0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is Dockbridge High - a school just like yours,
0:00:04 > 0:00:06a school like any other.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08A place where bright young minds are taught
0:00:08 > 0:00:11by some of the wisest, most respected members
0:00:11 > 0:00:13of the teaching profession.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Our cameras filmed for a year to find out
0:00:16 > 0:00:19what life is really like for the students and their teachers
0:00:19 > 0:00:21at this most ordinary of schools.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Class Dismissed.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29BELL RINGS
0:00:29 > 0:00:32It's the annual Shakespeare Day at Dockbridge High -
0:00:32 > 0:00:34an event that's thoroughly embraced
0:00:34 > 0:00:36by drama teacher Sir Stanley Bleacher
0:00:36 > 0:00:37come what may.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Hark! Hark!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Hark!
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Verily I say thrice,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47it is the lark herald of the Bard's morn.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50'Shakespeare Day -'
0:00:50 > 0:00:51I love it!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Of course, when you're an actor EVERY day is Shakespeare Day.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59You can't have too much of a good thing.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I particularly like
0:01:01 > 0:01:02March.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Friends, Romans, children.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11'Tis the Shakespeare masterclass
0:01:11 > 0:01:13where all your questions about Shakespeare
0:01:13 > 0:01:15will be answered.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Sir, I have a question.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Yes?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Harriet?- Why are you wearing a skirt and tights?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22LAUGHTER
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Pupils often say to me,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26"Sir Stanley, what is acting?"
0:01:29 > 0:01:31HE SOBS QUIETLY
0:01:33 > 0:01:35THAT'S acting.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37And for Shakespeare, you do it
0:01:37 > 0:01:39dressed like this.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43We shall commence with a scene from the Scottish play.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Macbeth?- Ah-da-da-da!
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Yes, that one. In the theatre, it's very bad luck
0:01:49 > 0:01:50- to say its name. - What, Macbeth?
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- Ah! - LAUGHTER
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Sir, you invite disaster.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57What about his other plays? Is it bad luck to say THEM?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Hamlet!- Romeo And Juliet!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- King Lear!- Harry Potter!
0:02:02 > 0:02:03No, no, no, no, no, no.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Only Macbeth.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Aah! - LAUGHTER
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Sir, nothing's happening to you.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10So it isn't.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Oh, my goodness!
0:02:13 > 0:02:16All of a sudden I feel free!
0:02:16 > 0:02:17LAUGHTER
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Macbeth.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Macbeth.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Ha! Macbeth!
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Oh!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- HE SHOUTS IN THE DISTANCE:- Macbeth!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- ALL:- Macbeth!- Macbeth! - Macbeth!- Macbeth! Macbeth!
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Meanwhile, in another part of the school,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33something extraordinary is about to happen.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Time to make another batch of my aftershave.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Now, where's the ammonia?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42MUSIC: I'm Kissing You by Des'ree
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Who's there?
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Sorry, Mr Nasal, I didn't realise you were in here.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50I'm Miss Spray.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54She speaks!
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Miss Spray?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58The new lab technician.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Miss Spray.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Mr Nasal?
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Miss Spray!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Mr Nasal!
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Do you er...come here often?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08SHE GIGGLES
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Yes. Before every lesson!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- Perhaps I'll see you again then. - Oh, perhaps.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16# I'm...
0:03:17 > 0:03:21# I'm kissing... #
0:03:21 > 0:03:23BELL RINGS
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Oh. I-I should be going.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26- Goodbye. - Yeah, OK, I...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Parting is such sweet sorrow.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38HE MOANS
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I think Mr Nasal and Miss Spray fancy each other.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Love is blind.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58English teacher Mr Capp wants to be on the same level
0:03:58 > 0:03:59as his students.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03So today, they've all got to sit on top of their desks.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06OK, kids, here's the 411.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Today is Shakespeare Day,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11and we is gonna be studying Shakespeare.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Mr Capp?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Nicknames only.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16OK. Um..
0:04:16 > 0:04:18The Capp-meister?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Can I answer your question about something I read in Hamlet?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, T-Dog.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25We don't learn about Hamlet by reading Hamlet,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28we learn about Hamlet by...
0:04:28 > 0:04:30..being Hamlet.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32So - what do we know about Hamlet?
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Well, he was a procrastinator who pretended he was mad
0:04:36 > 0:04:39in order to seek revenge for his murdered father,
0:04:39 > 0:04:40and he loved
0:04:40 > 0:04:42- BMX-ing. - GROANING
0:04:42 > 0:04:44So, the best way for me to teach you about Hamlet
0:04:44 > 0:04:47is by popping a sweet wheelie over my desk.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49What's that got to do with it?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51The bike, yeah, represents Hamlet's father, yeah?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I'm Hamlet. The desk represents all the obstacles in my way.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58And, as Shakespeare wrote,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01"Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife,
0:05:01 > 0:05:03"and I will have my vengeance."
0:05:03 > 0:05:05That's Gladiator, sir.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I don't think you should do this, Mr Capp...
0:05:08 > 0:05:09- ..meister.- Hey, chillax!
0:05:09 > 0:05:13To BMX or not to BMX? That is the question.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15And the answer is yes!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- CRASH ALL:- Ooh!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Are you all right, sir?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Banter!
0:05:25 > 0:05:26I told him not to do it.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35In the playground, the pupils are about to prank Mr Nasal.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Dear Mr Nasal...
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Ever since we met in the prep room this morning...
0:05:42 > 0:05:44I can't stop thinking about you!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49If you fancy me too, give me a sign.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Wear these yellow socks...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55All afternoon.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58All my love,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Miss Spray.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- Right, now do lots of love hearts... - Yeah.- ..all over it.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04All of that next to Miss Spray.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12And so to Maths, where Mr Konnundrum is taking the class
0:06:12 > 0:06:15through another entirely hypothetical problem.
0:06:15 > 0:06:21So, if a man is suffering from particularly volatile diarrhoea...
0:06:23 > 0:06:26..and he needs to take his medication every four hours.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32If he takes his first dose at 7:30am...
0:06:35 > 0:06:39..what time should he take the second dose in order to avoid
0:06:39 > 0:06:41future volatile diarrhoea?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- Yes, Tahj? - 11:30am, sir.- Hmm.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Oh.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- It's 11:50. - HIS STOMACH RUMBLES
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Oh!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- ALL:- Urgh... - LAUGHTER
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Quiet READING!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- HIS STOMACH RUMBLES - Oh!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- ALL:- Urgh!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Oh! Ooh!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05BELL RINGS
0:07:05 > 0:07:09As Mr Konnundrum narrowly avoids becoming a laughing stock,
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Mr Nasal is about to be hoodwinked.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24"Dear Mr Nasal, ever since..."
0:07:24 > 0:07:26HE READS
0:07:26 > 0:07:27"..yellow socks."
0:07:27 > 0:07:29HE GASPS
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Miss Spray!
0:07:32 > 0:07:33HE SIGHS
0:07:35 > 0:07:38In the spirit of Shakespeare Day, history teacher Mrs Beddows
0:07:38 > 0:07:42has turned her classroom into an Elizabethan tavern.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Prithee, masters and mistresses,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49welcome to Ye Olde Historical Tavern.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- This place stinks, Miss. - Aye, my lady.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55The floor is made of cow dung.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- ALL:- Ew!
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Everything in this tavern is exactly as it would have been
0:08:01 > 0:08:04in Shakespeare's day.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Even me! I'm wearing woollen knickers,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09and...I've got fleas!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- ALL:- Ew!- Rank!
0:08:11 > 0:08:14In 1564
0:08:14 > 0:08:17was born the playwright we all adore.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18That rhymes, miss.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Yes, Billy. Because in ye olde days
0:08:21 > 0:08:23that's how everyone spoke,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26and rhyming is an excellent way to learn.
0:08:26 > 0:08:32Now - who can tell me when Shakespeare died?
0:08:32 > 0:08:331616?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Rhyming, please, Gabriella.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38In 1616,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41William Shakespeare... left the scene.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Excellent!
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Who can tell me who was on the throne at that time?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51When Shakespeare died the king was...
0:08:51 > 0:08:53A rat!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56A rat! The king was a rat? That doesn't even rhyme!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- No, miss - I just saw a rat. - Oh, good!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I let five of them out in here this morning...
0:09:02 > 0:09:03THEY GASP
0:09:03 > 0:09:05- ..and I haven't seen one since! - SCREAMING
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Unaware of any foul play, Mr Nasal is preparing for the next time
0:09:15 > 0:09:17he sees Miss Spray.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18"Hello, Miss Spray..."
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Oh.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22"Miss Spray...
0:09:22 > 0:09:23"Hello!"
0:09:24 > 0:09:26HE SIGHS
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Ah...
0:09:27 > 0:09:29"Oh. Miss Spray!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31"Do you like my...yellow socks?"
0:09:33 > 0:09:36It's lunchtime, and despite the tempting offer of
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Mrs Tucker's Shakespearean offal pie,
0:09:38 > 0:09:41most people are going for mash.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Offal pie? - Mash, please.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Offal pie?
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Yes.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Meanwhile, Tahj has hurt himself playing football,
0:09:51 > 0:09:54so he's off to see school nurse Mr Hart.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Luckily, it's just a graze.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57All right, sir?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Have you got a plaster for this?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Sure thing, little buddy! Let's take a look at you.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- HE GASPS - Prep the ER!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11SIREN BLARES
0:10:11 > 0:10:13It's just a graze, sir.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15It's worse than I thought! Get me the crash team!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I need five bags of O negative, stat!
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Sir, just a plaster's fine.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- He's delusional!- I just need a...
0:10:20 > 0:10:21We're losing him!
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Where's that crash team?!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Looks like you're on your own, Hart.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34BELL RINGS
0:10:35 > 0:10:38It's the afternoon and in Food Technology,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Miss Davis has decided it's high time that Year Eight
0:10:41 > 0:10:43learned to make bread.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Right, class, your dough should have risen by now.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Take it out and...
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- SHE FARTS LOUDLY - ..pop it on the table!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Mine's a belter!
0:10:52 > 0:10:53SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Now, you need to get all the air out of it.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Really squeeze it out.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Give it a good pump!
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- SHE FARTS LOUDLY - Come on, everyone!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- SHE FARTS LOUDLY THREE TIMES - Pump, pump, pump!
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Is this actually happening?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Not like that, Emily. With gusto!
0:11:10 > 0:11:13You need to throw caution
0:11:13 > 0:11:14- to the wind! - SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:11:14 > 0:11:15- Let rip... - SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:11:15 > 0:11:17..and force the air out it.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Yeah. It's actually happening. - SHE FARTS LOUDLY
0:11:21 > 0:11:24As that lesson ends, no-one is too surprised
0:11:24 > 0:11:25when another begins,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28but the end of the day is in sight.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32In Textiles, Miss Dior Durant has her own distinctive style
0:11:32 > 0:11:34of encouraging students.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Hello! Good time of day, blah, blah, blah.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Question!
0:11:38 > 0:11:41What is name of place men take bins?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44A rubbish tip, miss?
0:11:44 > 0:11:45A tip! Ha-ha! Funny!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48That what you look like, Year Eight -
0:11:48 > 0:11:49a tip!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You chew gums?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54You should chew gums, it's cool!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Now, this is globally unacceptable.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Anyone tell me what is wrong with uniform?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Oh, er, the top button's undone, miss.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Her tie isn't straight, Miss. - No, no, no, no, no!
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Move, move, move!
0:12:08 > 0:12:10It is so last season.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Who even wears uniform any more?
0:12:13 > 0:12:14And no hat!
0:12:14 > 0:12:18You look like Taylor Swift riding dolphin from volcano!
0:12:18 > 0:12:19LAUGHTER
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Come on, come on, come on. You need serious, serious helps!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Und...
0:12:30 > 0:12:32voila!
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Hat!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I buy from man in forest.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Donkey hat number one in fashion charts!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Excellent modelling!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- CHEERING - Excellent!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48APPLAUSE
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Unaware that he is on a wild-goose chase,
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Mr Nasal is trying to woo Miss Spray.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Miss Spray, Miss Spray!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Do you like my outfit?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Your outfit? Well, er, I...
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Remember? You commended my yellow socks
0:13:07 > 0:13:11and wished to see me in them all afternoon!
0:13:11 > 0:13:15I'm sorry, Mr Nasal, I don't know what you're talking about.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16I don't even like yellow.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19BELL RINGS
0:13:19 > 0:13:20See you tomorrow.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Another successful Shakespeare Day has vanished into thin air,
0:13:32 > 0:13:35and Sir Stanley Bleacher is a bit sad it's over.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Oh! Oh!
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Oh!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Oh, you are men of stone!
0:13:44 > 0:13:48All's cheerless, dark and deadly!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Others are quite pleased to say good riddance
0:13:51 > 0:13:54to Shakespeare Day, and send it packing.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Honestly, it doesn't look that bad.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00It's not been a great day for Mr Weed...
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Sir?- ..who's in a pickle.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Sir, you can't see the way, give me your arm.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I'll lead you, where do you want to go?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Knowest the way to Dover?
0:14:11 > 0:14:15And Mr Hart has grave concerns for an old friend.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19No signs of life! He's dead as a doornail!
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Aah!
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Oh, well.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23All's well that ends well.