always admired you.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39Just a minute. Why's he Daring Derek? Why can't I be?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Because Daring Derek is as wily as a wolf.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Yeah, that's me.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- As cunning as a crocodile.- Mmm.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47And as nimble as...
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- An elephant?- An antelope.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54That's definitely me. Hey, Barry, I bet they make a film about me.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58- How dare you? You...imposter. - Who are you?
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Don't you recognise me? - Daring Derek!- The one and only.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Well, I never would have believed it.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10- That I was Daring Derek?- No, that they could catch you! Well done.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Have a medal.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15He stole the jewels and replaced them with fake ones.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19We found the real ones down in the Raven House.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- You think you've figured it out. Not quite.- What?
0:12:22 > 0:12:26You was right. I DID plan to swap the jewels...this afternoon.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31But just as I was about to,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34some idiot set the alarm off, and I had to get out,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36quick,
0:12:36 > 0:12:38taking the fake Jewels with me.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40..Without me screwdriver.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Then I went back to the Raven House, hid the Jewels,
0:12:44 > 0:12:47and concealed myself among the real ravens.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52See? The Jewels YOU found were the fake ones.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57They're the ones you've just swapped.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59No! It can't be!
0:13:00 > 0:13:03We've been looking for that!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05"Made in China."
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Derek's right!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10The Jewels ARE fake.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14So...what did you do with the REAL Crown Jewels?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Get rid of them!- OK!
0:13:18 > 0:13:19OWL HOOTS
0:13:19 > 0:13:20SPLASH!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23You threw the Crown Jewels in the river?!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25What are you going to do?
0:13:27 > 0:13:32In one day, we've lost the Crown Jewels, got rid of the Tower ravens,
0:13:32 > 0:13:36and brought about the end of the country as we know it.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- Look on the bright side. At least we've still got a job.- Oi! You two!
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Back to work!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47THEY CAW
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- Ooh! It's... - HE GETS TONGUE-TIED
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- That wasn't Daring Derek! - Wasn't it?- It was a raven.- Ah!
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- He said he wants some chips. - I'll go and put the kettle on...