Attack of the Clowns

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0:00:08 > 0:00:11# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

0:00:14 > 0:00:15- # He's the ace - The ace

0:00:15 > 0:00:17- # He's amazing - Amazing!

0:00:17 > 0:00:18# He's the strongest he's the quickest

0:00:18 > 0:00:21# He's the best

0:00:21 > 0:00:26# Danger Mouse Danger Mouse

0:00:26 > 0:00:32# Danger Mouse! #

0:00:37 > 0:00:40Since the dawn of time, mankind has

0:00:40 > 0:00:46sought the answer to one question above all others. Are we a lemon?

0:00:46 > 0:00:49A lemon? Alone, are we alone.

0:00:49 > 0:00:51They really should turn off predictive text

0:00:51 > 0:00:54when they write these scripts. A-hem.

0:00:54 > 0:00:59Today, from the depths of outer space, comes the answer.

0:01:01 > 0:01:05- Just think, Penfold, we're going to meet our first-ever aliens.- Oh, yes.

0:01:05 > 0:01:08Well, apart from Quark, he's an alien. Oh, and the Wapos.

0:01:08 > 0:01:10And the alien fly people. And...

0:01:10 > 0:01:14Yes, but apart from them, a special, special day.

0:01:14 > 0:01:18Ah, DM. First contact with alien life, eh?

0:01:18 > 0:01:19Fourth. At least.

0:01:19 > 0:01:21Penfold? Shush.

0:01:33 > 0:01:38Hail, earthlings. We are the Bozorians.

0:01:38 > 0:01:39Greetings.

0:01:41 > 0:01:43Now, on behalf...

0:01:43 > 0:01:46CIRCUS MUSIC

0:01:47 > 0:01:50A-hem. And on behalf of all earthlings, may I...

0:01:50 > 0:01:52HE LAUGHS

0:01:52 > 0:01:55- Is he laughing at us? - HE LAUGHS

0:01:55 > 0:02:00No, no, he was saying, "Ha-ha, hello. Welcome to Earth."

0:02:00 > 0:02:02Good, because on our planet,

0:02:02 > 0:02:06laughter is considered extremely rude.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12HE LAUGHS

0:02:12 > 0:02:16- Chief, what are you doing? - LAUGHING:- Sorry.

0:02:16 > 0:02:20But ever since I was little, I've found clowns hilarious.

0:02:31 > 0:02:35Ah, Crumples the clown. I wonder what happened to him?

0:02:35 > 0:02:39But these aren't clowns. They just look like clowns.

0:02:39 > 0:02:44Perhaps our advanced technology can help your earthling friend.

0:02:46 > 0:02:48HE LAUGHS

0:02:48 > 0:02:49HORN SOUND

0:02:49 > 0:02:56He is laughing at us! That does it. We're leaving! Pancake, the keys.

0:02:58 > 0:03:02HE LAUGHS

0:03:05 > 0:03:07Well, that's done it, Chief.

0:03:07 > 0:03:11Never mind, we all...we all had a good laugh. And no harm done.

0:03:12 > 0:03:18Citizens of Earth, as you have seen fit to ridicule us,

0:03:18 > 0:03:23we have no choice but to declare war on your planet.

0:03:23 > 0:03:25Well, that's not very funny.

0:03:25 > 0:03:28Bozorians, attack.

0:03:31 > 0:03:35- Oh, crumbs. Flying saucers! - Nope, they're custard pies.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37And we're back. Brilliant!

0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Should I go for the Danger Jet? - Don't bother, Penfold.

0:03:39 > 0:03:42A massive spoon ought to do it.

0:03:53 > 0:03:55A disaster, DM.

0:03:55 > 0:03:59The Bozorians are a proud and noble people, and your unprofessional

0:03:59 > 0:04:03sniggering has provoked them into a full-scale invasion!

0:04:03 > 0:04:06It's not my fault they look like clowns.

0:04:09 > 0:04:12Professor? Why are you in here?

0:04:12 > 0:04:14Uh, just doing a bit of cleaning.

0:04:14 > 0:04:17SHE WHISTLES

0:04:17 > 0:04:19All right, it's the clowns, I can't stand them!

0:04:19 > 0:04:21But everyone loves a clown! Look at these.

0:04:21 > 0:04:25CIRCUS MUSIC

0:04:30 > 0:04:32She really doesn't like clowns.

0:04:32 > 0:04:34Sorry, Colonel. From now on,

0:04:34 > 0:04:37I'll take the Bozorian invasion situation 100% seriously.

0:04:41 > 0:04:43Look out! Bozorian troop carriers.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49CIRCUS MUSIC

0:04:49 > 0:04:52HE LAUGHS

0:04:55 > 0:04:58Oh, yes. Squirt me with water. Oh, brilliant.

0:04:58 > 0:04:59No!

0:05:02 > 0:05:05These clowns are no joke, chief.

0:05:07 > 0:05:08Nope, they're not.

0:05:08 > 0:05:11That's marvellous timing, though.

0:05:11 > 0:05:16Calamity! It's an Earth versus clown intergalactic war!

0:05:16 > 0:05:19And while the world seems ready to crack,

0:05:19 > 0:05:21all our hero can do is crack up!

0:05:26 > 0:05:30But after a ten second war montage, cool heads prevail.

0:05:30 > 0:05:32Peace talks agree that once Danger Mouse

0:05:32 > 0:05:35has signed a formal apology, both sides

0:05:35 > 0:05:38will make an intergalactic no laughing pact.

0:05:38 > 0:05:44I shall relay your sincere apology to the Bozorian hive-mind.

0:05:52 > 0:05:56Bozorians, move.

0:05:57 > 0:05:59HORN SOUNDS

0:06:00 > 0:06:03MUFFLED LAUGHTER

0:06:05 > 0:06:09HE LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:06:09 > 0:06:14You've made fun of us for the last time, earthlings.

0:06:14 > 0:06:15HORN SOUND

0:06:17 > 0:06:18Well, that that a lot better than I expected.

0:06:18 > 0:06:19THUD

0:06:19 > 0:06:22Choose your fate, earthlings.

0:06:22 > 0:06:25Rabbit, horse or poodle?

0:06:25 > 0:06:29The fiends! The Earth won't stand being balloon modelled into

0:06:29 > 0:06:32anything more complicated than a giraffe.

0:06:32 > 0:06:34- It'll tear apart. - Ha-ha!

0:06:34 > 0:06:37I need to think about something so sad, it stops me laughing.

0:06:37 > 0:06:39How about the tale of someone you love,

0:06:39 > 0:06:42being betrayed and exiled from their home forever?

0:06:42 > 0:06:45Behold, the agency's most secret-est secret.

0:06:51 > 0:06:55- Crumples! - I was once ruler of the Bozorians.

0:06:55 > 0:07:00But my best friend Pom-Pom betrayed me, dyed me black and white,

0:07:00 > 0:07:03and stole the solid gold nose.

0:07:03 > 0:07:07No-one exiles my favourite clown and gets away with it.

0:07:07 > 0:07:10It's time I got serious.

0:07:20 > 0:07:24Hurry, DM. The fiends have modelled the Earth into a poodle.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26It can't take much more of this.

0:07:35 > 0:07:37Let's quit clowning around.

0:07:39 > 0:07:40Ow!

0:07:41 > 0:07:45Ha-ha! Too late, laugh-y, laugh-y earth dweller.

0:07:45 > 0:07:47Soon, your planet...

0:07:49 > 0:07:50HE GIGGLES

0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh, don't you start, Penfold.

0:07:52 > 0:07:53HORN SOUND

0:07:53 > 0:07:55Oh, crumbs.

0:07:55 > 0:07:58Is this the final punchline for mankind?

0:07:58 > 0:08:00Will Danger Mouse have the last laugh?

0:08:00 > 0:08:03Will any of us ever laugh again?

0:08:03 > 0:08:05Cos personally, I think it it's been going downhill

0:08:05 > 0:08:07ever since the lemon gag.

0:08:09 > 0:08:13The only way to stop them is to defeat their champion,

0:08:13 > 0:08:16Simon the Big, in single combat.

0:08:16 > 0:08:18SMALL HORN SOUND

0:08:18 > 0:08:21No-one makes a monkey out of my planet.

0:08:21 > 0:08:24I challenge Simon the Big to single combat.

0:08:24 > 0:08:25THEY GASP

0:08:25 > 0:08:28Agreed! Tiny Phil, go and get him.

0:08:30 > 0:08:31THUD

0:08:31 > 0:08:32THUD

0:08:32 > 0:08:34THUD

0:08:34 > 0:08:35THUD

0:08:35 > 0:08:36THUD

0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Oh, honestly. - Fight!

0:08:38 > 0:08:40HORN SOUNDS

0:08:40 > 0:08:41HE ROARS

0:08:45 > 0:08:48Whoa. What are you doing?

0:08:50 > 0:08:54Bozorians don't hit each other when they fight. They fight themselves.

0:08:55 > 0:08:56THUD

0:08:56 > 0:08:57BIRDS TWEETING

0:08:57 > 0:08:59That's absurd.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02Uh, fate of all mankind, etc, chief?

0:09:02 > 0:09:03THUD

0:09:03 > 0:09:04HORN SOUND

0:09:05 > 0:09:11SLOW CIRCUS MUSIC

0:09:12 > 0:09:16Who knew making a fool of yourself was so hard?

0:09:16 > 0:09:18Remember your sixth birthday.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23HE LAUGHS

0:09:25 > 0:09:27CIRCUS MUSIC

0:09:27 > 0:09:29HE LAUGHS

0:09:38 > 0:09:40THEY LAUGH

0:09:40 > 0:09:43Whoa. Stop it! What's wrong with you?

0:09:43 > 0:09:45What are we, savages?

0:09:45 > 0:09:49CIRCUS MUSIC

0:09:49 > 0:09:52HE LAUGHS

0:10:01 > 0:10:03You earthlings have shown us that perhaps

0:10:03 > 0:10:05we do need to work on our sense of humour.

0:10:05 > 0:10:10I thank you Danger Mouse, Colonel, Penfold,

0:10:10 > 0:10:13and Professor Squawkencluck.

0:10:13 > 0:10:15Go away, go away! Don't touch me!

0:10:15 > 0:10:17No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

0:10:17 > 0:10:19THEY LAUGH

0:10:19 > 0:10:22We're laughing at her real and deeply felt fear.

0:10:22 > 0:10:24THEY LAUGH

0:10:24 > 0:10:27Join us next time for more of the big questions.

0:10:27 > 0:10:32Like, if clowns are aliens, what about jugglers? Or magicians?

0:10:32 > 0:10:35And if a clown falls over in a forest and nobody laughs,

0:10:35 > 0:10:36does he still get paid?

0:10:36 > 0:10:40Whatever the question, you can be sure the answer is...Danger Mouse!

0:10:43 > 0:10:44# He's the greatest,

0:10:44 > 0:10:46# He's fantastic

0:10:46 > 0:10:47# Wherever there is danger

0:10:47 > 0:10:48# He'll be there

0:10:48 > 0:10:54# Danger Mouse Danger Mouse

0:10:54 > 0:10:59# Danger Mouse! #