0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06A school like any other.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,
0:00:10 > 0:00:13most respected members or the teaching profession.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Our cameras returned for another year to find out
0:00:16 > 0:00:19what life is really like for the students and their teachers
0:00:19 > 0:00:21at this most ordinary of schools.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Class Dismissed.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32It's Valentine's day at Dockbridge High,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34and love is in the air.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Even if it's not reciprocated.
0:00:39 > 0:00:44As usual, year 9 pupil Martin will be delivering the cards...
0:00:44 > 0:00:46dressed as Cupid.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Hello, Miss. Happy Valentine's day.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51What...is...it?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54It... I mean, HE is Martin, he's in year 9.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- It's got wings.- Well, yes. Cupid, god of love.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- Shoo! Shoo!- Here.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03It's coming for us! Waaaaaa!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07With Valentine's day off to a flying start,
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Cupid, AKA Martin,
0:01:09 > 0:01:11is on his way to science.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- Good morning, sir.- Is it?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- Happy Valentine's day.- Myeh.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Mr Nasal doesn't believe in Valentine's day,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24because he's a man of science...
0:01:24 > 0:01:26and because his girlfriend, Miss Spray,
0:01:26 > 0:01:28recently split up with him.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30This one's for you. This for you.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32For you. For you.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34For you. Whatever.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- This one's for you, sir!- Oh! I knew she'd want me back!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44"Your car is parked in a loading bay.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47"If you do not move it within two hours..." Oh, whatever.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Oh, sir.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50What is it, Martin? Is it another card?
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Your car's being towed, sir.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I think it's parked in a loading bay.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- TRUCK REVERSES - Ah, me car!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58THEY LAUGH
0:02:00 > 0:02:02The next lesson is French,
0:02:02 > 0:02:06and Miss Franks has the perfect Valentine's day lesson plan.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08OK, class!
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Today's scenario is at la restaurant.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15And I've hired a real-life French waiter
0:02:15 > 0:02:17so we can practice ordering en frenchy.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- En francais.- Bless you.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Ah! Here he is! Ah! French people look so weird!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24SHE LAUGHS
0:02:24 > 0:02:28HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:02:28 > 0:02:30TAHJ REPLIES IN FRENCH
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Tres bien.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Who and a what, now?- I just ordered some bread and water. In French.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Pssh! That wasn't French, Tahj, you're embarrassing yourself.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43He has no idea what you're on about. Ha-ha! Oh!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:02:45 > 0:02:47He said, "May I take your order?"
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Ah! Oui! I knew that.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Excusez-moi.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02- IN BAD FRENCH:- Ja voudrais un sandwich au jambon et au fromage.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Oui! Ha-ha! Mercy buckets!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Miss, he said they don't... - Shhh! Tahj...
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Now, class. He's saying something we don't understand.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22So, what should we do?
0:03:22 > 0:03:26That's right! Say it louder and slower!
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- LOUD AND SLOW:- Ja voudrais un sandwich
0:03:33 > 0:03:36au jambon et au fromage!
0:03:37 > 0:03:40HE SPEAKS FRENCH
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Pour vous, monsieur?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45TAHJ ORDERS IN FRENCH
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- LOUDER AND SLOWER:- Ja voudrais un sandwich
0:03:52 > 0:03:55au jambon et au fromage!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Idiot.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Any questions about what we've seen so far?
0:04:00 > 0:04:01So many questions.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Come on, man. I'm starving!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- For madam.- Ah! Gracias!- Monsieur.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Merci.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13You see, Tahj.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16With a little practice, you can make yourself understood.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Eh, Fred!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Oui?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23E tu available the next week, por favor?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26HE RANTS IN FRENCH
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Au revoir! Salut, Tahj.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Bye.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39I think he said yes! Ha-ha!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Bon appetiser!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42SHE LAUGHS
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Give us a chip, don't be stingy.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Break time. Miss Spray is in the prep room
0:04:48 > 0:04:51crying over her break-up with Mr Nasal.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55And she's not the only one feeling miserable this Valentine's day.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Oi, you lot! Stop larking around and having fun.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- This isn't a playground, you know. - Yes, it is, sir.- Right, that's it.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- You can spend the next lesson in isolation.- What? But, sir...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Just go.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09And let that be a warning to the rest of you.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11That's better.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15He's in a foul mood.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19I wish him and Miss Spray would just get back together.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23In the isolation room, Billy is receiving some unwanted attention.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Can I help you?
0:05:27 > 0:05:28SHE LAUGHS
0:05:28 > 0:05:30You're so funny!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Quiet, you two, or you'll be back here tomorrow.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- I'm Tammy.- Billy.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39I'm going to call you Jason after my favouritest human in the world,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- Jason Donovan.- Who?
0:05:41 > 0:05:42What's your favouritest shape?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Let's say at the same time!
0:05:45 > 0:05:46- I dunno!- Triangles!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Oh! I like triangles, too. We have so much in common.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50SHE LAUGHS
0:05:50 > 0:05:52What did I just say?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Look at my drawing. You'll never guess who it is.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03It's us! I done it in raspberry gel pens. Have a sniff.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07HE SNIFFS
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Do you believe in soul mates?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- I, eh...- Hush. There are no words.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Apparently we're engaged. I don't remember asking her, but...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22she seems so sure.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Do you want to come to the wedding?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27The theme is princesses and ponies.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28I can't wait.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31THEME TO THE APPRENTICE PLAYS
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Over in business studies, Even Mr Windlow is thinking about love.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I love making money. I love counting money.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I love the smell of money.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I love putting money in hot water
0:06:43 > 0:06:45and making money tea.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Now, who can tell me
0:06:48 > 0:06:52- what Valentine's day really means?- Love?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- No.- Romance?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- No.- Garlic bread!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Still no.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Valentine's day is about money.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Cash. Moolah.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04It's a key date in the money-making calendar.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Like National Goldfish day.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Martin...
0:07:08 > 0:07:10you're fired.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Now, we're going to take some old junk
0:07:12 > 0:07:16and turn it into Valentine's gifts to flog to loved-up lovebirds
0:07:16 > 0:07:19with hearts for eyes who'll cough up twice the price for the privilege.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- Karen?- It's Jasmine.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I always have a Karen.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24What we got?
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- One old glove?- It's not an old glove, it's a...
0:07:31 > 0:07:33love glove. You only need one,
0:07:33 > 0:07:37because you're holding hands with your sweetheart with the other.
0:07:37 > 0:07:3925 quid.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42What other tat have we got?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Half-eaten mints.- No! These are...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48..Valentine's breath fresheners.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- How much?- 20p?
0:07:50 > 0:07:5217.99 plus VAT!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55And you're fired. What next?
0:07:59 > 0:08:00The key to my heart?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04No! You're wrong. That's the key to my shed.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06You're fired, too.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I've been looking for that.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Site manager Dave and cleaner Kev
0:08:14 > 0:08:17are spoiling themselves this Valentine's day.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Hi, Dave...
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Mr Windlow asked me to come and get more junk from lost property.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Righty-oh. Kevin, property lost. - Sure.- Pronto.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30What have we got here?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Oh, one lunch box that's been here since '97.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Complete with sandwich. Ooh.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Ooh. One football sock, mildly cheesy.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42And, er...
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Ooh, Best Of Neighbours 1995 video. That do you?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47- I think he'll be pleased.- Ooh.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Right, let's give you a hand. - Thanks.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Here you go.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- Happy to help.- Thanks.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Goodbye, then!
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Kevin?- Yes, Dave?- Where are the keys?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Eh, in your trouser pocket, Dave.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10And where are my trousers?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12In there, Dave.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16KIDS LAUGH
0:09:17 > 0:09:21In the canteen, Mark is gazing at his one true love,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Marcela.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- Oh, she's so beautiful.- Who?
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- Give it up, she's not interested. - I'm never giving up on her!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- She's my girlfriend, man! - You're delusional.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- Hit it!- Don't!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37MUSIC: Foxy Lady By The Jimi Hendrix Experience
0:09:37 > 0:09:40No, no, no, no, no, don't do it.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42"Foxy!"
0:09:43 > 0:09:45What is he doing?
0:09:45 > 0:09:46"Foxy!"
0:09:48 > 0:09:51# You know you're a killer
0:09:51 > 0:09:53# Heartbreaker
0:09:53 > 0:09:55# Foxy
0:09:55 > 0:09:57# Yeah
0:09:57 > 0:09:59# And you know you're a... #
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- Oh, Marky! - RECORD SCRATCH
0:10:02 > 0:10:04You left in such a rush this morning
0:10:04 > 0:10:07you forgot your Valentine's presents.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I don't know who they're from!
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Oh, thanks, Mum. I mean, Miss!
0:10:13 > 0:10:15She's not my mum!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Happy Valentine's day, Marky.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21LAUGHTER
0:10:21 > 0:10:23He's such an embarrassment.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27With the course of true love running far from smoothly,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30the pupils decide it's time to give some relationship advice.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31MISS SPRAY CRIES
0:10:31 > 0:10:33He loves you.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37You just need to tell him that you love him, too.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43She's not in love with the delivery guy. You're being silly.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- She loves you.- You need to tell her how you feel, sir.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Mr Nasal and Miss Spray have agreed to meet to talk things over...
0:10:54 > 0:10:56like grown-ups.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58What on earth?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08What do you think, boys?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Hmm. You look...different.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I love your hair.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18What did you say to him?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20We just told him to meet Miss Spray here and to...
0:11:20 > 0:11:22look nice.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Oh. That's what we told her, too.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27CROWD GASP
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Sir.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Oh, wow.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Miss Spray!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Tell me about it, stud.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40# I got chills, they're multiplying
0:11:41 > 0:11:46# And I'm losing control
0:11:46 > 0:11:50# Cos the power you're supplying
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# It's electrifying!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56# You better shape up
0:11:56 > 0:12:00# Cos I need a man
0:12:00 > 0:12:03# And my heart is set on you
0:12:03 > 0:12:05# You better shape up
0:12:05 > 0:12:08# You better understand
0:12:08 > 0:12:11# To my heart I must be true
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- # Nothing left - BOTH:- Nothing left for me to do
0:12:14 > 0:12:17# You're the one that I want You are the one I want
0:12:17 > 0:12:19# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey
0:12:19 > 0:12:21# The one that I want You are the one I want
0:12:21 > 0:12:23# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey
0:12:23 > 0:12:26# The one that I want You are the one I want
0:12:26 > 0:12:29# Ooh-ooh-ooh The one I need
0:12:29 > 0:12:32# Oh, yes, indeed. #
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- Miss Spray.- Mr Nasal!
0:12:36 > 0:12:40Does this mean they're back together?
0:12:40 > 0:12:41CROWD GASP
0:12:43 > 0:12:45SHE GASPS
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Will you marry me, Miss Spray?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Of course I will!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53THEY CHEER
0:12:53 > 0:12:57# ..Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure that deep inside
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- # You're the one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:00 > 0:13:01# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey
0:13:01 > 0:13:03# The one that I want... #
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- The first-ever Dockbridge High wedding!- I think it's sweet.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Hang on a minute.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Does that mean their surname's going to be "Nasal-Spray"?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- ALL:- Gross!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- # You're the one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:17 > 0:13:19# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- # The one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- # Ooh-ooh-ooh - Honey
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- # The one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:26 > 0:13:29# Ooh-ooh-ooh The one I need
0:13:29 > 0:13:32# Oh, yes, indeed
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- # You're the one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- # Mmm-mmm-hmm - Honey
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- # The one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:39 > 0:13:41# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- # The one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:43 > 0:13:46# Ooh-ooh-ooh The one I need
0:13:46 > 0:13:49# Oh, yes, indeed
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- # You're the one that I want - You are the one I want
0:13:52 > 0:13:54# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- # The one that I want - You are the one I want... #
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Oh, my goodness. I love a wedding!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00They're getting married,
0:14:00 > 0:14:03and we're all invited. What are you going to wear? What shall I wear?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Shall I get a new hat? Where do you get hats from?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08It'll be nice to get out of this voiceover booth, to be honest.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I am SO excited!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Next episode. I'm putting it in my calendar now.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Can't wait! See you there!