0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is Dockbridge High - a school just like yours,
0:00:04 > 0:00:06a school like any other.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,
0:00:10 > 0:00:13most respected members of the teaching profession.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Our cameras filmed for a year to find out what life is really like
0:00:17 > 0:00:21for the students and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Class Dismissed.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29BELL RINGS Morning.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Everyone who walks through the doors of Dockbridge High
0:00:33 > 0:00:35is energised and raring to go.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Well, nearly everyone.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40HE SNORES
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Why do we have to start so early?
0:00:43 > 0:00:46In food technology, Miss Davis has a new initiative
0:00:46 > 0:00:49to help kick-start the pupils' day.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51OK, children.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Welcome to the very first Dockbridge High breakfast club.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Without wanting to blow my own trumpet...
0:00:58 > 0:01:00- SHE FARTS - ..or toot my own horn...
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- SHE FARTS - ..I really think
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- I've come up trumps. - SHE FARTS
0:01:04 > 0:01:05This breakfast club idea
0:01:05 > 0:01:08is going to be a real breath of fresh air around here.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- SHE FARTS - Don't you think, Emily?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Actually, miss, I'm feeling a bit ill.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15In that case, you need something to settle your stomach.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17- SHE FARTS - Eggs.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20I always start the day with eggs.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- Well, that explains a lot. - Then a shot of cabbage juice.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- SHE FARTS - And a lovely glass of cold milk.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Ooh. Can you smell that, everyone?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Ooh, I think the milk is off. Eugh! Pew-whee!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38SHE FARTS
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- Unbelievable. - STUDENTS COUGH AND GROAN
0:01:41 > 0:01:44That's not a pleasant way to start the day.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46BELL RINGS
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Having recovered from breakfast club,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52year eight are being subjected to the subject of English
0:01:52 > 0:01:54with Mr Capp.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Hashtag Shakespeare!
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Cool. Cool. Well, today we're going to be eyeballing Macbeth.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01I know you're going to be proper vexed.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04You're going to be like, "Shakespeare? Ridonk!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- "That's well boring," right? - No, Mr Capp.- Hey!
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- What have I told you about calling me Mr Capp?- Sorry.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12The Cappmeister.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14That's rad, T-dog.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Please don't call me T-dog.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Cool. Cool. All right, well, let's get back to chatting Macbeth.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24MB! Mackie B!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Oh! We're going to make this really boss.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Take off your ties.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Put them round your heads. Come on!
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Take off your ties, put them around your heads.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That's already very boss.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Very boss?- Who even says that.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43IMITATES ELECTRIC GUITAR
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Banter.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Having read Hamlet like a boss,
0:02:57 > 0:03:01year eight has now moved its attentions to art.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Today's lesson is focused on pottery.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Oh, Emily! Lovely vase.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Wonderful.- Thanks, miss.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Fabulous. Are you going to add anything else?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15No, it's fi...
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- Done.- You mean it's finished?
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Finished?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Is it? Yes.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Or is it?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Yes. No. No, it isn't.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I wonder, does it need...
0:03:30 > 0:03:34No, miss. It's...complete.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Finished.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Finished. Yes. - SHE CHUCKLES
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Of course. How silly of me.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45No, it's still not quite right. Don't worry.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I've got just the solution.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Stand back everyone.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Artist. And work.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56..building it heavily. You build!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Mould it! You've only got to get one...
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Really, really mould it!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Emily, just a few tweaks...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06A little tweak. Oh.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Ah!
0:04:08 > 0:04:12There. Very creative.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15It's in my hair, miss.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Class dismissed.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Yes.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24This school gets weirder every day.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Billy has a slight headache and a great excuse for missing PE,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33so he's off to see Mr Hart, the school nurse,
0:04:33 > 0:04:35to make it official.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Being a medic at Dockbridge High is easy compared to my last job.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44I saw some terrible things. Chaos, destruction.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46The terrible, terrible screaming.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50I will never work in a kindergarten again.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Come in! - MACHINES BEEP
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Ah. What seems to be the problem, scout?
0:04:56 > 0:05:00I've got a headache. Are you doing an operation?
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Oh! Sure am.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03What's wrong with him?
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- Paper cut.- What?- I'm not going to lie to you, kid. It's serious.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11- He took a sheet of A4 to the thumb. I had to go in.- Into his thumb?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Into everywhere, just to be sure.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Anyway, about this headache...
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Actually, uh, it feels a lot better now. Got to go!
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Where was I?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I'm never bunking off again.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Don't worry, Mrs Smith. You'll be OK in a week.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37BEEPING INTENSIFIES
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Lunchtime, but rather than going to the canteen,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Mrs Crampon has gone fishing.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Hi, miss. Want some quiche?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Thanks but no thanks, lovey.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51This old girl is catching her own lunch today.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Gotcha!
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Oi!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Ooh!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Look at the size of her.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Over in the canteen,
0:06:03 > 0:06:07dinner lady Mrs Tucker is about to give Tahj his just desserts.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Hey, you inquired about the availability
0:06:11 > 0:06:13of a certain dessert, am I right?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Apple crumble? Yes, but they said they'd run out.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Shh. Listen...
0:06:20 > 0:06:24I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy,
0:06:24 > 0:06:25if you know what I mean.
0:06:25 > 0:06:31- No.- I'm saying I have obtained the merchandise.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34So, there is some left?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Only I've got sticky toffee pudding.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Don't try and back out now. Put the pudding in the bag.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- What?- Quick! They'll be onto us.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44All right. Fine.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48We never met.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11In the deputy head's office
0:07:11 > 0:07:14there's some disagreement about the afternoon's activities.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16This is your deputy head speaking.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Could all pupils doing their cycling proficiency
0:07:19 > 0:07:22please make their way to the playground?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24No, this is your deputy head speaking.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25To the sports field, cyclists.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- Playground.- Sports field.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Playground!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Sports field!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- Playground!- Sports field!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Playground!- Sports field!
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Playground!
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Cycling proficiency is inexplicably overseen
0:07:45 > 0:07:49by inexplicably employed trainee teacher Miss Pinkham.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52OK, so, we're here to learn to ride safely.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Serious face.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59But let me start by saying I love, love, love your ponies!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03This one's adorbs! Hello, little horsey.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Would you like a sugar lump?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Oh, and look at this one.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Ooh, great fetlocks. Part Arabian?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Cressey Dixon would be just green.
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Anyway, the totes most important thing about riding safely
0:08:20 > 0:08:23is to wear the correct headgear.
0:08:23 > 0:08:29Anything too feathered is tacky, and family jewellery only, please.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32New jewels are totes vulgar. Blah-blah.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Cool!
0:08:33 > 0:08:37So, let's mount up. Magda will show you how.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Go, go, Magda.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49SHE LAUGHS
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Oh, this is too funny.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Oh, mega lolz!
0:08:57 > 0:09:01I'm most defs posting these.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Thank you, darling. Tweet-tweet. Tweet-tweet, Magda.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Oh, cool. Cool.
0:09:08 > 0:09:14So, now you know how to ride safely, you can play polo,
0:09:14 > 0:09:18and I'll sit in the marquee and watch, so mount up.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20That's it.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Give your horsey a sugar lump and tally-ho!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Oh. YOLO.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Ah!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Go, go, Magda. That's it. Whoop-whoop!
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Go, go, go.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36After an exhausting game of bike polo,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Team Thrust settle down to the serious business
0:09:39 > 0:09:41of business with Mr Windlow.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Good afternoon, everyone.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- ALL:- Good afternoon, Lord Windlow.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Sir is fine.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Right, Team Thrust, you were divided into two groups.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- Jasmine, you were team leader for the girls.- Yep.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Good team leader?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Sounds promising(!)
0:09:58 > 0:10:02You were asked to make money by baking and selling cupcakes.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Emily and Martine were my eyes and ears.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Emily, how did the girls get on?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Not well, sir.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Jasmine, what went wrong?
0:10:12 > 0:10:16The food tech kitchen was busy so we had to buy the cakes instead.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Then Katie dropped them down the stairs.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Unbelievable. What did you do next?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25We put all the squashed cakes into a box, called them flapjacks
0:10:25 > 0:10:26and sold them for a quid.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Like it. Initiative.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31The wheels on the car of business.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Emily, what was their profit?
0:10:33 > 0:10:341p.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Boys, Tahj - good team leader?
0:10:40 > 0:10:41- ALL:- Yeah.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- So, what did you do?- I split the team into nine subgroups.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46There are only four of you.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50Each team drew up a strengths and weaknesses PowerPoint presentation.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Sounds a bit over-the-top.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Then all nine subgroups went paintballing
0:10:53 > 0:10:54as part of a team bonding weekend.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I was there. They did do that. I thrashed them.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Talk is cheap and time is money. How many cakes did you sell?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Um, none.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06We ran out of time.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Muppets.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12Which means with 1p profit, the girls are the winners.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Hand it over.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Boys, take yourselves off
0:11:21 > 0:11:24and decide who is responsible for this mess,
0:11:24 > 0:11:28because one of you is going to be leaving the process.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36It's no use just knowing the theory. They've got to put it into practice.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39I know all the words to Shake It Off.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Don't make me Taylor Swift.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43BELL RINGS It's the end of the day,
0:11:43 > 0:11:46but the five-a-side football team have been called to the locker room
0:11:46 > 0:11:49for a special unveiling of the latest sports kit,
0:11:49 > 0:11:51as designed by Miss Dior-Durant.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- IN FOREIGN ACCENT:- OK, ballers.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Team uniform is mortally important.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01No-one cares if you're good player or bad player.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04They only care what you wear.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Bad fashions get you laughed off the catwalk.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09You mean pitch.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15So, I spy on opposing team.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Want to know inside information of how they will play?
0:12:18 > 0:12:23- Yeah! - They will play...in stripes!
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Ha!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25So unfashion!
0:12:25 > 0:12:29They're too ashamed too even come on to the catwalk.
0:12:29 > 0:12:36- Pitch. - So, I now unveil the new season kit.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I am NOT wearing that.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Beckham is so jealous. I said, "David, it's not for you."
0:12:44 > 0:12:46He cry.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49So, you need to keep tight at the back.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Finally, some tactics.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53With this zip.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59OK, kick off in half an hour. Come on, everybody.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Let's go.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06OK, let's do this. Let's go out there.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Stick together, work as a team and we'll get this done.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- Ready?- OTHERS:- Ready.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- Yeah! - THEY ALL CHEER
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Let's go!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Hey! Where you going?
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Come back!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Don't believe the haters, darlings.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28As the five-a-side football team makes a swift exit,
0:13:28 > 0:13:30everyone else heads home too.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Flapjack, anyone? Five quid.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Mint condition. I give you my personal guarantee.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Oh.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Flapjacks. Like it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Well, nearly everyone.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50HE SNORES
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Night, all!
0:13:54 > 0:13:58# You shook me all night long
0:14:00 > 0:14:05# Yeah, you shook me all night long
0:14:08 > 0:14:10# Working double time
0:14:10 > 0:14:12# On the seduction line
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- # She was one of... # - BELL RINGS