0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours,
0:00:04 > 0:00:06a school like any other.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,
0:00:10 > 0:00:14most respected members of the teaching profession.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Our cameras returned for another year
0:00:16 > 0:00:18to find out what life is really like
0:00:18 > 0:00:21for the students and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Welcome to Class Dismissed.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33As the pupils of Dockbridge High arrive at school,
0:00:33 > 0:00:37their esteemed head teacher, Hilary Head, is hiding in her office.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40- SHE SIGHS - They're out there, Pot Pot.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Look at the children.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Something about the school seems to attract them.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Maybe it's the fact they're legally obliged to attend.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50I mean, how many of them are there?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52902 at last count.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55What? But there's only 30 teachers in the whole school,
0:00:55 > 0:00:57that means we're outnumbered 30 to one.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Actually, there's more than that.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Mrs Hackvinder and Miss Franks are ill today, so that makes...
0:01:05 > 0:01:06..32.14 to one.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Not helping, Pootle.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Sorry, Your Grace.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I was just about to call and get two supply teachers, though.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Supply teachers - you're a genius, Pinto.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16PHONE RINGS
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Hello. Hilary Head, Dockbridge High.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Supply teachers - I need lots of them.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25As many as you can send.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27No, I don't care if they're any good or not,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30just get them here as soon as possible.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35The supply of supply teachers is promptly supplied
0:01:35 > 0:01:39and Mr Capp is about to meet someone even cooler than him.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42He's so cool.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45BRAKES SCREECH, FOLLOWED BY CRASHING
0:01:45 > 0:01:50OMG, your man bun, it's perfection.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55I mean, what's up, bruv, your bro bun's off the hizzle.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Ah-h-h...
0:02:00 > 0:02:02He's so cool!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05BELL RINGS
0:02:05 > 0:02:07In French, year nine are about to encounter
0:02:07 > 0:02:09their first supply teacher.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Good moaning!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I am Monsieur Artois.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Good morning, Monsieur Artois.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Good moaning, bees and gulls.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Now, does everyone have some pooper?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25- You what, sir?- Pooper.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27A piece of pooper.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Oh, you mean a piece of paper.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31Thank you.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33What is your gnome?
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Billy, sir, pleased to meet you.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38I thunk I'm going to lick you, Bolly.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41In fact, I thunk I'm going to lick all of you.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Thanks, Sir. I thunk we're going to lick you, too.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48- THEY LAUGH - Sir, your English is...
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Brolliant, I knee.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Lick, I was burn here.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Oh, like you were born here?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Thot is what I sod.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Now, everyone, take a leak.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00I've just been, sir.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Take a leak at the pooper.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07A burcycle. Une bicyclette.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13100 weirds on the burcycle, en Francais, goo.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17100 words on the bike in French.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Go.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26Excuse me, Bolly, where is the tealet?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- The what, sir?- The tealet.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- Sorry, I can't...- Come on, Bolly, I nude a piddle.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Er...you need to pedal?
0:03:36 > 0:03:40- Oh, you're talking about the bike, sir.- No, not pedal, puddle!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43A woo-woo, a waddle, a slosh?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I need to spon the pinney.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I get it, he needs the loo.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Oui, oui.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Oh, wee wee, you should've just said.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- It's down the corridor to the right, sir.- Phoneally!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Is it not claw when I talk to you?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I really must puddle.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Break time, and Mr Capp is intent on befriending Mr Lad,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09whether he likes it or not.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Mr Lad!
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Mr Lad!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Mr Lad!
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Mr Lad!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21He didn't hear me.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Mr Lad!
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Mr Lad!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Mr Lad!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Mr Lad!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Mr Lad!
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Mr Lad!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Yeah.- Shut up. - In the technology block,
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Mark is asking Marcella out on a date.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- Again.- Hi, babes.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Oh, my goodness, literally what do you want?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Do you want to go cinema on Saturday?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Yeah, OK, sure,
0:04:47 > 0:04:53like if the world literally ends and you and I are literally the only two
0:04:53 > 0:04:58people left on the planet and there is literally nothing else to do.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Literally.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Guess who's got a date for Saturday!
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Wow. Just wow.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Mr Lad! Mr Lad!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Boom!- Mr Lad!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Oh, I didn't see you there, dude.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19I like your board. It's totally rad.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25Listen, yeah, no-one says dude any more, or rad.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Yeah, I know that, it was totes urban irony, dude. I mean bro.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Bro... Want to hang out?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34I only hang out with cool people.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Me cool.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Yeah?
0:05:37 > 0:05:41All right, I'm going to go do some parkour by the bike racks.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Come if you like.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44I can't. I've got lessons.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Bunk off.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- HE GIGGLES - I can't do that.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I thought you said you were cool.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51I am.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Ah, major FOMO, ah!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- I'll do it. - But sir, you'll get into trouble.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Hey, chillax, I'll just get a supply teacher.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00They've got loads of them.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01Parkour!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05- THEY LAUGH - Come on then.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- BELL RINGS - Look how high I am.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10As Mr Capp has bunked off to practise parkour,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Miss Kinder is covering his lesson.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Good morning, everyone.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Oh, weird kid.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16I've missed you.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Sit down, please.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- HE LAUGHS - You're hilarious, man.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23She actually is a teacher, Mark.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Yeah, don't worry, you're hilarious, too.- Let's get started.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Mr Capp, I... You again.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31What are you doing, child?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- Teaching.- Teaching?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34My office, now.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36- But I've got my birth certificate. - At once!
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Bye, weird kid.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I'll catch you later, yeah?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42You're going to pay for this.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44You are all going to pay for this.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I love that kid. I'm going to invite her to my birthday party.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- THEY LAUGH - What?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53With Miss Kinder suddenly unavailable,
0:06:53 > 0:06:55year nine are waiting for another supply teacher.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58This time it's someone they recognise.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00If only she recognised them.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Hello.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02Seriously?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04My name is Miss Goldfish.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Now, it's important that you children understand
0:07:07 > 0:07:09that I, unfortunately,
0:07:09 > 0:07:12only have a five-second memory.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I know this will make our lesson difficult,
0:07:14 > 0:07:16but it's important that you children understand
0:07:16 > 0:07:19that I, unfortunately,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21only have a five-second memory.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23It's very nice to meet you all.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24You've met us before.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Have I?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28My name is Miss Goldfish.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32It's important that you children understand that I, unfortunately...
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Only have a five-second memory. - Man!
0:07:35 > 0:07:37That's right.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Ah, what a very nice school.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42I like going to new places.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43You've been here before.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44You know you have.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Have I?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Well, it's important that you children understand that I...
0:07:49 > 0:07:50Oh, my days.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51I'm getting rage, man.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I'm getting actual rage.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55BELL RINGS It's lunchtime
0:07:55 > 0:07:57and Miss Kinder is trying her luck in the staffroom.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- DANCE MUSIC PLAYS - Not you again.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Playground's that way.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01I am a teacher.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Kindly stand aside.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04You're not a teacher.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06You're 12 at most.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Stop pretending.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09I'm not pretending - I'm 25.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10I've got ID.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Sir, could you come out here?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17You again.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I'm a teache-e-e-r!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23BELL RINGS
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Everyone returns to afternoon lessons.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Hello, my name is Miss Goldfish. - Oh, no.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31We know!
0:08:31 > 0:08:33But Mr Capp and Mr Lad are up to no good.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Come on. We shouldn't be doing this.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37Chillax, will you?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41We'll get in trouble.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- HE TITTERS - I won't.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Come on then, Cappy. - BELL RINGS
0:08:54 > 0:08:55Mr Capp...
0:08:57 > 0:09:02What supply teacher Mr Qwerty doesn't know about computers is...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04quite a lot.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07The future is in computers.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I know everyone says they'll never take off,
0:09:10 > 0:09:13but I'm here to tell you different.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18They will become the gateway to an information superhighway
0:09:18 > 0:09:22that we computer experts call...
0:09:22 > 0:09:23the Interweb.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Internet.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26- Is it? - THEY LAUGH
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Oh, yes. Now, hold on to your hats.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Has anyone ever dialled up the internet before?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Sir, you don't dial up the internet any more.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Has anyone ever tried to send...
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Ha! Imagine this...
0:09:39 > 0:09:42an electronic mail?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44An e-mail.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46We know how to send e-mails.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48I've sent five since you've been talking.
0:09:48 > 0:09:55Has anyone ever tried to load what we computer experts call a web page?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- THEY LAUGH - What web page is that, sir?
0:09:57 > 0:09:58What?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Oh, how did that get in there?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Right, sorry about that,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07although I do highly recommend Rhyl
0:10:07 > 0:10:09if you're looking for a summer break.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Just ask your travel agent.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Or book it online.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Online, ha!
0:10:14 > 0:10:18We're not quite there yet, but who knows? Maybe one day.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Now, to load a web page, first you must type "www",
0:10:23 > 0:10:28which stands for World Wide Web, www-dot,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30that's dot as in a full stop.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33When I say dot, that's what I'm intending, OK?
0:10:34 > 0:10:39Ho-ho! Honestly, modern technology!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41What is it with all these new teachers?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43They're like the worst teachers ever.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45And this is Dockbridge - there's a lot of competition.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Mr Lad and Mr Capp are still bunking off.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Oi, Cappy, I dare you to boot the ball at that window.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57No! I'll smash it.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I thought you said you were cool.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Me cool.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04Do it, do it, do it,
0:11:04 > 0:11:06do... Oh, that was rubbish.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08I'll show you how it's done.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15BANGING
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Who did that?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Er...it was him.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20I thought we were mates.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22A word, Mr Capp.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25We're mates.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29That was just pure, bare bants, right?
0:11:29 > 0:11:30- Right? - BELL RINGS
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Another lesson, another supply teacher
0:11:33 > 0:11:35and this one's a bit hard to follow.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40OK, so, today in science we're going to be learning all about the...
0:11:40 > 0:11:43HE MUTTERS
0:11:43 > 0:11:45..photosynthesis.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46What did he say?
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Now, the most important thing you'll ever learn is...
0:11:50 > 0:11:54HE MUTTERS
0:11:54 > 0:11:56..and that will be on the test.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Sorry, sir, I didn't catch what you said.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Oh, sorry, I was just saying that, er, er...eh...eh...
0:12:02 > 0:12:07vacuum pump, you do electricity, and I test you.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09You got it?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10No.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Right, so, let's be very clear on this.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- HE MUTTERS - ..flask!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- And, er...non-metals! - PHONE RINGS
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Oh.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Hello.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Yeah, I'm teaching, no.
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Science.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- HE LAUGHS - I know!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I don't know what I'm talking about.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I've got to go.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Give me a science word.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Oh, yeah.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Bunsen burner.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Yes?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Er...catalyst.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43As the day draws to an end, there's just one final lesson
0:12:43 > 0:12:46and this time the proper teacher has turned up.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48But so has the supply.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51So.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52So.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- If a man.- Or another man.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58..is teaching his class maths...
0:12:58 > 0:13:00..is teaching his class maths...
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- But another man.- Another man.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06- Is also teaching his class maths at the same time.- Time.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Right.- Right.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Should he A, take it as an extreme form of flattery?
0:13:22 > 0:13:27Or B, take it as an extreme form of flattery?
0:13:27 > 0:13:32Or C, be a bit freaked out and ask his mum to walk him home?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Home.- Hmm.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Yes, Taj.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38C, Sir.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Or we could walk you home.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Thank you, Taj.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Yes, I would like that.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45No problem, sir.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Quiet reading.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49BELL RINGS
0:13:49 > 0:13:53The end of the day can't come quickly enough for Mr Konnundrum.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- Ready to go, sir?- Yes.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- Oh, yes, thank you, Taj.- OK.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Mr Capp is sad to see the supply teachers go.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Come back, Mr Lad.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06You're my best buddy.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08He's not, he made you bunk off,
0:14:08 > 0:14:12then got you in trouble for graffiti and breaking a window.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Some friend!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Where are you going?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17You will be back tomorrow, won't you?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20And Hillary Head is not happy, either.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22No!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25No!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27# Since you've been gone
0:14:27 > 0:14:29# Since you've been gone
0:14:29 > 0:14:30# I'm out of my head
0:14:30 > 0:14:33# Can't take it
0:14:33 > 0:14:34# Could I be wrong?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36# But since you've been gone
0:14:36 > 0:14:38# You cast a spell
0:14:38 > 0:14:40# So break it
0:14:40 > 0:14:42# Oh-h-h. #