0:00:02 > 0:00:06- This isn't a joke, is it?- Mr Whedon, what a pleasure.- Zara?- Zara!
0:00:08 > 0:00:09SHE SCREAMS
0:00:09 > 0:00:10Let's talk about it another time.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- Get them back!- Owned!
0:00:15 > 0:00:16Who's doing all this?
0:00:17 > 0:00:19He's from outer space.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Hey! Anything.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24We're shipping out. Whole regiment.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- Don't turn!- Greetings.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28My name is Xan Alpha.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31This is my ship and she's taking me home.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Maybe you can help with some of these.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22So that I can return to my world.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25A vegetable steamer?
0:01:25 > 0:01:30So your...people are short of kitchenware?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33And it can't fly with a loose wheel?
0:01:33 > 0:01:39- Landing's the problem. - Oh, landing's the problem! Oh, dear.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42If there were guinea pigs in my house I think I'd know about it.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I don't need to remind you that her behaviour reflects on you.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49That's right, you don't.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Heel!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53I could talk to her about it if you like?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Good luck.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01- We'll need that hard drive. - Yes, I've got it. It's at home.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Yeah, what's that for?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05To make a warp trans modulator.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Otherwise the plasma circuitry's going to fade every time.- Yeah?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- I might have one in the workshop. - Really?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I didn't realise human technology had caught up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Oh, well. You know, in my spare time.- Oh, I see.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- You were being amusing. - Well, don't die laughing!
0:02:20 > 0:02:23In my world that is usually meant as a threat.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25All right.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Xan says they're very excited about going.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30They like to see new places.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35His people often take guinea pigs on their intergalactic space journeys.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38They're good if you run out of food.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42You...don't mean actually eating them?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43No!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46They make excellent foragers...
0:02:46 > 0:02:51and they can communicate in almost every different language.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Oink?
0:02:52 > 0:02:53With their minds.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Tele...
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Telepathically.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Did you have to listen hard?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Listen, sorry, little fella.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I'm Stealth Commander.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08Sorry, little Stealth Commander, but this thing's jammed solid.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11There's a saying in my world. What goes on, comes off.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Well, there's a couple of sayings in my world you don't want to hear.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17You're not going to shift that without a decent wrench.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Oh, thanks, Jed. Is that right?
0:03:19 > 0:03:23- There's probably one in the stash. - What stash?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40We never found this. I mean...how come?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Keep it.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47You never know.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50GUN WHIRS
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Ah.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00OK.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02We're missing a few bits.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Like what?- A miracle.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09Barring the batteries and spark plugs. Whatever went there.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10No problem, then.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Not for me, kid.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15So this Kubla...Khan...
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Kublan Jepto.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Yeah, I know.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Your arch-enemy. He's... I guess he's pretty evil.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Evil? Yes. I wouldn't say pretty.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28So what does he look like?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31He looks like whatever he wants to look like.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Postbox.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35A tree.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Always count the trees.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40A dustbin maybe. A teaspoon.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Chewing gum, like, under the desk.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Or maybe those bits that get stuck to your trousers.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Sticky plaster in the swimming pool.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- You know the ones with the little trail of...- Yeah.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Thanks, Jed. I think we got it.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57I wouldn't be surprised if he's disguised as a human being.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01There are advantages of taking the form of the indigenous species.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Like you did?- This is how we look.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06So that bucket was meant for him?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09The bucket was meant for you, so that you wouldn't come here.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- But this is our place. - Now you're his enemies too.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16ALARM BELL RINGS
0:05:16 > 0:05:20He's there! He's here, he's that one!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22That tree wasn't there before.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24That's an alarm clock.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Where are you going, Xan? - Home for tea?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48KNOCK AT DOOR
0:05:48 > 0:05:49What?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- It's me. - I didn't say who, I said what.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Look, I'm sorry about water bombing you and Paul.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56- No, you're not.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- Bex, I am. I didn't mean to upset you.- You're not.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Has Dad said anything to you? - Ah, I don't know.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08A couple of days ago he said, "Pass the remote."
0:06:08 > 0:06:11No, I mean about going for a promotion or something.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14What have you heard?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Nothing. I just...wondered.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Well, he said he wasn't doing that any more, didn't he? Moving.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- He likes it here, you know that.- OK.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- Oh, um.- What's that?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29It's from Paul.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Yeah?
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Kublan...
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Jepto.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45He's absolutely evil. The most evil thing ever.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48And he's not pretty.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49He can be anything.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Even a chair.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53So...always count your chairs.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Don't just sit on anything without making sure.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28This better be good!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31OK, here we go.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40You've got to be kidding me?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Uh!
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Are there snakes in there?
0:07:45 > 0:07:46PAUL SNIGGERS
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Well, you know what I'm like with snakes.
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Ugh. I hate them. Oooh!
0:07:51 > 0:07:52What was that?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- Hey!- Should have known.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- My own brother's a snake! - It wasn't me!
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- Was.- Wasn't! - Was.- Wasn't.- Was.- Wasn't.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Your note said "somewhere nice". - Actually, it said "cool".
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Who's that?- It's all right. Just stand still.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- Huh?- I said it's OK. Just relax, yeah?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- He's from a different planet. - Yeah, I could have told you that.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- She appears to be harmless. - You haven't heard her sing. Ow!
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Has she also come to help?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31With what?
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- Oh, yeah, Paul. The list of stuff that needs to go in.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Some of it we've got and some of it we reckon we can get but...
0:08:41 > 0:08:43I've marked the stuff we reckon you can get hold of.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- You said guinea pigs. - You said anything.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47You do know this is stealing?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Since my people gave you fire, the wheel and nuclear technology,
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I prefer to think of it as returning a favour.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05ARMY MARCHING DRILLS
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Come on, come on. Heel!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Sorry, can't hear anything.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23They're saying, "What are you staring at, you numpty?"
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Our children don't go to school.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30They just take knowledge beans.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32What does that taste like?
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Knowledge.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36And...do you have to eat broccoli?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Broccoli doesn't grow on my world.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43And even if it wanted to we wouldn't let it.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I've got something for you.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52It's not the crown jewels exactly but...
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- What? Erm, what is it?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Well... I think you're supposed to open it.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09You know I'm not really good with words and stuff.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11You could try, though.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Would you?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- What?- You know...
0:10:18 > 0:10:20What?
0:10:20 > 0:10:24As a Senior Stealth Commander, I have the authority to marry you.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Hey, one step at a time, dude.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28You can do that when I'm back.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32From what?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- You said...- I know, I'm sorry.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36It's not official yet we just...
0:10:36 > 0:10:40We found same papers in The Weedle's office.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Some plans and stuff.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48We're mobilising. Look's like everyone next week.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51For how long?
0:10:51 > 0:10:55I don't know. Three to six. Could be more.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59It's OK. I'm just engine monkey, strictly back room.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01What am I supposed to do?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04What everyone else does. You know, I'll call and...
0:11:04 > 0:11:08So you just wanted to join the phone queue?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Well, it beats working, I guess.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Everyone's got a cuddle back home except Paul.- No!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Well, yeah. Someone who cares about me. Someone I matter to.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Do you know what I thought?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I thought you actually wanted me.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Oh, Bex.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25And you brought me here because you wanted me here.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27But you just wanted to get THIS over with
0:11:27 > 0:11:30before you skip off and play your stupid game of soldiers.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31How do I get out?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- I'll take you back. - No, I'm all right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- Oh, come on.- I said I'm all right!
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I can walk through flippin' trees.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44That wasn't a yes, was it?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Mmm. That's nice. Up a bit.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57SHE GIGGLES
0:12:02 > 0:12:03It's our marching orders.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- SHE SIGHS - The whole regiment.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09I'm sorry.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18KNOCK AT DOOR
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Bex?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Oh, sweetheart, come on.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Bex?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Bex!
0:13:21 > 0:13:25You still all right with Paul?
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Xan says we only need a few grams of zelechnite
0:13:55 > 0:13:57to fire the trans plasma venoculators.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- So where do we get that?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Well, it doesn't occur on this planet naturally.
0:14:02 > 0:14:08He says you can syn...syn...
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Well, you can make something like it by heating washing up liquid and....
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Just what we need.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Another one.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19- Xan?- Is that Xan?
0:14:19 > 0:14:24- Oh, how do you do, Mr Henderson? - Fine, how are you? Nice to see you.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25This is Alexander.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Please, come in. - Thank you very much.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- Xan?- He's an alien.- Xan!- Xan! - ALL: Xan!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Hi.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Hi, we're looking for, eh...
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Alexander?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Xan!
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Well, come in.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49You've got some visitors!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52He didn't tell me he'd made friends.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54He didn't tell us he had parents.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Well, it's not something you brag about, is it?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Would you like some juice? Orange?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Yes, that would be very nice, thank you.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08They're good people. They took me in after I landed.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09They've given me food and shelter.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13So, they're not your parents?
0:15:13 > 0:15:14They're not even human.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17They're a mixture of artificial intelligence,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19android technology and cerebral matter.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Grown in our laboratories.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Effective, don't you think?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26We even get annoyed when he doesn't tidy his room.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Of course, they would never reveal any of this to anybody.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32So...will they come with us?
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- They will remain here to monitor human progress.- Yeah.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Thanks.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- Ready?- ALL: Yeah.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48EXPLOSION
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Jed!
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Want some?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Ah, excellent. Chuck 'em in there.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Are they your world famous coronary burgers?
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Salad and onions, eh? Triple bypass on a plate.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Ha-ha! I think I will.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Paul!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10God, I don't know why we bother taking weapons.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12We just throw a barbecue and run for cover.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Nah, that would be cheating.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19I hear someone might be in line for another stripe, Sergeant.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23No ketchup. Mustard.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Yes.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Well, let's have it, then.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49The ring!
0:16:56 > 0:16:59You call me every day. Yeah?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00EVERY day.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02And you keep your head down.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05And THAT, yeah?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07No more looking!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I see you. You can forget all of that.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18She's probably still got bits of breakfast in her teeth.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25It's not just the key. We could make the key.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26It's THAT.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28What is that?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30It holds the shard.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35- The..the what? The galaxy...- Core.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Kublan Jepto made it specially.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40So Jepto's got the key?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Find him, we get the key.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- Find the key...- We get...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Kublan Jepto.
0:17:47 > 0:17:52I've seen it. Somewhere. I'm sure I have.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01The Weedle, he's got it.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Then The Weedle is...- Kublan Jepto.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Obviously.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Obviously he is!
0:18:10 > 0:18:14He hates everything. He hates us.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I don't know. I can't be sure.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18Then we need to find out.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22He keeps it close. Under his jacket usually.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Unless?- He's using it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28What's this, then? The key?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Jepto's got it.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31You'd better get it back.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33How's it going to fly otherwise?
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Jed, you guys make it fly and then come and get me and Bex
0:18:37 > 0:18:41and we'll go off and talk to guinea pigs and never eat broccoli
0:18:41 > 0:18:44and I'll have as much beer as I want. You got beer on your planet?
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- We have lakes of beer.- Get the key.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Hey. That's the wrong side.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Oooh!- Yes.- Look at you!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- You beauty!- Wow!
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Well done!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36That's lovely.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Hit it, big man.
0:19:56 > 0:19:57Come on.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Very funny, it's going to be ruined!
0:20:11 > 0:20:12Oh!
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Result.- Bye-bye. Take care. All right. OK.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19See you, OK?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25OK?
0:20:43 > 0:20:44I'm glad you got hurt.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Otherwise, you would have to go too.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51I'm sorry we ever did that to you, poppet.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Do you miss being a soldier?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Not as much as I missed you.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- Will Mummy miss me? - What do you think?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Not as much as I'll miss her.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29I'm going.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Keep expecting Mum to say, "Told you so."
0:21:43 > 0:21:45She's being doing this behind your back.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Shh!
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Oi!
0:22:08 > 0:22:12You talked to Paul last night?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14You know I did, you answered the phone.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Did he say anything?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20No, we just listened to the line crackling.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22He said you had an idea.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24More of a plan.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27And is this plan a good idea or a Jed idea?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Both!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33OK. It's kind of a Jed idea but Paul reckons it's good.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Next Thursday, at the engine workshop, it will all be locked up.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42You got to Paul's house and tell his mum you want to pick up a CD.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Tell her he got it for you and it's in his room somewhere.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46She won't know where it is.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Hi! How are you?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Anyway, she likes you - I know, it's amazing, isn't it? Ow!
0:22:53 > 0:22:59Get into his room. What we need is the key to the workshop.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02He made a copy. It's in his top drawer.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Pick it up and get it to me.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06And that's it. Your job's done.
0:23:09 > 0:23:15And that's how we broke into the workshop.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21DOG WHINES
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Shut up!
0:23:25 > 0:23:27DOG WHINES
0:23:33 > 0:23:39Dog treats. Zara put down dog treats leading round to the workshop.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00So what does that say?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03It says "Own, sucker."
0:24:03 > 0:24:07Oh. I thought it'd be something more...technical.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13This one says, "Nah-nah, nah, nah-nah!"
0:24:13 > 0:24:14Oh.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19WALTZ MUSIC PLAYS
0:24:23 > 0:24:25The Weedle. He's coming.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26One last thing.
0:24:33 > 0:24:39Well, we were making loud noises inside so he'd be able to hear it.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42But when he got to the workshop to open the door
0:24:42 > 0:24:46we wanted him to get his own key out.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02I can't see.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05WOLF WHISTLE
0:25:05 > 0:25:08'I saw the galaxy shard.'
0:25:08 > 0:25:09He's got it, it's him.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13The Weedle's Kublan Jepto!
0:25:16 > 0:25:19'And that's how we found out.'
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I always knew he was evil.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Sometimes I actually thought he was from a different planet.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26WALTZ MUSIC PLAYS
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Yes!
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- Great plan, Jed.- Thank you.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Now all we have to do is steal it.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41What?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Steal the key.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- DOOR CLOSES - Bex!
0:25:48 > 0:25:49BEX!
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Zara?
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Um, there's no details.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03And...we don't know who.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06But nobody's calling.
0:26:06 > 0:26:13- Only...word got out that there's been...- An accident.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17And you know what that means.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23It mean's someone's...dead.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10GUN WHIRS
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:42 > 0:27:46E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk