Nits!

0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is Dockbridge High - a school just like yours,

0:00:04 > 0:00:06a school like any other,

0:00:06 > 0:00:10a place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,

0:00:10 > 0:00:13most respected members of the teaching profession.

0:00:13 > 0:00:16Our cameras returned for another year to find out

0:00:16 > 0:00:18what life is really like for the students

0:00:18 > 0:00:21and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.

0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Class Dismissed.

0:00:31 > 0:00:35It's early morning, and school nurse Mr Heart

0:00:35 > 0:00:37is hoping for a medical emergency.

0:00:37 > 0:00:39KNOCKING

0:00:39 > 0:00:40Come in.

0:00:40 > 0:00:43- Morning, sir.- What seems to be the problem, Scout?

0:00:43 > 0:00:46Heart problems? Plague?

0:00:46 > 0:00:48- Loose limb?- No.

0:00:48 > 0:00:50My head's just really itchy.

0:00:50 > 0:00:54Let's take a look at you. Could be a rare case of cranial scalpitus.

0:00:54 > 0:00:58Or it could just be nits. Yeah. It's nits.

0:00:58 > 0:01:01NITS! The only medical emergency that scares the Holby City

0:01:01 > 0:01:03out of me on account of my beautiful hair!

0:01:03 > 0:01:06There's only one thing for it - quarantine!

0:01:06 > 0:01:09- But I've got maths. - No! You've got nits!

0:01:09 > 0:01:11You need to be isolated, stat!

0:01:13 > 0:01:15Whoa!

0:01:15 > 0:01:16SHE BANGS ON DOOR

0:01:16 > 0:01:17Let me out!

0:01:19 > 0:01:21They're everywhere!

0:01:26 > 0:01:29Mayday, Mayday. Requesting backup.

0:01:29 > 0:01:32I've got an outbreak of nits at Dockbridge High.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37Did someone say outbreak?

0:01:50 > 0:01:51BEEPING

0:01:51 > 0:01:53Who are you?

0:01:53 > 0:01:56They call me the nit nurse - license to delouse.

0:01:56 > 0:01:57BANGING FROM INSIDE DOOR

0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Hello?- Quarantine? Good.

0:02:00 > 0:02:03But it's not safe here. You need to come with me.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05- Where are we going? - We're going to kill them all, pet.

0:02:05 > 0:02:07One nit at a time.

0:02:09 > 0:02:10Come on!

0:02:12 > 0:02:14As the nit nurse begins headhunting,

0:02:14 > 0:02:17Year Nine are in Geography with part-time teacher,

0:02:17 > 0:02:21full-time street magician, Miss Presto.

0:02:21 > 0:02:24Miss? Could you draw the water cycle on the board, please?

0:02:24 > 0:02:26I could, Tahj.

0:02:26 > 0:02:30Or I could amaze you with my latest magic trick!

0:02:30 > 0:02:34Pick a card, yeah? Just touch with your finger.

0:02:34 > 0:02:35Don't tell me what it is.

0:02:35 > 0:02:40Now, watch the wall closely.

0:02:45 > 0:02:47- Is this your card?- No.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50- This one?- No.

0:02:50 > 0:02:52- This one?- No.

0:02:52 > 0:02:55You see? It's disappeared!

0:02:55 > 0:02:57And that's magic.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59Right, let's try another.

0:02:59 > 0:03:01Or you could draw the water cycle, Miss.

0:03:01 > 0:03:03You know? Evaporation, precipitation...

0:03:03 > 0:03:05Levitation!

0:03:05 > 0:03:07Great idea, Tahj! Ready?

0:03:10 > 0:03:13Just watch my feet.

0:03:16 > 0:03:19I've just got to concentrate...

0:03:19 > 0:03:23As Tahj finishes drawing the water cycle,

0:03:23 > 0:03:25the nit nurse and her new sidekick, Mr Heart,

0:03:25 > 0:03:28are realising the scale of the situation.

0:03:28 > 0:03:32Oh, my... Heart, we have a problem.

0:03:32 > 0:03:35I know. Just thought of all these nits is making me itchy.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37No. Two o'clock.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40The kid with the longest hair I've seen in a decade of delousing.

0:03:40 > 0:03:42If a nit gets into those locks,

0:03:42 > 0:03:44it'll start a colony that'll never be defeated.

0:03:44 > 0:03:46The mothership.

0:03:46 > 0:03:49There's no time to lose. Let's go in.

0:03:53 > 0:03:57- Come with us if you don't want nits! - What?!- There's no time to explain.

0:03:57 > 0:03:59But you and your hair are in grave danger.

0:03:59 > 0:04:02- But I've got double Science! - But what if you get nits?

0:04:02 > 0:04:04It's all right, I've got my own nit comb.

0:04:04 > 0:04:07That's not a nit comb. This is a nit comb.

0:04:07 > 0:04:11Now, sure, you can take your chances with that flowing mane of yours,

0:04:11 > 0:04:16but you've got to ask yourself one question - do I feel lucky?

0:04:16 > 0:04:18Well, do you, punk?

0:04:19 > 0:04:23- Then let's get you out of here. - This way, ma'am.

0:04:23 > 0:04:27Listen up, nits - I've got a very particular set of skills,

0:04:27 > 0:04:30skills that make me a nightmare for nits like you.

0:04:30 > 0:04:32So, know this...

0:04:34 > 0:04:37..I will look for you, I will find you,

0:04:37 > 0:04:39and I will kill you.

0:04:39 > 0:04:41Move out!

0:04:45 > 0:04:49In Science, the pupils are putting up with two health hazards -

0:04:49 > 0:04:53the outbreak of nits and Mr Nasal's nose.

0:04:53 > 0:04:58OK, Year Nine, let's discuss nits.

0:04:58 > 0:05:06I for one have never, ever, EVER had nits.

0:05:06 > 0:05:07Dirty little blighters.

0:05:07 > 0:05:10Actually, sir, nits prefer clean hair,

0:05:10 > 0:05:12so having them doesn't mean you're dirty.

0:05:12 > 0:05:15Nonsense. If that's true, how come I've never had any?

0:05:16 > 0:05:22Exactly. Now, who here would like to look at a nit under the microscope?

0:05:22 > 0:05:25Emily and Jasmine, you can come up first.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30Look at that!

0:05:30 > 0:05:31HE INHALES

0:05:31 > 0:05:33Emily...

0:05:33 > 0:05:35HE SNEEZES VIOLENTLY

0:05:37 > 0:05:39Disgusting, aren't they?

0:05:41 > 0:05:43BELL RINGS

0:05:43 > 0:05:46News of the nits epidemic has spread around the school,

0:05:46 > 0:05:48and so have the nits.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51Fortunately, site manager Dave has a special mop

0:05:51 > 0:05:53for just such an occasion.

0:05:53 > 0:05:55Unfortunately, Kev, the cleaner,

0:05:55 > 0:05:58has accidentally shut himself in the mop cupboard with it.

0:05:58 > 0:06:00All right, Kev?

0:06:00 > 0:06:04When I say "push", you push and I'll pull.

0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Got it? - MUFFLED:- All right, Dave.

0:06:06 > 0:06:09OK. Three, two, one, push.

0:06:09 > 0:06:10THEY STRAIN

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Dave, it's dark in here!

0:06:14 > 0:06:16Now hold it there, Kev.

0:06:16 > 0:06:23It's not working. All right, this time, you pull and I'll push.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Got it?- All right, Dave.

0:06:25 > 0:06:27OK, let's try it again.

0:06:27 > 0:06:30Three, two, one, pull.

0:06:30 > 0:06:31KEV GROANS

0:06:31 > 0:06:35Uh! No, it's no use.

0:06:35 > 0:06:37It's stuck.

0:06:39 > 0:06:44Kevin, you do know the difference between push and pull, don't you?

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Erm...

0:06:49 > 0:06:50Apparently not.

0:06:54 > 0:06:56Sorry, Dave.

0:07:05 > 0:07:07In Councillor Joy's citizenship class,

0:07:07 > 0:07:10the pupils are learning about resilience.

0:07:10 > 0:07:14So, today, we are going to talk about resilience,

0:07:14 > 0:07:18about bouncing back from life's little knocks.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23This nits epidemic gives us a great case study.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26So, who's been accused of having nits today?

0:07:26 > 0:07:30- And how did that make you feel, Harriet?- Cross, Miss.

0:07:30 > 0:07:33Ah-a-a! Call me Joy.

0:07:33 > 0:07:36Cross, Joy. Cos I don't have nits, I just had an itch.

0:07:36 > 0:07:38So, as you can see,

0:07:38 > 0:07:42Harriet may have thick hair but she also needed a thick skin.

0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Whether she has nits... - I don't.

0:07:45 > 0:07:48..or not, Harriet has to learn to shrug off things

0:07:48 > 0:07:51that don't really matter, and move on.

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Right? That is resilience.

0:07:59 > 0:08:01That doesn't look right.

0:08:01 > 0:08:03It's I before E, Miss.

0:08:03 > 0:08:04Oh.

0:08:04 > 0:08:08Yes, I... I've made a spelling mistake.

0:08:09 > 0:08:12Well done, Joy, they're all having a good laugh at you now.

0:08:12 > 0:08:15It easily fixed, Miss. I mean, Joy.

0:08:15 > 0:08:19I before E, except if you're me! I can't believe I've been so stupid!

0:08:19 > 0:08:21Don't worry, we all struggle with spelling sometimes.

0:08:21 > 0:08:23Honestly, it's fine, Miss.

0:08:23 > 0:08:25Joy!

0:08:25 > 0:08:29I'm sorry, children, but I need some time out, in my safe space.

0:08:29 > 0:08:31Oh, don't, Miss - it doesn't matter.

0:08:31 > 0:08:34Be resilient. Shrug it off.

0:08:34 > 0:08:36Wait for me, Joy.

0:08:39 > 0:08:41I don't have nits!

0:08:41 > 0:08:42BELL RINGS

0:08:42 > 0:08:46Lunchtime, and Billy is in the library,

0:08:46 > 0:08:48where Mrs Winston demands respect,

0:08:48 > 0:08:52loyalty and an appreciation of the classics.

0:08:53 > 0:08:57Billy, Billy, Billy... You're a smart kid.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59So tell me why you're reading this garbage.

0:08:59 > 0:09:01Mutant Harvest is a classic.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03Now, you listen to me, kid, and you listen good.

0:09:03 > 0:09:05I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.

0:09:05 > 0:09:08Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austen.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10I think you'll find her characterisation

0:09:10 > 0:09:13of Regency society quite spellbinding.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16You know, I would hate to see that nice bag of yours

0:09:16 > 0:09:18have a nasty accident.

0:09:18 > 0:09:19Wouldn't you, Ron?

0:09:19 > 0:09:21RON GROWLS

0:09:22 > 0:09:25Wise move. And remember, don't be overdue!

0:09:28 > 0:09:31Elsewhere, in an empty classroom, the nit nurse

0:09:31 > 0:09:33is prepping her nit kit.

0:09:33 > 0:09:38- Nit comb?- Check.- Nit lotion?- Check. - Nit spray?- Check.

0:09:38 > 0:09:40And I got each of you one of these.

0:09:40 > 0:09:41They've got holes in them, sir.

0:09:41 > 0:09:43The nits are small enough to climb through.

0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Dang, they thought of everything! - Nit wit?- Check.

0:09:46 > 0:09:48THEY SNIGGER

0:09:48 > 0:09:50What we need is a way to get all the nitted-headed ninnies

0:09:50 > 0:09:53- together in one place. - BELL RINGS

0:09:53 > 0:09:56- I know where, Miss.- Then let's rock and roll, nit pickers.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59As the nit pickers prepare for battle,

0:09:59 > 0:10:02Year Nine are preparing for Maths.

0:10:02 > 0:10:08So, if a man, on his lunch break at school - or wherever he works,

0:10:08 > 0:10:10but it's probably a school -

0:10:10 > 0:10:14goes to a shop to buy a bottle of water,

0:10:14 > 0:10:19the water costs £1.10 but the minimum spend

0:10:19 > 0:10:22to use a debit card is £5.

0:10:23 > 0:10:31Should he A, pay the EXTORTIONATE £3.90 more,

0:10:31 > 0:10:34but get nothing extra,

0:10:34 > 0:10:39or B, bring his total spend to over £5

0:10:39 > 0:10:42by buying a top-of-the-range barbecue

0:10:42 > 0:10:46for £499.99p?

0:10:50 > 0:10:53- Yes, Tahj?- Couldn't he just walk to the nearest cashpoint, sir?

0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Then he wouldn't have to pay anything extra at all.- Oh.

0:10:58 > 0:11:01Yes, that's a good idea actually, Tahj.

0:11:04 > 0:11:08- Delivery for Mr Conundrum. - Oh, dear...

0:11:10 > 0:11:14- Barbecue at your house, sir? - Quiet reading.

0:11:15 > 0:11:20In the hallway, the nit busters are getting ready to bust some nits.

0:11:21 > 0:11:23You were right, Marty -

0:11:23 > 0:11:26the corridor's full of nitty kids and the bell hasn't even gone yet.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28On the count of three, we go in.

0:11:28 > 0:11:30Ready?

0:11:30 > 0:11:32Three.

0:11:32 > 0:11:35Hey, nits? Nit this!

0:11:40 > 0:11:42Hasta la vista, nitties!

0:11:45 > 0:11:47BELL RINGS

0:11:47 > 0:11:50But their fight is far from over.

0:11:50 > 0:11:53Erm, Miss?

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Run!

0:12:00 > 0:12:01THEY SCREAM

0:12:08 > 0:12:09MR HEART WHIMPERS

0:12:09 > 0:12:12Pull yourself together, sir. You need to be more resilient.

0:12:12 > 0:12:14The nit nurse will know what to do. Right, nit nurse?

0:12:18 > 0:12:19ALL: No!

0:12:19 > 0:12:21They've got me, Marty!

0:12:21 > 0:12:23They've gone and got me.

0:12:23 > 0:12:26That's it, sir. They've won.

0:12:27 > 0:12:29Enough is enough.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32I've had it with the nits in this school.

0:12:32 > 0:12:35They may try to take our hair, but they will never take...

0:12:35 > 0:12:38..our freedom!

0:12:40 > 0:12:43Yippee ki yay, nitty-nitties!

0:12:43 > 0:12:45DRAMATIC THEME PLAYS

0:13:09 > 0:13:12You did it. You did it, sir.

0:13:12 > 0:13:14It's not over yet, Heart.

0:13:14 > 0:13:15Me.

0:13:15 > 0:13:18You've got to do me.

0:13:18 > 0:13:22- I can't.- You must. - Not you.- Do it.

0:13:22 > 0:13:24Just do it.

0:13:32 > 0:13:34I'm deloused!

0:13:34 > 0:13:36Put it there, Heart.

0:13:38 > 0:13:39BELL RINGS

0:13:48 > 0:13:49CHILDREN CHEER

0:13:54 > 0:13:57It's all over. My work here is done.

0:13:57 > 0:13:58But you can't leave us.

0:13:58 > 0:14:01You'll be all right, Marty. You've got each other now.

0:14:01 > 0:14:06But if the nits return...I'll be back!

0:14:06 > 0:14:08Schedule permitting, like.

0:14:19 > 0:14:21IRRITABLE KNOCKING

0:14:21 > 0:14:23Seriously... Can I come out now?

0:14:23 > 0:14:25# You're simply the best

0:14:28 > 0:14:31# Better than all the rest

0:14:33 > 0:14:35# Better than anyone

0:14:37 > 0:14:40# Anyone I've ever met... #

0:14:40 > 0:14:42BELL RINGS