0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is Dockbridge High - a school just like yours,
0:00:04 > 0:00:06a school like any other.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,
0:00:10 > 0:00:14most respected members of the teaching profession.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Our cameras returned for another year
0:00:16 > 0:00:17to find out what life is really like
0:00:17 > 0:00:21for the students and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Class Dismissed.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:00:30 > 0:00:33It's a brand-new year at Dockbridge High and Emily, Jasmine,
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Tahj and Billy are keen to start Year 9...
0:00:36 > 0:00:38It's good to be back.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Morning, sir.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43..while Mark is keen to end the rumour that his mum is a teacher.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47I don't even know why everyone keeps saying she's my mum.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Marky!
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Mark!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Have a good first day.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54THEY LAUGH
0:00:54 > 0:00:56She's not my mum.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Your mum's a teacher. - You're a teacher.- No, I'm not.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- What you teaching me for?- I'm not teaching you.- Stop teaching me.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Newly qualified teacher Miss Kinder is ready for anything,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10except being mistaken for a pupil.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11New kid!
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Bit nervous, but I just have to remember my training - keep calm,
0:01:16 > 0:01:19keep control and, if all else fails,
0:01:19 > 0:01:20break them!
0:01:20 > 0:01:21SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Oi, it's the new kid.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Good morning. I am Miss Kinder.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32I'm Billy. But we usually call each other by our first names.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I'm not a child, I'm a teacher.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I am. Now, sit down, please.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Are you sure you're a teacher?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Yes.- Are you sure you're a pupil?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Yeah.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46She's tiny!
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Quiet.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Quiet!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51QUIET!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- Prepare to be taught! - New kid is angry.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56No talking in class.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58No back-chatting.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59No horseplay.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Only speak when you're spoken to.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03What's all this noise? Where is your teacher?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- I'm the teacher! - Get down now, child.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10Honestly, I'm the teacher.
0:02:12 > 0:02:18- Sorry.- Impersonating a teacher - one of the gravest of all school crimes.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20You're in a lot of trouble, young lady.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22But I really am the teacher.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25I was just trying to break them like they taught me at teacher training.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26My office, now!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- But...- Now!
0:02:28 > 0:02:29But...
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You will regret this, Year 9.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35You mark my words, you will regret this!
0:02:37 > 0:02:38That kid's weird.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44The Year 7s are on an extensive tour of their new school
0:02:44 > 0:02:46with office manager Miss Clover.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Sorry about this, Year 7, I had the map upside down.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52But we're on our way now.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- Some tour!- Now, this area is known as the corridor.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59And if you take a look to your left and up, that's the stairwell.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01We call it the stairwell.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Where's our classroom, Miss?
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Where's the canteen, Miss?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Aren't we going to be late for our lessons, Miss?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07We haven't finished the tour yet, Molly.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Now, this is the fire exit.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- We call it...- The fire exit.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Have you been here before?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Come on.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21As the Year 7s visit the second-floor corridor yet again...
0:03:21 > 0:03:23SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:03:23 > 0:03:25..Mark is catching up with his mates.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27You have not got a girlfriend.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28- Have.- Haven't.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Have.- You've got a girlfriend like Mrs Mark's not your mum.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Oh, she's not my mum!
0:03:33 > 0:03:34And I have got a girlfriend.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- She's in Year 12.- You're not going out with someone in Year 12.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Am too.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Here she comes.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Her name's Marcella.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50We met at the ice rink. I did a 360 on my head
0:03:50 > 0:03:52and she said it was the best thing she'd ever seen.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- Prove it.- Yeah.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- Why don't you go talk to her?- Fine.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57I will.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- I can't watch.- I can.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Hi, babe.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06It's me.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Mark. Remember?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- From the ice rink.- Who?
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Year 9 are settling in for another year of dubious English lessons
0:04:23 > 0:04:25with Mr Capp.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29Bringing classic texts to a modern audience - squad goals!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30You get me?
0:04:30 > 0:04:31We don't get him.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Right.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Today we are going to be looking at one of the all-time greats -
0:04:38 > 0:04:41medieval poet, big Geoff Chaucer.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Yeah! We're going to boxset-binge on the Banter-bury Tales!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Holla! Say what?!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50What is this ancient dude from ye olden times got to do with us,
0:04:50 > 0:04:52the yout'? Well,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I'll show you by playing a rad track I downloaded from the clouds,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58and apped to my i-wi.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- You're going to love this. - Pretty sure we won't.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02PHONE PLAYS GOLD DIGGER BY KANYE WEST
0:05:02 > 0:05:05What's this? Chaucer's The Wife Of Bath meets Kanye?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- # She gives me money... # - Mash up central!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Now, I ain't saying she's a gold digger,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13but she been messing with five husbands, yeah.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Now, I ain't saying she's a gold digger,
0:05:15 > 0:05:17but she been messing with five husbands, yeah.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Get down, Wife Of Bath, break it down.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21To the W-I-F-E.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24She's a wife, of Bath, but she hasn't got a bath.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26HIS PHONE STARTS PLAYING BARBIE GIRL BY AQUA
0:05:26 > 0:05:28CLASS LAUGH
0:05:28 > 0:05:32That's not mine! I downloaded it for a friend!
0:05:32 > 0:05:33It's on shuffle.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35PHONE PLAYS CRAZY FROG BY AXEL F
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Nice tune, sir. - CLASS LAUGH
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Banter.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Banter!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:05:44 > 0:05:49Lunchtime, and Mrs Mark is receiving some unsettling news.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Mark's got a girlfriend?
0:05:51 > 0:05:52My Mark?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54SHE LAUGHS
0:05:56 > 0:05:57Excuse me one moment.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Marky!
0:06:05 > 0:06:06- Ow!- Sorry.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Give it up, Mark. She doesn't even know you're alive.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12She's... She's my girlfriend, man.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Why don't anyone believe me?
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Cos it's totally unbelievable.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Fine, I'll get her to tell you herself.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- What, now?- Now.- Now.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21MARK HUFFS
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Hi, babe.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Literally, what do you want?
0:06:28 > 0:06:29- MARK'S MUM:- Marky!
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Marky!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Oh, and who's this?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Apparently she's his girlfriend.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38I'm literally not.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39You are not!
0:06:39 > 0:06:42And literally what's it got to do with you anyway?
0:06:42 > 0:06:43I'm Mark's mum.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Oh, my goodness - your mum's literally a teacher!
0:06:46 > 0:06:47THEY LAUGH AND STOP ABRUPTLY
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- She's not my mum.- She is your mum.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- You're a mum.- That's right.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Mark's my son.- Shut up, Mum. I mean...Miss.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- She's not my mum.- And who are you?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- That's my girlfriend. - She is not your girlfriend!
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I'm literally not your girlfriend.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08Come along, Marky. I don't want you hanging around with nasty girls.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12She's not my mum, honest!
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- HIS MUM SHOUTS:- Mark! - MARK SIGHS
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Amazing.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Having spent the morning in detention
0:07:24 > 0:07:25for "impersonating a teacher",
0:07:25 > 0:07:29real-life teacher Miss Kinder is heading to the staff room for lunch.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- DANCE MUSIC COMES FROM INSIDE - ID. Sorry?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33You will be. How old are you?
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- 25.- Oh, a smart aleck!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39No, a teacher.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Ha-ha-ha-ha! Come on, sunshine.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45I wasn't born yesterday, although it looks like you were.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Let me in! I'm a teacher!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52We're having a bit of trouble out the front, sir,
0:07:52 > 0:07:53if you wouldn't mind joining us?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- You, again!- Oh, hello, Mr Potter.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01I was just about to go into the staff room.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Impersonating a teacher again?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Outrageous! My office, now!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I have a right to go into the staff room! I am a teacher!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11DANCE MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY AND STAFF SCREAM
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- DOG BARKS - A student!- I'm a teacher! No, wait!
0:08:14 > 0:08:16DANCE MUSIC STARTS UP AGAIN AND STAFF CHEER
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Right, you leave me no choice.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I'm going to have to call your parents.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Come on, sunshine.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I'm a teacher!
0:08:24 > 0:08:26SHE CONTINUES TO SCREECH
0:08:26 > 0:08:28In the science prep room,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Mr Nasal and Miss Spray are preparing to spend
0:08:31 > 0:08:34their first afternoon apart since the summer holidays.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I'll miss you today, Miss Spray.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I'll miss you too, Mr Nasal.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Yes, Miss Spray and I are officially a couple.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45But we're keeping things professional at work -
0:08:45 > 0:08:47we wouldn't want the children to find out.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51So, open up your textbooks, please, Year 9.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55- HE GASPS - Miss Spray!
0:08:55 > 0:08:59I mean, erm, look, Year 9, it's Miss Spray, the lab technician,
0:08:59 > 0:09:01who I know on a professional basis.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Hello, Mr Nasal. - THE CLASS GIGGLES
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Could I just borrow some methane, Mr Nasal?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I've completely run out.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Oh, yeah, of course, Miss Spray.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11I'll help you carry it.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13THE CLASS TITTERS
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Miss you, Mr Nasal.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Miss you too, Miss Spray.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21So, where were we?
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Bacteria, blah, blah, blah...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Any questions?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- Are you and Miss Spray going out? - Any questions about bacteria?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Are you, though? - Don't be ridiculous!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Of course not. No, no, I'm a science professional -
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I don't have time for relationships.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Miss Spray!- Hello, Mr Nasal.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Could I borrow your skeleton?
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Of course you can.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Aw, they're in love!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56It makes him seem a bit less gross.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58HE SNEEZES AND THE CLASS GASP
0:10:02 > 0:10:04SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:10:04 > 0:10:08In Year 9, mature behaviour is expected at all times.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Unfortunately, no-one told the teacher.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14TEACHER GIGGLES
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Hello, everybody. - ALL: Hi, Miss.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Hello. I'm Miss Fun-With-Numbers.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21What's your name?
0:10:21 > 0:10:22ALL SHOUT OUT THEIR NAMES
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I can't hear you.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- THEY SHOUT NAMES LOUDER - Well done.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30That was brilliant.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32But look at the time!
0:10:32 > 0:10:36It's time to start learning.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Do you know what learning is?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Erm... Yeah, we all do.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Learning is when we hear new things
0:10:43 > 0:10:45and try to remember them in our heads.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Can everyone point to their heads?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51# Head, shoulders, knees and toes
0:10:51 > 0:10:53# Knees and toes. #
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Phew! That was fun.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Can we learn something that will help us pass our SATS, please, Miss?
0:10:58 > 0:10:59I'm a rabbit!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Do you all want to be rabbits, too?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Miss, seriously, can we look at the curriculum?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I can't answer you, silly!
0:11:08 > 0:11:11I'm a rabbit and rabbits can't talk.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15But they can send little girls to isolation.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Off you go.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Hoppity hop!
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Worst lesson ever.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29We didn't even learn anything.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Yeah, we did - where our heads are, rabbits can't talk...
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Honestly, this guy.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38In the isolation room, Emily is getting on with some work.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40But she's not alone.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Do you want a lollipop?- No, thanks.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47Tammy has been in isolation since a particularly bad case
0:11:47 > 0:11:50of talking back, in 1989.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52It's OK, I don't mind sharing.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Except my Jason Donovan spit collection,
0:11:55 > 0:11:57because that is mine and worth a fortune.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59But, OK, you can have a look at it.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01What's your favouritest crisp flavour?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Let's say at the same time.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Er, I don't know. Prawn...
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Prawn cocktail! I knew we were going to be best friends
0:12:07 > 0:12:09for infinity! Pinkie promise!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12You do know that's not how you do that?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14SHE LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- TEACHER'S VOICE:- Right, that's it -
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- you're both in isolation for the rest of the day.- Yes!- Miss!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21You are welcome.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Best friends for ever.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26We're going to a Jason Donovan concert together.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28I don't even know who that is.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29He's awesome.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31And so are you...
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Bestie.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:12:38 > 0:12:40The final lesson of the day is maths,
0:12:40 > 0:12:45where Mr Conundrum is using a visual aid to assist learning.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48So, if a man is making a model aeroplane
0:12:48 > 0:12:52and superglue takes five seconds
0:12:52 > 0:12:56per two centimetres squared of surface area to dry,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58how long will it take for the man's hand
0:12:58 > 0:13:01to completely bond with his plane?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- THE CLASS LAUGH - Or his pen?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Yes, Tahj?- 20.5 seconds, sir.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Oh, dear!
0:13:08 > 0:13:09SQUELCHING
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Oh... And, for an extra mark,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15if the man forgets that the superglue is in his back pocket
0:13:15 > 0:13:19and sits on it, how long will it take for the man's bottom
0:13:19 > 0:13:21to completely bond with the chair?
0:13:21 > 0:13:235.5 seconds, sir.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24HE GROANS
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Right.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30HE GROANS, CLASS LAUGH
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Quiet reading.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39SCHOOL BELL RINGS
0:13:39 > 0:13:42The first day of term has come to an end,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44and while some are pleased to be back...
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Laters, guys. Holla!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48..for others, it's not been the best of starts.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49How was isolation?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- Don't ask.- Come along, dear.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Let's get you home. - This is ridiculous!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58I can't believe you called my actual parents.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00See you tomorrow, sir.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Yes... Hopefully. - HE GROANS
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Well, at least it's only ten months until the summer holidays.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09# The boys are back in town The boys are back in town
0:14:12 > 0:14:13# I said the boys are back in town
0:14:13 > 0:14:16# The boys are back in town The boys are back in town
0:14:16 > 0:14:18# The boys are back in town. #